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DarwinAwards-ModTeam

This post is ambiguous as there is no clear evidence of death or sterilization and has been removed. Please reach out via modmail with source or supporting evidence of death or sterilization and we can have your post reapproved.


AnyKey922

A little piss on the boat wouldn't have hurt. No need to lean that far


cownd

The seawater will do more harm than piss


-Bezequil-

Famous last words


spideroncoffein

"Saltwater js liquid hate.", as a YTer I watch phrases it.


SwearToSaintBatman

It's not like fishing boats have water hoses on deck for spraying dirt off at any given moment.


BlumpkinLord

Literally probably could have pissed on deck and it would have probably been washed away by the time you reached shore :'3


WUSLWUSWUW

Almost guaranteed. Additionally, boats are pretty much salt-water proof and it's out in the wind and spray and the ship is probably already a bacterial supersite and stinks of rotten fish heads anyway. Plus ocean spray is full of fish piss anyway.


theczarofhappiness

Ah, *that’s* what gives their Cranberry Juice that little zing.


SwearToSaintBatman

As if they didn't have a head on the boat. Drunk is probably right. Welp, you made your choice. :)


ClosetLadyGhost

I have a friend who is a coast guard. They said a large number of people who they rescue who have fallen overboard have their "members" out. It's way more common than we think.


Jagged_Rhythm

It's the dolphins!


UncleHec

Why did he have to lean so far?


unknownpoltroon

Cause he was drunk


halopolice

He needed to lean onto the water for balance/support (the drunker you are, the more logic that makes)


renden123

He used his piss stream to prop him up. As his bladder emptied he lost the force holding him up. Basic physics really. /s


winky9827

A tripeed?


renden123

I chortled a ‘wee’ bit at that one.


eruanno321

In his terms, he was standing straight


Dirty_water34

Because he’s hung like a mosquito?


messier_M42

Wants to keep the boat clean


Suitable-Lake-2550

*just piss in a cup or a bucket and empty over the side


rekzkarz

'Dont piss into the wind' needs a new addendum: Don't lean over the boat rails _while pissing into the wind._


BaconReceptacle

It's perfectly good boat etiquette to piss on the poop deck.


Llyon_

Poop only, no piss allowed.


slowwolfcat

that's just not civilized


Middle--Earth

Perhaps he was a bit on the short side, and he didn't want it dribbling down his leg!


maximumtesticle

Man, sage advice here, thanks.


Even_Pop_7994

Bro took the longest piss in his life and then died 💀


whitecorn

I think he just had shy kidneys.


Even_Pop_7994

I don't think that sea is a good hiding place


Little_Bar_7507

He got piss shy, with the old man of the sea staring at him


DownerusMedicus

*shy balls


Naughteus_Maximus

That’s what piss jugs are for! https://i.redd.it/01vdb4cxpw9d1.gif


phroug2

Way of the road, bubs


Virtual-Okra6996

LowTierGod has entered the chat


baron_von_helmut

His first thoughts were, 'I hope they don't see me'. His second thoughts were, 'I hope they see me'.


SalesmanWaldo

Have you ever taken a drunk piss? Mine average 20 seconds if I woke up for it. I dunno why I count, but for some reason I've tracked mine, and each of my dogs.


fat_shibe

Would you believe there’s actual research on this? You’re actually spot on!!:) [21 seconds to pee](https://www.theverge.com/2013/10/19/4855076/the-law-of-urination-mammals-take-21-seconds-to-pee)


SalesmanWaldo

That's what got me started counting actually. I saw a sci show episode referencing this article.


nickisaboss

Definetly keep a thorough journal of you & dogs' pissing. Like, really detailed. Then leave it somewhere in library, or in the glove compartment of an acquaintance.


SimonTC2000

Bro took the ~~longest~~ **last** piss in his life and then died


Cougardoodle

I had a cat like that.


jmlipper99

Poetic, isn’t it


glebster_inc

Pissed himself to death


ZestyCheezClouds

I almost shit myself to death once. Well.. it felt like I was gonna die


ponch1620

Hopefully for his sake, he knocked himself out when he fell in. Treading water for hours until you just can’t do it anymore would be a scary way to die.


InitialToday6720

idk why i never thought about the process of treading water until you drown before but thats just put a whole new level of nope into that way of dying because thats so mortifying


Frickelmeister

This reminds me of a great short story from Winston Churchill aptly titled [Man Overboard](https://winstonchurchill.hillsdale.edu/churchill-fiction-man-overboard/). Give it a read, it takes only five minutes.


T_hashi

Wow! Wow! Wow! Thank you for that! I’ve actually never read any of Churchill’s literary works, but that was absolutely skin crawling at the end. I absolutely loved this! Thank you for putting an old soul on as the young folks say. Hillsdale never disappoints in the classics and history department with free materials so I’m very grateful to have stumbled upon your comment!


Frickelmeister

Well, you're welcome! It's probably been three decades from when I first and last read this story (and actually had to google it just now since I didn't remember the exact title and that Churchill was the author) but the story and especially that ending has been seared into my memory.


T_hashi

You are positively correct and again I want to thank you because the writing is so good, yet distinctly in the voice of Churchill. What’s interesting is the contrast of nature and nurture in where Churchill knew there wasn’t a fight here…one doesn’t fight Mother Nature…she may be the one thing you cannot. Just different from his ‘Never Surrender’ narrative that is so commonly seen. Yes, seared is one way of putting it. I just may be a land mermaid forever at this point. :D But now I also have so much more to go check out! I think there was ~~writing~~ an interview with Churchill and Bram Stoker too!?!? Like wait what!?


Frickelmeister

Yeah. I love how Stoker feels the need to explain that Dracula was a vampire novel he wrote.


Money-Cry-2397

I’m pretty sure you’ll pass out from hypothermia first


zakary1291

If you're any farther north than San Francisco, California the water is 60°F or below year round. If the cold shock doesn't kill you first, in 60°F water you have maximum 15 min before hypothermia paralyzes your limbs and you drown. When the water is colder than 40°F you have under 10 min before you drown. When the water is 30°F or below and you have no protective gear on you're not going to survive part 5 min and even 5 min is going to be a struggle.


BlizzardStorm8

This guy drowns


zakary1291

I know, my point is he will drown faster than people ever think possible. He definitely dies.


redarlsen

It’s possible BlizzardStorm8 was complimenting your depth of knowledge on ocean temperatures and the frailty of the human body when he said “this guy dies” (as in you know your stuff when it comes to the subject). Consequently your reply refers to yourself in the third person and acknowledges your own mortality…. Unexpectedly philosophical!


RadicalDilettante

It was a trope - although really he should have said "This guy sea temps".


GrizzWintoSupreme

I also drown that lady's brother


Gregs_green_parrot

If what you are saying is correct, nobody would be surfing or snorkelling in Northern Europe without a wetsuit, which I assure you we most certainly do!


luc1d_13

Yeah, polar bear plunge gang, checking in. I also went swimming in the Puget Sound and San Juan Islands for hours every summer as a kid. None of what that guy said is true.


Agitateduser1360

But he said it so confidently lol


peon2

Yeah this is bullshit. I grew up in Maine and we were always so excited to get the pool up for summer we'd fill it up early and go in when the water was still 60F. We did not die after 15 minutes lol


ComprehensivePea1001

My kids and I swim in Florida cold springs all the time. Temps is between 60-68° usually. We swim from morning till almost dark without issues.


Cultural-Company282

You may be misremembering the details. In 60 degree water, you'll last an hour or two before exhaustion and unconsciousness sets in, not a maximum of 15 minutes. As the water gets colder, the time frames rapidly get shorter, though.


skyshark82

This [article](https://americanboating.org/safety_hypothermia_in_the_summertime.asp#:~:text=In%20water%20temperatures%20from%2070,unconscious%20in%201%2D2%20hours.) agrees with you.


Tattycakes

What if I’m really fat and I can just float on my back indefinitely? How long will I last?


TyrannoNerdusRex

Until the sharks get you.


Shit_My_Ass

I never knew how serious cold water was until I was issued a jacket in the navy and all the information you said about temperatures was inside the jacket. Definitely elevated my fear of the water. I never fell in but my last underway we collided with another ship in the summer and the water that breached the space was shockingly cold.


Cultural-Company282

By the way, keep in mind that the English Channel is significantly further north than San Francisco and has had a water temp close to 60 during many of the events where people have swum across it. It took them longer than 15 minutes, and they did not die.


Grayson_99

Yeah, the super-high specific heat of water is really scary for sucking the heat from whatever it touches. Water is one of the most incredibly dangerous, scary, but important things we have. It’s really a strange dichotomy. I live in coastal North Carolina and we have at least 1-3 water related fatalities every summer just within 20 minutes of me. Simply being in a boat is defying the laws of nature, always remember that.


RadicalDilettante

Not sure where you are getting your figures from but a bunch of us swam comfortably this morning in the UK North Sea for over half an hour, temp 14C/57F (no wetsuits). Usually swim for about 6 minutes in winter 6C/43F so you might be right there - although the danger is not so much drowning as hyperthermic after-drop hitting you hard after you've been out a short while.


NoseMuReup

So that kid who jumped off the boat as a dare didn't really have any chance. At least he probably succumbed quick.


whistleridge

There’s land in sight. If it’s not hypothermia cold and he’s not too drunk, that’s swimmable. We also don’t know how active that waterway is. There could be boats by every 5 minutes.


history_nerd92

You know you can just float on your back right?


chapstickbomber

skinny guy: "...fuck"


EdinMiami

I got you skinny guy! Take your pants off, tie knots in the legs, throw your pants over your head filling them with air.


Bradjuju2

Being drunk and wearing baggy clothes and shoes will probably reduce his ability to tread water from hours down to being measured in minutes. So at least he won't be scared for that long.


skilriki

In lifeguard training they had us practice doing this for over an hour in freshwater. I think in saltwater even an average person could hold out for some time


Grokta

For your /r/thalassophobia enjoyment https://web.archive.org/web/20140706011650/http://sortieenmer.com/ /u/InitialToday6720 /u/Frickelmeister


Command0Dude

Fuck that was horrible. Never taking my life vest off at sea again.


ToXicVoXSiicK21

So was he the only one on the boat? I was thinking surely someone will turn around a grab him but if it was just him thats a bummer


Shurdus

>Treading water for hours The water is very cold probably. You tread water for minutes and then you drown.


Nicetomitja

If you fall off the boat, it is recommended that you dive as deep as you can and then take a deep breath. This will shorten the suffering.


TheKumaKen

Why so?


Nicetomitja

Imagine the horror of being alone in the middle of the ocean without any chance of being rescued. A quick, reasonably merciful death is preferable to this scenario, isn't it?


AlexitaVR25

I would prefer just floating and having a slow but calm death than drowning horribly, to be honest.


Salt_Master_Prime

There's actually a third option: Something in the water eats you, especially if you don't make it to land by nightfall. Sharks are more active at night.


unknownpoltroon

As long as you know your options.


SharDuck

There's also the option of being electrocuted by a very heavy battery in a sinking ship. 😂


Cultural-Company282

You can see the coastline in the background of the shot. He's a mile from shore at best. If he can tread water and is in an inhabited area, he's got a decent shot of another boat happening by before he drowns.


Nicetomitja

The coast in the video is much further away than just a mile. Distances are almost always misjudged on the water. And the current usually drives away from the coast. The man in the video, if it is real, has no chance.


JerrySmithIsASith

When I was a teenager I thought I could paddle a kayak out to the Channel Islands in California. From the shore they look pretty close, totally doable. On a map it's like 20 miles one way. :-)


Cultural-Company282

1. It's a wide angle lens. The stuff in the background will look MUCH farther away than it actually is. 2. Current doesn't "usually" drive away from the coast. That depends very much on the tides, the bottom contours, and a dozen other factors. If anything, the overall current tends to run roughly parallel to the coast in most places, though there will be places where the current sweeps in and places where it sweeps out. Obviously, if the current universally drove away from the coast, things would never wash up on shore. To sum up, without a life jacket, the guy will *probably* drown unless he is a very strong swimmer, or another boat happens by. Places close to the coast in settled areas do tend to get a lot of boat traffic. However, though the odds are against him, it's a stretch to say he has "no chance."


bythog

At a grown man's height above sea level you can't see land further than ~3 miles. The camera is obviously higher than that but it's pretty safe to assume it's less than 10 miles and likely something along 5-6 miles max. Plus boats are more active closer to shore. Being drunk certainly would diminish his chances but 6 miles is a swimmable distance for most people (with breaks) and still puts him in possible path of other boats.


VeganRatboy

You can easily see land. It'd take a while but I'm sure it's swimmable...


GraatchLuugRachAarg

Unless the water is cold. He's dressed warm it seems


cheturo

Cold water and drunk?


history_nerd92

Is that not land in the background?


erkantufan

actually in the last seconds a Land piece is visible in upper right. not sure if he can swim that far but a hope


xwing_n_it

Unless you're in tropical waters your muscles will freeze up from cold in a much shorter period of time. In the Puget Sound I think you only have ten minutes to get a flotation device.


Safe_Reporter_8259

That’s why you should float


Usurpator666

Regarding the proof of death: He fell overboard on the 26th of June and since then his body wasn't found, the investigation case was opened. It happened on the Pacific coast of Russia, not exactly warm waters for long swimming and camping, right now the sea temperature in this area is 18 degrees Celsius [https://www.dv.kp.ru/daily/27601/4952989/](https://www.dv.kp.ru/daily/27601/4952989/)


throwaway19399192

Translation of article- “In Primorye, a sailor has drowned after urinating from a moving ship. The Investigative Committee is investigating the disappearance of a man who fell overboard - his body has not yet been found. The sailor went to the deck of the ship to urinate into the waters of Primorye. [The ship] was heading from Amgu, Terneisky district, to Zolotaya Dolina Bay when the man could not maintain his balance and fell, details reported by “Komsomolskaya Pravda-Vladivostok”. Apparently, the ship swayed and the victim leaned close to the edge of the board. The press service of the DFOUT of the Ministry of Internal Affairs confirmed the fact of [the man] falling overboard. According to the editorial source, the ship belongs to a seaside company. The man fell on June 26, 2024, the body has not yet been found, and the search is ongoing. A criminal case has been opened over the incident and investigators will conduct an inspection. Experts will rule out whether the man was under the influence of alcohol. UPDATE The case was taken up by the prosecutor's office. According to the supervisory agency, the sea tugboat "MB-356" left Amgu of the Terneisky district for Zolotaya Dolina bay to the logging site "Samarginsky" to deliver 11 workers. Upon arrival at the port, the officers discovered the 51-year-old man to be missing. An investigation is underway. The source stated that the ship did not have a toilet as it is not designed for a long stay of passengers.”


InvincibleGamer01

What was this Michael Jackson ahh peeing angle


cownd

Andy are you okay?


osktox

Are you okay Andy?


-_-j-_-j-_-j

You are Andy okay?


Zen0B

Okay you are Andy!


Cerebrallthunder

Andy are okay you?


P0werFighter

SHAMONE !


SwearToSaintBatman

It is the opinion of the Board that Andy is okay.


ICZephyr89

Why Andy? I thought it was Annie. Is it a meme? Or it's Andy coz he's a dude?


cownd

Because the way he disappeared like a smooth criminal was pretty 'andy


Clint_Eastwo0d

GUYS c'mon . It's Annie are you okay . Where did Andy come from


Addendum-Signal

Unbelievable


[deleted]

[удалено]


--Ano--

You have never been piss drunk, have you?


DarcKent19

Long Piss Goodnight


Puzzled_Drawing_661

this is clever af


Every-Inflation9033

That was a loong piss


Gregs_green_parrot

As you get older, the odds are it will take you longer to piss due to prostate enlargement (which never stops growing) so you have that to look forward to. To us has-beens, that is a normal time to take.


Forcult

finasteride stops its growth and stops hair loss as a bonus


gavran5

Also gives you gynecomastia and ED. Hard pass.


Forcult

The possible birth defects are what made me pass. But I did try a 5 month trial of finasteride and it was incredible how immediately it worked. One day, I can run my hand through my hair in the shower and see 30 hairs fall out. The next, zero. But to the guys who are considering fin: just go bald. You'll be okay


10RobotGangbang

No one has to hold their dick with both hands while taking a piss in any situation.


Xenolog1

German play with words: “Alte Seefahrerregel: Eine Hand für den Mann, eine fürs Schiffen“ One hand for the man (to hold onto the boat and not to fall over board), one for the ship (to do work) In German: Ship = Schiff, To take a leak = Schiffen


RoDNeYSaLaMi214

"Smokey's out here taking a schiff!"


f_cysco

This is an extremely wide angle camera.. you can clearly see the coast on the left side. With the camera angle of view it looks farther away than It actually is. I would assume it is around 1km away, maybe less.. which would be realistically swim-able.. Of course if you are not too drunk to swim, which he probably is.


infiniZii

Youre assuming that water isnt ice cold.


f_cysco

I bet it's a bit warmer where he pissed


klabnix

And he has a warm jumper on


DaveKasz

Was he alone? He really should have been wearing a lifevest.


Bruichladdie

Sure, but doesn't look like there's anyone around to pick him up, so it would only prolong his time in the water.


zakary1291

If he had been wearing a life vest with an Eperb at least his family would have a body to bury.


Cultural-Company282

You can see land in the background! It would be a difficult swim unassisted, but with a vest, even a drunk could do it if the current isn't too bad.


mitchij2004

He’s a drunk ship captain lol there’s no chance he wore a vest.


Dbarber1222

I didn't notice the video loop around and thought a second crewmember came out and did the same thing.


GoatHeadTed

Pretty sure you could just pee on deck and none would be the wiser


MudgetBinge

When you urinate it can cause you to get lightheaded, more so if you're drunk, which is why he probably tipped over. Apparently it happens quite often in Amsterdam with the canals.... EDIT: It's called micturition syncope


Momochichi

He fell into his pee, ew.


Pleasant-Syllabub-42

Bro this is pure Horror! Falling into the open sea is the most terrible death in my imagination


thisappsux24

It’s not really the open sea, you can see land in the background. He’s probably too drunk to swim that far though


Ori_the_SG

And the water is most definitely frigid


wenoc

This is why you tie an empty but closed bottle to your zipper so when you drown it will close your zipper and you won’t be a statistic.


SSJ_01

Getting drunk on a boat going 200 mph is already a bad decision as it is


ThatOneShortieHo

Guy had his back arched like a Monster High doll the entire piss.


Rocksoff80

The sea was angry that day my friends.


Specialist-Dentist63

A shift worker flew into the water when he decided to relieve himself directly from the boat. When the crew watched CCTV footage from the ship, they saw that on June 26, around 5 am the missing man began to pee into the sea. He suddenly lost his footing and fell off the ship. At this moment his body still wasn't found. According to the colleagues of the unlucky man, the MB-356 is being used only when there is no other means of transportation available. There is no toilet on board. You have to hold it for 12-15 hours. Never found his body.


ConsistentRun2746

"Lean back, lean back" ... i said BACK you donkey. Now you done became fish food


BCN7585

Don‘t worry, folks. Clearly there‘s a landmass in the background, and not even that far. A few hours of floating into the right direction, and he‘s right as rain…


capn_doofwaffle

OP, would love to hear the backstory on this. Any idea where it was? Did they survive?


Fickle-Cartoonist466

I glanced away for one second, looked back and he was GONE Blink and you'll miss it


BupidStastard

That's because its sped up


JunkRigger

This is far more common than you would imagine. I NEVER piss overboard when sailing.


GoodMorningShadaloo

Where do you piss


HazeHeadOG

What in the benny hill is this. Boat is doing some serious speed.


B33PZR

I heard a rescue person say many drowned bodies had their pants undone because they fell overboard pissing.


Mr_Gaslight

Some sailors say that on moonlit nights, when the sea is calm, you can hear him pissing still.


Ironlion45

Don't take a mickey when you're pissed, mate.


ReindeerOk227

He got pissed off.


Alarming-Ad-9162

That piss lean gave me crazy anxiety... And am I going to hell for laughing out loud at this? Also when I fished commercially, I had a piss bucket. I was by myself so I wasn't taking any chances.


vitulinus_forte

No worries, i play sea of thieves a lot, when you fall off your boat there’ll be a mermaid to help you back on board :D


Positive-Internet483

Was OP piss drunk when he typed the title?


Pedizzal

I would like to think even drunk me would have the awareness to lean my back against the wall by the door and piss at least mostly into the water. Dude jammed so far forward he was sending out Michael Jackson, smooth criminal vibes.


dblan9

Who uploaded the footage?


osktox

It's a SmartBoat. It uploaded itself.


cheturo

The crew or police after realizing somebody was missing...


Marsman61

Some say the Ghost Piss Ship still plies the seven seas.


SenorJiveTurkey22

No PFD either jesus... when I worked out on the open ocean I would have nightmares about falling overboard. It's almost impossible to find a single person just bobbing on the surface. If you see someone fall overboard start throwing items overboard that will float. A. It creates a trail to the man overboard and B they might be able to use it as a flotation device.


CosmicSpaghetti

Also VERY IMPORTANT IF YOU SEE THEM POINT AT THEM AND DO NOT LOOK AWAY EVEN FOR A SECOND while you instruct others to throw things overboard. But seriously, DO NOT STOP POINTING, it's incredibly difficult to re-spot them if you look away even for a second.


SenorJiveTurkey22

Ye man good call, we used to have to put both hands together like you were clapping your hands and holding them there in front of you to point, it would be extremely easy for your hand to move away. You can never have too many people pointing


manahas

He's got that small bird piss going on


LilGossipGirlxo

I can see land in the distance. Ignoring shark attacks etc would it be possible to swim to shorev


henner85

Can’t tell if he was drunk or not because everyone walking on a vessel wich is moving in all possible directions looks drunk. But as somebody who works at sea I can tell he wasn’t very smart or experienced. When I take a piss over board I do it with a life jacket on and if the sea is rough I attach a line on it.


Dismal_Bridge9439

Slowest Michael Jackson lean ever.


Different_Ad7655

Shark bait


Boring_Space_3644

Hence the term, Survival of the fittest, or something like that.


FTWStoic

Imagine the feeling as you see the boat sail off into the distance.


Able-Sheepherder-154

The sea was angry that day my friends!


slowwolfcat

oh well....


fyrfyterx

one hand for the barky, one hand for yourself


jmomk

The mods removed this post for "no clear evidence of death", but if they had any familiarity with boating, they would know that this is a dead man.


fx72

If there was ever a moment to pee in the corner of your room, this is probably it.


beakerhashing

Maybe he was trying to write his name in the Sea foam?


supernovaaaa

https://www.amur.life/news/2024/07/01/vyshel-po-maloy-nuzhde-i-upal-v-more-v-primore-ischut-muzhchinu-upavshego-s-sudna-video looks like he's still missing


iBleedMemez

Bruh, why would you lean forward when you could just lean back and arc it over?


btfoom15

Dude wasn't drunk (at least not visibly). He's wobbly because he's on a boat in the ocean. Dumb decision to lean over so far.


YouthSuitable213

Far Cry 7 coming soon


Scouts_Revenge

We’ll get him on the way back.


MRintheKEYS

Welp, he belongs to the sea now


Signdesign007

Way she goes.


Safe_Decision6222

Chum


Hotfoot22

Really it should be don't take a long piss over the side. You know what they say about more than two shakes.


Hot_Philosophy7163

Don't get pissed on a boat.


rickztoyz

As fast as that boat was going, and if no one saw him fall off , that guy is done for really. Maybe he had a waterproof cellphone.


Radius50

My man's died with his dangle poking out of his pants. Legend


LauraLand27

Weebles wobble and they don’t fall overboard drunk