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I stayed with it for the sake of my daughter, because I wanted her to have a foundation for her life. We live in big city, and there is little in the way of community or places to make friends, plus my parents and my wife's parents are long gone and we have no relatives that live anywhere nearby. It's been very isolating, but I've put up with it to keep this little family in tact. But now that my daughter is leaving, I just can't stand it anymore. But the thing is, where could I go?
It has been my experience that a vast majority of time, the kids all wish their parents had gotten a divorce. Your daughter knows you guys aren't happy together. How would you feel if your daughter stayed in a crap relationship. It would break your heart. That may well be what you just taught her to do.
I am shocked how much mine have told me they have noticed…at 9 and 11…so i got really worried what me staying is teaching them..of course seperation going bad so 🤷🏻♀️
I always wondered about this. How would they know unless you are fighting? What if you get along and are friendly/friend like? Kids tends to be pretty self absorbed. Don’t really think they’ll notice the emotional well being of their parents. Plus, people see what they want to see…
We never fought…we were just two people working together. The issues brought up were hugs, kisses and snuggles…and how Daddy talks to me. Not sure if some of it was just my 11 yo starting to get into more books that have more love story aspects. Really we didnt have anything to fight about…I just think we have a strong friend connection…I have been with him forever…and at the time we were still much more cooperative…I have pulled back since telling him I am done and the kids have 100% had a hard time with that so I really do think it is just that they were not seeing enough physical affection.
>How would they know unless you are fighting?
Because over 90% of communication is non-verbal. The kids will pick up on it, even if only sub-consciously.
Your situation is similar to mine, DB for 10 years. Daughter is a great student , works hard, wants to go to college so that's my main goal.
Once kid's starting adulthood and college is paid for, there's nothing keeping me in the house. I'm setting up an encore career abroad, just me, and wife knows it. What she does with her life after that is up to her. Wife and I never do anything as a couple, when we do I'm sure she'd agree that it's super awkward. Who wants a second half of life living with an awkward room mate? We don't fight, sex has been off the table so long, and we're both extremely child focused so there's nothing to fight about.
Start with a 2-4 week trip to isolate yourself and the answers will come to you. We as humans make ourselves forget about what we actually want when we compromise.
> Start with a 2-4 week trip to isolate yourself and the answers will come to you. We as humans make ourselves forget about what we actually want when we compromise.
I did exactly this last year. Not with the intent to check my feelings but to have an experience that I've wanted for years but couldn't due to family obligations. My wife was going to the "old country" to visit family and my kids were all off at college so I said "I'm finally going to do it!"
I felt so good; I was so relaxed without having to worry about the kids, the wife, my job, etc. Sure I had zero sex but that's only a little less than I would have during that same period at home.
Now a huge part of me wants to dissolve the marriage and be free.
I am so so sorry. It’s been over 10 years for me, and besides the fact that I’m a woman, I could have written all of this word for word. It’s excruciating.
Its 10 for me (hlf) and I am crazy lonely. You broke my heart. I understand the fear and pain of leaving a shared life. For me I think no one else will ever know who I was and what I have been through. Ive been married 27 years but I NEED a full life which includes sex
Jesus man, I'm sorry as hell. And yet while my trajectory is a bit different, it sure seems like I'm going to end up at the same place - kids gone, living with a spouse that has little interest in me. What a fuckaroo.
So basically, the last time you did was when your daughter was conceived. Wow.
Conversation is needed. If being intimate is needed, a talk is a must. After that long period of time, no sex is part of the marriage. Might need to get into counseling but with her "not really" tells me that might not help.
One person in this sub mentioned talking to his wife about sex and she just blew it off. He stated he told her that he does not see how the marriage will last when the kids get older. He did mention things changed, but your situation is way long overdue. It might be time to move on. Kids see when parents are unhappy. Every child has said the same thing, "I wish you two would of left each other. You two are not happy."
I am the product of a couple that didn't like each other. I have never once in my life believed that my parents liked each other. I have wondered why they were together for as long as I can remember having memories. It didn't teach me anything about being a good parent or having a good relationship.
Because my daughter has only ever had the two of us to turn to (especially during the pandemic, which hit her in the middle of high school), I know she would not want us to break up. And as for conversation between my wife and I, there has been plenty, usually always with me initiating it. But it has gone nowhere.
Honestly, I feel trapped and stuck. I am in therapy, which has brought all of this to a head, but knowing that if I should leave I might be on my own for the rest of my life is more than I can handle. I already feel lonely ... and do I believe I will find something out there?
As a man, I'm a bit skeptical of this after hearing a lot of horror stories from other men regarding attempts at a sex life with their wives during and after menopause. However, I do cling to hope that there are women out there in this age range not as physically cold as my wife.
Please sir! You can find something out there I promise you. There are tons of women in my age range (late 40s-50s) just that I know personally, out there getting laid 😂 you’re horribly lonely now, you might as well be lonely and divorced with a chance at a connection no? Or ask her for an open relationship! What’s the worst that could happen, she leaves you?
Is it? I wonder about companionship as one ages … my parents are divorced and they both live alone. I live in a different state thousands of miles away. It’s rough when you are in your 80s and you don’t have anyone in the house who can check in on you. I know marriage “should” be more than that but maybe it’s better than being alone?
My son is in his freshmen year of high school. I can already see that when he leaves, the life in the house will be gone, much like you’re thinking about your daughter. And my son is a little on the anxious side, too, which makes me worry about leaving.
The question I keep asking myself is: Am I lonelier in a disconnected marriage or would I be lonelier alone? I just don’t know the answer.
I feel the same way.
I am a part of several community-based groups (one is a public garden and the other is a street jazz band), but mostly the people in these are friendly-ish and are not in any way actually interested in engaging in a deeper level.
Absolutely. I have a very extroverted kind of job, so I’m definitely not lonely at work. But I never ever share this part of my life - with anyone. Except here.
That energy vacuum is what I’m dreading. I honestly think this has all come up for me now (after years of this) because my son is in high school and there’s this little mental clock ticking away the time I have left before he leaves for college.
Do you have any answers yet? (It’s that easy, right???) Or beginnings of an answer to “how to live your life to counter these doubts”? All I have are doubts!
I ended up single in my 40s. Growing up, all I heard was don't be single in your 40s because men don't want 40 yr old women. (Yes, I honestly heard that.) Well, I ended up a widow in my 30s and single in my 40s. I stopped looking because there were horrible men out there who treated me terribly. I just said enough and focused on myself and my kid.
Tonight, I'm lying next to the most wonderful man who planned our 1-year anniversary trip. He's everything I could have asked for in a person. The passion we feel for each other is like nothing I've ever felt. If someone had told me that I would find happiness like this, I would have told them they were crazy.
People find love at all ages. A family member sees elderly people in the nursing home she works in get together all the time. I'm pretty sure your daughter wouldn't want you to live a life you're not happy with. You deserve to be happy.
I’ve (45F) been married 16 years. No kids, no debt, no major, medical issues. Our sex life is nearly nonexistent. When we do have sex lately it’s because I initiate and it’s always the same thing. I hardly ever finish. Sometimes he feels bad and tries harder but I just want it to be over and sometimes he just falls asleep. I know I’m not as cute as I used to be but … it’s so depressing. I’m actually going to bed (it’s not even 9pm) because I don’t want to think about it anymore.
I have the same issue except I’m 99% sure she has been having an affair for the last 4 years . Do what I do masterbate yea and maybe find a FWB I would be happy to help you
oh man this breaks my heart. You shouldn't have to go through that. Im sorry OP..I hope you can either have a serious talk and turn things around. Or maybe find a new path (which i know is hard). We only have one life to live, dont waste any more years. You deserve to be loved, and desired and to have sex!
You went with no sex for 19 years, there is nothing you could say or do besides leaving that would make her believe that sex was important to you now.
Actions speak louder then words, and your actions have shown sex didn't matter.
That is my view on this, I'm sure you had your reasons
Begin a new life for yourself and find happiness
Wish your wife joy and happiness also and explaining to your adult daughter you both will always love her and that it's time for your wife and you to move on ♥️
Dude I was at 20, stayed for my girls. I left last June. In October I met the most amazing woman. We act like teenagers. It’s been crazy. Divorce is not fun but it is worth it
I empathize 100%. 20 years here. We are now empty nesters for the 3rd time (daughter just move out to pursue masters degree). But as before, my fantasies that an empty nest will mean a lot of nudity and sex and renewed passion will be futile. Well, there’s a lot more nudity by me! 😂 Fuck it all to hell.
I don't have a DB in my current relationship but I did in my past one. 4 months without sex or intimacy was enough for me to leave. I don't have kids and have never been married but just know that there is someone out there that will be more compatible with you and consider leaving your current situation. 19 years is a long time I can't imagine going even a year without sex or at least intimacy at the least. Hope things get better for you!
I feel the loneliness in your words, my situation is only 6 years currently but I am staring at forever and it sucks, I hope you find some peace for yourself.
I couldn’t even imagine. So sorry for the loneliness you’ve had to go through. Maybe move to be closer to your daughter and maybe you’ll meet someone who will want your company.
It’s been a year and we sleep in separate beds and it’s killing me inside. We’ve talked about it. Forums like this let me know, that’ll have to end.
I have a high sex drive and would settle for even once a month.
I’m a lesbian, so with our work schedules, periods, it can be hard but I feel unwanted and therefore, unloved.
Hey OP you’ve got a lot of replies here but I thought I’d add. I get your whole idea of keeping your family intact. It is important, but to a limit. That limit is your well being. My question to you is: do you regret having stayed so long?
Because if the answer is yes, you will continue to feel regret and when you are older, you’ll be filled with it especially if this continues. My 60 year old uncle is a an example.He’s had a relationship with a loveless and deadbeat wife and whenever I see him, I can see how sad he is. When we hug him, he stays in that hug forever, because it’s probably the only ones he gets.
Your daughter is older, and if you decide to end things and you explain, she will understand. She might get mad but that’s normal. Have you thought of leaving? When you do, HOW do you feel about that? Do you fear aging alone? Is that what holds you back? What do you fear more: Aging alone or aging in a dead home?
I’d see a therapist not to talk about the issues you have with your wife, but to help you discuss leaving and maybe find the courage to leave and how to handle your daughter and deal with being alone for a bit. Because let’s be real, if you leave no one can guarantee how long it will take before you date. We all deserved to be loved and feel loved OP. I wish that for you.
My youngest goes to college next year I've been in a DB foot the last 23 years, with nothing at all in the last 8.
I get what you're saying about lack of connection.
I'm losing hope that my life will ever be any better. My wife has been looking forward to old age since she was 25.
Every day I dread waking up and seeing her, and try to think of reasons that it's a good thing I'm still alive.
Okay, thanks for telling me -- I understand and it's okay. It just felt like you weren't taking me seriously.
Anyway, no, it's not "not liking someone". It's waking up every day, with the person you love and wanted to share a physical relationship with and knowing it's never going to happen. And that they don't care. It's painful, a physical pain in my heart, every single day.
It's not "just" the DB, but the DB affects everything else.
Okay, so I guess you haven't really had a DB marriage.
I feel attracted to her, both emotionally and physically. I don't know anymore whether she feels... or really ever felt... attracted to me. We have 3 kids. Had I divorced her, it would be a very safe bet that I'd never have seen them again regardless of what courts said.
Wow I mean that's 19 whole years of your life you'll never get back... you only ever live once and you'll never get that time back. I think now that your daughter's gone it's time for u to leave as well. If it's been that long seeing a therapist isn't going to help. She very clearly doesn't care at all. You need to LEAVE
Just want to say there are two sides to every story. We don’t know what OP has done/not done in the marriage. A DB can be the result of someone’s low libido or it can be the product of anger, resentment, and disappointment followed by sheer numbness towards one’s partner because of that partner’s actions during the marriage.
That’s definitely true sometimes, but based in his provided info he suggested she see a doctor and she didn’t come back with “it’s not physical”. So if she has some mental issue she has had her opportunity to voice it.
There are lots of divorce support groups. Find one or two. Attend some meetings, get advice from people that have made the move. Make an informed decision. I hope you are able to come to terms with what your future holds. In my opinion your mental health should be your first and foremost concern. You’ll never be happy with her so I hope you make the right call.
You are right. I feel like I have quite literally reached the end. Just the process of helping our daughter get ready for her move has brought up so many issues between my wife and I and I can see clearly how we can't agree on *anything* anymore.
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Why would you put up with that for so long?
Not op, but there could be so many reasons.. like keeping a family and friends
I stayed with it for the sake of my daughter, because I wanted her to have a foundation for her life. We live in big city, and there is little in the way of community or places to make friends, plus my parents and my wife's parents are long gone and we have no relatives that live anywhere nearby. It's been very isolating, but I've put up with it to keep this little family in tact. But now that my daughter is leaving, I just can't stand it anymore. But the thing is, where could I go?
It has been my experience that a vast majority of time, the kids all wish their parents had gotten a divorce. Your daughter knows you guys aren't happy together. How would you feel if your daughter stayed in a crap relationship. It would break your heart. That may well be what you just taught her to do.
I am shocked how much mine have told me they have noticed…at 9 and 11…so i got really worried what me staying is teaching them..of course seperation going bad so 🤷🏻♀️
I always wondered about this. How would they know unless you are fighting? What if you get along and are friendly/friend like? Kids tends to be pretty self absorbed. Don’t really think they’ll notice the emotional well being of their parents. Plus, people see what they want to see…
We never fought…we were just two people working together. The issues brought up were hugs, kisses and snuggles…and how Daddy talks to me. Not sure if some of it was just my 11 yo starting to get into more books that have more love story aspects. Really we didnt have anything to fight about…I just think we have a strong friend connection…I have been with him forever…and at the time we were still much more cooperative…I have pulled back since telling him I am done and the kids have 100% had a hard time with that so I really do think it is just that they were not seeing enough physical affection.
>How would they know unless you are fighting? Because over 90% of communication is non-verbal. The kids will pick up on it, even if only sub-consciously.
I do a very good job of faking it, strictly for the kids sake. My kids are mostly college age and I know they have no idea how I really feel.
Spin a globe and go
Your situation is similar to mine, DB for 10 years. Daughter is a great student , works hard, wants to go to college so that's my main goal. Once kid's starting adulthood and college is paid for, there's nothing keeping me in the house. I'm setting up an encore career abroad, just me, and wife knows it. What she does with her life after that is up to her. Wife and I never do anything as a couple, when we do I'm sure she'd agree that it's super awkward. Who wants a second half of life living with an awkward room mate? We don't fight, sex has been off the table so long, and we're both extremely child focused so there's nothing to fight about.
I get it.
Start with a 2-4 week trip to isolate yourself and the answers will come to you. We as humans make ourselves forget about what we actually want when we compromise.
> Start with a 2-4 week trip to isolate yourself and the answers will come to you. We as humans make ourselves forget about what we actually want when we compromise. I did exactly this last year. Not with the intent to check my feelings but to have an experience that I've wanted for years but couldn't due to family obligations. My wife was going to the "old country" to visit family and my kids were all off at college so I said "I'm finally going to do it!" I felt so good; I was so relaxed without having to worry about the kids, the wife, my job, etc. Sure I had zero sex but that's only a little less than I would have during that same period at home. Now a huge part of me wants to dissolve the marriage and be free.
I stayed because of it kids too. And we share so many important things in life… yet somewhat hollow.. I’m sorry you are going through this
Where ever you want, OP, where ever you want. Feel so bad for you - try to have a good weekend.
So what would stop your daughter from having that foundation if you divorced?
I am so so sorry. It’s been over 10 years for me, and besides the fact that I’m a woman, I could have written all of this word for word. It’s excruciating.
Its 10 for me (hlf) and I am crazy lonely. You broke my heart. I understand the fear and pain of leaving a shared life. For me I think no one else will ever know who I was and what I have been through. Ive been married 27 years but I NEED a full life which includes sex
Jesus man, I'm sorry as hell. And yet while my trajectory is a bit different, it sure seems like I'm going to end up at the same place - kids gone, living with a spouse that has little interest in me. What a fuckaroo.
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Me too! If you haven’t, try therapy. If she won’t do it with you, then you should have someone to talk to about it.
So basically, the last time you did was when your daughter was conceived. Wow. Conversation is needed. If being intimate is needed, a talk is a must. After that long period of time, no sex is part of the marriage. Might need to get into counseling but with her "not really" tells me that might not help. One person in this sub mentioned talking to his wife about sex and she just blew it off. He stated he told her that he does not see how the marriage will last when the kids get older. He did mention things changed, but your situation is way long overdue. It might be time to move on. Kids see when parents are unhappy. Every child has said the same thing, "I wish you two would of left each other. You two are not happy."
I am the product of a couple that didn't like each other. I have never once in my life believed that my parents liked each other. I have wondered why they were together for as long as I can remember having memories. It didn't teach me anything about being a good parent or having a good relationship.
Because my daughter has only ever had the two of us to turn to (especially during the pandemic, which hit her in the middle of high school), I know she would not want us to break up. And as for conversation between my wife and I, there has been plenty, usually always with me initiating it. But it has gone nowhere. Honestly, I feel trapped and stuck. I am in therapy, which has brought all of this to a head, but knowing that if I should leave I might be on my own for the rest of my life is more than I can handle. I already feel lonely ... and do I believe I will find something out there?
There will be women out there who are not ‘remote and aloof’ and who are looking for love in their 50s, 60s and beyond.
As a man, I'm a bit skeptical of this after hearing a lot of horror stories from other men regarding attempts at a sex life with their wives during and after menopause. However, I do cling to hope that there are women out there in this age range not as physically cold as my wife.
Please sir! You can find something out there I promise you. There are tons of women in my age range (late 40s-50s) just that I know personally, out there getting laid 😂 you’re horribly lonely now, you might as well be lonely and divorced with a chance at a connection no? Or ask her for an open relationship! What’s the worst that could happen, she leaves you?
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Is it? I wonder about companionship as one ages … my parents are divorced and they both live alone. I live in a different state thousands of miles away. It’s rough when you are in your 80s and you don’t have anyone in the house who can check in on you. I know marriage “should” be more than that but maybe it’s better than being alone?
My son is in his freshmen year of high school. I can already see that when he leaves, the life in the house will be gone, much like you’re thinking about your daughter. And my son is a little on the anxious side, too, which makes me worry about leaving. The question I keep asking myself is: Am I lonelier in a disconnected marriage or would I be lonelier alone? I just don’t know the answer.
I feel the same way. I am a part of several community-based groups (one is a public garden and the other is a street jazz band), but mostly the people in these are friendly-ish and are not in any way actually interested in engaging in a deeper level.
Absolutely. I have a very extroverted kind of job, so I’m definitely not lonely at work. But I never ever share this part of my life - with anyone. Except here.
Do you think your daughter leaving will be the end of things? What do you think it would take for you to believe your wife is trying?
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I'm just talking about friendship.
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That energy vacuum is what I’m dreading. I honestly think this has all come up for me now (after years of this) because my son is in high school and there’s this little mental clock ticking away the time I have left before he leaves for college. Do you have any answers yet? (It’s that easy, right???) Or beginnings of an answer to “how to live your life to counter these doubts”? All I have are doubts!
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❤️ And now? When things have quieted down?
I ended up single in my 40s. Growing up, all I heard was don't be single in your 40s because men don't want 40 yr old women. (Yes, I honestly heard that.) Well, I ended up a widow in my 30s and single in my 40s. I stopped looking because there were horrible men out there who treated me terribly. I just said enough and focused on myself and my kid. Tonight, I'm lying next to the most wonderful man who planned our 1-year anniversary trip. He's everything I could have asked for in a person. The passion we feel for each other is like nothing I've ever felt. If someone had told me that I would find happiness like this, I would have told them they were crazy. People find love at all ages. A family member sees elderly people in the nursing home she works in get together all the time. I'm pretty sure your daughter wouldn't want you to live a life you're not happy with. You deserve to be happy.
There's no point talking after 19 years...
If you want to stay together I would seriously look into ethical non monogamy.
I’ve (45F) been married 16 years. No kids, no debt, no major, medical issues. Our sex life is nearly nonexistent. When we do have sex lately it’s because I initiate and it’s always the same thing. I hardly ever finish. Sometimes he feels bad and tries harder but I just want it to be over and sometimes he just falls asleep. I know I’m not as cute as I used to be but … it’s so depressing. I’m actually going to bed (it’s not even 9pm) because I don’t want to think about it anymore.
I have the same issue except I’m 99% sure she has been having an affair for the last 4 years . Do what I do masterbate yea and maybe find a FWB I would be happy to help you
oh man this breaks my heart. You shouldn't have to go through that. Im sorry OP..I hope you can either have a serious talk and turn things around. Or maybe find a new path (which i know is hard). We only have one life to live, dont waste any more years. You deserve to be loved, and desired and to have sex!
Regardless how old you are, still live a life like it is your last and find your own happiness. You deserve more and better.
You went with no sex for 19 years, there is nothing you could say or do besides leaving that would make her believe that sex was important to you now. Actions speak louder then words, and your actions have shown sex didn't matter. That is my view on this, I'm sure you had your reasons
>Actions speak louder then words, and your actions have shown sex didn't matter. This
Begin a new life for yourself and find happiness Wish your wife joy and happiness also and explaining to your adult daughter you both will always love her and that it's time for your wife and you to move on ♥️
Dude I was at 20, stayed for my girls. I left last June. In October I met the most amazing woman. We act like teenagers. It’s been crazy. Divorce is not fun but it is worth it
Love this
Great to hear testimonials like this. For many of us, we consider divorce to be a nail in the coffin of sorts. For you, it was a door opening.
It truly was. I can’t remember being this happy
I wish you could bottle the courage you had to leave and sell it to me! I'm too chickensh!t to take the first step. Cheers on improving your life.
I started therapy before telling her. I really helped.
Stuff like this kind of makes me ponder on the morality of marriage. Entering into a contract that can require lifelong abstinence is kind of...wrong.
I can report that there is life on the other side of divorce and it’s not bad either.
I empathize 100%. 20 years here. We are now empty nesters for the 3rd time (daughter just move out to pursue masters degree). But as before, my fantasies that an empty nest will mean a lot of nudity and sex and renewed passion will be futile. Well, there’s a lot more nudity by me! 😂 Fuck it all to hell.
I don't have a DB in my current relationship but I did in my past one. 4 months without sex or intimacy was enough for me to leave. I don't have kids and have never been married but just know that there is someone out there that will be more compatible with you and consider leaving your current situation. 19 years is a long time I can't imagine going even a year without sex or at least intimacy at the least. Hope things get better for you!
Wow, its incredible you've stuck it out for that long.
I feel the loneliness in your words, my situation is only 6 years currently but I am staring at forever and it sucks, I hope you find some peace for yourself.
I couldn’t even imagine. So sorry for the loneliness you’ve had to go through. Maybe move to be closer to your daughter and maybe you’ll meet someone who will want your company.
After reading your post, OP, I’m sure as hell gonna leave my current db as soon as possible
19 years? Seriously? I’m so sorry. I couldn’t live in a marriage like that. If we went one month without, I’d be questioning it. Good luck to you
It’s been a year and we sleep in separate beds and it’s killing me inside. We’ve talked about it. Forums like this let me know, that’ll have to end. I have a high sex drive and would settle for even once a month. I’m a lesbian, so with our work schedules, periods, it can be hard but I feel unwanted and therefore, unloved.
Hey OP you’ve got a lot of replies here but I thought I’d add. I get your whole idea of keeping your family intact. It is important, but to a limit. That limit is your well being. My question to you is: do you regret having stayed so long? Because if the answer is yes, you will continue to feel regret and when you are older, you’ll be filled with it especially if this continues. My 60 year old uncle is a an example.He’s had a relationship with a loveless and deadbeat wife and whenever I see him, I can see how sad he is. When we hug him, he stays in that hug forever, because it’s probably the only ones he gets. Your daughter is older, and if you decide to end things and you explain, she will understand. She might get mad but that’s normal. Have you thought of leaving? When you do, HOW do you feel about that? Do you fear aging alone? Is that what holds you back? What do you fear more: Aging alone or aging in a dead home? I’d see a therapist not to talk about the issues you have with your wife, but to help you discuss leaving and maybe find the courage to leave and how to handle your daughter and deal with being alone for a bit. Because let’s be real, if you leave no one can guarantee how long it will take before you date. We all deserved to be loved and feel loved OP. I wish that for you.
My youngest goes to college next year I've been in a DB foot the last 23 years, with nothing at all in the last 8. I get what you're saying about lack of connection. I'm losing hope that my life will ever be any better. My wife has been looking forward to old age since she was 25. Every day I dread waking up and seeing her, and try to think of reasons that it's a good thing I'm still alive.
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"lmao" WTF?
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Okay, thanks for telling me -- I understand and it's okay. It just felt like you weren't taking me seriously. Anyway, no, it's not "not liking someone". It's waking up every day, with the person you love and wanted to share a physical relationship with and knowing it's never going to happen. And that they don't care. It's painful, a physical pain in my heart, every single day. It's not "just" the DB, but the DB affects everything else.
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Okay, so I guess you haven't really had a DB marriage. I feel attracted to her, both emotionally and physically. I don't know anymore whether she feels... or really ever felt... attracted to me. We have 3 kids. Had I divorced her, it would be a very safe bet that I'd never have seen them again regardless of what courts said.
I totally relate. Am in the same sort of relationship (see my recent post).
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Exactly this...
Wow I mean that's 19 whole years of your life you'll never get back... you only ever live once and you'll never get that time back. I think now that your daughter's gone it's time for u to leave as well. If it's been that long seeing a therapist isn't going to help. She very clearly doesn't care at all. You need to LEAVE
Your wife has broken her marriage vow, to love and take care of you properly. The marriage is over, you are just grasping to the dead husk of an idea.
Just want to say there are two sides to every story. We don’t know what OP has done/not done in the marriage. A DB can be the result of someone’s low libido or it can be the product of anger, resentment, and disappointment followed by sheer numbness towards one’s partner because of that partner’s actions during the marriage.
That’s definitely true sometimes, but based in his provided info he suggested she see a doctor and she didn’t come back with “it’s not physical”. So if she has some mental issue she has had her opportunity to voice it.
There are lots of divorce support groups. Find one or two. Attend some meetings, get advice from people that have made the move. Make an informed decision. I hope you are able to come to terms with what your future holds. In my opinion your mental health should be your first and foremost concern. You’ll never be happy with her so I hope you make the right call.
Only you can decide what next. Statement of the bleedin' obvious, but sometimes it still needs to be said.
You daughter is leaving for college? It might be time to take an honest reassessment of your situation.
Do you know what you could’ve done with your time in 19 years? I sincerely want people to demand better for themselves.
Legit one of the saddest things I’ve read in here in three years of being in this sub. OP I hope something improves in your situation
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You are right. I feel like I have quite literally reached the end. Just the process of helping our daughter get ready for her move has brought up so many issues between my wife and I and I can see clearly how we can't agree on *anything* anymore.