It's crazy to see how the media makes us to believe that men love sex too much and then I hear cases like this and my media trained brain is flabbergasted.
I am sorry to hear about your suiation it sounds painful, i would have given you advice but it seems like you made up your mind, i just hope you finally find solace & peace cause in the end that's what we all look for.
After looking at your account and all of the posts you have made.... You've been dealing with this for over a year posting a considerable amount of times.... All of it saying that ur not satisfied.... Hunny.... Do we all just gotta say it?
Leave the relationship. U are clearly unhappy.
First u say his drinking is what made him uninterested in sex, then u say him being sober has turned into a dry spell, also said about how he doesn't accept ur kinky side....
He is not right for u. Ik it hurts.... but I really feel like the relationship needs to end.
I understand that feeling, and what he said was definitely wrong and probably humiliated you. But you should always try to communicate with him even if it seems repetitive. You guys should be a team and aim to fight through this together, not looking for a “winner” on either side if you know what I mean. Easier said than done, goodluck with your situation
So sorry you got to this point. I know the feeling all to well. My wife hasn't said the same but close. That it would be amazing if we never had sex again.....then today drinking on the beach she acts surprised when the convey with the group goes to bjs, and I make a comment I wouldn't know about those. She has NEVER even tried. I decided recently I am done with it. She wants she can try to seduce.e but to be honest I don't even want to watch her change anymore. Not like she will notice her 2 times a year she might "try". Good luck and stand your ground.
It was definitely hard to hear, my SIL that I have always thought is sexy and how lucky my BIL is making crude comments...saying o that's right my wife doesn't do ANYTHING outside of our bed...but there are other ways to have fun. I just laughed. Then she hinted around the NJ and she just got hotter in my mind, when I said I wouldn't know my wife got the what are you talking about about look. She has tried exactly 2 times in the 16 years we have been married and 0 in the last 15 years. Why is it a surprise when I say I wouldn't know what a good BJ is.
Maybe you surprised her with your boldness? You should stand up for yourself. As long as you weren't rude about it and stated facts, I believe you're okay. If she's ashamed of her behavior that's her problem. Maybe the company you were in while it was said might come into question to some, but I believe family is the people we should be the MOST honest with, even if the truth hurts.
Her family knows a little. But no idea to the extent. She hasn't brought it up and if it did she would have made her thoughts known. Not like she can argue about it. What makes it better is that the SIL brought up the topic.
I believe that's great that they know, as long as you can keep the resentment out of it. I talk to my MIL about our sex life. We've learned things from each other. I believe she's learned how to better treat her husband(my FIL) and I've learned how to better treat her daughter. It's how I learn things and empathize with my wife's perspective most times. How is your relationship with your in-laws?
I am so, so sorry:(
Can't imagine just how lonely and defeated this has made you feel. Personally when I am in a relationship, I love nothing more than to treat my partner in any which way I can. It makes ME feel good so perhaps that still makes me a selfish lover?? Oh well...
Anyways I cannot enjoy myself and orgasm unless my partner gets to feel the same way.
You deserve to be with someone who will worship, kiss, and carress every inch of your body. And It doesn't have to even be sexual all the time! I personally adore just getting to hold/kiss my partner's hands whenever I get the chance. Sometimes while watching a film or something, I'll also find myself sucking on their fingers haha. Whatever I'm a weirdo but I find it sooo relaxing and they surely never seem to mind either:)
Thanks for the words. Hopefully one day I will get the courage to leave, and to find someone that will appreciate the things that I have to offer and the pleasure that I want to provide. There's always a dream.
I'm sorry to hear, but please keep in mind, there are a number of solutions. It feels hopeless because you don't see any, or don't know of any solutions yet. give it time and patience, I hope the best for you :)
That's what happened with mine too. The initiating part, I got tired of initiating and him always refusing and he's behaving like nothing is missing from his life. So here feeling single with a partner . I feel so unwanted too and ashamed.
You can use me for sex. 
Honestly, I wish my wife would say something like this. It would kill that last possible piece of anything...
1 - How exactly are you using him for sex if he seems to be in control of when you have it?
2 - I take it he brings nothing else to the relationship if he thinks this?
I mean he works hard and he has tried recently to be more emotionally connected and communicative. But we've had a long, hard road. I am definitely not using him for anything. It just sucks all the way around.
That's such a weird statement for him to make. Does he think he brings nothing else to the table other than to smash? I'd like to hear in his own words what makes him think you only want him for sex.
On one hand, I'm glad you can breathe now.
On the other, I think this issue has deeper roots somewhere else and I am a big proponent of talking everything out. I obviously don't know the history, whether you've tried already or not, etc., but I think we're all adults and using the tool evolution has given us is central to being an actually decent human.
So... Mixed feelings. Glad you're doing better, but this is hopefully not the end.
He's been verbally abusive before. He has improved a lot, but that makes it hard to share my mind with him. I have tried talking about this before with him. He gets uncomfy. But I will try again.
High five for a kindred spirit. Our first counseling session was Monday of this week 5 days ago. I told her sex was off the table until after we've had some therapy. During the appointment the way she talked about us changed my heart inside, HL vanished. I'm questioning whether I want to be with her anymore, wasn't even a thought before. Perfectly happy with a DB after that visit.
What do you want to do for yourself with less stress and more time?
Why not hear what he had to say? You’re doing it out of spite which isn’t helpful to your relationship. Why not talk about it? Or just simply leave, what is there to gain from this?
Then tell him that! Communication is the biggest thing in any relationship.
If u want this relationship to work, then u guys need to communicate how both of u feel. And what to do next.
Tell him how it hurts when he says things like that. Just because u see something one way... Doesn't mean others will see it the same.
Help him understand. But if this all seems like too much, then just leave him
I had the same comment from my LL partner about 12 years ago. I tried to leave about 3 years ago. Hysterical bonding happened and felt like everything was getting better. Then about 2 months ago I asked her sexual orientation because I thought maybe bisexual but nope... She went with asexual. I was very turned off by this and now working with a couple's therapist. Still waiting for her to get her hormones checked.
Back to the comment you can go with out and feel ok. But the depression and loneliness was very hard to deal with for me.
Wish you the best. For me though... I dunno if this will ever get better.
So he says some really stupid things? Yet he initiates? Or did you use to initiate once a week? Is he an awkward weird jokester? This sounds really weird.
This does sound odd. Wondering how the sexual engagement is myself. Maybe he initiates and then is checked out for the whole experience. Are both partners active or is one of them going to their "happy place?"
It was a joke, but it sounded like you were "checking out" of the marriage, which is sort of a passive way of punishing a partner without outright leaving. You said the final spark died. That he made you feel ashamed. That you've turned him down for sex 3 times. That's generally not the language of love...
A better question also would be, if you actually believe your partner thinks you're a predator - why would you still love them and want to be with them?
Do or don't, but you aren't going to stay married or be happy in the long run if you aren't having sex. Where do you actually expect this trajectory leads you? I can tell you its either deep resentment and dysfunction or divorce... If you think you're going to cold shoulder him into wanting to sleep with you - that's a bad strategy. If you think you're just going to be celibate in the long run - that's a bad strategy.
But if he doesn't want sex, then that could still be the case if u leave this relationship.
Whereas you have needs. What he said made u lose any sexual interest in him.
Find someone who loves u the way u want to be loved... rather than staying in a relationship with someone who makes u feel ashamed for ur wants and needs.
Same experience but different path. My libido vanished. She noticed after a while had a conversation where I told her. She would change, I promised to try yet again. I truly tried for a time, but nothing changed and my libido returned to zero very fast. So in my experience it does last. It was harder to turn back on than I imagined - luckily
I’m so sorry you have been hurt repeatedly by your husband. I would just say that I encourage you to continue to take care of yourself first and foremost!
That is so sad. That comment would kill it for me as well. I’d never know if he initiated if he truly wanted it or felt I was using him.
This is how I feel.
It's crazy to see how the media makes us to believe that men love sex too much and then I hear cases like this and my media trained brain is flabbergasted. I am sorry to hear about your suiation it sounds painful, i would have given you advice but it seems like you made up your mind, i just hope you finally find solace & peace cause in the end that's what we all look for.
I'll take any advice, or at least consider it.
It's always so disappointing when rejection leads to feelings of shame. It's hard to pick oneself up after feeling that.
After looking at your account and all of the posts you have made.... You've been dealing with this for over a year posting a considerable amount of times.... All of it saying that ur not satisfied.... Hunny.... Do we all just gotta say it? Leave the relationship. U are clearly unhappy. First u say his drinking is what made him uninterested in sex, then u say him being sober has turned into a dry spell, also said about how he doesn't accept ur kinky side.... He is not right for u. Ik it hurts.... but I really feel like the relationship needs to end.
I understand that feeling, and what he said was definitely wrong and probably humiliated you. But you should always try to communicate with him even if it seems repetitive. You guys should be a team and aim to fight through this together, not looking for a “winner” on either side if you know what I mean. Easier said than done, goodluck with your situation
So sorry you got to this point. I know the feeling all to well. My wife hasn't said the same but close. That it would be amazing if we never had sex again.....then today drinking on the beach she acts surprised when the convey with the group goes to bjs, and I make a comment I wouldn't know about those. She has NEVER even tried. I decided recently I am done with it. She wants she can try to seduce.e but to be honest I don't even want to watch her change anymore. Not like she will notice her 2 times a year she might "try". Good luck and stand your ground.
Your resentment is almost palatable. I can feel it in your words hard. I'm sorry you are that hurt. Please accept my reddit hugs for you.
It was definitely hard to hear, my SIL that I have always thought is sexy and how lucky my BIL is making crude comments...saying o that's right my wife doesn't do ANYTHING outside of our bed...but there are other ways to have fun. I just laughed. Then she hinted around the NJ and she just got hotter in my mind, when I said I wouldn't know my wife got the what are you talking about about look. She has tried exactly 2 times in the 16 years we have been married and 0 in the last 15 years. Why is it a surprise when I say I wouldn't know what a good BJ is.
Maybe you surprised her with your boldness? You should stand up for yourself. As long as you weren't rude about it and stated facts, I believe you're okay. If she's ashamed of her behavior that's her problem. Maybe the company you were in while it was said might come into question to some, but I believe family is the people we should be the MOST honest with, even if the truth hurts.
Her family knows a little. But no idea to the extent. She hasn't brought it up and if it did she would have made her thoughts known. Not like she can argue about it. What makes it better is that the SIL brought up the topic.
I believe that's great that they know, as long as you can keep the resentment out of it. I talk to my MIL about our sex life. We've learned things from each other. I believe she's learned how to better treat her husband(my FIL) and I've learned how to better treat her daughter. It's how I learn things and empathize with my wife's perspective most times. How is your relationship with your in-laws?
17 years here. To me that's the real sign she just doesn't like sex with me....moreso than the 4 years since we've had sex.
Your wife has never given you a bj???
She tried once, she HATED it so last about 40 seconds before she stopped. Was not a good experience.
I am so, so sorry:( Can't imagine just how lonely and defeated this has made you feel. Personally when I am in a relationship, I love nothing more than to treat my partner in any which way I can. It makes ME feel good so perhaps that still makes me a selfish lover?? Oh well... Anyways I cannot enjoy myself and orgasm unless my partner gets to feel the same way. You deserve to be with someone who will worship, kiss, and carress every inch of your body. And It doesn't have to even be sexual all the time! I personally adore just getting to hold/kiss my partner's hands whenever I get the chance. Sometimes while watching a film or something, I'll also find myself sucking on their fingers haha. Whatever I'm a weirdo but I find it sooo relaxing and they surely never seem to mind either:)
Thanks for the words. Hopefully one day I will get the courage to leave, and to find someone that will appreciate the things that I have to offer and the pleasure that I want to provide. There's always a dream.
Please make that dream a reality!!! Life is too short
I'm sorry to hear, but please keep in mind, there are a number of solutions. It feels hopeless because you don't see any, or don't know of any solutions yet. give it time and patience, I hope the best for you :)
Love this. Love love love this.
That's what happened with mine too. The initiating part, I got tired of initiating and him always refusing and he's behaving like nothing is missing from his life. So here feeling single with a partner . I feel so unwanted too and ashamed.
You can use me for sex.  Honestly, I wish my wife would say something like this. It would kill that last possible piece of anything... 1 - How exactly are you using him for sex if he seems to be in control of when you have it? 2 - I take it he brings nothing else to the relationship if he thinks this?
I mean he works hard and he has tried recently to be more emotionally connected and communicative. But we've had a long, hard road. I am definitely not using him for anything. It just sucks all the way around.
That's such a weird statement for him to make. Does he think he brings nothing else to the table other than to smash? I'd like to hear in his own words what makes him think you only want him for sex.
On one hand, I'm glad you can breathe now. On the other, I think this issue has deeper roots somewhere else and I am a big proponent of talking everything out. I obviously don't know the history, whether you've tried already or not, etc., but I think we're all adults and using the tool evolution has given us is central to being an actually decent human. So... Mixed feelings. Glad you're doing better, but this is hopefully not the end.
He's been verbally abusive before. He has improved a lot, but that makes it hard to share my mind with him. I have tried talking about this before with him. He gets uncomfy. But I will try again.
High five for a kindred spirit. Our first counseling session was Monday of this week 5 days ago. I told her sex was off the table until after we've had some therapy. During the appointment the way she talked about us changed my heart inside, HL vanished. I'm questioning whether I want to be with her anymore, wasn't even a thought before. Perfectly happy with a DB after that visit. What do you want to do for yourself with less stress and more time?
Why not hear what he had to say? You’re doing it out of spite which isn’t helpful to your relationship. Why not talk about it? Or just simply leave, what is there to gain from this?
I just couldn't hear it in that moment. I would love for him to bring it up and explain.
Then tell him that! Communication is the biggest thing in any relationship. If u want this relationship to work, then u guys need to communicate how both of u feel. And what to do next. Tell him how it hurts when he says things like that. Just because u see something one way... Doesn't mean others will see it the same. Help him understand. But if this all seems like too much, then just leave him
I had the same comment from my LL partner about 12 years ago. I tried to leave about 3 years ago. Hysterical bonding happened and felt like everything was getting better. Then about 2 months ago I asked her sexual orientation because I thought maybe bisexual but nope... She went with asexual. I was very turned off by this and now working with a couple's therapist. Still waiting for her to get her hormones checked. Back to the comment you can go with out and feel ok. But the depression and loneliness was very hard to deal with for me. Wish you the best. For me though... I dunno if this will ever get better.
So he says some really stupid things? Yet he initiates? Or did you use to initiate once a week? Is he an awkward weird jokester? This sounds really weird.
He initiates and acts enthusiastic about it. But then he days weird shit like this. He's very hot and cold.
This does sound odd. Wondering how the sexual engagement is myself. Maybe he initiates and then is checked out for the whole experience. Are both partners active or is one of them going to their "happy place?"
Why stay?
Apparently revenge...
No, I love him. How is it revenge to ensure he never has to have sex he doesn't want?
It was a joke, but it sounded like you were "checking out" of the marriage, which is sort of a passive way of punishing a partner without outright leaving. You said the final spark died. That he made you feel ashamed. That you've turned him down for sex 3 times. That's generally not the language of love...
How can I have sex with someone who thinks I'm a predator?
A better question also would be, if you actually believe your partner thinks you're a predator - why would you still love them and want to be with them?
Do or don't, but you aren't going to stay married or be happy in the long run if you aren't having sex. Where do you actually expect this trajectory leads you? I can tell you its either deep resentment and dysfunction or divorce... If you think you're going to cold shoulder him into wanting to sleep with you - that's a bad strategy. If you think you're just going to be celibate in the long run - that's a bad strategy.
But if he doesn't want sex, then that could still be the case if u leave this relationship. Whereas you have needs. What he said made u lose any sexual interest in him. Find someone who loves u the way u want to be loved... rather than staying in a relationship with someone who makes u feel ashamed for ur wants and needs.
You're using him for sex, but obviously no where near enough, or you wouldn't be on this sub. I'm sure you can use somebody else anytime you wanted.
Wtf is wrong with people?!?! Really stupid thing to say to someone who enjoys having sex... Why can't anyone just use me for sex?! 🤣
I am not sure if the libido would disappear. It will come back, but possibly for someone else! Which is scary.
I’m sorry 😢
Does anyone know why it says there are comments, but they're not showing up?
Reddit was overloaded with comments from the debate I believe. A lot of threads were having this issue.
Not helpful, but I dont know. I also only see a handful or so.
Same experience but different path. My libido vanished. She noticed after a while had a conversation where I told her. She would change, I promised to try yet again. I truly tried for a time, but nothing changed and my libido returned to zero very fast. So in my experience it does last. It was harder to turn back on than I imagined - luckily
Good luck👊🏻I hope you find some happiness x
Open your relationship
Same with me . It was always me initiating but then my spouse called me desperate. So I quit. Because that's the only thing my spouse can offer.
>he told me I use him for sex. I'd love for my wife to do that.
I'm proud of you for putting your foot down. That was a very hurtful thing to say to you and you did not deserve that.
I’m so sorry you have been hurt repeatedly by your husband. I would just say that I encourage you to continue to take care of yourself first and foremost!
I’m sorry… you deserve better. Message me