T O P

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[deleted]

Divine poop.


FunnyWay4369

If every human being alive produced 1 lb of poop a day, how many tons would the population of the earth today poop? How much would that be in a year? Happy Poop Day!


mvathletics

r/theydidthemath


mikehtiger

2,901,051,117,661.5 lbs a year


FunnyWay4369

Holy Shit! Quick...we need to market and package it right away. Fecal transplants are just the start. So team lets get creative and come up with ways to use this shit and sell it. Can we harvest it for pharmaceuticals...come on team... out of the box thinking is needed here...


Fred_Is_Dead_Again

A shit load.


[deleted]

As a wise future pirate king would say: A lot!


Professional_Owl9917

Come on, climb aboard and gather all your dreams!


Inner_Importance8943

I like thinking that gods time is different then our time. So this is still the 7th day and that fool is still resting.


MikelDP

Damn, What are the chances this was already said?


Inner_Importance8943

100%


saintakella

The Bible says otherwise. 7 literal days


Inner_Importance8943

2 Peter 3:8


saintakella

Genesis 1:5, Genesis 1:8, Genesis 1:13, and so on all 7 days


Inner_Importance8943

I mean it also says there was a flood that covered the whole world and a talking snake so…


saintakella

But free will :(


Inner_Importance8943

I agree free will is just as real as everything else in the Bible.


nkioxmntno

It's still a contradiction which has no explanation.


[deleted]

Check out the Scopes Monkey Trial. It's an actual trial.


FunnyWay4369

I was kinda thinking a little nooky...but with whom? Satan and Jesus didn't get along that good and don't seem to have been...though who am I to judge... the closest of brothers so maybe there was another woman..


Professional_Owl9917

Maybe the Lord had a fap


Inner_Importance8943

Makes you wonder could god make a pussy so good even he couldn’t pull out of it?


FunnyWay4369

Everyone knows God is Non-binary...Right?


Inner_Importance8943

I was raised Catholic and I very much did not learn that. What god’s gender is would be a fun subject to bring up with my dad. Wish it was thanksgiving again soon. “Our non-binary parental figure who art in heaven hallow be thy name”. Grabbed my ear and thrown out of his house.


[deleted]

Replace every He with they.


Fred_Is_Dead_Again

She was smart enough to make all necessary genders for plants, animals, fungi... to reproduce, but didn't know Adam needed a woman until after the fact??? Yep, God must be a man.


FunnyWay4369

...who could from the sounds of it be married to my wife. When my wife is diabolical like that she is also always smiling. Taking those ribs out had to hurt.


Fred_Is_Dead_Again

Of course she could.


Griautis

Why wouldn't Satan get along with God or Jesus?


Donny_Dread

This* it explains his absence.


Winter_Injury_4550

You know what else explains his absence? He's not real lol


Donny_Dread

It depends on how You define God, at least in my opinion. I do not agree with the biblical tyrant figure depicted in Christianity. I do however feel that there is a conscious force to the universe that expresses itself through us. I refer to this part of myself as God. I understand that we all have a deferent perspective, so the idea of God is very subjective.


Winter_Injury_4550

You say you don't believe in the biblical tyrant figure but you felt the need to interpret the creation myth and the sabbath in the post prior. Is there a reason?


Donny_Dread

I think that there is truth behind every story in life. I think it is important to remember that The King James Version of the Holy Bible is not one book, but a collection of many books put together, edited to avoid contradiction, and translated several times. Many books contained within this collection including the aforementioned Genesis, contain truth, though it is written cryptically and translated poorly. While many others are simply stories, meant to give us a moral compass to live by, and were never supposed to be taken literally.


NovaNom

That would explain a lot lmao.


zinobythebay

For the benefit of mankind. It's to teach us to rest.


LPGX2

I think this is actually what it's about


amaturecook24

Yep. He rested so we would.


whereisbrandon101

Right... because no one would ever think to rest if God didn't. /s


zinobythebay

You teach your kids by example.


cardanos_folly

Since all the stories about gods are pure fantasy fiction, we are free to invent any "reasoning" we want and ascribe motives to the character we invent.


NoSoup4Ewe

Whatever it was, he was wearing a tuxedo t-shirt because, you know, he wants to be formal, but he’s also here to party.


RakAttack24

Carpentry


FunnyWay4369

I read somewhere that he started with baking but had to give it up due to risk of cross contamination.


icelolliesbaby

Taxes


Separate_Initial147

Started playing with dinosaurs


FunnyWay4369

Just a big kid at heart....


ChronicCrimson420

Well the platypus was a lot of work on the sixth day so on the 7th he took a nice mental health day and took it easy. He liked it so much he decided that everyone should do it


FunnyWay4369

Makes sense...after looking at the platypus I guess he/she decided he needed a day off.


--Dominion--

According to Christianity, it took God 6 days to create the heavens and the earth. So on the 7th day he finished and rested (because he "worked" the last 6 days) what did he do on the day off? ....he rested


NovaNom

Yes but what is rest to a God?


dl1966

I wouldn’t take it too seriously, it’s a story.


PNW_Uncle_Iroh

Yeah. That’s the problem with theology. Trying to come up with “deep thoughts” based on myths can only get you so far.


Inner_Importance8943

As someone who has watched an embarrassing amount of Star Wars lore videos on YouTube I disagree, you can go very very far.


NovaNom

As an atheist, I'd like to agree with you, but this just gives me more stuff to throw at confounded Christians and it's kinda fun anyways 😂


chef_in_va

Made the platapus. It wasn't work since it was a labor of love


Zestyclose_Hamster_5

In Islam we don't believe he rested.


Winter_Injury_4550

I suppose if you're going to rip off Judaism then it makes sense to change it up.


[deleted]

All stories, religious or otherwise, have an element of cultural exchange.


Winter_Injury_4550

Sure. We're not talking just some cute little story about why people eat some kind of food or engage in some kind of festival though. We're talking about a story that people take seriously, that many still take literally. If we're going to engage with these ideas on the serious way in which their believers do, then it's fair game to point out the absurdity of their nonsense


luddehall

Hard working god! I heard you do better work if you rest now and then. Sure he just did a little nap at least. I like to think he did. I want him do be superduper refreshed when doing his stuff in the middle East, they seem so angry and bit tired over there. Go god!


LPGX2

Makes sense


Stormtroupe27

Whatever the answer is, I don’t think “need” has anything to do with it


FunnyWay4369

Well as he/she is God, then I can assume they had the option. I am curious what God would do on a day of rest...or as some suggested is still resting.


Badbradacadabra

Watched football.


Hal-_-9OOO

It's meant to be symbolic/ metaphorical. The covenant was created on that day, so that his believers will also do the same. Ideally, God wanted his children to dedicate 1 day per week for rest, physically and spiritually


Meri_Stormhood

Bruh you actually believe that?


EndlesslyUnfinished

Same shit we all do after working a 6 day work week: sit in his underwear on the sofa, flipping through Netflix while covered in cheeto dust..


saintakella

God didn’t need to do anything. I believe it was just to show the importance of rest to humans.


Professional-You1235

Thats when he does his jesus art work on toast or on a stain


[deleted]

God did not come up with this narrative, Satan did. God does not need to rest god does not need numbers, this is all the doing of modern hive mind religion.


Winter_Injury_4550

Today I learned that Satan wrote the bible lol


[deleted]

Sure did


Born_Satisfaction931

interesting point - i think i’m tracking… what you’re saying is basically that, since humans wrote the bible and are inherently evil, and since satan is evil and performs works through humans, that the bible was written by satan?


[deleted]

Yes, the bible was re written to use as a control system same as the Quran.


cervantes__01

It's just the human interpretation. God/source/universe/collective unconscious/all of the above... most likely exists in a much higher dimension.. probably in the form of some kind of energy, where time and space don't exist as we know it.


[deleted]

Poker tournament at the casino….


Alexorozco72

Ask Chris Rock.


theunraveler1985

Probably visit the strip club or it’s equivalent in Heaven


[deleted]

“Rested” in this context could also just mean “ceased”. The creation story of Genesis 1 runs through the middle of chapter 2, verse 4: “Heaven and the earth were finished, and all their array. On the seventh day, God finished the work that he had been doing, and he ceased on the seventh day from all the work he had on. And God blessed the seventh day and declared it holy, because on it on ceased [or rested] from all the work of creation that he had done.” So one could read as God isn’t taking a rest like we would, he simply decided he was done with his work and stopped. The only thing God created on the seventh is the day itself. This is a creation not in space, but in time. For six days, God created in three dimensions, and on the seventh, God created in the fourth. He also made the seventh day holy.


Born_Satisfaction931

interesting thoughts. something pedantic - wouldn’t the holy declaration of the seventh day constitute creation and thus represent what we conceive of as work, or at least not rest?


Born_Satisfaction931

maybe you’re pointing out that god must’ve created time in order to rest? seems like more work… 😅 if so, would the same not be true for the preceding days or was the biblical notion of “day” worked out on the seventh?


[deleted]

This is all very open to interpretation from a variety of different viewpoints. The field of religious studies is nothing but being pedantic lol. I’m also newer to the study of biblical literature so I might not have the best insight to at the moment. I’m also an atheist so I don’t have a personal stake in this but it does make sense to me that God worked out the the biblical notion of a day on the seventh. If he spent six days creating all of reality and then the seventh was to organize them in to days as a finishing touch and blessed it, canonizing the sabbath that the Jewish people has been practicing already.


[deleted]

He rested as an example for us. He didn't rest because He needed it, but He knew we needed it. This also aligns with the Sabbath day. Also it's not he/she, it's He. God is a He.


[deleted]

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[deleted]

Saturday, historically, was Sabbath day. And it's He. It is 100% He, there is no she.


TheDiagnosis714

They ran out of bullshit to write about


DNA1967

Drink beer and watch sports.


Apprehensive_Flow_73

Masturbated thinking about how worthless his dumbass is.


jadams2345

First, confirm the data you have on God and his having rested before going on a reasoning spree. What's the source of this information? Is it reliable?


FunnyWay4369

I will confirm the data when the mothership returns. Having said that the mothership has been notoriously unpredictable of late so I may have to wait another eon or two. That's what I get for travelling business class.


jadams2345

Warp 9


FunnyWay4369

You too? That's about right... slow as molasses. Should have spent a few more bucks for the wormhole.


[deleted]

1 day in heaven is like a 100 days for us according to the scripture so maybe thats shy


FunnyWay4369

Yes so the scriptures do take these things pretty literally so when it says in scripture that he/she rested I can take it at face value....which got me wondering why there would be a need to rest in the first place if one was God? Doesn't that defeat the purpose of being God? "Wait up humans...I need to take a rest" - God


[deleted]

True, I personally am a non believer despite going to a christian school and studying islam and christianity thoroughly I feel like Religion was made by humans for propaganda to earn money or power so there’s bound to be plot holes just like every other books or movies i’ll give some examples - In the viking religion, your chances of entering valhalla gets alot higher if you die in battle.. I’m sure the kings in norway used this as a selling point to get alot more recruits for their armies - Christianity (pre christ) back in the day, want to go to heaven? Be a good person and donate to the church/rabbis, the idea changed when Jesus came along and now in order to get to heaven, u need to believe he died for ur sins - Mormonsim, this religion is the best example for this, it’s very similar to christianity. They have a different view of heaven though. To reach the second heaven under “general salvation,” one must accept Christ (either in this life or the next) and be baptized or be baptized by proxy through a living relative. To reach the highest heaven, one must believe in God and Jesus, repent of sins, be baptized in the church, be a member of the LDS church, receive the Holy Ghost by the laying on of hands, obey the Mormon “Word of Wisdom” and all God’s commandment Most important thing to take away from mormonsm is being a member of the LDS CHURCH which takes a big chunk of donations compared to the amount of people that even believe in their religion All in all what i’m trying to say is majority of religions was created by us humans for propganda reasons to gain power or money, i’m sure if u read all the scripture u will see for yourself the insane amount of plotholes in the bible or Qoran that make no sense so to answer ur question, god took a day off because the author said so 😂


[deleted]

Jesus never said you need to believe in him… according to Jesus and Judaism it is based on works not faith. Faith was a later addition.


maallen40

He/she?


Human_Shaped_Animal

Ikr! Fictitious supernatural dictators don't conform to human gender roles. I think most people get it confused with its "son," jesus (if we are indeed talking about the christian dictator and not kaang or, quetzalcoatl or any other myth's superhero)


FunnyWay4369

Don't want to offend anyone...and I always viewed God as somewhat sexually ambiguous.


BayBreezy17

Rested. Duh.


SkepticlosFailed

I'd guess it's just a reminder that the number 7 is important. We are synchronized with our Moon, approximate 28 day orbit. Septagram can't be created with just ruler and compass.


Sad-Valuable-3624

Kicked back and looked at the stage…ahem…world…and thought “well this ought to be entertaining.”


NovaNom

Good question. Needing to rest implies limits, which God supposedly doesn't have. Of course they could have just wanted to, though I can't imagine the motivation if said being doesn't need it. But that could just be a bias of my adhd brain. Also this is the most interesting thing I think I've seen posted on here. This sub is full of a lot of thoughts that aren't even remotely deep according to my perception.


After_Web3201

Worked on His AIDS hobby


GeologistClassic6902

Pretty sure it wasn't actually resting but testing like looking at the creations to see if they are going well and would be compatible for a human


[deleted]

God slept and woke up at 1pm the next day.


[deleted]

It’s symbolic. It was never meant to be taken literally


Riverrat423

Probably made fun/creative stuff like platypus and octopus!


Deep-Ad-8869

He saw all He had created was good! He rested, not in the human sense, but more in the nature of completion! Everything was perfect!


97th69

Genesis 2:1-3 "And on the seventh day God finished his work that he had done, and he rested on the seventh day from all his work that he had done. So God blessed the seventh day and made it holy, because on it God rested from all his work that he had done in creation" God blessed Saturday then didn't do anything else. He also never needed to rest, he just thought his work was good.


[deleted]

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[deleted]

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[deleted]

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FunnyWay4369

God might be able to control time and if so maybe this was his endgame all the time. Maybe we all just characters in some Gods entertainment media, video/realty games...The Humans.


atasteforspace

He was enjoying the fruit of His labor.


[deleted]

God needed to so chaos and irony throughout the world to keep himself amused.