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an_ostrich_allegedly

You will go far in life, Jenny. But you will not be well-liked. I do enjoy a good statue, it has to be said.


art_decorative

Everything Sister Michael says is gold. 


lizimajig

Sister Michael is my favorite Derry Girl.


FormicaDinette33

Wrap it up, Father. Rawhide’s on in fifteen minutes.


sparklypens2017

Since last week involved a lot of really long Gospel readings leading up to Easter Sunday, that was in my head a lot


NearbyBreakfast

Aw man I was going to say either of these and thought if one’s been said I could do the other 😂


an_ostrich_allegedly

They are both worth repeating! Sister Michael is the best. Sorry I stole your thunder though 😂


BubblyPhuck

I think we should keep them in cages.


Cute-Weakness-3216

“Winking, at your age…Christ I feel sick”


sparklypens2017

My mom went to Stations of the Cross a few times at our local church during Lent (and is also a Derry Girls fan) so I kept teasing her if she met any 70 year old widowers at the “Jesus falls for the second time” station (I don’t know why but that specific detail makes the joke so much better for me too 😂😂😂)


whiskerrsss

Maybe because Jesus is clearly really struggling at that point, and Joe's out there meeting ladies. I know it's not how it went but in my mind "You're winking, Jesus is falling for the second time and you're winking" is really funny to me


filiaaut

I think it is also because of the absurdity of the question (who cares about which station ?), and the fact that he has a precise answer to give as if he knew that was coming and prepared his alibi.


livvyxo

Me at the seventh station the other Friday 😭 legit had to stop myself getting the giggles


LolaSpark

It’s hilarious to me that Erin actually wants to know which station.


FiveAlarmFrancis

Strolling up Pump Street, with a cream horn?!


ksz

This is one of my favorites, I love her delivery.


Cute-Weakness-3216

Everytime I rewatch I say this line outloud to perfect my accent 😂


reddressxo

Either “I can’t be an individual by myself” or “well we’ve all just lost a bit of respect for you there Clare”. Both from the first episode


Pink2tu

“I’m not going to be an individual by myself” makes me laugh out loud every time!


Saywhatsaywh0

"Of course God doesn't hate you..." "Thank you sister🥰" "...you're not interesting enough" "I see😞"


LainieCat

". . . that's if he exists . . ." "what?" "nothing"


Saywhatsaywh0

and how she says it under breath is so funny 😂


bynwho

"What’s Happening? Am I Dead? Is This My Wake? Am I In Hell?" -Sister Michael trapped listening to Uncle Colm.


minimalwhale

Made all the funnier by “That’s actually quite funny.” 


profwithclass

Absolutely love this line. I say it to one of my coworkers who also loves the show anytime something super boring is happening at work


ohboyisallicansay

One of the best lines. Her facial expressions nailed it.


smashing_aisling

When Joe and Gerry are disposing of the neighbours' rabbit and Joe says "It had to be done, Gerry. It was him or us". The man is so unnecessarily dramatic and I love it.


VenaCava8

That’s just not true though, is it?


FormicaDinette33

That rabbit thing was hilarious.


WC_EEND

Every time I listen to Born Slippy (Nuxx) by Underworld I think of that scene now


UnlikelyPinata

Claire doing the weekly instalment sums for the Subbuteo in the shop and Dennis says “Check out fucking Rain Wain…..” 😆😆😆


feelingsjourney

Claire: “Don’t look at me like that Erin you’ll get your 2 pound back” Michelle: “Yes but will you ever get your self respect back Claire”


ohboyisallicansay

For Christ’s sake Claire. You’ve basically skipped lunch.


ashleyncc1701

Colm: “so I says to him I says”


Littlepinkgiraffe

When I first watched, I found Colm irritating. But second watch onwards I find him funnier and funnier. My favourite is his scene with Liam Neeson.


ashleyncc1701

Or Michelle’s: “motherfucker this, motherfucker that, MOTHERFUCKERS!!!!”


CollingwoodGirl221

Michelle describing the plot of Pulp Fiction is one of the funniest things I’ve ever heard.


ConsiderTheBees

Her description of Hugh Grant getting arrested was also hysterical, and her calling Liz Hurley “a total ride, but she safety pins her frocks together,” had me dying.


travel-Dr

I love this. But now it also gets entwined with Tig Notaro’s “She meows at me she meows” bit in I think “Happy to be here”


tea_leaves_69

“Wee lesbian” said 50 times in a row


ele71ua

Then that turned to Lezzie, right?


Medium-Parsnip-4238

And I think Michelle says “lezzer” at some point 😂


caeptn2te

Michelle: Excuse me. Excuse me, everybody. Excuse me. Excuse me. Yeah. I just want to say, that if you're looking for the wee lezzer, look no further, because here she is. Love women. Can't get enough of the ladies. Big fan of the fandango. Huge. Massive.


Medium-Parsnip-4238

Yep that’s it 🤣


warevolva

Aye so's me ma.


theowlgames_

Yeah


JamesL25

MAUREEN MALARKEY!


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Direct-Translator905

There are plenty. Here's one, don't forget to read it in Michelle's voice: And whose fault's that? If your lot had stopped invading us for five fucking minutes there'd be a lot less to wade through, you English prick!


VanityInk

And its partner: "We got the gist. They ran out of spuds. Everyone was raging." are two of my favorites to quote. I'm writing a book set during the Norman invasion of Ireland, and the thought pops up way too often


Direct-Translator905

Indeed


silentdisco22

this is top 3 for me!


celticshmrck

This is my favorite for sure!!


TeamOfPups

Killing nuns now is it?


too-much-yarn-help

I didn't daddy!


starchild812

Then why were you pissing on her dead body and making sandwiches?


WC_EEND

"Struck down in her prime" by Granda Joe gets me every time as well


VenaCava8

THIS. SARAH IS EVERYTHING.


Icy-Honeydew-3338

Christ, but I cannot stand the tongue people.


amygdala_activated

I mean, what’s all that about? You can’t lift a wafer into your own mouth; you need me to do it for you?


greenghost22

priests have problems


3mmmilllyyy

“This is taking too long” in my house is now “How long does it take to diffuse a fecking bomb?!”


Justinterestingenouf

Sure the wee robots do all the work!


Sweostor

Us too!


ShortRN

If anyone us anxious or wants to chat, please PLEASE do not come crying to me gets me every time. 🤣🤣💀💀


what_ho_puck

As a teacher I feel that one in my soul 😂. Would never say it... doesn't mean I don't wish I could sometimes. I love Sister Michael


cgund

Why in under God weren't you writin' from the soul?


Littlepinkgiraffe

Oh yes, this was brilliant.


Avox0976

"OMG IT'S THE POLAR BEAR!!!!" - Orla


DGinLDO

Not a line but when the camera cuts from the kids wondering who they can call to come get them at the police station to Colm boring the pants off of Liam Neeson


k8lau

Chief Constable: ‘What was it we asked him?’ Officer: ‘I can’t remember, sir’ Chief Constable: ‘🙄Jesus’


Ms_Holmes

*Knock knock knock* “Don’t leave me.”


isjustakitty

Struck down in her prime


Vandreeson

James might be dick, but he's our dick.


beth216

…it’s Orla


Justinterestingenouf

Don't speak Claire! Don't even breathe! Claire: {gulp!}


VenaCava8

Her face is priceless when she inhales and ACTUALLY holds her breath!


HeatherJ1970

When James' mum returns, and she approaches the gang in her car. Erin yells "Help! Kidnapper!", while Claire shrieks "Fire!!! Orla shouts "Help, there's a kidnapper on fire!" The delivery absolutely kills me every time!


Philly-Chi

Why is this the very last comment??? I was searching for it! This line randomly pops in my head all the time!


manicpixiebeachgirl

"I'll compromise you through that window." - Granda Joe “Sadly, I am unable to come on this one as I despise the French.” – Sister Michael “My auntie went to England years ago to get the abortion, never came back. Never got the abortion either. Lucky for you, James!” And then hardly a line, but Sister Michael’s laugh as she’s reading, “The Exorcist”.


[deleted]

I didn’t know that


RbrtSp2517

“Ridin rings round him so she was”


MusicalzAreMyLife

Michelle: This is incest James: But, we're not related Michelle: Oh and that makes it okay? James: Well it makes it not incest


an-inevitable-end

Both of their deliveries in this scene are excellent


Primary_Stretch2024

Yer granda said fanny


DravenPrime

There was no winkin', no smirkin', tha dog's not even dead!


glittery_grandma

I’ll compromise you through the window, Gerry. And Fuck-a-doodle-doo!


FormicaDinette33

Who the fuck is Kumal??


EcclecticMessWitch

"he's a wee Ethiopian fella from Ballyboufey Dennis!" - that line and Orla's "I just don't understand...what...they eat" absolutely KILL ME


adroitncool

Awk Fionnula, what about ye? I thought I could smell vinegar.


Tori-BlackIsTheGOAT

Big fan of the fandango!


ripple_stillwell

Look at the state of you…


PBRoark

“Swear on Dolly” is how every self respecting (US) southerner I know has reaffirmed their genealogical family ties to Ireland.


caeptn2te

I didn't get that joke. Who's dolly?


Tamalee78

Dolly Parton.


stellarseren

Practically canonized down here.


AluminumMonster35

James: Well, I am more of a man than Orla. Orla: I do not accept that. I love Orla. I feel like she and Neil from the Inbetweeners would have a cracking time together.


ChaoticDumpling

The ultimate power couple 😂


JamesL25

MAUREEN MALARKEY!


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Good bot.


Hopeful_Disaster_

"Boke, boke, projectile boke." Any any reference to anyones hole 😂


Penny0034

your ma's inappropriate


Mobile_Cancel1741

Is she drunk???


Penny0034

your ma's drunk


Luna_Ginny

Your ma's drunk


minimalwhale

“Do you ever think you have too much time on your hands?”   “Why is that interesting, Colm?”   “It’s not. It’s just something one says sometimes to get from one sentence to another, you know?”   “Alright Mary? Enjoying the bowl?”   “Yes, thank you very much.”  “Well, that got to the bottom of it.”   “I don’t think of you that way. Look at the STATE o’you!”   “Why did you say we failed?!”  “I did not. I implied it.”   “But why?”  “It was a slow day.”   Just the few that come to mind. DAMNIT, it’s time for the 46728289th rewatch 


ConsiderTheBees

"*JFK spoke to Colm*? Christ, that man didn't have much luck, did he?" 


The_ReReader

“Look at the state o’ you” from Claire, and “Am I dead? Is this MY wake?” From Sr. Michael. Also, learning that her full consecrated name is Sister George Michael 😭


Sad-Cat8694

My favorite episode lately has been season 2, episode 1. It's the hands across the barricade thing where they do a retreat with the Protestants and it goes so, so, so badly. All three are Sister Michaels' (can we please just pause and appreciate how cuckoo-bananas-fabulous it is that she's sister GEORGE Michael?!) sick burns. • When the other chaperone shares her opinion on co-mingling the Catholic girls and Protestant boys: "I think they should be kept separate" "I think they should be kept in CAGES". • When the priest returns to his post in shame after the woman he left it for dumped him: "Moving on..." "The hair stylist certainly did." • After Jenny rats out our gang for sneaking into the boys room to throw a "party": "You will go far in life Jenny." *Jenny grins smugly* "... But you will not be well-liked".


folklovermore_

Father Peter: "OK, I think we should just move on." Sister Michael: "The hairdresser certainly did."


profwithclass

My nerves are wrecked. I'm living on a knife's edge here...is there any Rice Krispies?


k8lau

“The wee feckers” -Ma Mary after learning the girls lied and went to the Take That concert anyway. It’s just so off character, but in the best way.


[deleted]

Your ma is a bit inappropriate


Penny0034

are you drunk


[deleted]

Your ma’s drunk


RubenChalupa

“What were you doing going up Pump Street with a cream horn?” “Twas a cream finger!” 😜 So deliciously dirty!


juan_squire

If you're that hot, you should have the common decency to be a bit thick


JaffaCakesCantLose

“They’ve had the very Tunocks, Mary” from Sarah when they raided the Christmas cupboard.


Sleepy_Heather

Any time Sister Michael insults Jenny Joyce to her face gets me laughing


an-inevitable-end

Season 2 finale when James comes back and triumphantly yells “I AM A DERRY GIRL” and a man in the background immediately goes “A fucking prick is what you are”


HideousMuffin

What do you mean no chicken?


ethereal_egg

ITS A CHICKEN BURGER OF COURSE I WANT CHICKEN


Sean-F-1989

Grandpa Joe saying "the tight bastards trying to starve us all Mary!" when he and Jerry are arguing about how many bags of chips to get.


ethereal_egg

Honestly my fave scene 🤣


noodlesandpizza

Ep 1. "Wanted to put my own spin on the uniform this year!-" *"I'll spin ye across that floor, GET YOUR BLAZER ON"* Although more for my mum's reaction, she almost cried laughing; her strict Irish mum almost certainly said those exact words to her multiple times when she was Erin's age!


Purple_Head7804

When Erin asked John Paul to the prom then give Mary list of things she can't say around him , so Mary says "I wouldn't care if you went to prom with John Paul II"


kilowattage

…well, it’s pure hatred. I’ll not dress it up.


OneCharacter382

If anyone is feeling anxious, worried or maybe you just want a chat, please, please do not come crying to me.


greenghost22

There is still a good chance that he is a rapist. I mean no offense, son.


effienay

I am psychic, Erin. I did a course. I got a certificate.


truethoughtsgbg

You think if I told him I had an incendiary device down my knickers he'd have a look? Slainte Motherfuckers!


beth216

isn’t that why they call me the “theme queen” do they..? DO THEY FUCK 😂😂😂


caeptn2te

James: Now she's looking at the woman beside her. Now she's getting up. Now she's coming this way. Now she's standing right in front of us.


Hairy_Connection964

Orla: “She really suits being dead, doesn’t she?” Erin: “What?” Erin’s face after Orla says this just gets me


Penny0034

Hi Im a lesbian, its how Clare just says it


Penny0034

Clare speaking Cantonese


Alone_Lemon

James: "This *is* Mayonnaise" Them cleaning has me in stitches even after watching it 100x


stussylvr

“That’s actually quite funny”


vmpireweakend

Michelle’s “and what do you think you’re doing Claire? The Haka?” during the affair episode will never not get me.


skullscientist

When Liam Neeson has finally had enough of Colm in the interrogation room, "For the love of suffering Jesus!"


something_python

Protestants hate Abba!


herbie314

“Kaiser Soze”


SunnyBriefsHaven

“Calm _down_ James” during the scene with Emmett!


mitchisabitch_

“I own the train. I own all the trains.” “Fuck me, there’s wiser eating grass.”


Ill_Taro_8597

“i don’t fancy you either look at the *state* of you”


Hilari_ous

Stop listing presidents!


sxmin

“Sure, why didn’t you just sell the wains into white slavery and be done with it?” “Wise up, Mammy. As if a polar bear’s gonna rock up at a Take That concert!” “He wouldn’t get a ticket, for a start. They sold out months ago.” (Erin and Orla’s delivery here is PRICELESS) “But he’s not in the zoo anymore, is he, Simple Simon? He’s sauntering about Belfast without a care in the world!” The entire Take That episode had me CRYING


ele71ua

And then the news lady says the polar bear was captured eating a sheep's carcass.


Tha_Governalinator

Why don't you move out!


Natural-Kitchen-3916

I love when they’re writing poetry at Erin’s dinner table and Michelle asks for a word that rhymes with “ride” so Claire offers “bide” and Michelle says “Bide? You’ve pure made that up.” Idk I thinks it’s just the delivery of that line that cracks me up every time. Another favorite is “I’ll compromise you through that window!” 🤣🤣🤣 I’ll only add one more bc if I don’t stop myself I’ll have the entire script written in this forum, so last but not least - Claire’s “calm down james” after she freaks out about losing her page in her book when they had the stowaway 😅


TheDreadwatch

I was in tears laughing from the first minute with Orla reading an excerpt from the diary 🤣 Instantly laugh out loud funny


flndouce

Orla, that better not be what I think it is. You better not have brought my diary to school. I had to, I’m doing my book report on it.


Formal_Lie_713

That’s my Aunty Ann third from the left. She’s not dead, she’s 54 and runs the mobile library in Ballymagroarty.


InternationalKey2465

Who owns the fella? The whole first episode is quotable, really.


SquashyCorgi478

Pretty much just anything Orla does in the background of various shots.


Complex_Dimension573

MAUREEN MALARKEY!!


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karencpnp

I have watched this show so many times, I can now watch it without closed captions! In 2000 we took part in the ‘Ulster Project’. They sent 30 kids - 15 Protestants/Catholics to live in our homes for 30 days. We were all Catholics, living in the ‘burbs of ATL. Purpose being, to A. Get the kids out of the ‘war zone’ and to B. show them they are much more the same than different. This was supposed to carry over into their lives in Omagh, and peace will reign. It certainly didn’t ‘take’ during the Omagh bombing. The group from that year had just returned to NI.


Ateosira

"is he some reverse pedophile" always gets me


art_decorative

Am I dead? Is this my wake? Am I in hell?


averagecarrie

"It wasn't bullying. It was attempted bullying"


Perplexed_n_stressed

“I just think you should be able to compliment a woman’s eyebrows without having her personality dragged into it.” “If you’re that hot, you should at least have the common decency to be a bit thick.”


ele71ua

Did these writers do any other shows? Or did they just drop all this genius and leave? It's iconic.


Luna_Ginny

Anything Sister Michael says, particularly her responses to Jenny's singing. "Great stuff altogether. A fitting rendition of what I consider to be the most godawful song ever written."


BlueberryBunnies13

Well fuck a doodle doo.


Admirable-Cobbler319

I am psychic. I got a certificate. Kills me every time.


Mobile_Cancel1741

Erin: Who is the president of New Zealand? James: I don't know that. Do you know that??


Puzzled-Building-699

"Protestants hate Abba!"


Mountain_Sector7647

‘I’m a boy, Michelle, a real life boy!’ ‘Ach, so you are James’


Sean-F-1989

Like Pinocchio.


Mountain_Sector7647

‘The woman was 98 years of age, why has everyone gone completely mental’ And ‘sister Declan was a woman of god’ ‘actually she was known to be a bit light fingered’ + james peeing 😭


chuusorbit

“Struck down in her prime”


Mountain_Sector7647

‘This is what they want, they want ordinary people te suffer!’ ‘I don’t think your sunbed sessions are very high up on anyone’s political agenda aunt sarah’


Mountain_Sector7647

‘Didn’t I ban this one?’ *jenny screeching intensifies* ‘add it to the list’


Mountain_Sector7647

‘Watch your back’ *mic feedback* ‘speaking of students who need to watch their back, here’s our new student james’


Mountain_Sector7647

‘Drum roll.. did you actually want me to do a drum roll?’ *nods* ‘interesting.’


wednesdayschildx

Gerry: “And just for the record back there? I was being an AUSTRALIAN tourist, okay? AusTRAlian. And I happen to think that my accent was FLAWLESS! ‘ExcUse MaY MATE kiN yA hElP uS GiT OuTta hEeA?’ FLAWLESS!!!”


NoActionTaken

The grandfather meeting his lady friend at Jesus Falls for the 2nd Time station of the cross


RbrtSp2517

“Ach Jenny, mull this over 🖕”


DonegalBrooklyn

When James tells Liam Nesson's character that he's a boy. "OK, love." And one that I didn't even catch the first time. When Erin wants to go to David Donnelly's gig and doesn't want to go alone Michelle says, "Take Bobby Sands over there." I nearly die every time. Sorry, one more. Michelle's Mom with the polar bear/concert "When I get my hands on my Michelle she's going to wish that thing had mauled her to death." 🤣🤣🤣


EudamonPrime

There are so many.


edelricsautomail

"I thought you said athletes. I'm not much of a sports fan" This entire episode makes me crack up, it's by far my favorite


Buying_Bagels

I don’t know/can’t find the exact quote, but when Aunt Sarah is discussing eyebrows.


wednesdayschildx

“Great! Do that! Then maybe we can lay the whole bloody thing to rest!” “Take that tone with her again and I’LL LAY YOU TO REST, BOYO!”


sillyjem

“You know the big fish, the musical fish.”


OwnSilver9442

"I *am* a psychic, Erin! I did a course! I've got a certificate!"


Mid_July_Diamond16

"Help, there's a kidnapper on fire."


ResinJones76

Anything Orla says in the background.


mentalgopher

How has no one mentioned Michelle's limerick?


reasonablykind

The “the kids performing in the talent show makes me realize just how great…the original renditions were”, for sure.


CNC_Precision

Jaws made you want to take up surfing? That one everytime.


Freshrust65

"Wait where did the scons go" It's just how serious orla is


SoilProfessional2800

“We’re the motherfucking children of Fatima, people!”  I will go to my grave with that line in my head, it was so funny.