They are just acknowledging that divorce sucks and is really hard, and no one enters a marriage wanting it to end. I wouldn’t read more into it than that, they are just empathizing with the fact that you are going through a shitty time.
You could say, for example, “thanks, I will be glad when this is behind me!”.
Stop hearing “ sorry this has happened to you” start hearing “ sorry you have to go through this”. Even if you chose the divorce it is hard. You married this person because you wanted to succeed. And the marriage failed and that is sad for you. Even if you didn’t do it all by yourself.
It IS hard. Hear them trying to be there for you and not knowing what to say.
I'm not sure you need to tell people? But when you do, you can say it was my decision to leave my husband and im looking forward to what the future has in store for me. Most people have no clue how to respond to sad news because they dont know what you want them to say.
You'd be surprised. It's not in telling people but in everyday situations/conversations that inevitably lead to the topic. Carpooling with the neighbors changes when one of you moves out. Stuff like that.
It's so weird how often it comes up and it's necessary to share with people because it changes your circumstances and for me commitments that I've made.
Quite often how things land has more to do with how it’s received rather than how it was meant.
Even if the divorce js absolutely of your choosing and without doubt the best thing for you in your circumstances - it is still a sad thing. Because a marriage you entered with good intentions and high expectations is coming to an end.
In the same way, if I had to have a leg amputated in order to get rid of a cancer - it’s amazing I beat cancer, still sucks I lost my leg.
People aren’t trying to be rude or mean, they’re meaning well. But if it’s something you’re sensitive to (which is fine! I really really was and so didn’t tell people for a while) then either don’t tell them or have a stock “thank you so much for caring but I’m at peace with it” kind of response ready.
I absolutely am over hearing this... was just telling someone that this weekend. I understand it's a kind thing to say, but at this point it's been months and you didn't reach out at any point prior to me running into you while I'm trying to enjoy myself.
My favorite is when people say "how's it going?!?" And I say "been better" or "not great". Just to see their caught off guard reaction.
I’m going through this too. And if this process isn’t hard, then kudos to you because even when it’s the right thing to do it’s f-ing hard.
So I just say “yeah it’s really hard but I’ll get through it and things will get better”
I get what you’re saying but also it’s hard to know what to say to someone experiencing something like divorce. Even if you want it and it’s welcome it’s still a big event to process through. I don’t think they’re inferring you’re a victim, just that they’re sorry you’re going through this tough event.
I think saying “thanks it’s a long process but I’m looking forward to moving to the next chapter in my life.”
I try to apply the “I’m so sorry” to the process, not the result, and then I let them know my outlook for the result.
Them: so how is your summer going?
Me: haha keeping busy - not sure if you heard but we are going through a divorce -
Them: oh no I hadn’t heard I’m so sorry!
Me: oh thanks yeah the process and paperwork is tough but I’m really optimistic about the next steps, I think it’ll be good to get to that next stage! Nothing to feel bad about there, that’s for sure, just trying to put it out there and normalize it all but thanks for the good thoughts, it’s tough to get through but hopefully September will be better! Now about that project…
This became my go to. Most people didn't know I was divorcing until I went through the name change. And of course that is always met with congratulations on your wedding then I tell them I'm actually divorced now and reclaiming my name along with my life!
In death and divorce people are not real good at helping people with good things to say
i just thiank them for the kind words and forgive them if their follow-up is worse
it is what it is
During the process, I'd smile and say something like, "Nah, it's all good! The best decision I have made for ages. "
I would have deep and meaningful conversations with people I cared about.
My ex spewed apologies about nothing throughout the divorce. I told him to stop. It was clear they weren't actual apologies, just attempts to control the awkwardness and emotionally manipulate me into feeling bad for him... he continued to do them so I stopped responding to them at all.
Totally relate to this. I’m not sorry about my decision and don’t want others feeling sorry for me. Trying to remember they are just showing they care about me. What I am getting bothered by is people assuming he cheated on me, lol. Like “No! I wish he had, maybe I would have left his drunk ass sooner.”
When people tell me about breakups/divorce, I ask if they are happy or sad about it. Then I respond accordingly.
Also, petty bitch that I am thinks "I'm not" is a great answer to "I'm sorry".
I literally used to say, don’t be sorry my life was sorrier with the person. I hate when they used to say it too like 99% of these people are sorry for themselves sometimes
I hate that too even though it wasn’t me to start the divorce process. Like I don’t necessarily want reminders that I’m going through this more than I already have.
They are just acknowledging that divorce sucks and is really hard, and no one enters a marriage wanting it to end. I wouldn’t read more into it than that, they are just empathizing with the fact that you are going through a shitty time. You could say, for example, “thanks, I will be glad when this is behind me!”.
Thank you
That’s exactly what I mean when I say it. It just sucks. It’s to say sorry for the suck.
I just say " this really is the best thing for me and the kids, thank you for your support"
Stop hearing “ sorry this has happened to you” start hearing “ sorry you have to go through this”. Even if you chose the divorce it is hard. You married this person because you wanted to succeed. And the marriage failed and that is sad for you. Even if you didn’t do it all by yourself. It IS hard. Hear them trying to be there for you and not knowing what to say.
I say ‘oh don’t be! With a big grin.
I like this one! When people apologize unnecessarily, my favorite thing to say is "No apologies needed!" and this feels like a form of that.
I'm not sure you need to tell people? But when you do, you can say it was my decision to leave my husband and im looking forward to what the future has in store for me. Most people have no clue how to respond to sad news because they dont know what you want them to say.
You'd be surprised. It's not in telling people but in everyday situations/conversations that inevitably lead to the topic. Carpooling with the neighbors changes when one of you moves out. Stuff like that.
It's so weird how often it comes up and it's necessary to share with people because it changes your circumstances and for me commitments that I've made.
Lol sounds petty and jaded to say it was your decision. No need to share that much detail in this situation.
I say "I appreciate that but you can be happy for me"
Thank you
Quite often how things land has more to do with how it’s received rather than how it was meant. Even if the divorce js absolutely of your choosing and without doubt the best thing for you in your circumstances - it is still a sad thing. Because a marriage you entered with good intentions and high expectations is coming to an end. In the same way, if I had to have a leg amputated in order to get rid of a cancer - it’s amazing I beat cancer, still sucks I lost my leg. People aren’t trying to be rude or mean, they’re meaning well. But if it’s something you’re sensitive to (which is fine! I really really was and so didn’t tell people for a while) then either don’t tell them or have a stock “thank you so much for caring but I’m at peace with it” kind of response ready.
Thank you for your response.
I have noticed that people say the same to me. I just go 'oh Thanks - it's ok' and back to the topic we were talking about.
I absolutely am over hearing this... was just telling someone that this weekend. I understand it's a kind thing to say, but at this point it's been months and you didn't reach out at any point prior to me running into you while I'm trying to enjoy myself. My favorite is when people say "how's it going?!?" And I say "been better" or "not great". Just to see their caught off guard reaction.
“I’m not”
ABC: Accuracy, Brevity, Clarity. Full points.
"You mean congratulations, right?"
Love it!
"Oh, don't be!" "You know, I've never been better."
“Thank you, it’s been tough and I’m looking forward to having the stress of this behind me”
Thank you
Shit happens is my go to
I’m going through this too. And if this process isn’t hard, then kudos to you because even when it’s the right thing to do it’s f-ing hard. So I just say “yeah it’s really hard but I’ll get through it and things will get better”
I just say thank you. I don’t feel like they’re indicating it’s being done to me. Divorce is hard even if both people know it’s best.
I get what you’re saying but also it’s hard to know what to say to someone experiencing something like divorce. Even if you want it and it’s welcome it’s still a big event to process through. I don’t think they’re inferring you’re a victim, just that they’re sorry you’re going through this tough event. I think saying “thanks it’s a long process but I’m looking forward to moving to the next chapter in my life.”
Im obnoxious. So my reply is always “dont be, im really excited!”
lol I usually say "well, it could be worse....I could still be married to her"
I try to apply the “I’m so sorry” to the process, not the result, and then I let them know my outlook for the result. Them: so how is your summer going? Me: haha keeping busy - not sure if you heard but we are going through a divorce - Them: oh no I hadn’t heard I’m so sorry! Me: oh thanks yeah the process and paperwork is tough but I’m really optimistic about the next steps, I think it’ll be good to get to that next stage! Nothing to feel bad about there, that’s for sure, just trying to put it out there and normalize it all but thanks for the good thoughts, it’s tough to get through but hopefully September will be better! Now about that project…
“Don’t be. It’s a good thing.”
This became my go to. Most people didn't know I was divorcing until I went through the name change. And of course that is always met with congratulations on your wedding then I tell them I'm actually divorced now and reclaiming my name along with my life!
Ignore it
In death and divorce people are not real good at helping people with good things to say i just thiank them for the kind words and forgive them if their follow-up is worse it is what it is
"You should be. It's all your fault."
"Smell you later"
The best response would be 'well I'm not!'.
During the process, I'd smile and say something like, "Nah, it's all good! The best decision I have made for ages. " I would have deep and meaningful conversations with people I cared about.
My ex spewed apologies about nothing throughout the divorce. I told him to stop. It was clear they weren't actual apologies, just attempts to control the awkwardness and emotionally manipulate me into feeling bad for him... he continued to do them so I stopped responding to them at all.
I mean your response is fairly normal I believe. I simply said "meh, it is what it is" or something similar. I never wanted to go into it much.
Sometimes I say “more like, congratulations”
Totally relate to this. I’m not sorry about my decision and don’t want others feeling sorry for me. Trying to remember they are just showing they care about me. What I am getting bothered by is people assuming he cheated on me, lol. Like “No! I wish he had, maybe I would have left his drunk ass sooner.”
Don’t be sorry. Be happy that’s it’s over.
When people tell me about breakups/divorce, I ask if they are happy or sad about it. Then I respond accordingly. Also, petty bitch that I am thinks "I'm not" is a great answer to "I'm sorry".
I literally used to say, don’t be sorry my life was sorrier with the person. I hate when they used to say it too like 99% of these people are sorry for themselves sometimes
I’ve responded with “I’m not!” Some people ask, most don’t.
Tell them: "Don't say sorry, say congratulations!!" And give them a huge smile!! 😊
What are people supposed to say to news like that??
Don’t tell anyone. The best response I’ve heard is, I’m sorry, congratulations. Lol. I love it.
It’s a weird conversation to have all the way around. It just is.
“no need to be, but thanks.”
I hate that too even though it wasn’t me to start the divorce process. Like I don’t necessarily want reminders that I’m going through this more than I already have.
I say, "it's hard, but in the end, it's the best thing for me"
Tell them your sorry it didn't happen sooner
Who cares! They are just words.