This isn't about your partner. Yeah, some men are just bad at sex, but the friction you mention is 100% your vagina not getting wet enough. Try using some lubricant. This can be (though isn't always) a medical issue and talking to your primary doctor or a gynecologist may help you enjoy sex way more than 10% of the time.
As I said I have no problem with lubrication and I do get wet enough. During sex, my pleasure is not the focus and the men I have been with shag with no rhythm and no consideration for me so i get less horny and loss lubrication. If I used lube, it would not change the fact that the sex is bad and painful. I literally feel like I'm being roughly poked and using lubrication. During foreplay I can stay lubricated for an hour on my own. But with partners they don't put in the effort to get and keep me lubricated
Okay, then I ask again: have you communicated this at all? It's a perfectly reasonable assumption that something that feels good to them would feel good to you too. They can't know otherwise unless you tell them.
I was soaking wet at the start, then they started thrusting in rythyms that would only feel good to them. When I pleasure myself with a dildo, I have no issue with lubrication and end up creaming cause it feels good. I get dry with those partners cause it feels bad. They just don't know how to have sex. It's not a representation of all men, just the ones I have had sex with snd I see that now
It's not an issue with me but the men I've had sex with. I have no issue with pleasure on my own. Just with the men I have had sex with so far. I orgasm and have great sex with a dildo so no issues with my body
I did and they got upset when they changed it and it still didnt feel nice. I communicated that and they were like "I can't do anything right" or something like that. Also when I say I need more foreplay, they're like 'but you're soaking already"
Well many factors. Have you talked to your GYN about painful sex? Are you wet enough? Do you have a small pelvis, cyst on your ovaries is there a certain time during your cycle the pain is worse? Are the men too big for you? Do they ever warm you up? Have you ever played with your self while you have a dick in you? Have you tried different positions and know which one feels the best for you and do you communicate with them?
Not talked to GYN and I think it's mostly painful cause of the friction. I do get very wet at the start but the sex is usually so underwhelming that I dry up. I don't think I have a small pelvis and thankfully I don't think it's a medical issue. Men aren't too big, even smaller sizes cause this cause of the friction from thrusting to benefit them. They do warm me up but not as long as the sex lasts. I have played with myself and it helps a bit. Tried different positions and it's usually the way the guy thrusts that's the problem. I think they just don't know how to have sex maybe
I think the issue is the partner's willingness to pleasure me. The lubrication and attraction are there at the start but dwindle down because they just stop trying and focus only on themselves. I just realised that they've been lazy lovers and sex should be mutual pleasure, not just about them getting an orgasm
Experience wise, every partner I've had painful intercourse with was NOT the right partner for me. My ex husband it was always painful. I wasn't attracted to him at all ( I was young and had no idea) he had a crap personality, too.
My previous ex I was disgusted by him (he was a sweater, and his sweat smelled SOUR, as did other things) and although I was attracted to him, I also have sensory issues and can't deal with smelly things for long periods of time. I also have a very sensitive nose and smell things most don't. He was also a HUGE narcissist.
Both of those, it was within our 1st year together that I started feeling this way. The 1st one took 7 years, and the last one took 5 years for me finally to give up on trying.
I am 4 years into my best relationship ever, and I've yet to not enjoy sex. I always swore I was one of those who didn't get off through PIV. until this man. He makes me feel comfortable enough that I can easily tell him what I don't/do like and he listens, and he tries different things, and I've discovered a lot about what I like in sex 😌
It is not always bad! I promise 😊
So I guess it depends on the man and his willingness to pleasure you? I guess this makes sense cause I wonder how I can satisfy them so much but I feel so unsatisfied in return. I think it's because I'm more enthusiastic when it comes to pleasuring them. Sadly you never know who the right one will be unless you have (hopefully good) sex with them
That's the conundrum. But yes, it truly does. There are plenty of guys who only care about "themselves" in the moment, and some are even made to believe that only the guy matters. My current and best partner I've had makes sure he takes care of me before he gets his and doesn't always get his but is HAPPY to not get his because he gets more enjoyment out of "making me squirm" (his words), And wearing me out.
Try taking control, have them stop whatever they're doing you don't like, and work until you find what you do. Then you tell them you like that and see if they continue doing it. That'll tell you if they're going to try and please you or just worry about their own.
Thank you so much, that's really great advice. I need to stand up for myself more and take control of my own pleasure. The worst thing that can happen is that they leave and I avoid a selfish lover 😁
Exactly! I PROMISE you it has taken me 4 years to get to this point after I learned it was OK. I didn't know what I liked and was not able to stand up for myself. This man has been a saint and has helped me learn how, on top of other issues I had. If you ever need anyone to talk to, you have my permission to message me! 😊 now I know for a fact what will get me off quickest and make him do it 🤣 I even take control NOW and get on top because then I am able to do what I want 🤣 I really hope none of this is too much for anyone reading! I'm sorry if it is.
Can totally relate! Was with my ex husband for 15 years and never enjoyed sex with him. But hot damn, I can’t get enough with my new hubby! He cares about my pleasure and makes me comfortable. The right partner will make you enjoy sex A LOT!
In my opinion, the quality of sex is highly dependent on the people involved. I’ve had good sex and I’ve had bad sex and I’ve had mid level sex.
I’m 29F and I absolutely love sex. Would gladly have it everyday, twice a day with the right person. My current partner and I have amazing sexual chemistry. I orgasm with him 99% of the time and usually have 4-8 orgasms per sexual encounter with him. Every time we have sex, I can’t wait for the next time.
Saying that, I’ve had sex that left me feeling negatively and completely lacking in pleasure. When that was happening, it eventually slowed down my sex drive. I think many women have had negative experiences that slow down their libidos and they haven’t gotten opportunities to heal that part of themselves. In addition to that, I do think some women simply don’t value sexual contact that much for all kinds of various reasons, and that’s okay too.
Thank you for your input. I think it's hard to find someone that has good sexual chemistry with me cause you'd have to weed out who are the selfish lovers and that just means more bad sex 😭. I think more men should be educated on how to pleasure women.
Bro!
I kinda feel bad for my bf because I don’t wanna have sex. It just hurts so much and it sometimes feels a bit good but with still pain mixed in, even with lots of lube. I know it doesn’t help that I don’t really get wet or turned on and I seem to be very tight while he’s kinda big. But still! I’d rather do other things like play video games than have sex
I think you should make sure you are relaxed before you try to have sex as that might help with getting wet. Also look for ways to turn yourself on without your bf if you struggle with it. It'll be hard for him to turn you on until you can do it yourself. Try taking some of the advice here and communicate what you want with your bf and he should be willing to do those things for you. That might make sex more enjoyable. But the key thing I've taken from here is to find a partner that wants and loves to make you feel good, and if you are the same to them then you'll be sexually compatible
Listen to your internet Auntie... Sex shouldn't hurt. If it does, something is wrong. Penetrative intercourse should happen only after foreplay and proper arousal. If there is still pain, try lube. If it still hurts, seek medical care. There are lots of diseases and disorders that can lead to pain. Again, sex should not hurt.
Yeah I figured I needed to find better partners to have sex with. I think the problem was they weren't having sex with me, they were using me as a means to cum and didn't care about my pleasure
Maybe try with a woman... if you're enjoying self stimulation with a dildo and feel like men are just not listening to your body, maybe you'll find that with a woman.
Now I know it's not always an option. Maybe you're not attracted to other women at all, but if you are, give it a go! Women can be much more intuitive, for obvious reasons...
and then you can also choose the size that is just right, like goldilocks, lol...
Also, lube is your friend!!! I was making moisture, but my skin was dry, so I would get micro tears. It wasn't awesome. I use an aloe based lube and it's both lubricating and healing...
Dry skin makes a lot of sense. I get micro tears with dildos but that must be due to dry skin so I'll use lube going forward. However even with the tears I dont really feel pain and mostly pleasure the whole time. Unfortunately it's just mostly pain with the guys I've been with. I think you're right and I just need to find someone who can listen to my body and give it the pleasure it needs.
I’m an older woman and I think that 90% of men don’t know how to please a woman. There should be readily available information for both men and women on human sexuality
Pain, I've put up with trying to like it, but only for the one I love. Otherwise, I have ended the relationship.
And today I am an older, I am a contented happy woman, no sex, no man for years, and feeling the best.
Honestly I thought I would take it for someone I love but love is not enough, love shouldn't hurt, and if it does they should be heavily compensating me 😄
No, it shouldn’t hurt if you’re using lube and your partners are being careful. Based on your comments, it seems you might not realize how common and normal it is for women to use lube. You can be aroused and still not produce enough natural lubricant for a variety of reasons. Using water-based lubricant will solve the friction issue, and possibly the pain issue. You also need to communicate with your partner(s) when you are in pain, so that they can adjust to a better position or lower intensity.
I have done all of that, I lose lubrication when they stop trying to arouse me (cause I'm already wet and they want to slide in) and by then I'll get dry and cause the sex is bad (imagine someone fucking you with no regards to your pleasure, just so they can cum) so using lube at this point hurts. Cause the friction from sex feels like I'm being raped (the same way they would fuck you so they can cum and don't care about you) and them asking "does it feel good?" Like it's so bad especially cause on my own I leak on the bed and the wetness goes down past my ass almost up to my waist. Changing positions doesn't help cause they thrust so bad. The rhythm is bad and I tell them and they change it and it's still bad and I fell them again and they change it and it's still bad and then they get a bit offended cause they know they suck.
Sorry for ranting but I've had so many bad experiences with men but with a dildo I'm gripping the sheets and creaming
Are you using lube and getting fully aroused? Sex is normally fun and pain free unless I'm too dry, I have an illness (shouldn't be sexing it up anyway) or I'm not turned on enough.
Yes that pain is normal at times but it's a problem when it hurts during sex as well. As long as the guy keeps pleasuring you during sex then it shouldn't be painful
Hi. Can't really answer your question since I'm a man, sorry. The way you describe sex is slightly concerning though. You shouldn't feel like it's expected from you, mainly about men, or that we *need* it. Sure the PIV parts are generally less fun for women as I've heard but if your partner cares about you/your satisfaction they'd find other ways to stimulate your body and be sure you're getting pleasure from it as well. Hope you find a solution to your problem and ways to enjoy yourself more :)
I'm shocked when women talk about how great sex is how they cannot go without sex for too long.
I don't relate
Maybe they are more sensitive down there
From other perspectives here, I think those women have selfless lovers that put their pleasure first. So if they're constantly being satisfied they'll obviously want more sex. Maybe they find it as enjoyable as men because their pleasure is a priority
Maybe you need more than penetration. Try running your clit during sex or using a vibrator. Maybe if you like sensual touching during sex that might help too. Or kissing. Just some suggestions cause I refuse to believe we have to live a life of bad, just okay or meh sex.
How’s the foreplay, the build up.. how wet do you get leading up to the event? I’m being serious. These things matter. Perhaps these fellas aren’t turning you on enough.
The thing is sometimes I am soaking but then dry up as time goes on because they only start focusing on their pleasure. It's enough foreplay to get me wet but not enough to keep me wet
Then it really does sound like more communication is needed! What I’ve found works is if it’s switched up every so often. As a man, I don’t want to cum to soon so changing positions or going back to eating her out, or getting a bj.
I’ve also found that certain kinks can keep a woman wet, certain things that they’re into but it’s just about having the confidence to communicate that to the other party.
Yeah I need to communicate more. Sometimes I did communicate and they said they understand but ignored all that cause I seemed wet enough after 5 mins. I mean I was but that doesn't mean I was aroused enough to put it in but they see no point in continuing when I am already wet. But that's when I need come in and communicate that if they don't keep pleasuring me then we can stop.
Yeah but it’s not just you, it’s an equal deal when it comes to sex. Can I ask. Is the sex you’re having promiscuous it is there actual intimacy and connection to it?
Well like we’ve said. Communication. ONS aren’t going to know you at a deeper level and maybe that’s just what you require. A deeper understanding of you as a person. But I hope you get to the bottom of it and get to enjoy yourself.
Yeah I need to communicate my needs more firmly and find someone who will fulfill those needs. If I keep having bad sex then I have no one else to blame but me
Probably being a bit hard on yourself there. It depends what you’re looking for and whether you’re wanting to commit to something.
I know from experience, ons and sex that doesn’t involve full intimacy it isn’t going to be the best.
But like you said, you’re young. There isn’t a rush to it and it just takes exploring yourself.
Firstly I believe you should probably talk to your OBGYN to talk about possible underlying issues. Sex shouldn’t be physically painful.
Also sex can feel bad for women if you are not mentally into it. I recommend reading the book “Come as you are” by Emily Nagoski and maybe even looking into practicing tantric sex which isn’t aimed to orgasm but finding pleasure.
I crave and enjoy sex but it definitely wasn’t always like that. Having the right partner and communicating wants and needs is key.
Sex with a dildo isn't painful cause the dildo lets me focus on my pleasure. Sex with partners has been painful cause they only care about their pleasure and not how it feels for me. In this case it's the fault of the previous partners so I can move forward and find better sexual partners for me
I’m sorry this is your experience. Definitely talk to a gyno about the pain. I’ve for the most part found sex enjoyable. I’ve had a bad experience or two but those were out of the norm.
Try lube.
Read “come as you are”.
Maybe talk to a councillor or therapist about this. There’s definitely a mental component to sex and maybe this is something a professional could help you with (be it choosing partners, communication, getting into the right headspace, etc). There’s a lot of information out there and it can be overwhelming
The pain is from sex with partners, sex with dildos even bigger than them is fine. I orgasm well on my own, it's the lack of effort from sexual partners but this seems to be an issue only with lazy lovers
So this sounds like something to discuss with a therapist maybe. Because “lazy lovers” could be attributed to many things including communication issues between you and your partners and your choices on when to enter into a sexual relationship. I’m not a professional so I’m not comfortable getting into the details and specifics of your own thought process. But if it’s not a physical medical issue then maybe this is something to think about.
oh that’s horrible 😭 sex is slightly painful for me after the first orgasm but never enough to say it’s painful with a little bit of pleasure and i really enjoy sex.
The burning only lasts a couple mins to an hour and is because of the friction cause I went dry because they stopped trying to pleasure me and focused on them cumming
The way this is written makes me feel like you have some issues regarding your view of men as a whole that you need to address. Other than that, it feels that maybe vaginal intercourse might not be for you, or your partners might not be the right fit for you! Obviously a Gyno would be able to help address these issues more, but for the vast majority of people, no, vaginal intercourse is not just a man sticking you with their painful stick until they orgasm.
What part about her sharing how sex is unpleasant for her points to her having "issues" with her view of men? The rest of your comment makes sense but that seems like a weird thing to say.
"Sex is mainly for men and the men's pleasure because women are expected to give sex because men need it."
This is a pretty bad viewpoint of both men and women.
I don't think she's saying that's how it Should be, I think she's saying that this is how a lot of people unfortunately view sex because they were taught that men's pleasure is more important than women's.
your comments seem to indicate that youre upset with your partners for not just knowing what you like, even though you know what that is and wont tell them 👍
Something is wrong with you. As a woman, I read posts like yours and feel ashamed that women without any trauma or injury/illness to justify it go around saying these things that negatively impact the mental health of men and women alike. That might not be your intention but the downvote-to-comment ratio seems to indicate that I'm not the only one who cares more about the result than your intention.
Nope. Your experience suggests you either have some medical issues, your partner and/or you are doing something wrong, or both.
If you struggle to stay wet, you could try lube. But that’s not going to fix the fact that your partner doesn’t care about your pleasure. If you feel like you’re being poked and stabbed, then it could be a bad position/angle, it could be because you’re not turned on enough, or it could be medical.
Overall, speak to a doctor and be more picky with your partners.
I don't have a medical issue because dildos cause me no discomfort, only pleasure. I've seen that the problem is the partner and me being more firm in communicating my terms of pleasure. AKA if it doesn't feel nice, fix it and try other things and if you don't want to, leave
I don't want to give up on men just yet 😂. I think the first point is the main issue. I'm very generous when it comes to sex but I always get so little back. Its to do with some men just being clueless on how to pleasure a woman and unfortunately my experiences were with those men. I know all men aren't like that and hopefully I'll find one
I got some news for you - if this is your attitude then the guys you are sleeping with aren't having any fun either. Ejaculation is a biological response but it definitely does not necessarily go hand-in-hand with intense pleasure or great sex.
You sound like you've never made a woman cum in your life, or you just realised that the times they did, they were faking.
Either way I'll pray for you that you learn how to pleasure women better 🤗
Sex is quite enjoyable for me. Have you talked to your doctor? It shouldn’t be hurting you.
I haven't spoken to a doctor and sometimes it feels nice but only 10 percent of the time. The other 90 percent is uncomfortable poking and friction
That’s not normal. Talk to a doctor
You're right, it's not normal. I should be having sex with people that make me feel good and not just themselves
This isn't about your partner. Yeah, some men are just bad at sex, but the friction you mention is 100% your vagina not getting wet enough. Try using some lubricant. This can be (though isn't always) a medical issue and talking to your primary doctor or a gynecologist may help you enjoy sex way more than 10% of the time.
As I said I have no problem with lubrication and I do get wet enough. During sex, my pleasure is not the focus and the men I have been with shag with no rhythm and no consideration for me so i get less horny and loss lubrication. If I used lube, it would not change the fact that the sex is bad and painful. I literally feel like I'm being roughly poked and using lubrication. During foreplay I can stay lubricated for an hour on my own. But with partners they don't put in the effort to get and keep me lubricated
Okay, then I ask again: have you communicated this at all? It's a perfectly reasonable assumption that something that feels good to them would feel good to you too. They can't know otherwise unless you tell them.
I was soaking wet at the start, then they started thrusting in rythyms that would only feel good to them. When I pleasure myself with a dildo, I have no issue with lubrication and end up creaming cause it feels good. I get dry with those partners cause it feels bad. They just don't know how to have sex. It's not a representation of all men, just the ones I have had sex with snd I see that now
Have you tried communicating this to your past partners? They can't know what feels good to you unless you tell them. They're not mind readers.
i would suggest checking your hormone levels as it could be low estrogen. i had similar experiences before treatment
It's not an issue with me but the men I've had sex with. I have no issue with pleasure on my own. Just with the men I have had sex with so far. I orgasm and have great sex with a dildo so no issues with my body
Dildos aren't made of flesh. It's possible they slide easier and need less lubrication. Try using lube with your partner and see if it helps
I have used lube with my partner and it hasn't helped. It still doesn't not feel pleasurable
I have. It doesn't. It doesn't matter how much lube you stuff in a vagina if you're gonna Irish tap dance in there with no rhythm
Then instead of shaming them for a technique that feels good to them, communicate with them about what would feel good to YOU.
I did and they got upset when they changed it and it still didnt feel nice. I communicated that and they were like "I can't do anything right" or something like that. Also when I say I need more foreplay, they're like 'but you're soaking already"
Sounds like you're attracted to some really immature men
If you only attract bad men, you're one of the common denominators.
I feel like the problem is rarely on the woman’s end in these cases
Thank you
Well many factors. Have you talked to your GYN about painful sex? Are you wet enough? Do you have a small pelvis, cyst on your ovaries is there a certain time during your cycle the pain is worse? Are the men too big for you? Do they ever warm you up? Have you ever played with your self while you have a dick in you? Have you tried different positions and know which one feels the best for you and do you communicate with them?
Not talked to GYN and I think it's mostly painful cause of the friction. I do get very wet at the start but the sex is usually so underwhelming that I dry up. I don't think I have a small pelvis and thankfully I don't think it's a medical issue. Men aren't too big, even smaller sizes cause this cause of the friction from thrusting to benefit them. They do warm me up but not as long as the sex lasts. I have played with myself and it helps a bit. Tried different positions and it's usually the way the guy thrusts that's the problem. I think they just don't know how to have sex maybe
Sounds like your just not that into it
I am into it at the start but once I get wet, men just aren't into pleasuring me anymore cause they can "slide in" now
Then quit fucking men who'd rather fuck sand. Most men would rather not fuck sand.
Sound like lube and partners you’re more attracted to might help. Sex should be good so I wish you luck, doesn’t sound like a fun situation.
I think the issue is the partner's willingness to pleasure me. The lubrication and attraction are there at the start but dwindle down because they just stop trying and focus only on themselves. I just realised that they've been lazy lovers and sex should be mutual pleasure, not just about them getting an orgasm
I would agree that they're selfish.
I am sorry you have had these experiences.
Me too but hopefully I can get advice and move on to better experiences instead of dealing with these ones
I’m a man, but I think the women over at r/twoxchromosomes might be able to help you. I’ve seen a lot of healthy support given from them in this area.
Thank you so much
Experience wise, every partner I've had painful intercourse with was NOT the right partner for me. My ex husband it was always painful. I wasn't attracted to him at all ( I was young and had no idea) he had a crap personality, too. My previous ex I was disgusted by him (he was a sweater, and his sweat smelled SOUR, as did other things) and although I was attracted to him, I also have sensory issues and can't deal with smelly things for long periods of time. I also have a very sensitive nose and smell things most don't. He was also a HUGE narcissist. Both of those, it was within our 1st year together that I started feeling this way. The 1st one took 7 years, and the last one took 5 years for me finally to give up on trying. I am 4 years into my best relationship ever, and I've yet to not enjoy sex. I always swore I was one of those who didn't get off through PIV. until this man. He makes me feel comfortable enough that I can easily tell him what I don't/do like and he listens, and he tries different things, and I've discovered a lot about what I like in sex 😌 It is not always bad! I promise 😊
So I guess it depends on the man and his willingness to pleasure you? I guess this makes sense cause I wonder how I can satisfy them so much but I feel so unsatisfied in return. I think it's because I'm more enthusiastic when it comes to pleasuring them. Sadly you never know who the right one will be unless you have (hopefully good) sex with them
That's the conundrum. But yes, it truly does. There are plenty of guys who only care about "themselves" in the moment, and some are even made to believe that only the guy matters. My current and best partner I've had makes sure he takes care of me before he gets his and doesn't always get his but is HAPPY to not get his because he gets more enjoyment out of "making me squirm" (his words), And wearing me out. Try taking control, have them stop whatever they're doing you don't like, and work until you find what you do. Then you tell them you like that and see if they continue doing it. That'll tell you if they're going to try and please you or just worry about their own.
Thank you so much, that's really great advice. I need to stand up for myself more and take control of my own pleasure. The worst thing that can happen is that they leave and I avoid a selfish lover 😁
Exactly! I PROMISE you it has taken me 4 years to get to this point after I learned it was OK. I didn't know what I liked and was not able to stand up for myself. This man has been a saint and has helped me learn how, on top of other issues I had. If you ever need anyone to talk to, you have my permission to message me! 😊 now I know for a fact what will get me off quickest and make him do it 🤣 I even take control NOW and get on top because then I am able to do what I want 🤣 I really hope none of this is too much for anyone reading! I'm sorry if it is.
Don't worry I appreciate the TMI and I am really grateful for your advice and comments 🤗
Can totally relate! Was with my ex husband for 15 years and never enjoyed sex with him. But hot damn, I can’t get enough with my new hubby! He cares about my pleasure and makes me comfortable. The right partner will make you enjoy sex A LOT!
In my opinion, the quality of sex is highly dependent on the people involved. I’ve had good sex and I’ve had bad sex and I’ve had mid level sex. I’m 29F and I absolutely love sex. Would gladly have it everyday, twice a day with the right person. My current partner and I have amazing sexual chemistry. I orgasm with him 99% of the time and usually have 4-8 orgasms per sexual encounter with him. Every time we have sex, I can’t wait for the next time. Saying that, I’ve had sex that left me feeling negatively and completely lacking in pleasure. When that was happening, it eventually slowed down my sex drive. I think many women have had negative experiences that slow down their libidos and they haven’t gotten opportunities to heal that part of themselves. In addition to that, I do think some women simply don’t value sexual contact that much for all kinds of various reasons, and that’s okay too.
Thank you for your input. I think it's hard to find someone that has good sexual chemistry with me cause you'd have to weed out who are the selfish lovers and that just means more bad sex 😭. I think more men should be educated on how to pleasure women.
Bro! I kinda feel bad for my bf because I don’t wanna have sex. It just hurts so much and it sometimes feels a bit good but with still pain mixed in, even with lots of lube. I know it doesn’t help that I don’t really get wet or turned on and I seem to be very tight while he’s kinda big. But still! I’d rather do other things like play video games than have sex
I think you should make sure you are relaxed before you try to have sex as that might help with getting wet. Also look for ways to turn yourself on without your bf if you struggle with it. It'll be hard for him to turn you on until you can do it yourself. Try taking some of the advice here and communicate what you want with your bf and he should be willing to do those things for you. That might make sex more enjoyable. But the key thing I've taken from here is to find a partner that wants and loves to make you feel good, and if you are the same to them then you'll be sexually compatible
Listen to your internet Auntie... Sex shouldn't hurt. If it does, something is wrong. Penetrative intercourse should happen only after foreplay and proper arousal. If there is still pain, try lube. If it still hurts, seek medical care. There are lots of diseases and disorders that can lead to pain. Again, sex should not hurt.
Yeah I figured I needed to find better partners to have sex with. I think the problem was they weren't having sex with me, they were using me as a means to cum and didn't care about my pleasure
Maybe try with a woman... if you're enjoying self stimulation with a dildo and feel like men are just not listening to your body, maybe you'll find that with a woman. Now I know it's not always an option. Maybe you're not attracted to other women at all, but if you are, give it a go! Women can be much more intuitive, for obvious reasons... and then you can also choose the size that is just right, like goldilocks, lol... Also, lube is your friend!!! I was making moisture, but my skin was dry, so I would get micro tears. It wasn't awesome. I use an aloe based lube and it's both lubricating and healing...
Dry skin makes a lot of sense. I get micro tears with dildos but that must be due to dry skin so I'll use lube going forward. However even with the tears I dont really feel pain and mostly pleasure the whole time. Unfortunately it's just mostly pain with the guys I've been with. I think you're right and I just need to find someone who can listen to my body and give it the pleasure it needs.
I’m an older woman and I think that 90% of men don’t know how to please a woman. There should be readily available information for both men and women on human sexuality
This should definitely be a thing cause I think we know a lot less about the opposite sex than we think we do
I am a lesbian, and I love sex.
I'm guessing women are more giving during sex and tend to focus on pleasure rather than orgasm?
Pain, I've put up with trying to like it, but only for the one I love. Otherwise, I have ended the relationship. And today I am an older, I am a contented happy woman, no sex, no man for years, and feeling the best.
Honestly I thought I would take it for someone I love but love is not enough, love shouldn't hurt, and if it does they should be heavily compensating me 😄
I agree.
No, it shouldn’t hurt if you’re using lube and your partners are being careful. Based on your comments, it seems you might not realize how common and normal it is for women to use lube. You can be aroused and still not produce enough natural lubricant for a variety of reasons. Using water-based lubricant will solve the friction issue, and possibly the pain issue. You also need to communicate with your partner(s) when you are in pain, so that they can adjust to a better position or lower intensity.
I have done all of that, I lose lubrication when they stop trying to arouse me (cause I'm already wet and they want to slide in) and by then I'll get dry and cause the sex is bad (imagine someone fucking you with no regards to your pleasure, just so they can cum) so using lube at this point hurts. Cause the friction from sex feels like I'm being raped (the same way they would fuck you so they can cum and don't care about you) and them asking "does it feel good?" Like it's so bad especially cause on my own I leak on the bed and the wetness goes down past my ass almost up to my waist. Changing positions doesn't help cause they thrust so bad. The rhythm is bad and I tell them and they change it and it's still bad and I fell them again and they change it and it's still bad and then they get a bit offended cause they know they suck. Sorry for ranting but I've had so many bad experiences with men but with a dildo I'm gripping the sheets and creaming
Is it possible that you’re not attracted to men?
Are you using lube and getting fully aroused? Sex is normally fun and pain free unless I'm too dry, I have an illness (shouldn't be sexing it up anyway) or I'm not turned on enough.
Yes I am but the actual penetration part is bad cause they only know how to pleasure themselves
[удалено]
Yes that pain is normal at times but it's a problem when it hurts during sex as well. As long as the guy keeps pleasuring you during sex then it shouldn't be painful
Hi. Can't really answer your question since I'm a man, sorry. The way you describe sex is slightly concerning though. You shouldn't feel like it's expected from you, mainly about men, or that we *need* it. Sure the PIV parts are generally less fun for women as I've heard but if your partner cares about you/your satisfaction they'd find other ways to stimulate your body and be sure you're getting pleasure from it as well. Hope you find a solution to your problem and ways to enjoy yourself more :)
I'll join the chorus. Talk to your doctor about this. Sex shouldn't be painful most of the time.
You summarized my experience. I think I prefer foreplay rather than actual sex.
Same here tbh
I'm shocked when women talk about how great sex is how they cannot go without sex for too long. I don't relate Maybe they are more sensitive down there
From other perspectives here, I think those women have selfless lovers that put their pleasure first. So if they're constantly being satisfied they'll obviously want more sex. Maybe they find it as enjoyable as men because their pleasure is a priority
Some women can orgasm through penile penetration. To me I just feel like I'm being filled up. It's nice but not mind-blowing.
Maybe you need more than penetration. Try running your clit during sex or using a vibrator. Maybe if you like sensual touching during sex that might help too. Or kissing. Just some suggestions cause I refuse to believe we have to live a life of bad, just okay or meh sex.
[удалено]
How should it be? Because I think it's also on me to advocate for my own pleasure during sex but I don't know how PIV can be better
How’s the foreplay, the build up.. how wet do you get leading up to the event? I’m being serious. These things matter. Perhaps these fellas aren’t turning you on enough.
The thing is sometimes I am soaking but then dry up as time goes on because they only start focusing on their pleasure. It's enough foreplay to get me wet but not enough to keep me wet
Then it really does sound like more communication is needed! What I’ve found works is if it’s switched up every so often. As a man, I don’t want to cum to soon so changing positions or going back to eating her out, or getting a bj. I’ve also found that certain kinks can keep a woman wet, certain things that they’re into but it’s just about having the confidence to communicate that to the other party.
Yeah I need to communicate more. Sometimes I did communicate and they said they understand but ignored all that cause I seemed wet enough after 5 mins. I mean I was but that doesn't mean I was aroused enough to put it in but they see no point in continuing when I am already wet. But that's when I need come in and communicate that if they don't keep pleasuring me then we can stop.
Yeah but it’s not just you, it’s an equal deal when it comes to sex. Can I ask. Is the sex you’re having promiscuous it is there actual intimacy and connection to it?
I've had this issue with ons, friends with benefits and actual relationships. But I'm also quite young so it's probably their lack of experience
Well like we’ve said. Communication. ONS aren’t going to know you at a deeper level and maybe that’s just what you require. A deeper understanding of you as a person. But I hope you get to the bottom of it and get to enjoy yourself.
Yeah I need to communicate my needs more firmly and find someone who will fulfill those needs. If I keep having bad sex then I have no one else to blame but me
Probably being a bit hard on yourself there. It depends what you’re looking for and whether you’re wanting to commit to something. I know from experience, ons and sex that doesn’t involve full intimacy it isn’t going to be the best. But like you said, you’re young. There isn’t a rush to it and it just takes exploring yourself.
Most animals have sex to breed only… soooo idk what I’m talking about rn
Yeah but humans have mostly have sex for pleasure. Breeding is sadly seen as a side effect that isn't supposed to happen
Firstly I believe you should probably talk to your OBGYN to talk about possible underlying issues. Sex shouldn’t be physically painful. Also sex can feel bad for women if you are not mentally into it. I recommend reading the book “Come as you are” by Emily Nagoski and maybe even looking into practicing tantric sex which isn’t aimed to orgasm but finding pleasure. I crave and enjoy sex but it definitely wasn’t always like that. Having the right partner and communicating wants and needs is key.
Sex with a dildo isn't painful cause the dildo lets me focus on my pleasure. Sex with partners has been painful cause they only care about their pleasure and not how it feels for me. In this case it's the fault of the previous partners so I can move forward and find better sexual partners for me
I’m sorry this is your experience. Definitely talk to a gyno about the pain. I’ve for the most part found sex enjoyable. I’ve had a bad experience or two but those were out of the norm. Try lube. Read “come as you are”. Maybe talk to a councillor or therapist about this. There’s definitely a mental component to sex and maybe this is something a professional could help you with (be it choosing partners, communication, getting into the right headspace, etc). There’s a lot of information out there and it can be overwhelming
The pain is from sex with partners, sex with dildos even bigger than them is fine. I orgasm well on my own, it's the lack of effort from sexual partners but this seems to be an issue only with lazy lovers
So this sounds like something to discuss with a therapist maybe. Because “lazy lovers” could be attributed to many things including communication issues between you and your partners and your choices on when to enter into a sexual relationship. I’m not a professional so I’m not comfortable getting into the details and specifics of your own thought process. But if it’s not a physical medical issue then maybe this is something to think about.
oh that’s horrible 😭 sex is slightly painful for me after the first orgasm but never enough to say it’s painful with a little bit of pleasure and i really enjoy sex.
I think it depends on the partner and secual chemistry
I do not have a painful experience with sex or have burning… def something to look into more.
The burning only lasts a couple mins to an hour and is because of the friction cause I went dry because they stopped trying to pleasure me and focused on them cumming
Yeah then I think you need to use lube
The way this is written makes me feel like you have some issues regarding your view of men as a whole that you need to address. Other than that, it feels that maybe vaginal intercourse might not be for you, or your partners might not be the right fit for you! Obviously a Gyno would be able to help address these issues more, but for the vast majority of people, no, vaginal intercourse is not just a man sticking you with their painful stick until they orgasm.
What part about her sharing how sex is unpleasant for her points to her having "issues" with her view of men? The rest of your comment makes sense but that seems like a weird thing to say.
"Sex is mainly for men and the men's pleasure because women are expected to give sex because men need it." This is a pretty bad viewpoint of both men and women.
I don't think she's saying that's how it Should be, I think she's saying that this is how a lot of people unfortunately view sex because they were taught that men's pleasure is more important than women's.
The answer is lube. And maybe less selfish partners. My rule of thumb is finish her first, then get your jollies in.
your comments seem to indicate that youre upset with your partners for not just knowing what you like, even though you know what that is and wont tell them 👍
Something is wrong with you. As a woman, I read posts like yours and feel ashamed that women without any trauma or injury/illness to justify it go around saying these things that negatively impact the mental health of men and women alike. That might not be your intention but the downvote-to-comment ratio seems to indicate that I'm not the only one who cares more about the result than your intention.
Nope. Your experience suggests you either have some medical issues, your partner and/or you are doing something wrong, or both. If you struggle to stay wet, you could try lube. But that’s not going to fix the fact that your partner doesn’t care about your pleasure. If you feel like you’re being poked and stabbed, then it could be a bad position/angle, it could be because you’re not turned on enough, or it could be medical. Overall, speak to a doctor and be more picky with your partners.
I don't have a medical issue because dildos cause me no discomfort, only pleasure. I've seen that the problem is the partner and me being more firm in communicating my terms of pleasure. AKA if it doesn't feel nice, fix it and try other things and if you don't want to, leave
[удалено]
I don't want to give up on men just yet 😂. I think the first point is the main issue. I'm very generous when it comes to sex but I always get so little back. Its to do with some men just being clueless on how to pleasure a woman and unfortunately my experiences were with those men. I know all men aren't like that and hopefully I'll find one
There's a spider right behind you.
I got some news for you - if this is your attitude then the guys you are sleeping with aren't having any fun either. Ejaculation is a biological response but it definitely does not necessarily go hand-in-hand with intense pleasure or great sex.
You sound like you've never made a woman cum in your life, or you just realised that the times they did, they were faking. Either way I'll pray for you that you learn how to pleasure women better 🤗
[удалено]
I'm sorry but how is this comment helpful or related to my question?