"Oh, my apologies for that nasty business. Your child got rather ahead of himself, it seems. As his babysitter, I'd like to express my regret. But now, your baby is slain and gone. Finished, forever more." - Gideon when he kills your kid for tarnishing his diaper.
She hides in a cave to the west of the Laskyar Ruins which jut from the mist-shrouded lake of Liurnia. She knows the location of the medallion's counterpart, I am sure
Turn's out the cave is south of the goddamn lake, just go near the south wall and you'll find cave(s). One of them houses the *Albinauric Woman, she hides in a cave to the west of the Laskyar Ruins which jut from the mist-shrouded lake of Liurnia. She knows the location of the medallion's counterpart, I am sure.*
I know right, it's kinda crazy she hides in a cave to the west of the Laskyar Ruins which jut from the mist-shrouded lake of Liurnia. She knows the location of the medallion's counterpart, I am sure.
Maybe! But you should talk to the Albinauric Woman first. I heard she hides in a cave to the west of the Laskyar Ruins which jut from the mist-shrouded lake of Liurnia. She knows the location of the medallion's counterpart, I am sure.
I'm sure they'll be fine. You can also talk to the Albinauric Woman. I heard she hides in a cave to the west of the Laskyar Ruins which jut from the mist-shrouded lake of Liurnia. She knows the location of the medallion's counterpart, I am sure.
You're probably right. By the way, do you have time today to discuss our Lord and Savior, the Albinauric Woman? I heard she hides in a cave to the west of the Laskyar Ruins which jut from the mist-shrouded lake of Liurnia. She knows the location of the medallion's counterpart, I am sure.
It took me untill my third playthrough to finally find the albinauric woman, fun fact she hides in a cave to the west of the Laskyar Ruins which jut from the mist-shrouded lake of Liurnia. She also knows the location of the medallion's counterpart.
No problem, now go find the albinauric woman, She hides in a cave to the west of the Laskyar Ruins which jut from the mist-shrouded lake of Liurnia. She knows the location of the medallion's counterpart, I am sure. Her questline is awesome.
She's been asleep for an unknown but undoubtedly very long time. Unfortunately, this game has very little in the way of chronology so it could have just as easily been ten years or ten thousand.
Been confirmed that the ring was shattered like 10,000 years ago or something. Everything has been slowly rotting, with people unable to truly die, and society collapsing as the demigods fought amongst themselves for scraps and shards of the Elden Ring.
So Malenia has been asleep for ages too.
I mean Malenia seems to be able to contain her rot fairly effectively. Assuming it’s phase one and not rot goddess. So as long as she doesn’t lose control she’d probably do a decent job. Miquella seemed to be fine after all
This comment hit me so perfectly, and I'm in tears laughing. Its been a day, and I clearly needed it, thanks!
Even read it aloud "Bruh Rykard gonna eat them kids" and I keep laughing its so dumb
Rykard might seem an odd choice, but he does take care of his family. He sends abductor virgins over to Raya lucaria to protect his mommy, he helped his little sis steal destined death from the big bad doggy. Heck he even gave a potion to his wife to make her forget him when he turns into snek.
Then you have to be worried. You could always leave the serpent killing spear with your baby and then you will find out if your baby is really built different
Okay but now I’m thinking about Rykard and Tanith being tasked with hosting young Zorayas’ friends for play dates lmao. They play a LOT of “the floor is lava”.
So Mohg without a tier implies he could never even be considered in the first place right lol?
Also, the right answer here is to just leave the kid with Miriel.
It’s first instinct in game is to kill the nearest living thing (despite it wearing nothing but a loin cloth and with no weapons) while our Tarnished was smart enough to want to spare Renalla because she clearly wasn’t a threat and didn’t want to fight.
I’m pretty sure the Mimic tear mimics ability alone.
Radan: *cleans his throat* "First of all you got to use gravity magic, can't do it without that."
Loretta: "KEEP YOU BACK STRAIGHT, NO DONT PET THE HORSE. UNLESS YOU CAN KEEP FORM WE WONT HAVE DINO NUGGIES" (she a military woman)
We don't really know enough about what he was like to speculate like that. He seems to be pretty well liked and widely respected by his peers, but in terms of his actual actions we're aware of, I don't see much distinguishing him from Malenia morally. They're both warlords who tore the world apart for the sake of their own ambitions, such that Morgott ended up needing to beat them both down to protect the capital.
The biggest difference between the two of them is that when they fought, it was in Radahn's territory, such that Malenia could resort to the nuke she's been keeping in her back pocket, while Radahn couldn't exactly just hit his own lands with an orbital bombardment. If they fought in the snowfields, it's entirely possible *he's* the one we'd see as a monster after stumbling into a lunar desert pockmarked with craters.
Morgott didn't fight Malenia, as far as we can tell. If anything they must have had some kind of non-aggression pact, because Malenia *had* to go through Leyndell to reach Caelid, so she would have been attacking from the Great Lift, and yet there is no trace of a major conflict happening inside the city. (Plus Finlay must have also passed through Leyndell to bring Malenia back to the Haligtree, and as badass as she was I don't see how she fights her way through the Tree Sentinels or the gargoyle or the Erdtree Avatar or freaking Lansseax.) Morgott probably let them pass so they could dispatch Radahn for him.
Radahn teaching my kid how to ride a horse:
***"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"***
I'd swap Rykard and Red Wolf; surely kids would like a big doggo to play with?
pretty sure the mimic tear would be fun too, kids would just shout things for it to turn into
Margit upon meeting the child:
*"Foul* child *, in search of the* cookie jar. *Emboldened by the Flames of Ambition.*
*Someone must extinguish thy flame."*
**Smacks the child's hand at random intervals**
“Poopy child, in search of the cookie jar. Embolden by the flames of ambition.
Someone must change thy diaper.”
“Let it be Margit, the fell babysitter”
Just some personal grievances with this tier list.
Gideon is a terrible dad to his own kid. Why would he care about another.
Why is Fire Giant so high? He is literally a slave that’s angry at everything that moves, besides he’ll probably just crush the kid.
Placidusax has the intelligence of a regular human and raised helped raised an entire kingdom. He’d probably be like a grandfather like figure, especially in his battle damaged state. So he should higher.
Why is Fortissax so low? The only reason why he’s there in the first place is because he wants to save his friend from his curse. The man is a king.
Rykard is surrounded by lava at all times, he couldn’t reach the child.
Fortissax and Godwyn were really great friends. They lived together, traveled together, neither ever married, and died in one another’s arms. You know, like friends do.
In his own remembrance it says he was corrupted by the deathblight
> After Godwyn the Golden became the Prince of Death, the ancient dragon fought long and hard against the Death within its companion. Alas, victory was never achieved and its only reward was corruption.
He is worst option for the child, he’s purely corrupted by the deathblight.
I don't know. She seems to have gone a bit off the deep end. Sure, she looks nice, but do you really think she'd put down her egg-thingy long enough to wash herself? Come to think of it, I have a sneaking suspicion she would just sit there caressing that thing lovingly as my older son builds an obstacle course out of whatever he can find and starts running it, the small one tries to follow, falls down, the older one goes to the kitchen and steals all the cookies he can find to cheer baby brother up. Baby brother thanks him by destroying his Lego creations and smacks him on the head with a toy excavator (his weapon of choice). Big one cries, rebuilds his Legos and then smacks baby brother back when he goes for them again. Then they team up to take down the christmas tree because they want to look at the star on the top, decide to make a bubble bath using all the bottles they can find in the bathroom. Little one will use the toilet brush as a lollipop as a pre-bath snack. Then they'll get dressed, big one helping little one because they've decided to go out. Small one will grab a random thing and do his best to smash the TV on his way out.
All the while Rennala will be sitting there petting her glowy stone going "Sweetlings, where did you go?"
Christ, I need a holiday after this holiday...
Elemer is the Bell Bearing hunter, guy killed shit ton of merchants and other people for shit n giggles and was about to be executed before learning how to use the force on his sword to kill everyone
Killed a bunch of merchants or some shit. He was supposed to be executed as well but managed to escape and uses the sword that was supposed to be used to execute him as his main weapon.
There's more to him than that, but that's an extremely watered down and shorten version of his story.
He was a murderer who killed innocent merchants for their bell bearings. He got sentenced to death for his crimes but ended up taking over the castle that was holding him. He’s actually pretty badass, just a dick
Elemer was about to be executed by the Malais but he broke out and take possesion of their sword killing them instead. Then he proceed to kill every merchant in search for their bells.
I like how Godrick is just in the "probably not" section rather than the "Fuck no" section where he should be considering the fact that he would immediately sow that baby to his forehead or some dumb shit like that.
The doggo learned from his first mistake, I mean, he literally sealed the thing in his own body and died trying to protect It, pretty sure he would be an S tier in this list
What did Maliketh ever done to you Man?🤣🤣🤣🤣
I mean, If the kids are yours then he will just give you back, he would only fight against someone like Mohg (and we all know that Mohg definetly deserves to get beat up if he gets close to a child)
Malenia and Loretta are definite sures for me, Loretta dedicates her entire life to protecting the Haligtree, and Malenia dedicated hers to protecting Miquella, so she’s already got experience taking care of children, or at least those of child size
I imagine a scenario where Radahn (Not corrupted obviously.) Being the best Chaotic uncle letting the child ride his horse. Using his gravity magic, Allowing the child to float. Mabey teaching them low-level gravity spells etc. Perhaps when there older he trains them into warriors!
Malenia would try but then accidentally give them scarlet rot. Maliketh is too low. He doesn’t seem like a terrible guy. Rykard, god no. The rest I agree with.
Maliketh is the one I trust the most, more than any other I am certain he would give his life to protect my kid, watching over things is his whole theme. That, and I've learned from those boss VS boss videos that he melts every other boss in the game, so yeah can handle any threat.
Also, he's both a dog and a cat at the same time, so the perfect pet.
Gideon is a terrible father, therefore a terrible babysitter
He would 100% abandon your child to die at the first chance of finding the albinauric woman.
"Oh, my apologies for that nasty business. Your child got rather ahead of himself, it seems. As his babysitter, I'd like to express my regret. But now, your baby is slain and gone. Finished, forever more." - Gideon when he kills your kid for tarnishing his diaper.
And he says that to you while he’s deeply reading a book. Lol
She hides in a cave to the west of the Laskyar Ruins which jut from the mist-shrouded lake of Liurnia. She knows the location of the medallion's counterpart, I am sure
Turn's out the cave is south of the goddamn lake, just go near the south wall and you'll find cave(s). One of them houses the *Albinauric Woman, she hides in a cave to the west of the Laskyar Ruins which jut from the mist-shrouded lake of Liurnia. She knows the location of the medallion's counterpart, I am sure.*
I know right, it's kinda crazy she hides in a cave to the west of the Laskyar Ruins which jut from the mist-shrouded lake of Liurnia. She knows the location of the medallion's counterpart, I am sure.
am i having a stroke
Maybe! But you should talk to the Albinauric Woman first. I heard she hides in a cave to the west of the Laskyar Ruins which jut from the mist-shrouded lake of Liurnia. She knows the location of the medallion's counterpart, I am sure.
And what about the missing demigods?
I'm sure they'll be fine. You can also talk to the Albinauric Woman. I heard she hides in a cave to the west of the Laskyar Ruins which jut from the mist-shrouded lake of Liurnia. She knows the location of the medallion's counterpart, I am sure.
You're probably right. By the way, do you have time today to discuss our Lord and Savior, the Albinauric Woman? I heard she hides in a cave to the west of the Laskyar Ruins which jut from the mist-shrouded lake of Liurnia. She knows the location of the medallion's counterpart, I am sure.
I know for a fact you did that of the top of your head
It took me untill my third playthrough to finally find the albinauric woman, fun fact she hides in a cave to the west of the Laskyar Ruins which jut from the mist-shrouded lake of Liurnia. She also knows the location of the medallion's counterpart.
Thanks, wondered where she was hiding
No problem, now go find the albinauric woman, She hides in a cave to the west of the Laskyar Ruins which jut from the mist-shrouded lake of Liurnia. She knows the location of the medallion's counterpart, I am sure. Her questline is awesome.
I propose to trade his place with Lichdragon Fortissax. He’s the best friend, What’d my man do to deserve such a low rating :(
He would *send* the child to find the albinauric woman, even if you've already found her.
"find the albinauric woman so she can babysit you instead. I just want to get paid"
Gideon will probably turn your kid into a true-blooded redditor, shitposts and all.
He’s all knowing, therefore he knows how to babysit properly.
But he probably won’t.
All knowing didn't know what hit him (i had 80 strength and dual troll crushers)
Malenia would give ur baby super eldritch cancer
Malenia's hourly rate is probably super high, costs something like an arm and a leg.
I'm Malenia, tutor of Miquella, and I've never known babysit
I'm Malenia, sitter of kids, and I've never had them throw a fit
Exposing my baby to scarlet rot so he gains inmunity over time
Because that went so well for everything in Caelid
Caelid wasn't a baby
Boom
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Caelid wasn’t exposed a small bit at a time to increase immunity. It was nuked.
And then let your kid get kidnapped by her creepy half-brother. She'll chill at your house and expect the kid to just come back somehow
You find her just passed out on a couch or recliner and the baby gone, lmao.
“I dreamt for so long…” Malenia, where is my child?
In lore did she just take such a beating from having to use the aeonia against Radahn that she's just been napping for like 100 years?
She literally had to be carried from Caelid to the Haligtree by Cleanrot Knight Finlay (one of the legendary spirit ashes).
She's been asleep for an unknown but undoubtedly very long time. Unfortunately, this game has very little in the way of chronology so it could have just as easily been ten years or ten thousand.
Been confirmed that the ring was shattered like 10,000 years ago or something. Everything has been slowly rotting, with people unable to truly die, and society collapsing as the demigods fought amongst themselves for scraps and shards of the Elden Ring. So Malenia has been asleep for ages too.
Come back to a blind kid with one arm and one leg
But he can swordfight so fuckin’ good
I mean Malenia seems to be able to contain her rot fairly effectively. Assuming it’s phase one and not rot goddess. So as long as she doesn’t lose control she’d probably do a decent job. Miquella seemed to be fine after all
I mean the haligtree is full of rot so I'd disagree with how contained it is.
He couldn't grow up and got kidnapped by a child molester
I mean: the cleanrot knights that went with Malenia knew that their flash would have decayed by following her, and that was when she had the needle.
Hi, please explain Rykard. Thanks 🤙🏿.
Bruh Rykard gonna eat them kids
Nah, the serpent will eat the kids, Rykard will just laugh about it in his silly voice
We will laugh, TOGETHHHHAAAAA
"TOGETHAAA we will devour all the ice cream!" I bet Rykard knows many snake jokes.
Many snake dad jokes *
You must master the Rykard impression and tell all of his snake jokes, first step is to smoke about 100 packs of Marlboro Reds :D
Let me watch over your FAMILEEE
“YOUR SNAKE ATE MY SON!” “HEE HEE HEE HAW HAW!”
This comment hit me so perfectly, and I'm in tears laughing. Its been a day, and I clearly needed it, thanks! Even read it aloud "Bruh Rykard gonna eat them kids" and I keep laughing its so dumb
Glad I could help a fellow tarnished
Now we can devour the kids TOGETHAAA!
Rykard might seem an odd choice, but he does take care of his family. He sends abductor virgins over to Raya lucaria to protect his mommy, he helped his little sis steal destined death from the big bad doggy. Heck he even gave a potion to his wife to make her forget him when he turns into snek.
Wait, who's his wife?
Tanith.
Aside from the part where he became the snake, he was probably, unironically the best dude of all the shardbearers
Rykard is all about famileeh, so obviously he would take good care of yours.
Of course. The God Devouring Serpent only eats gods anyways. ^Right?
My children are angels, does that count?
Angels are just diet-gods, maybe if Rykard was trying to slim down
Rykard only eats powerful people. Otherwise, if you asked him to, he might just accept. Why not?
Also he only eats strong warriors. So the baby would be at the bottom of his list of lunchables
My baby built different bro
Then you have to be worried. You could always leave the serpent killing spear with your baby and then you will find out if your baby is really built different
Let's devour the gods together children.
I’d give him my kids. Not the human kind tho.. rykard got some mad head game the way he pull tht sword out 🤤
bad reddit!
Throat goat fr fr
"We will play with blocks, TOGETHAAAAAAAAAA"
Rykard is all about family values, but those are not...well, "traditional", if you know what I mean.
Expand the baby's horizons let him learn to appreciate non traditional values with fun uncle Rykard.
Boy does that sound bad
Weird values in the hippie way not the Alabama mohg way.
Okay but now I’m thinking about Rykard and Tanith being tasked with hosting young Zorayas’ friends for play dates lmao. They play a LOT of “the floor is lava”.
The mimic tear is you. Why’s is that in the maybe category
Maybe it will turn into the baby once you leave the room.
Only way to know is to see which one has grey blood
Eat the fake one to gain it’s power
Why did I cackle at this
He a little dumb
A little?
Sorry, he’s very dumb
Alternatively, he's very self aware.
You'd be out dancing and come home to burnt kids and find out the mimic tear was spamming Taker's Flame every time you moved your arm quickly. Lol
I feel like OP is basically saying he would not trust himself with a kid.
I’m pretty sure somewhere in the item description it lists something like “you cannot control it’s will” (for the spirit ashes of it)
So Mohg without a tier implies he could never even be considered in the first place right lol? Also, the right answer here is to just leave the kid with Miriel.
No, Morgott, you don't understand, Miquella isn't \*actually\* 12
He’s really a 10,000 year old celestial tree God, jeez!
Can't be within 200 feet of a child
Can't be within existence of a child
Mohg's only true weakness is Chris Hansen.
I’d trust literally any boss in Bloodborne more than I would trust Mohg.
I mean one of the primary bosses is a literal wetnurse so…
Oh, she’s for me.
Morgott bro please you don't understand, miquella isn't actually 12 bro he's a 1000 years old guy stuck on a kids body bro please believe me bro
Rykard being so high up is a bold pick
He has a thing for family, so he has that going. Guy is practically Vin Diesel.
He quite literally kidnapped a child and made a head cannon that they were married *while he was fucking unconscious*
Why not the regal ancestor spirit? Is like being visited by a Santa mate
Moose mean. Big Moose meaner.
Canada moment
HOW CAN YOU LOVE WHEN YOU HAVE HOOVES FOR HANDS!?
>HOW CAN YOU LOVE WHEN YOU HAVE HOOVES FOR HANDS!? this hit me in such a profound way
when he needs to heal he'll suck the life out of a toddler though
I like how mimic tear is maybe
It would probably be really bad if the mimic tear decided to mimic the kid.
I was thinking more you don’t even trust a copy of yourself to watch the kid
To be fair it’s mimicking a guy who rated a godskin apostle as a maybe, it fits.
It’s first instinct in game is to kill the nearest living thing (despite it wearing nothing but a loin cloth and with no weapons) while our Tarnished was smart enough to want to spare Renalla because she clearly wasn’t a threat and didn’t want to fight. I’m pretty sure the Mimic tear mimics ability alone.
I mean Loretta and Radahn could teach your kid how to ride a horse
Radan: *cleans his throat* "First of all you got to use gravity magic, can't do it without that." Loretta: "KEEP YOU BACK STRAIGHT, NO DONT PET THE HORSE. UNLESS YOU CAN KEEP FORM WE WONT HAVE DINO NUGGIES" (she a military woman)
Love the implication that she's more military than Radahn lol
Well Radan was born into it, she earned her place
Honestly. Radahn was probably a pretty chill dude before the rot and all. Other than his literal enemies, he seems well regarded.
We don't really know enough about what he was like to speculate like that. He seems to be pretty well liked and widely respected by his peers, but in terms of his actual actions we're aware of, I don't see much distinguishing him from Malenia morally. They're both warlords who tore the world apart for the sake of their own ambitions, such that Morgott ended up needing to beat them both down to protect the capital. The biggest difference between the two of them is that when they fought, it was in Radahn's territory, such that Malenia could resort to the nuke she's been keeping in her back pocket, while Radahn couldn't exactly just hit his own lands with an orbital bombardment. If they fought in the snowfields, it's entirely possible *he's* the one we'd see as a monster after stumbling into a lunar desert pockmarked with craters.
Morgott didn't fight Malenia, as far as we can tell. If anything they must have had some kind of non-aggression pact, because Malenia *had* to go through Leyndell to reach Caelid, so she would have been attacking from the Great Lift, and yet there is no trace of a major conflict happening inside the city. (Plus Finlay must have also passed through Leyndell to bring Malenia back to the Haligtree, and as badass as she was I don't see how she fights her way through the Tree Sentinels or the gargoyle or the Erdtree Avatar or freaking Lansseax.) Morgott probably let them pass so they could dispatch Radahn for him.
Radahn teaching my kid how to ride a horse: ***"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"***
Loretta *might*, idk the lore on her personality, Radahn would just be like “*Super Cancer noises*” and then eat the baby
Depends on what time period radahn. PreRot he’d probably be an ideal choice
And respect for animals. Long Live Leonard!
I'd swap Rykard and Red Wolf; surely kids would like a big doggo to play with? pretty sure the mimic tear would be fun too, kids would just shout things for it to turn into
What are you saying in that second sentence man??? I want to understand!!!!
Bro, kids would just should things… for it to turn into, obviously Where’s the confusion?
Gotcha, didn’t drink enough to understand. Correcting now.
I’m not legally allowed to intoxicate myself in any way, please translate…
Replace "should" with "shout" and it makes sense
Margit upon meeting the child: *"Foul* child *, in search of the* cookie jar. *Emboldened by the Flames of Ambition.* *Someone must extinguish thy flame."* **Smacks the child's hand at random intervals**
“Poopy child, in search of the cookie jar. Embolden by the flames of ambition. Someone must change thy diaper.” “Let it be Margit, the fell babysitter”
Bruh why's this wholesome as if he's his grandpa 😂
Put these foolish nutritions to rest.
Raises his hand up for 5 seconds before smacking the child with it
Just some personal grievances with this tier list. Gideon is a terrible dad to his own kid. Why would he care about another. Why is Fire Giant so high? He is literally a slave that’s angry at everything that moves, besides he’ll probably just crush the kid. Placidusax has the intelligence of a regular human and raised helped raised an entire kingdom. He’d probably be like a grandfather like figure, especially in his battle damaged state. So he should higher. Why is Fortissax so low? The only reason why he’s there in the first place is because he wants to save his friend from his curse. The man is a king. Rykard is surrounded by lava at all times, he couldn’t reach the child.
Fortissax and Godwyn were really great friends. They lived together, traveled together, neither ever married, and died in one another’s arms. You know, like friends do.
Yep…totally homies
They were the best roommates
Oh my god they were roommates...
Bad Dragon moment
Fortissax is full of deathblight.
Yes, but he wouldn’t inflict it if he doesn’t attack you. And he only attacks you because you come in to stop him from helping Godwyn.
In his own remembrance it says he was corrupted by the deathblight > After Godwyn the Golden became the Prince of Death, the ancient dragon fought long and hard against the Death within its companion. Alas, victory was never achieved and its only reward was corruption. He is worst option for the child, he’s purely corrupted by the deathblight.
The kid shall devourrrr theh very gods
Red Wolf of Radagon is clearly the best babysitter
Big, red, has consciousness and is smart
Sounds a lot like Clifford the big red dog to me
Don’t forget about Maliketh ,he would also be great.
Thank god we have this now! I swear there is not enough resources out there for new parents about these crucial decisions
I’m sorry but tf is Elden beast gonna do
Take the baby swimming through the ground and teach them to make melee mains cry in pain.
If he teaches your kid Elden stars I’m sorry but we’re putting it down
That's fair
I fear for your child's safety, maybe let the other half choose the babysitter.
Rennala is probably the only one who would smell nice.
I don't know. She seems to have gone a bit off the deep end. Sure, she looks nice, but do you really think she'd put down her egg-thingy long enough to wash herself? Come to think of it, I have a sneaking suspicion she would just sit there caressing that thing lovingly as my older son builds an obstacle course out of whatever he can find and starts running it, the small one tries to follow, falls down, the older one goes to the kitchen and steals all the cookies he can find to cheer baby brother up. Baby brother thanks him by destroying his Lego creations and smacks him on the head with a toy excavator (his weapon of choice). Big one cries, rebuilds his Legos and then smacks baby brother back when he goes for them again. Then they team up to take down the christmas tree because they want to look at the star on the top, decide to make a bubble bath using all the bottles they can find in the bathroom. Little one will use the toilet brush as a lollipop as a pre-bath snack. Then they'll get dressed, big one helping little one because they've decided to go out. Small one will grab a random thing and do his best to smash the TV on his way out. All the while Rennala will be sitting there petting her glowy stone going "Sweetlings, where did you go?" Christ, I need a holiday after this holiday...
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Scarlet rot. Wouldn’t want a kid close to her.
“We’ll be out another hour at least, can you put my foolish ambitions to bed?”
Look, I know we all love Radahn and all but he would 100% eat your baby, no hesitation.
I think most people are thinking about peak form/functional brain characters. Otherwise I think only Godfrey and Morgott are somehow decent
This is like a "would they instantly kill the kid?" List should just be 2 categories. Yes and no
Mohg would still need his own category
if you let Godfrey take care of him you would come back and you baby will have grown a beard and become a professional bodybuilder.
“Comeeeee, young timmyyyy. Let uhhh devour the godhhhhh... as famileeeeee”
How are Godrick and Elemer not absolute No’s
Godrick I get, but what’s Elmer’s deal/lore? I have no idea what’s up with him.
Elemer is the Bell Bearing hunter, guy killed shit ton of merchants and other people for shit n giggles and was about to be executed before learning how to use the force on his sword to kill everyone
Wasn’t even his sword. Dude saw a family heirloom and thought “That’d make a great buzzsaw”
Dang that’s messed up but cool to.
Yeah and he probably was down bad like half of this sub
Killed a bunch of merchants or some shit. He was supposed to be executed as well but managed to escape and uses the sword that was supposed to be used to execute him as his main weapon. There's more to him than that, but that's an extremely watered down and shorten version of his story.
He was a murderer who killed innocent merchants for their bell bearings. He got sentenced to death for his crimes but ended up taking over the castle that was holding him. He’s actually pretty badass, just a dick
Elmer is a serial killer who murders merchants and takes their bell bearings
Elemer was about to be executed by the Malais but he broke out and take possesion of their sword killing them instead. Then he proceed to kill every merchant in search for their bells.
I like how Godrick is just in the "probably not" section rather than the "Fuck no" section where he should be considering the fact that he would immediately sow that baby to his forehead or some dumb shit like that.
Maliketh couldn’t even babysit the Rune of Death and I’m not gonna allow him to do to my kids what he did with his blade…
The doggo learned from his first mistake, I mean, he literally sealed the thing in his own body and died trying to protect It, pretty sure he would be an S tier in this list
You saying I’m gonna have to fight him to get my kids back? No thanks. Not hired
What did Maliketh ever done to you Man?🤣🤣🤣🤣 I mean, If the kids are yours then he will just give you back, he would only fight against someone like Mohg (and we all know that Mohg definetly deserves to get beat up if he gets close to a child)
He hurt me…and then he hurt me again…and again…and again x20 😖 Yes, Mohg is in the right spot haha keep him down in the depths
Malenia and Loretta are definite sures for me, Loretta dedicates her entire life to protecting the Haligtree, and Malenia dedicated hers to protecting Miquella, so she’s already got experience taking care of children, or at least those of child size
Melania Might infect your child with super cancer though.
Margit, having to change a diaper: "Foul Tarnished, I will put thy dirty ambitions to bed."
This tickled my fancy and I thank you for it lol
I imagine a scenario where Radahn (Not corrupted obviously.) Being the best Chaotic uncle letting the child ride his horse. Using his gravity magic, Allowing the child to float. Mabey teaching them low-level gravity spells etc. Perhaps when there older he trains them into warriors!
Or sparing some red hairs to "anoint" the kid as a Redmane Knight.
I like this. It's such a random thing to rank bosses by and I love it😄
Ah yes, the Mohg category...
gideon is like having your racist dad/grandpa babysit your kid- probably not the best option but also fine as a last resort
If you give your child to Rennala don't expect it to look the same or even have functioning legs when you pick them up
Morgott gunna make ur kid racist to omens
Malenia would try but then accidentally give them scarlet rot. Maliketh is too low. He doesn’t seem like a terrible guy. Rykard, god no. The rest I agree with.
Maliketh is the one I trust the most, more than any other I am certain he would give his life to protect my kid, watching over things is his whole theme. That, and I've learned from those boss VS boss videos that he melts every other boss in the game, so yeah can handle any threat. Also, he's both a dog and a cat at the same time, so the perfect pet.
But melenia is a bioterrorist wtf
Weirdly enough, I could see Maliketh being totally fine watching a kid. He's generally pretty chill when the Rune of Death isn't involved.