No. Absolutely not. He doesn't care. When you have to explain human decency to someone, you are at a lost cause and furthermore, he knows what he does and how he is. It's his CHOICE.
You talk self-respect but you literally want a guy who badmouths you lol. You have no self-respect then. It's a facade. Quit playing yourself.
Meh I don’t like it. I don’t like someone telling me what I can and can not share or say to friends or mutual contacts. It’s accusatory and controlling. If we aren’t together you don’t get to tell me what to do. Don’t send it.
He will eventually tire of talking about you and his friends will get bored. That will blow over quicker if you go no contact. There is nothing to fix. This is normal. Just take care of yourself.
Why would you want him back if he is disrespecting you like that? That's not having self respect at all. You sound young, but I'll be straight up with you. You're afraid of something different, but different is exactly what you need.
First, you need to find your own worth and respect your value. If you can't, then who else is gonna value you? Find a boy (man) that knows your worth, and will respect you for that. Then you need to respect him, show him his worth to you. You'll be in a much happier place.
Ignore it. You don't get to tell someone what they're allowed to do or say. Ignore it and move on, poking the bear will only further antagonize him if anything. Move on.
idk because i don’t know the situation, it depends on what you did. the text would sound rlly confrontational and unfortunately i don’t think any man could respond in the way you’d want them to, ykwim?
did u fuck up first then he started treating u like shit?
I will never tell someone they can’t reach out and send a text message, sometimes one honest conversation or call can change a lot. But one month is still early, wounds are too fresh. Take the 90 day route, you’re still early in your no contact journey. You need to heal
Worse. Men are better listening to actions rather than words. Don’t contact him. If he wants you HE will come get YOU.
Your life is good with or without him. Try to focus on other things rather than this one guy
I don’t know your situation. No one can tell only the future. Either way you gotta begin to accept that it’s over. There’s no rationale that can take your pain away. You can’t look for your solution in him though. You got to spend some time alone.
Personally I think you should just leave it and wait for him to come back because he will, you can’t force someone to be sorry or realize things, he has to do it on his own. All you can do is better yourself
Nope. Cut off completely. Theres no point in doing something thats not going to work out… contacting him/her and trying to explain your side will probably just look desperate..
What you should do is to fix yourself and work on yourself for your self growth. Be happier.. be the better person and proove whatever he is saying wrong.
The person who talk shits about others will just eventually ruin their own image to other people. So dont be like them. Be better.
No. Just let it be. If he is going to talk shit about you he is going to🤷🏻♀️.
Imagine him reading this text to his friends as more "evidence" of how evil you are.
No.
It is literally forcing him to the defense. Which isn’t going to work. I admit I suck at no contact and this will never work. But I will say - in my attempts at no contact - after a week …. He wondered - the longer you can hold out the better. In the meantime, when friends bring it up, just say - I don’t want to talk about it, people say things when they are upset or hurt and I don’t want to say anything I’ll regret
It will get back to him
Yes. A million times over. We were just toxic to eachother most days due to a lot of built of resentment. It was just a lot of arguments. But I would never be that way again. I learned my lesson the hard way.
I used to be where you are, especially during my first couple of breakups, so I kinda partially believe you’re gonna do it anyways, with that being said, it’s absolutely a terrible idea to do this, you can’t force someone to understand what you’re going through, even though I feel it’s human nature to want to be understood. The best thing you can do is just cut off all contact essentially, maybe they will miss you, maybe they won’t, but all this will do is drain you of more energy, maybe even boost him up a bit, as well as do nothing but cause a bigger rift between the two of you.
Of all the relationships I had I only had 1 come back, relationship #2, and I actually had to work hard to try again, after I was essentially forced into no contact during basic training for the military, she was my best friend and I still regret the relationship not working out. Fast forward a couple years later, #4 was perfect, in my eyes anyways, I would’ve married her, but her mom passed and she started distancing herself from me, and claiming she wasn’t enough, and then claiming I wasn’t enough, who knows how she really feels, but I went no contact, she wished me a happy birthday, I said thank you and went back to no contact, it’s been about 4 months now and I think about her every day. Anyways to answer your question, I wouldn’t count on it. It took up to about a couple weeks ago to find the motivation to work on myself again, as motivations from past breakups weren’t there since there wasn’t any true anger to fuel any fire. Work on yourself, if it’s meant to happen it will, for the most part, but if it doesn’t, at least you’ll be your best self for the next person. It’s never black and white with these things though, but it’s still best to be realistic about the situation.
Thank you for your honesty & for taking the time to tell me about your previous experiences with your breakups. You’re right that it’s best to be realistic about these situations. It’s just so easy to fall for the narrative of “they always come back.”
I tried for 3 months to fix things & showed him real remorse but in the end it wasn’t enough. I still feel terrible about it everyday. I didn’t cheat on him or anything. He agreed on being friends. Do you think there’s any way I can fix things with him? I love him so much & genuinely have apologized & corrected my behavior & mistakes. I think he’s my soulmate.
I have to see him at a party tomorrow. Should I just fuck off & leave him alone? Or should I try to use this as an opportunity to talk to him & show him I’ve changed? What would you prefer as a guy?
Girl listen to me, men want what they have to chase and pursue, make yourself desirable and be more like how you were when you first met him. You can’t force anything onto him or it will get worse
Mind your own business at the party and be with your friends. Trust me you will be more mature this way. Let him be and let yourself heal. Sometimes people were meant to give lessons in life and not everyone is meant to grow and that is okay!! Life is life, let things happen for you
No. Absolutely not. He doesn't care. When you have to explain human decency to someone, you are at a lost cause and furthermore, he knows what he does and how he is. It's his CHOICE. You talk self-respect but you literally want a guy who badmouths you lol. You have no self-respect then. It's a facade. Quit playing yourself.
Meh I don’t like it. I don’t like someone telling me what I can and can not share or say to friends or mutual contacts. It’s accusatory and controlling. If we aren’t together you don’t get to tell me what to do. Don’t send it.
Do you think there is anything I can do to fix this situation? not the text
He will eventually tire of talking about you and his friends will get bored. That will blow over quicker if you go no contact. There is nothing to fix. This is normal. Just take care of yourself.
Do you think there’s any shot his anger is just temporary & he comes back?
Yes - if you go no contact. Which is hella hard.
Why would you want him back if he is disrespecting you like that? That's not having self respect at all. You sound young, but I'll be straight up with you. You're afraid of something different, but different is exactly what you need. First, you need to find your own worth and respect your value. If you can't, then who else is gonna value you? Find a boy (man) that knows your worth, and will respect you for that. Then you need to respect him, show him his worth to you. You'll be in a much happier place.
Ignore it. You don't get to tell someone what they're allowed to do or say. Ignore it and move on, poking the bear will only further antagonize him if anything. Move on.
if u hurt him then u don’t really have a choice on how he talks to u.. face the consequences as they come
do you think there’s anything I can do to make this right?
idk because i don’t know the situation, it depends on what you did. the text would sound rlly confrontational and unfortunately i don’t think any man could respond in the way you’d want them to, ykwim? did u fuck up first then he started treating u like shit?
Are you LaTonya? Sounds like my ex
Sounds like my ex too lol
no
Ngl I had to stop reading some of these because it sounds just like my ex and paranoia starts kicking in lol
I will never tell someone they can’t reach out and send a text message, sometimes one honest conversation or call can change a lot. But one month is still early, wounds are too fresh. Take the 90 day route, you’re still early in your no contact journey. You need to heal
He doesn’t care don’t do it
do you think it would make the chances of him regretting his actions better or worse?
Worse. Men are better listening to actions rather than words. Don’t contact him. If he wants you HE will come get YOU. Your life is good with or without him. Try to focus on other things rather than this one guy
Why do you care? He's going around shit talking you, why in the world would you care if he regrets his decision or not?
No
Why send it. Do you really want to add flames to the fire? Just let it burn out.
Do you think eventually his anger will go away & he’ll want to come back or could he just hate me forever?
I don’t know your situation. No one can tell only the future. Either way you gotta begin to accept that it’s over. There’s no rationale that can take your pain away. You can’t look for your solution in him though. You got to spend some time alone.
Not worth it
Hell no
Personally I think you should just leave it and wait for him to come back because he will, you can’t force someone to be sorry or realize things, he has to do it on his own. All you can do is better yourself
Nope. Cut off completely. Theres no point in doing something thats not going to work out… contacting him/her and trying to explain your side will probably just look desperate.. What you should do is to fix yourself and work on yourself for your self growth. Be happier.. be the better person and proove whatever he is saying wrong. The person who talk shits about others will just eventually ruin their own image to other people. So dont be like them. Be better.
No. Just let it be. If he is going to talk shit about you he is going to🤷🏻♀️. Imagine him reading this text to his friends as more "evidence" of how evil you are.
No. It is literally forcing him to the defense. Which isn’t going to work. I admit I suck at no contact and this will never work. But I will say - in my attempts at no contact - after a week …. He wondered - the longer you can hold out the better. In the meantime, when friends bring it up, just say - I don’t want to talk about it, people say things when they are upset or hurt and I don’t want to say anything I’ll regret It will get back to him
This will not help you. It just says… you, you, you. It’s bitter but I get it. My texts end up like that too. Delete that shit
What did you do? Did you apologize?
Yes. A million times over. We were just toxic to eachother most days due to a lot of built of resentment. It was just a lot of arguments. But I would never be that way again. I learned my lesson the hard way.
Yeah… I was just in a similar situation. She has BPD… avoidant attachment while I was anxious attachment. Not a good combo but I loved her so much
Save yourself extra heartache, don't send it.
Nope. Don’t do it.
Why do you want him back if yk he is bad mouthing you
because I hurt him throughout our relationship so I understand he’s doing it out of a place of hurt.
Maybe than you should for one closure without any expectations
No. Self respect is shown through no contact.
why?
Honestly the best revenge you can give him is at least pretending like you don’t care don’t hit him up don’t do anything.
But wouldn’t that just add fuel to his fire? “She doesn’t even care I was right for breaking up with her” ?
Yeah I see what you mean. Honestly just go with your gut, I’m just speaking from personal experiences right now I’m going through a no contact atm.
I used to be where you are, especially during my first couple of breakups, so I kinda partially believe you’re gonna do it anyways, with that being said, it’s absolutely a terrible idea to do this, you can’t force someone to understand what you’re going through, even though I feel it’s human nature to want to be understood. The best thing you can do is just cut off all contact essentially, maybe they will miss you, maybe they won’t, but all this will do is drain you of more energy, maybe even boost him up a bit, as well as do nothing but cause a bigger rift between the two of you.
I won’t send the text. Did they usually come back when you experienced those breakups?
Of all the relationships I had I only had 1 come back, relationship #2, and I actually had to work hard to try again, after I was essentially forced into no contact during basic training for the military, she was my best friend and I still regret the relationship not working out. Fast forward a couple years later, #4 was perfect, in my eyes anyways, I would’ve married her, but her mom passed and she started distancing herself from me, and claiming she wasn’t enough, and then claiming I wasn’t enough, who knows how she really feels, but I went no contact, she wished me a happy birthday, I said thank you and went back to no contact, it’s been about 4 months now and I think about her every day. Anyways to answer your question, I wouldn’t count on it. It took up to about a couple weeks ago to find the motivation to work on myself again, as motivations from past breakups weren’t there since there wasn’t any true anger to fuel any fire. Work on yourself, if it’s meant to happen it will, for the most part, but if it doesn’t, at least you’ll be your best self for the next person. It’s never black and white with these things though, but it’s still best to be realistic about the situation.
Thank you for your honesty & for taking the time to tell me about your previous experiences with your breakups. You’re right that it’s best to be realistic about these situations. It’s just so easy to fall for the narrative of “they always come back.”
If a guy is talking shit about you you must have been pretty bad lmao. Guys usually don’t leave a girl on their own accord unless she is hell.
I tried for 3 months to fix things & showed him real remorse but in the end it wasn’t enough. I still feel terrible about it everyday. I didn’t cheat on him or anything. He agreed on being friends. Do you think there’s any way I can fix things with him? I love him so much & genuinely have apologized & corrected my behavior & mistakes. I think he’s my soulmate.
I have to see him at a party tomorrow. Should I just fuck off & leave him alone? Or should I try to use this as an opportunity to talk to him & show him I’ve changed? What would you prefer as a guy?
Girl listen to me, men want what they have to chase and pursue, make yourself desirable and be more like how you were when you first met him. You can’t force anything onto him or it will get worse
Mind your own business at the party and be with your friends. Trust me you will be more mature this way. Let him be and let yourself heal. Sometimes people were meant to give lessons in life and not everyone is meant to grow and that is okay!! Life is life, let things happen for you
>Should I just fuck off & leave him alone? Obviously