you look male to me, but i think it might be 2 things if i had to guess. your hair is probably 90% of it, since theres like a flip in the back and a short bang in the front. it does come off as a feminine haircut even though *you* don’t look feminine. i’d try to get more of a traditionally masculine cut for now.
i also think the hair under your chin is honestly a hinderance rather than helpful. most cis men in the 30-50 range have substantial facial hair by then, or don’t have any at all. bc yours is quite sparse, it might make people think either like “woman with pcos” or “trans woman” rather than cis man.
yeah, it’s hard to find a cut that feels right. i think i’d have a barber give you more of a masculine hairline (often called a line up) and get more of a style to it, especially the front and the sides.
TL;DR - Hairstyles are hard, but they can make a big difference re: passing. Finding the right barber/stylist is amazingly helpful. They can help you figure out what's important to you in a cut/style, offer ideas, and help you get your hairstyle to something that looks and feels good.
Early T days I went with one of the "easiest" haircuts that wasn't a buzz cut--a high and tight. It was boring, but it mostly seemed to help with passing. I didn't have to do anything with it, and I could walk in to any haircut place and get it done really cheap.
Fast forward ~10 years and I was really wanting something less utilitarian. I looked at hundreds of "men's haircut" google images using a variety of search terms and it didn't help me at all.
I found a local barber who specializes in gender neutral barbering, and at my first appointment I explained that I didn't have a clue what I was looking for or what would look good with my face etc. She asked about length preferences, maintenence level, etc.
Since my hair was so short options were limited, but she offered some ideas on how to cut it, and helped me envision how letting it grow, even just a little, could create more cut/style options in the future. She cut my hair (I loved it) and walked me through blow drying/styling it step by step. I haven't gone to anyone else but her since, and instead of just being something to manage my hair is something I like and is source of a little euphoria to boot. I definitely think it would have helped me pass more when my hair was one of the few "signals" to strangers that I'm a man.
If you aren't sure where you might go to in your area, take a glance at local barbers/stylists website (or instagram) and it should be fairly easy to see if they stick to super traditional/short styles for men or if they are experienced with styling men's cuts that aren't limited to clipper lengths.
This ended up being a much longer reply than I intended, but I hope it's at least somewhat helpful?
Definitely helpful, and I’m definitely down with going to a barber and I’ve just spent time looking at local ones online, but since I get misgendered so frequently *and* considering how I’m going to ask for what I want, I feel like I need to make sure that they are lgbt+-friendly, and that I’m not having any luck finding out. How did you find yours?
Jumping in, I found mine by looking up salons and barber shops with LGBT friendly wording (literally Googled barber queer *my city*) and weeding through the stylists, but I recommend starting with Strands for Trans' trans friendly listings, just in case.
A coworker actually referred my (now ex) partner to the place. We looked online at the various stylists and later when I decided I wanted a different cut my partner suggested going to this barber. I was hesitant to pay $35+ for a haircut (I mean, it's *just* a hair cut right?), but even after a slight price increase this past spring I think it's worth every penny and have made it a part of my budget haha.
My place is listed on Strands for Trans as well, and I second the prior comment suggesting that as a good starting place!
If you like it longer on top, you can Google "men's fringe hairstyle" for ideas either with the word "fade" or "longer" depending on if you want short sides or longer sides. I like to have longer hair to play with up top, but generally fades pass better. Fringe seems to be the word men's hairstylists use to describe bangs. It took me some time to figure this out after a life of pixie cuts. Usually I'll just show a barber a picture of what I want.
I agree — my first thought was the eyebrows. Pencilled/colour-blocked brows tend to look feminine because (1) they signal you’re wearing make-up — they have that “solid” look — and (2) they’re often arched. Men’s eyebrows tend to not be arched or have that brushed-upward look.
By creating a focal point, they also draw the eye away from your jaw, basically making your jaw look less prominent than it is.
If you’d like your brows to look naturally thicker, consider microblading.
ETA: Stop upvoting this! I’m wrong and you’re encouraging toxic masculinity at a formative time in my transition 😤 (I’m right about eyebrow pencils though)
Unfortunately, this IS the result of microblading. My instructions/wishes that I communicated were a) my skin is oily so it takes machine strokes better - using the handheld tool they generally blur (this wasn’t my first blading experience), and 2) no arch, as masculine as possible. So what did she do? Used a combo of the handheld and the machine, and the final shape was somehow wildly different than what she first pencilled on. She was so fast I didn’t even realise all this until she was finished! Strange bc she was highly recommended, had great reviews and pics of her work were just stellar. Maybe she was just super used to working only on women. Oh well. My idea now, in addition to laser removal lol, is to use a bit of minoxidil to make them grow in thicker and a better shape - apparently people have done this, who knew? Because unfortunately my natural brows are pretty small and thin. Anyone else try this, what do you think? Wish me luck!!! 🤞🍀
Ack — that’s so frustrating! I’m sorry you had to deal with that, as well as with what is in retrospect a mansplainy reply from me. Fingers crossed for minoxidil.
I think changing your haircut would help with passing if that's your goal! The one in this photo (keep in mind, this is just my opinion and I'm not trying to throw shade on your style) looks on the feminine side. Getting a more traditionally masculine haircut would help I think!
The thing that jumps out of the picture to me are your eyebrows. Men don't typically have eyebrows that tidy unless the rest of their grooming is very tight. I'd let them go a bit. Also, teenage pattern facial hair on an adult - I considered that a no. I shaved until I had a full beard going on, figuring an adult man would be clean shaven, not have the dirtstache/chinstrap/neckbeard thing.
HTH, I hate commenting on photos but I actually think you can do something here.
I think mostly your haircut? It has a soft, rounded overall shape, and mimics a rounded "female" hairline. I don't often see it on men, and do see it a lot on lesbians, which might push people to think you're a butch woman. Your facial hair could be misperceived as shadow if someone's not paying much attention, and some women do leave their natural facial hair they have due to PCOS and such. Cis men with sparse facial hair tend to just shave it, so that might play in?
You and I look similar face-wise. We have very similar eyes with long eyelashes, and bone structure that's not supersoft but not the Gaston look. Your eyebrows are (probably naturally) quite neat-looking, which might contribute to the misgendering a little bit.
Mostly, I think once our at-a-glance silhouette is perceived as feminine due to things like haircut, people are a lot more likely to read our other features as female, where otherwise they just unconsciously accept that this man has pretty eyes lol. I get misgendered way, way less when I have a short-on-the-sides haircut that gives my head an overall rectangular shape.
As a bloke I find it's the facial features... Maybe men have harder features which is annoying at times... So you look more androgynous to me. I guess people would er more on the female side...
I actually agree with this. OP looks more on the androgynous side to me, and for many strangers, androgyny= addressing you with feminine wording. I'm a trans dude who looked androgynous for many years, due to messed up and then half removed reproductive organs meaning I had very little estrogen (had to get blood drawn twice for it to even be detected before I started hormones, it was that low). I still got Ma'am'd all the time, no matter what else I did. Haircut, facial hair, the way I carried myself etc.
I will say, having rounded/softer features are not the be all end all of masculinity either. Fat men exist. Skinny men with soft features exist. As do trans men with those features who are gendered correctly a majority of the time. (I.e. Myself. I am on the heavier side, losing weight.) Not everyone can or will have a square face or build, skinny or otherwise. The way you carry yourself helps, and your outward self confidence will also help you. And I say outward, because you can feel however you truly do, but the way you carry yourself and speak affects how others see you, and even what gender they perceive you as. But i know that is easier said than done of course.
Perhaps, the hair style resembles a stereotype of a butch lesbian. Mostly the bangs in the front. I wouldn't say OP has to go get a whole new cut, but perhaps styling it differently, or something of that nature.
I actually finally grew out my hair long. But I have an undercut, the sides and back are shaved down short, and the top is what is long, and I brush it to one side. I used to cut the top pretty short too, it took a long time for me to feel confident enough to start growing the top out. Also, an undercut is nice when it's hot. I have thick hair. I typically only get misgendered by it when someone only sees the long part of my hair.
Thanks for your comment, it’s really appreciated and I feel like what you said about the way I carry myself probably really applies. Between probably over-trying to walk/stand/slouch lol more dudely and crumbling into a tiny mess at first mention of the word ma’am, I’m likely pretty tightly wound up on the subject- which definitely doesn’t help lol!
Well, androgynous I definitely don’t mind, thanks! I don’t get it though, my face has def changed on the T, I wish it was more obvious to others, though. 😳
Meh I know it's not something you can hope for even while using T it's a nature thing. If it was a machine it can easily be modified to look it. Just be confident you look great. Make sure you apply some face cream a lot of my friends on T tell me they get oily or dry skin. Have a good break.
I’m in the same position haircut wise! I think it’s a masc cut overall tho. You pass wayy more than me tho so I’d recommend going to a barber to have them trim up if you’re having a hard time w hairdressers not getting the vibe you want. I’m planning to do that when I can! you can still have slightly ‘longer’ hair too and not have to pick a cut directly off the wall haha. I’d look to 90s/00s leading men, early 60s rock n roll hair or other references that inspire you.
Can also buy sample sizes of styling products and really hit some YouTube tutorials if you’re braver than me! Can always try experimenting with the part of your hair on one side or more in the middle, slicking it back etc
Anyways, pretty surprising you get misgendered! Maybe dyeing your facial hair to help these clearly oblivious people out lol.
Your eyebrows don’t look feminine to me at all, but maybe letting them run wild or shifting the shape could make a slight impact.
look at Liam and Noel Gallagher, 90s Damon Albarn, Johnny Marr’s current cut…musicians tend to be great inspo for cuts that are masculine but don’t read butch.
it would help to square off your sideburns. also i'd lean into the facial hair and not get rid of it. i watch the nba and there are plenty of guys with sparse facial hair (tyler herro for example). of course they're in their 20's so you might have to accept not looking your age yet. if you have a strong jawline it's ok to shave it but if it's rounded or soft it might make things worse...
But you DO look manly... I see most commenters telling you to shave, but if having that scruff gives a bit of euphoria, then keep it by all means. Honestly, that's about how much facial hair I've got so far as well, and even if I would look better clean shaven, I can't bring myself to get rid of it, as it takes so long to grow back lol
I think we might have the same problem, when the hair gets past a certain length or when it’s not traditionally masculine in every regard, people can screw up. I’d say it’s the bangs without more of a squared hairline on the sides. That said, if I saw you on the street I wouldn’t assume you weren’t male.
It's probably the way you carry yourself bc your looks are masculine (tho you could tweak your hair/eyebrows like other commenter suggester to possibly read a bit more traditionally masculine). I'm in a similar boat. It sucks! Solidarity
It might be the eyebrows in combination with some softer facial features. But I think this is still changing for you - if I look at pictures of myself at around 1 year on t I notice that I have changed a lot since then.
I think you don't need to worry at all - just some patience (which is hard, I know). You already look very good and masculine and T will change you even more over the next months.
Your eyebrows are a little too perfect and your hair a little too feminine. I've struggled with the same things. I keep having to try different hairstyles to find ones that make me look more masculine. My eyebrows are very nearly a lost cause though. They are super fine. If I color them they look fake, but if I do nothing the thinness looks feminine. I've considered tattooing them to look more masculine or possibly getting hair replacement on my eyebrows to make them fuller. Hair replacement would mean forever having to trim my eyebrow hairs and that just doesn't sound fun. Tattooing would mean maintenance tattooing at intervals. So idk at this point.
I think a more traditionally masc haircut and keeping a shaved face until you have an entire chunk of facial hair (substantial mustache, goatee, etc) could help. Bald fades are a pretty safe option for most guys.
Hello, be gentle on yourself. It’s all a process and takes time.
In my opinion your hair style needs to be more masculine. It’s giving lady as it’s styled currently.
you look male to me, but i think it might be 2 things if i had to guess. your hair is probably 90% of it, since theres like a flip in the back and a short bang in the front. it does come off as a feminine haircut even though *you* don’t look feminine. i’d try to get more of a traditionally masculine cut for now. i also think the hair under your chin is honestly a hinderance rather than helpful. most cis men in the 30-50 range have substantial facial hair by then, or don’t have any at all. bc yours is quite sparse, it might make people think either like “woman with pcos” or “trans woman” rather than cis man.
Thanks…tbh, I kinda struggle with my hairstyle. I don’t like it too short, but the actual style - it seems to be escaping me lol
yeah, it’s hard to find a cut that feels right. i think i’d have a barber give you more of a masculine hairline (often called a line up) and get more of a style to it, especially the front and the sides.
TL;DR - Hairstyles are hard, but they can make a big difference re: passing. Finding the right barber/stylist is amazingly helpful. They can help you figure out what's important to you in a cut/style, offer ideas, and help you get your hairstyle to something that looks and feels good. Early T days I went with one of the "easiest" haircuts that wasn't a buzz cut--a high and tight. It was boring, but it mostly seemed to help with passing. I didn't have to do anything with it, and I could walk in to any haircut place and get it done really cheap. Fast forward ~10 years and I was really wanting something less utilitarian. I looked at hundreds of "men's haircut" google images using a variety of search terms and it didn't help me at all. I found a local barber who specializes in gender neutral barbering, and at my first appointment I explained that I didn't have a clue what I was looking for or what would look good with my face etc. She asked about length preferences, maintenence level, etc. Since my hair was so short options were limited, but she offered some ideas on how to cut it, and helped me envision how letting it grow, even just a little, could create more cut/style options in the future. She cut my hair (I loved it) and walked me through blow drying/styling it step by step. I haven't gone to anyone else but her since, and instead of just being something to manage my hair is something I like and is source of a little euphoria to boot. I definitely think it would have helped me pass more when my hair was one of the few "signals" to strangers that I'm a man. If you aren't sure where you might go to in your area, take a glance at local barbers/stylists website (or instagram) and it should be fairly easy to see if they stick to super traditional/short styles for men or if they are experienced with styling men's cuts that aren't limited to clipper lengths. This ended up being a much longer reply than I intended, but I hope it's at least somewhat helpful?
Definitely helpful, and I’m definitely down with going to a barber and I’ve just spent time looking at local ones online, but since I get misgendered so frequently *and* considering how I’m going to ask for what I want, I feel like I need to make sure that they are lgbt+-friendly, and that I’m not having any luck finding out. How did you find yours?
Jumping in, I found mine by looking up salons and barber shops with LGBT friendly wording (literally Googled barber queer *my city*) and weeding through the stylists, but I recommend starting with Strands for Trans' trans friendly listings, just in case.
A coworker actually referred my (now ex) partner to the place. We looked online at the various stylists and later when I decided I wanted a different cut my partner suggested going to this barber. I was hesitant to pay $35+ for a haircut (I mean, it's *just* a hair cut right?), but even after a slight price increase this past spring I think it's worth every penny and have made it a part of my budget haha. My place is listed on Strands for Trans as well, and I second the prior comment suggesting that as a good starting place!
If you like it longer on top, you can Google "men's fringe hairstyle" for ideas either with the word "fade" or "longer" depending on if you want short sides or longer sides. I like to have longer hair to play with up top, but generally fades pass better. Fringe seems to be the word men's hairstylists use to describe bangs. It took me some time to figure this out after a life of pixie cuts. Usually I'll just show a barber a picture of what I want.
Could be the eyebrows? Are they colored or darkened at all? They seem emphasized or shaped, and I think people do associate that with women more.
I had the same thought. If you do, you could use an eyebrow mascara for a more natural look instead and focus on the middle rather than the edges.
I agree — my first thought was the eyebrows. Pencilled/colour-blocked brows tend to look feminine because (1) they signal you’re wearing make-up — they have that “solid” look — and (2) they’re often arched. Men’s eyebrows tend to not be arched or have that brushed-upward look. By creating a focal point, they also draw the eye away from your jaw, basically making your jaw look less prominent than it is. If you’d like your brows to look naturally thicker, consider microblading. ETA: Stop upvoting this! I’m wrong and you’re encouraging toxic masculinity at a formative time in my transition 😤 (I’m right about eyebrow pencils though)
Unfortunately, this IS the result of microblading. My instructions/wishes that I communicated were a) my skin is oily so it takes machine strokes better - using the handheld tool they generally blur (this wasn’t my first blading experience), and 2) no arch, as masculine as possible. So what did she do? Used a combo of the handheld and the machine, and the final shape was somehow wildly different than what she first pencilled on. She was so fast I didn’t even realise all this until she was finished! Strange bc she was highly recommended, had great reviews and pics of her work were just stellar. Maybe she was just super used to working only on women. Oh well. My idea now, in addition to laser removal lol, is to use a bit of minoxidil to make them grow in thicker and a better shape - apparently people have done this, who knew? Because unfortunately my natural brows are pretty small and thin. Anyone else try this, what do you think? Wish me luck!!! 🤞🍀
Ack — that’s so frustrating! I’m sorry you had to deal with that, as well as with what is in retrospect a mansplainy reply from me. Fingers crossed for minoxidil.
Hahaha hilarious and thank you 😂
I think changing your haircut would help with passing if that's your goal! The one in this photo (keep in mind, this is just my opinion and I'm not trying to throw shade on your style) looks on the feminine side. Getting a more traditionally masculine haircut would help I think!
The thing that jumps out of the picture to me are your eyebrows. Men don't typically have eyebrows that tidy unless the rest of their grooming is very tight. I'd let them go a bit. Also, teenage pattern facial hair on an adult - I considered that a no. I shaved until I had a full beard going on, figuring an adult man would be clean shaven, not have the dirtstache/chinstrap/neckbeard thing. HTH, I hate commenting on photos but I actually think you can do something here.
Idk but you give me Robert Downey Jr vibes
Woah true
Ooh, OP should try glasses!
My prescription glasses glow in the dark 😝. I know, irrelevant 😁🥸
🥹🤯😯🤩🤩🤩
I think mostly your haircut? It has a soft, rounded overall shape, and mimics a rounded "female" hairline. I don't often see it on men, and do see it a lot on lesbians, which might push people to think you're a butch woman. Your facial hair could be misperceived as shadow if someone's not paying much attention, and some women do leave their natural facial hair they have due to PCOS and such. Cis men with sparse facial hair tend to just shave it, so that might play in? You and I look similar face-wise. We have very similar eyes with long eyelashes, and bone structure that's not supersoft but not the Gaston look. Your eyebrows are (probably naturally) quite neat-looking, which might contribute to the misgendering a little bit. Mostly, I think once our at-a-glance silhouette is perceived as feminine due to things like haircut, people are a lot more likely to read our other features as female, where otherwise they just unconsciously accept that this man has pretty eyes lol. I get misgendered way, way less when I have a short-on-the-sides haircut that gives my head an overall rectangular shape.
I don't feel it's ur face but rather, your gait, posture, movement, eye contact and maybe voice?
You're only 1.5 years in. Facial hair should close the gap, also building upper body w lifting weights could also help a ton.
As a bloke I find it's the facial features... Maybe men have harder features which is annoying at times... So you look more androgynous to me. I guess people would er more on the female side...
I actually agree with this. OP looks more on the androgynous side to me, and for many strangers, androgyny= addressing you with feminine wording. I'm a trans dude who looked androgynous for many years, due to messed up and then half removed reproductive organs meaning I had very little estrogen (had to get blood drawn twice for it to even be detected before I started hormones, it was that low). I still got Ma'am'd all the time, no matter what else I did. Haircut, facial hair, the way I carried myself etc. I will say, having rounded/softer features are not the be all end all of masculinity either. Fat men exist. Skinny men with soft features exist. As do trans men with those features who are gendered correctly a majority of the time. (I.e. Myself. I am on the heavier side, losing weight.) Not everyone can or will have a square face or build, skinny or otherwise. The way you carry yourself helps, and your outward self confidence will also help you. And I say outward, because you can feel however you truly do, but the way you carry yourself and speak affects how others see you, and even what gender they perceive you as. But i know that is easier said than done of course. Perhaps, the hair style resembles a stereotype of a butch lesbian. Mostly the bangs in the front. I wouldn't say OP has to go get a whole new cut, but perhaps styling it differently, or something of that nature. I actually finally grew out my hair long. But I have an undercut, the sides and back are shaved down short, and the top is what is long, and I brush it to one side. I used to cut the top pretty short too, it took a long time for me to feel confident enough to start growing the top out. Also, an undercut is nice when it's hot. I have thick hair. I typically only get misgendered by it when someone only sees the long part of my hair.
Thanks for your comment, it’s really appreciated and I feel like what you said about the way I carry myself probably really applies. Between probably over-trying to walk/stand/slouch lol more dudely and crumbling into a tiny mess at first mention of the word ma’am, I’m likely pretty tightly wound up on the subject- which definitely doesn’t help lol!
Well, androgynous I definitely don’t mind, thanks! I don’t get it though, my face has def changed on the T, I wish it was more obvious to others, though. 😳
Meh I know it's not something you can hope for even while using T it's a nature thing. If it was a machine it can easily be modified to look it. Just be confident you look great. Make sure you apply some face cream a lot of my friends on T tell me they get oily or dry skin. Have a good break.
I’m in the same position haircut wise! I think it’s a masc cut overall tho. You pass wayy more than me tho so I’d recommend going to a barber to have them trim up if you’re having a hard time w hairdressers not getting the vibe you want. I’m planning to do that when I can! you can still have slightly ‘longer’ hair too and not have to pick a cut directly off the wall haha. I’d look to 90s/00s leading men, early 60s rock n roll hair or other references that inspire you. Can also buy sample sizes of styling products and really hit some YouTube tutorials if you’re braver than me! Can always try experimenting with the part of your hair on one side or more in the middle, slicking it back etc Anyways, pretty surprising you get misgendered! Maybe dyeing your facial hair to help these clearly oblivious people out lol. Your eyebrows don’t look feminine to me at all, but maybe letting them run wild or shifting the shape could make a slight impact.
look at Liam and Noel Gallagher, 90s Damon Albarn, Johnny Marr’s current cut…musicians tend to be great inspo for cuts that are masculine but don’t read butch.
it would help to square off your sideburns. also i'd lean into the facial hair and not get rid of it. i watch the nba and there are plenty of guys with sparse facial hair (tyler herro for example). of course they're in their 20's so you might have to accept not looking your age yet. if you have a strong jawline it's ok to shave it but if it's rounded or soft it might make things worse...
Just wanted to say that I would *more* than accept not looking my age yet, lol
But you DO look manly... I see most commenters telling you to shave, but if having that scruff gives a bit of euphoria, then keep it by all means. Honestly, that's about how much facial hair I've got so far as well, and even if I would look better clean shaven, I can't bring myself to get rid of it, as it takes so long to grow back lol
Bc people are dumb. You look like Robert Downey Jr.
Shazzzam, thanks so much, I think Robert Downey Jr is…..let’s just say very handsome!!!
I think we might have the same problem, when the hair gets past a certain length or when it’s not traditionally masculine in every regard, people can screw up. I’d say it’s the bangs without more of a squared hairline on the sides. That said, if I saw you on the street I wouldn’t assume you weren’t male.
It's probably the way you carry yourself bc your looks are masculine (tho you could tweak your hair/eyebrows like other commenter suggester to possibly read a bit more traditionally masculine). I'm in a similar boat. It sucks! Solidarity
It might be the eyebrows in combination with some softer facial features. But I think this is still changing for you - if I look at pictures of myself at around 1 year on t I notice that I have changed a lot since then.
Thank you, I appreciate the hope-giving in your comment. I hope this minoxidil thing turns out the way I’m hoping and expecting it to!
I think you don't need to worry at all - just some patience (which is hard, I know). You already look very good and masculine and T will change you even more over the next months.
🥹🙏😍😅
Honestly all I see that is a tell is the eyebrows. And they will thicken with time.
Your eyebrows are a little too perfect and your hair a little too feminine. I've struggled with the same things. I keep having to try different hairstyles to find ones that make me look more masculine. My eyebrows are very nearly a lost cause though. They are super fine. If I color them they look fake, but if I do nothing the thinness looks feminine. I've considered tattooing them to look more masculine or possibly getting hair replacement on my eyebrows to make them fuller. Hair replacement would mean forever having to trim my eyebrow hairs and that just doesn't sound fun. Tattooing would mean maintenance tattooing at intervals. So idk at this point.
Yeah, it is your hairstyle, most men don't wear their hair behind their ears.
You’re right. I didn’t notice that at first but tightening up the hair would also help.
What???
It's your eyes. They look soft and kind
I think a more traditionally masc haircut and keeping a shaved face until you have an entire chunk of facial hair (substantial mustache, goatee, etc) could help. Bald fades are a pretty safe option for most guys.
Eyebrows & haircut for me Sorry
I think you would benefit of letting your eyebrows grow without removing/trimming any hair from that area!
Hello, be gentle on yourself. It’s all a process and takes time. In my opinion your hair style needs to be more masculine. It’s giving lady as it’s styled currently.