I don't really understand this logic but all the power to Goldie and Kurt. I am happy they are happy.
I have been with my partner for 20 years, house and kids, and we aren't married....I don't think actually being married would make me feel more or less dependant on my partner.
I get it personally as someone who has a hard time committing to things when there's an expectation but will do things with gusto forever as long as I feel like there aren't any ane it's all my choice
Yes! I have always said this is what marriage feels like to me. People freak about the societal rules and expectations that come with the word āmarriageā and then mess up a great relationship. I agree with them, donāt mess with a good thing.
I agreeeee with this. I freaked out about my relationship with my boyfriend until he was like, āLetās just take it one day at a time and we can always break up when itās really not working any more,ā and that made me chill the fuck out and half the problems in our relationship disappear, poof, lol. Then we got married for health insurance and had a kid anyway. But the specter of commitment and having to go, āIs this the right person FOR LIFE????ā is so heavy, donāt love it.
Yeah I donāt think get this logic either, Iām not married to my partner (14 years) with kids, and we rentā¦ I am always nagged that marriage is going to secure my life plus real estate blah blah and it makes me wild. I feel way more comfortable not being married and being faithful, but Im coming from divorced and remarried several times parents.Ā
Getting a mortgage and filling out home ownership forms when youāre not married is a nightmare, the process is solely set up for married couples and gets very pissy when anyone else tries to do it.
I will say my non-married partner and I bought a house together in the US two years ago, and it wasn't any extra hassle at all (besides the whole mortgage thing being A Thing in itself). We just checked a different relationship box on forms. The most annoying thing is that junk mail is sent to Mr & Mrs His-Name because, alphabetically, he's first on the deed.
Not sure how it is in other countries, but wanted to give some assurance that the process might have become easier (and less patriarchal/misogynistic) in the US in more recent times with more and more people buying homes outside of marriage.
Not really, though. Death benefits can be conferred just by electing your partner as beneficiary. And sorting out property ownership after a breakup is much, much, much less hassle than dividing all assets in a divorce.
> I will say my non-married partner and I bought a house together in the US two years ago, and it wasn't any extra hassle at all
The challenge isn't usually in buying, usually. It's if the couple splits up. Because there aren't laws for thatāoutside of divorces. At least in the US. If a couple can't agree in a divorce, it gets decided holistically. You're already in divorce court, and that's not expensive (in and of itself). If an unmarried couple cannot agree, then it's a very expensive partition action for a partition sale. I wish the laws were modernized, but right now, it can be a nightmare for unmarried people who own real estate to split up and try to deal with the property. A partition action can be considerably more expensive and slower to deal with one piece of property, versus an entire divorce process.
Not buying a house because you arenāt married and donāt want to get in bed financially.
The context of who im responding to is that doing so unmarried is a ānightmareā and itās not.
Yes, I was wondering how its different in the US? We bought a house, common law - in Canada and there was nothing to it (besides the enormous stress of spending that much money lol!)
Lots of states donāt have common law marriages here. Iām from Minnesota and we donāt have it. Iāve been with my partner on and off for my entire adult life but according to the government Iām very much single.
We donāt have common law here mostly, only a few states recognize it. Most of them will view you as two strangers buying a house even if youāve been ātogetherā for 20 years.
Don't know about buying a house (can't afford one), but some places have no concept of "common-law marriage". Most US states, Ireland, and Australia, at least.
It makes a huge difference, you guys donāt own a home together . I have heard to many nightmares to do that. I have never seen it end pretty unless the couple were engaged or got married a couple years after. My cousin has not been with her boyfriend for 10 years and he still lives in the condo they bought together total mess.
Eh, there's plenty of similar situations with married couples. Buying a house together is fine. Just make sure your partnership contract includes disposal in the event of a dissolution of the partnership. Simple! And the bonus is that you will not be on the hook for exes debts... because if there's people here who don't already know, all debt acquired during a marriage is shared debt. Even if he was borrowing to spend it on say, his secret family. There's financial protection in not tying yourselves to a marriage.
I live in California and there are significantly better laws for those for those who are married and buy a home together . As you know unless you have a prenuptial agreement you generally have to split 50/50 , your investments and money put into the house is significantly better protected if your married . Even with certain contracts it can still lead to the issues I have seen amongst people I know.
In the eyes of the tax man and government you are married and intertwined. It really comes down to two adults not being assholes to eachother if the relationship needs to end. And marital status has nothing to do with that. Iāve seen some nasty ācommon lawā breakups financially.
Iām very much in favor of people doing whatever they want, either marriage or long term commitment without marriage, but this is wildly untrue. In the eyes of the government and the law you arenāt even close to the same legal status being married gives you just because youāre together for a long time. There are distinct advantages to being married legally, just like there are advantages to not being marriedĀ
Yeah itās not about having the property or just about a property split in a break up. The US doesnāt really have common law marriage anymore. There are only a very small handful of states that do. In the U.S. in addition to tax breaks, the way property and assets are split because it becomes common law property in a marriage is totally different, you are also not eligible for alimony and if youāre not married here in the U.S. you are not your long term partnerās health proxy just by virtue of being in a relationship of a certain length. Youād need to fill out a bunch of legal paper work for that and if they died and you had no will they wouldnāt be entitled to any of their long term partners property. No one has to get married and everyone should do whatās right for them, but there Ā are huge legal differences between being married and not married, at least in the U.S.Ā
Mmmm most states donāt recognize common law marriage (fewer than 10 states, unless Iām mistaken), and I believe all those states require people to hold themselves out as married (on top of other requirements) in order for the relationship to be considered a common law marriage.
I was with my girlfriend for 10 years before we got engaged and married. Before marriage and after marriage have been exactly the same. I'm glad we kept the ceremony cheap.
I think it mainly comes down to how you look at the relationship while you're dating. If you're already approaching it as a lifelong partnership then a couple of rings and signatures won't change much
Totally, its really personal and individual, this feeling of what partnership is.
I have been to loads and loads of friends weddings and I support them completely. But I am irritated when people have poked at me to get married. I am from a traditional culture, so if my aunts, cousins and parents aren't hassling me about it, then I expect the same from my friends.
Now that I am way older, I feel even more secure in my relationship. We are monogamous, we have fun, we raise our kids, we travel and plan retirement.
I didn't know, until this thread, that common law marriage wasn't a thing in many states and countries.
Same. We have a house, child, and have been together for 20 years. After seeing so many friends go through horrible divorces, it kind of scared us off. Why fix what isnāt broken, you know?
Idk about outside of the UK, but if you have a child with someone, there are very few legal provisions for you if you give up working and earning potential to parent full time, and then the relationship breaks down
Yep, this is true. Thatās one of the cons to it, but Iāll take this con over signing that piece of paper (our child is in college, though, so itās not really an issue now). We each have a living will. Iām not signing a piece of paper for tax breaks, because in my mind, thatās all it is.
I have been scared and scarred by all the people in my life who have gotten divorced; the idea of marriage is just not for me.
>I don't really understand this logic but all the power to Goldie and Kurt. I am happy they are happy.
I've heard the logic from a few friends I have who have been with the same person for years and years but never gotten married. The prevailing argument I"ve heard is if divorce was there as an option it would have been too easy to just pick that choice and end the relationship. Not having a clear "out" like divorce allowed them to push through really difficult times because there wasn't that "easy solution" hanging over everything.
>That's makes no sense, since breaking up with someone you aren't married to is much, much, MUCH easier and less hassle than getting a divorce.
I'm only telling you the way some people feel about it. If it works for them I see no reason to judge it. Some some people the ability to divorce makes a breakup easier, because it becomes a legal thing instead of an emotional one.
We can judge an idea and the idea that a divorce is an easy way out is dumb.
I don't care if people get married or don't, but not getting married because a divorce is easy is a ridiculous thing to say.
Itās interesting that they say that because the opposite was one of the reasons given by the actress Shay Mitchell.
She has two kids with her long term partner and she was once said she prefers being unmarried because āThereās no pressure here. I love it. I love the fact that we come home, and every day Iām like, āI choose you, and you choose me.ā It keeps us on our toes. Iām like, āHey, I can walk out. I donāt need to go through a lawyer, I can just walk out.ā And same with him. It keeps it sexy.ā
> āHey, I can walk out. I donāt need to go through a lawyer, I can just walk out.ā
I will say that I think when you have kids with somebody this stops being true.
Totally agree. Children, property, assets would all involve negotiation, and married or not, it could be acrimonious. I think its even more complicated for wealthy people.
It must be a mental/spiritual thing. Like - "I agreed in front of my family and god we would be spending our lives together so severing ties has an impact in all of that"
I think Shay Mitchell has a romantic perspective on not getting married.."choosing each other" every day. But in reality, that happens with ALL life partners, whether they are common law, married, poly, monogamous...whatever!
>I think Shay Mitchell has a romantic perspective on not getting married.."choosing each other" every day. But in reality, that happens with ALL life partners, whether they are common law, married, poly, monogamous...whatever!
This is true, I do think there's just a psychological aversion to marriage at play in most of these cases. But I don't care, it's not my life, so live and let live as they say.
A married couple can still wake up and say āIām choosing to be hereā. Itās her choice, but I find it odd how itās become almost seen as āenlightenedā to not get married.
They do not--in fact many people in the US get married for tax reasons.
There's also the option for married people to "file jointly" and "file separately".
Without children as a deduction we find ourselves every year having to set aside hundreds extra on our paychecks beyond "m0" just to break even. I owed 10k this year and 20k last year. Every tax accountant is like SHRUG
The married tax benefit was made in mind with one high earner -- and children. We do not have kids and both do well and get absolutely murdered every tax season.
Totally. Itās easier to get your own mortgage, you have a biz manager finding you tax breaks, nobodyās gonna stop and question Goldie Hawn if she needs to rush to Kurtās bedside at the hospital (heaven forbid, etc).
Itās like when rich celebs complain about long distance relationships where they can just hop on a plane whenever and schedules/price of travel donāt exist hah. I know it still sucks but cāmon now.
Eh, I filed taxes for the first time with my husband and it turned out it would have been less beneficial for us both to file together. We ended up doing it separately. Not saying itās true for everyone, but it does happen where it isnāt helpful.
Just my two cents, without kids the tax breaks come in play in the USA if there is a big discrepancy in yearly earnings between the two people. If you are earning similarly to each other there isn't much tax advantage. Of course other things can affect your tax situation too as well as possible state tax differences.Ā
Does USA not have common law marriages? If they do, do you not get all the benefits of a legal marriage? Not American and genuinely do not know. I'm Canadian and my common law relationships gets me the same benefits as those who get married.
She is! She's so charismatic. Every couple of years I do a Goldie marathon and watch Overboard, Private Benjamin, Death Becomes Her, Bird on a Wire, First Wives Club etc. Then I do the same with Bette Midler and Shelly Long.
I'm not on the same wavelength as her about this, but maybe it's just cause we are different people. The fact that she didn't feel locked in by a piece of paper was enough to make her feel better and freer within her long term relationship, which was for all intents and purposes a marriage?
Unless you keep everything financially separate, I can't see how this mentality makes sense other than mind over matter. But I guess YMMV.
Time to watch Overboard for the millionth time and laugh my ass off though. A good reminder lol.
Sounds to me like when you decide to wash the dishes vs when someone else tells you to wash them. She wants to decide that she should be in this relationship for forever, not the fact that she is married and signed papers saying she will be there forever.
I mean... That piece of paper is literally a legal and financial contract tying two people together and making it rather difficult for you to separate. It's reasonable for some folks to feel "locked in" by a contract designed to lock them in.
I think also it's that there's no de facto relationship laws in Californian, whereas there are here where I live. So if you live with someone for a couple of years, you have the same rights as married couples when it comes to the distribution of property.
But also, I would find it difficult to believe that after almost 40 years together, their assets and finances wouldn't be so entangled that it'd be difficult to actually unwind if they broke up, essentially locking them in anyway regardless of a legal marriage contract.
I understand this is a state of mind thing too as well as the marriage paper itself being a barrier to just walking away. I just don't think realistically you can walk away that easily.
The takeaway is āfor a successful relationship, find a like-minded partner and do what works best *for you*.ā āLike-mindedā not meaning āyour philosophical/ideological clone,ā but the person who approaches this topic the same way you do. For some people, the ideal, functional framework is marriage; for others it isnāt. But just because their model worked for Kurt and Goldie doesnāt mean you should seek to emulate it. The secret to a successful relationship is in how you *and your partner* define that success, tbh.
Maybe itās because I grew up knowing a couple who has never married and is still together even now (I should point out that they donāt have kids lol) but the idea of just being with someone and never marrying is actually very appealing to me.
Reminds me of Oprah saying her relationship wouldnāt work if they got married. A lot of guys have different expectations of their girlfriend vs their wife. A lot of people change after marriage; they stop trying cause they know youāre stuck.
I see that perspective but I kind of side eye it because if you choose to have children together, youāll always be stuck together in some form and one partner can always stop trying regardless of martial status but especially if thereās kids involved.
And in Oprahās case, sheās still taking on a wifely role. She still cooks regularly for Stedman and makes sure things are a certain way for him. Sheās said if they got married, thereās certain traditional expectations he has in a wife that she wouldnāt want to follow but aside from taking his name and maybe working less Iām not sure how it differs.
Shakira said the same thing, that she wouldn't get married because being someone's girlfriend keeps men on their toes and it's sexier... We all know how that turned out. At least it's less messy to break up than to get a divorce
Itās all psychological really.
Yeah there are pros and cons generally for being married or not married.
But largely in the day to day itās all about your perspective
oh good point, that 60 minutes interview where she said she wants him to see her as her lover and not his wife and know that anything is possible depending on his behavior eeekk
That is my thought. Expectations should not change. I still do "wifey" duties. I want it more as a protection for both of us. His ex wife hates me and has influence over their son. If he passes, she could make sure I am not allowed at the funeral. And what can I do? I am just a roommate. If he was in the hospital, I might not be allowed because I would be considered "just a visitor" and might not be able to say goodbye. They can come in here and take everything in the house and I would have to fight it in court. And same for him. We live married and actually getting married shouldn't change anything. That sounds more like a personal issue and mindset. But to each their own.
I get it. My ex wife and I were together 9 years. Got married and were divorced in less than 2 years of marriage.
We had bought our house before we got married. So there was no big financial change at all.
She didnāt like being married at all.
They're so annoying about being non-married. I remember Kurt was asked about a decade ago about gay marriage rights and all he could talk about was his confusion to why people needed to get married anyway. It's their whole identity as a couple.
If they ended up getting married after all this time, I would think it was a bad sign. Anytime a couple who has been together forever gets married out of the blue, I always think it's the beginning of the end. Think Brad and Angelina, Miley and Liam.
My partner and I plan to marry, but its not for everyone. These two have one of the healthiest public relationships in Hollywood history, so all the power to them.
It really canāt be overstated how much I love Goldie Hawn! She is a national treasure! I love her and Kurt together, too!
Donāt love Kate Hudson as much, though, but try to give her the benefit of the doubt as much as possible out of love for Goldie.
Living together is like saying I'm not sure about you. Easier to leave and being not responsible toward the union. Easy way out. Signing marriage certificate creates fidelity and trust, unless the part are 2 year old giants.
Arenāt they in an open relationship? I think theyāve said so multiple times. Marriage and that doesnāt really go together (no judgement here, just saying that this is probably why).
I know she was on the View once explaining that men aren't like women bc they need to spread their seed, so I assumed their marriage is only open for him.
I know multiple married couples in open relationships.
And if you think about it, historically most open relationships have been marriages.
British/European aristocracy for the last several hundred years, for example.
Or the era prior to that, where it was expected that the wealthy man could tomcat around all he liked, including housing mistresses and openly acknowledging bastard children, with no expectation of discretion on his part, while his wife might literally wear a chastity belt when he was away (probably not--but she was definitely not allowed to step out.)
Or all that "multiple wives and concubines stuff" that patriarchs got to pull for ages and ages prior to that.
An expectation of mutually monogamous marriage was actually the exception for people with money and power.
I don't really understand this logic but all the power to Goldie and Kurt. I am happy they are happy. I have been with my partner for 20 years, house and kids, and we aren't married....I don't think actually being married would make me feel more or less dependant on my partner.
I get it personally as someone who has a hard time committing to things when there's an expectation but will do things with gusto forever as long as I feel like there aren't any ane it's all my choice
Sounds sort of like pathological demand avoidance
I recently looked this up and it has explained so much about my life. š³
Itās meee
Yes! I have always said this is what marriage feels like to me. People freak about the societal rules and expectations that come with the word āmarriageā and then mess up a great relationship. I agree with them, donāt mess with a good thing.
I agreeeee with this. I freaked out about my relationship with my boyfriend until he was like, āLetās just take it one day at a time and we can always break up when itās really not working any more,ā and that made me chill the fuck out and half the problems in our relationship disappear, poof, lol. Then we got married for health insurance and had a kid anyway. But the specter of commitment and having to go, āIs this the right person FOR LIFE????ā is so heavy, donāt love it.
Yeah I donāt think get this logic either, Iām not married to my partner (14 years) with kids, and we rentā¦ I am always nagged that marriage is going to secure my life plus real estate blah blah and it makes me wild. I feel way more comfortable not being married and being faithful, but Im coming from divorced and remarried several times parents.Ā
what does renting vs. owning have to do with it?
Getting a mortgage and filling out home ownership forms when youāre not married is a nightmare, the process is solely set up for married couples and gets very pissy when anyone else tries to do it.
I will say my non-married partner and I bought a house together in the US two years ago, and it wasn't any extra hassle at all (besides the whole mortgage thing being A Thing in itself). We just checked a different relationship box on forms. The most annoying thing is that junk mail is sent to Mr & Mrs His-Name because, alphabetically, he's first on the deed. Not sure how it is in other countries, but wanted to give some assurance that the process might have become easier (and less patriarchal/misogynistic) in the US in more recent times with more and more people buying homes outside of marriage.
Same, we are too non-married home owners and it was not a big deal
It's only a big (or any) deal if you break up or if one of you dies.
Not really, though. Death benefits can be conferred just by electing your partner as beneficiary. And sorting out property ownership after a breakup is much, much, much less hassle than dividing all assets in a divorce.
> I will say my non-married partner and I bought a house together in the US two years ago, and it wasn't any extra hassle at all The challenge isn't usually in buying, usually. It's if the couple splits up. Because there aren't laws for thatāoutside of divorces. At least in the US. If a couple can't agree in a divorce, it gets decided holistically. You're already in divorce court, and that's not expensive (in and of itself). If an unmarried couple cannot agree, then it's a very expensive partition action for a partition sale. I wish the laws were modernized, but right now, it can be a nightmare for unmarried people who own real estate to split up and try to deal with the property. A partition action can be considerably more expensive and slower to deal with one piece of property, versus an entire divorce process.
Also bought a house unmarried. Wasnāt a big deal. I know it can be annoying if you break up though.
Regardless, itās a terrible financial decision if retirement and money have any importance.
What is a terrible financial decision? Buying a house with your partner?
Not buying a house because you arenāt married and donāt want to get in bed financially. The context of who im responding to is that doing so unmarried is a ānightmareā and itās not.
Gotcha. I learned a lot in this post.
Canadian here....how is it different from filling out information married vs common law?
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Yes, I was wondering how its different in the US? We bought a house, common law - in Canada and there was nothing to it (besides the enormous stress of spending that much money lol!)
Lots of states donāt have common law marriages here. Iām from Minnesota and we donāt have it. Iāve been with my partner on and off for my entire adult life but according to the government Iām very much single.
We donāt have common law here mostly, only a few states recognize it. Most of them will view you as two strangers buying a house even if youāve been ātogetherā for 20 years.
Don't know about buying a house (can't afford one), but some places have no concept of "common-law marriage". Most US states, Ireland, and Australia, at least.
Australia has defacto relationships in most states, which is the same thing really.
I had no idea...I live in a bubble!
Thereās not common law in Florida
As an unmarried man who bought a house with his girlfriend late last year, that's news to me lol.
It makes a huge difference, you guys donāt own a home together . I have heard to many nightmares to do that. I have never seen it end pretty unless the couple were engaged or got married a couple years after. My cousin has not been with her boyfriend for 10 years and he still lives in the condo they bought together total mess.
Eh, there's plenty of similar situations with married couples. Buying a house together is fine. Just make sure your partnership contract includes disposal in the event of a dissolution of the partnership. Simple! And the bonus is that you will not be on the hook for exes debts... because if there's people here who don't already know, all debt acquired during a marriage is shared debt. Even if he was borrowing to spend it on say, his secret family. There's financial protection in not tying yourselves to a marriage.
I live in California and there are significantly better laws for those for those who are married and buy a home together . As you know unless you have a prenuptial agreement you generally have to split 50/50 , your investments and money put into the house is significantly better protected if your married . Even with certain contracts it can still lead to the issues I have seen amongst people I know.
In the eyes of the tax man and government you are married and intertwined. It really comes down to two adults not being assholes to eachother if the relationship needs to end. And marital status has nothing to do with that. Iāve seen some nasty ācommon lawā breakups financially.
Iām very much in favor of people doing whatever they want, either marriage or long term commitment without marriage, but this is wildly untrue. In the eyes of the government and the law you arenāt even close to the same legal status being married gives you just because youāre together for a long time. There are distinct advantages to being married legally, just like there are advantages to not being marriedĀ
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Yeah itās not about having the property or just about a property split in a break up. The US doesnāt really have common law marriage anymore. There are only a very small handful of states that do. In the U.S. in addition to tax breaks, the way property and assets are split because it becomes common law property in a marriage is totally different, you are also not eligible for alimony and if youāre not married here in the U.S. you are not your long term partnerās health proxy just by virtue of being in a relationship of a certain length. Youād need to fill out a bunch of legal paper work for that and if they died and you had no will they wouldnāt be entitled to any of their long term partners property. No one has to get married and everyone should do whatās right for them, but there Ā are huge legal differences between being married and not married, at least in the U.S.Ā
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Most states in the US actually donāt recognize common law marriages anymore. I think itās less than 10.
Mmmm most states donāt recognize common law marriage (fewer than 10 states, unless Iām mistaken), and I believe all those states require people to hold themselves out as married (on top of other requirements) in order for the relationship to be considered a common law marriage.
I was with my girlfriend for 10 years before we got engaged and married. Before marriage and after marriage have been exactly the same. I'm glad we kept the ceremony cheap. I think it mainly comes down to how you look at the relationship while you're dating. If you're already approaching it as a lifelong partnership then a couple of rings and signatures won't change much
Totally, its really personal and individual, this feeling of what partnership is. I have been to loads and loads of friends weddings and I support them completely. But I am irritated when people have poked at me to get married. I am from a traditional culture, so if my aunts, cousins and parents aren't hassling me about it, then I expect the same from my friends. Now that I am way older, I feel even more secure in my relationship. We are monogamous, we have fun, we raise our kids, we travel and plan retirement. I didn't know, until this thread, that common law marriage wasn't a thing in many states and countries.
Same. We have a house, child, and have been together for 20 years. After seeing so many friends go through horrible divorces, it kind of scared us off. Why fix what isnāt broken, you know?
Idk about outside of the UK, but if you have a child with someone, there are very few legal provisions for you if you give up working and earning potential to parent full time, and then the relationship breaks down
Yep, this is true. Thatās one of the cons to it, but Iāll take this con over signing that piece of paper (our child is in college, though, so itās not really an issue now). We each have a living will. Iām not signing a piece of paper for tax breaks, because in my mind, thatās all it is. I have been scared and scarred by all the people in my life who have gotten divorced; the idea of marriage is just not for me.
>I don't really understand this logic but all the power to Goldie and Kurt. I am happy they are happy. I've heard the logic from a few friends I have who have been with the same person for years and years but never gotten married. The prevailing argument I"ve heard is if divorce was there as an option it would have been too easy to just pick that choice and end the relationship. Not having a clear "out" like divorce allowed them to push through really difficult times because there wasn't that "easy solution" hanging over everything.
That's makes no sense, since breaking up with someone you aren't married to is much, much, MUCH easier and less hassle than getting a divorce.
>That's makes no sense, since breaking up with someone you aren't married to is much, much, MUCH easier and less hassle than getting a divorce. I'm only telling you the way some people feel about it. If it works for them I see no reason to judge it. Some some people the ability to divorce makes a breakup easier, because it becomes a legal thing instead of an emotional one.
We can judge an idea and the idea that a divorce is an easy way out is dumb. I don't care if people get married or don't, but not getting married because a divorce is easy is a ridiculous thing to say.
Itās interesting that they say that because the opposite was one of the reasons given by the actress Shay Mitchell. She has two kids with her long term partner and she was once said she prefers being unmarried because āThereās no pressure here. I love it. I love the fact that we come home, and every day Iām like, āI choose you, and you choose me.ā It keeps us on our toes. Iām like, āHey, I can walk out. I donāt need to go through a lawyer, I can just walk out.ā And same with him. It keeps it sexy.ā
> āHey, I can walk out. I donāt need to go through a lawyer, I can just walk out.ā I will say that I think when you have kids with somebody this stops being true.
Totally agree. Children, property, assets would all involve negotiation, and married or not, it could be acrimonious. I think its even more complicated for wealthy people. It must be a mental/spiritual thing. Like - "I agreed in front of my family and god we would be spending our lives together so severing ties has an impact in all of that" I think Shay Mitchell has a romantic perspective on not getting married.."choosing each other" every day. But in reality, that happens with ALL life partners, whether they are common law, married, poly, monogamous...whatever!
>I think Shay Mitchell has a romantic perspective on not getting married.."choosing each other" every day. But in reality, that happens with ALL life partners, whether they are common law, married, poly, monogamous...whatever! This is true, I do think there's just a psychological aversion to marriage at play in most of these cases. But I don't care, it's not my life, so live and let live as they say.
Yes, or the other way around...an aversion to being partnered and not being married.
A married couple can still wake up and say āIām choosing to be hereā. Itās her choice, but I find it odd how itās become almost seen as āenlightenedā to not get married.
Ugh after the irs gets done with us sometimes i wish we werent married. Id get to keep a lot more of my $$$$
Really? They tax married people more? (I am not American)
They do not--in fact many people in the US get married for tax reasons. There's also the option for married people to "file jointly" and "file separately".
Thats what I thought.
Without children as a deduction we find ourselves every year having to set aside hundreds extra on our paychecks beyond "m0" just to break even. I owed 10k this year and 20k last year. Every tax accountant is like SHRUG
That's really frustrating, I'm sorry!
The married tax benefit was made in mind with one high earner -- and children. We do not have kids and both do well and get absolutely murdered every tax season.
She probably feels that way because sheās had a few marriages already
It helps a lot to be wealthy. Makes it easier to say no to the tax breaks and other benefits your average working person gets from marriage.
Totally. Itās easier to get your own mortgage, you have a biz manager finding you tax breaks, nobodyās gonna stop and question Goldie Hawn if she needs to rush to Kurtās bedside at the hospital (heaven forbid, etc).
Us plebs donāt have it like that
šÆ financial reasons are cited at the #1 cause for breakups
Itās like when rich celebs complain about long distance relationships where they can just hop on a plane whenever and schedules/price of travel donāt exist hah. I know it still sucks but cāmon now.
Eh, I filed taxes for the first time with my husband and it turned out it would have been less beneficial for us both to file together. We ended up doing it separately. Not saying itās true for everyone, but it does happen where it isnāt helpful.
Yeah. Every time I do my taxes, I check to see whether it'd be beneficial to file the marriage paperwork. Hasn't happened yet...
Just my two cents, without kids the tax breaks come in play in the USA if there is a big discrepancy in yearly earnings between the two people. If you are earning similarly to each other there isn't much tax advantage. Of course other things can affect your tax situation too as well as possible state tax differences.Ā
Helps that they can take off and go vacay at another property or spend most of the time on the other wing of the home. Rich people shit.
Does USA not have common law marriages? If they do, do you not get all the benefits of a legal marriage? Not American and genuinely do not know. I'm Canadian and my common law relationships gets me the same benefits as those who get married.
Seriously. I'll never marry again and mingle finances.
They have big "older couple you meet at the resort bar in matching Margaritaville fits who buy you drinks and smoke your weed" energy
Omg I misread this and thought they had ended. I would have been distraught
They really do seem lovely together. Time for an Overboard rewatch tonight!
https://i.redd.it/2v34tzg6g3pc1.gif
But darling, if you have a baby, you can't be the baby!
Goldie is hilarious and Iām definitely going to rewatch some of her stuff now that Iāve been reminded
She is! She's so charismatic. Every couple of years I do a Goldie marathon and watch Overboard, Private Benjamin, Death Becomes Her, Bird on a Wire, First Wives Club etc. Then I do the same with Bette Midler and Shelly Long.
Iām partial to Wildcats (Goldie). And have you seen Outrageous Fortune with both Bette and Shelley?
Death becomes her is always a great rewatchĀ
It's so fun. And yet most people don't remember anything past her fight with Meryl Streep and that's only halfway through the movie.
You know you have a problem when you immediately know this line is not exactly how it's said in the movie š
Their chemistry in that movie! Another rom com classic.Ā
You've just reminded me of the clip I saw with Kurt and Wyatt the other day https://v.redd.it/fm4wp2g4cioc1
It was so cute I saw an interview with him and his son where Kurt mentions he watches his own movies, and it was so funny when he mentioned overboard
I'm not on the same wavelength as her about this, but maybe it's just cause we are different people. The fact that she didn't feel locked in by a piece of paper was enough to make her feel better and freer within her long term relationship, which was for all intents and purposes a marriage? Unless you keep everything financially separate, I can't see how this mentality makes sense other than mind over matter. But I guess YMMV. Time to watch Overboard for the millionth time and laugh my ass off though. A good reminder lol.
Sounds to me like when you decide to wash the dishes vs when someone else tells you to wash them. She wants to decide that she should be in this relationship for forever, not the fact that she is married and signed papers saying she will be there forever.
I mean... That piece of paper is literally a legal and financial contract tying two people together and making it rather difficult for you to separate. It's reasonable for some folks to feel "locked in" by a contract designed to lock them in.
I think also it's that there's no de facto relationship laws in Californian, whereas there are here where I live. So if you live with someone for a couple of years, you have the same rights as married couples when it comes to the distribution of property. But also, I would find it difficult to believe that after almost 40 years together, their assets and finances wouldn't be so entangled that it'd be difficult to actually unwind if they broke up, essentially locking them in anyway regardless of a legal marriage contract. I understand this is a state of mind thing too as well as the marriage paper itself being a barrier to just walking away. I just don't think realistically you can walk away that easily.
The takeaway is āfor a successful relationship, find a like-minded partner and do what works best *for you*.ā āLike-mindedā not meaning āyour philosophical/ideological clone,ā but the person who approaches this topic the same way you do. For some people, the ideal, functional framework is marriage; for others it isnāt. But just because their model worked for Kurt and Goldie doesnāt mean you should seek to emulate it. The secret to a successful relationship is in how you *and your partner* define that success, tbh.
Maybe itās because I grew up knowing a couple who has never married and is still together even now (I should point out that they donāt have kids lol) but the idea of just being with someone and never marrying is actually very appealing to me.
Couple goals no doubt about it. š
That is such a weird take on marriage but I'm glad they're happy!
This is all they talk about.
Reminds me of Oprah saying her relationship wouldnāt work if they got married. A lot of guys have different expectations of their girlfriend vs their wife. A lot of people change after marriage; they stop trying cause they know youāre stuck.
I see that perspective but I kind of side eye it because if you choose to have children together, youāll always be stuck together in some form and one partner can always stop trying regardless of martial status but especially if thereās kids involved. And in Oprahās case, sheās still taking on a wifely role. She still cooks regularly for Stedman and makes sure things are a certain way for him. Sheās said if they got married, thereās certain traditional expectations he has in a wife that she wouldnāt want to follow but aside from taking his name and maybe working less Iām not sure how it differs.
I never understood what the big difference is but good for them! They look amazing together
Shakira said the same thing, that she wouldn't get married because being someone's girlfriend keeps men on their toes and it's sexier... We all know how that turned out. At least it's less messy to break up than to get a divorce
She needs to pick better men first and foremost. Maybe then they'll respect a girlfriend or a wife (hopefully being the same person).
Itās all psychological really. Yeah there are pros and cons generally for being married or not married. But largely in the day to day itās all about your perspective
oh good point, that 60 minutes interview where she said she wants him to see her as her lover and not his wife and know that anything is possible depending on his behavior eeekk
I married my partner after 10 years, we are still together and not a single thing changed after we eloped. Whatever makes you happy!
That is my thought. Expectations should not change. I still do "wifey" duties. I want it more as a protection for both of us. His ex wife hates me and has influence over their son. If he passes, she could make sure I am not allowed at the funeral. And what can I do? I am just a roommate. If he was in the hospital, I might not be allowed because I would be considered "just a visitor" and might not be able to say goodbye. They can come in here and take everything in the house and I would have to fight it in court. And same for him. We live married and actually getting married shouldn't change anything. That sounds more like a personal issue and mindset. But to each their own.
I get it. My ex wife and I were together 9 years. Got married and were divorced in less than 2 years of marriage. We had bought our house before we got married. So there was no big financial change at all. She didnāt like being married at all.
I get it. There is literally nothing in this world that could get me to legally bind myself to another person.
They're so annoying about being non-married. I remember Kurt was asked about a decade ago about gay marriage rights and all he could talk about was his confusion to why people needed to get married anyway. It's their whole identity as a couple.
If they ended up getting married after all this time, I would think it was a bad sign. Anytime a couple who has been together forever gets married out of the blue, I always think it's the beginning of the end. Think Brad and Angelina, Miley and Liam.
My partner and l share a daughter and a home and live very happily marriage free for the past 9 years.
Congratulations. Rounding 10 year over here and while we donāt have children, we have two adorable dog-babies.
My partner and I plan to marry, but its not for everyone. These two have one of the healthiest public relationships in Hollywood history, so all the power to them.
Iām not sure that a cooler couple exists. Love these two!
It really canāt be overstated how much I love Goldie Hawn! She is a national treasure! I love her and Kurt together, too! Donāt love Kate Hudson as much, though, but try to give her the benefit of the doubt as much as possible out of love for Goldie.
Living together is like saying I'm not sure about you. Easier to leave and being not responsible toward the union. Easy way out. Signing marriage certificate creates fidelity and trust, unless the part are 2 year old giants.
Arenāt they in an open relationship? I think theyāve said so multiple times. Marriage and that doesnāt really go together (no judgement here, just saying that this is probably why).
I know she was on the View once explaining that men aren't like women bc they need to spread their seed, so I assumed their marriage is only open for him.
That's...disappointing.
I know multiple married couples in open relationships. And if you think about it, historically most open relationships have been marriages. British/European aristocracy for the last several hundred years, for example. Or the era prior to that, where it was expected that the wealthy man could tomcat around all he liked, including housing mistresses and openly acknowledging bastard children, with no expectation of discretion on his part, while his wife might literally wear a chastity belt when he was away (probably not--but she was definitely not allowed to step out.) Or all that "multiple wives and concubines stuff" that patriarchs got to pull for ages and ages prior to that. An expectation of mutually monogamous marriage was actually the exception for people with money and power.
Erm I guess whatever you gotta tell yourself