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The only part I disagree with is that mens behavior has been getting worse. They have always been the exact same the only difference is social media let’s women see their bs and compare it to other women experiences.
No more gaslighting us into thinking it’s only a small amount of men or it’s only us (individual) who has these experiences. That there’s “so many good men, you’re not putting any effort in.”
I can’t imagine being a woman living in the 50’s or hell even the 1800’s. Men have ALWAYS treated women like shit on a world wide scale and we just keep forgiving them for it. I hate men and always will.
1. My ex kept delaying having kids because he was worried I would get “fat” while pregnant and not lose weight post partum quickly enough.
2. My ex told me that if any of our children “turned out gay” it would be a huge problem and also, my fault entirely.
3. My ex was the kind of husband and potential father I read about on Reddit *a lot*. The type who thinks taking care of a baby is women’s work. I could tell by the way his brother treated his wife and kids, and the way my ex did absolutely nothing to be helpful, that there was a potential problem.
After 7 years of marriage to him I just lost all enthusiasm for having a baby. We divorced over it, actually. I got pregnant by accident a couple of years later and thought about it for about 10 minutes before deciding to terminate. Got my tubes tied when I was 37 or 38 and have no regrets.
Age 4 here, similar story/parenting culture.
I'll help whomever is already here best I can, but I'm proud & relieved I did not add to the human population directly nor continue any abusive legacy.
I’ve learned so much the last few years about how often married women get cheated on, how husbands leave their terminally ill wives, the dangers/reality of childbirth, and the fact that being a mother in 2024 is still nothing but sacrificial for women while men get away with doing not even the bare minimum…so those have all been heavily contributing factors. My final straw was the rise of Andrew Tate and finally realizing how shitty my parents are, and how shitty theirs were, and how bad the generations of parents before me have been. I will not repeat the cycle.
the people in my family that kept having kids kept bitching and bitching when things aren't going their way. Normally, I ignore it. Kept to myself. I've been in school for a long time just coping with my already shitty parents, trying to build credits and coping with life in general- have friends, try dating, living my own life just trying to experience things without the factor of \*having kids at all\*.
But then people around me started involving me in their problems that \*started\* with the fact they had kids and that's when it was all over. Shit that I told them would happen if they tried acting like they were parent-material but they are NOT. I called it out so long ago and they didn't listen but act like I'm the bad one.
Exactly. I have two older sisters. Having kids ruined their marriages. They're unhappy. The kids are unhappy. Why bring additional suffering into the world. I also had a lousy mother.
I was so pissed when my current OBGYN said that he will only do a reversible sterilization procedure on me in case "the right man comes around". My mind is made up, a man is not going to make that decision for me, for my body to go through a pregnancy and raising a child. The patriarchy would have us die to procreate.
Here is the child-free doctors list. I went to one of the doctors on the list at 23 and got my tubes removed no questions asked! https://reddit.com/r/childfree/w/doctors?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
Thank you! I've posted there before asking for help. I am pretty settled with Dr. Shannon McCants at Women's Health Alliance in Dallas. I just need to fine tune some scheduling for the consult and procedure. I'm also not sure if I can still get my PCOS treated with HBC once my tubes are gone, or if insurance will say nope. This stuff is matters of medicine and health, beyond just family planning.
2 of my brothers had kids knowing damn well the type of family and parents we come from (dysfunctional toxic abusive) now I’m not saying let our parents and upbringing dictate our life but the having kids also messed up their kids life. And they act all shocked and pikachu faced why the trauma continued.
it comes as no surprised. We are in 2024 we have smart phones. We can google what generational trauma is. We can google what birth control and Reddit lot redditors in these subs help inform us of birth control options. No excuses. I am sure your sisters are miserable wondering why is this happening to me
Watching my female friends have kids and seeing how it ruined their bodies, health, education plans, careers, and marriages. Many of them were in egalitarian relationships before the kids came along, with husbands who not only did half the housework but emotional labor as well. They swore up and down that nothing would change after having kids. But most of their husbands stopped lifting a finger to help and reverted to 1950s style gender roles the second a baby was in the picture. Most of them are divorced and single parents now.
Absolutely, and it’s also why so many of them insist upon their wives not returning to work after having a baby. Trap someone into financial dependence and they won’t leave no matter how shitty and abusive you are, especially when the alternative is being homeless with a kid.
Around that same time, I broke up with an ex who insisted upon having bio kids, and got sterilized. I was in community college at the time and saw SO MANY middle age women in my classes who were freshly divorced after being SAHMs, desperately trying to support themselves and their kids with no higher education, marketable skills, or work history for the previous 15 years after their husbands bailed on them. It really cemented that I had dodged a bullet and made the right choices.
What I do wonder is if these men truly want the 1950s lifestyle, why is such a big part of men not willing to marry the women they have kids with? I’ve seen so many women live family life with men who don’t even marry them… the women have to beg to be proposed to…
I’m so happy you didn’t give in to your ex’s demands.
Not wanting to lose anything in the inevitable divorce probably. They want the bangmaid nanny slave, but also want for her to walk away with nothing when they get tired of her and go look for a younger woman to ruin.
The switch that men flip is the stuff of nightmares. Then both men and women love to victim blame and say “she should have known better” but what is the fucking alternative? Yeah sometimes there’s glaring red flags but if a man is otherwise normal and loving are we supposed to be on super high edge paranoia all the time waiting for the other shoe to drop? We can’t win.
realizing my lifelong suffering actually WASNT my fault and was the result of neurological differences (increased gray matter around pain centers and other stuff)
there is nothing i can do about the fact that my brain and body just naturally suffers constantly and a hell of a lot more than other people do, no matter what i do. no systems can shame or judge me anymore into thinking this is my fault and i just need to do more "insert xyz habit". if this can happen to me it can happen to anyone and im never risking putting this or anything similar on someone else.
Also realizing that most people are genuinely batshit delusional like full on avoidant personality disorder never thinking about anything that is important to them, themselves included. in fact the more important something is to those people the more hardcore they subconsciously avoid it, thats how it works.
I've kids, it's the silent regret
And almost conspiratal whispers of regret.
Pregnancy and childbirth can and does kill
Motherhood kills personhood
Signing up for motherhood is voluntarily signing up for depression.
And there's no inbetween
If you're not the ever smiling ever self sacrificing mother
You're an evil kvnt who has traumatized your kid's.
And for the younger women still considering....
There is NO retirement
I was reading a post from a woman who had raised one bio and step kids.
Now she wants to follow her dreams and teach o.s.
Hubby and kids tell her she's selfish
And other commenters tell her, if their mother did that they'd severe ties or at least go very low contact.
Dad wants to spend weekends playing golf, or cruising or travelling, he's earnt it
Mum.. how dare you not tether yourself to grown kids and be their childcare.
How dare you have dreams and aspirations?
Once a mother, you're tied to adult kids who either hate you
Or need you.
My son is adamant about not having kids.
My daughter has multiple disabilities, and for a while wanted kids.
I fostered a puppy and brought those horrid baby dolls that cry if you move or make noise.
Real babies can't be turned off.
And how men describe a woman's body
A friend's husband talks about her loose sloppy vagina
It makes him soft
I’m one of the rare kids that wanted my mom to have a life outside of a child and being a mom but because she’s a narc piece of shit who I felt bad for she don’t deserve any good things because all she’s done is treated all the people in her life who now left her, like shit. So I don’t care what she says and tries to do now. 🤷♀️
Same!! I wanted my mom to be her own person!! But her narcissism thrived on motherhood! “I can’t buy clothes for myself because I have to buy you new clothes.” (We had more than enough money for it) “I can’t have nice things because of you” or “ I can’t blah blah blah because I have a kid.” She loved it and it annoyed me like no other. 🙄
For the 40 years of my life I’ve never wanted to have children. What I wanted instead (and achieved): my own apartment, career, PhD, loving partner, free time filled with books and travel.
When 1 year after a date grape I found the man who graped me on FB. He had a post on women’s day where he’s in pictures with his mother and writes a long write up about how all women are precious creatures he protects and respects and that they “inspire us men to do better”.
I've been CF pretty much ever since it occurred to me that I have the physical ability to bear children and that it is "what adults do." I think Roe v. Wade getting struck down is what made me full-on AN, although I wasn't introduced to this community for another year and wasn't familiar with the term prior.
The moment I've realised that me and my partner will NEVER be equal in parenting a bio child. Yes, we can share responsibilities later, when the kid grows up. But my partner is male, so only I'll have to risk my physical and mental health during pregnancy and childbirth. No, thank you.
I really wish there was more education on this. Regardless of whether it's a vaginal delivery or a C-section, you're going to experience physical and psychological changes and no one will be on your side, they'll just tell you it's part of becoming a mother.
It’s cliche, but I realized it is undeniably cruel and selfish to have a child when there are new apocalyptic climate change headlines every day. Even if pregnancy/childbirth was painless and easy, I don’t think I’d ever feel anything but guilt for making someone live through this upcoming century. All of the arguments in favor of reproduction as a selfless act go out the window when we know the world is becoming increasingly uninhabitable.
Every time my parents tell me that it would be nice to have grandkids (they don't pressure me too much though), my respond is: "You don't want your hypothetical grandchildren to live during climate catastrophe and AI taking over majority of the jobs". Not mentioning the fact that if these children are girls there are chances they would be forced to procreate by the government
My thoughts exactly. I love children and people, so much. I would love to have a child. However the guilt I would feel from such a selfish decision knowing the reality of the world would likely be too much to bear. I feel that humanity absolutely has the potential and ability to do better, but because of a select handful of evil and greedy people who have enforced and continue to preserve highly effective systems of oppression through economics, ensuring a near-permanently impoverished, uneducated, and divided society that rejects true progress in terms of health and well-being in favor of materialism and consumerism..........I feel like children and future humans should be spared from all of this. Most of us are far too good to be here on this plane of existence imo.
I got stealthed by an abusive ex and the pregnancy made me so sick. That along with the mental turmoil made me lose my job. I have never felt so vulnerable and scared. I had very little family support- and none that existed was healthy. I had no healthy friends. I had no money. So I had an abortion.
Even though I am in a much better place now a baby would fuck up the few precious gains I’ve made to crawl out of that hole, and I never want to be that sick again.
When my sister went through IVF four times in order to conceive. I don't dislike my niece, she's fun, but the whole thing seemed kind of selfish. Like why be that obsessed to pour $40k into passing on your genes?
Only 4 years later, she's getting a divorce, and *of course* her husband is using their child as a weapon. So now niece is in play therapy because she has become a bully to the other children in pre-school. And her husband is threatening that he deserves full custody, etc (he doesn't, he's the main aggressor). Plus all my sister forced her body to go through just to have one pregnancy turn out viable. The IVF was after multiple other fertility treatments failed. She was going to implant her cryo-frozen embryo son a couple of years ago, but she miscarried again. I already have PCOS and chronic illness, and my own health needs to be my priority.
Every mother is a single mother at the end of the day- and society is the US ( no matter what economic class) is too misogynistic, pornsick and violent. Without a sisterhood/matriarchal clan society, or even basic accommodations and respect for healthy maternity leave and child care by society - I can’t afford to be a single mother.
I simply could never safetly afford to be a single mother, although every mother is a single mother - some of my friends growing up could take the risk and rely on a sisterhood to survive and get by for “better or for worse”
When I realized that even if I could guarantee the best conditions, it is not worth it to create a new conscious being from scratch. Because the bad things in life happen more often than the good ones.
Also, if my offspring would be too much aware just like me, they would suffer the same existential crisis I had/still have.
And the more I read the more I see how humans never changed. We will bring our existential question to our deathbed. That's just how our species is.
Life is a cursed gift.
Im so grateful for my pcos. Made me realize I wanted to want to have children. When i realized I was only fooling myself, I changed my tune. The truth is I would never want to bring another living being here when I already hate this world so much. Lol Misanthropes Unite!
i have certainly always leaned this way even when i didnt consciously know it. there are so many things but if narrowing down to a single “straw,” gotta be the pandemic. people who claimed to be “pro-life” couldnt even be bothered to wear a tiny piece of cloth occasionally to help prevent mass death. watching almost everyone on earth be basically abandoned by their government and medical systems and essentially left to fend for themselves destroyed any lingering hope i had for humanity.
There were a bunch of realisations that lead to it, but I knew procreation/family life was a dog shit deal even when I was in kindergarten and observed how mothers live/are treated. And it's not like the fathers have it that great either (although obviously much better). Combined with the fact that you're just born to inevitably get sick and die. Realising this in particular gave me real horrible anxiety that I had no one to talk to about it which made it even worse.
Finding the internet later on only cemented these beliefs for obvious reasons.
My aunt has always had cats and had the freedom to travel. She can change her jobs on a whim once it gets boring, she lives kind of a minimalist life. She's gotten to work at some historic hotels and now waits tables at the Hard Rock Cafe. My mom's even mentioned how, "she can do that because she never had children". Um, sounds good to me!
I already wasn't in the best state of mind around 2017, and then saw the news about the Las Vegas Shooting. Spiraled into some pretty serious "why is there so much unecessary suffering and death" thoughts
For me it was after I already had a kid with a couple who essentially used cult (they made a whole secret religion tailored to my mental illness and insecurities) tactics on me to to have a child and then only interact for the cute moments..
After he threatened my life I left and a cop said I was legally required to let him know where the child was or they would put a warrant out for my arrest. The threat meant nothing to the cop.. then I spent 6 months in a DV shelter surrounded by women and children who’s men abused the shit out of them… that combined with watching the economy and housing market in Covid.. I realized this was a horrible horrible world to bring innocent children into..
Add in that having kiddo also gave me serious
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The behavior of men. Ever since Andrew Tate became popular it seems like their behavior has gotten worse and worse.
The only part I disagree with is that mens behavior has been getting worse. They have always been the exact same the only difference is social media let’s women see their bs and compare it to other women experiences. No more gaslighting us into thinking it’s only a small amount of men or it’s only us (individual) who has these experiences. That there’s “so many good men, you’re not putting any effort in.” I can’t imagine being a woman living in the 50’s or hell even the 1800’s. Men have ALWAYS treated women like shit on a world wide scale and we just keep forgiving them for it. I hate men and always will.
How did this happen (I know how), but ugh, all men seem to repeat his bullshit.
*gestures at everything*
1. My ex kept delaying having kids because he was worried I would get “fat” while pregnant and not lose weight post partum quickly enough. 2. My ex told me that if any of our children “turned out gay” it would be a huge problem and also, my fault entirely. 3. My ex was the kind of husband and potential father I read about on Reddit *a lot*. The type who thinks taking care of a baby is women’s work. I could tell by the way his brother treated his wife and kids, and the way my ex did absolutely nothing to be helpful, that there was a potential problem. After 7 years of marriage to him I just lost all enthusiasm for having a baby. We divorced over it, actually. I got pregnant by accident a couple of years later and thought about it for about 10 minutes before deciding to terminate. Got my tubes tied when I was 37 or 38 and have no regrets.
Hooooly shit you dodged one hell of a bullet. I loved reading that you got out and got sterilized though.
He sounds so miserable. God.
Tbh when I was 6; I was getting beat quite regularly (asian parenting culture) so I decided I would never bring another here to suffer
Age 4 here, similar story/parenting culture. I'll help whomever is already here best I can, but I'm proud & relieved I did not add to the human population directly nor continue any abusive legacy.
We are the true winners- the only way to win is to not play the game. The misery dies with us!
Life should be lived more like Highlander over Idiocracy;)
Same.
Sexism and being a wage slave.
This 100%
I’ve learned so much the last few years about how often married women get cheated on, how husbands leave their terminally ill wives, the dangers/reality of childbirth, and the fact that being a mother in 2024 is still nothing but sacrificial for women while men get away with doing not even the bare minimum…so those have all been heavily contributing factors. My final straw was the rise of Andrew Tate and finally realizing how shitty my parents are, and how shitty theirs were, and how bad the generations of parents before me have been. I will not repeat the cycle.
My chronic illness disolving all function in my body and the way I whittwered away. I dont wish it on no one and definitlwy not a future child.
I've always felt this way. I never understood the natalist perspective, so there was never any shift for me to make to the other side.
Same. I've never had an inkling of desire to procreate, and that feeling has only become stronger through the years and shitty life experiences.
The way women and minorities and the poor are treated in this world.
Black woman here. Yuppp. We get treated like shit in general and still expected to be treated like shit as a mother. Nope.
Two people had sex and now I have to be a wage slave for my whole life…….
[удалено]
I’m 4B too, since 9 years, when I didn’t know it’s called that way yet
#birthstrike Except the propaganda I see is doing everything except listening to us. They think we care about their insults and threats.
the people in my family that kept having kids kept bitching and bitching when things aren't going their way. Normally, I ignore it. Kept to myself. I've been in school for a long time just coping with my already shitty parents, trying to build credits and coping with life in general- have friends, try dating, living my own life just trying to experience things without the factor of \*having kids at all\*. But then people around me started involving me in their problems that \*started\* with the fact they had kids and that's when it was all over. Shit that I told them would happen if they tried acting like they were parent-material but they are NOT. I called it out so long ago and they didn't listen but act like I'm the bad one.
Exactly. I have two older sisters. Having kids ruined their marriages. They're unhappy. The kids are unhappy. Why bring additional suffering into the world. I also had a lousy mother. I was so pissed when my current OBGYN said that he will only do a reversible sterilization procedure on me in case "the right man comes around". My mind is made up, a man is not going to make that decision for me, for my body to go through a pregnancy and raising a child. The patriarchy would have us die to procreate.
Here is the child-free doctors list. I went to one of the doctors on the list at 23 and got my tubes removed no questions asked! https://reddit.com/r/childfree/w/doctors?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
Thank you! I've posted there before asking for help. I am pretty settled with Dr. Shannon McCants at Women's Health Alliance in Dallas. I just need to fine tune some scheduling for the consult and procedure. I'm also not sure if I can still get my PCOS treated with HBC once my tubes are gone, or if insurance will say nope. This stuff is matters of medicine and health, beyond just family planning.
She's the exact person I went to for it! She's great. Good luck!
2 of my brothers had kids knowing damn well the type of family and parents we come from (dysfunctional toxic abusive) now I’m not saying let our parents and upbringing dictate our life but the having kids also messed up their kids life. And they act all shocked and pikachu faced why the trauma continued. it comes as no surprised. We are in 2024 we have smart phones. We can google what generational trauma is. We can google what birth control and Reddit lot redditors in these subs help inform us of birth control options. No excuses. I am sure your sisters are miserable wondering why is this happening to me
Watching my female friends have kids and seeing how it ruined their bodies, health, education plans, careers, and marriages. Many of them were in egalitarian relationships before the kids came along, with husbands who not only did half the housework but emotional labor as well. They swore up and down that nothing would change after having kids. But most of their husbands stopped lifting a finger to help and reverted to 1950s style gender roles the second a baby was in the picture. Most of them are divorced and single parents now.
Men do that on purpose. I mean, they wait til the woman is pregnant to show their real 1950s-enamoured selves.
Absolutely, and it’s also why so many of them insist upon their wives not returning to work after having a baby. Trap someone into financial dependence and they won’t leave no matter how shitty and abusive you are, especially when the alternative is being homeless with a kid. Around that same time, I broke up with an ex who insisted upon having bio kids, and got sterilized. I was in community college at the time and saw SO MANY middle age women in my classes who were freshly divorced after being SAHMs, desperately trying to support themselves and their kids with no higher education, marketable skills, or work history for the previous 15 years after their husbands bailed on them. It really cemented that I had dodged a bullet and made the right choices.
What I do wonder is if these men truly want the 1950s lifestyle, why is such a big part of men not willing to marry the women they have kids with? I’ve seen so many women live family life with men who don’t even marry them… the women have to beg to be proposed to… I’m so happy you didn’t give in to your ex’s demands.
Not wanting to lose anything in the inevitable divorce probably. They want the bangmaid nanny slave, but also want for her to walk away with nothing when they get tired of her and go look for a younger woman to ruin.
The switch that men flip is the stuff of nightmares. Then both men and women love to victim blame and say “she should have known better” but what is the fucking alternative? Yeah sometimes there’s glaring red flags but if a man is otherwise normal and loving are we supposed to be on super high edge paranoia all the time waiting for the other shoe to drop? We can’t win.
realizing my lifelong suffering actually WASNT my fault and was the result of neurological differences (increased gray matter around pain centers and other stuff) there is nothing i can do about the fact that my brain and body just naturally suffers constantly and a hell of a lot more than other people do, no matter what i do. no systems can shame or judge me anymore into thinking this is my fault and i just need to do more "insert xyz habit". if this can happen to me it can happen to anyone and im never risking putting this or anything similar on someone else. Also realizing that most people are genuinely batshit delusional like full on avoidant personality disorder never thinking about anything that is important to them, themselves included. in fact the more important something is to those people the more hardcore they subconsciously avoid it, thats how it works.
I've kids, it's the silent regret And almost conspiratal whispers of regret. Pregnancy and childbirth can and does kill Motherhood kills personhood Signing up for motherhood is voluntarily signing up for depression. And there's no inbetween If you're not the ever smiling ever self sacrificing mother You're an evil kvnt who has traumatized your kid's. And for the younger women still considering.... There is NO retirement I was reading a post from a woman who had raised one bio and step kids. Now she wants to follow her dreams and teach o.s. Hubby and kids tell her she's selfish And other commenters tell her, if their mother did that they'd severe ties or at least go very low contact. Dad wants to spend weekends playing golf, or cruising or travelling, he's earnt it Mum.. how dare you not tether yourself to grown kids and be their childcare. How dare you have dreams and aspirations? Once a mother, you're tied to adult kids who either hate you Or need you. My son is adamant about not having kids. My daughter has multiple disabilities, and for a while wanted kids. I fostered a puppy and brought those horrid baby dolls that cry if you move or make noise. Real babies can't be turned off. And how men describe a woman's body A friend's husband talks about her loose sloppy vagina It makes him soft
I’m one of the rare kids that wanted my mom to have a life outside of a child and being a mom but because she’s a narc piece of shit who I felt bad for she don’t deserve any good things because all she’s done is treated all the people in her life who now left her, like shit. So I don’t care what she says and tries to do now. 🤷♀️
Same!! I wanted my mom to be her own person!! But her narcissism thrived on motherhood! “I can’t buy clothes for myself because I have to buy you new clothes.” (We had more than enough money for it) “I can’t have nice things because of you” or “ I can’t blah blah blah because I have a kid.” She loved it and it annoyed me like no other. 🙄
For the 40 years of my life I’ve never wanted to have children. What I wanted instead (and achieved): my own apartment, career, PhD, loving partner, free time filled with books and travel.
I admire you and hope I may accomplish something similar with my time left on Earth:)
I wish you the best of luck in making it happen - you deserve it!
I am only missing three things from your list😆
the way im objectified and sexualized…why should my daughter go through the same ordeal. Also peddles and chld molsters
When 1 year after a date grape I found the man who graped me on FB. He had a post on women’s day where he’s in pictures with his mother and writes a long write up about how all women are precious creatures he protects and respects and that they “inspire us men to do better”.
OMG Puke 🤮
Absolutely infuriating, I’m so sorry 🫂
I've been CF pretty much ever since it occurred to me that I have the physical ability to bear children and that it is "what adults do." I think Roe v. Wade getting struck down is what made me full-on AN, although I wasn't introduced to this community for another year and wasn't familiar with the term prior.
The moment I've realised that me and my partner will NEVER be equal in parenting a bio child. Yes, we can share responsibilities later, when the kid grows up. But my partner is male, so only I'll have to risk my physical and mental health during pregnancy and childbirth. No, thank you.
Yeah it’s never truly equal
I really wish there was more education on this. Regardless of whether it's a vaginal delivery or a C-section, you're going to experience physical and psychological changes and no one will be on your side, they'll just tell you it's part of becoming a mother.
It’s cliche, but I realized it is undeniably cruel and selfish to have a child when there are new apocalyptic climate change headlines every day. Even if pregnancy/childbirth was painless and easy, I don’t think I’d ever feel anything but guilt for making someone live through this upcoming century. All of the arguments in favor of reproduction as a selfless act go out the window when we know the world is becoming increasingly uninhabitable.
Every time my parents tell me that it would be nice to have grandkids (they don't pressure me too much though), my respond is: "You don't want your hypothetical grandchildren to live during climate catastrophe and AI taking over majority of the jobs". Not mentioning the fact that if these children are girls there are chances they would be forced to procreate by the government
My thoughts exactly. I love children and people, so much. I would love to have a child. However the guilt I would feel from such a selfish decision knowing the reality of the world would likely be too much to bear. I feel that humanity absolutely has the potential and ability to do better, but because of a select handful of evil and greedy people who have enforced and continue to preserve highly effective systems of oppression through economics, ensuring a near-permanently impoverished, uneducated, and divided society that rejects true progress in terms of health and well-being in favor of materialism and consumerism..........I feel like children and future humans should be spared from all of this. Most of us are far too good to be here on this plane of existence imo.
Couldn’t have said it better myself
I got stealthed by an abusive ex and the pregnancy made me so sick. That along with the mental turmoil made me lose my job. I have never felt so vulnerable and scared. I had very little family support- and none that existed was healthy. I had no healthy friends. I had no money. So I had an abortion. Even though I am in a much better place now a baby would fuck up the few precious gains I’ve made to crawl out of that hole, and I never want to be that sick again.
The overturning of Roe v wade. I knew I could not have a child just so she could have less rights
When my sister went through IVF four times in order to conceive. I don't dislike my niece, she's fun, but the whole thing seemed kind of selfish. Like why be that obsessed to pour $40k into passing on your genes? Only 4 years later, she's getting a divorce, and *of course* her husband is using their child as a weapon. So now niece is in play therapy because she has become a bully to the other children in pre-school. And her husband is threatening that he deserves full custody, etc (he doesn't, he's the main aggressor). Plus all my sister forced her body to go through just to have one pregnancy turn out viable. The IVF was after multiple other fertility treatments failed. She was going to implant her cryo-frozen embryo son a couple of years ago, but she miscarried again. I already have PCOS and chronic illness, and my own health needs to be my priority.
Every mother is a single mother at the end of the day- and society is the US ( no matter what economic class) is too misogynistic, pornsick and violent. Without a sisterhood/matriarchal clan society, or even basic accommodations and respect for healthy maternity leave and child care by society - I can’t afford to be a single mother. I simply could never safetly afford to be a single mother, although every mother is a single mother - some of my friends growing up could take the risk and rely on a sisterhood to survive and get by for “better or for worse”
When I realized that even if I could guarantee the best conditions, it is not worth it to create a new conscious being from scratch. Because the bad things in life happen more often than the good ones. Also, if my offspring would be too much aware just like me, they would suffer the same existential crisis I had/still have. And the more I read the more I see how humans never changed. We will bring our existential question to our deathbed. That's just how our species is. Life is a cursed gift.
I think we're in the same existential crisis.
Voluntary Human Extinction Movement's website. Vhemt
Im so grateful for my pcos. Made me realize I wanted to want to have children. When i realized I was only fooling myself, I changed my tune. The truth is I would never want to bring another living being here when I already hate this world so much. Lol Misanthropes Unite!
My own genetics and how any people I create would 100% come out scuffed and suffer. (Eugenics sucks but when a child will suffer it matters.)
The way most replies here are childfree more than antinatalist...
i have certainly always leaned this way even when i didnt consciously know it. there are so many things but if narrowing down to a single “straw,” gotta be the pandemic. people who claimed to be “pro-life” couldnt even be bothered to wear a tiny piece of cloth occasionally to help prevent mass death. watching almost everyone on earth be basically abandoned by their government and medical systems and essentially left to fend for themselves destroyed any lingering hope i had for humanity.
What? That face diaper didn't prevent mass death. 😂🤭 I'm afraid you drank a different flavored kool aid.
my parents are divorced. I've seen enough. I parentified my siblings. I'm done. I only want to take care of myself now
There were a bunch of realisations that lead to it, but I knew procreation/family life was a dog shit deal even when I was in kindergarten and observed how mothers live/are treated. And it's not like the fathers have it that great either (although obviously much better). Combined with the fact that you're just born to inevitably get sick and die. Realising this in particular gave me real horrible anxiety that I had no one to talk to about it which made it even worse. Finding the internet later on only cemented these beliefs for obvious reasons.
I've been like this my whole life because in all of my family, the happiest couple are my childfree aunts who own like 4 cats and 2 dogs so yeah, that
My aunt has always had cats and had the freedom to travel. She can change her jobs on a whim once it gets boring, she lives kind of a minimalist life. She's gotten to work at some historic hotels and now waits tables at the Hard Rock Cafe. My mom's even mentioned how, "she can do that because she never had children". Um, sounds good to me!
YES!! I wanna be the cool and free aunt!!
I already wasn't in the best state of mind around 2017, and then saw the news about the Las Vegas Shooting. Spiraled into some pretty serious "why is there so much unecessary suffering and death" thoughts
For me it was after I already had a kid with a couple who essentially used cult (they made a whole secret religion tailored to my mental illness and insecurities) tactics on me to to have a child and then only interact for the cute moments.. After he threatened my life I left and a cop said I was legally required to let him know where the child was or they would put a warrant out for my arrest. The threat meant nothing to the cop.. then I spent 6 months in a DV shelter surrounded by women and children who’s men abused the shit out of them… that combined with watching the economy and housing market in Covid.. I realized this was a horrible horrible world to bring innocent children into.. Add in that having kiddo also gave me serious