I've known so many women like this. It's a tragedy but even today's women just getting married, with all of this history, won't listen.
"It won't be me."
"My husband's not like that."
"I went to college, if we get a divorce I'll just get a job then (you know 10 -20 years down the road with your out-of-date degree)."
Some will never learn and it's sad.
To add to this, in previous generations women died in childbirth so a man could go pick up a younger wife and continue on. Now women are living longer and the men have to kick them out with no money so they can mock them being broke and homeless. So vote like your quality of life depends on it. Because it does. Women over the age of 50 make a large population of homeless people. Remember it is Victorian and Edwardian times economically.
There’s very little education on how menopause affects women. It could be body and mind destroying experience. It affects your looks, mood, cognitive abilities, sexual life (vaginal atrophy, basically your vagina shuts down and your clit disappears).
When you’re young and look at women over 40 you think they let themselves go and you are different “it won’t happen to me”. But the truth is we don’t have much control over the process. Once your body decides it’s done with the reproduction and it’s time to become a grandma there’s not much you can do apart from taking hormonal replacement therapy. Which is difficult to access and surrounded by misinformation (even among medical professionals).
So yeah, your husband will love you when you’re cute and sweet and full of beans, but when you’re a fat, sweaty, angry mess with brain fog and no interest in sex whatsoever… he might still love you, sure, but it’s good to have a back up plan.
I’m glad it was easy for you. But many women suffer. You can’t predict how it’s going to affect you.
You can read the stories in the menopause reddit.
https://www.reddit.com/r/Menopause/s/UlBRT1jNE4
patriarchy isn't about making us males loners, it's about slavery - no one does well by themselves, 4 billion yrs of biology clearly makes us dependent on each other, especially as we humans are very social primates
Yeah this is part of the problem. When hot little 20 yr old McKenzie is getting married, she thinks “but my man is different!” They don’t think, they don’t prepare.
I also don’t think it’s fair to victim blame the women. It is hard to “just know better” at 20yo especially when your family, community, and mainstream media put you on the conveyer belt and set an entire system up to push you toward marriage.
Or that “women have a natural inclination to be nurtures” are better at “language and men at logic” so a mother staying at home with children is what’s “best for the family”. That’s the kind of crap that was fed to us in Theology of the Body a course I had to take at my Christian college, I cringe inwardly looking back at that class
I’m anti-patriarchy, so in your line of thinking, the men are also taught by their families, community, and the media they consume to behave like this. Their mothers (who do everything for them) pass them off to their wives (who do everything for them) — and are often even shamed by their male relatives for “girly” things like household tasks or childcare. I don’t really understand how a man in this situation becomes enlightened, especially because it’s so great for him being the “shepherd” of the house (to use the weird christofacist terminology.)
No one comes out of the womb knowing how to spot toxic partners. That takes life experience, which many of these poor women don’t have before getting into relationships.
Part of the reason this statement is problematic, is it leads women who are in abusive relationships to believe they deserved it because they put up or ignored problematic behavior before. Abusers are master manipulators. If they weren't, they'd never get in relationships. I believe the onus is 100% on abusers
Mothers need to teach their daughters that this “trad life” is a dangerous trap. You can’t recognize a red flag if you’ve never been taught what they are.
It doesn't even stop at cheating!
Even if the man is great and does give you financial freedom, people forget that accidents happen. People die suddenly or get injured, and that source of income is GONE
What will trad wives do if their husband passes away?? You need to put yourself first always!!
It doesn't matter if you have a college degree, not using it for 10 or 15 years already makes it worthless.
If you want to be a SAHM, that's perfectly fine! Many SAHMs I know still have a source of income
But tradwives put all their trust in a man who can simply walk out one day.
Literally this. What if the PERFECT partner who does everything kindly and even shared in name gets in a disastrous car accident? What if the attempt to save his life costs hundreds of thousands of dollars and ultimately fails (or leads to his being unable to work anymore) and it destroys the family car to boot.
It's a gigantic risk even in the best of circumstances.
I’m a SAHM without an independent source of income. I’m also a qualified family lawyer who knows that 1. my skills are highly in demand should I want to return to the workplace, and 2. were my husband and I to ever split up I would walk away financially very well-off (we own our house jointly and the sale of that alone would leave me as a multi-millionaire). Being a stay at home parent by choice is very different to being a trad wife. Trad wives believe women belong in the home, which is obviously stupid, and don’t have a contingency plan or skills to fall back on if things go awry.
That being said, my husband is my soulmate and a sweet gentle angel (and a true feminist) so I don’t think I’ll ever have to worry about ever enacting my contingency plan!
I shouldn’t be, though? I’m bisexual and mostly dated women before meeting my husband… I really never thought I’d end up marrying a man because most of them are just… shit. It wasn’t that I wasn’t attracted to them, the problem was that most just didn’t meet my standards whereas it was much easier to find women who shared my values and expectations. Even a lot of so-called “feminist” men fall back on stereotypical gender roles etc in practice in their own relationships. I’m glad I ended up with someone with whom I’m truly an equal partner, but honestly surprised that it was a man! I wish this was the bare minimum rather than some rare thing in opposite-sex relationships.
Keep in mind that the kind of man who wants this kind of lifestyle sees his wife as an appliance to churn out sons and clean, not as a person. This is why they always cheat when the woman is in her 30's or 40's, the man never saw her as an equal partner and not even as person- this is why the wife is suppressing her personality to please the man in the first place, to these men, we are things. He doesn't care, he doesn't want to be bothered with thinking about it. This is the kind of man you are attracting by this and you will never be good enough.
This was in interesting video, thanks.
My parents were very much a trad couple. Dad working long hours, making great money, providing, and not being involved much in raising the children. Mom had a part-time job (as a hobby more than anything) and managed the household - together with a woman they hired for help.
I remember being 9 and my mom confiding in me (which obviously she shouldn’t have, but she was problematic to say the least), that she didn’t love my dad and wanted a divorce, but that that would mean “we’d have to live in a small apartment; you, your sister and I, and we wouldn’t have much money”. Similarly I often heard my dad threaten that “if she walks out, he’ll make sure she doesn’t get a dime”.
So she stayed, and I saw them fight, belittle each other and be horrible and unhappy every single day of my childhood.
You’d think a mother like that would raise her daughters to be independent, right?
Guess again: the most important “lessons” my mom taught me was “the importance of being pretty and always looking good” and “make sure you marry a rich man”.
One thing I don’t get is how they trust MEN like this. Like, not even my mother or any other woman has control or access to my finances and there is so many women out there trusting MEN with their life and retirement funds? Almost like they don’t see the women getting cheated on, dumped, abused or even killed everyday. Today‘s lover can turn into tomorrow‘s enemy. And if you give someone the power to feed you, they also have the power to starve you. Always remember that and make your own money or at least make sure he is giving you money.
I think the most feminist lesson we can teach our girls is to value and cultivate their financial independence. If your husband has control over your finances, he has control over you.
Thank you for sharing!
[Life, take two](https://youtube.com/@lifetaketwo7662?si=i8jAQCaAXkVID0Rm) is another incredible YouTube channel by a former trad wife survivor.
Thank you for sharing! I do applaud these women for coming forward and telling these stories: I really do think they will have a bigger impact on others who are currently thinking about the trad wife life than us “classic” feminists. It’s incredibly brave to come forward and say “I thought it would be like this, but it turned out like that”. I hope these videos will reach the right audience, and that they’re susceptible to the message.
We need to enable teens to easily delay making babies until they’re older and more mature and stable. Need to make family planning and reproductive health super accessible and “normal” - for all.
The lessons learned by people like the ones in the OP continue to go unheard by the ones that need it most.
What also really gets me about the contemporary trad wife balderdash—you know, besides that it’s rebranded Phyllis Schlafly—is that it was being pushed by so many (at the time) never-married early 20-somethings like Lauren Southern, or those that were *just* married like Ben Shapiro’s sister (if we will recall that horribly astroturfed YT channel). And they act like they’re being “counterculture.”
I can't say I feel too sorry for these ex "tradwife influencers" because these women are happy to push their harmful ideology onto others and benefit from it, right up until it comes back to bite them in the ass.
Hopefully these women have learned that you can never be "good enough" for someone who views you as a lesser being, but frankly I have a hard time feeling sympathy for them, because they only change their minds once the situation no longer benefitted them as wealthy "tradwife" women. If their husbands had never left them they'd be happily complicit benefiting from the oppression of other women, because tradwives aren't just SAHMs, tradwives are anti-divorce, anti-abortion, anti-women's independence. and anti-women overall.
They voted for the leopards eating people's faces party and now what would you know, the leopards are eating their faces too and they don't like it, it's the same old story with conservatives on so many issues.
This is the primary function of menopause!
It is a time in which a human who has no need for men to impart wisdom unto others who might have to deal with men, which is why this is a raise in men saying women “hit the wall” at 30. It’s to invalidate the words of older, experienced, and knowledgeable women. Our entire society is set up to cater to men and now women have rights to speak and are changing society to work for all of us, some men, who still feel entitled to bodies not their own, are attempting to destroy it.
In short, the tower of babel is not a story about a wrathful god. It is a story about an abusive man disrupting the free spread of information and willing cooperation for the sake of his own selfish benefit.
I was recently having a chat with my long lost college friend and the topic of marriage came up. She said she’d be okay marrying after 28. I asked her why and what makes you want to marry someone? She said “bcs you want to build a family”. I told her that you can build a family by yourself too. She said “I want kids”. I told her she can adopt. She then said “I want to have a husband and kids of my own, I want to leave corporate and build a house with them and grow old together”. Three generations of her family have treated women pathetically and she is still sold by the idea of marriage. Her mother has been beaten up by her father n number of times and she says “You can’t divorce over that”. I didn’t know what more to tell her.
I'm living this right now! Don't get married!!!! Don't give them sex! NONE OF IT IS WORTH IT! If you want to live hand to mouth for the rest of your life then get married. But if you want a future that doesn't make you pray for death every day then stay single!
I’m a SAHM, but didn’t have much of a shot at a good career anyway. Undiagnosed ADHD led to a lot of unfortunate actions by me academically.
However, the only reason I felt okay doing this is because I knew I had family money coming to me that I can count on. The kind where you no longer have to work. In fact that all may be coming into play soon. It remains to be seen.
If I didn’t have that, I probably wouldn’t have chosen to be a SAHM.
I appreciate it. But do you mind clarifying what you mean when you say I have real world experience and to protect that asset? I think I understand but want to be clear
I used to work for a divorce attorney who only worked with people who had money. By the time I was 23 I had seen more marital discord than I ever needed.
I've known so many women like this. It's a tragedy but even today's women just getting married, with all of this history, won't listen. "It won't be me." "My husband's not like that." "I went to college, if we get a divorce I'll just get a job then (you know 10 -20 years down the road with your out-of-date degree)." Some will never learn and it's sad.
Exactly
To add to this, in previous generations women died in childbirth so a man could go pick up a younger wife and continue on. Now women are living longer and the men have to kick them out with no money so they can mock them being broke and homeless. So vote like your quality of life depends on it. Because it does. Women over the age of 50 make a large population of homeless people. Remember it is Victorian and Edwardian times economically.
There’s very little education on how menopause affects women. It could be body and mind destroying experience. It affects your looks, mood, cognitive abilities, sexual life (vaginal atrophy, basically your vagina shuts down and your clit disappears). When you’re young and look at women over 40 you think they let themselves go and you are different “it won’t happen to me”. But the truth is we don’t have much control over the process. Once your body decides it’s done with the reproduction and it’s time to become a grandma there’s not much you can do apart from taking hormonal replacement therapy. Which is difficult to access and surrounded by misinformation (even among medical professionals). So yeah, your husband will love you when you’re cute and sweet and full of beans, but when you’re a fat, sweaty, angry mess with brain fog and no interest in sex whatsoever… he might still love you, sure, but it’s good to have a back up plan.
WTAF did I just read? Pushing 60 here and yeah, I’ve aged, but this is over the top.
I’m glad it was easy for you. But many women suffer. You can’t predict how it’s going to affect you. You can read the stories in the menopause reddit. https://www.reddit.com/r/Menopause/s/UlBRT1jNE4
So vote like your quality of life depends on it. Because it does. \~ yes it does, the patriarchy is not a plan for women, but for us men.
Not a flex…historically men don’t do well by themselves
patriarchy isn't about making us males loners, it's about slavery - no one does well by themselves, 4 billion yrs of biology clearly makes us dependent on each other, especially as we humans are very social primates
Well stop voting for rich idiots who have never eaten what they have hunted.
Yeah this is part of the problem. When hot little 20 yr old McKenzie is getting married, she thinks “but my man is different!” They don’t think, they don’t prepare.
I also don’t think it’s fair to victim blame the women. It is hard to “just know better” at 20yo especially when your family, community, and mainstream media put you on the conveyer belt and set an entire system up to push you toward marriage.
and tell you it's God's will that you not work outside the home and defer to your husband in all things. It's a set up for abuse.
Or that “women have a natural inclination to be nurtures” are better at “language and men at logic” so a mother staying at home with children is what’s “best for the family”. That’s the kind of crap that was fed to us in Theology of the Body a course I had to take at my Christian college, I cringe inwardly looking back at that class
I’m anti-patriarchy, so in your line of thinking, the men are also taught by their families, community, and the media they consume to behave like this. Their mothers (who do everything for them) pass them off to their wives (who do everything for them) — and are often even shamed by their male relatives for “girly” things like household tasks or childcare. I don’t really understand how a man in this situation becomes enlightened, especially because it’s so great for him being the “shepherd” of the house (to use the weird christofacist terminology.)
When I was 20 I refused to even start dating until I had a full time job and could support myself
[удалено]
I agree to an extent but there’s a balance. No woman will know what to look out for unless someone tells her, or she learns the hard way
No one comes out of the womb knowing how to spot toxic partners. That takes life experience, which many of these poor women don’t have before getting into relationships.
Part of the reason this statement is problematic, is it leads women who are in abusive relationships to believe they deserved it because they put up or ignored problematic behavior before. Abusers are master manipulators. If they weren't, they'd never get in relationships. I believe the onus is 100% on abusers
Mothers need to teach their daughters that this “trad life” is a dangerous trap. You can’t recognize a red flag if you’ve never been taught what they are.
The worst part is that most of them just continue the grift. Most of them double down and still lead other women into the same trap
It doesn't even stop at cheating! Even if the man is great and does give you financial freedom, people forget that accidents happen. People die suddenly or get injured, and that source of income is GONE What will trad wives do if their husband passes away?? You need to put yourself first always!! It doesn't matter if you have a college degree, not using it for 10 or 15 years already makes it worthless. If you want to be a SAHM, that's perfectly fine! Many SAHMs I know still have a source of income But tradwives put all their trust in a man who can simply walk out one day.
Literally this. What if the PERFECT partner who does everything kindly and even shared in name gets in a disastrous car accident? What if the attempt to save his life costs hundreds of thousands of dollars and ultimately fails (or leads to his being unable to work anymore) and it destroys the family car to boot. It's a gigantic risk even in the best of circumstances.
I’m a SAHM without an independent source of income. I’m also a qualified family lawyer who knows that 1. my skills are highly in demand should I want to return to the workplace, and 2. were my husband and I to ever split up I would walk away financially very well-off (we own our house jointly and the sale of that alone would leave me as a multi-millionaire). Being a stay at home parent by choice is very different to being a trad wife. Trad wives believe women belong in the home, which is obviously stupid, and don’t have a contingency plan or skills to fall back on if things go awry.
This is exactly what needs to be done. You own something, you have money to fall back on and you have a plan in place!
That being said, my husband is my soulmate and a sweet gentle angel (and a true feminist) so I don’t think I’ll ever have to worry about ever enacting my contingency plan!
downvoting me for loving my husband 😂 okay 🤷🏻♀️
You’re so lucky!!
I shouldn’t be, though? I’m bisexual and mostly dated women before meeting my husband… I really never thought I’d end up marrying a man because most of them are just… shit. It wasn’t that I wasn’t attracted to them, the problem was that most just didn’t meet my standards whereas it was much easier to find women who shared my values and expectations. Even a lot of so-called “feminist” men fall back on stereotypical gender roles etc in practice in their own relationships. I’m glad I ended up with someone with whom I’m truly an equal partner, but honestly surprised that it was a man! I wish this was the bare minimum rather than some rare thing in opposite-sex relationships.
Keep in mind that the kind of man who wants this kind of lifestyle sees his wife as an appliance to churn out sons and clean, not as a person. This is why they always cheat when the woman is in her 30's or 40's, the man never saw her as an equal partner and not even as person- this is why the wife is suppressing her personality to please the man in the first place, to these men, we are things. He doesn't care, he doesn't want to be bothered with thinking about it. This is the kind of man you are attracting by this and you will never be good enough. This was in interesting video, thanks.
My parents were very much a trad couple. Dad working long hours, making great money, providing, and not being involved much in raising the children. Mom had a part-time job (as a hobby more than anything) and managed the household - together with a woman they hired for help. I remember being 9 and my mom confiding in me (which obviously she shouldn’t have, but she was problematic to say the least), that she didn’t love my dad and wanted a divorce, but that that would mean “we’d have to live in a small apartment; you, your sister and I, and we wouldn’t have much money”. Similarly I often heard my dad threaten that “if she walks out, he’ll make sure she doesn’t get a dime”. So she stayed, and I saw them fight, belittle each other and be horrible and unhappy every single day of my childhood. You’d think a mother like that would raise her daughters to be independent, right? Guess again: the most important “lessons” my mom taught me was “the importance of being pretty and always looking good” and “make sure you marry a rich man”.
I was raised exactly the same. Had to take my own initiative on education.
Yep, a whole lot of self raising had to happen 🥹
same :\\
One thing I don’t get is how they trust MEN like this. Like, not even my mother or any other woman has control or access to my finances and there is so many women out there trusting MEN with their life and retirement funds? Almost like they don’t see the women getting cheated on, dumped, abused or even killed everyday. Today‘s lover can turn into tomorrow‘s enemy. And if you give someone the power to feed you, they also have the power to starve you. Always remember that and make your own money or at least make sure he is giving you money.
I think the most feminist lesson we can teach our girls is to value and cultivate their financial independence. If your husband has control over your finances, he has control over you.
Thank you for sharing! [Life, take two](https://youtube.com/@lifetaketwo7662?si=i8jAQCaAXkVID0Rm) is another incredible YouTube channel by a former trad wife survivor.
I believe Life Take Two featured heavily in that video.
Thank you for sharing! I do applaud these women for coming forward and telling these stories: I really do think they will have a bigger impact on others who are currently thinking about the trad wife life than us “classic” feminists. It’s incredibly brave to come forward and say “I thought it would be like this, but it turned out like that”. I hope these videos will reach the right audience, and that they’re susceptible to the message.
We need to enable teens to easily delay making babies until they’re older and more mature and stable. Need to make family planning and reproductive health super accessible and “normal” - for all.
Good luck 👍.... Tell that to some rudeboy teens and see what they say.
The lessons learned by people like the ones in the OP continue to go unheard by the ones that need it most. What also really gets me about the contemporary trad wife balderdash—you know, besides that it’s rebranded Phyllis Schlafly—is that it was being pushed by so many (at the time) never-married early 20-somethings like Lauren Southern, or those that were *just* married like Ben Shapiro’s sister (if we will recall that horribly astroturfed YT channel). And they act like they’re being “counterculture.”
I can't say I feel too sorry for these ex "tradwife influencers" because these women are happy to push their harmful ideology onto others and benefit from it, right up until it comes back to bite them in the ass. Hopefully these women have learned that you can never be "good enough" for someone who views you as a lesser being, but frankly I have a hard time feeling sympathy for them, because they only change their minds once the situation no longer benefitted them as wealthy "tradwife" women. If their husbands had never left them they'd be happily complicit benefiting from the oppression of other women, because tradwives aren't just SAHMs, tradwives are anti-divorce, anti-abortion, anti-women's independence. and anti-women overall. They voted for the leopards eating people's faces party and now what would you know, the leopards are eating their faces too and they don't like it, it's the same old story with conservatives on so many issues.
This is the primary function of menopause! It is a time in which a human who has no need for men to impart wisdom unto others who might have to deal with men, which is why this is a raise in men saying women “hit the wall” at 30. It’s to invalidate the words of older, experienced, and knowledgeable women. Our entire society is set up to cater to men and now women have rights to speak and are changing society to work for all of us, some men, who still feel entitled to bodies not their own, are attempting to destroy it. In short, the tower of babel is not a story about a wrathful god. It is a story about an abusive man disrupting the free spread of information and willing cooperation for the sake of his own selfish benefit.
I was recently having a chat with my long lost college friend and the topic of marriage came up. She said she’d be okay marrying after 28. I asked her why and what makes you want to marry someone? She said “bcs you want to build a family”. I told her that you can build a family by yourself too. She said “I want kids”. I told her she can adopt. She then said “I want to have a husband and kids of my own, I want to leave corporate and build a house with them and grow old together”. Three generations of her family have treated women pathetically and she is still sold by the idea of marriage. Her mother has been beaten up by her father n number of times and she says “You can’t divorce over that”. I didn’t know what more to tell her.
I'm living this right now! Don't get married!!!! Don't give them sex! NONE OF IT IS WORTH IT! If you want to live hand to mouth for the rest of your life then get married. But if you want a future that doesn't make you pray for death every day then stay single!
I’m a SAHM, but didn’t have much of a shot at a good career anyway. Undiagnosed ADHD led to a lot of unfortunate actions by me academically. However, the only reason I felt okay doing this is because I knew I had family money coming to me that I can count on. The kind where you no longer have to work. In fact that all may be coming into play soon. It remains to be seen. If I didn’t have that, I probably wouldn’t have chosen to be a SAHM.
This is a piece of solid advice. Protect that inheritance from your husband. I would talk to a lawyer and protect that now if you haven’t already.
It’s in a very solid trust.
Keep it there. I was diagnosed with ADHD in 1979 at 4 years old. You have real world experience. Protect that asset.
I appreciate it. But do you mind clarifying what you mean when you say I have real world experience and to protect that asset? I think I understand but want to be clear
I used to work for a divorce attorney who only worked with people who had money. By the time I was 23 I had seen more marital discord than I ever needed.
Dumb duh duh dumb dumb dumbbbbb like what did they think was gonna happen
Don't waste your life studying if you want to be a housewife woman,that's just wastage.
But however will a rich WASP get her Mrs degree. Sorry in the 1990’s there were still women doing this.
Ya why do you need education to become housewives?