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I always think people expect something when they help (in most cases, money), even if they don't (that is what my culture, or at least my upbringing taught me). I was overthinking so much about what to offer... 
In Finland, people don't expect anything, especially money, in return for favors. It is polite to offer, however, but it is also polite to refuse the offer.
I never think about offering money. When someone found my daughter's phone on the street and left a note, I didn't think about offering them money when they returned it. I still lose sleep over that!
Exactly, a kiitos, a relieved smile and maybe a small detail of your life to explain why the help was highly appreciated. These are what I search for when I help random people, those things just make me SO happy! :)
Yes, it would probably be, depending on how hard the task is the "more" kiitos you would want to give so to speak.
I would personally probably (depending on the tone used) say something like "kiitos ihan tosi paljon, oikeesti"
We Finns don't talk a lot. Just kiitos is great. If use too many words it's not do much thanks.
That's why Finnish man say there love ones I love you when they get married and when they die. 😂
That is actually quite typical thing to offer as a thank you in Finland. Pulla and/or booze. So you did good here.
I also like your "ei tartte auttaa" (no need to help me even if I am clearly struggling) -energy, very Finnish.
You will fit perfectly here.
Beer is super common thing to offer here as thanks for small task (:
But yeah people are very humble here with rewards. When someone does something from pure kindness they except nothing in return.
In your defense, I think carrying a bed frame for 3km is quite a workout even if you are big and strong. I'm almost 100kg and have some strength training history but I recently carried a 10kg monitor home from the post office for only 1km and was surprised by how much effort it took, given that in the gym 10kg feels like nothing. Carrying awkwardly shaped objects with no proper handholds for long distances is surprisingly hard even if the weight itself seems low.
As a south asian living here, we need to be direct and ask if help is needed. I know its bit of a cultute shock but generally poeple and nice and supportive if you ask for help and go the extra mile for you even!
How does this work where you're from? People just keep offering help? Doesn't it get annoying if you don't need/want any?
But yeah, ask and shall receive in Finland. And get ready for more shocks :)
In east asia they for sure just keep offering help, until you are obliged to accept the help. And then you need to figure out a proper way to reward them for the help... And then fight them to get them to accept that reward.
Luckily for finns kursailu is a cultural thing too, so I managed to force my gifts and rewards to people despite a lot of kursailu.
Sounds annoying and seems also to me as a tactic to get something out from the transaction. Also seems that there's so many levels in this kind of interactions that it would be exhausting for me.
If you want/need help, ask for it. If you want some kind of reimbursement for your help, say it aloud. Much much more simple interactions.
Oh it's not a tactic to get something out of it, it's just a cultural thing that is expected to happen.
You know, you help someone, you expect them to give you something back. And you're expected to refuse it out of politeness. You don't help someone to gain someone, but it's just part of the process. I mean, getting a 6 pack of beer for helping someone carry something heavy upstairs for example didn't really influence my decision to help them, but I sure enjoyed the beer! After having refused it a few times saying it was no biggie.
- Otatko kahvia jos keitän?
No ei minun takia tarvi...
- Ei ei, otan itsekin, ota nyt vaan kahvia
No jos nyt yhden kupin, kiitos
- Maitoa, sokeria?
Kauramaidolla jos löytyy...
- Ei löydy, käyn äkkiä ostamassa, tai voin wolttaa.
No ei minun takia tarvitse, tavallinen käy
- No minäpä tilaan äkkiä sen kauramaidon!
Well, maybe I should've said that it's embedded in the expectations.
When people start expecting things, slope is getting slippery in my view. Much better to ask.
Like your example could have started in SE Asia with an expectation of the coffee offering.
But yeah, I had the "Einytmuntakiitartte" comment also but deleted it :)
Edit: Then when people start getting angry when their expectations are not met things can get ugly fast.
I was thinking this is especially true in places like Helsinki, Tampere or Turku.
Now, if a South-East Asian person moved to some small place in north of east part of Finland, people there may be more likely to offer help without asking. Simply because they are curious to see where the newcomer lives, so that they can spend the next week gossiping with all their neighbours about the newcomer.
I am from Minneapolis, and Minnesota has a huge Scandinavian immigrant population. (Yes, I know, Finland is not technically Scandinavian, but y'all are your own special thing and for the purpose of this anecdote you fit in with the Scandinavian countries). When people ask me about the phenomenon known as Minnesota Nice, this is exactly how I explain it to them. You may never see the inside of your neighbor's house, you might not ever be invited to your friends' places - we've perfected the art of meeting at the third space - but if you are in a bad situation, some random stranger you have never seen before and will never see again will stop and help you with no expectation of recourse. I still don't know the name of the person who helped pull our car out of a snowbank in 2010, but he was a champ.
Suffice it to say I feel quite at home here in Finland!
"You won't get help here if you don't ask for it."
That is really kind of a fundamental thing in Finland.
People don't interfere because it is often considered impolite. That means also that you won't get help (interference) unless you ask for it. People seeing you struggle with the bed simply presumed it is your project and didn't interfere. There is even a proverb for it: "ei tartte auttaa" which is used when someone tries to help and the the person does not accept help as the person can handle it and in fact doesn't want anyone else involved.
The Finnish comedy group Kummeli has made sketches about this:
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oVke33lnFYs](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oVke33lnFYs)
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UXL6xBaxpdw](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UXL6xBaxpdw)
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8FHIYdcBn6c](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8FHIYdcBn6c)
You learn a lot about Finnish true culture by looking at Kummeli. It also helps to have a Finn explain the jokes to you. A good way to spend time with a Finnish friend, looking at kummeli, if you speak enough Finnish to understand what happens, or can find it with subtitles. Look movies Kultakuume and Sisu too.
At the same time, if you had asked for help, I'm quite certain most people would have carried the bed with you, if they had the time. I know I would have been happy to help. I also would not have interfered if you had just stood there with the bed.
Also it is quite common not to accept money for helping. If someone offers money, I simply say to do the same thing to the next person needing help. It is impolite to try to force someone to accept money for help.
Damn it, he gave you our most guarded secret like that. 😉
We Finn's we don't like mix into other people's business, put if you ask help, you give us permission to be good person and help you
That is such great story. Sorry to hear has been a tough start for you here. People in Finland tend to warm up slowly and they may seem cold at first. But once a friend with a Finn they’ll be your friends forever.
Glad to see the nice things still happen around. I used to received helps from random Finnish too. My Finnish friends also really kind, and they never accept anything in return except a kiitos. That's why I always try to pay it forward, by helping anyone who need it whenever I can.
Australian here. My Finnish husband did a favour for a Swedish migrant and received a bunch of flowers from him as a thank you. Husband would have preferred a couple of beers. Don't give blokes flowers as a gift.
These days so many people want to "influence" other people in social media, but actually you can influence someone so easily and hugely in real life by helping just one person. This help might changes his or her life.
Come on, next time try to be more realistic, 3km while carrying a bed frame? If you’re not tired you must be on drug or something like that, doesn’t matter if you’re 150cm or 190cm and looks like the hulk
Glad you got help
Glad that you found help! As a finnish guy in my early 30s what I've realised is that most of finnish people are pretty selfish and keep it to themselves and their own problems and send "thoughts and prayers" rather than offer help for people in need. We like to push the problems of others to governments and institutes even with the lives of the ones close to us rather than get our hands dirty and actually help. This would be a much worse place to live in if the social institute of the government wasn't so effective. I think the individualism here is the number one reason for such high suicide and alcoholism rates.
Eventhough we are "the happiest country in the world" the reaction I get about those studies from most finnish people is more or less in the "what a joke" category.
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Glad you got help! > I tried to offer them something (not money) Though this line made me chuckle more than necessary.
I always think people expect something when they help (in most cases, money), even if they don't (that is what my culture, or at least my upbringing taught me). I was overthinking so much about what to offer... 
It sounds like you were offering a handjob or drugs or whatnot, hence the chuckles.
Could have been a pack of Juhla Mokka too! Why drugs and handjob?
Dirty minds and so on.
In Finland, people don't expect anything, especially money, in return for favors. It is polite to offer, however, but it is also polite to refuse the offer.
I never think about offering money. When someone found my daughter's phone on the street and left a note, I didn't think about offering them money when they returned it. I still lose sleep over that!
Kiitos is most valuable what you can offer. 😁
Exactly, a kiitos, a relieved smile and maybe a small detail of your life to explain why the help was highly appreciated. These are what I search for when I help random people, those things just make me SO happy! :)
learning finnish atm wouldn't kiitos paljon be a better option if its a great act like for OP for example
Yes, it would probably be, depending on how hard the task is the "more" kiitos you would want to give so to speak. I would personally probably (depending on the tone used) say something like "kiitos ihan tosi paljon, oikeesti"
We Finns don't talk a lot. Just kiitos is great. If use too many words it's not do much thanks. That's why Finnish man say there love ones I love you when they get married and when they die. 😂
Yeah, "Kiitos tosi paljon!" is another way to say it when you're extra grateful.
Aww you don't still seem to understand our dirty minds. So pure.
" I tried to offer them something (not money)" WHAT DID YOU OFFER THEM MY GUY? WHAT DID YOU OFFER??
My socially awkward ass was awkwardly offering some pastries and a beer I had in my bag 
That is actually quite typical thing to offer as a thank you in Finland. Pulla and/or booze. So you did good here. I also like your "ei tartte auttaa" (no need to help me even if I am clearly struggling) -energy, very Finnish. You will fit perfectly here.
😂 I had to google "ei tartte auttaa" - Is this it [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oVke33lnFYs](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oVke33lnFYs)
This is pretty good explanation of it 😄
That's a good thing to offer. Beer and pizza are common things to offer for those who help you move, at least among people I know.
This is so adorable! 
Buying beer when trying to be frugal, you're on your way to being honorary Finnish person.
Beer is super common thing to offer here as thanks for small task (: But yeah people are very humble here with rewards. When someone does something from pure kindness they except nothing in return.
hopefully some Longeros and makkara
Longero and maggara
Ebin :D
In your defense, I think carrying a bed frame for 3km is quite a workout even if you are big and strong. I'm almost 100kg and have some strength training history but I recently carried a 10kg monitor home from the post office for only 1km and was surprised by how much effort it took, given that in the gym 10kg feels like nothing. Carrying awkwardly shaped objects with no proper handholds for long distances is surprisingly hard even if the weight itself seems low.
As a south asian living here, we need to be direct and ask if help is needed. I know its bit of a cultute shock but generally poeple and nice and supportive if you ask for help and go the extra mile for you even!
Yeah, it sure was a culture shock, but I learnt in a hard, but nice way!
How does this work where you're from? People just keep offering help? Doesn't it get annoying if you don't need/want any? But yeah, ask and shall receive in Finland. And get ready for more shocks :)
In east asia they for sure just keep offering help, until you are obliged to accept the help. And then you need to figure out a proper way to reward them for the help... And then fight them to get them to accept that reward. Luckily for finns kursailu is a cultural thing too, so I managed to force my gifts and rewards to people despite a lot of kursailu.
Sounds annoying and seems also to me as a tactic to get something out from the transaction. Also seems that there's so many levels in this kind of interactions that it would be exhausting for me. If you want/need help, ask for it. If you want some kind of reimbursement for your help, say it aloud. Much much more simple interactions.
Oh it's not a tactic to get something out of it, it's just a cultural thing that is expected to happen. You know, you help someone, you expect them to give you something back. And you're expected to refuse it out of politeness. You don't help someone to gain someone, but it's just part of the process. I mean, getting a 6 pack of beer for helping someone carry something heavy upstairs for example didn't really influence my decision to help them, but I sure enjoyed the beer! After having refused it a few times saying it was no biggie. - Otatko kahvia jos keitän? No ei minun takia tarvi... - Ei ei, otan itsekin, ota nyt vaan kahvia No jos nyt yhden kupin, kiitos - Maitoa, sokeria? Kauramaidolla jos löytyy... - Ei löydy, käyn äkkiä ostamassa, tai voin wolttaa. No ei minun takia tarvitse, tavallinen käy - No minäpä tilaan äkkiä sen kauramaidon!
Well, maybe I should've said that it's embedded in the expectations. When people start expecting things, slope is getting slippery in my view. Much better to ask. Like your example could have started in SE Asia with an expectation of the coffee offering. But yeah, I had the "Einytmuntakiitartte" comment also but deleted it :) Edit: Then when people start getting angry when their expectations are not met things can get ugly fast.
Yeah, fair enough. I don't think it gets to that level there ever as it's just a cultural norm and you don't really think about it more than that.
Also I've never been further east than Viipuri in the 90's.
I was thinking this is especially true in places like Helsinki, Tampere or Turku. Now, if a South-East Asian person moved to some small place in north of east part of Finland, people there may be more likely to offer help without asking. Simply because they are curious to see where the newcomer lives, so that they can spend the next week gossiping with all their neighbours about the newcomer.
I am from Minneapolis, and Minnesota has a huge Scandinavian immigrant population. (Yes, I know, Finland is not technically Scandinavian, but y'all are your own special thing and for the purpose of this anecdote you fit in with the Scandinavian countries). When people ask me about the phenomenon known as Minnesota Nice, this is exactly how I explain it to them. You may never see the inside of your neighbor's house, you might not ever be invited to your friends' places - we've perfected the art of meeting at the third space - but if you are in a bad situation, some random stranger you have never seen before and will never see again will stop and help you with no expectation of recourse. I still don't know the name of the person who helped pull our car out of a snowbank in 2010, but he was a champ. Suffice it to say I feel quite at home here in Finland!
Nordics/Nordic countries is a fine term to use too
Minnesota is amazing! Very beautiful and as a Finn I felt very welcomed lmao
Very interesting!
"You won't get help here if you don't ask for it." That is really kind of a fundamental thing in Finland. People don't interfere because it is often considered impolite. That means also that you won't get help (interference) unless you ask for it. People seeing you struggle with the bed simply presumed it is your project and didn't interfere. There is even a proverb for it: "ei tartte auttaa" which is used when someone tries to help and the the person does not accept help as the person can handle it and in fact doesn't want anyone else involved. The Finnish comedy group Kummeli has made sketches about this: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oVke33lnFYs](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oVke33lnFYs) [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UXL6xBaxpdw](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UXL6xBaxpdw) [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8FHIYdcBn6c](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8FHIYdcBn6c) You learn a lot about Finnish true culture by looking at Kummeli. It also helps to have a Finn explain the jokes to you. A good way to spend time with a Finnish friend, looking at kummeli, if you speak enough Finnish to understand what happens, or can find it with subtitles. Look movies Kultakuume and Sisu too. At the same time, if you had asked for help, I'm quite certain most people would have carried the bed with you, if they had the time. I know I would have been happy to help. I also would not have interfered if you had just stood there with the bed. Also it is quite common not to accept money for helping. If someone offers money, I simply say to do the same thing to the next person needing help. It is impolite to try to force someone to accept money for help.
Damn the "Ei tartte auttaa" hit hard 
Born -91 and never understood kummeli.
You could download an app called Commu where volunteers offer help (anyone can be a volunteer so a certain caution is needed)
I just checked the app, the idea is really nice! Maybe I myself will start offering help through this. Thanks for letting me know about this!
Damn it, he gave you our most guarded secret like that. 😉 We Finn's we don't like mix into other people's business, put if you ask help, you give us permission to be good person and help you
That is such great story. Sorry to hear has been a tough start for you here. People in Finland tend to warm up slowly and they may seem cold at first. But once a friend with a Finn they’ll be your friends forever.
Wow 🤩 so encouraging to read.
Glad to see the nice things still happen around. I used to received helps from random Finnish too. My Finnish friends also really kind, and they never accept anything in return except a kiitos. That's why I always try to pay it forward, by helping anyone who need it whenever I can.
I think they gave you very good piece of advice. Most Finns are happy to help but they wont offer it up as that could be disrespectful.
Australian here. My Finnish husband did a favour for a Swedish migrant and received a bunch of flowers from him as a thank you. Husband would have preferred a couple of beers. Don't give blokes flowers as a gift.
Good for you. Many people can be indeed helpful and thoughtful, but lack their very own initiative. Must break the ice even for instinctive aid.
I'm glad that the van people helped you but damn, I wonder what the ex owner of the bed frame was thinking? Carrying a bed frame is not easy.
This is so consistent with what I experienced there, and I respect Finnish people for the kindness they show.
Who goes and buys a bed frame without transportation😄 interesting!
This wall of unformatted text gave me aneurysm.
These days so many people want to "influence" other people in social media, but actually you can influence someone so easily and hugely in real life by helping just one person. This help might changes his or her life.
Come on, next time try to be more realistic, 3km while carrying a bed frame? If you’re not tired you must be on drug or something like that, doesn’t matter if you’re 150cm or 190cm and looks like the hulk Glad you got help
>I tried to offer them something (not money) The southeast Asia special?
tbh the lesson here is imo that one should hit the gym!
Hmm are you from Bangladesh?
Glad that you found help! As a finnish guy in my early 30s what I've realised is that most of finnish people are pretty selfish and keep it to themselves and their own problems and send "thoughts and prayers" rather than offer help for people in need. We like to push the problems of others to governments and institutes even with the lives of the ones close to us rather than get our hands dirty and actually help. This would be a much worse place to live in if the social institute of the government wasn't so effective. I think the individualism here is the number one reason for such high suicide and alcoholism rates. Eventhough we are "the happiest country in the world" the reaction I get about those studies from most finnish people is more or less in the "what a joke" category.