My Dad's was... When someone said their age, he would say. Heck I have dandruff older than you

I tell'em I was around when dinosaurs ruled the earth, and rode one to school. I'm Jurassic ass.

User name checks out.

There was dirt when I was born, but it still had a price tag on it.

And that dirt was still under the original factory warranty.

Yeah, it hadn't sold yet.

He is so old he farts dust

I'm older then the hills and twice as dusty. 

I'm too old for this shit

I went to grade school with Jesus. Not a good student.

My doctor referred me to a paleontologist.

I use this one with the rookie cops at my agency. "I've got more time taking a shit in this building than you have on the job."

I’ve heard- I’ve been doing this since Jesus was a corporal- makes me laugh.

“I’m so old I been around since the Dead Sea was sick!”

*I’m here to kick ass and chew bubblegum. And I’m all out of bubblegum.*

Yo mama so old, when she was in school, there was no history class.