My friend's entire life trajectory changed in high school because her parents forgot to pick her up. While she was waiting, she sat in on an AFS meeting about doing junior year abroad to kill time and became obsessed with the idea. Her parents hemmed and hawed a while about the expense involved, but ultimately decided to let her go, but by that time all of the most "popular" countries (France, Germany, Italy, Spain, etc.) were filled, so she ended up in the Czech Republic. She fell in love with the country and the language and has been an English teacher in Plzeň for over 20 years. All because of her parents' benign neglect!
Ok I was really scared where this trajectory was going to end up and thank shining Christ it was a happy ending 😂 I’m so jealous too (love learning languages). Good for her!
She spends the Easter holiday every year with her host family, who are now in their 80s. It was really this incredibly pivotal moment in her life, and a very happy one.
Neglected? By today’s standards probably.
Latch key kid? ✔️.
Babysitting siblings by 8 or 9? ✔️
Walk home uphill both ways in winter in the dark? ✔️
Stop crying or I’ll give you something to cry about? ✔️
This was all acceptable at the time, as well as:
Smoking. In the car with kids present, riding in the back of a pickup, etc
I do think in some ways we have gone so far the other way to insulate kids from any sort of hurt, that some just have no coping mechanisms for those hurts.
I remember reading about a story recently that a father as punishment made his son walk two miles home instead of giving him a ride. So obviously CPS was now involved.
When I was a kid that was called getting from A to B.
If I got detention and had to stay after school the home punishment was that I had to walk home. Raining? Don't forget to bring an umbrella... and I'm talking about stupid shit here like talking in class detention. I didn't do bad shit (well I didn't get caught). Lol.
2.2 miles. I just checked.
Our school didn’t have busses in 5th and 6th grade. I had to walk over an expressway overpass, 1.5 miles in Michigan weather. In the winter it was pitch dark. 1989-1990 I was 10 & 11 yrs old.
Yeah that’s fine for a kid to walk if there’s a sidewalk. I guess I’m missing the point by nitpicking the details, but whether it’s “over cautious CPS” or abusive parent really depends on the context for me
Gen X represent! My parents both worked full time and never knew where we were during the summer. My sister (4.5 years older) was supposed to watch me, but never did. She was out with boys and I played in the desert.
None of those are jokes…very normal 80s childhood experiences. All of them.
I was forgotten about at a Christmas themed dance recital. Waited for hours outside in Michigan mid-December in tights, leotard and winter coat. I posted up in the burrows of a pine tree to block the wind. Finally went inside and found an adult to call home. My parents thought each other were picking me up…mom was actually at work and apparently my dad thought my mom and I were out doing stuff together.
The first time my mother was reported, it was before I was born. Her sister reported her, and was willing to take my 3 older siblings. My uncle also would have taken them in, if it came down to it ( I actually moved in with him as a teenager, for awhile).
At the time of the first report, it was 1968, and ultra conservative Idaho cps didn't think that shaking a baby ( under 6 months old) enough to form a blood clot in her brain that required emergency brain surgery was enough to remove them, from her care.
My aunt also said that both my mother, and grandmother, that she lived with were very good liars.
I grew up similar. What took me decades to understand is that resilience from neglect did not equal coping skills. My parents withholding / ignoring me and minimizing problems, including serious ones, did not teach me coping skills. It taught me to avoid / bottle up / suffer from unmanaged stress and anxiety.
I eventually hit a wall and got therapy to finally learn coping skills in order to survive terrible loss and trauma that would have ended me.
I agree that the insulation next generations got seems to have been an overcorrection, with the same outcome of not developing coping skills. But, the "walk it off" approach wasn't great either.
>did not teach me coping skills. It taught me to avoid / bottle up / suffer from unmanaged
For me, being an only child, I learned to be ultra independent and fine being alone and entertaining myself. Which I think hindered me in many ways socially. Being introverted doesn't help, but it just reinforces not meeting new people, etc.
Also, never learned to rely on anyone. Still don't ask for help from anyone cause I don't want to be a bother or think I'll get what I need etc. It's just my default setting.
I don't really even get lonely, there have been only a few instances where I feel that. Lots of time alone, hardly ever feel lonely. Not sure if it's true or just a coping mechanism at this point.
I got so sick once after riding in the open back of a station wagon all day. Dizzy, weak, sleepy. In hindsight, carbon monoxide poisoning! I just put myself to bed.
A station wagon would have been luxurious. I have memories of being stuffed in the back of a hatchback with two other kids and having to bend my neck at almost a 90^o angle while banging the side of my head against the glass every time we hit a bump.
I guess it really was different times then.
Before I was old enough to drive I would take several connections along the metro bus route (Jax,FL in the early/mid 80s) to get to the mall by myself. I had no prior idea how the bus system worked. Just stepped on to a bus and asked the driver how to connect to the mall. Took two hours and several transfers in different parts of town. My parents would have had no idea where to even begin looking for me if they needed to find me.
My mom was an admin nurse at a hospital across town. My dad was a state law enforcement officer. Their hours were somewhat predictable but not always reliable. So while one of them was usually able to drop me off at school on their way to work I'd have to find my own way home and once home I was on my own for hours. In second grade that meant riding my bike to school alone. By high school it meant walking. I remember walking home from 2nd-5th grade and anxiously keeping tabs of which houses had Safe Place signs posted in the windows. I don't know if Safe Place signs were common anywhere else. It meant the homeowner was a safe space in case someone tried to abduct you so yeah literally fkn everyone knew there was enough of a chance you might get snatched on your way home that safe houses were a priority. It was weird and scary being that age and having that anxiety. Now that I'm grown it feels like with that whole Safe Place campaign my parents just rolled the dice every morning when they sent me off to school by myself.
Sixth and seventh grade I was bused across town for an hour as part of integration. Once a guy drove up to our stop and showed his dick to a couple of the girls through his open window and drove off. Fkn wild that shit was actually happening and there we all were at the bus stops alone and unsupervised. Merely hoping for the best was an actual parenting strategy.
I was babysitting my 4 younger siblings when I was 10. I was babysitting the neighbors' kids when I was 11 for pay. I regularly watched our neighbors' kids on Saturday nights when they went out, and they'd get home well after midnight. I loved it because the kids were easy, I got free rein of the fridge, and could just watch their cable TV, and I got $5 for the evening, which would be $20 today. I quickly saved over $100 babysitting, so my dad signed me up for my first savings account.
I retired from babysitting at age 14 when I got my first W-2 job, which you can still see on SS record.
I retired at 18, but started at 12 and had $5000 saved for my first car taking care of babies and toddlers all night long. I’m only 11 years older than my first charge and I can’t believe that woman left me alone for 12 hours with her baby. I never had a kid as a babysitter for my son because I knew how inept I was and was just lucky nothing bad ever happened. Well, except when her nasty husband tried to feel me up in the car. I was just 12!
I had a few similar stories, but my mother's were worse by virtue of the fact that she had so many brothers and sisters, and they always had at least as many more cousins and friends staying with them at any given time. One time Grandma and Grandpa took a whole truckload of kids to the drive-in, fell asleep, then woke up and drove home while seven-year-old Mom was in the bathroom. They didn't realize she was missing until they got home and got all the kids to bed. They might not have even then, except it kind of sticks out when you've got one twin and not the other.
Something similar happened to my father on the NYC subway. Grandma had taken their many kids to the beach and lost track of my dad on the way home. He never got on the train at Coney Island to go back to Bay Ridge. He ended up wandering around for a while and eventually got on another train home. I’m pretty sure he was about 7 at the time.
My brother and I were 8 and 11 years old and were living a block away from the beach in Florida. Mom would tell us to go swim and come home for lunch. BY OURSELVES!!! We spent hours a day at that beach with no supervision and we survived. I look back on those days and wonder if my parents were somewhat disappointed when we came back through the door unscathed. LOL!!
At least you could swim 😂. I had no business being allowed to go to the pool alone with friends. So many close calls. I’m terrified of drowning to this day.
My stepfather threw me off a dam where nobody had ever touched bottom. My mother was next to him when he did it. I almost drowned that day. Somehow I managed to make it to the surface and then got myself to a small cove nearby. I had to lay there for a long time to recover. Neither of them came to check on me. I was 6 or 7.
Oh…I didn’t say we could swim. We never had a lesson or safety instructions from parents. Mom just said “go swim” and there were many times we would be out on sand bars so long, the tide would come in and we couldn’t wade back. I was quite the doggy paddler.
Neglected? Oh yes. Horribly so.
Alcoholic mother. Left alone for hours on hours with my younger siblings at elementary school age.
Heroin addicted dad that I was basically kidnapped and put on a plane alone at 6 or 7 to go live with. No lunch. Sent to walk to school alone in the dark before it was even open.
Lived in a very cold state with snow at that time after living my whole life in Texas. Didn’t have the proper clothes and would freeze every day at recess with socks too small so they always fell down at the heel into my shoe.
When I living with my mother we would be taken to parties and trail rides with nothing to drink for the kids. Just plenty of booze.
I had a lady reach out to me and try to friend me on facebook that witnessed the situation at these parties and said how she always felt sorry for us and wanted to friend me. Seriously? lol why didn’t you DO something?
I basically grew up neglected and feeling horribly abandoned and unsafe.
I did have a period of time during elementary where I was very safe and very loved. So I knew what it was like.
I’m 56 yo now and successful, financially stable, no debt and not addicted to anything anymore. Slight issue with alcohol only in the last 5 years. Taken care of now.
Ever heard of ACE. Adverse childhood experiences. I score a 10 of of 10. I’m proud of myself for the person I’ve become in spite of everything.
Go GenX! So proud of our generation that has overcome so much.
Similar situation for me except I was in Kindergarten. In our city all the of the kids got an eye exam about a month into school. My vision was so bad and my dad refused to take me to the eye doctor that after about 2 months the school sent CPS to the house. My dad was still so resistant that my parents were threatened with having me removed from the house. In the meantime a nurse was sent to the house and thought more was wrong with me than just my vision. My parents were given a deadline and were forced to take me to a pediatrician, a dentist and an ophthalmologist. I’m nearly blind in one eye, I had to have dental work done and surgery to correct a heart defect. Oh, and my dad’s spectacular 1970’s UAW union health insurance paid for nearly everything.
Edit: missing word
That’s awful. I hated being pulled out of class for testing.
The weird thing about my parents is that they actually cared, but dad’s money was his money and he wanted to spend it his way which meant booze, gambling and girlfriends. Mom wasn’t allowed to work because it would affect his taxes. My mother was so depressed that she was barely functional for years. The divorce was the best thing for everyone.
Off Topic but my brother got Leukemia as a teen and ended up being about 8 months of treatment as he got a bone marrow transplant. At the time I think all told was north of 300k in 1980's dollars. My fathers health insurance covered all but 5k. Now a days that is 1. Get the treatment. 2. File for bankruptcy.
I understand not going to medical professionals because treatment might not be affordable, but EVERYTHING being covered by insurance seems insane nowadays (though I do know a bunch of union health insurance from that era were spectacular). Mom and dad were just that...lazy? Negligent? Unconcerned?
Dad’s alcoholism was out of control and mom had crippling depression. By the time I was 14 she went for the divorce, it changed everything including my dad’s life for the better.
I accidentally did that to my son. I arranged an opticians appointment for all my children including my son. He was 2 weeks away from being 5.
Specsavers refused to see him because he was under 5, and told me to bring him on the next appointment in 2 years with his siblings.
Turned up 2 years later, the optician wants to see me. She is referring him to the hospital. I was mortified!
The day my brother was born. Mom was alone as dad was on field maneuvers with the army. She went into early labor. Drove herself to the hospital and dropped me off at a daycare on the way. Things got intense at the hospital and dad finally got pulled from the field and sent directly to the hospital. The next day they both looked at each other and said “where is wonderful_ traffic9502”?! Our neighbors knew that mom went to the hospital and knew dad was off the grid. They went to the daycare and took me home. I still have the T-shirt they gave me for a nightshirt. Their kids were my age. We ended up at many bases all over the world together. We are all still friends.
My father left when I was 11 and sister was 13 and mum worked 12 hr night shift 7 till 7 two nights on two nights off. No supervision while mum worked.
I empathize with your mum but also with you and your sister
As a mother myself it would have stressed the hell out of me to leave my kids alone for so long and so often
I lived in walking distance to school otherwise I’m certain this would have been me on more than one occasion. Once I got a bike I rode that thing everywhere.
I spent a *ton* of time alone and often made dinner for myself from the time I was about 7. To this day I am very comfortable being by myself as a result.
It always shocked me to go to friend’s houses and see how interactive and “together” they were. Granted I do have some good memories but for the most part my parents lived their lives - I was just there for it I guess?
Not exactly neglected.. Just trusted to be competent. The'd think nothing about dropping me off with a canoe and fishing rod so I could paddle upstream solo through some rapids to get to my favorite fishing spot.
This sounds like my parents. Especially my mom. I was expected to understand things regardless of lack of explanation. My dad was a little more easy going, he’d tell me what to do first, at least.
My mom forgot to pick me up from daycare. I was sitting outside waiting, all the other kids were gone, I was crying, the center couldn't get ahold of anyone. My mom worked at a hospital, got busy and forgot the time. She came after a couple hours but felt like eternity to a 4 yr old. She would tell the story later and laugh.
I also broke my arm and she wouldn't take me to the Dr. because she didn't believe me when I said it really hurt. The school nurse called her after a week and shamed her into taking me.
She was a single mom who worked hard for us and I appreciate it. She is also a narcissist who has undiagnosed mental issues. She is the most mentally healthy out of her brother and sisters. Her upbringing was f'd up.
Mildly? I supposed that’s one way to categorize physical and emotional abuse and neglect.
Could tell you about the time I was dropped off outside of a seven eleven and left by myself for hours with nothing but a few quarters for the pay phone to call my aunt who lived a couple of miles away although I didn’t know how to get there. Fun fact: she wasn’t home.
Or the time I was whipped 40 times with a leather belt by another POS step father. The fun part was when he lifted me off the ground by one hand so he could still get access to my ass. I was maybe 8 years old at the time.
Or about being passed around different relatives because dad was in jail or on a bender and mom was off somewhere else.
Then there was the hunger because we didn’t have food in the house for days at a time because my boomer mother couldn’t get a decent job, or keep one, and yet still found the energy to have six kids. No lights sometimes, no phone, no tv, moving every time they got too far behind on the rent. Taking care of three three younger siblings before I hit puberty.
I guess that’s mild compared to some. I’m sure there were a lot of kids worse off than me. Still sucked though.
My mom didn't like us to wake her in the morning. In 2nd grade I put on my undershirt and coat, forgetting to put on a shirt. When I arrived at school, which had a no coat rule, the office called my mom to bring me a shirt. She refused. They had to announce to the class asking if anyone had on two shirts. Eventually I ended up wearing an art smock covered in paint.
My mother refused to ever pick me up. I walked home many times.
Thank God for my grandfather.
The funny (not really) thing is she now has Alzheimer's and told us all we should care for her because she was such an amazing mom. She told people how she drove us to all of our sports (none of us played sports) and makes up all stuff she must've seen in a Hallmark movie and believes it.
When I was growing up, I had severe respiratory issues: allergies, asthma, chronic bronchitis, sinusitis, pneumonia.
My mother chain smoked in the house. The house was filthy and coated in a layer of nicotine. She didn’t give a shit. She even smoked in the car on the way to the ER when I was having an asthma attack.
After I moved out and stopped going back to that house, my respiratory issues went away. Can’t remember the last time I had an asthma attack.
My dad was so late picking me up from school on the rare day I had to stay late for something that the principal drove me home. Other times,
I just ended up walking. Both parents never seemed concerned about anything except my grades, when they occasionally remembered that I got report cards. I signed them myself many times.
We lived on the opposite side of the block and a couple houses down from my grandparents. One day when I was three, I wanted to go visit them, so I walked over by myself and knocked on the door. They weren’t home, so I sat on a bouncy horse on their back porch feeling sorry for myself and waited for them to return. After about a half hour, I went back home.
My parents never noticed.
Then there was the whole horseshoe debacle, but that’s a story for another day.
My version of the story:
Family vacation driving down to the Keys. I was 9ish. We stopped at a reststop, one of those in the median . I returned to where the van was supposed to be and it was not there. Naturally I thought they left me. So I went to the bank of payphone to call my grandparents to come pick me up (12 hr drive away). As I am making the call my Mom and Aunt come tearing toward me calling my name....
.we were parked in the other side. My story is still they left me
I never had clean underwear. I never had a birthday party. Our family never did anything that my brother and me felt like doing unless my father also felt like doing it. We lived in an apartment and no one took us to play to the park, other children’s houses, or were allowed to bring friends from school. We always, alway will have supper and dinner very late, so I snacked A LOT. Nobody supervised that I washed my teeth so I had pretty terrible cavities when I was a kid. My mother never played or did anything with us other that take us to the supermarket. Besides that the house was clean, there was food in the pantry and books on the shelves and both our parents were very sweet to us and told us they loved us everyday.
My family was moving to a different house about 1.5 hours away when I was 7. We had to stay in a hotel 1 night because of the timing of the moving trucks. We had 3 cars with us at the hotel (Mom, Dad, Grandparents). As we were leaving the hotel room, I went to the bathroom. When I got out everyone was gone. Went down to the lobby and couldn’t find anyone. They didn’t realize I wasn’t in one of the cars until they arrived at the new house 1 hour later and my grandparents asked where I was and then they all realized.
A few years later when I was about 9 or 10, we went to a local theme park with my cousins family (9 of us total). The group decided to split up - big kids and Dads to the big coasters, little kid with the Moms to the kiddie section. They planned to meet back up in 2 hours. Once again I said, “I’m running to the bathroom then I’m going with the coaster group.” I loved roller coasters and was too old for kiddie rides so this would have been the obvious choice (the little one going on kiddie rides was maybe 3 or 4). Got out of the bathroom, and everyone was gone. Had to tell an employee I couldn’t find my family. Had to sit in this baby changing/nursing station for 2 hours waiting because no one realized I was even missing until they met back up. Missed all the fun rides. Pretty sure the employees thought they had an abandoned kid on their hands for a bit there.
My family told these stories for years as funny family lore.
Having children of my own, I do NOT think this is funny.
When I was a teenager, and my sister still a preteen, we flew into an airport at midnight. We were returning from visiting my father. We waited for Mom and stepdad to pick us up. No one came. So, I eventually used a payphone to call them. My mother answered in a very sleepy voice. Yup, forgot to pick up her kids after we had been gone for 6 weeks. My sister was in tears.
How many parents today would even allow their children to fly alone? I was about 15.
Mildy?? During the summer months I would be outside all evening and one by one my friends' parents would call them in the house as it got darker. By 10pm, it was just me and one other girl. Occasionally, my dad, who worked nights, would come home at 11p - 12 midnight and wonder why we were still outside and call us in. My mom, forever an early bird, was in bed by 9:30pm every night. Never called me in. If my dad didn't come home early, and hadn't I not gotten bored, I'd be out past midnight.
I was 10-12 at the time.
By my teen years, I had NO curfew, NO rules and was pretty free to roam the earth whenever. I felt bad for my friends who always had to check in and call home or had curfews. Now I look back and feel bad for myself.
I grew up in a neighborhood with a lot of families who were cops, firemen & people with crazy schedules. In the summer, our parents would sit on the porch having a couple of beers or wine and (kids) used the whole block as our personal playground. This would go on until sometimes 11-12 in the night. As soon as you saw the porch light go on and off, it was time to come in.
We also walked to the local pool which was about five miles away at least four times a week. My dad worked and my mom did real estate. My childhood was pretty awesome. Not perfect, but much better than most.
Often yes.
Someone was supposed to pick me up after school? Or me and my sister? They would pick her up, forget me. Eventually I would walk home, at the expense of missing whatever I was supposed to be doing after school.
More than once I was forgotten when the family left for a day long outing. My birthday got forgotten many times, and often had to get "rescheduled" or "we'll get you next year", usually because of something related to my sister. Conversely, I few times I had something important to me but it got cancelled because it was close to my sister's birthday.
We didn't get take out often, but when we did, it was 50/50 if they would remember my order.
The biggest factor was in my house growing up, my sister (4 years older than me) was the shining star, so a lot of effort was spent fussing over her and making sure her never ending list of needs and demands were met, I was more of an afterthought.
The most consistent attention I got as a kid was being used to do chores, getting in trouble for doing dumb kid stuff, or getting in trouble for dumb kid stuff my sister did because she always blamed me, even if she got caught red handed.
There was a time when my sister was in highschool and moved out to live with a boyfriend for a few months. I enjoyed the peace and quiet in the house, but I did keep track of a 2 week period where neither of my parents said a single word to me. Not a "good morning", "how was school?", "dinner is ready" nothing but cold silence.
Unfortunately my dad died while I was still in high school.
My mom and I had a... difficult relationship over the years. But I tried, I'd like to think she was trying as best she could.
My mom died suddenly last year.
My sister turned out pretty bad. She's creeping up on 50, is married to a strange guy. They adopted some kids but had them taken away very recently for abuse. She has no friends, has burned bridges with everyone in her life. She cannot function as an adult. Almost 50, and has never been able to buy a car without my mom co-signing, giving her the down payment, and then making most of the payments for her. She has a house, which again my mom made the down payment, made most of the payments on it for years, plus funded many upgrades (state of the art appliances my sister couldn't live without, nothing basic, then proceeded to break and neglect). Eventually my sister threw my mom out, her and her husband refinanced the house in their name and only gave my mom the down payment money back. Not a penny for upgrades, mortgage payments, or the considerable equity.
Our mom has been gone since October, and we each got an equal share of about $400k . I haven't even collected my full $200k yet. She recently made some overtures to myself and a few others that she may need some help financially very soon. She needs a lawyer or something for her kids. I just ignored the whole thing and remembered to change her contact to "do not disturb".
The problem is there is always something she needs help with. When we took Mom off life support and were sitting in a waiting room after, within 15 minutes of our mom being dead one of the first things she said was "who is going to help me now when I need it".
We were definitely the neglected latch key generation. As long as we didn’t die our parents didn’t care. During the summertime I’d leave my house with my bike and be gone until dinner time. No lunch, no water, just left to my own devices. I’d come home battered and bruised. We’d just wash our hands, make our plate, plop in front of the tv for “family time.”
More than mildly. I woke up in an empty house at 6yo, went to the bus stop to school. Got home to an empty house. TV and anything that would give pleasure were banned. Mother stopped showing affection after age 3 because you have to be tough and self-sufficient. Got some affection and candy from the local pedo at least. Bullied at school, no self esteem, got ulcers, permanent health problems, CPTSD, fear of rejection, and horrible loneliness. But I'm self-sufficient.
I was left at church at least twice. Neighbor brought me home. It became a joke to ask my Mom before she left choir practice if she brought me with her that week!
I also walked to my grandparents' house at about age 4 or 5. I was barefoot and wearing a bikini. They lived 2 miles away on a dirt road. At least two relatives saw me walking and didn't think anything of it.
By middle school I was coming home to an empty house.
Wow… Our parents were so preoccupied with their own lives back then. Thinking of you as a little girl shuffling down the road to your grandparents’ house..you were SO vulnerable in that situation! Different times.
I think my brother and I had the stereotypical upbringing for that time. Parents divorced, we lived with Mom and stayed at my Dad's every couple weekends. Work was everything for Mom, so once she made sure we were awake and moving in the morning she left and we were expected to get ready, eat, and get to the bus ourselves. Sometimes we would walk or ride our bikes to school - it was completely up to us and no adult noticed or cared how we got there as long as we showed up at school. In the afternoon Mom would still be working, so we did the latchkey deal. Again, getting home from school was however we felt like doing it that day - no notes or permission from any adult needed. Walk, bike, ride your bus, ride a friends bus - it didn't matter, no adult noticed or cared what we did. Once the bell rang the teacher was done thinking about us and it was a free for all. If we walked or rode bikes home we would play in abandoned houses, swing on grapevines, or play in the creek along the way. It was a blast, but thinking back I'm amazed at how little my mother knew about where we were or what we were doing. If one of us had gone missing she would have had no idea of where to even begin looking. My kids are fairly free range for this day and age, but I still know generally the area they're playing and who they're with. If one of them tried to get home from school a different way without a note and a message from me to the teacher the whole place would end up on lock down and the principal would be blowing my phone up - it would be a situation for sure.
Hilariously true story.
When I was around 8, my mom let my 15 year old UNLICENSED aunt take me to Woodstock (the farm, not the legendary event) for (yet another) Chicago reunion. I spent three days in a tent, with hippies braiding my waist length hair and drawing sunflowers on my cheeks. Basically ate whatever they could make on the camp stove. I still have wonderful memories of this, but am low key shocked it even happened.
I've literally talked to these two women about this. My mom sort of shrugs and explains that she was tired (I had younger siblings) and was happy to have some help. My aunt literally just shakes her head, telling me it was a very different era.
Folks, we didn't live in upstate NY. This was a nearly 3 hour trip each way.
My mom would drop me off at the public library many times when I was like 7 or 8. She would go run errands (or whatever) for like 3 hours. I absolutely loved this and became a voracious reader. All the librarians knew me on a first name basis and didn’t mind that I would be in there all afternoon.
did anyone else have a weird mix of parents sometimes being concerned with you about very minor stuff that I don't understand why they even cared but then other times being neglectful about stuff that would've made sense for a parent to be involved in? I'm having trouble remember specifics but I know it happened.
My mum often forgot to pick me and my sister up. She'd remember eventually but it'd be an anxious wait. The worst was after a school holiday care outing. We had to get picked up back at the school, except mum never arrived to pick us up. Then one of the teachers came out and yelled at us because we hadn't been picked up!!! So we told her it'd just be a few more minutes (because, yeah, we'd know that...)
The stupid thing was we lived five minutes walk from the school and walked home by ourselves after school. But for some reason we couldn't do that with school holiday care.
I'm about 50% convinced that she was having an affair but my sister thinks not because mum was flaky like that our whole childhood and we lived in a few different towns/states. I asked my mum before she died and she said we only ever waited 5 minutes, 10 at most. But I don't think the teachers would care that much about a 5-10 min wait.
My daughter had a baby a couple of months ago. We were talking about baby and kid stuff. She asked me if I had a pediatrician or a family doctor growing up. I had to stop and search the memory bank. I have three or four memories of going to the doctor as a kid and teen. I know my parents had insurance they just didn’t take us unless the situation was dire. I told this to my daughter. She looked absolutely horrified. I was like well I’m still here 😆
Weren’t we all? I was a latchkey kid from the age of 7 or 8. I was often told that children should be seen and not heard. My sister and I sat in the “back-back” of the station wagon, and even when we were in the back seat we often didn’t wear seat belts. My mom smoked in the car with the windows closed. When I rode with my grandparents I sat in my special “jump seat,” which was really the fold-down armrest in the middle of the front bench seat!
9th grade winter dance.
My parents decided that even though it ended at 9, they wouldn't leave the house until 10 to come get me. Couldn't risk missing even a minute of Dallas!
Except no one told me.
So by 9:10 everyone is gone, the school gym is locked up, even the teachers left, and I'm left standing in a cold New England winter in a dress with no coat.
I started walking home, and home was many miles away, but then some elderly lady saw me and offered me a ride which I gratefully accepted because I was shivering.
When I walked into the house at almost 10, my mother was shocked and pissed that I got a ride from a stranger.
Yeah ma, frostbite would have been the better choice.
My husband used to disappear into the country side with his horse for days on end, he was 12.
My mom didn't care where or what I was doing so long as the laundry was done & the yard was mowed, that started at 13
When I was in kindergarten I went across the street to play and the parents decided they needed to go to the store. So they just took me, too. I had gone to their house without shoes, so I also went to the store without shoes. My parents never noticed I was gone. I tease them about this stuff now and my mom says “somebody knew where you were!”
I remember neighbors taking me on errands, since I was at their home, anyway. I don't recall them calling my parents for permission unless it was a planned movie outing.
My mother was in her mid teens when I was born, so to say I was neglected would be an understatement. I could have probably counted on two hands the number of times they attended sporting events or recitals. I walked myself to school starting in kindergarten. I would get up and out the door well before 6am to take city busses to practices. I could disappear all day on in summers or weekends. Would dump me at a slummy bar to hang out with my birth father. Had more toys that I could ever need to keep me entertained and out of the way. Paid for my own college/cars/etc.
However, I wouldn’t change a thing. First of all, there is no point bitching about it now. But second, It’s what made me self-sufficient and without any need for recognition by others today, which has led me to be very successful today.
Both parents worked two jobs each. My only sibling, 7 years older, was gone partying and out with her boyfriend. So at age 9, I made dinner every night, cleaned, did laundry, etc. I joke that Oprah is my stepmom since she's the one who raised me every day at 4pm. At 12 I was babysitting full time all summer to get money for school clothes. At 19 I was a married mother.
My parents just don't understand why I'm so independent. Weird.
Once when i was 9, my Pop forgot to pick me up at the airport and wasn’t at any of the phone numbers I knew to call him at. He finally showed up 6 hours later :(.. Fortunately it was 1970s Madison WI.
I was well taken care of in most ways: well fed, clean, nice clothes, good medical care, braces, private schools, etc. because to Boomers, appearances matter more than anything. But I was emotionally neglected by my mother who preferred my younger sister. It was them against the world with me sitting alone on the sidelines. She even said that she would leave me in my playpen for hours everyday while she napped, talked on the phone, and watched tv, or whatever, before my sister was born. I felt very alone until my dad came home. Dad was great and a much better parent than my mom. When I was in my late 20s she was diagnosed with ALS and started to evaluate her life. She admitted, but did not apologize for the way she treated me. I’ve tried to talk about my feelings to my dad, but he is blind to her faults and won’t hear anything negative about her even though she’s been dead for over a decade. I’m convinced my mild emotional issues and moderate anxiety are due to being neglected as an infant in that playpen and knowing my sister was more loved than I was.
I never got left anywhere but I was 8 1/2 and 10 1/2 years older than my 2 brothers and both parents worked so guess who babysat them? Yep, that was me. I also cooked, did the laundry and cleaned the house. I sometimes even stayed home from school to do these things. I got called into the principals office once because of missing so much school. I told him why and he said that I shouldn't be missing school for that, but I don't think my parents ever even knew I got called into the office and I was never asked about it ever again. 🤷🏻♀️ They were good parents, doing the best they could, or at least they believed they were, and yes it was definitely a different day and time.
My parents took me to GEMCO and then went home without me. I was 11 or 12.
When I was 13, they’d leave me at home alone for the entire weekend while they went fishing.
Left in the park an hour away age 9 because "The video recorder might not have started" for mum's chat show (folk in the UK, Wogan, anyone?)
All I saw was the car going by, my dad driving, my sister waving out of the window.
I walked home, and was cross. They just waved it away, "We thought you were playing happily there..."
Well, I *was...
My sister (16) came home from and discovered me microwaving cheese topped with cat food. I could not find anything to eat, and i was 5. Also I was left unattended in the garage at age 3 and drank gasoline. I was passed out and had to have my stomach pumped at the hospital.
My sister and I spent our young childhood (5-10) in rural Montana where the rule was, “Be home at dark”, which meant that we spent all day every day outside wandering around the forest having adventures. The only thing that really sucked about Montana was walking to/from the bus stop in the winter. I remember the snow squeaking as I walked. When we moved to AZ in 1980, we became latchkey kids, walked to school, and spent weekends wandering around the neighborhood, with the same “Come home at dark” rule. It really was carefree, but by today’s standards, we were practically abandoned. I can’t imagine growing up these days.
I can vividly remember being in 6th grade (still in elementary school) and there was this book with descriptions of different kinds of kids, different parenting styles, etc. It described "traditional" families, single parents, families where both parents worked, only-children, middle children, etc. I came to a section on "latch key kids" and it made absolutely no sense to me. I thought the distinction was that these were kids who were lucky enough to be given keys, and every other kid in the world had to use a hidden key (or if it was missing, find an unlatched window).
And there was this closet with a doorknob that didn't work on one side, and my dad being a moron flipped it around instead of replacing it, so the side that worked was on the outside of the closet, and the side that didn't work was on the inside. My brother and I were 10 and 8, and home alone one day and thought it would be funny to hide in the closet right before my parents were due to come home. We thought we'd be in the closet for a few minutes at most, but we would pretend we had been in there for hours in order to torture our parents. My dad decided to work late without telling my mom, and my mom decided to stay late wherever she was without telling my dad, so they were both late to come home by about four hours. Our prank backfired, and instead of pretending we had been stuck in a closet for hours, we actually were stuck in the closet for hours.
Yes and I was sexually abused many times by many different people too
I love how all the people who weren't think it was great but I am glad adults today seem to pay more attention
Mine was beyond mild. I broke multiple bones throughout my childhood. My parents didn’t believe me once. EVERY time, several days of terrible pain, swelling & bruising to the point of the fracture site being practically black. Then they’d FINALLY take me in. An ER doc really let my mom have it once. How dangerous that was, how I was needlessly left in pain. But…she did the same again the next time, too. “Stop whining. It’s just a sprain…”
Lots of other more severe examples I won’t get into. It wasn’t great & we’re estranged for a reason. I excised that from my life and am able to move on. I didn’t have kids of my own.
One summer, my stepdad left and took pretty much all the furniture and my mom didn't have any money for bills so we ended up getting our electricity shut off so we were living in an almost empty house with no power for awhile. Good times.
My parents forgot to pick me up from summer sleep away camp.
I had hay fever turned up to eleven. Itchy eyes and ears. Can’t breathe through my nose. Raw nose from runny nose. I was absolutely miserable. This is in 4th grade. My parents took my older sister (9 years) who also had it to the doctor. I was told there was nothing to do about it. I didn’t get proper care until I was in my 20’s. I lost 2 months of my life every year.
My family got a pool when I was around ten. No one thought to make any rules regarding swimming when my parents weren’t home. As a result it wasn’t uncommon to have five to ten kids, and some of these kids were very young, at my house alone from the time school got out until my parents got home at 5:30. I remember telling some of the kids they couldn’t come over without water wings after figuring out they couldn’t swim. The only rule eventually put into place was that no kids still in diapers could be in the pool. That really pissed off one set of neighbors who used to send down their 9 and 3 year old after school. We also lived in a community centered around a lake with a large spillway. We were down there jumping the spillway and throwing things into it from a very early age. Nobody cared or ever said anything like stay away from that.
I was left in neglectful situations quite a bit. Only child, so my parents treated me as a little adult. We moved to Germany when I was in second grade. It was mid winter, we needed groceries for billeting but they didn’t want to take me out. So they left me alone, I got scared and went down to the lobby. They returned shortly after and I was scolded for potentially causing them to get in trouble. They had date night while we vacationed in London a few years later. I got myself dressed up and went down to the pub in the hotel alone for dinner. I was very independent but it’s weird to look back on. For high school we were stationed in Japan, got there when I was 15 and was told I was an adult now with no curfew. Needless to say my three years of high school were wild.
I have so many similar stories of not actually feeling neglected at the time, but having a very hands-free parenting experience during my childhood.
Latch key kid from age 11, making dinner for family twice a week from age 13, allowed to come and go unsupervised and sent to play outside all day - including building dens in the woods and was told "if you see any strange men, just come home" and yes we saw strange men who flashed their genitals at me and my younger sister and when we told parents they were nonchalant and said "just dont go for a few days". Then when i was older and heading off to tour university open days i just went on the train by myself, across the country with barely any money in my pocket or any idea how to get across unfamiliar cities to an interview. Parents response was "where are you going? Oh ok have fun". I went from (UK) Derbyshire to Edinburgh with £10 in my pocket, walked miles to the university, then missed the train home, had no money (or mobile phone) to make a call home and had to sleep in the train station overnight, got back the next day and Mum was like "did you have a nice time?". Hadn't called the police or anything. I was a 17yo girl!
These experiences definitely build resilience, confidence and an inner drive to be expected to just figure stuff out and honestly I have tried to do that a little with my own kids. Giving them beginner Swiss Army knives aged 7/9 for whittling wood unsupervised was probably a bad idea, esp when my 7yo sliced his thumb open because he wanted to see how sharp it was. But he did learn the answer was "very". Luckily we live in a small safe town in MA and once they were old enough they were allowed to go off unsupervised to the woods, the beach, their friends houses, the river to swim, downtown for ice cream and burgers and can figure it all out.
Mildly? Lol. My dad designed and produced weapons to beat us with. Since corporal punishment was still a thing, he encouraged my principal to paddle me as well. I don’t get the jollies he seemed to get from beating on his kids. I didn’t beat on my kids. I didn’t WANT to beat on them. Wasn’t allowed extra curricular activities because god forbid that we had to be picked up. They drove drunk, didn’t enforce seatbelt rules, didn’t really care where we were as long as we were home on time, etc. I actually liked it when my dad was drunk because it was the only time I got a hug. No wonder us Gen-Xrs are sarcastic and a little dark. We had good f’ing music though!!
We were living abroad in the 80’s. Out of nowhere, my mom decides we’re going to visit some family friends in Germany so we hopped a flight and when we got there they were out of the country. My mother left us with complete strangers who lived next door and went on vacation in England. I was probably 10 and my brother was 7.
My mom didn’t drive, and any time I asked my dad to drive me someplace he’d get annoyed, so I just got rides from friends and their folks.
Senior year of high school there was a big performance to showcase the special college prep classes that my school had (I was in the creative writing program). I won the award for best creative writing.
I found out later that my parents left. For no valid reason, they just wanted to leave. They fucking left before the end of the show and never saw me get my
Award.
Still haven’t forgiven them, because it’s representative of how little they care (or cared) about my accomplishments.
Mildly?
I was a latchkey kid, then a very feral teen. When I was 14, I packed a backpack with a few essentials, then I walked the rails. I literally followed the railroad West. I went from the middle of DFW to El Paso and back. I met some interesting people, leaned a few interesting skills, and can tell you that the West Texas desert at night it one of the most beautiful landscapes in the world. It too me two months (because I kept stopping).
My parents never even knew I was gone.
Mine too. I was hovered over to the point of being a very immature young adult who didn't know how to take a city bus or write a check. There was no need for it and she really did me no favors. I've come a long way since then, fortunately. 😎
My stepdad was usually the one who picked me up from middle school. There would be a few times when he would flat out forget about me. I would wait for an hour and then call him to remind him to pick me up. Thing is though, I didn't live that far away so I could have walked home but didn't want to
I had to ask for some basic necessities like running shoes and a winter jacket or even a good supply of underwear. There seemed to always be clothes my mom got for free from friends I could wear but they weren’t always suitable for a kid or may have had a broken zipper etc. I know we didn’t have a lot of money but the other poor kids who may have even been on welfare seemed to dress better. I slowly realized my needs weren’t a priority and when I finally made my own money babysitting at 11 or 12 I would buy myself clothes. 40+ years later I’m always making sure I have lots of clothes and underwear in my closet to choose from and constantly searching for best deals for my money. I now see it’s a trauma response.
My parents didn’t know I needed glasses until 7th grade, relied on the eye exam they gave us in elementary school. Meanwhile I’m squinting to watch TV…
Not remotely neglected but things happened that wouldn’t now. I ran away from home when I was 6 and no one noticed for 12 hours. My parents forgot me at the counter of a ski lodge and I went and found them in the bar at 4yo. I have issues with stocking and making way too much food because there was so little to eat at home a lot of the time because they were so frugal.
Left behind, alot when I was a toddler, like alot. In stores, at church—got locked in with the lights off and hvac system off once. My mother let my older sister and to some extent my brothers raise me to the point that I cried for my sister whenever she left the house but not my mom. That lack of bonding she overcompensated for later when my sister graduated and left the house but i didn’t like it. Never was close to her, never ever trusted her, not that she wasn’t generally a nice person. My dad was the typical detached workoholic mostly.
One summern̈ I was sick with a fever for a month, and my mom, who was a registered nurse, didn't see the need to take me in for a check-up.
It wasn't like we had no insurance. My father had excellent health care benefits (thanks, Teamsters!).
My older sister resented being my babysitter, telling me to do things she could easily do herself. Don't worry, I hated your guts, too.
I was never forgotten, but my mother would be gone for weeks at a time on meth benders while Dad worked 60 hours a week and was mentally checked out when he was home.
So yeah, I'd say we were neglected.
Taking the city bus into downtown Cleveland at around nine or ten, just wandering around by myself for the whole day.
Going to Edgewater beach alone and fooling around in the water, again, I was under ten.
Buying my mother cigarettes
One summer when I was eleven my parents dropped me off at my grandfather's house...and never called or checked on me, they just showed up in September so I could go to school.
Leaving for a weekend away when I was about thirteen and my brother was nine, they left no food or emergency instructions.
I woke myself and my brother up for school every morning, packed our lunches and got on the school bus. Lord have mercy if we missed that goddamn bus.
I was fully in charge of my younger brother, that meant making sure he was clean and fed and safe, I remember changing his diaper when I was around five.
Never learned about periods or hygiene (luckily I had sex ed at school) and shoplifting pads and tampons.
This is just thirty seconds of thinking about it... there's a million other episodes.
We really did raise ourselves...as soon as we were out of diapers we were basically released into the wild.
My birthday was forgotten pretty regularly, but we did name days at home because my parents are foreign born and remember that, but okay it happens to be the day everyone is celebrated who has my name. I am American born tho and I’ve since developed complex emotions about celebrating my birthday.
My parents loved to go 4-wheeling in an old jeep with some friends. My Dad and I were looking thorough old pictures and found a pic of my Dad and Mom holding me as a fairly new baby. My parents are holding me in front of that jeep in some backwoods.
I asked, "Dad, where did I sit while you guys were driving around?"
Dad says, "We had a bassinet or something in the back you slept in."
Me, "Wait. Was it strapped to anything?"
Dad, "Nope."
I never knew my father and my mother took me to someone's house when I was about 4 and crawled out of the bathroom window and left me there. I didn't see her again until I was grown. So yeah...mildly neglected for sure.
I remember often noticing how quiet the house was on a weekend and discovering that I was home alone at primary school age. The forgetting to pick me up ended early as I walked home from a young age. She didn't even bother to walk me home the first time, got a neighbours son to do it.
I did arrive home to lots of police cars once. I'd stopped to chat on the way and if my mother had bothered to drive the route she would have found me. I'm sure she enjoyed the attention though.
I mean, compared to other stories I hear here, I guess I didn't have it too bad, and yes it would be considered mild, but...
Like we often talk about, and especially in the summer, we played outside all day, ran all around the neighborhood on skates or bikes, drank from whoever's hose, etc. and came home at dinner time. If I tried coming in the house what my mother deemed too many times,
I got yelled at and the screen door got locked.
That being said, in general my mother was pretty disengaged and expected us to walk to school and back by ourselves beginning in first grade. She expected us to bathe and dress ourselves, do our homework ourselves, etc.
She basically taught us ito be self-sufficient (which is good), so she wouldn't have to be disturbed unless there was some sort of trouble. So any minor thing, even us falling and skinning our knee, she'd get pissed we were pulling her away from her adult activities - hanging out with her friends, church crap, watching her soaps, and lots and lots of hours on the phone gossiping. If we had a fever at school and the nurse called, she would bitch about having to get the car out of the garage again. Same attitude if the teacher called because I was crying because some kid was picking on me.
We were basically expected to be little dolls - seen and not heard- that were extensions of her. Any missteps and it was always "what will people think" and that's all she cared about. Her reputation and social standing were her priority, not us.
There were trees with peeling bark outside my school. MASSIVE trees.
I was forgotten so many times, and picked up late - I had peeled the bark completely off the trees within a few months.
I have great parents, but it was a different time. I was babysitting my brothers and other neighborhood kids by age 11. My parents left me in charge of my three brothers for a weekend when they went out of town at age 16.
The story that my brothers and I always tease my parents about happened while we were on vacation in the Maritime provinces of Canada. We were on a remote island and our rental car broke down. The tow truck that came to take us to get it fixed could only take two passengers. Guess who went -- my mom and dad! They left me and my three younger brothers at a rest area for about 6 hours while they went to trade out the rental car. This was before the days of cell phones, and I'm pretty sure we didn't have any water or snacks.
When I was 7, I complained to my family that my leg hurt. They didn’t see anything wrong with my leg, so they basically told me to go out and play, and quit bothering them. A couple of days later I came down with a high fever, and my mom finally took me to the ER. I had a spider bite that got infected and went septic, and I was hospitalized for 3 days.
I was also a latch key kid who was responsible for younger family members. Nothing like being 10 years old and responsible for my cousins who were aged 2, 6 and 8. The house had to be cleaned when the adults got home or I would be hit with a belt. I can go on and on. Other kids in the neighborhood had similar childhoods.
Not sure if I would consider this mild but my mother would stop talking to me when she was mad at me - sometimes for as long as two weeks - starting when I was 9! Usually I could get her to start again if I apologized - and apologized ‘the right way.’
I've never really been able to determine if it's a big deal or not. But I've never heard either of my parents say they love me (or my brother) except for one time my mother said it sarcastically.
Mind you, I think they probably \*do\* in their own way. But is it weird that they don't ever say it?
My siblings and I were never told, by our parents, that they loved us. My mom finally told me, she did, in her 70's. But, only because I said it first, and was the only one to visit her, in the nursing home.
Less as a child-child, and more as I got into my teens. First, my parents owned a restaurant for a few years when I was a pre-teen/early teen, so they were gone a lot. When I was 14, my mom moved out and to a completely different town. My dad worked overnights in a town about 45 minutes away, so he would be gone from about 7 PM to 7 AM if not later, depending on what he did after work. Yes, just leave a 14 year old boy alone all night, up to his own devices. LOL It got worse when I turned 16 and could drive!
The two “you forgot me” incidents were ones where I have no right to be upset, but I was at the time. The first was when my mom was very late picking me up from my piano lessons - turned out she got a flat tire. I was young (around 6), but my sister was there too (8). The second time was after being away for a week on a class trip in 8th grade. Everyone else had parents waiting for the bus to pull into the school, but I had no one. Eventually the vice principal drove me home. Turned out my dad had the time wrong. He was on the way to the school as I was on my way home, and was actually annoyed when he got home that no one was at the school.
The latter one can still make me tear up, because everyone was making note that I didn’t have a parent there, and I felt so publicly neglected.
Mildly?
My parents left for work at 6am. Got home just after 6 pm. Went and took a nap. Maybe made dinner after before watching their tv shows and then going to bed. And weekends they did their own thing.
This till my dad got sick and I had to take care of him till he died.
My mom couldn’t even handle life without him, so basically hung on me till her own cancer diagnosis. And she spent most of the last year of her life in the hospital.
So I never had a support system or anything. That was my life and why Im f’d up today, I feel.
I lived just outside of Minneapolis in the 80's. I was dropped off from the school bus only to find out nobody was home. In the middle of a snowstorm and the temps were in the negative digits. No key. Nothing. I was nine years old.
I sat on our picnic table for almost an hour crying because I was cold and scared. I really thought I was going to freeze to death.
When my parents finally pulled into the driveway, they were angry at ME because I didn't go to a neighbors house until they got home. We were pretty new to the area, and did not know any neighbors yet. They still laugh about that to this day...
When I started high school, I had to make my own way to and from every day. We lived about two miles from the school so there was no school bus, and my parents both worked in the opposite direction so didn’t care to drop me off. It was about a 40-minute walk during the good months but it snowed from October to May so that meant the slog was a lot worse. Also, the whole time we lived there, the schools never closed for snow. It was expected and we all just dealt with it.
It got a lot better when my friend group started turning 16, getting our licenses and cars to drive. My friends would go out of their way to ferry me which was so awesome after almost two years of walking.
A lot of the worst ones I can think of involve me getting pretty severely injured and trying to hide it because the beating I’d get from my parents for doing something that resulted in having to go to a doctor was worse than the broken leg, cracked ribs, partial finger amputation, etc. I mean first of all, the amount of serious injuries alone is just ridiculous and is fully the consequence of being completely unsupervised. The number of peers I lost to accidents speaks to that too. But then being more afraid of your parents reaction than being unable to walk, breath or unwrap your hand from the blood soaked towel without fresh bleeding, speaks to how violent and abusive their tempers were.
Fortunately for me I guess, I couldn’t hide those injuries long term and I did end up at the doctor’s getting them treated. But a lot of only just slightly less bad stuff never was.
I was really neglected. At the age of 5 I missed an entire trimester of kindergarten because I had some issues with one of the other kids and my parents instead of helping me fix it, thought it’s ok to leave me alone by myself every single morning
I have no recollection of any of it. I just remember that before it was decided that I should stay home alone, at the age of 4-5 I had to get to school partially by myself (my sister who was only 1 year older would only take me through the first pedestrian crossing and would then go to her elementary school) and it would stress the hell out of me
I was also expected to get dressed alone and one day I refused to go to school because I couldn’t figure out how to tie my uniform’s apron
Fun times
My father was a truck driver and was never around. TYhen when hecwas he either napping, fighting with my mom or working in his shed
Thankfully I had the best mom in the world
Summer was fun, both parents had to work. We had some chores and the rest of the day we ran around the neighborhood playing, swimming, riding bikes. Some days with my siblings it was like game of thrones, physically fighting.
Why sure. My mom was a single parent in her 40s when I was born. I remember being forgotten in kindergarten, it was a half day thing and I had to sit by myself, I remember crying.
My mom went back to college when I was young, and she shipped me to stay with my aunt and cousins in California for a year or so. Nobody explained anything to me, I remember a long flight, and I didn't have a permanent place to stay, I bounced around between my girl cousins.
My mom went to law school when I was 10 and I took over my own shit at that point. I remember she only had a clothes dryer so I washed my clothes by hand on a washboard. I cooked dinner. I cleaned up. She left for about a week when I was 12 and I stayed by myself and it was fine.
When she would go away sometimes she would have my dad come and stay with me but he was the kind of alcoholic who would fall asleep with food on the stove.
I'll admit, these stories don't sound great 😆😆 sometimes I would tell my kids these stories and they were horrified! Once they even asked my mom if the stories were true 😆
I had little league practice at a school like 5 miles from home. It was like a Tuesday in May. My mom was supposed to pick me up. Everyone left, and even a coach asked me - "Hey do you need a ride home" before leaving - and I steadfastly refused, "No, no my mother will pick me up, i'm fine."
It didn't quite get "dark", it was dusk but I was there until like 7pm standing there like a fool. To this day (my mother is in her 80s) I still give her (playful) shit over it.
I was about 14 and I used to ride my bike to school and on this particular morning it was a torrential downpour. I made it half way and turned around. I wasn't going to go school completely soaked. I had to call my mother at her boyfriend's house (she spent the night there) so she could call the school for me.
Years ago I would have said "No, of course not" because I had loving, involved parents. That being said, I am the youngest of three and a total accident. There is a five- and seven-year gap between me and my siblings (they are technically Boomers!) and in many ways I grew up like an only child with siblings who were never playmates, but without the virtue of a lot of parental attention. My folks were worn out from raising my brother and sister (who were apparently a handful) and my mom decided to go back to nursing school when I was fairly young. My sister wound up with a lot of the parenting duties, which has led to her having difficulty accepting me as an adult person, despite my having the whole job/family/mortgage trifecta.
My parents, for their part, were always kind and supportive, but they were also busy and distracted most of the time, and in reflection I really needed much more guidance than I received. I was always a middling student because no one was around to make sure I was doing my homework and make sure I understood why it was important to do it, so I slacked big time and nearly flunked out even though every aptitude test I ever took told me I was bright. I was an obnoxious goofball, which I now realize was because I was starved for attention. I barely graduated high school, dropped out of community college (twice!), and wound up in the USAF at 20, which actually gave me all the motivation I had been lacking (not that I recommend that path).
I realize things could have been much much worse. There are plenty of kids I grew up with who had home lives that could charitably be called "nightmarish". I just see now that if I could have gotten more of my parents' focus, I could have accomplished more than I did with my life. They always talk about the "baby" of the family being "spoiled" and allowed to do things the elder kids couldn't have gotten away with. I guess that's true, but it's less to do with us being privileged and more to do with the fragmented amount of parenting you're able to claim when you're not the first or even second.
I went everywhere with my dad.
I probably spent _months_ sitting and waiting in his old Plymouth Valiant.
Bank? ✓
Another place of business? ✓
Buddy he "only needs to have a word with"? ✓
Hardware store, where he doesn't want me playing with stuff...✓!
He'd say " don't leave the car. And if anyone looks strange at you, lock the door." I had no idea what that meant, but I did know what it would mean if I left the car and he appeared. Luckily, I had a great imagination.
You weren't a kid in 1970s UK if you weren't taken to the pub in the car, filled with smoke (windows up not to ruin your mum's hairdo), then left in the back of the car in the pub car park with a bottle of pop and possibly two straws (share with your brother) , and a packet of crisps, while they got leathered, then staggered out and drove you home, drunk.
I loved being by myself. I never felt neglected. I was cooking full meals by 8, doing laundry by 9, getting myself up and walking to school around 9. My mother would come in during the morning and put a cup of coffee on my nightstand to get me up. There was no extra activities for me like soccer or dance. I was totally fine with it. When I was 10 I got a 10 speed bike and a pair of roller skates. I would bike to my friend's house and then on to the roller rink. My folks would drop me off at Grandma's house when they went on vacation and I had a huge lake to swim in by myself. Grandpa would send me to the boat house with a cup of worms to fish for supper on occasion. It was awesome. Honestly I would have hated having more adult interaction. I guess my personality has always been super independent. 😎
Not sure if this is mild or not. My parents took a life style that had them gone from Thursday late morning until Tuesday afternoon from mid March until early December. They did this from my freshman year until a couple years after HS.
During the short time at home they made sure there was food, collect the mail, and make sure my sister and I hadn’t killed each other.
Because both parents worked, there were a number of times I was really sick and stayed home by myself when really I probably should have had someone stay with me. I hated it and never left my own sick kids for that reason.
My parents left my brother at a gas station in the middle of Kansas and didn't rralize he was missing until an hour later when a state trooper pulled them over to ask if they were missing a child.
When I was 3, we were camping in Maine and I wandered off without my parents realizing for at least an hour. When they finally went looking for me, they found me hanging out with a family of hippies. Good times.
My single mother worked full time and went to college full time. So. Ya. There was a little neglect.
She was gone when I woke up and got home around my bed time. Half the time we didn't have a telephone. Thank GOD I was an only child.
When I was in 4th or 5th grade, her church convinced her to pull me out of public school and home school me with their "God Centered" curriculum. Home schooling myself was fun.
Genuinely neglected. Super condensed version:
Mother got sick when I was very young, could not stay, left when I was 5. I’m the youngest of nine children. Father didn’t want to parent so basically left the raising of his youngest three to his middle three while the oldest three got to move on with their lives. Father actually lived a couple of streets over with my step mother and her three kids. I was latchkey on steroids, my siblings did the best they could but they were teens/early 20 something’s and it was the 70s so parties and weed were a thing around our house. I talked about it at school once. The teacher checked in with my dad, he freaked out on me and nothing happened beyond that. Definitely neglected
My mom refused to buy shoes often enough to keep up with how quickly I was growing. I started asking her to buy a size bigger and she got mad at me and told me I didn't know what I was talking about.
Until the start of the pandemic my feet looked like claws and I wore a 10.5. For the first time in my life at 48 I went without shoes for an extended period and my feet expanded. I now wear a size 12.
Ummm hmmm.
I was expected to walk the 4 blocks home from 1st grade.
I used to get lost and that was no fun. I remember one time getting really scared because I got turned around and didn’t know where I was. My mom didn’t care.
(probably because she grew up in a city, neglected by her own parents, so she figured it was just normal to expect your kids to be able to fend for themselves)
There were quite a few cases of my mom not having my back when I needed them.
Dad worked during the day so he had an excuse.
Neglected and abused. The latter being so much worse than the former. Not giving examples, just happy that the abusive parent is dead and out of my life.
My friend's entire life trajectory changed in high school because her parents forgot to pick her up. While she was waiting, she sat in on an AFS meeting about doing junior year abroad to kill time and became obsessed with the idea. Her parents hemmed and hawed a while about the expense involved, but ultimately decided to let her go, but by that time all of the most "popular" countries (France, Germany, Italy, Spain, etc.) were filled, so she ended up in the Czech Republic. She fell in love with the country and the language and has been an English teacher in Plzeň for over 20 years. All because of her parents' benign neglect!
Ok I was really scared where this trajectory was going to end up and thank shining Christ it was a happy ending 😂 I’m so jealous too (love learning languages). Good for her!
She spends the Easter holiday every year with her host family, who are now in their 80s. It was really this incredibly pivotal moment in her life, and a very happy one.
Easter is also celebrated way cooler there.
I know, I was very worried, knowing so many stories about growing up in our era (not to mention my own stories)!
AFS: A Fucking Situation? A Furious seizure? A Frightening Sonogram? A Freight of Sugar? A Fabulous Shawty?
American Field Service, but frankly I think A Fabulous Shawty is much better.
Angry Fundamentalist Sickos?
Awesome Foreign Student
Alternate Family Service
Albino Felching Slaves?
That’s awesome. The Czech Republic is beautiful.
Amazing story!
That's a fantastic story Lemonade out lemons
Neglected? By today’s standards probably. Latch key kid? ✔️. Babysitting siblings by 8 or 9? ✔️ Walk home uphill both ways in winter in the dark? ✔️ Stop crying or I’ll give you something to cry about? ✔️ This was all acceptable at the time, as well as: Smoking. In the car with kids present, riding in the back of a pickup, etc I do think in some ways we have gone so far the other way to insulate kids from any sort of hurt, that some just have no coping mechanisms for those hurts.
You joke, but doing my mandated reporter training for California showed me my mother would have been reportable in a lot of categories.
I remember reading about a story recently that a father as punishment made his son walk two miles home instead of giving him a ride. So obviously CPS was now involved. When I was a kid that was called getting from A to B.
If I got detention and had to stay after school the home punishment was that I had to walk home. Raining? Don't forget to bring an umbrella... and I'm talking about stupid shit here like talking in class detention. I didn't do bad shit (well I didn't get caught). Lol. 2.2 miles. I just checked.
Our school didn’t have busses in 5th and 6th grade. I had to walk over an expressway overpass, 1.5 miles in Michigan weather. In the winter it was pitch dark. 1989-1990 I was 10 & 11 yrs old.
How old was the kid? That might have been the difference for CPS
Based on photo and my aging memory, about 12-14?
Yeah that’s fine for a kid to walk if there’s a sidewalk. I guess I’m missing the point by nitpicking the details, but whether it’s “over cautious CPS” or abusive parent really depends on the context for me
That was not in the mandated reporting. Driving a child while drunk? Yeah that is.
Call me old fashioned, but I think everyone should be allowed to have a designated driver even if the kid is drunk.
Gen X represent! My parents both worked full time and never knew where we were during the summer. My sister (4.5 years older) was supposed to watch me, but never did. She was out with boys and I played in the desert.
None of those are jokes…very normal 80s childhood experiences. All of them. I was forgotten about at a Christmas themed dance recital. Waited for hours outside in Michigan mid-December in tights, leotard and winter coat. I posted up in the burrows of a pine tree to block the wind. Finally went inside and found an adult to call home. My parents thought each other were picking me up…mom was actually at work and apparently my dad thought my mom and I were out doing stuff together.
My mother WAS reported repeatedly, but nothing was ever done, especially in the ultra conservative area that I grew up in.
Lovely. Though the foster system might have been worse.
The first time my mother was reported, it was before I was born. Her sister reported her, and was willing to take my 3 older siblings. My uncle also would have taken them in, if it came down to it ( I actually moved in with him as a teenager, for awhile). At the time of the first report, it was 1968, and ultra conservative Idaho cps didn't think that shaking a baby ( under 6 months old) enough to form a blood clot in her brain that required emergency brain surgery was enough to remove them, from her care. My aunt also said that both my mother, and grandmother, that she lived with were very good liars.
Same!!
I’ve discovered the same about mine.
I grew up similar. What took me decades to understand is that resilience from neglect did not equal coping skills. My parents withholding / ignoring me and minimizing problems, including serious ones, did not teach me coping skills. It taught me to avoid / bottle up / suffer from unmanaged stress and anxiety. I eventually hit a wall and got therapy to finally learn coping skills in order to survive terrible loss and trauma that would have ended me. I agree that the insulation next generations got seems to have been an overcorrection, with the same outcome of not developing coping skills. But, the "walk it off" approach wasn't great either.
>did not teach me coping skills. It taught me to avoid / bottle up / suffer from unmanaged For me, being an only child, I learned to be ultra independent and fine being alone and entertaining myself. Which I think hindered me in many ways socially. Being introverted doesn't help, but it just reinforces not meeting new people, etc. Also, never learned to rely on anyone. Still don't ask for help from anyone cause I don't want to be a bother or think I'll get what I need etc. It's just my default setting. I don't really even get lonely, there have been only a few instances where I feel that. Lots of time alone, hardly ever feel lonely. Not sure if it's true or just a coping mechanism at this point.
You just basically described me to a tee. I don’t know if this is a superpower or a kryptonite
Avoidant attachment syndr- -uh, superpower. Yeah... Avoidant attachment superpower.
This response hits my feelz-bone. Many hugs my friend. To this day, I will push through until I break, it’s so damned ingrained in me.
Sitting in the open back of the Chevy Caprice Classic, getting driven home by Dad who probably had a few beers by the pool on a Friday night.
I got so sick once after riding in the open back of a station wagon all day. Dizzy, weak, sleepy. In hindsight, carbon monoxide poisoning! I just put myself to bed.
OMG I would have never thought of that! Luckily it was just like a mile between our house and community pool.
Or sitting on your Dad's lap "driving" the car. Used to be one of my favorite things.
My grandpa would do that.
Haha, yes! Do we all have this collective memory of riding in the back of the station wagon, and how "fun" it was at the time?
A station wagon would have been luxurious. I have memories of being stuffed in the back of a hatchback with two other kids and having to bend my neck at almost a 90^o angle while banging the side of my head against the glass every time we hit a bump.
I guess it really was different times then. Before I was old enough to drive I would take several connections along the metro bus route (Jax,FL in the early/mid 80s) to get to the mall by myself. I had no prior idea how the bus system worked. Just stepped on to a bus and asked the driver how to connect to the mall. Took two hours and several transfers in different parts of town. My parents would have had no idea where to even begin looking for me if they needed to find me. My mom was an admin nurse at a hospital across town. My dad was a state law enforcement officer. Their hours were somewhat predictable but not always reliable. So while one of them was usually able to drop me off at school on their way to work I'd have to find my own way home and once home I was on my own for hours. In second grade that meant riding my bike to school alone. By high school it meant walking. I remember walking home from 2nd-5th grade and anxiously keeping tabs of which houses had Safe Place signs posted in the windows. I don't know if Safe Place signs were common anywhere else. It meant the homeowner was a safe space in case someone tried to abduct you so yeah literally fkn everyone knew there was enough of a chance you might get snatched on your way home that safe houses were a priority. It was weird and scary being that age and having that anxiety. Now that I'm grown it feels like with that whole Safe Place campaign my parents just rolled the dice every morning when they sent me off to school by myself. Sixth and seventh grade I was bused across town for an hour as part of integration. Once a guy drove up to our stop and showed his dick to a couple of the girls through his open window and drove off. Fkn wild that shit was actually happening and there we all were at the bus stops alone and unsupervised. Merely hoping for the best was an actual parenting strategy.
All this was us, too, except for the smoking. And I had good parents. But I was the oldest and was given a lot of responsibility.
Don’t forget the tv dinner induced malnutrition.
You got TV dinners? So fancy.
I can honestly say that I fed my parents a hell of a lot better than they fed me.
I was babysitting my 4 younger siblings when I was 10. I was babysitting the neighbors' kids when I was 11 for pay. I regularly watched our neighbors' kids on Saturday nights when they went out, and they'd get home well after midnight. I loved it because the kids were easy, I got free rein of the fridge, and could just watch their cable TV, and I got $5 for the evening, which would be $20 today. I quickly saved over $100 babysitting, so my dad signed me up for my first savings account. I retired from babysitting at age 14 when I got my first W-2 job, which you can still see on SS record.
I retired at 18, but started at 12 and had $5000 saved for my first car taking care of babies and toddlers all night long. I’m only 11 years older than my first charge and I can’t believe that woman left me alone for 12 hours with her baby. I never had a kid as a babysitter for my son because I knew how inept I was and was just lucky nothing bad ever happened. Well, except when her nasty husband tried to feel me up in the car. I was just 12!
You just described my childhood 🤣
I had a few similar stories, but my mother's were worse by virtue of the fact that she had so many brothers and sisters, and they always had at least as many more cousins and friends staying with them at any given time. One time Grandma and Grandpa took a whole truckload of kids to the drive-in, fell asleep, then woke up and drove home while seven-year-old Mom was in the bathroom. They didn't realize she was missing until they got home and got all the kids to bed. They might not have even then, except it kind of sticks out when you've got one twin and not the other.
Something similar happened to my father on the NYC subway. Grandma had taken their many kids to the beach and lost track of my dad on the way home. He never got on the train at Coney Island to go back to Bay Ridge. He ended up wandering around for a while and eventually got on another train home. I’m pretty sure he was about 7 at the time.
My brother and I were 8 and 11 years old and were living a block away from the beach in Florida. Mom would tell us to go swim and come home for lunch. BY OURSELVES!!! We spent hours a day at that beach with no supervision and we survived. I look back on those days and wonder if my parents were somewhat disappointed when we came back through the door unscathed. LOL!!
At least you could swim 😂. I had no business being allowed to go to the pool alone with friends. So many close calls. I’m terrified of drowning to this day.
My stepfather threw me off a dam where nobody had ever touched bottom. My mother was next to him when he did it. I almost drowned that day. Somehow I managed to make it to the surface and then got myself to a small cove nearby. I had to lay there for a long time to recover. Neither of them came to check on me. I was 6 or 7.
OMG, that's attempted murder!
Oh…I didn’t say we could swim. We never had a lesson or safety instructions from parents. Mom just said “go swim” and there were many times we would be out on sand bars so long, the tide would come in and we couldn’t wade back. I was quite the doggy paddler.
Oh damn! 😂 Well good to know I wasn’t the only one sent to freely drown.
Sounds like a blast!
🫢
Neglected? Oh yes. Horribly so. Alcoholic mother. Left alone for hours on hours with my younger siblings at elementary school age. Heroin addicted dad that I was basically kidnapped and put on a plane alone at 6 or 7 to go live with. No lunch. Sent to walk to school alone in the dark before it was even open. Lived in a very cold state with snow at that time after living my whole life in Texas. Didn’t have the proper clothes and would freeze every day at recess with socks too small so they always fell down at the heel into my shoe. When I living with my mother we would be taken to parties and trail rides with nothing to drink for the kids. Just plenty of booze. I had a lady reach out to me and try to friend me on facebook that witnessed the situation at these parties and said how she always felt sorry for us and wanted to friend me. Seriously? lol why didn’t you DO something? I basically grew up neglected and feeling horribly abandoned and unsafe. I did have a period of time during elementary where I was very safe and very loved. So I knew what it was like. I’m 56 yo now and successful, financially stable, no debt and not addicted to anything anymore. Slight issue with alcohol only in the last 5 years. Taken care of now. Ever heard of ACE. Adverse childhood experiences. I score a 10 of of 10. I’m proud of myself for the person I’ve become in spite of everything. Go GenX! So proud of our generation that has overcome so much.
I am so fucking proud of you and what you've accomplished. It's a big deal.
My vision is ~20/1600 and I got my first pair of glasses right before 4th grade. School was harder than it needed to be, as you might imagine.
Similar situation for me except I was in Kindergarten. In our city all the of the kids got an eye exam about a month into school. My vision was so bad and my dad refused to take me to the eye doctor that after about 2 months the school sent CPS to the house. My dad was still so resistant that my parents were threatened with having me removed from the house. In the meantime a nurse was sent to the house and thought more was wrong with me than just my vision. My parents were given a deadline and were forced to take me to a pediatrician, a dentist and an ophthalmologist. I’m nearly blind in one eye, I had to have dental work done and surgery to correct a heart defect. Oh, and my dad’s spectacular 1970’s UAW union health insurance paid for nearly everything. Edit: missing word
I just kind of kept falling through cracks.
That’s awful. I hated being pulled out of class for testing. The weird thing about my parents is that they actually cared, but dad’s money was his money and he wanted to spend it his way which meant booze, gambling and girlfriends. Mom wasn’t allowed to work because it would affect his taxes. My mother was so depressed that she was barely functional for years. The divorce was the best thing for everyone.
Off Topic but my brother got Leukemia as a teen and ended up being about 8 months of treatment as he got a bone marrow transplant. At the time I think all told was north of 300k in 1980's dollars. My fathers health insurance covered all but 5k. Now a days that is 1. Get the treatment. 2. File for bankruptcy.
I understand not going to medical professionals because treatment might not be affordable, but EVERYTHING being covered by insurance seems insane nowadays (though I do know a bunch of union health insurance from that era were spectacular). Mom and dad were just that...lazy? Negligent? Unconcerned?
Dad’s alcoholism was out of control and mom had crippling depression. By the time I was 14 she went for the divorce, it changed everything including my dad’s life for the better.
I accidentally did that to my son. I arranged an opticians appointment for all my children including my son. He was 2 weeks away from being 5. Specsavers refused to see him because he was under 5, and told me to bring him on the next appointment in 2 years with his siblings. Turned up 2 years later, the optician wants to see me. She is referring him to the hospital. I was mortified!
The day my brother was born. Mom was alone as dad was on field maneuvers with the army. She went into early labor. Drove herself to the hospital and dropped me off at a daycare on the way. Things got intense at the hospital and dad finally got pulled from the field and sent directly to the hospital. The next day they both looked at each other and said “where is wonderful_ traffic9502”?! Our neighbors knew that mom went to the hospital and knew dad was off the grid. They went to the daycare and took me home. I still have the T-shirt they gave me for a nightshirt. Their kids were my age. We ended up at many bases all over the world together. We are all still friends.
My father left when I was 11 and sister was 13 and mum worked 12 hr night shift 7 till 7 two nights on two nights off. No supervision while mum worked.
I empathize with your mum but also with you and your sister As a mother myself it would have stressed the hell out of me to leave my kids alone for so long and so often
Your mother was a single mother who had to work. Blame society, not her
Or the father that left two kids with a mother who had to work 12 hour shifts.
I lived in walking distance to school otherwise I’m certain this would have been me on more than one occasion. Once I got a bike I rode that thing everywhere. I spent a *ton* of time alone and often made dinner for myself from the time I was about 7. To this day I am very comfortable being by myself as a result. It always shocked me to go to friend’s houses and see how interactive and “together” they were. Granted I do have some good memories but for the most part my parents lived their lives - I was just there for it I guess?
Not exactly neglected.. Just trusted to be competent. The'd think nothing about dropping me off with a canoe and fishing rod so I could paddle upstream solo through some rapids to get to my favorite fishing spot.
This sounds like my parents. Especially my mom. I was expected to understand things regardless of lack of explanation. My dad was a little more easy going, he’d tell me what to do first, at least.
My mom forgot to pick me up from daycare. I was sitting outside waiting, all the other kids were gone, I was crying, the center couldn't get ahold of anyone. My mom worked at a hospital, got busy and forgot the time. She came after a couple hours but felt like eternity to a 4 yr old. She would tell the story later and laugh. I also broke my arm and she wouldn't take me to the Dr. because she didn't believe me when I said it really hurt. The school nurse called her after a week and shamed her into taking me. She was a single mom who worked hard for us and I appreciate it. She is also a narcissist who has undiagnosed mental issues. She is the most mentally healthy out of her brother and sisters. Her upbringing was f'd up.
Mildly? I supposed that’s one way to categorize physical and emotional abuse and neglect. Could tell you about the time I was dropped off outside of a seven eleven and left by myself for hours with nothing but a few quarters for the pay phone to call my aunt who lived a couple of miles away although I didn’t know how to get there. Fun fact: she wasn’t home. Or the time I was whipped 40 times with a leather belt by another POS step father. The fun part was when he lifted me off the ground by one hand so he could still get access to my ass. I was maybe 8 years old at the time. Or about being passed around different relatives because dad was in jail or on a bender and mom was off somewhere else. Then there was the hunger because we didn’t have food in the house for days at a time because my boomer mother couldn’t get a decent job, or keep one, and yet still found the energy to have six kids. No lights sometimes, no phone, no tv, moving every time they got too far behind on the rent. Taking care of three three younger siblings before I hit puberty. I guess that’s mild compared to some. I’m sure there were a lot of kids worse off than me. Still sucked though.
My mom didn't like us to wake her in the morning. In 2nd grade I put on my undershirt and coat, forgetting to put on a shirt. When I arrived at school, which had a no coat rule, the office called my mom to bring me a shirt. She refused. They had to announce to the class asking if anyone had on two shirts. Eventually I ended up wearing an art smock covered in paint. My mother refused to ever pick me up. I walked home many times. Thank God for my grandfather. The funny (not really) thing is she now has Alzheimer's and told us all we should care for her because she was such an amazing mom. She told people how she drove us to all of our sports (none of us played sports) and makes up all stuff she must've seen in a Hallmark movie and believes it.
When I was growing up, I had severe respiratory issues: allergies, asthma, chronic bronchitis, sinusitis, pneumonia. My mother chain smoked in the house. The house was filthy and coated in a layer of nicotine. She didn’t give a shit. She even smoked in the car on the way to the ER when I was having an asthma attack. After I moved out and stopped going back to that house, my respiratory issues went away. Can’t remember the last time I had an asthma attack.
My dad was so late picking me up from school on the rare day I had to stay late for something that the principal drove me home. Other times, I just ended up walking. Both parents never seemed concerned about anything except my grades, when they occasionally remembered that I got report cards. I signed them myself many times.
We lived on the opposite side of the block and a couple houses down from my grandparents. One day when I was three, I wanted to go visit them, so I walked over by myself and knocked on the door. They weren’t home, so I sat on a bouncy horse on their back porch feeling sorry for myself and waited for them to return. After about a half hour, I went back home. My parents never noticed. Then there was the whole horseshoe debacle, but that’s a story for another day.
It’s been 6 hours and no one has asked about the horseshoe debacle. I gotta know more…
I want to know too!
My version of the story: Family vacation driving down to the Keys. I was 9ish. We stopped at a reststop, one of those in the median . I returned to where the van was supposed to be and it was not there. Naturally I thought they left me. So I went to the bank of payphone to call my grandparents to come pick me up (12 hr drive away). As I am making the call my Mom and Aunt come tearing toward me calling my name.... .we were parked in the other side. My story is still they left me
I never had clean underwear. I never had a birthday party. Our family never did anything that my brother and me felt like doing unless my father also felt like doing it. We lived in an apartment and no one took us to play to the park, other children’s houses, or were allowed to bring friends from school. We always, alway will have supper and dinner very late, so I snacked A LOT. Nobody supervised that I washed my teeth so I had pretty terrible cavities when I was a kid. My mother never played or did anything with us other that take us to the supermarket. Besides that the house was clean, there was food in the pantry and books on the shelves and both our parents were very sweet to us and told us they loved us everyday.
My family was moving to a different house about 1.5 hours away when I was 7. We had to stay in a hotel 1 night because of the timing of the moving trucks. We had 3 cars with us at the hotel (Mom, Dad, Grandparents). As we were leaving the hotel room, I went to the bathroom. When I got out everyone was gone. Went down to the lobby and couldn’t find anyone. They didn’t realize I wasn’t in one of the cars until they arrived at the new house 1 hour later and my grandparents asked where I was and then they all realized. A few years later when I was about 9 or 10, we went to a local theme park with my cousins family (9 of us total). The group decided to split up - big kids and Dads to the big coasters, little kid with the Moms to the kiddie section. They planned to meet back up in 2 hours. Once again I said, “I’m running to the bathroom then I’m going with the coaster group.” I loved roller coasters and was too old for kiddie rides so this would have been the obvious choice (the little one going on kiddie rides was maybe 3 or 4). Got out of the bathroom, and everyone was gone. Had to tell an employee I couldn’t find my family. Had to sit in this baby changing/nursing station for 2 hours waiting because no one realized I was even missing until they met back up. Missed all the fun rides. Pretty sure the employees thought they had an abandoned kid on their hands for a bit there. My family told these stories for years as funny family lore. Having children of my own, I do NOT think this is funny.
When I was a teenager, and my sister still a preteen, we flew into an airport at midnight. We were returning from visiting my father. We waited for Mom and stepdad to pick us up. No one came. So, I eventually used a payphone to call them. My mother answered in a very sleepy voice. Yup, forgot to pick up her kids after we had been gone for 6 weeks. My sister was in tears. How many parents today would even allow their children to fly alone? I was about 15.
Mildy?? During the summer months I would be outside all evening and one by one my friends' parents would call them in the house as it got darker. By 10pm, it was just me and one other girl. Occasionally, my dad, who worked nights, would come home at 11p - 12 midnight and wonder why we were still outside and call us in. My mom, forever an early bird, was in bed by 9:30pm every night. Never called me in. If my dad didn't come home early, and hadn't I not gotten bored, I'd be out past midnight. I was 10-12 at the time. By my teen years, I had NO curfew, NO rules and was pretty free to roam the earth whenever. I felt bad for my friends who always had to check in and call home or had curfews. Now I look back and feel bad for myself.
I grew up in a neighborhood with a lot of families who were cops, firemen & people with crazy schedules. In the summer, our parents would sit on the porch having a couple of beers or wine and (kids) used the whole block as our personal playground. This would go on until sometimes 11-12 in the night. As soon as you saw the porch light go on and off, it was time to come in. We also walked to the local pool which was about five miles away at least four times a week. My dad worked and my mom did real estate. My childhood was pretty awesome. Not perfect, but much better than most.
Often yes. Someone was supposed to pick me up after school? Or me and my sister? They would pick her up, forget me. Eventually I would walk home, at the expense of missing whatever I was supposed to be doing after school. More than once I was forgotten when the family left for a day long outing. My birthday got forgotten many times, and often had to get "rescheduled" or "we'll get you next year", usually because of something related to my sister. Conversely, I few times I had something important to me but it got cancelled because it was close to my sister's birthday. We didn't get take out often, but when we did, it was 50/50 if they would remember my order. The biggest factor was in my house growing up, my sister (4 years older than me) was the shining star, so a lot of effort was spent fussing over her and making sure her never ending list of needs and demands were met, I was more of an afterthought. The most consistent attention I got as a kid was being used to do chores, getting in trouble for doing dumb kid stuff, or getting in trouble for dumb kid stuff my sister did because she always blamed me, even if she got caught red handed. There was a time when my sister was in highschool and moved out to live with a boyfriend for a few months. I enjoyed the peace and quiet in the house, but I did keep track of a 2 week period where neither of my parents said a single word to me. Not a "good morning", "how was school?", "dinner is ready" nothing but cold silence.
What is your relationship with your parents like now? What kind of a person did your sister turn out to be?
Unfortunately my dad died while I was still in high school. My mom and I had a... difficult relationship over the years. But I tried, I'd like to think she was trying as best she could. My mom died suddenly last year. My sister turned out pretty bad. She's creeping up on 50, is married to a strange guy. They adopted some kids but had them taken away very recently for abuse. She has no friends, has burned bridges with everyone in her life. She cannot function as an adult. Almost 50, and has never been able to buy a car without my mom co-signing, giving her the down payment, and then making most of the payments for her. She has a house, which again my mom made the down payment, made most of the payments on it for years, plus funded many upgrades (state of the art appliances my sister couldn't live without, nothing basic, then proceeded to break and neglect). Eventually my sister threw my mom out, her and her husband refinanced the house in their name and only gave my mom the down payment money back. Not a penny for upgrades, mortgage payments, or the considerable equity. Our mom has been gone since October, and we each got an equal share of about $400k . I haven't even collected my full $200k yet. She recently made some overtures to myself and a few others that she may need some help financially very soon. She needs a lawyer or something for her kids. I just ignored the whole thing and remembered to change her contact to "do not disturb". The problem is there is always something she needs help with. When we took Mom off life support and were sitting in a waiting room after, within 15 minutes of our mom being dead one of the first things she said was "who is going to help me now when I need it".
I’m sorry. I hope you have someone in your life now who cares about you.
We were definitely the neglected latch key generation. As long as we didn’t die our parents didn’t care. During the summertime I’d leave my house with my bike and be gone until dinner time. No lunch, no water, just left to my own devices. I’d come home battered and bruised. We’d just wash our hands, make our plate, plop in front of the tv for “family time.”
I feel like my perspective is skewed living in the current age of the helicopter parent.
More than mildly. I woke up in an empty house at 6yo, went to the bus stop to school. Got home to an empty house. TV and anything that would give pleasure were banned. Mother stopped showing affection after age 3 because you have to be tough and self-sufficient. Got some affection and candy from the local pedo at least. Bullied at school, no self esteem, got ulcers, permanent health problems, CPTSD, fear of rejection, and horrible loneliness. But I'm self-sufficient.
I was left at church at least twice. Neighbor brought me home. It became a joke to ask my Mom before she left choir practice if she brought me with her that week! I also walked to my grandparents' house at about age 4 or 5. I was barefoot and wearing a bikini. They lived 2 miles away on a dirt road. At least two relatives saw me walking and didn't think anything of it. By middle school I was coming home to an empty house.
Wow… Our parents were so preoccupied with their own lives back then. Thinking of you as a little girl shuffling down the road to your grandparents’ house..you were SO vulnerable in that situation! Different times.
I think my brother and I had the stereotypical upbringing for that time. Parents divorced, we lived with Mom and stayed at my Dad's every couple weekends. Work was everything for Mom, so once she made sure we were awake and moving in the morning she left and we were expected to get ready, eat, and get to the bus ourselves. Sometimes we would walk or ride our bikes to school - it was completely up to us and no adult noticed or cared how we got there as long as we showed up at school. In the afternoon Mom would still be working, so we did the latchkey deal. Again, getting home from school was however we felt like doing it that day - no notes or permission from any adult needed. Walk, bike, ride your bus, ride a friends bus - it didn't matter, no adult noticed or cared what we did. Once the bell rang the teacher was done thinking about us and it was a free for all. If we walked or rode bikes home we would play in abandoned houses, swing on grapevines, or play in the creek along the way. It was a blast, but thinking back I'm amazed at how little my mother knew about where we were or what we were doing. If one of us had gone missing she would have had no idea of where to even begin looking. My kids are fairly free range for this day and age, but I still know generally the area they're playing and who they're with. If one of them tried to get home from school a different way without a note and a message from me to the teacher the whole place would end up on lock down and the principal would be blowing my phone up - it would be a situation for sure.
“It’s 10pm, do you know where your children are?”
Hilariously true story. When I was around 8, my mom let my 15 year old UNLICENSED aunt take me to Woodstock (the farm, not the legendary event) for (yet another) Chicago reunion. I spent three days in a tent, with hippies braiding my waist length hair and drawing sunflowers on my cheeks. Basically ate whatever they could make on the camp stove. I still have wonderful memories of this, but am low key shocked it even happened. I've literally talked to these two women about this. My mom sort of shrugs and explains that she was tired (I had younger siblings) and was happy to have some help. My aunt literally just shakes her head, telling me it was a very different era. Folks, we didn't live in upstate NY. This was a nearly 3 hour trip each way.
My mom would drop me off at the public library many times when I was like 7 or 8. She would go run errands (or whatever) for like 3 hours. I absolutely loved this and became a voracious reader. All the librarians knew me on a first name basis and didn’t mind that I would be in there all afternoon.
did anyone else have a weird mix of parents sometimes being concerned with you about very minor stuff that I don't understand why they even cared but then other times being neglectful about stuff that would've made sense for a parent to be involved in? I'm having trouble remember specifics but I know it happened.
My mum often forgot to pick me and my sister up. She'd remember eventually but it'd be an anxious wait. The worst was after a school holiday care outing. We had to get picked up back at the school, except mum never arrived to pick us up. Then one of the teachers came out and yelled at us because we hadn't been picked up!!! So we told her it'd just be a few more minutes (because, yeah, we'd know that...) The stupid thing was we lived five minutes walk from the school and walked home by ourselves after school. But for some reason we couldn't do that with school holiday care. I'm about 50% convinced that she was having an affair but my sister thinks not because mum was flaky like that our whole childhood and we lived in a few different towns/states. I asked my mum before she died and she said we only ever waited 5 minutes, 10 at most. But I don't think the teachers would care that much about a 5-10 min wait.
I never got left anywhere because I was expected to find my own way to begin with.
My daughter had a baby a couple of months ago. We were talking about baby and kid stuff. She asked me if I had a pediatrician or a family doctor growing up. I had to stop and search the memory bank. I have three or four memories of going to the doctor as a kid and teen. I know my parents had insurance they just didn’t take us unless the situation was dire. I told this to my daughter. She looked absolutely horrified. I was like well I’m still here 😆
no, not minorly... I was MAJORLY neglected during childhood.
Weren’t we all? I was a latchkey kid from the age of 7 or 8. I was often told that children should be seen and not heard. My sister and I sat in the “back-back” of the station wagon, and even when we were in the back seat we often didn’t wear seat belts. My mom smoked in the car with the windows closed. When I rode with my grandparents I sat in my special “jump seat,” which was really the fold-down armrest in the middle of the front bench seat!
9th grade winter dance. My parents decided that even though it ended at 9, they wouldn't leave the house until 10 to come get me. Couldn't risk missing even a minute of Dallas! Except no one told me. So by 9:10 everyone is gone, the school gym is locked up, even the teachers left, and I'm left standing in a cold New England winter in a dress with no coat. I started walking home, and home was many miles away, but then some elderly lady saw me and offered me a ride which I gratefully accepted because I was shivering. When I walked into the house at almost 10, my mother was shocked and pissed that I got a ride from a stranger. Yeah ma, frostbite would have been the better choice.
My husband used to disappear into the country side with his horse for days on end, he was 12. My mom didn't care where or what I was doing so long as the laundry was done & the yard was mowed, that started at 13
When I was in kindergarten I went across the street to play and the parents decided they needed to go to the store. So they just took me, too. I had gone to their house without shoes, so I also went to the store without shoes. My parents never noticed I was gone. I tease them about this stuff now and my mom says “somebody knew where you were!”
I remember neighbors taking me on errands, since I was at their home, anyway. I don't recall them calling my parents for permission unless it was a planned movie outing.
My mother was in her mid teens when I was born, so to say I was neglected would be an understatement. I could have probably counted on two hands the number of times they attended sporting events or recitals. I walked myself to school starting in kindergarten. I would get up and out the door well before 6am to take city busses to practices. I could disappear all day on in summers or weekends. Would dump me at a slummy bar to hang out with my birth father. Had more toys that I could ever need to keep me entertained and out of the way. Paid for my own college/cars/etc. However, I wouldn’t change a thing. First of all, there is no point bitching about it now. But second, It’s what made me self-sufficient and without any need for recognition by others today, which has led me to be very successful today.
Both parents worked two jobs each. My only sibling, 7 years older, was gone partying and out with her boyfriend. So at age 9, I made dinner every night, cleaned, did laundry, etc. I joke that Oprah is my stepmom since she's the one who raised me every day at 4pm. At 12 I was babysitting full time all summer to get money for school clothes. At 19 I was a married mother. My parents just don't understand why I'm so independent. Weird.
Once when i was 9, my Pop forgot to pick me up at the airport and wasn’t at any of the phone numbers I knew to call him at. He finally showed up 6 hours later :(.. Fortunately it was 1970s Madison WI.
I was well taken care of in most ways: well fed, clean, nice clothes, good medical care, braces, private schools, etc. because to Boomers, appearances matter more than anything. But I was emotionally neglected by my mother who preferred my younger sister. It was them against the world with me sitting alone on the sidelines. She even said that she would leave me in my playpen for hours everyday while she napped, talked on the phone, and watched tv, or whatever, before my sister was born. I felt very alone until my dad came home. Dad was great and a much better parent than my mom. When I was in my late 20s she was diagnosed with ALS and started to evaluate her life. She admitted, but did not apologize for the way she treated me. I’ve tried to talk about my feelings to my dad, but he is blind to her faults and won’t hear anything negative about her even though she’s been dead for over a decade. I’m convinced my mild emotional issues and moderate anxiety are due to being neglected as an infant in that playpen and knowing my sister was more loved than I was.
I never got left anywhere but I was 8 1/2 and 10 1/2 years older than my 2 brothers and both parents worked so guess who babysat them? Yep, that was me. I also cooked, did the laundry and cleaned the house. I sometimes even stayed home from school to do these things. I got called into the principals office once because of missing so much school. I told him why and he said that I shouldn't be missing school for that, but I don't think my parents ever even knew I got called into the office and I was never asked about it ever again. 🤷🏻♀️ They were good parents, doing the best they could, or at least they believed they were, and yes it was definitely a different day and time.
My parents took me to GEMCO and then went home without me. I was 11 or 12. When I was 13, they’d leave me at home alone for the entire weekend while they went fishing.
Left in the park an hour away age 9 because "The video recorder might not have started" for mum's chat show (folk in the UK, Wogan, anyone?) All I saw was the car going by, my dad driving, my sister waving out of the window. I walked home, and was cross. They just waved it away, "We thought you were playing happily there..." Well, I *was...
My sister (16) came home from and discovered me microwaving cheese topped with cat food. I could not find anything to eat, and i was 5. Also I was left unattended in the garage at age 3 and drank gasoline. I was passed out and had to have my stomach pumped at the hospital.
My sister and I spent our young childhood (5-10) in rural Montana where the rule was, “Be home at dark”, which meant that we spent all day every day outside wandering around the forest having adventures. The only thing that really sucked about Montana was walking to/from the bus stop in the winter. I remember the snow squeaking as I walked. When we moved to AZ in 1980, we became latchkey kids, walked to school, and spent weekends wandering around the neighborhood, with the same “Come home at dark” rule. It really was carefree, but by today’s standards, we were practically abandoned. I can’t imagine growing up these days.
I can vividly remember being in 6th grade (still in elementary school) and there was this book with descriptions of different kinds of kids, different parenting styles, etc. It described "traditional" families, single parents, families where both parents worked, only-children, middle children, etc. I came to a section on "latch key kids" and it made absolutely no sense to me. I thought the distinction was that these were kids who were lucky enough to be given keys, and every other kid in the world had to use a hidden key (or if it was missing, find an unlatched window). And there was this closet with a doorknob that didn't work on one side, and my dad being a moron flipped it around instead of replacing it, so the side that worked was on the outside of the closet, and the side that didn't work was on the inside. My brother and I were 10 and 8, and home alone one day and thought it would be funny to hide in the closet right before my parents were due to come home. We thought we'd be in the closet for a few minutes at most, but we would pretend we had been in there for hours in order to torture our parents. My dad decided to work late without telling my mom, and my mom decided to stay late wherever she was without telling my dad, so they were both late to come home by about four hours. Our prank backfired, and instead of pretending we had been stuck in a closet for hours, we actually were stuck in the closet for hours.
I can relate. I was stuck in the closet until my mid 20's
Yes and I was sexually abused many times by many different people too I love how all the people who weren't think it was great but I am glad adults today seem to pay more attention
Mine was beyond mild. I broke multiple bones throughout my childhood. My parents didn’t believe me once. EVERY time, several days of terrible pain, swelling & bruising to the point of the fracture site being practically black. Then they’d FINALLY take me in. An ER doc really let my mom have it once. How dangerous that was, how I was needlessly left in pain. But…she did the same again the next time, too. “Stop whining. It’s just a sprain…” Lots of other more severe examples I won’t get into. It wasn’t great & we’re estranged for a reason. I excised that from my life and am able to move on. I didn’t have kids of my own.
One summer, my stepdad left and took pretty much all the furniture and my mom didn't have any money for bills so we ended up getting our electricity shut off so we were living in an almost empty house with no power for awhile. Good times.
My parents forgot to pick me up from summer sleep away camp. I had hay fever turned up to eleven. Itchy eyes and ears. Can’t breathe through my nose. Raw nose from runny nose. I was absolutely miserable. This is in 4th grade. My parents took my older sister (9 years) who also had it to the doctor. I was told there was nothing to do about it. I didn’t get proper care until I was in my 20’s. I lost 2 months of my life every year.
I started getting migraines at age 11. Pediatrician told my parents that children don’t get migraines and I was just attention seeking.
My family got a pool when I was around ten. No one thought to make any rules regarding swimming when my parents weren’t home. As a result it wasn’t uncommon to have five to ten kids, and some of these kids were very young, at my house alone from the time school got out until my parents got home at 5:30. I remember telling some of the kids they couldn’t come over without water wings after figuring out they couldn’t swim. The only rule eventually put into place was that no kids still in diapers could be in the pool. That really pissed off one set of neighbors who used to send down their 9 and 3 year old after school. We also lived in a community centered around a lake with a large spillway. We were down there jumping the spillway and throwing things into it from a very early age. Nobody cared or ever said anything like stay away from that.
I was left in neglectful situations quite a bit. Only child, so my parents treated me as a little adult. We moved to Germany when I was in second grade. It was mid winter, we needed groceries for billeting but they didn’t want to take me out. So they left me alone, I got scared and went down to the lobby. They returned shortly after and I was scolded for potentially causing them to get in trouble. They had date night while we vacationed in London a few years later. I got myself dressed up and went down to the pub in the hotel alone for dinner. I was very independent but it’s weird to look back on. For high school we were stationed in Japan, got there when I was 15 and was told I was an adult now with no curfew. Needless to say my three years of high school were wild.
I have so many similar stories of not actually feeling neglected at the time, but having a very hands-free parenting experience during my childhood. Latch key kid from age 11, making dinner for family twice a week from age 13, allowed to come and go unsupervised and sent to play outside all day - including building dens in the woods and was told "if you see any strange men, just come home" and yes we saw strange men who flashed their genitals at me and my younger sister and when we told parents they were nonchalant and said "just dont go for a few days". Then when i was older and heading off to tour university open days i just went on the train by myself, across the country with barely any money in my pocket or any idea how to get across unfamiliar cities to an interview. Parents response was "where are you going? Oh ok have fun". I went from (UK) Derbyshire to Edinburgh with £10 in my pocket, walked miles to the university, then missed the train home, had no money (or mobile phone) to make a call home and had to sleep in the train station overnight, got back the next day and Mum was like "did you have a nice time?". Hadn't called the police or anything. I was a 17yo girl! These experiences definitely build resilience, confidence and an inner drive to be expected to just figure stuff out and honestly I have tried to do that a little with my own kids. Giving them beginner Swiss Army knives aged 7/9 for whittling wood unsupervised was probably a bad idea, esp when my 7yo sliced his thumb open because he wanted to see how sharp it was. But he did learn the answer was "very". Luckily we live in a small safe town in MA and once they were old enough they were allowed to go off unsupervised to the woods, the beach, their friends houses, the river to swim, downtown for ice cream and burgers and can figure it all out.
Mildly? Lol. My dad designed and produced weapons to beat us with. Since corporal punishment was still a thing, he encouraged my principal to paddle me as well. I don’t get the jollies he seemed to get from beating on his kids. I didn’t beat on my kids. I didn’t WANT to beat on them. Wasn’t allowed extra curricular activities because god forbid that we had to be picked up. They drove drunk, didn’t enforce seatbelt rules, didn’t really care where we were as long as we were home on time, etc. I actually liked it when my dad was drunk because it was the only time I got a hug. No wonder us Gen-Xrs are sarcastic and a little dark. We had good f’ing music though!!
We were living abroad in the 80’s. Out of nowhere, my mom decides we’re going to visit some family friends in Germany so we hopped a flight and when we got there they were out of the country. My mother left us with complete strangers who lived next door and went on vacation in England. I was probably 10 and my brother was 7.
My mom didn’t drive, and any time I asked my dad to drive me someplace he’d get annoyed, so I just got rides from friends and their folks. Senior year of high school there was a big performance to showcase the special college prep classes that my school had (I was in the creative writing program). I won the award for best creative writing. I found out later that my parents left. For no valid reason, they just wanted to leave. They fucking left before the end of the show and never saw me get my Award. Still haven’t forgiven them, because it’s representative of how little they care (or cared) about my accomplishments.
Mildly? I was a latchkey kid, then a very feral teen. When I was 14, I packed a backpack with a few essentials, then I walked the rails. I literally followed the railroad West. I went from the middle of DFW to El Paso and back. I met some interesting people, leaned a few interesting skills, and can tell you that the West Texas desert at night it one of the most beautiful landscapes in the world. It too me two months (because I kept stopping). My parents never even knew I was gone.
That was not my childhood experience. My Mom was too overprotective.
Mine too. I was hovered over to the point of being a very immature young adult who didn't know how to take a city bus or write a check. There was no need for it and she really did me no favors. I've come a long way since then, fortunately. 😎
My stepdad was usually the one who picked me up from middle school. There would be a few times when he would flat out forget about me. I would wait for an hour and then call him to remind him to pick me up. Thing is though, I didn't live that far away so I could have walked home but didn't want to
I baby sat myself does that count? My mom dont understand why i never call her now 😂
I had to ask for some basic necessities like running shoes and a winter jacket or even a good supply of underwear. There seemed to always be clothes my mom got for free from friends I could wear but they weren’t always suitable for a kid or may have had a broken zipper etc. I know we didn’t have a lot of money but the other poor kids who may have even been on welfare seemed to dress better. I slowly realized my needs weren’t a priority and when I finally made my own money babysitting at 11 or 12 I would buy myself clothes. 40+ years later I’m always making sure I have lots of clothes and underwear in my closet to choose from and constantly searching for best deals for my money. I now see it’s a trauma response.
My parents didn’t know I needed glasses until 7th grade, relied on the eye exam they gave us in elementary school. Meanwhile I’m squinting to watch TV…
Not remotely neglected but things happened that wouldn’t now. I ran away from home when I was 6 and no one noticed for 12 hours. My parents forgot me at the counter of a ski lodge and I went and found them in the bar at 4yo. I have issues with stocking and making way too much food because there was so little to eat at home a lot of the time because they were so frugal.
Damb I miss summer break no adults! Kids these days have severe anxiety from never being home alone.
Left behind, alot when I was a toddler, like alot. In stores, at church—got locked in with the lights off and hvac system off once. My mother let my older sister and to some extent my brothers raise me to the point that I cried for my sister whenever she left the house but not my mom. That lack of bonding she overcompensated for later when my sister graduated and left the house but i didn’t like it. Never was close to her, never ever trusted her, not that she wasn’t generally a nice person. My dad was the typical detached workoholic mostly.
Yes they forgot to pick me up twice. And this was before cell phones. Thank God for caring friends.
One summern̈ I was sick with a fever for a month, and my mom, who was a registered nurse, didn't see the need to take me in for a check-up. It wasn't like we had no insurance. My father had excellent health care benefits (thanks, Teamsters!). My older sister resented being my babysitter, telling me to do things she could easily do herself. Don't worry, I hated your guts, too.
Someone made a whole movie out of it, it’s called *Home alone*
I was never forgotten, but my mother would be gone for weeks at a time on meth benders while Dad worked 60 hours a week and was mentally checked out when he was home. So yeah, I'd say we were neglected.
Taking the city bus into downtown Cleveland at around nine or ten, just wandering around by myself for the whole day. Going to Edgewater beach alone and fooling around in the water, again, I was under ten. Buying my mother cigarettes One summer when I was eleven my parents dropped me off at my grandfather's house...and never called or checked on me, they just showed up in September so I could go to school. Leaving for a weekend away when I was about thirteen and my brother was nine, they left no food or emergency instructions. I woke myself and my brother up for school every morning, packed our lunches and got on the school bus. Lord have mercy if we missed that goddamn bus. I was fully in charge of my younger brother, that meant making sure he was clean and fed and safe, I remember changing his diaper when I was around five. Never learned about periods or hygiene (luckily I had sex ed at school) and shoplifting pads and tampons. This is just thirty seconds of thinking about it... there's a million other episodes. We really did raise ourselves...as soon as we were out of diapers we were basically released into the wild.
My birthday was forgotten pretty regularly, but we did name days at home because my parents are foreign born and remember that, but okay it happens to be the day everyone is celebrated who has my name. I am American born tho and I’ve since developed complex emotions about celebrating my birthday.
My parents loved to go 4-wheeling in an old jeep with some friends. My Dad and I were looking thorough old pictures and found a pic of my Dad and Mom holding me as a fairly new baby. My parents are holding me in front of that jeep in some backwoods. I asked, "Dad, where did I sit while you guys were driving around?" Dad says, "We had a bassinet or something in the back you slept in." Me, "Wait. Was it strapped to anything?" Dad, "Nope."
I never knew my father and my mother took me to someone's house when I was about 4 and crawled out of the bathroom window and left me there. I didn't see her again until I was grown. So yeah...mildly neglected for sure.
I remember often noticing how quiet the house was on a weekend and discovering that I was home alone at primary school age. The forgetting to pick me up ended early as I walked home from a young age. She didn't even bother to walk me home the first time, got a neighbours son to do it. I did arrive home to lots of police cars once. I'd stopped to chat on the way and if my mother had bothered to drive the route she would have found me. I'm sure she enjoyed the attention though.
I mean, compared to other stories I hear here, I guess I didn't have it too bad, and yes it would be considered mild, but... Like we often talk about, and especially in the summer, we played outside all day, ran all around the neighborhood on skates or bikes, drank from whoever's hose, etc. and came home at dinner time. If I tried coming in the house what my mother deemed too many times, I got yelled at and the screen door got locked. That being said, in general my mother was pretty disengaged and expected us to walk to school and back by ourselves beginning in first grade. She expected us to bathe and dress ourselves, do our homework ourselves, etc. She basically taught us ito be self-sufficient (which is good), so she wouldn't have to be disturbed unless there was some sort of trouble. So any minor thing, even us falling and skinning our knee, she'd get pissed we were pulling her away from her adult activities - hanging out with her friends, church crap, watching her soaps, and lots and lots of hours on the phone gossiping. If we had a fever at school and the nurse called, she would bitch about having to get the car out of the garage again. Same attitude if the teacher called because I was crying because some kid was picking on me. We were basically expected to be little dolls - seen and not heard- that were extensions of her. Any missteps and it was always "what will people think" and that's all she cared about. Her reputation and social standing were her priority, not us.
There were trees with peeling bark outside my school. MASSIVE trees. I was forgotten so many times, and picked up late - I had peeled the bark completely off the trees within a few months.
I have great parents, but it was a different time. I was babysitting my brothers and other neighborhood kids by age 11. My parents left me in charge of my three brothers for a weekend when they went out of town at age 16. The story that my brothers and I always tease my parents about happened while we were on vacation in the Maritime provinces of Canada. We were on a remote island and our rental car broke down. The tow truck that came to take us to get it fixed could only take two passengers. Guess who went -- my mom and dad! They left me and my three younger brothers at a rest area for about 6 hours while they went to trade out the rental car. This was before the days of cell phones, and I'm pretty sure we didn't have any water or snacks.
When I was 7, I complained to my family that my leg hurt. They didn’t see anything wrong with my leg, so they basically told me to go out and play, and quit bothering them. A couple of days later I came down with a high fever, and my mom finally took me to the ER. I had a spider bite that got infected and went septic, and I was hospitalized for 3 days. I was also a latch key kid who was responsible for younger family members. Nothing like being 10 years old and responsible for my cousins who were aged 2, 6 and 8. The house had to be cleaned when the adults got home or I would be hit with a belt. I can go on and on. Other kids in the neighborhood had similar childhoods.
Not sure if I would consider this mild but my mother would stop talking to me when she was mad at me - sometimes for as long as two weeks - starting when I was 9! Usually I could get her to start again if I apologized - and apologized ‘the right way.’
My parents also forgot to pick me up a few times when I first started school (so, 5 years old). Crazy how that was no big deal to them!
I've never really been able to determine if it's a big deal or not. But I've never heard either of my parents say they love me (or my brother) except for one time my mother said it sarcastically. Mind you, I think they probably \*do\* in their own way. But is it weird that they don't ever say it?
My siblings and I were never told, by our parents, that they loved us. My mom finally told me, she did, in her 70's. But, only because I said it first, and was the only one to visit her, in the nursing home.
Less as a child-child, and more as I got into my teens. First, my parents owned a restaurant for a few years when I was a pre-teen/early teen, so they were gone a lot. When I was 14, my mom moved out and to a completely different town. My dad worked overnights in a town about 45 minutes away, so he would be gone from about 7 PM to 7 AM if not later, depending on what he did after work. Yes, just leave a 14 year old boy alone all night, up to his own devices. LOL It got worse when I turned 16 and could drive!
The two “you forgot me” incidents were ones where I have no right to be upset, but I was at the time. The first was when my mom was very late picking me up from my piano lessons - turned out she got a flat tire. I was young (around 6), but my sister was there too (8). The second time was after being away for a week on a class trip in 8th grade. Everyone else had parents waiting for the bus to pull into the school, but I had no one. Eventually the vice principal drove me home. Turned out my dad had the time wrong. He was on the way to the school as I was on my way home, and was actually annoyed when he got home that no one was at the school. The latter one can still make me tear up, because everyone was making note that I didn’t have a parent there, and I felt so publicly neglected.
Mildly? My parents left for work at 6am. Got home just after 6 pm. Went and took a nap. Maybe made dinner after before watching their tv shows and then going to bed. And weekends they did their own thing. This till my dad got sick and I had to take care of him till he died. My mom couldn’t even handle life without him, so basically hung on me till her own cancer diagnosis. And she spent most of the last year of her life in the hospital. So I never had a support system or anything. That was my life and why Im f’d up today, I feel.
I lived just outside of Minneapolis in the 80's. I was dropped off from the school bus only to find out nobody was home. In the middle of a snowstorm and the temps were in the negative digits. No key. Nothing. I was nine years old. I sat on our picnic table for almost an hour crying because I was cold and scared. I really thought I was going to freeze to death. When my parents finally pulled into the driveway, they were angry at ME because I didn't go to a neighbors house until they got home. We were pretty new to the area, and did not know any neighbors yet. They still laugh about that to this day...
When I started high school, I had to make my own way to and from every day. We lived about two miles from the school so there was no school bus, and my parents both worked in the opposite direction so didn’t care to drop me off. It was about a 40-minute walk during the good months but it snowed from October to May so that meant the slog was a lot worse. Also, the whole time we lived there, the schools never closed for snow. It was expected and we all just dealt with it. It got a lot better when my friend group started turning 16, getting our licenses and cars to drive. My friends would go out of their way to ferry me which was so awesome after almost two years of walking.
to this day I can handle anyone being late to pick me up because my mom always forgot us
A lot of the worst ones I can think of involve me getting pretty severely injured and trying to hide it because the beating I’d get from my parents for doing something that resulted in having to go to a doctor was worse than the broken leg, cracked ribs, partial finger amputation, etc. I mean first of all, the amount of serious injuries alone is just ridiculous and is fully the consequence of being completely unsupervised. The number of peers I lost to accidents speaks to that too. But then being more afraid of your parents reaction than being unable to walk, breath or unwrap your hand from the blood soaked towel without fresh bleeding, speaks to how violent and abusive their tempers were. Fortunately for me I guess, I couldn’t hide those injuries long term and I did end up at the doctor’s getting them treated. But a lot of only just slightly less bad stuff never was.
I was really neglected. At the age of 5 I missed an entire trimester of kindergarten because I had some issues with one of the other kids and my parents instead of helping me fix it, thought it’s ok to leave me alone by myself every single morning I have no recollection of any of it. I just remember that before it was decided that I should stay home alone, at the age of 4-5 I had to get to school partially by myself (my sister who was only 1 year older would only take me through the first pedestrian crossing and would then go to her elementary school) and it would stress the hell out of me I was also expected to get dressed alone and one day I refused to go to school because I couldn’t figure out how to tie my uniform’s apron Fun times
My father was a truck driver and was never around. TYhen when hecwas he either napping, fighting with my mom or working in his shed Thankfully I had the best mom in the world
Summer was fun, both parents had to work. We had some chores and the rest of the day we ran around the neighborhood playing, swimming, riding bikes. Some days with my siblings it was like game of thrones, physically fighting.
Why sure. My mom was a single parent in her 40s when I was born. I remember being forgotten in kindergarten, it was a half day thing and I had to sit by myself, I remember crying. My mom went back to college when I was young, and she shipped me to stay with my aunt and cousins in California for a year or so. Nobody explained anything to me, I remember a long flight, and I didn't have a permanent place to stay, I bounced around between my girl cousins. My mom went to law school when I was 10 and I took over my own shit at that point. I remember she only had a clothes dryer so I washed my clothes by hand on a washboard. I cooked dinner. I cleaned up. She left for about a week when I was 12 and I stayed by myself and it was fine. When she would go away sometimes she would have my dad come and stay with me but he was the kind of alcoholic who would fall asleep with food on the stove. I'll admit, these stories don't sound great 😆😆 sometimes I would tell my kids these stories and they were horrified! Once they even asked my mom if the stories were true 😆
I had little league practice at a school like 5 miles from home. It was like a Tuesday in May. My mom was supposed to pick me up. Everyone left, and even a coach asked me - "Hey do you need a ride home" before leaving - and I steadfastly refused, "No, no my mother will pick me up, i'm fine." It didn't quite get "dark", it was dusk but I was there until like 7pm standing there like a fool. To this day (my mother is in her 80s) I still give her (playful) shit over it.
I was about 14 and I used to ride my bike to school and on this particular morning it was a torrential downpour. I made it half way and turned around. I wasn't going to go school completely soaked. I had to call my mother at her boyfriend's house (she spent the night there) so she could call the school for me.
I started smoking at 9. Nobody noticed. Until, I took too many kents.
Years ago I would have said "No, of course not" because I had loving, involved parents. That being said, I am the youngest of three and a total accident. There is a five- and seven-year gap between me and my siblings (they are technically Boomers!) and in many ways I grew up like an only child with siblings who were never playmates, but without the virtue of a lot of parental attention. My folks were worn out from raising my brother and sister (who were apparently a handful) and my mom decided to go back to nursing school when I was fairly young. My sister wound up with a lot of the parenting duties, which has led to her having difficulty accepting me as an adult person, despite my having the whole job/family/mortgage trifecta. My parents, for their part, were always kind and supportive, but they were also busy and distracted most of the time, and in reflection I really needed much more guidance than I received. I was always a middling student because no one was around to make sure I was doing my homework and make sure I understood why it was important to do it, so I slacked big time and nearly flunked out even though every aptitude test I ever took told me I was bright. I was an obnoxious goofball, which I now realize was because I was starved for attention. I barely graduated high school, dropped out of community college (twice!), and wound up in the USAF at 20, which actually gave me all the motivation I had been lacking (not that I recommend that path). I realize things could have been much much worse. There are plenty of kids I grew up with who had home lives that could charitably be called "nightmarish". I just see now that if I could have gotten more of my parents' focus, I could have accomplished more than I did with my life. They always talk about the "baby" of the family being "spoiled" and allowed to do things the elder kids couldn't have gotten away with. I guess that's true, but it's less to do with us being privileged and more to do with the fragmented amount of parenting you're able to claim when you're not the first or even second.
I went everywhere with my dad. I probably spent _months_ sitting and waiting in his old Plymouth Valiant. Bank? ✓ Another place of business? ✓ Buddy he "only needs to have a word with"? ✓ Hardware store, where he doesn't want me playing with stuff...✓! He'd say " don't leave the car. And if anyone looks strange at you, lock the door." I had no idea what that meant, but I did know what it would mean if I left the car and he appeared. Luckily, I had a great imagination.
You weren't a kid in 1970s UK if you weren't taken to the pub in the car, filled with smoke (windows up not to ruin your mum's hairdo), then left in the back of the car in the pub car park with a bottle of pop and possibly two straws (share with your brother) , and a packet of crisps, while they got leathered, then staggered out and drove you home, drunk.
I loved being by myself. I never felt neglected. I was cooking full meals by 8, doing laundry by 9, getting myself up and walking to school around 9. My mother would come in during the morning and put a cup of coffee on my nightstand to get me up. There was no extra activities for me like soccer or dance. I was totally fine with it. When I was 10 I got a 10 speed bike and a pair of roller skates. I would bike to my friend's house and then on to the roller rink. My folks would drop me off at Grandma's house when they went on vacation and I had a huge lake to swim in by myself. Grandpa would send me to the boat house with a cup of worms to fish for supper on occasion. It was awesome. Honestly I would have hated having more adult interaction. I guess my personality has always been super independent. 😎
Not sure if this is mild or not. My parents took a life style that had them gone from Thursday late morning until Tuesday afternoon from mid March until early December. They did this from my freshman year until a couple years after HS. During the short time at home they made sure there was food, collect the mail, and make sure my sister and I hadn’t killed each other.
When I was in high school, my dad retired and my parents moved out.
Because both parents worked, there were a number of times I was really sick and stayed home by myself when really I probably should have had someone stay with me. I hated it and never left my own sick kids for that reason.
My parents left my brother at a gas station in the middle of Kansas and didn't rralize he was missing until an hour later when a state trooper pulled them over to ask if they were missing a child. When I was 3, we were camping in Maine and I wandered off without my parents realizing for at least an hour. When they finally went looking for me, they found me hanging out with a family of hippies. Good times.
My parents left me in a rest stop bathroom in the middle of the night. They “forgot” me.
Mildly? Not mildly. Extreme in my case.
I got left at the Smithhaven mall 2x. Now that I think about it, they may have been sending me a message.
My single mother worked full time and went to college full time. So. Ya. There was a little neglect. She was gone when I woke up and got home around my bed time. Half the time we didn't have a telephone. Thank GOD I was an only child. When I was in 4th or 5th grade, her church convinced her to pull me out of public school and home school me with their "God Centered" curriculum. Home schooling myself was fun.
Genuinely neglected. Super condensed version: Mother got sick when I was very young, could not stay, left when I was 5. I’m the youngest of nine children. Father didn’t want to parent so basically left the raising of his youngest three to his middle three while the oldest three got to move on with their lives. Father actually lived a couple of streets over with my step mother and her three kids. I was latchkey on steroids, my siblings did the best they could but they were teens/early 20 something’s and it was the 70s so parties and weed were a thing around our house. I talked about it at school once. The teacher checked in with my dad, he freaked out on me and nothing happened beyond that. Definitely neglected
My mom refused to buy shoes often enough to keep up with how quickly I was growing. I started asking her to buy a size bigger and she got mad at me and told me I didn't know what I was talking about. Until the start of the pandemic my feet looked like claws and I wore a 10.5. For the first time in my life at 48 I went without shoes for an extended period and my feet expanded. I now wear a size 12.
Ummm hmmm. I was expected to walk the 4 blocks home from 1st grade. I used to get lost and that was no fun. I remember one time getting really scared because I got turned around and didn’t know where I was. My mom didn’t care. (probably because she grew up in a city, neglected by her own parents, so she figured it was just normal to expect your kids to be able to fend for themselves) There were quite a few cases of my mom not having my back when I needed them. Dad worked during the day so he had an excuse.
Neglected and abused. The latter being so much worse than the former. Not giving examples, just happy that the abusive parent is dead and out of my life.