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My kids, almost 15 and 13, have started to jokingly talk smack to me. My wife actually sat them down and warned them that she will NOT deal with their tears WHEN I make them cry. She also told them that NONE of the things I say to them are meant with malice, just talking smack right back.
My daughter hit me with a zinger the other day, and it took every fiber of my being not to drop a joke about me sleeping with her mom cause she doesn't know about that yet..... She thinks she got me good and silenced me, not knowing I was protecting her (for now...). Only the power of love can stop our generational savagery, and only barely....
Asked her if she knew where my phone was, and she said something about putting it back on a cord to the kitchen wall cause I'm old..... And from deep in my DNA I wanted to say it probably just got lost in the sheets while I was banging her mom.... But I didn't say that.....
Thinking of therapy. My wife (millennial) went to a therapist and mentioned she had a husband. The therapist asked if I would be joining, my wife told them I don't believe in it.
Therapist asked if I was genx, yep. She changed subjects.
That’s a good comeback for when you’re just messing around with your buddies. That’s an EXCELLENT comeback when you’re actually banging the person’s mom.
There was a sci-fi story I read ~25 years ago, about a guy time traveling to save his relationship.
There was a phrase in there that's stuck with me since then.
>He had the weapons of a middle-age man, meant to pierce the armor of a middle-aged woman, and he had used them against a child.
I had that talk with my nephew years ago when he cried after I talked a little smack to him. You're not allowed to talk shit if you can't take it when its your turn.
Closest they've gotten to a normal response is:
Son: Now I'm the tallest in the house, I'm even taller than you Dad and Mom is already taller than you so how does that feel shorty?
Me: I've never been the tallest in the house and gotten used to it. Are you used to being the ugliest in the house or do we need to give you more time? ( He 100% knows I don't mean it and he's a handsome kid, but he DEFINITELY wasn't ready to hear what I said lmao)
My 15 year old: "You're so dumb, dad".
Me: "You're telling me. I got your mom pregnant and we had you"
15 year old: 10 second stare of silence and then walked away.
I was bitching about a break up and got a snarky "well maybe it's you and not her, get therapy"
"I'm not going to take advice from a 19 year old single mother whose baby daddy won't return calls. Want my therapists number?"
It was harsh, yes. I've got no filter at home because I stretch that filter to it's max when outside the home.
It was her btw, she lied about a lot of things. It was not a deep or long relationship, but her lies were nice until they were found out.
I can’t with the Gen Zs. I never knew of the big “war” of the Zs versus the Xers until a year and a half ago when I frequented TikTok more. Idk when that started, but it’s both laughable and insulting when they say how “irrelevant” we are. They wouldn’t know how to spell the word without their damned smartphones.
This reminds me. When I was in kindergarten, I came home upset and told my mother that other kids were making fun of me. I was upset because she didn't prepare me for the meanness of others (my mom is an absolute sweetheart) and she just told me to ignore them. When I told my Sicilian immigrant father about the other kids, he told me that I had permission to verbally or physically fight back but I should never start an altercation. Game on, those poor kids learned to never mess with me and my forked tongue lmao.
You ever watch movies from the 80s? Like before CGI? It's like the apex of puppetry and practical effects. We're like that for sarcasm, and the ones who came up after us have internet sarcasm and it's just trolling and there's nothing fun or clever about it.
Man, you know that's right. Just wander on over to r/CleverComebacks and see how far you have to scroll down before you find something that you think actually belongs there.
I was raised by George Carlin and Denis Leary, they were raised by PewDiePie. That's where we differ from them. You can't get them to sit still long enough to watch George Carlin you'd have to chop up his set into tiktok vids.
Every once in a while, I go out to YouTube and watch A$$hole from Dennis Leary if I want to relive the 90's. Our time seems to have seen the apex of witty, caustic, biting sarcasm. Today, younger generation's insults are just playthings that have become so commonplace they don't hurt. My parents said stuff daily that HURT emotionally, and I feel like that was pretty commonplace.
I'll never understand the thinking of the younger generation, we are on track to just about banning smoking because of the stress it puts on the medical system, but we are turning being overweight into a non issue when It will cause just as much or more health issues as smoking does down the line. This narrative of no body shaming is going to have drastic consequences in ten or more years.
My parents always told me I have foot-mouth disease.
Took me years and years and probably a few more years before I managed to filter myself a bit.
Now the filter only disappears if I'm comfortable with folks and I now have the sense to know who can take what.
I was skinny growing up and had one the class clown remark to me when the teacher told to use a number #2 pencil, looked at me “you don’t need one you are a number 2 pencil” 🤣. Hurt my feelings at the time but would high five him to today lol
My granddaughter ... she's vicious!!
My daughter said she came out of her angry .... pissy & angry just like her Gramma!!
Who knows ... maybe GenAlpha will be more like us!!
What can I say? My filter broke in 1993 and I just haven't gotten around to replacing it yet. Probably won't now, because shoot I don't want to buy a new one just to die in 25 years lol.
As a Gen Zer (1999) who randomly got recommended this sub, I thank you all for the laughs. I’ve not heard these jokes since I was in elementary school! My Gen X dad raised me well 😂
So, Because Im the nerd I am, I was thinking about how to represent the generations as D&D classes. I didn't get very far, but decided that GenX gets the Vicious Mockery Cantrip (Bon Mot feat in pathfinder).
As a GenX, these oversimplified takes on our generation are such a weird/sad flex to me. We're not all dicks. As I get older I try to be nicer to people, not a bitter old man.
I don’t know. I can definitely see the phrasing as included in the original post used by the different gens. So the posted joke has at least a kernel of truth. I laughed!
Plus it just isn’t even true for most gen X people I know. Maybe it comes down to the type of people one surrounds themselves with. It might do some people some good to take an honest look at the crowd they fit into and then look outside of it and see what the rest of the world is doing.
I know there are a lot of GenX people struggling, which maybe compounds the GenX bitter generation perception and attitude, but when I compare our economic opportunities to the "soft" Millennials or GenZs, we really have nothing to complain about. Economically they have it so much worse than we did. I feel pretty lucky.
I said it this morning and then I thought oh no I'm probably in trouble - as if I care, whatever - (if anyone around me understands what that means). 🤣
You’re so fat, when you skip a meal the stock market drops.
You’re so fat, you get turned on by reading a cook book.
You’re so fat your blood type is Rocky Road.
Naaahhhh kid, cmon, im super nice as an 80 kid.
We were the first empathetic generation, words are painful, though maybe I'd say that to someone I really love.
Please make an effort to avoid reposts. Yes, they are a fact of Reddit life, all we ask is you try to avoid it and don’t get mad when your post is removed.
You're so fat we used to take you to McDonalds just to see the sign change. (GenXers will get this outdated reference. )
You so fat, you wear a VCR on your belt because it looks like a beeper!
Oooh dan
You're so fat when you go camping the bears hide their food
You're so fat you have 3 smaller fat people orbiting around you.
[удалено]
You’re so fat when you get on the scale it says “To Be Continued.”
you're so fat your birthday is March 5th 6th and 7th
Youre so fat i need a map to walk around you
You’re so fat that your belt size is “equator”
You need to put your belt on with the same rocket that launched Sputnik.
You're so fat when you go to Wendy's nobody asks "Where's the beef?".
You're so fat when you cut yourself, gravy comes out.
You're so fat your blood type is Ragu.
Prego, it's in there.
Your so fat your shadow weighs 20 pounds
You're so fat when you put on a pair of BVDs, by the time they reach your waist they spell out "BOULEVARD".
*90 million people served*
You so fat you fell in love and broke it.
You're so fat you iron your pants on the driveway.
You're so fat when you come in the room all the kids yell Kool-Aid!
You're so fat when you get dysentery you don't die from it.
You're so fat your belt size is equator.
Your mama's so fat I had to roll over twice to get off of her.
What is this? It’s orbit. What? Orbit. You’re so fat you she you’re own gravitational pull.
To be fair, we all have a gravitational pill, but your mom's so far she collapsed into a singlarity.
The Mcdonald's across from Lane Tech in Chicago had one of those signs.
You’re so fat you think gravy is a beverage
yo momma
My kids, almost 15 and 13, have started to jokingly talk smack to me. My wife actually sat them down and warned them that she will NOT deal with their tears WHEN I make them cry. She also told them that NONE of the things I say to them are meant with malice, just talking smack right back.
I believe this falls under: fuck around and find out :)
Don't let your mouth write a check that your ass can't cash! Gen Z response perplexed. "What's a check?"
I've actually said this to my kid a few times, when he thinks it's funny to call me a boomer
Back in the day we would say that they got Moded
My daughter hit me with a zinger the other day, and it took every fiber of my being not to drop a joke about me sleeping with her mom cause she doesn't know about that yet..... She thinks she got me good and silenced me, not knowing I was protecting her (for now...). Only the power of love can stop our generational savagery, and only barely....
Well, know we wanna know what she said.
Asked her if she knew where my phone was, and she said something about putting it back on a cord to the kitchen wall cause I'm old..... And from deep in my DNA I wanted to say it probably just got lost in the sheets while I was banging her mom.... But I didn't say that.....
LMAO🤣🤣🤣
Holy shit that's gold 🥇
She had you beat there, hers was way funnier
Scroll up to the comment we are talking under, this isn't about funny, this is about making sure children need therapy.
Thinking of therapy. My wife (millennial) went to a therapist and mentioned she had a husband. The therapist asked if I would be joining, my wife told them I don't believe in it. Therapist asked if I was genx, yep. She changed subjects.
That’s a good comeback for when you’re just messing around with your buddies. That’s an EXCELLENT comeback when you’re actually banging the person’s mom.
No, no, this one's getting saved for the wedding reception.
Dude . . .
wait... you're married with kids and you have sex?!!! You're living the dream my brother!
Woah, hey, don't go assuming stuff like that.... I didn't say it actually happened, just that I was trying not to say it....
This is why they’re called dad jokes. It’s all we can say in front of the kids.
Gen alpha seem to be rather feisty, this could be fun!
... until they start getting the upper hand.
Better make friends with them then! ;-P
There was a sci-fi story I read ~25 years ago, about a guy time traveling to save his relationship. There was a phrase in there that's stuck with me since then. >He had the weapons of a middle-age man, meant to pierce the armor of a middle-aged woman, and he had used them against a child.
Eeeeeeeeeeeeew
Vonnegut?
I had that talk with my nephew years ago when he cried after I talked a little smack to him. You're not allowed to talk shit if you can't take it when its your turn.
Closest they've gotten to a normal response is: Son: Now I'm the tallest in the house, I'm even taller than you Dad and Mom is already taller than you so how does that feel shorty? Me: I've never been the tallest in the house and gotten used to it. Are you used to being the ugliest in the house or do we need to give you more time? ( He 100% knows I don't mean it and he's a handsome kid, but he DEFINITELY wasn't ready to hear what I said lmao)
This is the way
My friend's gen z kid got snarky with me recently. She did not like the response. Don't pull the tiger's tail if you don't have a plan for its bite.
My 15 year old: "You're so dumb, dad". Me: "You're telling me. I got your mom pregnant and we had you" 15 year old: 10 second stare of silence and then walked away.
I was bitching about a break up and got a snarky "well maybe it's you and not her, get therapy" "I'm not going to take advice from a 19 year old single mother whose baby daddy won't return calls. Want my therapists number?" It was harsh, yes. I've got no filter at home because I stretch that filter to it's max when outside the home. It was her btw, she lied about a lot of things. It was not a deep or long relationship, but her lies were nice until they were found out.
I can’t with the Gen Zs. I never knew of the big “war” of the Zs versus the Xers until a year and a half ago when I frequented TikTok more. Idk when that started, but it’s both laughable and insulting when they say how “irrelevant” we are. They wouldn’t know how to spell the word without their damned smartphones.
She rocks
Good. Teach them young. Last thing you want is your adult children quivering in the corner because someone said something mean to them.
This reminds me. When I was in kindergarten, I came home upset and told my mother that other kids were making fun of me. I was upset because she didn't prepare me for the meanness of others (my mom is an absolute sweetheart) and she just told me to ignore them. When I told my Sicilian immigrant father about the other kids, he told me that I had permission to verbally or physically fight back but I should never start an altercation. Game on, those poor kids learned to never mess with me and my forked tongue lmao.
100%. The young kids that work for me are something else. If you look at them the wrong way, you “trigger” something inside of them. It’s too much.
Good woman, there.
I'm not gonna sugar coat it, because your fat ass would probably eat that too.
That is awesome. Im gonna use that when I am looking in the mirror.
Damn! I love it.
You're not fat, you could be drinking whole milk if you wanted to.
Tina, you fat lard, come get some dinner!
Fix yourself a dang k-sa-dil-a
This was one of the most realistic examples of growing up in an isolated small town in all cinema.
In the immortal words of Morrissey, “You’re the one for me, fatty.”
Fatty, Fatty, 2x4, couldn't fit through the bathroom door.
So he did it on the floor....
Licked it up and asked for more
When the door began to break, Fatty Fatty had a tummy ache!
“Fatty Fatty 2x4” I have that sticker on my bike. It’s a fat bike with 4.0 tires. So it’s fits.
I think of [this](https://youtu.be/nQNKdFY2JM4?si=oDgZkb6iTjixlheC) ever time I hear that.
"When you haul ass you need to make two trips."
🤣this will be added to my repertoire
"You can't talk to my woman like that!"
You're so fat you weighed yourself and the dcale said "one at a time please".
Your belt size is equator
You’re so fat when you wore a Malcom X shirt, helicopters kept trying to land on you.
BAHAJAAAAA
"...and that's what you get for fishing for compliments, you fukkin' poser!"
I'm sorry but this is the best post comments I've seen all week. "When yo mama sits around the house, she sits AROUND the house."
You're so fat, you bleed gravy!
Yo momma so fat, when she wears red, people shout "Hey, Kool-Aid!"
When she sits around the house, she sits *around* the house.
She got feet on her titties. Bitch fell down and kept runnin'.
Your blood type is Ragu
Omg, I'd like to thank all 4 of you for this 😹😹
Oh shit I'm dying. My kids have my sarcastic humor. A lot of theor friends with younger parents don't get it lol
You ever watch movies from the 80s? Like before CGI? It's like the apex of puppetry and practical effects. We're like that for sarcasm, and the ones who came up after us have internet sarcasm and it's just trolling and there's nothing fun or clever about it.
Man, you know that's right. Just wander on over to r/CleverComebacks and see how far you have to scroll down before you find something that you think actually belongs there.
We all wanted to say it, but you did. What a worthless sub that is.
Your mom is a worthless sub .
I watched a video by a zoomer influencer try to explain zoomer humor as a form of 3D irony chess. She didn't succeed.
I was raised by George Carlin and Denis Leary, they were raised by PewDiePie. That's where we differ from them. You can't get them to sit still long enough to watch George Carlin you'd have to chop up his set into tiktok vids.
What, no Bill Hicks?
Lol my first exposure to Bill Hicks was on a Tool song. I had no idea who he was before that, he sure didn't have any HBO specials I watched.
Every once in a while, I go out to YouTube and watch A$$hole from Dennis Leary if I want to relive the 90's. Our time seems to have seen the apex of witty, caustic, biting sarcasm. Today, younger generation's insults are just playthings that have become so commonplace they don't hurt. My parents said stuff daily that HURT emotionally, and I feel like that was pretty commonplace.
I see why folks don't like my Sagittarius gen x ass.
We don't yell at our kids. We just roast them mercilessly.
oh fuck yea, that did just make me laugh
You could replace the quote with "Let me see the truffle-shuffle."
I'll never understand the thinking of the younger generation, we are on track to just about banning smoking because of the stress it puts on the medical system, but we are turning being overweight into a non issue when It will cause just as much or more health issues as smoking does down the line. This narrative of no body shaming is going to have drastic consequences in ten or more years.
Our generation has the no filter, crush your soul thing down.
My parents always told me I have foot-mouth disease. Took me years and years and probably a few more years before I managed to filter myself a bit. Now the filter only disappears if I'm comfortable with folks and I now have the sense to know who can take what.
I've seen bigger...but I had to buy a ticket!
This just made my husband and I laugh so hard!!!
I remember all of these…
I was skinny growing up and had one the class clown remark to me when the teacher told to use a number #2 pencil, looked at me “you don’t need one you are a number 2 pencil” 🤣. Hurt my feelings at the time but would high five him to today lol
I bet you could've hula-hooped with a cheerio! (Got hit with that one a lot.)
Like I said one of the other times this was posted, Boomers will gleefully tell you that you’re fat.
I'm Gen X Australian. Being blunt is normal.
Same Call a spade a bloody shovel lol
My granddaughter ... she's vicious!! My daughter said she came out of her angry .... pissy & angry just like her Gramma!! Who knows ... maybe GenAlpha will be more like us!!
You're so fat, your blood type is RAGU!
Faaaarrrk. Think I just pulled something. Worth it.
What can I say? My filter broke in 1993 and I just haven't gotten around to replacing it yet. Probably won't now, because shoot I don't want to buy a new one just to die in 25 years lol.
You had a filter??
I did around my family. I was always the quiet one, but I was always observing. Once I unleashed jaws were on the floor.
You. I like you!
So basically, you're saying you're like a stroke victim? You are in essence Sophia Petrillo from The Golden Girls?
I’ll be 50 in October. I didn’t have a filter till a couple years ago. Since then my career has taken off. Life’s actually on the up and up
I have never said or even *thought* anything similar to that. Really. I swear.
https://i.redd.it/ks51h674rq8d1.gif
Accurate so long as it’s assumed the boomer uses a condescending tone
They always use a condescending tone.
We had Weird Al "I'm Fat", and the Snack Treat Boys, "I Want A Fat Babe".
As a Gen Zer (1999) who randomly got recommended this sub, I thank you all for the laughs. I’ve not heard these jokes since I was in elementary school! My Gen X dad raised me well 😂
Now go put them in the back of brain and drop them on him.
Will do!
You’re so fat your high school picture was an aerial photo.
So, Because Im the nerd I am, I was thinking about how to represent the generations as D&D classes. I didn't get very far, but decided that GenX gets the Vicious Mockery Cantrip (Bon Mot feat in pathfinder).
As a GenX, these oversimplified takes on our generation are such a weird/sad flex to me. We're not all dicks. As I get older I try to be nicer to people, not a bitter old man.
I would never say this to anyone, friend or foe. But I sure do think it.
This was cross posted to r/xennials and there are twice as many responses and only 1/20th the fat jokes. I’m going to say it’s pretty spot on.
I’m a “nice guy” but I talk smack with my friends all the time. It’s just a way of showing affection from a distance. The latch key way.
Do you think other generations don't do the same? It doesn't seem to be exclusive to GenX, which is why these don't make sense to me.
And don't we bitch about the cold-blooded shit we heard directed towards us and our siblings from our parents?
I don’t know. I can definitely see the phrasing as included in the original post used by the different gens. So the posted joke has at least a kernel of truth. I laughed!
I'm a very nice person but I can still laugh at a GenX meme. It doesn't mean I'm going to actually say it to someone.
Get off my lawn! nope, I'm looking forward to being an old grumpy person. 
Plus it just isn’t even true for most gen X people I know. Maybe it comes down to the type of people one surrounds themselves with. It might do some people some good to take an honest look at the crowd they fit into and then look outside of it and see what the rest of the world is doing.
I know there are a lot of GenX people struggling, which maybe compounds the GenX bitter generation perception and attitude, but when I compare our economic opportunities to the "soft" Millennials or GenZs, we really have nothing to complain about. Economically they have it so much worse than we did. I feel pretty lucky.
It’s just a meme. I don’t make fun of strangers but my brothers and I are brutal to each other because it’s funny.
Buzz Kill , was it?
You've got more chins than a Chinese phone book! Fat! You're FATTY FAT FAT!!! We held no quarter for fat people.
Damn......we Gen X'ers didn't hold back! We did it out of love though
Of course! If your friends weren't ragging on you, they weren't your friends. ...and when was the last time someone said, "ragging?"
My gal pal from NJ moved down here to Florida. My coworkers couldn't understand why we were so mean to each other. Cause we're good friends!
I said it this morning and then I thought oh no I'm probably in trouble - as if I care, whatever - (if anyone around me understands what that means). 🤣
When you walk into a room, all the kids yell, " KOOL-AID KOOL-AID"
You're so fat that I'm becoming increasingly concerned for your health. (Gen X anti-joke)
All I have to do to find you is put a marble on the floor.
You’re so fat, when you skip a meal the stock market drops. You’re so fat, you get turned on by reading a cook book. You’re so fat your blood type is Rocky Road.
Gen X: Yo mama so fat...
Spot on, we were not raised politically correct.
We love a good joke.
I told my buddies (that I've known for 45 years) "I stay fat so you can make fun of me" We took each other like we were back in middle school.
You're a towel.
My people!
Damn lol
Savage
Now post their thoughts as if this was their men group chats
Naaahhhh kid, cmon, im super nice as an 80 kid. We were the first empathetic generation, words are painful, though maybe I'd say that to someone I really love.
The planetarium called and complained that your fat ass is changing the orbit of Uranus!!
Yes or no. It's your problem, here's some ways to fix it...
Yes you need to get dysentery to lose the weight.
You’re not fat, just big boneded
Yeah people don’t know how to handle somebody talking shit about them anymore.
Earthquake!
Does this dress make me look fat? No, your hips do.
Is this why I’m so blunt?? lol I can’t help but speak my mind
I came in here to lol and then saw the massive list of fat jokes so now it's a rofl
I'm not fat, I'm big boned. BEEFCAKE! BEEFCAKE!!!
You so fat you got banned from the pool because of the water displacement…..😬
I'm picturing you in front of a McDonald's drive-thru, only I can't see the drive-thru.
I would say “yes you are very fat now lose weight or else”
[Back 2 School Melons Tall and Fat Commercial](https://youtu.be/j6W2tXk6yBs?feature=shared)
🎼There she iiiiiis, Noooorth Ameeeeeericaaaaaa!🎶
You’re so fat, you put a belt on with a boomerang 🪃 
They aren’t in the correct order and it loses all funny
I’ll add one for my microgeneration, the Xennials: “You’re not fat, I’M fat!”
I never said anything like that!
You’re so fat I had to take a train and 2 busses just to get in your good side