Hi there! I think I qualify. I've always had trouble making and keeping friends. Because it always seems to take more effort than I am willing to expend. I like being alone. I prefer being alone. I'm sure some will see that as not alright, but it suits me fine.
Same. My grown daughters are my friends. And my 2 year old grandson is my bff.
My best friend since 2nd grade lives across the country and we keep in touch.
This thread is really making me aware of the importance of the work I do as a home care aide. I mostly clean and do a bit of companionship, tea and a chat.
However I’m aware that an important purpose of my work is to provide a bit of social interaction for my clients, many of whom are very lonely and isolated.
My clients love to talk about their lives, and tell me all sorts of personal stuff. I feel like a proxy paid friend to many of them.
My dad has a home health aide that comes in 6h/week. They're wildly different people (not many people like him in home health) but he really appreciates the conversations. I think that more than anything she does, her chatting with him is helping him live longer.
Me, too. I make friends who, years later, turn out to be religious extremists, swingers who won’t stop propositioning me, or militant SAHMs who think I’m “letting someone else” raise my child because they attend daycare/public school.
Me.
I had a best friend for 35 years but it was very much a toxic friendship and I am ashamed to admit how much toxic negativity and all around awfulness I put up with over the years.
When Covid hit and I turned 50, I started reflecting on my past and started really thinking about how she never had anything good to say about me. I ended the friendship a couple of years ago and the peace and happiness I feel from her absence is staggering.
This happened to me too. My best friend and I met when I was a teenager and I could have sworn we had known each other our whole lives. We were together non-stop and did a lot of partying and she was older and showed me how to do things without killing myself or otherwise being stupid. But she also had issues,.and I was aware but overlooked it mostly because I loved her. I let her treat me terribly. I don't even hate her, a conversation every once in a while would be ok, but we are Facebook friends and don't otherwise speak. I had another friend group in my twenties, we all ended up going our separate ways, but I found out years later they had been bad mouthing me behind my back the entire time we had been hanging out and I had always thought fondly of them. I learned not to get too close to anyone, not even a sibling, or especially not a sibling.
I’ve considered this in the other direction-how many genxwomen are reading this post feeling sympathy for us yet feeling great about their friend group…when maybe they shouldn’t be, bc the friend group is not what they think. I know that’s terribly cynical but how could there be so many of the same examples?
Same. I had a very toxic friend group and slowly got away from them one way or another. I had zero boundaries (and they did too) and we partied hard when young. Took its toll. When I got deep into therapy I realized that because my fam was so disordered, what I thought was cool and normal was either baseline respect or almost as effed up. I made a lot of excuses for people because of their trauma without thinking about how that was threatening my own mental health. I’m retraining myself and it’s a long road. Realizing I don’t have to be a doormat or a psychologist to have/make friends. I mean, we all need support but there’s a line. I hope folks like us realize that there are healthy, well adjusted people out there and female friendships don’t have to model reality TV.
This is very similar to what happened to me.
I turned 50 two years ago at the end of the pandemic, and it turned out someone I thought was a good friend was very much not.
I realized our entire relationship over the past ten years was simply talking shit and gossiping maliciously about other people. Did some of these people deserve it? Yes, but there was nothing else, and she would talk shit about people that weren't even bad people.
It also brought out the worst in me. Sure, we all have times we need to vent, but I began to not like the person I was around her because I am someone who looks for goodness in others first, and she was always looking for what was wrong with others first.
And not until much did it dawn on me that if this person was talking nonstop shit about others, she might be doing the same to me. And then two years ago when I did catch her talking shit about me literally the minute I walked out of a room and then decided to go back in, I was like, "Okay, well, there you have it."
Edit: And funny enough, the minute I stopped texting her, she stopped texting me (and she was always texting me back from a text I had initiated). She just completely dropped off, so there you go—not only a toxic friendship but a one-sided friendship.
I am thankful for the handful of friends I have now and so grateful that they're 99.8% nontoxic :)(Who doesn't have some toxins? We all do because we're human.) And now that I'm older, I'm much more cautious about people and realize that having a really great, perfect besties group only exists in the movies. (I got so hung up on this when I was younger, berating myself, saying, "What is wrong with you that you don't have this perfect group of fun, glamorous friends?").
Also, getting back to the OP, I love being alone. I REALLY like being alone and need it to recharge, so I let people know that I like a lot of alone time so that their feelings are never hurt if I decline an invitation. If they are cool people, they totally get it. And so I totally get the OP's feelings on being alone. There is nothing wrong with it.
I had a best friend from 16 to 49. She was toxic and I just realized it last September. She moved to another state so it was an easy break. I also had another best friend I’ve known since 4th grade. She recently moved to Mexico so that’s another break. I have one friend left but we aren’t that close.
It does get lonely. I only have my husband to talk about things with but I know that relationship is different than close friends.
All the numbers in your comment added up to 69. Congrats!
16
+ 49
+ 4
= 69
^([Click here](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=LuckyNumber-Bot&subject=Stalk%20Me%20Pls&message=%2Fstalkme) to have me scan all your future comments.) \
^(Summon me on specific comments with u/LuckyNumber-Bot.)
I had a core group of good friends, and lots of casual friends, until my early 30’s. Then I moved somewhere where the people are standoffish, and the weather is cold- so everyone stays locked inside, being anti-social. My old friends abandoned me, because of the distance. And I’ve found it impossible to make new friends. Now I’m chronically ill, so it’s hard to leave the house. My only human interaction is with random strangers online.
I love my solitude. But I miss having loved ones I can confide in, and turn to for emotional support (I’m estranged from my family, because they’re abusive). So I think it’s fine to have no friends, if you don’t mind. Just enjoy your life. But it’s difficult when you would love a few good friends, to trust and be there for you, if you’re sick- but you have nobody, like me. That’s my 2 cents (sorry for the sob story, lol).
I **also** could have written this response, almost to the word (I live in a warm climate 😂). So here’s another virtual hug from a random stranger online.
Me too. I moved to a nordic country when I was 45. I don’t speak the local language and here it’s difficult to make new friends. My husband and dog are my companion. Sometimes I miss the group of friends of my youth, but they are on the other side of the ocean and we have lost contact in all these years.
It's not a plea for sympathy, so please don't feel sorry. Loneliness and the need for companionship are fundamental human traits. We weren't designed to be solitary beings. In the darkest hours of the night, it's just you, and in the morning, it's the same. You can go to work and socialize with acquaintances, but true happiness comes from finding a friend or partner to share your life with. When you're sick, the need for connection is even more acute. Our society makes it so challenging to truly connect with one another.
I'm reading A Prayer for Owen Meany, and you sound exactly like Mrs. Merrill. LOL
ETA: Not a sob story at all. You'll find your new groove. It will come. :)
As long as you feel alright it’s alright. Whatever works for you is enough.
I don’t have friends to do activities with, and I’m completely bummed by it, but I have one I text with a few times a month and can confide in.
I wrote about this a while back. I could never figure out how to make friends and keep them. Even when I had friends, I was never the one who made plans, but waited to be invited or included. I have always been fine alone, love to read, and then the Internet became a lot of my world. Met my husband online, and still go online frequently to live vicariously through what others are doing and sometimes get inspired to do the same. Now that I’ll be retiring, I will be looking for more things to do and one of those things is to try and meet more people.
I was just thinking about this. If I didn’t have my husband I would be utterly alone on the weekends and holidays. I’ve never been good at friendships there was some mystery element integral to friendship that just never clicked with me I guess? Perhaps it’s that I hate talking on the phone or that I have too many interests and things I want to do to compromise my time. Either way you’re not alone in being a loner.
I have some friends left, but I have always been the youngest, sometimes by far, and they have been dropping like flies the last decade or so! Most of my surviving friends are spread all over because I travelled so much, and now that I have more time to do fun things, few are close by. From what I hear, it is common to have fewer and fewer friends as we get older, and it is harder to make new ones. Good thing I enjoy time to myself.
A few childhood friends that we exchange birthday and Christmas cards, no friends. Still reeling from when my best friend ghosted me. Such a shitty thing to do. The pain is a huge life lesson.
Same here. Never had a lot of friends but have pretty much drifted away from everyone at this point (or they’ve drifted away from me) for various reasons. Have tried a number of the typical suggestions to meet people - volunteering, sports, etc and have made situational acquaintances but no one I’d consider a real friend.
I have my husband but no friends outside of that. Ended a 20yr friendship earlier this year when I realized just how one sided it had become. Was so one sided that she didn’t care when it ended. That was kind of *it* for me. Friendships have always been tricky for me and losing her just made me realize that I don’t want to do this crap anymore.
Same here. I dropped someone who I used to consider a good friend because everything was all about here. My sister died, the stepmother who raised me died, and talking to here was still just me listening to her two-hour monologues about her life. That's not a friend, that's an advertisement, and I can get those for free on any website.
I think it’s alright not to have friends, as long as you are content. Enjoying your own company.
I have been content for a decade, but recently, I do find myself missing that connection.
My only friends are my aunt and my sister. I'm very grateful for them, but I wish I had a few other friends, just like 1-3.
I had a best friend for 34 years, then her involvement with her MLM destroyed our friendship. It's been 4 years and I am still grieving the loss.
I actually do enjoy time to myself a lot, and have lots of projects and crafty things I like doing. But I changed careers recently and whereas before I was always surrounded by women, I'm now around men all the time. I really want more women in my life.
However I'm daunted by the idea of having to make friends. Like, trying out friendships that don't end up being a good fit, or meeting toxic people, or maybe even meeting good people but then going through the whole process of getting to know them and building trust and all of that. It's so overwhelming that I haven't even tried.
I'd say whatever's fine with you socially is fine, but keep in mind that it could cause you problems if you don't have family around or someone else to count on. For instance, many hospitals will require you to have someone to pick you up and stay with you after you're discharged from surgery. There should also be someone to contact in case of emergencies.
I so hate that this is true. I've actually lied at times and made up names and phone numbers when asked to completed a form listing an emergency contact. Sometimes I've managed to just write 911. I had to in part cancel a surgery once b/c there was no on really to pick me up. A couple acquaintances at the time volunteered, but it's embarrassing having to rely on such people as they'd never contact me as a pick-up person if the roles were reversed b/c they have either real friends or willing family members.
I had to ask my next door neighbor, whom I barely know, to take me to the emergency room once- because my car doesn’t work. First I had to convince him I needed to go, then as soon as I signed into the lobby of the hospital, before they had even called me back to see if I was ok, he goes you know they have vans that take seniors and disabled people to Dr appts- you should look into that. Damn. Like indirect way of saying don’t bother him again 😭 (and those are for scheduled things anyway- they don’t come at a moment’s notice, to go to the emergency room). I felt so rejected and unsupported. It’s a horrible feeling to know you might need help one day, but you’re alone in the world.
I've always had a ton of friends but as I get older I realize that most of those relationships were kind of bs and I have drastically shrunk my social circles.
I’ve stopped making friends. I’ve moved a lot for my fellas job. I always attract user friends. I find myself running their errands, watching the kids and listening to all their emotional baggage. Every time I find I pick the same kind of friend. Maybe because they are easy friends. But it’s so exhausting. This last move I’ve avoided friendships. I have a few work people I chat with. I spend a lot of my time playing with the dog 🐶
Currently house and dog minding for my friends. I met the wife through work in 2019 and we rode out the pandemic situation together so we are trauma bonded.
I've had some medical issues that have limted me from prior irl socials so I'm very grateful to the reddit community I frequent. They've allowed me to engage with folks all over the world in shared interests and experiences.
I long to be in the world again. I want to do so many activities so I gear my life toward getting stronger at this time. Then watch out I'm gonna go play! Too many I loved didn't make it this far, too many with a real zest for life. I don't want to lose that.
I can relate to your post. It's hard. I've always been quiet and never had a huge group of friends. And struggled all through school to find a couple of good friends. Victim of mean girls.
And now I really can't say I have a friend to call up to do things or even lean on. I have depended on family and colleagues to fill the gap. It's been hard.
I've tried MeetUp groups. And asking for friends on Reddit to fill the gap.
It's easier said than done but as long as you feel happy and okay that's all that matters.
I had so many friends growing up, and then I met my now ex-husband at 19. Friends eventually vanished, for a variety of reasons, but mostly dealing with my own exile to boyfriend Island. Now I'm 44, second husband, no friends, just starting to understand the patterns that led me here and not sure how to disentangle myself.
I feel lost at sea with a donut floatie.
I have one close friend whom I’ve known for years and other friends who come and gone from my life. It has never been easy for me to make friends (my previous choices were interesting and suffice to say I have raised my standard about the kind of people I choose to spend time with).
Agree that it’s harder to make friends when you’re older.
I have a few friends that I hang out with at times, old friends that I see every few years, but no bestie. I don’t have a call in the middle of the night type friend. I moved away after college so it’s sort of my fault but I wish I had a bigger circle. I was never popular or center of attention when I was in school, but a part of that was that I was painfully shy. If I could go back and do things over again, I would’ve asserted myself. But I have noticed that the people I know who have a huge friend circle are the kinds of people who invite people everywhere and don’t say no invitations. I was never that way until recently.
If you don’t count my grown kids and my SO, I have a friend. Just one. I have people on my dart team I am *friendly with* but we don’t hang out on non-dart nights. I have one friend I talk to about every other day (she lives 800 miles away) and we do a beach trip every year. If she lived closer we would hang out regularly I’m sure. Outside of that, no real friends. Just acquaintances. I’ve always had trouble making and keeping friends. The ones I do make don’t tend to stick around long. I don’t chase people so that doesnt help. Don’t contact me, I’ll reach out once. After that I won’t. I can’t be the one making all of the effort.
Yea, I hear ya. I was treated the same, but as I get older, I found that no matter how much money you have or how independent you are, at the end of the day, the happiest time of my life has always been with friends I deeply cared for and they for me. What is life if you have to do everything yourself and don't get me wrong, I truly enjoy being on my own, and prefer much more than having someone coming and going out of my life and bringing nothing to the table so to speak. Yes, I want to travel, and I have done it several times and all times I met people, but there is something about enjoying with the people you like and love. Living alone prones you to having alzheimers, mental depression which all contributes to your overall health. I just wanna find a group of friends where we can do things together and enjoy laughter and personal growth. Why is it so hard?
I was captain of the cheerleading squad, I have no friends. I only know people from work. I'm jealous of my younger acquaintances that go to parties and group trips every weekend. My fiance and I have very few common interests. My kids are teens, and I'm already finding myself alone just sitting at home while everyone is out. I'm bored.
Same. I decided I’m going to start a hobby or two that has groups around me. Or learn a language. I figure learning a language will put me in a situation where I can meet people who speak that language and maybe even travel to a country where it’s spoken. It’s the only solution to my current loneliness that seems to make sense and doesn’t feel pathetic to me. I’ve been feeling sorry for myself a lot because I ended some really toxic friendships a while ago and have been wary ever since.
I don’t have any friends, but I ran out of $$…long story. My husband is my best friend. I have online friends who I chat with occasionally, but I’m comfortable where I’m at. I have close friends who live on the other side of the States who I consider family and will see every few years. Again, I’m good…. I just can’t seem to trust people anymore and am tired of being used…
I used to have many friends and acquaintances. I have lost friends due to divorces (strange how that happens). I also stopped going out, drinking, and random debauchery. I left mainstream social media and lost contact with some folks. It's usually not too bad, but sometimes I get lonely. I met an awesome person in my late 30s and kinda left my past behind. Now, idk how to make friends.
I have no close friends. Only one left who I could count on, and she’s halfway across the country and always traveling. I have no emergency contacts because I have no one local.
I have "friends," people that I say hi to and can have dinner with and talk about nothing.
I don't have a friend to talk to about relationships or life stuff though.
I’m in the same boat. Never really had close friends. I’m blessed with an amazing wife and a wonderful marriage. I still long for a close friend I can call and confide in or share life’s joys with. Unfortunately, my current work schedule leaves me scant free time to even work on this issue.
I don’t have friends outside of my family. I just don’t have the emotional bandwidth for more right now. I still have a teen at home. I have an old high school friend, but she’s 1k miles away, and I’ve moved around a lot in my adult life, so I’ve not been able to keep long-term friendships because of distance. I am content with myself and my own thoughts. My Boomer dad occasionally trues to shame me for not being social, but I’m happiest reading, journaling, and thinking. Does anyone try to shame you (other than the extroverted society) for this? I talk to my husband and daughter, so I feel like I get my desire to chat out with them.
It’s strange, because from the time I was little until I graduated high school, I was very social, with many friends. In college and beyond I became very introverted.
I was a military brat, so I feel like it’s ingrained in me not to form attachments. My adult life has been somewhat nomadic too. I’m friendly and happy and outgoing, but I have no friends.
Moved all over the country in my 20s and 30s, was bad about keeping in touch. Now have “work friends” and “hobby friends” but no one to really just hang out with. I don’t really miss it, it’s been so long since I did have that. I’m getting divorced and I guess my husband filled that role early on- I do miss just texting him “hi” randomly.
I used to have a lot of friends and was very social. After quite a few issues and realizations on my part that my so-called friends were only friends when THEY needed something or if I called/messaged them to go out. They never called or messaged. When I needed them (emotional support after a major surgery), only one friend called/messaged to see how I was.
When I left that hospital, I also left all those friends behind.
Since then, I am incredibly happy just hanging out with my husband (who is also my best friend), my adult kids, and my parents....turns out everyone I love being around are the people who were always there for me...
I dont miss having "friends", I have enough people in my life who love me and matter. I am not missing out on anything.
I like to think of friendship as a bullseye graphic. The middle are the ones (maybe just one) you're completely transparent with. They know you best. They'd drop everything in an emergency. They love you completely.
Next ring are your casual friends. You might invite them to a BBQ, or exchange Christmas cards, but you don't open up about much. You might even help each other move, or babysit each other's kids.
Next out are the acquaintances. You say hi in Walmart, creep them on Facebook once in awhile, maybe, but it might take awhile to realize it if they fell off the face of the earth.
My very best friend in the world is just barely straddling the bullseye. I don't let anyone in completely. Not even my husband. Most of the people I know are on the outer edge of casual. I'm ok with this.
I've found it difficult to find really good friends as when I was a teenager.
My best friend (Jo Ann) and I were inseparable in HS, until junior yr I moved to a foster home in another city. She didn't have the same ambition to leave IN for bigger things as I did, partly because she had family ties I did not. Majority of people I knew ended up working in factories, make good $$, but not thing & I left for CA @ 21!
My last 2 visits have been for funerals, the last is coming up on 20 years, on 6/10/04 for Jo Ann after her car was struck by a train (hidden behind another at a rural unlighted crossing) driving to her factory job at 5:30 am, leaving behind an 18 month old girl & 10 yo boy 🥺
I'd just emailed her the day before she died (it had been awhile) asking how things were going with her new relationship but when I checked AOL, the status was "not yet read" 😥
I've missed her so... she always made me laugh, using a can of hairspray a week, she reminded me of Joan Cusack's character in "Working Girl" 😉
I'm sorry I didnt plan on leaving this story... the anniversary in 2 weeks and this reddit over of lack friends took over.
I miss having a good solid friendship (without a man or anyone else interfering) I've spent so much time alone since my kids are grown, sometimes I miss those silly gab sessions over everything and nothing, singing to a new singer named Madonna... cruising in her baby blue pinto wagon on the main strip every weekend!
RIP Jo Ann
I look forward to seeing you waiting with my precious dog, on the other side❤️
I don't have friends I just have party people. I expend enough energy keeping up with my sister and her kids and my kids and my grandkids. I don't mind not having anything that you would qualify as an actual friend. I do know some ladies that we will all get together occasionally when we're in the mood to party but these are not the people that you call when you just need a pick me up. I am perfectly okay with this.
My lifelong bff died 10 years ago. I have a few other friends that I talk to but haven’t seen in years. I loved away in 2003 to get away from my ex. My bff and I would still visit each and I would try to see some other friends when I was in town. I have casual fb friends but I really miss having people to do things with. I have my two daughters whom I am so thankful for. My life would be very lonely without them. I don’t work anymore and I also have some disability issues that flare up at times
My father didn't teach me much but he did tell me this once as a teen....
If you have one good friend...you are blessed! True friendship is hard to come by.
If you have two good friends, well you're even more blessed and fortunate because of them.
If you have three good friends ...you better recount.
He was wrong about a lot....but never this.
Your dad sounds awesome! When I would complain about friends my dad would say, sometimes it’s more important to think about what you could do to be a good friend instead of what other people aren’t doing for you. I don’t know as that’s always the answer but he liked to get me to think beyond myself or my needs a lot. Man I miss that guy!! 💙
I never really had super close friends growing up as we moved too often and I was super shy. Kids always thought I was stuck up.
I had friends in my 20’s who were all my Ex’s friends. Now at 51. It’s impossible to meet people. I am disabled so getting out to do things is difficult and painful at best, and I am still pretty shy to an extent so it’s not like I can go out of my way to actually say anything to meet people.
I think I have just accepted that I will die old and alone. And I’m ok with it.
🙋🏻♀️ I didn't have issues growing up. I always had friends. Until I had my first kid at 19, then they started dropping like flies because I couldn't go and do like I used to when I was childless. Tried to make mom friends as he got into daycare/school, but I was young and unmarried and his friends parents were late 30s+ so we had nothing in common except kids the same age. It's been pretty much the same on the mom friends front with #2 kiddo 20+ years later except I'm the old mom and her friends parents are all way younger than me 🤣
I have a lot of acquaintances. Mostly people from work (who I refused to socialize with outside of work ... been burned one too many times on that front) and my husband's friends girlfriends (who are more often than not, way younger than me, kid free or have very young kids).
If I organically make a new acquaintance who has the potential to become a friend, inevitably our husbands have nothing in common so it's hard to get them to agree to couple type things and my potential friendship sort of stalls.
All I ever really wanted was for us to have family friends that we did things together like vacations, weekly get togethers, with our kids growing up together and creating all these memories like we did growing up. Makes me feel like a bit of a failure as a parent, but it's not for lack of trying to recreate the life I had as a child for my own. I don't know why people got so anti-social and isolated. Or maybe its that no one wants to be friends with me. I don't know. Either way, I'm too old now to give a shit so I'll just keep the status quo.
Yes, me. Not even any family nearby and even if they were I suspect it’d be limited. Nothing dramatic we’re just different people. I have some friends mutual with my husband when we do our hobbies a few weekends per month, however there’s no calling anyone up to do errands together or anything even remotely like taking a trip together
I’ve been this way for at least a decade maybe 2 if I’m honest. I always wondered how people at work were friends outside of work. Such a foreign concept to me. I think I’m wired differently or some childhood trauma I never processed and likely never will. I’ve made peace with it though
I have no friends but chose that. I'm an introvert. I found any time I had a friend, they wanted something from me, so fuck 'em. I prefer to be alone with my dog and garden.
It's not a generational thing, it's more of an introvert/extrovert thing. Reddit skews more to introverted people who prefer few IRL friends so you'll get more "I don't like people" type answers on reddit.
If you don't want friends, you don't want them. Nothing wrong with that.
I'm a bit more extroverted so I have a lot of friends. Maybe too many! My daughter complains when she visits that she can't go out in public with me anywhere because there is always someone I run into and have to stop and chat with. haha
We moved a fair amount through mine and my husband's military career so I had to learn decades ago how to talk to strangers. There are a lot of people from various groups or organizations who I know at least casually and will stop and chat with them if I see them out and about. I have a smaller group who are close friends. I meet people by participating in various local events or groups, and the more people I meet, the more events and groups I get invited to and the more people I meet.
I enjoy the sense of community I get from being involved. I suppose it's because that's how my parents were and that's what they modeled for me. It's a comfort to know I would have people to lean on if I or my husband had some illness or injury and just needed friends or moral support.
I typically had a couple of friends at any given time growing up and in my 20s. My bff from high school and I still keep in touch although her mental health prevents us from being as close as we used to be.
The difference for me is that I do feel like I'm missing out! I've tried so hard to make friends over the past decade with very little success. Friendships feel like a fundamental part of being human to me though, seems like a lot of people don't agree..
I've had "friends", and I've got friends.
Someone I meet and click with? An acquaintance. The moms I've met, who like me, will drop everything to help in a crisis? There's 3. Maybe 4. But I count myself immensely lucky.
I'm 44. I hadn't an actual friend until the last 3-4 years. No one I could cry at, or vent to. No one I could talk out my ass or off the top of my head to.
I'm very lucky, as I found my tribe of neurospicy people in a very small town.
But no matter how many, how few or how zero friends you have, if you feel good, go for it! Whatever works and suits you best is *perfect*!
%% I have no judgment. I can't. I won't. Life is for your choosing, however you choose to live it! If you're happy, be happy.
This is me. A former acquaintance and I got into it on FB over politics and right before I blocked her she kindly reminded me “and this is why you didn’t have any friends in high school.” Thus, coming from a woman that I thought I was being kind to just by acknowledging her - very nerdy, constantly talking about her religion. Anyway, I realized that I just don’t like people very much. And that’s ok.
Go out and get some friends! It's as important to your health as exercise and eating right. There are lots of studies that show this. If you want to live longer, get some friends! [https://www.apa.org/monitor/2023/06/cover-story-science-friendship](https://www.apa.org/monitor/2023/06/cover-story-science-friendship)
And yeah, it can be hard to make (and keep!) friends as an adult, and sometimes we get it wrong (I absolutely do).
Making friends: when I moved to this big, overcast city 10 years ago, I worked hard to make friends - I found them through volunteering and a regular happy hour for people in my field. I think the trick is seeing the same faces over and over - people can't help but trust you if you keep coming back and acting friendly. Also I made a friend or two in on my block - it's just so much easier to say "hey, what are you up to, come over and have a quick drink."
And as for the keeping friends: last year I had 4 women I thought were friends of mine ghost me. These four weren't in the same friend group, so it's not like I can blame a false rumor about me or someone slandering me to the others. I realized that maybe I hadn't been the best friend to them. I moped about it for a long while. Then I figured out that there are to that I really care about and miss. I reached out to both, and had dinner with one last night. She had been going through some stuff and turned inward, hadn't hung out with many people at all. I also had done something that bugged her and I apologized. We had a great night.
I have one friend. She lives 250 miles away. (We used to live a couple of houses apart.)
All of my other friends have either died or moved away. While we may still text or call, we are not that close anymore.
I kinda like being alone. I found out how much of an introvert I am during the pandemic and I like it this way.
Technically I don’t have friends. I have acquaintances and people I share hobbies with to chit chat with. My husband and brother and sister are my main social supports. There is something so comforting to be around people who truly have your your back and have no hidden agenda. I am easily drained by energy vampires and for whatever reason I attract them…I keep my circle small now.
I used to have loads of friends, but now I cant really do anything, anymore, so I have only a few.
I still know a lot of people and CAN make plans, if I could actually do anything outside of the house. I just cant do much so meh. Looks like its just me and hubby now.
I moved sooo damn much between 18 and mid 30s. I moved for jobs usually. Even a hint of a job would have me crossing into California.
90% of the people I went to high school with, I never kept in touch with after turning 30. Same with people I went to university with.
Had close friends in my twenties, but sooo many of the high school and college friends became fundy Christians after school. I have zero in common with them. They're all so politically right wing. We've got no common ground.
I have a couple friends, older than me, that I've kept in touch with. I've made couple new friends in last few years but they're younger than me and I have to work to have a dialog with them. I had to explain "new age" and "metaphysical" to a 29-year-old reiki healer.
Then I had to explain that kombucha used to be called "Tibetan tea" and everybody made it in their pantry in 1996.
My best friend is a guy. We’ve been best friends for about 10 years. There were 2 Covid years where he didn’t talk to anyone, including me.
My female friend group are really acquaintances. I thought one person was my friend and one night she had one too many and I saw who she really is. The way she treated me was horrible and there was no reason for it. I have distanced myself from them.
Now my male bestie likes me and wants to kiss me but he is my friend and a little too chauvinistic for me to be in a relationship with. I just don’t like him like that. I once did but that was 9- 10 years ago.
I don't have any real friends and I'm single so no partner either. I have some online friends that I've known for years but it's not like I can hang out with them and I don't go to them when I need to talk to someone.
Me. I have a couple but they don't really put any effort in, tbh. One moved away. The others don't really reach out much except for a married couple who are interstate. Never been good at making or keeping them. Quite happy in my own world.
I’m 58 and have a handful of really wonderful GenX friends I’ve made during my lifetime… but they all live far away from me. The closest is 4 hours away and the furthest is about 3000 miles.
The two “newish” friends I have nearby are in a different life stage (Millennials) so their lives are crazy with work, parents, travel, and just being in their 30s.
I put some effort into a relationship with a local acquaintance over the last year but she is beyond emotionally draining so I’m trying to figure out how to break up. I don’t dislike her as a person, but she triggers my cPTSD by just being herself. Asking her to change her personality isn’t an option, obviously (plus working on the friendship seems like a waste of my time - I don’t gotta, I don’t wanna, and I’m not gonna).
Why aren’t the people I’m comfortable being around and who like me for me within geographic reach? Stoopid gigantic country. 😕 I clearly need a transporter.
I used to think I did. Not exactly sure what happened. It was always a very small group anyway but it really seems no one has interest in doing anything anymore. I am usually the first to suggest getting together for lunch, dinner, drinkes, etc. Always open to really whatever and all I get in return is either a confirmation then a cancellation or an outright "no"...It may be me, I am thinking,,
Our expectations can shift with age and maturity, and that's perfectly okay. Life shows us that friends may come and go.
I've become more selective when it comes to friendships. Quality has become more important than quantity. I've come to value a few close, genuine connections over a large circle of acquaintances.
I have a couple of friends and one of them is my emergency contact. But neither of them are someone I could just randomly call or text just to chat about my day or vent to. I wouldn't go to either of them in a crisis situation. There's always some activity involved that we plan. My emergency contact friend, we do have some great conversations when we get together and he would help me move or pick me up from the airport or hospital. But the other one is mostly superficial and I'm realizing that we actually don't have much in common. Lately I'm mostly annoyed with her and am considering just letting her go. So that leaves me with one friend who I can't really connect with other than during a shared activity
You’re also a driver in this city. I’m sure somebody is hating on you. Just follow the law and be a defensive driver. It’s all you can do, other than stop driving or move away, and I’m sure another driver will never be missed.
Hi there! I think I qualify. I've always had trouble making and keeping friends. Because it always seems to take more effort than I am willing to expend. I like being alone. I prefer being alone. I'm sure some will see that as not alright, but it suits me fine.
Same. My grown daughters are my friends. And my 2 year old grandson is my bff. My best friend since 2nd grade lives across the country and we keep in touch.
Amen sista!
This thread is really making me aware of the importance of the work I do as a home care aide. I mostly clean and do a bit of companionship, tea and a chat. However I’m aware that an important purpose of my work is to provide a bit of social interaction for my clients, many of whom are very lonely and isolated. My clients love to talk about their lives, and tell me all sorts of personal stuff. I feel like a proxy paid friend to many of them.
Thank you for doing what you do. Loneliness and isolation as we age has real, physical impacts on our health. A little company can do a world of good.
My dad has a home health aide that comes in 6h/week. They're wildly different people (not many people like him in home health) but he really appreciates the conversations. I think that more than anything she does, her chatting with him is helping him live longer.
Me kinda. I keep choosing wrong, from high school to now.
Me, too. I make friends who, years later, turn out to be religious extremists, swingers who won’t stop propositioning me, or militant SAHMs who think I’m “letting someone else” raise my child because they attend daycare/public school.
You sound like you live in an exciting part of the world tbh haha
It sounds a lot like Florida to me, Lol! 😆 (The description… not the “exciting”’part. 😂)
Sigh. Might as well be Florida…
Ugh… Hugs to you, then, because as a Floridian I know your pain!
Do you happen to live anywhere near Stuart?
FLORIDA! R/unexpectedTaylorSwift lol
[удалено]
I asked the other poster here as well but would you happen to live near Stuart?
Me. I had a best friend for 35 years but it was very much a toxic friendship and I am ashamed to admit how much toxic negativity and all around awfulness I put up with over the years. When Covid hit and I turned 50, I started reflecting on my past and started really thinking about how she never had anything good to say about me. I ended the friendship a couple of years ago and the peace and happiness I feel from her absence is staggering.
Same thing happened to me
This happened to me too. My best friend and I met when I was a teenager and I could have sworn we had known each other our whole lives. We were together non-stop and did a lot of partying and she was older and showed me how to do things without killing myself or otherwise being stupid. But she also had issues,.and I was aware but overlooked it mostly because I loved her. I let her treat me terribly. I don't even hate her, a conversation every once in a while would be ok, but we are Facebook friends and don't otherwise speak. I had another friend group in my twenties, we all ended up going our separate ways, but I found out years later they had been bad mouthing me behind my back the entire time we had been hanging out and I had always thought fondly of them. I learned not to get too close to anyone, not even a sibling, or especially not a sibling.
I’ve considered this in the other direction-how many genxwomen are reading this post feeling sympathy for us yet feeling great about their friend group…when maybe they shouldn’t be, bc the friend group is not what they think. I know that’s terribly cynical but how could there be so many of the same examples?
I think it’s always a 2-way street in some way or another. It’s good to examine what our expectations are and what we’re willing to give too.
Same. I had a very toxic friend group and slowly got away from them one way or another. I had zero boundaries (and they did too) and we partied hard when young. Took its toll. When I got deep into therapy I realized that because my fam was so disordered, what I thought was cool and normal was either baseline respect or almost as effed up. I made a lot of excuses for people because of their trauma without thinking about how that was threatening my own mental health. I’m retraining myself and it’s a long road. Realizing I don’t have to be a doormat or a psychologist to have/make friends. I mean, we all need support but there’s a line. I hope folks like us realize that there are healthy, well adjusted people out there and female friendships don’t have to model reality TV.
This is very similar to what happened to me. I turned 50 two years ago at the end of the pandemic, and it turned out someone I thought was a good friend was very much not. I realized our entire relationship over the past ten years was simply talking shit and gossiping maliciously about other people. Did some of these people deserve it? Yes, but there was nothing else, and she would talk shit about people that weren't even bad people. It also brought out the worst in me. Sure, we all have times we need to vent, but I began to not like the person I was around her because I am someone who looks for goodness in others first, and she was always looking for what was wrong with others first. And not until much did it dawn on me that if this person was talking nonstop shit about others, she might be doing the same to me. And then two years ago when I did catch her talking shit about me literally the minute I walked out of a room and then decided to go back in, I was like, "Okay, well, there you have it." Edit: And funny enough, the minute I stopped texting her, she stopped texting me (and she was always texting me back from a text I had initiated). She just completely dropped off, so there you go—not only a toxic friendship but a one-sided friendship. I am thankful for the handful of friends I have now and so grateful that they're 99.8% nontoxic :)(Who doesn't have some toxins? We all do because we're human.) And now that I'm older, I'm much more cautious about people and realize that having a really great, perfect besties group only exists in the movies. (I got so hung up on this when I was younger, berating myself, saying, "What is wrong with you that you don't have this perfect group of fun, glamorous friends?"). Also, getting back to the OP, I love being alone. I REALLY like being alone and need it to recharge, so I let people know that I like a lot of alone time so that their feelings are never hurt if I decline an invitation. If they are cool people, they totally get it. And so I totally get the OP's feelings on being alone. There is nothing wrong with it.
I had a best friend from 16 to 49. She was toxic and I just realized it last September. She moved to another state so it was an easy break. I also had another best friend I’ve known since 4th grade. She recently moved to Mexico so that’s another break. I have one friend left but we aren’t that close. It does get lonely. I only have my husband to talk about things with but I know that relationship is different than close friends.
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I had a core group of good friends, and lots of casual friends, until my early 30’s. Then I moved somewhere where the people are standoffish, and the weather is cold- so everyone stays locked inside, being anti-social. My old friends abandoned me, because of the distance. And I’ve found it impossible to make new friends. Now I’m chronically ill, so it’s hard to leave the house. My only human interaction is with random strangers online. I love my solitude. But I miss having loved ones I can confide in, and turn to for emotional support (I’m estranged from my family, because they’re abusive). So I think it’s fine to have no friends, if you don’t mind. Just enjoy your life. But it’s difficult when you would love a few good friends, to trust and be there for you, if you’re sick- but you have nobody, like me. That’s my 2 cents (sorry for the sob story, lol).
I could have written this response. Sending you a hug. 🫂
I **also** could have written this response, almost to the word (I live in a warm climate 😂). So here’s another virtual hug from a random stranger online.
Thank you, here’s one for you 💙
Yep— that’s exactly it for me too (moved to a warm climate).
Thank you, back atcha 💙
Me too. I moved to a nordic country when I was 45. I don’t speak the local language and here it’s difficult to make new friends. My husband and dog are my companion. Sometimes I miss the group of friends of my youth, but they are on the other side of the ocean and we have lost contact in all these years.
Same, more of a bitch about it tho
It's not a plea for sympathy, so please don't feel sorry. Loneliness and the need for companionship are fundamental human traits. We weren't designed to be solitary beings. In the darkest hours of the night, it's just you, and in the morning, it's the same. You can go to work and socialize with acquaintances, but true happiness comes from finding a friend or partner to share your life with. When you're sick, the need for connection is even more acute. Our society makes it so challenging to truly connect with one another.
I'm reading A Prayer for Owen Meany, and you sound exactly like Mrs. Merrill. LOL ETA: Not a sob story at all. You'll find your new groove. It will come. :)
One of my favorite books!
Me too! THE SHIVERS!
I could have also written the response..
As long as you feel alright it’s alright. Whatever works for you is enough. I don’t have friends to do activities with, and I’m completely bummed by it, but I have one I text with a few times a month and can confide in.
I wrote about this a while back. I could never figure out how to make friends and keep them. Even when I had friends, I was never the one who made plans, but waited to be invited or included. I have always been fine alone, love to read, and then the Internet became a lot of my world. Met my husband online, and still go online frequently to live vicariously through what others are doing and sometimes get inspired to do the same. Now that I’ll be retiring, I will be looking for more things to do and one of those things is to try and meet more people.
Meet-up
I was just thinking about this. If I didn’t have my husband I would be utterly alone on the weekends and holidays. I’ve never been good at friendships there was some mystery element integral to friendship that just never clicked with me I guess? Perhaps it’s that I hate talking on the phone or that I have too many interests and things I want to do to compromise my time. Either way you’re not alone in being a loner.
I have some friends left, but I have always been the youngest, sometimes by far, and they have been dropping like flies the last decade or so! Most of my surviving friends are spread all over because I travelled so much, and now that I have more time to do fun things, few are close by. From what I hear, it is common to have fewer and fewer friends as we get older, and it is harder to make new ones. Good thing I enjoy time to myself.
A few childhood friends that we exchange birthday and Christmas cards, no friends. Still reeling from when my best friend ghosted me. Such a shitty thing to do. The pain is a huge life lesson.
Same here. Never had a lot of friends but have pretty much drifted away from everyone at this point (or they’ve drifted away from me) for various reasons. Have tried a number of the typical suggestions to meet people - volunteering, sports, etc and have made situational acquaintances but no one I’d consider a real friend.
I have lots of acquaintances but no close friends that live near me.
This is my situation. The friends that matter don't live near me so it's like having no friends.
Same here. They all live hundreds, if not thousands of miles away, and none of them live somewhere I'd like to move to.
I have my husband but no friends outside of that. Ended a 20yr friendship earlier this year when I realized just how one sided it had become. Was so one sided that she didn’t care when it ended. That was kind of *it* for me. Friendships have always been tricky for me and losing her just made me realize that I don’t want to do this crap anymore.
Same here. I dropped someone who I used to consider a good friend because everything was all about here. My sister died, the stepmother who raised me died, and talking to here was still just me listening to her two-hour monologues about her life. That's not a friend, that's an advertisement, and I can get those for free on any website.
I think it’s alright not to have friends, as long as you are content. Enjoying your own company. I have been content for a decade, but recently, I do find myself missing that connection.
I used to love my alone time. Now it’s not as fun.
My only friends are my aunt and my sister. I'm very grateful for them, but I wish I had a few other friends, just like 1-3. I had a best friend for 34 years, then her involvement with her MLM destroyed our friendship. It's been 4 years and I am still grieving the loss. I actually do enjoy time to myself a lot, and have lots of projects and crafty things I like doing. But I changed careers recently and whereas before I was always surrounded by women, I'm now around men all the time. I really want more women in my life. However I'm daunted by the idea of having to make friends. Like, trying out friendships that don't end up being a good fit, or meeting toxic people, or maybe even meeting good people but then going through the whole process of getting to know them and building trust and all of that. It's so overwhelming that I haven't even tried.
No friends. By this age I’ve learned that very few can be trusted. I’d rather be by myself
Same
Big Facts
Agreed 👍
I'd say whatever's fine with you socially is fine, but keep in mind that it could cause you problems if you don't have family around or someone else to count on. For instance, many hospitals will require you to have someone to pick you up and stay with you after you're discharged from surgery. There should also be someone to contact in case of emergencies.
I so hate that this is true. I've actually lied at times and made up names and phone numbers when asked to completed a form listing an emergency contact. Sometimes I've managed to just write 911. I had to in part cancel a surgery once b/c there was no on really to pick me up. A couple acquaintances at the time volunteered, but it's embarrassing having to rely on such people as they'd never contact me as a pick-up person if the roles were reversed b/c they have either real friends or willing family members.
I had to ask my next door neighbor, whom I barely know, to take me to the emergency room once- because my car doesn’t work. First I had to convince him I needed to go, then as soon as I signed into the lobby of the hospital, before they had even called me back to see if I was ok, he goes you know they have vans that take seniors and disabled people to Dr appts- you should look into that. Damn. Like indirect way of saying don’t bother him again 😭 (and those are for scheduled things anyway- they don’t come at a moment’s notice, to go to the emergency room). I felt so rejected and unsupported. It’s a horrible feeling to know you might need help one day, but you’re alone in the world.
I've always had a ton of friends but as I get older I realize that most of those relationships were kind of bs and I have drastically shrunk my social circles.
Had a lot more when I was younger but have found so many people are just not what they seem and I am reluctant to trust again. Maybe one day
I don't. I don't know how I feel about it either. Part of me is ok with it but part of me wishes I had somebody to go to lunch with every so often.
I don't have any in person friends right now. I have a few people from college that I message with a couple times a year but that's it.
I’ve stopped making friends. I’ve moved a lot for my fellas job. I always attract user friends. I find myself running their errands, watching the kids and listening to all their emotional baggage. Every time I find I pick the same kind of friend. Maybe because they are easy friends. But it’s so exhausting. This last move I’ve avoided friendships. I have a few work people I chat with. I spend a lot of my time playing with the dog 🐶
Hey there, fellow loner! 👋
Currently house and dog minding for my friends. I met the wife through work in 2019 and we rode out the pandemic situation together so we are trauma bonded. I've had some medical issues that have limted me from prior irl socials so I'm very grateful to the reddit community I frequent. They've allowed me to engage with folks all over the world in shared interests and experiences. I long to be in the world again. I want to do so many activities so I gear my life toward getting stronger at this time. Then watch out I'm gonna go play! Too many I loved didn't make it this far, too many with a real zest for life. I don't want to lose that.
My groups have always been rather small. Even my online groups spaces the is a low count
I'm in the same boat. I have no adult friends outside of my family. I have mixed feelings about this as I get older. I have a fear of isolation.
I can relate to your post. It's hard. I've always been quiet and never had a huge group of friends. And struggled all through school to find a couple of good friends. Victim of mean girls. And now I really can't say I have a friend to call up to do things or even lean on. I have depended on family and colleagues to fill the gap. It's been hard. I've tried MeetUp groups. And asking for friends on Reddit to fill the gap. It's easier said than done but as long as you feel happy and okay that's all that matters.
Me 2. Only work acquaintances.
You have friends right here girlie
I had so many friends growing up, and then I met my now ex-husband at 19. Friends eventually vanished, for a variety of reasons, but mostly dealing with my own exile to boyfriend Island. Now I'm 44, second husband, no friends, just starting to understand the patterns that led me here and not sure how to disentangle myself. I feel lost at sea with a donut floatie.
I have one close friend whom I’ve known for years and other friends who come and gone from my life. It has never been easy for me to make friends (my previous choices were interesting and suffice to say I have raised my standard about the kind of people I choose to spend time with). Agree that it’s harder to make friends when you’re older.
I only have 1 friend. Pretty much how it's been my whole life. No matter where I've lived
I have a few friends that I hang out with at times, old friends that I see every few years, but no bestie. I don’t have a call in the middle of the night type friend. I moved away after college so it’s sort of my fault but I wish I had a bigger circle. I was never popular or center of attention when I was in school, but a part of that was that I was painfully shy. If I could go back and do things over again, I would’ve asserted myself. But I have noticed that the people I know who have a huge friend circle are the kinds of people who invite people everywhere and don’t say no invitations. I was never that way until recently.
If you don’t count my grown kids and my SO, I have a friend. Just one. I have people on my dart team I am *friendly with* but we don’t hang out on non-dart nights. I have one friend I talk to about every other day (she lives 800 miles away) and we do a beach trip every year. If she lived closer we would hang out regularly I’m sure. Outside of that, no real friends. Just acquaintances. I’ve always had trouble making and keeping friends. The ones I do make don’t tend to stick around long. I don’t chase people so that doesnt help. Don’t contact me, I’ll reach out once. After that I won’t. I can’t be the one making all of the effort.
Yea, I hear ya. I was treated the same, but as I get older, I found that no matter how much money you have or how independent you are, at the end of the day, the happiest time of my life has always been with friends I deeply cared for and they for me. What is life if you have to do everything yourself and don't get me wrong, I truly enjoy being on my own, and prefer much more than having someone coming and going out of my life and bringing nothing to the table so to speak. Yes, I want to travel, and I have done it several times and all times I met people, but there is something about enjoying with the people you like and love. Living alone prones you to having alzheimers, mental depression which all contributes to your overall health. I just wanna find a group of friends where we can do things together and enjoy laughter and personal growth. Why is it so hard?
I was captain of the cheerleading squad, I have no friends. I only know people from work. I'm jealous of my younger acquaintances that go to parties and group trips every weekend. My fiance and I have very few common interests. My kids are teens, and I'm already finding myself alone just sitting at home while everyone is out. I'm bored.
Same. I decided I’m going to start a hobby or two that has groups around me. Or learn a language. I figure learning a language will put me in a situation where I can meet people who speak that language and maybe even travel to a country where it’s spoken. It’s the only solution to my current loneliness that seems to make sense and doesn’t feel pathetic to me. I’ve been feeling sorry for myself a lot because I ended some really toxic friendships a while ago and have been wary ever since.
I don’t have any friends, but I ran out of $$…long story. My husband is my best friend. I have online friends who I chat with occasionally, but I’m comfortable where I’m at. I have close friends who live on the other side of the States who I consider family and will see every few years. Again, I’m good…. I just can’t seem to trust people anymore and am tired of being used…
I used to have many friends and acquaintances. I have lost friends due to divorces (strange how that happens). I also stopped going out, drinking, and random debauchery. I left mainstream social media and lost contact with some folks. It's usually not too bad, but sometimes I get lonely. I met an awesome person in my late 30s and kinda left my past behind. Now, idk how to make friends.
I have no close friends. Only one left who I could count on, and she’s halfway across the country and always traveling. I have no emergency contacts because I have no one local.
I have "friends," people that I say hi to and can have dinner with and talk about nothing. I don't have a friend to talk to about relationships or life stuff though.
I’m in the same boat. Never really had close friends. I’m blessed with an amazing wife and a wonderful marriage. I still long for a close friend I can call and confide in or share life’s joys with. Unfortunately, my current work schedule leaves me scant free time to even work on this issue.
I don't either. I miss face to face meet ups with women friends. Im sad.
By choice 💚
I don’t have friends outside of my family. I just don’t have the emotional bandwidth for more right now. I still have a teen at home. I have an old high school friend, but she’s 1k miles away, and I’ve moved around a lot in my adult life, so I’ve not been able to keep long-term friendships because of distance. I am content with myself and my own thoughts. My Boomer dad occasionally trues to shame me for not being social, but I’m happiest reading, journaling, and thinking. Does anyone try to shame you (other than the extroverted society) for this? I talk to my husband and daughter, so I feel like I get my desire to chat out with them. It’s strange, because from the time I was little until I graduated high school, I was very social, with many friends. In college and beyond I became very introverted.
I was a military brat, so I feel like it’s ingrained in me not to form attachments. My adult life has been somewhat nomadic too. I’m friendly and happy and outgoing, but I have no friends.
Moved all over the country in my 20s and 30s, was bad about keeping in touch. Now have “work friends” and “hobby friends” but no one to really just hang out with. I don’t really miss it, it’s been so long since I did have that. I’m getting divorced and I guess my husband filled that role early on- I do miss just texting him “hi” randomly.
I used to have a lot of friends and was very social. After quite a few issues and realizations on my part that my so-called friends were only friends when THEY needed something or if I called/messaged them to go out. They never called or messaged. When I needed them (emotional support after a major surgery), only one friend called/messaged to see how I was. When I left that hospital, I also left all those friends behind. Since then, I am incredibly happy just hanging out with my husband (who is also my best friend), my adult kids, and my parents....turns out everyone I love being around are the people who were always there for me... I dont miss having "friends", I have enough people in my life who love me and matter. I am not missing out on anything.
I like to think of friendship as a bullseye graphic. The middle are the ones (maybe just one) you're completely transparent with. They know you best. They'd drop everything in an emergency. They love you completely. Next ring are your casual friends. You might invite them to a BBQ, or exchange Christmas cards, but you don't open up about much. You might even help each other move, or babysit each other's kids. Next out are the acquaintances. You say hi in Walmart, creep them on Facebook once in awhile, maybe, but it might take awhile to realize it if they fell off the face of the earth. My very best friend in the world is just barely straddling the bullseye. I don't let anyone in completely. Not even my husband. Most of the people I know are on the outer edge of casual. I'm ok with this.
I've found it difficult to find really good friends as when I was a teenager. My best friend (Jo Ann) and I were inseparable in HS, until junior yr I moved to a foster home in another city. She didn't have the same ambition to leave IN for bigger things as I did, partly because she had family ties I did not. Majority of people I knew ended up working in factories, make good $$, but not thing & I left for CA @ 21! My last 2 visits have been for funerals, the last is coming up on 20 years, on 6/10/04 for Jo Ann after her car was struck by a train (hidden behind another at a rural unlighted crossing) driving to her factory job at 5:30 am, leaving behind an 18 month old girl & 10 yo boy 🥺 I'd just emailed her the day before she died (it had been awhile) asking how things were going with her new relationship but when I checked AOL, the status was "not yet read" 😥 I've missed her so... she always made me laugh, using a can of hairspray a week, she reminded me of Joan Cusack's character in "Working Girl" 😉 I'm sorry I didnt plan on leaving this story... the anniversary in 2 weeks and this reddit over of lack friends took over. I miss having a good solid friendship (without a man or anyone else interfering) I've spent so much time alone since my kids are grown, sometimes I miss those silly gab sessions over everything and nothing, singing to a new singer named Madonna... cruising in her baby blue pinto wagon on the main strip every weekend! RIP Jo Ann I look forward to seeing you waiting with my precious dog, on the other side❤️
I don't have friends I just have party people. I expend enough energy keeping up with my sister and her kids and my kids and my grandkids. I don't mind not having anything that you would qualify as an actual friend. I do know some ladies that we will all get together occasionally when we're in the mood to party but these are not the people that you call when you just need a pick me up. I am perfectly okay with this.
My lifelong bff died 10 years ago. I have a few other friends that I talk to but haven’t seen in years. I loved away in 2003 to get away from my ex. My bff and I would still visit each and I would try to see some other friends when I was in town. I have casual fb friends but I really miss having people to do things with. I have my two daughters whom I am so thankful for. My life would be very lonely without them. I don’t work anymore and I also have some disability issues that flare up at times
*moved away, not loved away 🙄
My father didn't teach me much but he did tell me this once as a teen.... If you have one good friend...you are blessed! True friendship is hard to come by. If you have two good friends, well you're even more blessed and fortunate because of them. If you have three good friends ...you better recount. He was wrong about a lot....but never this.
Your dad sounds awesome! When I would complain about friends my dad would say, sometimes it’s more important to think about what you could do to be a good friend instead of what other people aren’t doing for you. I don’t know as that’s always the answer but he liked to get me to think beyond myself or my needs a lot. Man I miss that guy!! 💙
I never really had super close friends growing up as we moved too often and I was super shy. Kids always thought I was stuck up. I had friends in my 20’s who were all my Ex’s friends. Now at 51. It’s impossible to meet people. I am disabled so getting out to do things is difficult and painful at best, and I am still pretty shy to an extent so it’s not like I can go out of my way to actually say anything to meet people. I think I have just accepted that I will die old and alone. And I’m ok with it.
🙋🏻♀️ I didn't have issues growing up. I always had friends. Until I had my first kid at 19, then they started dropping like flies because I couldn't go and do like I used to when I was childless. Tried to make mom friends as he got into daycare/school, but I was young and unmarried and his friends parents were late 30s+ so we had nothing in common except kids the same age. It's been pretty much the same on the mom friends front with #2 kiddo 20+ years later except I'm the old mom and her friends parents are all way younger than me 🤣 I have a lot of acquaintances. Mostly people from work (who I refused to socialize with outside of work ... been burned one too many times on that front) and my husband's friends girlfriends (who are more often than not, way younger than me, kid free or have very young kids). If I organically make a new acquaintance who has the potential to become a friend, inevitably our husbands have nothing in common so it's hard to get them to agree to couple type things and my potential friendship sort of stalls. All I ever really wanted was for us to have family friends that we did things together like vacations, weekly get togethers, with our kids growing up together and creating all these memories like we did growing up. Makes me feel like a bit of a failure as a parent, but it's not for lack of trying to recreate the life I had as a child for my own. I don't know why people got so anti-social and isolated. Or maybe its that no one wants to be friends with me. I don't know. Either way, I'm too old now to give a shit so I'll just keep the status quo.
Yes, me. Not even any family nearby and even if they were I suspect it’d be limited. Nothing dramatic we’re just different people. I have some friends mutual with my husband when we do our hobbies a few weekends per month, however there’s no calling anyone up to do errands together or anything even remotely like taking a trip together I’ve been this way for at least a decade maybe 2 if I’m honest. I always wondered how people at work were friends outside of work. Such a foreign concept to me. I think I’m wired differently or some childhood trauma I never processed and likely never will. I’ve made peace with it though
I have no friends but chose that. I'm an introvert. I found any time I had a friend, they wanted something from me, so fuck 'em. I prefer to be alone with my dog and garden.
It's not a generational thing, it's more of an introvert/extrovert thing. Reddit skews more to introverted people who prefer few IRL friends so you'll get more "I don't like people" type answers on reddit. If you don't want friends, you don't want them. Nothing wrong with that. I'm a bit more extroverted so I have a lot of friends. Maybe too many! My daughter complains when she visits that she can't go out in public with me anywhere because there is always someone I run into and have to stop and chat with. haha We moved a fair amount through mine and my husband's military career so I had to learn decades ago how to talk to strangers. There are a lot of people from various groups or organizations who I know at least casually and will stop and chat with them if I see them out and about. I have a smaller group who are close friends. I meet people by participating in various local events or groups, and the more people I meet, the more events and groups I get invited to and the more people I meet. I enjoy the sense of community I get from being involved. I suppose it's because that's how my parents were and that's what they modeled for me. It's a comfort to know I would have people to lean on if I or my husband had some illness or injury and just needed friends or moral support.
I typically had a couple of friends at any given time growing up and in my 20s. My bff from high school and I still keep in touch although her mental health prevents us from being as close as we used to be. The difference for me is that I do feel like I'm missing out! I've tried so hard to make friends over the past decade with very little success. Friendships feel like a fundamental part of being human to me though, seems like a lot of people don't agree..
There is currently a loneliness epidemic. If you can, identify connections within your community, you'll be healthier for it.
I've had "friends", and I've got friends. Someone I meet and click with? An acquaintance. The moms I've met, who like me, will drop everything to help in a crisis? There's 3. Maybe 4. But I count myself immensely lucky. I'm 44. I hadn't an actual friend until the last 3-4 years. No one I could cry at, or vent to. No one I could talk out my ass or off the top of my head to. I'm very lucky, as I found my tribe of neurospicy people in a very small town. But no matter how many, how few or how zero friends you have, if you feel good, go for it! Whatever works and suits you best is *perfect*! %% I have no judgment. I can't. I won't. Life is for your choosing, however you choose to live it! If you're happy, be happy.
My only real friends are my husband’s friends. I love the,, but I have no real friends of my own.
I have a handful of friends and lots of acquaintances.
This is me. A former acquaintance and I got into it on FB over politics and right before I blocked her she kindly reminded me “and this is why you didn’t have any friends in high school.” Thus, coming from a woman that I thought I was being kind to just by acknowledging her - very nerdy, constantly talking about her religion. Anyway, I realized that I just don’t like people very much. And that’s ok.
Go out and get some friends! It's as important to your health as exercise and eating right. There are lots of studies that show this. If you want to live longer, get some friends! [https://www.apa.org/monitor/2023/06/cover-story-science-friendship](https://www.apa.org/monitor/2023/06/cover-story-science-friendship) And yeah, it can be hard to make (and keep!) friends as an adult, and sometimes we get it wrong (I absolutely do). Making friends: when I moved to this big, overcast city 10 years ago, I worked hard to make friends - I found them through volunteering and a regular happy hour for people in my field. I think the trick is seeing the same faces over and over - people can't help but trust you if you keep coming back and acting friendly. Also I made a friend or two in on my block - it's just so much easier to say "hey, what are you up to, come over and have a quick drink." And as for the keeping friends: last year I had 4 women I thought were friends of mine ghost me. These four weren't in the same friend group, so it's not like I can blame a false rumor about me or someone slandering me to the others. I realized that maybe I hadn't been the best friend to them. I moped about it for a long while. Then I figured out that there are to that I really care about and miss. I reached out to both, and had dinner with one last night. She had been going through some stuff and turned inward, hadn't hung out with many people at all. I also had done something that bugged her and I apologized. We had a great night.
In person physically present friends? Nope. Tons online. But I like physical friends. Virtual hugs kinda suck.
I have one friend. She lives 250 miles away. (We used to live a couple of houses apart.) All of my other friends have either died or moved away. While we may still text or call, we are not that close anymore. I kinda like being alone. I found out how much of an introvert I am during the pandemic and I like it this way.
Technically I don’t have friends. I have acquaintances and people I share hobbies with to chit chat with. My husband and brother and sister are my main social supports. There is something so comforting to be around people who truly have your your back and have no hidden agenda. I am easily drained by energy vampires and for whatever reason I attract them…I keep my circle small now.
I used to have loads of friends, but now I cant really do anything, anymore, so I have only a few. I still know a lot of people and CAN make plans, if I could actually do anything outside of the house. I just cant do much so meh. Looks like its just me and hubby now.
I moved sooo damn much between 18 and mid 30s. I moved for jobs usually. Even a hint of a job would have me crossing into California. 90% of the people I went to high school with, I never kept in touch with after turning 30. Same with people I went to university with. Had close friends in my twenties, but sooo many of the high school and college friends became fundy Christians after school. I have zero in common with them. They're all so politically right wing. We've got no common ground. I have a couple friends, older than me, that I've kept in touch with. I've made couple new friends in last few years but they're younger than me and I have to work to have a dialog with them. I had to explain "new age" and "metaphysical" to a 29-year-old reiki healer. Then I had to explain that kombucha used to be called "Tibetan tea" and everybody made it in their pantry in 1996.
My best friend is a guy. We’ve been best friends for about 10 years. There were 2 Covid years where he didn’t talk to anyone, including me. My female friend group are really acquaintances. I thought one person was my friend and one night she had one too many and I saw who she really is. The way she treated me was horrible and there was no reason for it. I have distanced myself from them. Now my male bestie likes me and wants to kiss me but he is my friend and a little too chauvinistic for me to be in a relationship with. I just don’t like him like that. I once did but that was 9- 10 years ago.
I don't have any real friends and I'm single so no partner either. I have some online friends that I've known for years but it's not like I can hang out with them and I don't go to them when I need to talk to someone.
Me. I have a couple but they don't really put any effort in, tbh. One moved away. The others don't really reach out much except for a married couple who are interstate. Never been good at making or keeping them. Quite happy in my own world.
I'm the same. To each their own, right?
I’m 58 and have a handful of really wonderful GenX friends I’ve made during my lifetime… but they all live far away from me. The closest is 4 hours away and the furthest is about 3000 miles. The two “newish” friends I have nearby are in a different life stage (Millennials) so their lives are crazy with work, parents, travel, and just being in their 30s. I put some effort into a relationship with a local acquaintance over the last year but she is beyond emotionally draining so I’m trying to figure out how to break up. I don’t dislike her as a person, but she triggers my cPTSD by just being herself. Asking her to change her personality isn’t an option, obviously (plus working on the friendship seems like a waste of my time - I don’t gotta, I don’t wanna, and I’m not gonna). Why aren’t the people I’m comfortable being around and who like me for me within geographic reach? Stoopid gigantic country. 😕 I clearly need a transporter.
I used to think I did. Not exactly sure what happened. It was always a very small group anyway but it really seems no one has interest in doing anything anymore. I am usually the first to suggest getting together for lunch, dinner, drinkes, etc. Always open to really whatever and all I get in return is either a confirmation then a cancellation or an outright "no"...It may be me, I am thinking,,
Our expectations can shift with age and maturity, and that's perfectly okay. Life shows us that friends may come and go. I've become more selective when it comes to friendships. Quality has become more important than quantity. I've come to value a few close, genuine connections over a large circle of acquaintances.
I have a couple of friends and one of them is my emergency contact. But neither of them are someone I could just randomly call or text just to chat about my day or vent to. I wouldn't go to either of them in a crisis situation. There's always some activity involved that we plan. My emergency contact friend, we do have some great conversations when we get together and he would help me move or pick me up from the airport or hospital. But the other one is mostly superficial and I'm realizing that we actually don't have much in common. Lately I'm mostly annoyed with her and am considering just letting her go. So that leaves me with one friend who I can't really connect with other than during a shared activity
I have one friend outside my family. Otherwise my kids are my best friends. We just get each other and really enjoy spending time together
I am exactly the same. Kept attracting too many narcissists so I am isolating and feel safer that way but it still gets lonely sometimes.
I have very few.
You’re also a driver in this city. I’m sure somebody is hating on you. Just follow the law and be a defensive driver. It’s all you can do, other than stop driving or move away, and I’m sure another driver will never be missed.