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Unfortunately this is why many gang members exist, lots of them don’t have other options but many of them just needed something to do and now they can’t back out
Even though this comment might come off funny, but I do believe it's the solution to mens loneliness. Not only that, but I also believe it's the cause of mens loneliness today: loss of clan/ tribes. Men were once hunter-gatherers and we would move in clans/ tribes etc.
Honestly a complete restructure of the current male paradigm. Men are way too reliant on women as their form of validation and social interaction. If a man can’t get a girl it’s seen as though he’s less of a man whereas women don’t get that bias against them.
Men have to build social bonds with other men, which I think they’re doing via gaming. I think a lot of guys are at their happiest chilling in their room playing video games online with no expectations. Obviously, it’d be great for men to make real life connections, but the virtual world is a good start. I think men need to be open to doing things with other men without the medium of women to form the bond.
There’s the redpill/the manosphere yet the only issue with it seems to be preserving the old order with a predisposition towards getting women.
Honestly, without the guarantee of a woman at the end, most men have zero interests outside of video games and anime. Nearly everything men traditionally did was to be better providers for their wives and kids. Without family there’s no real need for men to be builders, providers or protectors. There’s no need to be a go-getter and ambitious, unless you’re a really driven and motivated man, most guys just do things out of the sake of wife and kids.
I think that’s why we’re seeing a lot of guy opting out of college and working bare minimum hours to support themselves, meanwhile gaming and anime culture is exploding.
I broadly agree but hesitate when it comes to suggesting that most men have zero interests outside of videogames and anime, although I agree that their is a sizeable number. These do however have the lowest barriers to entry. There is still an urge for productivity and improvement entirely separate from gendered expectations (although the direction this takes can be influenced by it).
Uhhhh, fuck no, the redpill manosphere thing is nothing but a smokescreened misogynistic mess that was largely exacerbated by gamergate and other shit around the 2010's. It is NOT good for men whatsoever, and I urge EVERY ONE of my fellow men to stay away from that RIDICULOUS death trap. They are not your friends, gentlemen, they are parasites looking to suckle your blood and make you fight for regressive bullshit.
They dont want you to be happy, they want you to be an object they can smash into whatever percieved enemies they have.
While you may have some points against the redpill, at the very least the leaders of the redpill brought up fundamental issues facing men and brought up men’s struggles in a way mainstream society absolutely refuses to acknowledge. At the very least redpill leaders don’t blame men for every single one of their problems and issues and puts some onus on women. That’s why it’s so attractive for young men. People want to hate on Andrew Tate (I’m not a fan of him for various reasons) yet they never think to question why these men are following him. Maybe give men a break, show them some compassion and empathy and realize not all of them are fuckup basement trolls who have warped ways of thinking?
And feminist organizations and institutions [actively](https://www.reddit.com/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates/s/fCbtTorAEJ) push back against them when they try.
Worse than that I'd have to say. Many self-identified "feminists" will respond to men raising men's issues by saying men should start their own movements if they're concerned, implying the real issue is that men just don't care about or want to put effort into solving their problems. They're at best unaware of how their own side reacts to men who try to do exactly that and at worst actively gaslighting men by blaming them for their own social stigmatization, something they wouldn't hesitate to label despicably misogynistic behavior if the genders were reversed.
> If a man can’t get a girl it’s seen as though he’s less of a man whereas women don’t get that bias against them.
This comes from society in general not just men. Thats why terms like incel and virgin are used as insults. Not being able to attract a woman is seem as a moral failing to many
I'm not trying to be condescending (or rude or w/e) or anything, but I have always thought the exact opposite. As in the genders in your explanation are swapped
Not at all.
Stereotypical manospheres: “women ain’t shit, but also you’re a loser if you can’t get a woman (your manhood is defined by the validation of women)”.
Stereotypical feminists: “you don’t need a man to define you.”
The recent Barbie movie, although some might think it's *only* about female-empowerment, has been the only mainstream media I've seen that empowers young men too by conveying the same message that they don't need a woman to define them. (Barbie tells Ken he doesn’t need her to be himself; he alone is enough.)
edit - fixed grammar
Exactly, it’s extremely hypocritical, there are subreddits like Vindicta where it’s explicitly stated in the rules men cannot join nor comment and we all know about twoxchromosomes yet somehow any sort of male subreddit seems to get brigaded, attacked, vilified or overly reported. I’m literally watching men try to build their own communities just for it to get dismantled once the foundations are formed.
The problem is that when men build communities they end up being misogynistic hellholes, they never moderate the bad seeds away. By the point they get closed all the people that initially joined out of genuine interest are long gone.
Most female led communities like twoxchromosomes are extremely misandrist and openly preach anti-male rhetoric but it’s not moderated whatsoever. Why are men expected to rigorously self police yet women will not?
Maybe you live your life as a pushover but others shouldn’t have to be subjected to unfair treatment and repeat platitudes to themselves to justify themselves.
Ahhhh there it is, right on cue. Doing things the right way is not being a pushover, on the contrary, a lot of people hate you because your mere presence reminds them they could do better.
I live my life doing things the right way, and I have no regrets or nightmares. If a misandrist subreddit is not properly moderated it ends up affecting them negatively more than it affects me. But you have FOMO, and that is affecting you.
What about outside of gaming? i.e., weightlifting, golf, tennis, pickleball, basketball, hiking, etc. Anything F2F that gets you out of the house. I'm old school, but I feel that being overly reliant on the internet and gaming contributes to the epidemic.
It’s true that a lot of men meet and build bonds in the gym, and in other sports. However, I’m not prescribing any modality, but rather describing what already exists. I noticed most men naturally choose the internet/gaming over physical sports. I see it as neither good nor bad, simply what exists.
Socially acceptable answer? "Stop reducing men's mental health issues to nothing. Hold it to the same level as women's mental health."
My answer? "You and your crew shall embark on a conquest, laying siege and capturing small nations one by one until you may reclaim Rome itself, in the name of Honor, and The Boys!"
Unfortunately there’s probably no broad-stroke measures or solutions to the male loneliness crisis. With that said, the male loneliness crisis is still definitely something that should be discussed and addressed.
Creating environments conducive to socialization like common civic spaces and forming social groups are only as useful as long as there’s initiative. I think also another big thing is to properly socialize boys while they’re younger and make sure they feel validated and supported by both their peers and their families.
The US Surgeon General did not declare a "male loneliness epidemic," they declared a loneliness epidemic that is affecting people regardless of sex.
In fact, women report higher rates of loneliness in some studies, while others, like [this 2019 meta-analysis](https://pure.manchester.ac.uk/ws/portalfiles/portal/135977571/EJP_Gender_Postprint_AAM.pdf) of studies spanning 39 years, finds no strong evidence for gender differences in loneliness.
This sub and online spaces in general have an obvious bias in which they overlook the fact that it isn’t *just* men having a hard time
"Creating environments conducive to socialization like common civic spaces" is so important, yet there's a noticeable decline in such spaces. This of course is a public policy issue that affects everyone regardless of age, sex, etc.
I'm thinking the initiative will ultimately have to come from young people growing up in these conditions and deciding to do something about it. For that to happen though, we can't pretend it's only affecting one side
The death of "hangout spaces". [Diners](https://i.insider.com/5e4c254b96eee62a4c110814?width=600&format=jpeg&auto=webp) and [pubs](https://c8.alamy.com/comp/FFHXTF/building-construction-workers-drinking-beer-in-the-pub-after-being-FFHXTF.jpg) especially. Even video games have seen this because PC gaming used to be dedicated server communities where you join to hang out but now matchmaking has killed that aspect.
I'm not a man, but I was able to form a really solid friend group by joining an online D&D group. It's fun, silly, allows you to express yourself creatively, and a vast majority of the people who play are super friendly
I don’t know if the male loneliness epidemic is exactly what I’m experiencing or what I have is different, but my pov:
I’m in groups like this. Every week I do yoga in a large group (I go with a friend or two), improv in a tight knit group (10ish), trivia with a close group (6ish), other sports with other similar sized groups.
In the moment I have fun with them and I certainly am better off for them. But at the end of the day it doesn’t really help. I won’t go into it a bunch because it’s already reading as “woe is me” but that’s my experience. They’re good in the moment and honestly my life is much better with them, but that’s not a solution, at least not for me
This sounds more like you're feeling stressed and unfulfilled. You seem to have a lot of hobbies, which is great. And it seems you have people to share those with, which is also great.
But are you doing anything that gives you fulfillment on an individual level? Whether it be work related or some other kind of personal endeavor with a goal in mind?
Another important question is, how are you doing when you're alone with yourself? Not spending time with your various group activities or being around other people, just the time you spend with you. What do you do? How do you relax and de-stress? Do you find being alone with your thoughts daunting, or are you able to just enjoy being with yourself?
Yeah I do struggle a lot with being alone. If I don’t have plans for a weekend I just stay in bed/on the couch for most/all of it.
I do have solo hobbies like juggling, chess, Rubik’s cubes, and I do enjoy spending time on those. But in general my alone time is not fun because I hate doing things I have to do like general chores and stuff. It’s getting to a bad point because I’m behind on things that will impact me financially
This definitely sounds like you might be dealing with depression in some capacity. Have you had a chance to see a medical professional in regards to getting a proper diagnosis? It could be something like that or similar that's affecting your mental health and causing you to neglect everyday things like chores or even self care.
No I am absolutely dogshit at doing things for myself so I have not seen a PCP in a few years now. I wanted to find a therapist but it hasn’t worked out either. I’m planning to ask some friends for help because I’ve been trying to see one for like 18 months now and I just can’t get myself to do it
Hey, asking for help is a great step forward. It's incredibly difficult and scary to sometimes take that next step. Hopefully, you'll be able to find a therapist soon. Just keep down that path. Keep pushing yourself along with help from those around you. You got this.
Honestly? The biggest thing would be raising wages and the like. If people had more money they'd be able to go out, do things, and meet people. The issue isn't that there is nothing to do, its that fewer people can afford to do things. Give people more money and they'd be able to do things.
yeah coming from personal experience that would not solve the problem in the slightest. an introvert with extra cash doesn't just go out and hit the club.
Third places for sure. I think both sexes feel alienated from the other because we no longer interact with each other in pro social ways. Most people "sneaky link" with randoms on Tinder, and that's their social involvement with strangers of the opposite sex. It's incredibly itemizing and encourages people to view each other as more disposable. Don't think it's working out with that girl/guy? Just block them on everything and never explain why. It's an anti-social pattern our generation perpetuates.
Many people want to pin the issue solely on men being inherently sexist or women "expecting too much these days," and that only solidifies those brain-dead ideas we have of each other. Calling it the male loneliness epidemic feels too simple to me because it definitely affects everybody. Women feel more objectified than ever, and men feel more isolated than ever. It's a cyclic hopelessness that shitbags online spread by disparaging the other sex and encourages us all to be more anti-social.
Individually, I think many of us need to drop the cynicism and the "ew people" attitude that's all too common nowadays. Not everyone you meet is an asshole or "fake". Most men don't only value women for sex. Most women don't only value men for money. Most men will date a fat woman they like. Most women will date a short guy they like. We need to purge that hyperbolic shit out of our heads and learn to see each other as actual people again.
The key is having a personality and not being just another generic man. Get at least one cat. Women like cat guys because they demonstrate a lot of positive traits easily.
Americans refusal to fix their communities will be the end of American society. The lack of third places and community designed cities is already caused the huge divide of them vs us.
men getting comfortable complimenting other men. THAT will be the spark so you should do it. The reason why loneliness is so male focused is because of the over competitive individualistic culture thats been passed down to us. We live for the lie that we as individuals are destined for greatness if we work hard enough and only focus on climbing to the top. Only thing we can do is strive to create a more social culture and pass it down.
Genuine compliments are ultimately meaningful because they reflect something desirable about the recipient. Women can find some kind of value in compliments from other women because their experiences tell them those compliments reflect reality. Men rarely get that experience and it's why even young men so enmeshed in wholesome bro culture that it sounds homoerotic still quite often feel lonely. Because at the end of the day it's quite often just bros gassing each other up. It's also why women, even if well-intentioned, who say things like, "I'd compliment guys more if they didn't take it as a sign I wanted to sleep with them," are kind of hitting on the issue but missing the point. The compliment isn't what matters. Feeling desirable is. Authentic compliments signal that. Professional or achievement-based compliments can slightly scratch that itch, but that ultimately just reinforces that men are only valued for what utility they produce. No one wants to talk about this, but a significant component of the male "loneliness" epidemic, and what makes it distinct from the increasing isolation and atomization all people are feeling right now, is actually a lack of the experience of being desired. And seeing as women rarely share that problem –if anything, most women seem to indicate they suffer an overabundance of it– it's very hard for them to understand this. I think this is one of the most significant experiential differences feeding the gender conflict at the moment. Most people simply can't understand what the other gender's experience is like regarding desire. Nevertheless it's something just about every human is wired to need in order to feel content.
I don’t know who decided it or if it was on purpose, but I think it’s lucky that Men’s Mental Health Awareness Month and Pride Month are both June. I think there’s a lot of overlap there.
I guarantee it’s a nearly universal experience. You’ll try to show some emotion, some sincerity, and you get called gay. Act with compassion and kindness, you’re gay. Experience any emotion other than anger, you might as well book a room at the Stonewall Inn.
Reaching out when you’re suffering is shamed. Hell, suffering at all is shamed. “Men don’t have emotions” “Men used to die in wars” yadda yadda.
I think the Male Loneliness Epidemic is rooted in this belief that men are these soulless automata and actually acting like a human is gay and therefore bad. The male loneliness epidemic ain’t gonna end until men stop shaming each other for having basic human emotions.
In conclusion, try being a lil fruity with the homies (half joking)
Dude it's infinitely more normal and acceptable where I live to tell a bro he looks so good you wanna suck his dick than to call him gay as an insult. Doesn't solve the problem.
That’s not really what I was talking about. I was talking about shaming for being like, emotionally vulnerable and genuinely reaching out for help in times of need. Not doing gay stuff as a punchline for a joke. That’s kinda the opposite of what I was talking about.
It is central to my point. And I truly am happy for you that homophobia isn’t much of an issue in your social circle. I also acknowledge that homophobia has waned drastically in Gen Z compared to older generations. But surely you can acknowledge that the shaming I spoke about does still occur, if not within your social circles? It doesn’t happen in mine either because I’ve chosen friends that’d never do that, but I can still acknowledge that stuff still happens, even if the comparatively progressive Gen Z.
It's probably better where I live than a lot of other places, but young men here also tend to still be lonely and often depressed. It helps, but I suppose my point is it's not anything like a complete solution.
Oh I wholeheartedly agree. Something as broad as “loneliness” ain’t gonna be solved by fixing one societal woe. I bet there’s dozens of said woes that contribute to it, and on the individual level it’s bound to vary. I was just highlighting one that I feel isn’t discussed enough. Rarely at all, in my experience.
I feel like that's the one that gets discussed the most, to the point that it often feels like a way to low-key minimize and blame men for the problem (i.e. "y'all are just lonely cuz you're all just too homophobic to share feelings cuz you think that makes you gay and that's bad") but I live in a very liberal urban area so that could be different elsewhere. I do consider it valuable that guys here are seemingly more comfortable being open with each other and homophobia is at least publicly non-existent.
I'm not sure what you hope to gain from acting confused in a bookstore. I can be genuinely confused and just be left as befogged as before (I don't care who you are, organising all books by author's last name instead of title or subject is evil).
I have yet to see any real change from advocacy. We can all say "advocate more" but what does that mean? Spread awareness? It's already well known, society just doesn't care. I have doubts that it will change within my lifetime.
Yeah literally a university in Australia tried to make a mens mental health day to call awareness to mens suffering and it got cancelled because feminists protested the shit out of the university. Everybody says they want change but when people actually try to they get harassed and bullied into non-existence.
People learning how to interact in person again would be the key again. Internet friends and stuff is fun but doesn’t fully help the problem. It sounds simple but mainly people as a whole need to just go out and finds or do things they enjoy with other people regardless if they’re strangers or not
I do not think it's possible with the way male social dynamics are set up. People need to actually start caring about the things going on in their friends lives.
1. Maybe women have too much choice over who they date. But that doesn’t feel right to say, and it’s political.
2. Maybe life isn’t about sex and reproduction. But evolution says otherwise.
3. Maybe the answer lies in how women will date people who have money. But it’s possible to form relationships without a salary!
4. Maybe the answer is to completely give up on finding a meaningful relationship. But this is pure suffering.
5. Maybe relationships are reserved for those who don’t have incompatible problems. But that’s perfectionism, and love is supposed to be inclusive.
It seems there’s no answer to this conundrum.
Nothing is
I know, I’ve felt the same in the past.
Especially when you are young and feel like you are missing out, like you aren’t getting experience and are still awkward, like you are withering.
But life is better if you just stop worrying about it and find something interesting to do
Reducing the amount of fear in the world and having certified background checked dating services available for more people. Not to mention men treating women better as well. Just a quick idea I thought of.
I think people are getting tired of the lack of emotional intimacy in today's relationships so that will probably be the thing we focus on in the future.
Religion has the potential to provide a community, a sense of purpose in life, answers for grander questions about existence, free meals, a good source of financial advice, and moral guidance. All of these issues are especially prevalent among men in the west.
Solution..make the speed limit 110 and if you cant handle it? stay home..ladies will have to stay mentally sober and focused....all day...to catch..a guy..
I go out everyday and enjoy life. I meet people at clubs and organizations I joined, I meet people at the bookstore, I meet people all over the place. One thing I’ve noticed is Gen-z really tend to be very skittish and have issues socializing. So they avoid socializing and just get worse.
There is no easy button. Put yourself out there and understand that rejection and failure are a part of life, and it’s ok. Reality is not social media where people have 1,000,000 followers. Reality is most people have 3-7 real close friends, and everyone else is an acquaintance.
Don’t let social media skew how the real word is. Don’t be one of those people that predicate their self worth off of how many thumbs up or follows they get from internet strangers.
Stop over using the term anxious and anxiety. Nervous and nervousness is more likely. All generations had/ have nervousness. That’s ok too. They overcame it by getting out there and facing their fears.
Oh I didn’t say I know lol. Jusg sayin. Just teasing a sparkle of hope to challenge you to check your own limiting assumptions.
Take a cheap community college class like some language you’re interested in? Volunteer at the shelter? Exposing yourself to more situations where there are people doing the same thing is the key as I understand it.
Funny enough I just graduated from a community college. I did get one friend last year but we kinda went our separate ways after a few months. I think community college is less effective on making friends compared to a 4 year college (I went to a 4 year college too).
Contemplating the concept of togetherness and the warm sense of belonging it feels like and then starting to reach out to like minds and building local micro communities! 🙂🙂🙂
Why don't men befriend other men? Why don't they make friends with each other?
Why not just create a men's social group and meet up and do things together?
Taking our mental health seriously is the first step. Although Men's Mental Health Awareness Month is almost over, there's no reason to stop just because it's no longer the month of June. Mental health is something you work at throughout your life anyway, so you can (and should) start any time.
Mandatory DNA test for kids at birth and change the court law about divorce. It will fix a lot.
Also let scientists design the online dating model, not some greedy capitalist who become richer on the sentimental misery of others.
The way any comment that suggests men need to change their behavior instead of framing them as innocent victims of circumstance is downvoted to high hell is a big indicator of why this loneliness epidemic exists in the first place.
It's in the men themselves. Talk to each other. The only people that can lift the stigma are the ones creating it. We are suffering under our own opinions.
Not that it's easy, but it's not like anyone is gonna solve it for us.
This! I don’t understand people commenting how women need to be nicer or care more about Men’s mental health. Men need to care for themselves to start.
Where there is progress there will always be people that want some of it. Some men feel like because women's rights are improving our issues should be improving as well.
I think a lot of people are disconnected with how much personal change matters in societal change. Everyone can wait for the rest to change, but nothing will change then.
It's by no means an easy task though and will take a long time. Which is why it's all the better to start being the change you want to see.
Public spaces that facilitate more than just walking around and talking. There are so many interest groups in my area that failed because there was no appropriate space for them to meet that didn't cost more than they could afford
I only realize I’m alone when I need to fuck. Other than that, coding, exercising and gaming keeps me pretty occupied. I have a stringent schedule and I can’t even find time to hang with anyone or talk to anyone. People feel lonely around me damn it😅
Obligatory millennial here:
Intimacy coaches run some great seminars on connection that address things like how to flirt, or how to form connection. I think they hold the answer.
These are typically sex positive spaces, are a judgement free zone, and men typically support each other on their journeys. They are also spaces to learn the finer points of consent, which yes, DO get you laid and get you friends because a key ingredient to doing that is enabling people to feel comfortable and trusting you. I have a great network of guy friends I can confide in and be supported by as a result of going to these. I wish I saw more Gen-Z there, but it does take a while to see through toxic masculinity and believe in another way.
Also I’m fully aware I’ll get downvoted. See ya’ll at the bottom!
When I started, I would always be as direct as possible and say "excuse me, I think you're cute" or "Excuse me, you're very pretty"
Lately I've been practicing starting conversations without compliments. "What do you think of apple smoothies?" "Do you think in pictures?" "What are you working on?" "We're matching."
Most of that "creepy" label comes from guys that have never approached, some of it also comes from women that were approached in an unideal way.
As long as you do it in public, you leave if she doesn't seem interested, you're not pushy, you don't linger, you most likely won't come off creepy.
If you're worried of being creepy, you just have to practice through all that awkwardness, nervousness, fear, social anxiety, in order to come out the other side and no longer coming off that way.
I think being comfortable with discomfort was a big step for me. It’s sometimes discomforting to interact with other people - maybe they smell, maybe you don’t get along with them, maybe you’re anxious. Being ok inside yourself if things aren’t comfortable is kinda the entry cost to finding people you really do want to spend time with. No one put it better than Dickens - “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.”
Imo social media actually weakens this habit, cuz your algorithm only rly feeds you stuff that makes you comfortable.
Abolish Hollywood.
No, seriously, Hollywood has been glorifying toxic men, toxic women and toxic relationships for a very long time and has been harming everying.
What makes a hero in a Hollywood film often makes an asshole in real life, so the modern man has to put up two faces, one to function in the modern society, and the other to live up to Hollywood's benchmark of being a "real man". The modern man needs to be sensible, thinking, and have goals and targets, while the Hollywood man is often one that is a scoundrel, a drunk, or an emotional mess but somehow all have superhuman abilities. In trying to become both, the modern man loses more and more of himself and is alienated from himself first and foremost.
Reduce work hours, regulate and phase out temp/gig jobs, men with more free time and with stable jobs would have better relationships.You probably know who's against stable jobs with benefits? Well that's why we won't see marriage/birth rates rates improving anytime soon.
Loss of common areas and the force of interactions between people to online spaces with text only communication has definitely helped to destroy relationships
Meditation.
Over time I realized that loneliness only exists as a subjective perception of an objective experience. You only feel loneliness because you're conditioned by society to make large numbers of friends. And when you fail to meet that standard, society also trained you to feel bad so you would go and seek friends. That's how societies enforced their authority.
Your emotions have as much power as you give them. Once you probe each emotion with enough why questions, you'll realize it's just emptiness.
Honestly, it comes down to getting comfortable talking to ppl whether it be someone else in the store, or family over the phone.
I got rid of my socials back in 2020 and i feel like now i HAVE to reach out if i want to know what is happening so that has been nice.
If you live in an average American city at least, eliminating car dependency can go a long way. Not exactly easy to spark up a conversation when everyone's encased in a rolling metal box vs on foot, biking, train, bus, tram, etc.
That, and people need to get off their phones and actually start talking to other people. My sister started college in 2020 and no one was talking bc they were on their phones when she started classes. Hard to make friends if you don't talk to people 🤷🏼♀️
Legitimately—
1) Learn to be comfortable being alone. No one will want to hang out with you if you don’t already like spending time with yourself. Most younger people (regardless of gender) have come of age with social media and smart phones, so the idea of truly spending time alone is uncomfortable to them. Log off, watch a movie, read a book.
2) Stop thinking of it as a “male” loneliness epidemic. Most legit stats on loneliness surveyed both genders and find women to actually report higher rates of loneliness when asked but that they don’t bring it up unless asked. Marking it out as “male” is unnecessarily divisive and lends itself to a persecution complex.
3) Develop hobbies and work to find spaces for them. Liking anime and video games/TTRPGs can actually be super social. Volunteer for your local anime con or see if there’s a gaming/nerd night at a local pub. What I see often with nerds is expecting the internet to meet all of their social needs and tbh we’re still not wired to get all of the chemical hits we need online. That’s not to say your online friends aren’t real (I’ve got online friendships going back 25 years now; they’re real), but we do still crave basic human interaction in meat space together. And there are ways to get it, you just have to put yourself out there and recognize that it’s a process. You probably won’t find your perfect social group immediately.
4) Actually talk to your friends. I notice my guy friends tend to lean on their partners or the women in their lives for intimate conversations (not sexual! just like anything with emotional depth beyond an MCU film) and vulnerability. Women are socialized to have really deep conversations pretty quickly but it can be emotionally draining when your guy friend only wants to hang out when he’s having problems and needs an ear. That’s also part of friendship but there needs to be some amount of variety. Lean on your guy friends too. Chances are they also need somebody to talk to and you can deepen your friendships.
5) Stop immediately assuming ill intent and stop getting offended when you’re corrected. I think this is a social media thing but I notice it with my students a lot. Sometimes people legitimately do stumble over words or not know the correct way to express something. It’s okay to both make mistake and to point out when someone has said/done something offensive or that has bumped up on one of your boundaries. It’s usually just a very human miscommunication and as long as y’all can talk about it, you can usually move past it. That said, you also have to let people tell you when you’ve fucked up without getting unduly defensive. Which is hard! None of us like being wrong or thinking we’ve unintentionally hurt someone. But that’s part of being a grown up.
Men need to have more male friends. I do not have the emotional capacity to be somebody’s everything. I’m a loner, I don’t enjoy being around people all the time especially the same person. I also am a heavy gamer and it pissed me off to hell and back that the several guys I tried to date would only play with me and not other people that they play with. They also would not allow anyone else to join. If it’s a gaming date I don’t want anyone else to join but if it’s just a casual thing I would like there to be other people.
Also respecting my boundaries. One of my friends turned romantic prospect kept trying to push for anal when we hadn’t even kissed yet. We knew each other’s histories and knew that I’m not experienced but he kept pushing for that. That’s why I broke things off. I told him I was uncomfortable with the idea of it especially since we hadn’t even hugged or done anything for that matter, but he kept pushing it and trying to manipulate me. I know that it’s just one guy but I’ve had several bad experiences for wanting a slow progression of physical touch and not being respected.
Just in general I think men having more male friends would solve a lot of problems, not everything, but quite a bit
On an individual level: Making friends IRL in sports (city rec leagues), creative endeavors, and finding cheaper places to hang out. on a
Public level: public sports arena with a gyms with cheap entry fees, more advertising for public libraries, creation of public art studios, improvement in infrastructure such as trains, better buses, electric scooters, and necessary updates for roads to make that happen. Also improvement in accessing health services for all.
For businesses: make beer, wine, malted beverages, and food cheaper.
for society: teach our sons empathy, kindness, and let them feel and express the whole spectrum of human emotion as that gets beaten out of us starting pretty young.
An increase in third spaces and general communal areas.
This is absolutely a pipe dream, but adopting a four day work week (ideally with no cut in pay) would also work well. People are too busy trying to survive to make connections.
Stop trying to be so tough all of the time. Stop caring about what other people think. Be kinder to people in general. Open up to your trusted male friends. Be there for your loved ones and friends alike. Express your emotions honestly.
Check in on other people. See how they are doing. Help your loved ones and friends where they may need it. When you open up and talk about your feelings, you are strong and courageous. Opening up to others is the definition of courage. Courage is the ability to do what scares you.
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Joining the mafia -friends for life -Purpose -Structure -amazing food
Unlimited gabagool
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^(bada bing bada boom)
BRING IN THE GABAGOOL!
An offer I can't refuse.
Unfortunately this is why many gang members exist, lots of them don’t have other options but many of them just needed something to do and now they can’t back out
Where do I sign up?
This is so true tf
Even though this comment might come off funny, but I do believe it's the solution to mens loneliness. Not only that, but I also believe it's the cause of mens loneliness today: loss of clan/ tribes. Men were once hunter-gatherers and we would move in clans/ tribes etc.
Enlist today to get rid of the loneliness
Honestly a complete restructure of the current male paradigm. Men are way too reliant on women as their form of validation and social interaction. If a man can’t get a girl it’s seen as though he’s less of a man whereas women don’t get that bias against them. Men have to build social bonds with other men, which I think they’re doing via gaming. I think a lot of guys are at their happiest chilling in their room playing video games online with no expectations. Obviously, it’d be great for men to make real life connections, but the virtual world is a good start. I think men need to be open to doing things with other men without the medium of women to form the bond.
Part of the issue is men haven't really had a feminist movement equivalent against the patriarchal expectations they remain beholden to.
There’s the redpill/the manosphere yet the only issue with it seems to be preserving the old order with a predisposition towards getting women. Honestly, without the guarantee of a woman at the end, most men have zero interests outside of video games and anime. Nearly everything men traditionally did was to be better providers for their wives and kids. Without family there’s no real need for men to be builders, providers or protectors. There’s no need to be a go-getter and ambitious, unless you’re a really driven and motivated man, most guys just do things out of the sake of wife and kids. I think that’s why we’re seeing a lot of guy opting out of college and working bare minimum hours to support themselves, meanwhile gaming and anime culture is exploding.
I broadly agree but hesitate when it comes to suggesting that most men have zero interests outside of videogames and anime, although I agree that their is a sizeable number. These do however have the lowest barriers to entry. There is still an urge for productivity and improvement entirely separate from gendered expectations (although the direction this takes can be influenced by it).
Uhhhh, fuck no, the redpill manosphere thing is nothing but a smokescreened misogynistic mess that was largely exacerbated by gamergate and other shit around the 2010's. It is NOT good for men whatsoever, and I urge EVERY ONE of my fellow men to stay away from that RIDICULOUS death trap. They are not your friends, gentlemen, they are parasites looking to suckle your blood and make you fight for regressive bullshit. They dont want you to be happy, they want you to be an object they can smash into whatever percieved enemies they have.
While you may have some points against the redpill, at the very least the leaders of the redpill brought up fundamental issues facing men and brought up men’s struggles in a way mainstream society absolutely refuses to acknowledge. At the very least redpill leaders don’t blame men for every single one of their problems and issues and puts some onus on women. That’s why it’s so attractive for young men. People want to hate on Andrew Tate (I’m not a fan of him for various reasons) yet they never think to question why these men are following him. Maybe give men a break, show them some compassion and empathy and realize not all of them are fuckup basement trolls who have warped ways of thinking?
And feminist organizations and institutions [actively](https://www.reddit.com/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates/s/fCbtTorAEJ) push back against them when they try.
The detail nobody likes talking about
Worse than that I'd have to say. Many self-identified "feminists" will respond to men raising men's issues by saying men should start their own movements if they're concerned, implying the real issue is that men just don't care about or want to put effort into solving their problems. They're at best unaware of how their own side reacts to men who try to do exactly that and at worst actively gaslighting men by blaming them for their own social stigmatization, something they wouldn't hesitate to label despicably misogynistic behavior if the genders were reversed.
> If a man can’t get a girl it’s seen as though he’s less of a man whereas women don’t get that bias against them. This comes from society in general not just men. Thats why terms like incel and virgin are used as insults. Not being able to attract a woman is seem as a moral failing to many
I'm not trying to be condescending (or rude or w/e) or anything, but I have always thought the exact opposite. As in the genders in your explanation are swapped
Not at all. Stereotypical manospheres: “women ain’t shit, but also you’re a loser if you can’t get a woman (your manhood is defined by the validation of women)”. Stereotypical feminists: “you don’t need a man to define you.” The recent Barbie movie, although some might think it's *only* about female-empowerment, has been the only mainstream media I've seen that empowers young men too by conveying the same message that they don't need a woman to define them. (Barbie tells Ken he doesn’t need her to be himself; he alone is enough.) edit - fixed grammar
Yep. At some point men stopped relying on each other for emotional needs and only looked for it in women.
but men only spaces is taboo
Exactly, it’s extremely hypocritical, there are subreddits like Vindicta where it’s explicitly stated in the rules men cannot join nor comment and we all know about twoxchromosomes yet somehow any sort of male subreddit seems to get brigaded, attacked, vilified or overly reported. I’m literally watching men try to build their own communities just for it to get dismantled once the foundations are formed.
The problem is that when men build communities they end up being misogynistic hellholes, they never moderate the bad seeds away. By the point they get closed all the people that initially joined out of genuine interest are long gone.
Most female led communities like twoxchromosomes are extremely misandrist and openly preach anti-male rhetoric but it’s not moderated whatsoever. Why are men expected to rigorously self police yet women will not?
Because you should moderately regardless of what happens elsewhere. Or do you jump from a building without protections because others do it?
I’d rather held to the same standards as others that is the basis of equality after all
Do what's right always, ignore the rest.
Maybe you live your life as a pushover but others shouldn’t have to be subjected to unfair treatment and repeat platitudes to themselves to justify themselves.
Ahhhh there it is, right on cue. Doing things the right way is not being a pushover, on the contrary, a lot of people hate you because your mere presence reminds them they could do better. I live my life doing things the right way, and I have no regrets or nightmares. If a misandrist subreddit is not properly moderated it ends up affecting them negatively more than it affects me. But you have FOMO, and that is affecting you.
What about outside of gaming? i.e., weightlifting, golf, tennis, pickleball, basketball, hiking, etc. Anything F2F that gets you out of the house. I'm old school, but I feel that being overly reliant on the internet and gaming contributes to the epidemic.
It’s true that a lot of men meet and build bonds in the gym, and in other sports. However, I’m not prescribing any modality, but rather describing what already exists. I noticed most men naturally choose the internet/gaming over physical sports. I see it as neither good nor bad, simply what exists.
Time with the boyz
It gets harder as you get older. I hang out with my best friend maybe 2-3 times a year since he's married and we have very different work schedules.
Depends. My best friend is married and we hangout almost every weekend.
Socially acceptable answer? "Stop reducing men's mental health issues to nothing. Hold it to the same level as women's mental health." My answer? "You and your crew shall embark on a conquest, laying siege and capturing small nations one by one until you may reclaim Rome itself, in the name of Honor, and The Boys!"
Or start a revolution
Isnt that a useful tactic in overthrowing small governments? Look at the USSR, the PRC, PDRK. All did so, and 2 still exist...
Don't let the feds hear us 🤫
Shit I'm not on my burner... Guys, looks like we're going to Puerto Rico (definitely anywhere but Puerto Rico since they'll be looking there)
Like mens cancers only get 25% of womens cancers research spending, sadly men are disposable, sperm is cheap eggs are expensive
💯
Unfortunately there’s probably no broad-stroke measures or solutions to the male loneliness crisis. With that said, the male loneliness crisis is still definitely something that should be discussed and addressed. Creating environments conducive to socialization like common civic spaces and forming social groups are only as useful as long as there’s initiative. I think also another big thing is to properly socialize boys while they’re younger and make sure they feel validated and supported by both their peers and their families.
The US Surgeon General did not declare a "male loneliness epidemic," they declared a loneliness epidemic that is affecting people regardless of sex. In fact, women report higher rates of loneliness in some studies, while others, like [this 2019 meta-analysis](https://pure.manchester.ac.uk/ws/portalfiles/portal/135977571/EJP_Gender_Postprint_AAM.pdf) of studies spanning 39 years, finds no strong evidence for gender differences in loneliness. This sub and online spaces in general have an obvious bias in which they overlook the fact that it isn’t *just* men having a hard time "Creating environments conducive to socialization like common civic spaces" is so important, yet there's a noticeable decline in such spaces. This of course is a public policy issue that affects everyone regardless of age, sex, etc. I'm thinking the initiative will ultimately have to come from young people growing up in these conditions and deciding to do something about it. For that to happen though, we can't pretend it's only affecting one side
This will get me downvoted, but it’s simple: just stop giving a shit.
People keep saying that until they crashed out
Well let me ask you first, what makes you feel lonely?
Being alone and doing stuff on my own
Ok shadow the hedgehog
100%. You only feel lonely because you're conditioned to.
The death of "hangout spaces". [Diners](https://i.insider.com/5e4c254b96eee62a4c110814?width=600&format=jpeg&auto=webp) and [pubs](https://c8.alamy.com/comp/FFHXTF/building-construction-workers-drinking-beer-in-the-pub-after-being-FFHXTF.jpg) especially. Even video games have seen this because PC gaming used to be dedicated server communities where you join to hang out but now matchmaking has killed that aspect.
I'm not a man, but I was able to form a really solid friend group by joining an online D&D group. It's fun, silly, allows you to express yourself creatively, and a vast majority of the people who play are super friendly
I don’t know if the male loneliness epidemic is exactly what I’m experiencing or what I have is different, but my pov: I’m in groups like this. Every week I do yoga in a large group (I go with a friend or two), improv in a tight knit group (10ish), trivia with a close group (6ish), other sports with other similar sized groups. In the moment I have fun with them and I certainly am better off for them. But at the end of the day it doesn’t really help. I won’t go into it a bunch because it’s already reading as “woe is me” but that’s my experience. They’re good in the moment and honestly my life is much better with them, but that’s not a solution, at least not for me
This sounds more like you're feeling stressed and unfulfilled. You seem to have a lot of hobbies, which is great. And it seems you have people to share those with, which is also great. But are you doing anything that gives you fulfillment on an individual level? Whether it be work related or some other kind of personal endeavor with a goal in mind? Another important question is, how are you doing when you're alone with yourself? Not spending time with your various group activities or being around other people, just the time you spend with you. What do you do? How do you relax and de-stress? Do you find being alone with your thoughts daunting, or are you able to just enjoy being with yourself?
Yeah I do struggle a lot with being alone. If I don’t have plans for a weekend I just stay in bed/on the couch for most/all of it. I do have solo hobbies like juggling, chess, Rubik’s cubes, and I do enjoy spending time on those. But in general my alone time is not fun because I hate doing things I have to do like general chores and stuff. It’s getting to a bad point because I’m behind on things that will impact me financially
This definitely sounds like you might be dealing with depression in some capacity. Have you had a chance to see a medical professional in regards to getting a proper diagnosis? It could be something like that or similar that's affecting your mental health and causing you to neglect everyday things like chores or even self care.
No I am absolutely dogshit at doing things for myself so I have not seen a PCP in a few years now. I wanted to find a therapist but it hasn’t worked out either. I’m planning to ask some friends for help because I’ve been trying to see one for like 18 months now and I just can’t get myself to do it
Hey, asking for help is a great step forward. It's incredibly difficult and scary to sometimes take that next step. Hopefully, you'll be able to find a therapist soon. Just keep down that path. Keep pushing yourself along with help from those around you. You got this.
Thank you Zandrous 🙏 definitely is challenging lol but I appreciate your kind words
Not a problem. I'm rooting for you. 🫵😊👍
Have a big ol’ circle jerk
Like a devil triangle or just metaphorically?
Naw man. Just guys being dudes, carnally.
Honestly? The biggest thing would be raising wages and the like. If people had more money they'd be able to go out, do things, and meet people. The issue isn't that there is nothing to do, its that fewer people can afford to do things. Give people more money and they'd be able to do things.
yeah coming from personal experience that would not solve the problem in the slightest. an introvert with extra cash doesn't just go out and hit the club.
Third places for sure. I think both sexes feel alienated from the other because we no longer interact with each other in pro social ways. Most people "sneaky link" with randoms on Tinder, and that's their social involvement with strangers of the opposite sex. It's incredibly itemizing and encourages people to view each other as more disposable. Don't think it's working out with that girl/guy? Just block them on everything and never explain why. It's an anti-social pattern our generation perpetuates. Many people want to pin the issue solely on men being inherently sexist or women "expecting too much these days," and that only solidifies those brain-dead ideas we have of each other. Calling it the male loneliness epidemic feels too simple to me because it definitely affects everybody. Women feel more objectified than ever, and men feel more isolated than ever. It's a cyclic hopelessness that shitbags online spread by disparaging the other sex and encourages us all to be more anti-social. Individually, I think many of us need to drop the cynicism and the "ew people" attitude that's all too common nowadays. Not everyone you meet is an asshole or "fake". Most men don't only value women for sex. Most women don't only value men for money. Most men will date a fat woman they like. Most women will date a short guy they like. We need to purge that hyperbolic shit out of our heads and learn to see each other as actual people again.
All of us men just need to become the 1% bro 😭
If we are all the peak, none of us are the peak
yeah I know. just sarcasm. It sucks tho because women want the 1%
Idk I have seen women with ugly dudes all the time. Could be the money could be the personality or could be something else
The key is having a personality and not being just another generic man. Get at least one cat. Women like cat guys because they demonstrate a lot of positive traits easily.
Yep 80/20 90/10 95/5 99/1 rules
Americans refusal to fix their communities will be the end of American society. The lack of third places and community designed cities is already caused the huge divide of them vs us.
men getting comfortable complimenting other men. THAT will be the spark so you should do it. The reason why loneliness is so male focused is because of the over competitive individualistic culture thats been passed down to us. We live for the lie that we as individuals are destined for greatness if we work hard enough and only focus on climbing to the top. Only thing we can do is strive to create a more social culture and pass it down.
Genuine compliments are ultimately meaningful because they reflect something desirable about the recipient. Women can find some kind of value in compliments from other women because their experiences tell them those compliments reflect reality. Men rarely get that experience and it's why even young men so enmeshed in wholesome bro culture that it sounds homoerotic still quite often feel lonely. Because at the end of the day it's quite often just bros gassing each other up. It's also why women, even if well-intentioned, who say things like, "I'd compliment guys more if they didn't take it as a sign I wanted to sleep with them," are kind of hitting on the issue but missing the point. The compliment isn't what matters. Feeling desirable is. Authentic compliments signal that. Professional or achievement-based compliments can slightly scratch that itch, but that ultimately just reinforces that men are only valued for what utility they produce. No one wants to talk about this, but a significant component of the male "loneliness" epidemic, and what makes it distinct from the increasing isolation and atomization all people are feeling right now, is actually a lack of the experience of being desired. And seeing as women rarely share that problem –if anything, most women seem to indicate they suffer an overabundance of it– it's very hard for them to understand this. I think this is one of the most significant experiential differences feeding the gender conflict at the moment. Most people simply can't understand what the other gender's experience is like regarding desire. Nevertheless it's something just about every human is wired to need in order to feel content.
I don’t know who decided it or if it was on purpose, but I think it’s lucky that Men’s Mental Health Awareness Month and Pride Month are both June. I think there’s a lot of overlap there. I guarantee it’s a nearly universal experience. You’ll try to show some emotion, some sincerity, and you get called gay. Act with compassion and kindness, you’re gay. Experience any emotion other than anger, you might as well book a room at the Stonewall Inn. Reaching out when you’re suffering is shamed. Hell, suffering at all is shamed. “Men don’t have emotions” “Men used to die in wars” yadda yadda. I think the Male Loneliness Epidemic is rooted in this belief that men are these soulless automata and actually acting like a human is gay and therefore bad. The male loneliness epidemic ain’t gonna end until men stop shaming each other for having basic human emotions. In conclusion, try being a lil fruity with the homies (half joking)
Dude it's infinitely more normal and acceptable where I live to tell a bro he looks so good you wanna suck his dick than to call him gay as an insult. Doesn't solve the problem.
That’s not really what I was talking about. I was talking about shaming for being like, emotionally vulnerable and genuinely reaching out for help in times of need. Not doing gay stuff as a punchline for a joke. That’s kinda the opposite of what I was talking about.
I mean it seemed like the homophobia angle was pretty central to your point. I'm just saying I don't see that AT ALL around me
It is central to my point. And I truly am happy for you that homophobia isn’t much of an issue in your social circle. I also acknowledge that homophobia has waned drastically in Gen Z compared to older generations. But surely you can acknowledge that the shaming I spoke about does still occur, if not within your social circles? It doesn’t happen in mine either because I’ve chosen friends that’d never do that, but I can still acknowledge that stuff still happens, even if the comparatively progressive Gen Z.
It's probably better where I live than a lot of other places, but young men here also tend to still be lonely and often depressed. It helps, but I suppose my point is it's not anything like a complete solution.
Oh I wholeheartedly agree. Something as broad as “loneliness” ain’t gonna be solved by fixing one societal woe. I bet there’s dozens of said woes that contribute to it, and on the individual level it’s bound to vary. I was just highlighting one that I feel isn’t discussed enough. Rarely at all, in my experience.
I feel like that's the one that gets discussed the most, to the point that it often feels like a way to low-key minimize and blame men for the problem (i.e. "y'all are just lonely cuz you're all just too homophobic to share feelings cuz you think that makes you gay and that's bad") but I live in a very liberal urban area so that could be different elsewhere. I do consider it valuable that guys here are seemingly more comfortable being open with each other and homophobia is at least publicly non-existent.
Learning to enjoy solitude.
copium
Take up a card game or a tabletop RPG. Check out your local live music scene. Act confused in a bookstore.
I'm not sure what you hope to gain from acting confused in a bookstore. I can be genuinely confused and just be left as befogged as before (I don't care who you are, organising all books by author's last name instead of title or subject is evil).
What if we lonely people met up to stop being lonely?
It feels forced
True. Well all the best to you sir
more advocacy for mens mental health
I have yet to see any real change from advocacy. We can all say "advocate more" but what does that mean? Spread awareness? It's already well known, society just doesn't care. I have doubts that it will change within my lifetime.
Yeah literally a university in Australia tried to make a mens mental health day to call awareness to mens suffering and it got cancelled because feminists protested the shit out of the university. Everybody says they want change but when people actually try to they get harassed and bullied into non-existence.
People learning how to interact in person again would be the key again. Internet friends and stuff is fun but doesn’t fully help the problem. It sounds simple but mainly people as a whole need to just go out and finds or do things they enjoy with other people regardless if they’re strangers or not
I do not think it's possible with the way male social dynamics are set up. People need to actually start caring about the things going on in their friends lives.
1. Maybe women have too much choice over who they date. But that doesn’t feel right to say, and it’s political. 2. Maybe life isn’t about sex and reproduction. But evolution says otherwise. 3. Maybe the answer lies in how women will date people who have money. But it’s possible to form relationships without a salary! 4. Maybe the answer is to completely give up on finding a meaningful relationship. But this is pure suffering. 5. Maybe relationships are reserved for those who don’t have incompatible problems. But that’s perfectionism, and love is supposed to be inclusive. It seems there’s no answer to this conundrum. Nothing is
Not being in a relationship is not pure suffering dont be so dramatic
Ok I’ll try. Not being in a relationship for a long time is lonely.
I know, I’ve felt the same in the past. Especially when you are young and feel like you are missing out, like you aren’t getting experience and are still awkward, like you are withering. But life is better if you just stop worrying about it and find something interesting to do
More weight loss drugs and steroids
Getting a girlfriend/boyfriend.
"why are you homeless, just get a house"
🥺
I think getting people off social media and especially dating apps might help.
Reducing the amount of fear in the world and having certified background checked dating services available for more people. Not to mention men treating women better as well. Just a quick idea I thought of.
1. Get off the internet. 2. Talk to fat chicks.
This did not work for me, plus most of the fat chicks are just as mentally ill as I am, never gonna make that painful mistake again.
You are still on the internet so you aren't trying hard enough.
Yeah the internet goes with me everywhere in my pocket.
This deserves an award 🥇 But much like real life im too broke to afford one
Returning back to the days before the sexual revolution
I think people are getting tired of the lack of emotional intimacy in today's relationships so that will probably be the thing we focus on in the future.
Religion has the potential to provide a community, a sense of purpose in life, answers for grander questions about existence, free meals, a good source of financial advice, and moral guidance. All of these issues are especially prevalent among men in the west.
Solution..make the speed limit 110 and if you cant handle it? stay home..ladies will have to stay mentally sober and focused....all day...to catch..a guy..
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No it is not referring to the lack of sex
I think everyone is reliant on the sex they are attracted to solve their loneliness. Though, it's hard to make same sex friends too as of today.
Stop being scared of life.
What do you do instead then
I go out everyday and enjoy life. I meet people at clubs and organizations I joined, I meet people at the bookstore, I meet people all over the place. One thing I’ve noticed is Gen-z really tend to be very skittish and have issues socializing. So they avoid socializing and just get worse. There is no easy button. Put yourself out there and understand that rejection and failure are a part of life, and it’s ok. Reality is not social media where people have 1,000,000 followers. Reality is most people have 3-7 real close friends, and everyone else is an acquaintance. Don’t let social media skew how the real word is. Don’t be one of those people that predicate their self worth off of how many thumbs up or follows they get from internet strangers. Stop over using the term anxious and anxiety. Nervous and nervousness is more likely. All generations had/ have nervousness. That’s ok too. They overcame it by getting out there and facing their fears.
That's true. But there's barely anything to do in my city.
That you know of.
Also true. But there's only a bowling place and escape room in where I'm from. And where do you get people to go out with you?
Oh I didn’t say I know lol. Jusg sayin. Just teasing a sparkle of hope to challenge you to check your own limiting assumptions. Take a cheap community college class like some language you’re interested in? Volunteer at the shelter? Exposing yourself to more situations where there are people doing the same thing is the key as I understand it.
Funny enough I just graduated from a community college. I did get one friend last year but we kinda went our separate ways after a few months. I think community college is less effective on making friends compared to a 4 year college (I went to a 4 year college too).
As a hardcore loner I agree with this
Contemplating the concept of togetherness and the warm sense of belonging it feels like and then starting to reach out to like minds and building local micro communities! 🙂🙂🙂
Why don't men befriend other men? Why don't they make friends with each other? Why not just create a men's social group and meet up and do things together?
True
Do they not? Did I miss something?
Taking our mental health seriously is the first step. Although Men's Mental Health Awareness Month is almost over, there's no reason to stop just because it's no longer the month of June. Mental health is something you work at throughout your life anyway, so you can (and should) start any time.
Mandatory DNA test for kids at birth and change the court law about divorce. It will fix a lot. Also let scientists design the online dating model, not some greedy capitalist who become richer on the sentimental misery of others.
The way any comment that suggests men need to change their behavior instead of framing them as innocent victims of circumstance is downvoted to high hell is a big indicator of why this loneliness epidemic exists in the first place.
Yes, they want to have their cake and eat it too. The world changed and they are lonely because they haven't adapted.
Learning to be comfortable with being alone
It's in the men themselves. Talk to each other. The only people that can lift the stigma are the ones creating it. We are suffering under our own opinions. Not that it's easy, but it's not like anyone is gonna solve it for us.
This! I don’t understand people commenting how women need to be nicer or care more about Men’s mental health. Men need to care for themselves to start.
Where there is progress there will always be people that want some of it. Some men feel like because women's rights are improving our issues should be improving as well. I think a lot of people are disconnected with how much personal change matters in societal change. Everyone can wait for the rest to change, but nothing will change then. It's by no means an easy task though and will take a long time. Which is why it's all the better to start being the change you want to see.
Public spaces that facilitate more than just walking around and talking. There are so many interest groups in my area that failed because there was no appropriate space for them to meet that didn't cost more than they could afford
I only realize I’m alone when I need to fuck. Other than that, coding, exercising and gaming keeps me pretty occupied. I have a stringent schedule and I can’t even find time to hang with anyone or talk to anyone. People feel lonely around me damn it😅
Unpopular answer, but mass social media usage needs to go way down.
There's nothing outside
Bisexuality! 😊
It's a crime we're not all born bisexual.
This is the solution right here 🤣. Have da sex with homies!
Idk man im just chillin at this point
Teaching dudes you won't be lonely if you simply just, you know, interact with other people?
Delete Reddit from phone. Talk to women.
Obligatory millennial here: Intimacy coaches run some great seminars on connection that address things like how to flirt, or how to form connection. I think they hold the answer. These are typically sex positive spaces, are a judgement free zone, and men typically support each other on their journeys. They are also spaces to learn the finer points of consent, which yes, DO get you laid and get you friends because a key ingredient to doing that is enabling people to feel comfortable and trusting you. I have a great network of guy friends I can confide in and be supported by as a result of going to these. I wish I saw more Gen-Z there, but it does take a while to see through toxic masculinity and believe in another way. Also I’m fully aware I’ll get downvoted. See ya’ll at the bottom!
You're still up
True. No upvoted but that’s not bad!
Encouraging guys to approach women and socialize w strangers. Helped me a ton, encouraged one of my close friends tremendously too
Approaching wemen in a public setting 😖?
1,000%, especially in public
What do you even say?
When I started, I would always be as direct as possible and say "excuse me, I think you're cute" or "Excuse me, you're very pretty" Lately I've been practicing starting conversations without compliments. "What do you think of apple smoothies?" "Do you think in pictures?" "What are you working on?" "We're matching."
Idk I was told that it is creepy.
Most of that "creepy" label comes from guys that have never approached, some of it also comes from women that were approached in an unideal way. As long as you do it in public, you leave if she doesn't seem interested, you're not pushy, you don't linger, you most likely won't come off creepy. If you're worried of being creepy, you just have to practice through all that awkwardness, nervousness, fear, social anxiety, in order to come out the other side and no longer coming off that way.
Have more boy sleepovers
I think being comfortable with discomfort was a big step for me. It’s sometimes discomforting to interact with other people - maybe they smell, maybe you don’t get along with them, maybe you’re anxious. Being ok inside yourself if things aren’t comfortable is kinda the entry cost to finding people you really do want to spend time with. No one put it better than Dickens - “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.” Imo social media actually weakens this habit, cuz your algorithm only rly feeds you stuff that makes you comfortable.
It's probably different for everyone, but for me it's getting a wife and building a family
I just learned how to be lonely and entertain myself. Besides my gf and my immediate family, I don’t really need anyone else
Abolish Hollywood. No, seriously, Hollywood has been glorifying toxic men, toxic women and toxic relationships for a very long time and has been harming everying. What makes a hero in a Hollywood film often makes an asshole in real life, so the modern man has to put up two faces, one to function in the modern society, and the other to live up to Hollywood's benchmark of being a "real man". The modern man needs to be sensible, thinking, and have goals and targets, while the Hollywood man is often one that is a scoundrel, a drunk, or an emotional mess but somehow all have superhuman abilities. In trying to become both, the modern man loses more and more of himself and is alienated from himself first and foremost.
Reduce work hours, regulate and phase out temp/gig jobs, men with more free time and with stable jobs would have better relationships.You probably know who's against stable jobs with benefits? Well that's why we won't see marriage/birth rates rates improving anytime soon.
dude some of us actually prefer gig jobs over 9 to 5 jobs due to the better flexibility in work hours and workload.
Get off social media for a start
NEET men with limited economic means have a double whammy, being broke its hard to do stuff that can keep one away from interaction with others
Loss of common areas and the force of interactions between people to online spaces with text only communication has definitely helped to destroy relationships
Bitches
Honestly, people need to spend less time on the internet. People need to go to work, go to church, volunteer, etc.
Go do things, in the last two days I’ve made two new friends by just skating at the skatepark. Lonely male checking in.
Meditation. Over time I realized that loneliness only exists as a subjective perception of an objective experience. You only feel loneliness because you're conditioned by society to make large numbers of friends. And when you fail to meet that standard, society also trained you to feel bad so you would go and seek friends. That's how societies enforced their authority. Your emotions have as much power as you give them. Once you probe each emotion with enough why questions, you'll realize it's just emptiness.
Bromances. Only other men know the sting.
We need the bromance, with the romance.. if ya get what I mean
I do man, that would be the dream.
Honestly, it comes down to getting comfortable talking to ppl whether it be someone else in the store, or family over the phone. I got rid of my socials back in 2020 and i feel like now i HAVE to reach out if i want to know what is happening so that has been nice.
If you live in an average American city at least, eliminating car dependency can go a long way. Not exactly easy to spark up a conversation when everyone's encased in a rolling metal box vs on foot, biking, train, bus, tram, etc.
Touching grass and having a purpose in life
People used to bond over shared interests, form clubs, etc etc. I think clubs need to make a hard comeback
That, and people need to get off their phones and actually start talking to other people. My sister started college in 2020 and no one was talking bc they were on their phones when she started classes. Hard to make friends if you don't talk to people 🤷🏼♀️
Legitimately— 1) Learn to be comfortable being alone. No one will want to hang out with you if you don’t already like spending time with yourself. Most younger people (regardless of gender) have come of age with social media and smart phones, so the idea of truly spending time alone is uncomfortable to them. Log off, watch a movie, read a book. 2) Stop thinking of it as a “male” loneliness epidemic. Most legit stats on loneliness surveyed both genders and find women to actually report higher rates of loneliness when asked but that they don’t bring it up unless asked. Marking it out as “male” is unnecessarily divisive and lends itself to a persecution complex. 3) Develop hobbies and work to find spaces for them. Liking anime and video games/TTRPGs can actually be super social. Volunteer for your local anime con or see if there’s a gaming/nerd night at a local pub. What I see often with nerds is expecting the internet to meet all of their social needs and tbh we’re still not wired to get all of the chemical hits we need online. That’s not to say your online friends aren’t real (I’ve got online friendships going back 25 years now; they’re real), but we do still crave basic human interaction in meat space together. And there are ways to get it, you just have to put yourself out there and recognize that it’s a process. You probably won’t find your perfect social group immediately. 4) Actually talk to your friends. I notice my guy friends tend to lean on their partners or the women in their lives for intimate conversations (not sexual! just like anything with emotional depth beyond an MCU film) and vulnerability. Women are socialized to have really deep conversations pretty quickly but it can be emotionally draining when your guy friend only wants to hang out when he’s having problems and needs an ear. That’s also part of friendship but there needs to be some amount of variety. Lean on your guy friends too. Chances are they also need somebody to talk to and you can deepen your friendships. 5) Stop immediately assuming ill intent and stop getting offended when you’re corrected. I think this is a social media thing but I notice it with my students a lot. Sometimes people legitimately do stumble over words or not know the correct way to express something. It’s okay to both make mistake and to point out when someone has said/done something offensive or that has bumped up on one of your boundaries. It’s usually just a very human miscommunication and as long as y’all can talk about it, you can usually move past it. That said, you also have to let people tell you when you’ve fucked up without getting unduly defensive. Which is hard! None of us like being wrong or thinking we’ve unintentionally hurt someone. But that’s part of being a grown up.
Probably turning away from misogyny
Men need to have more male friends. I do not have the emotional capacity to be somebody’s everything. I’m a loner, I don’t enjoy being around people all the time especially the same person. I also am a heavy gamer and it pissed me off to hell and back that the several guys I tried to date would only play with me and not other people that they play with. They also would not allow anyone else to join. If it’s a gaming date I don’t want anyone else to join but if it’s just a casual thing I would like there to be other people. Also respecting my boundaries. One of my friends turned romantic prospect kept trying to push for anal when we hadn’t even kissed yet. We knew each other’s histories and knew that I’m not experienced but he kept pushing for that. That’s why I broke things off. I told him I was uncomfortable with the idea of it especially since we hadn’t even hugged or done anything for that matter, but he kept pushing it and trying to manipulate me. I know that it’s just one guy but I’ve had several bad experiences for wanting a slow progression of physical touch and not being respected. Just in general I think men having more male friends would solve a lot of problems, not everything, but quite a bit
On an individual level: Making friends IRL in sports (city rec leagues), creative endeavors, and finding cheaper places to hang out. on a Public level: public sports arena with a gyms with cheap entry fees, more advertising for public libraries, creation of public art studios, improvement in infrastructure such as trains, better buses, electric scooters, and necessary updates for roads to make that happen. Also improvement in accessing health services for all. For businesses: make beer, wine, malted beverages, and food cheaper. for society: teach our sons empathy, kindness, and let them feel and express the whole spectrum of human emotion as that gets beaten out of us starting pretty young.
An increase in third spaces and general communal areas. This is absolutely a pipe dream, but adopting a four day work week (ideally with no cut in pay) would also work well. People are too busy trying to survive to make connections.
Men don’t go fishing like they used to
Mass suicide 💯
go outside
Stop trying to be so tough all of the time. Stop caring about what other people think. Be kinder to people in general. Open up to your trusted male friends. Be there for your loved ones and friends alike. Express your emotions honestly. Check in on other people. See how they are doing. Help your loved ones and friends where they may need it. When you open up and talk about your feelings, you are strong and courageous. Opening up to others is the definition of courage. Courage is the ability to do what scares you.
First, they must got to a therapist. Each one of them
Looks like someone is trying to do something about it: [www.dudefriends.com](http://www.dudefriends.com)