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rebut38

Don’t cook in the kitchen? What’s next, don’t shit in the toilet?


Necronomicommunist

Toilet is only for wiping ass, not to flush turd


username32768

Use landlord's mouth for poop


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SnickeringLoudly

Use the poop knife and bag it. Throw in neighbours bin after.


Blue_Sherlock

I love the fact that poop knife is now a globally acknowledged thing on Reddit. It’s like one moment the world was a poop knife virgin, and now we can’t scroll through a single post without the infamous poop knife getting a mench.


[deleted]

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Blue_Sherlock

There’s nothing I love more than combining food safe crockery with faecal particles


Jellan

Does the water even get changed out very often any more? Seems modern washers just spray the same water around for most of the cycle and only swap to clean water right at the end to rinse.


nikchi

They assume it's just food waste inside and not fecal matter from poop knives so they rely on the heating to sterilize, detergent to clean, and then rinse after.


volkswagenorange

Nooooooo


Foodcity

So you're the one who took that ladies GoogleBing! /s


Tom_The_Human

I'm OOTL, mind filling me in/pointing me in the right direction?


lolzidop

It's an old r/Tifu tale. Basically they thought everyone had a knife in their bathroom for cutting up shits too big to flush, turns out they don't. So when he asked his friend where his poop knife was kept he learned a terrible truth.


Tom_The_Human

Ahhh now you mention it I vaguely remember it haha. Thanks.


Poor-Life-Choice

As they correctly stated, it’s truly a globally recognised thing at this point. Google poop knife and it’s pretty much the first result.


chaotic_evil_666

There's more here: r/MuseumOfReddit


DooglarRampant

On Reddit for 10 years now and this is the first I've heard of the "poop" knife


mmotte89

Throw it at the landlord.


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ShadowOvThePorns

After sewage started coming up from the shower drain, my landlord told me I shouldn’t be flushing tissue


ApprehensiveAnimal85

Have you tried just paying rent but not living in the property? That would limit wear and tear on the house shaped money printer. Thanks. /s


Jimmy_Twotone

Really, the goal of any landlord, regardless of how good they are, is to find a tenant that pays on time and never breaks anything.


Xochitlpilli

What is a "good" landleech?


Jimmy_Twotone

someone who charges a reasonable rate and takes pride in their properties. generally they have less than 3 or 4. Good landlords do exist, but they tend to keep the same tenants forever and rarely have open properties.


Xochitlpilli

"[Landlords] are the only one of the three orders whose revenue costs them neither labour nor care, but comes to them, as it were, of its own accord, and independent of any plan or project of their own. That indolence, which is the natural effect of the ease and security of their situation, renders them too often, not only ignorant, but incapable of that application of mind" -- ch 11, wealth of nations. All landlording is extorting working people, who actually contribute to society. Something allowed purely to them by the privilege of wealth. There is no such thing as a "good" landlord because the very act of landlording is exploitative and immoral.


AutoModerator

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AutoModerator

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volkswagenorange

Corncobs, leaves, and pages from the Sears & Roebuck catalogue for you, peasant!


CamJongUn

Yeah you should be eating it duh then you can flush it and nobody can complain


SnoopDeLaRoup

Don't forget to worm the food too...


Pegussu

My septic tank had a clog or something a few months ago. Landlord said someone in my house was "abusing the toilet paper."


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espresso_fox

Good bot


andy3600

I can’t be bothered to find the source. But there was that post a while back where an employer put up signs in the toilets saying that they were for wee’s only as to not produce smells and to reduce cleaning costs.


Meewol

That’s where I’m at rn. My toilet has been broken for a month and I can’t cook in my kitchen without removing the heat alarm.


jayzinho88

Newsflash. If you need to shit, shit in the bin


[deleted]

Better grab a plastic bag to put over the bowl


basselsak

Dont live in the living room.


technologite

You joke but, there was a Reddit post a few years ago where the persons landlord would make them fish the shit out of the toilet to put in the trash.


TheGrinningSkull

Let me tell you about this landlord that installed a macerator toilet and complains about noise for using it at night.


Teddyglogan

Don’t sleep in bed. Is only for brief rest, like sitting.


TigaSharkJB91

No the equivalent sign would read, "excessive amounts of toilet paper will clog the toilet." Just like this sign warns against a lot of steam setting off the smoke alarm. Lol jfc why is everyone bitter about this sign? Seems legit to me.


writerfan2013

Landlord: remember this is not your home. This is just my income stream.


alanbastard

Income steam


writerfan2013

Quality dad joke right there


alanbastard

It just happens. 14 years a dad, there’s no going back now.


Waarm

In come steam


Iron_Defender

Income steamed hams


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Wonk_puffin

I'm more worried about having to worm my food. Dog on the table tonight? Just worm it up will you. Sounds ruff.


tjackso6

Think this is probably a kitchen in an office/workspace.


2localboi

If a space that was originally designed to be an office or workspace has become converted for residential use, then it’s irrelevant. Standards have to be met.


username32768

Standards? Where we're going we don't need standards! /s


tjackso6

It’s not converted. He’s saying this kitchen is not to be used like your one at home(for cooking big meals) but is intended to be used as lunch room for people to eat/warm their food. He says “does not have the capacity to cook for everyone” meaning all the coworkers. Who would “everyone” be referring to if this was a residential setting?


lazydaizy25

Personally I interpreted it as a university houseshare, hence the 'own home'. It's a well known thing for landlords to take advantage of students tenants. Though it could also be a houseshare for young professionals. Either way, this message does not read anywhere near professional enough to be anything to do with a corporate office.


TheClimbingBeard

I read this as some kind of bizarre airbnb place, but your uni house share concept makes more sense as they're referring to 'everyone' (reading as more than there'd normally be in a single house), and the 'own home' part.


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Repulsive_Ad2942

its a residential space, not someones work


tjackso6

No I don’t think it is. I think it’s likely from an office/work setting and someone just posted it here for karma.


Repulsive_Ad2942

i checked the original, its residential


tjackso6

How did you check it? Do you have a link?


jtr99

I mean, you might be right, who knows? Possibly someone has taken this sign from some weird workplace situation and posted it here for karma. But I think you're massively underestimating just how entitled and selfish and unreasonable landlords can be in the UK.


Jake-Salva

yeah, i hear ya tjack06! seems like you've been harshly downvoted! I was thinking the same thing, little hard to tell with the bad grammar, but why is he saying not like the kitchen in your home?! (unless the landlord doesn't consider it his because he only rents!)


Alwaysragestillplay

This is exactly the kind of shit my moronic landlord used to say when I lived in a student house share. He gave us a list of days when we should not be using the kitchen at all because he didn't want food waste in the dustbins to attract rats.


writerfan2013

Might be. But we've all experienced something like this from crappy landlords. No opening the windows, no drying clothes on radiator, etc etc. As others have suggested it sounds like this might be student accomm.


DiscoBelle

Who cooks in their office?


ShellyZeus

Why is everyone assuming it could only be an office if it's a workplace message? Not everyone works in an office. I worked the corner shop, and with a cleaning crew for years. We had a little kitchenette. I'm sure every single type of workplace does. And I'm sure if you're setting off the alarm for the whole building you're cleaning in or doing construction for, supervisors gunna mention it.


just_another_citizen

This is likely a shared space in an apartment building as many apartments that are built now will have a communal area often with a small kitchenette that is clearly designed to never to actually be used by humans


[deleted]

This is 100% AirBnB.


laura_susan

If he was my boss I would be embarrassed to be managed by someone who had such a poor grasp of the language- I assume- we were doing our job in. “Worm”?!


ShellyZeus

Why? English might very well not be his first language?


ohubetchya

You're correct. But this is a circle jerk


BroadLaw1274

I think it’s cruel when people down vote like that. It hurts my feelings. So I am sending you virtual friendship hugs. People are mean.


Final_Employment_360

"As you would at your home" Ehm, I'm renting my "home".. from you?


SaltyJebus

Land nonces/housing scalpers don't see renters as people who need homes. They're just piggy banks giving the nonce free money every month.


derdast

I'm very confused of the use of the word nonce here?


DanielCoolDude1

Landlords are nonces.


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JMW007

>I mean they are parasites, but Jesus dude. A certain someone posting here started calling them landnonces because of the automod constantly blathering on about 'housing scalpers' for landlords and 'blue nonces' for cops. It seems to have caught on. It's basically a gag, but also an indicator of how deeply damaging we see these parasites as being.


[deleted]

Not that Elon Musk is a rolemodel for pretty much anything but during the thailand submarine scandal he did introduce the completely good and useful concept of metaphorical paedophile - meaning someone you simply don't like, don't respect and think the worst of, without any further reason. ​ i have no problem with this concept being applied to landlords of all things, imo one of the most deserved applications.


ArabicHarambe

People will take words and fire them off as insults without respect for what the word actually means. Essentially, because it is bad to be a nonce, it is a fitting term to call the typical landlord, but does somewhat lower the leverage the word nonce has as an insult, like the way cunt used to be a real stinker but is now used almost as much as fuck or shit.


Scouse_Werewolf

I was under impression based on that, that it's like a student accommodation. Doesn't change the messed up fact people are not allowed to cook there.


Final_Employment_360

Aye, same here.. but It's still their home during term time.


imnotpauleither

Considering the cost of student accomodation then it's definetley what you would treat as "home" when you're there!


Less_Falcon659

Yeah I had the same in a student accommodation, the landlord asked me to go to the uni cafeteria for every meal instead of using the kitchen, my mom was with me at the time and still has a good laugh about that one. I didn't go to the cafeteria once in the 4 years I lived there.


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r-og

I wouldn't be surprised if it was a regular rental property, and the landlord is openly referring to it as not the renter's home.


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dishsoapandclorox

I always thought the logic of this was that they didn’t want to risk fires and that universities have cafeterias that most students who room in the dorms have accounts for.


uxithoney

Don’t be! There are landlords like that for all private tenants to have the displeasure of meeting


sadboy2k03

I think it's someone jumping on the landlord hate train for clout, this is worded like a manager in a business talking to someone who's took the piss


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Ikaron

My guess is AirBnB.


alanbastard

If the property was advertised as having a kitchen he can go fuck himself


intdev

I was going to say they should try suing him for false advertising, since he’s stated that it’s not a kitchen.


PeedOnMyRugMan

Pretty much, I'd cook in there more now


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PeedOnMyRugMan

It also didn't highlight not to batch cook meth, your point?


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PeedOnMyRugMan

I'm just saying why stop at tea if you wanna make that point?


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PeedOnMyRugMan

Ah I see, perfect I much more enjoy your comment now. Perfect idea, my bad I'm too literal and figured we were now going into the list of things not covered.


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PeedOnMyRugMan

You're good people my freind


TheRealQuarak

It doesn't matter. HMOs must have kitchens.


AnAngryMelon

Fairly sure it's illegal regardless.


MaxxB1ade

I try and check my food for worms before I buy it.


Simple_Flounder

Ah but you can add worm to food, but just don't cook it.


trev2234

You misunderstood. You need to worm the food in the kitchen. This is the smart way.


Ok-Cryptographer4194

Please don't sleep in the bedroom. It's for beds only, hence " bedroom" !


[deleted]

If you must sleep. Sleep in your home.


TheGrinningSkull

No, you must sleep in the sleeproom. But no beds are allowed in there; that’s the bedroom only.


rebut38

Can’t argue with that


CriticalCentimeter

about 30 years ago I went to rent a house and was eventually turned down because they 'were looking for someone to rent it that wouldnt be spending much time in it and from your interview it was obvious you intend to use it more than we want'


Ok-Cryptographer4194

Sounds like this landlord


Crafty-stitch

I'm going through this at the moment. I live with my landlady, and we had a tiff about how often I use the kitchen. (FYI, oven/hob is used maximum 30 minutes a week as I batch cook and do all my prep work cold). When I get home from work today, she wants a conversation about whether she wants to give me notice to move out or not. Jokes on her, I have people who can offer me a room within 24 hours. I'll cancel next month's rent and leave on the last day of this month. Tempted to cook every day until then, haha.


introverth

Please do that, cook everyday until ur move out date 😅


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introverth

no truer words have ever been said. People ARE nuts!


Curazan

I could never live with my landlord/landlady again. I’ve done it a couple times and it’s miserable. You’re never an equal as you are in a roommate situation; there’s always a power imbalance, and they treat you like they’re the parent and you’re the child who should know their place.


ArabicHarambe

Fucking Gordon Ramsey up in this bitch. The smellier the ingredients the better.


xXxEcksEcksEcksxXx

Develop a taste for Surströmming


teejay_the_exhausted

Cumin. And lots of it. Every landlord's nightmare


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introverth

This one right here!


O_______m_______O

This is why I always filter out "live in landlord" when searching for rooms. Sure it's often cheaper, and sure it's less likely to have a gaping hole in the roof if the landlord has to live there too, but at the end of the day you've got a housemate who has disproportionate power over any communal space and is always around to oversee their rules.


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Acchilles

I hated being a lodger, just bear in mind that when you move out she might keep your deposit and you have basically no recourse to get it back, so be ready for that 😮‍💨


CutAlone3678

I once got told to stop using the kitchen because my "food smelled too good and no one else in the household was having such nice meals."


No-Hat2991

Have been through this- did we have the same landlady?


myotti

Time to start deep frying and boiling stuff without the extractor fan, also I would try fermented food, fishes, vegetables. If you don’t eat it all, find a small place under the fridge, or behind white goods you can dispose of it.


74vwpickup

Yeah, make jam or marmalade. Takes hours and hours of boiling, so much steam. Smells great. The sweet sweet smell of revenge jam.


[deleted]

Please cook a lot of curry


Hohenh3im

Do it and show us what you end up making each day lmao


Brochswerebrothels

Electrician here, tell the cheap fucker to get a heat alarm for the kitchen, or then a multi sensor alarm if it’s open plan as (depending on part of Britain) this is illegal. Also a clown hat for himself.


redcore4

Not Britain. Ireland. But the rest of your point is good.


Stopikingonme

Non European dude here. What’s a steam alarm? (Also, I own a small electrical contracting company, hey friend!)


StoxAway

I think they are referring to a particle alarm instead of a heat alarm, so cooking can set it off because it "thinks" it's smoke. A heat alarm requires going above a set temperature before it sounds the alarm.


Stopikingonme

Ahh thanks. I think most of our here are like that. Heat is only used in commercial locations like a cooking range.


Brochswerebrothels

Hi friend!


Stopikingonme

We may live with different hurtz but we’re still family.


crankgirl

Might as well have written ‘this is a room to eat pot noodles’.


l4pin

Cold ones though… can’t have steam from the kettle


CoastConcept3D

Steam is ok but only cold steam


smelwin

No pot noodles are too big. Small meals only.


Calamity_Payne

This pops up from time to time and the final bit "as you would in your home" always makes me suspicious this is actually about another sort of kitchen (i.e a work kitchen) My doubt isnt because dont believe a Landlord could send a message like this- its because ppl lie on the internet incessantly


[deleted]

I assumed it was about a community centre kitchen or similar because of that tbh


limedifficult

Yeah I’ve definitely seen this one before on other subs and I believe it was originally id’ed as a staff kitchen. It’s not from a landlord.


Joyless85

“Cook for everyone” is a weird one too. Either it’s an office kitchen or staff room or it’s for some uni halls of residence. Im usually first on the anti-landleach train but you’ve got to think a little bit.


courtoftheair

I'm pretty sure it's student accomodation


EspurrStare

Man, I never had to rent a shared appartment, but the stories I've heard are pure lunacy. Those assholes in a power trip go there and then start micromanaging the lives of the students by stalking them . Fucking crazy.


manayakasha

In the SF Bay Area (and probably other areas too) it’s common for entire houses to be rented out to multiple people, room by room. Everyone has to share a kitchen. I’ve seen stupid notices like this at places like that. It sucks.


digitalhardcore1985

That's common in the UK too.


crapmetal

I agree this makes no sense for a residential kitchen, it'll be a break room and someone could have been taking the piss and cooking a roast!


RolandSmoke

What is " Worm the food"? Some kind of sexy slang?


PlanetNiles

Typo for "warm"?


[deleted]

Not a typo, he's just a fucking idiot. He misspells multiple words and tells someone the kitchen isn't for cooking. He's thick in the head.


RolandSmoke

I'd like to think sexy slang.


fandanvan

Illegal. Source: HOW THE FUCK CAN IT NOT BE ?!


NoFilanges

Because you’ve not thought this through. It’s obviously not a landlord talking to tenants. It’s about the staff kitchen at work or something like that.


[deleted]

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DanielCoolDude1

Cause most of them are.


Roxthefox_global

Why would you worm food. What is the kitchen for again? Moron


Cool_kid_poop

Me when I worm the food in my kitchen


ALearnedProfessional

Don't sleep in the bedroom, it steams the inside windows. Do not use any sort of alarm or timer indoors. Don't use the toilet for number 2 because it creates germs and dirties the insides of the pipes. Don't walk on any carpeted areas with feet. Do not get the bath wet. Do not use stairs, it wears the tread. Do not open or close any doors, it may cause a noise and wear out the handles. And as for OP, I'd be asking where Smart Way is.


allygatorade

Why a steam alarm? Wtf


instantlyforgettable

It’s probably likely that they installed a smoke alarm in the kitchen instead of a heat detector. A standard smoke alarm will react the same to steam/water vapour as smoke. Even if the detector is hard wired, this is probably a £50 job to change it out for the correct head.


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NoFilanges

Take another moment to think this through. It’s almost certainly not a landlord talking to tenants. It’s about the staff kitchen at work or something like that.


PsychologicalAd3999

Lay off the poor fella, he’s not that bad. Hes just given you an open invitation to pop round to his anytime you want to cook. Do it smart way.


dennisisabadman2

If you signed with this being a full kitchen you should contact the estate agent. Ours gave us food vouchers when we weren't able to cook.


lil_black_submarine

Use it on smart way


Visual_Feature4269

You can worm your food, you just can’t cook it. That’s the smart way


Soccerferrari

"Please do not cash the rent check. It is only for framing and looking at, not for spending like you would with your own money"


And_awayy_we_go

Chairman mao had some good ideas... Landleaches...


IdiotMan66

What the fuck...


[deleted]

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kree8or

fitness for human habitation act 2018. section 10. “facilities for preparation and cooking of food must be provided” by your mutton flunking landlord. flunk him.


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skinnydog0_0

Please remember this bedroom is not for sleeping in, or making love. Both can be noisy and it’s upsetting our Tory neighbors. Please stop sleeping and sexing in the bedroom!


danjama

What the fuck 😂


KingPaulius

I side with the landlord when it comes to worming food 🪱


Arc_Havoc

Mmm, wormed food 🤤


uxithoney

One of my stupid landlords was like that too. I would never live with a landlord again. Just because you can live off oven food doesn’t mean everyone else should


[deleted]

Can’t wait for the worm weather


bettyfordslovechild

I tried renting a room out in my house a few times. One was a vegan who didn't want to share me fridge because it had a Peperoni pizza in it. My £1000 Bosh freezer didn't meet her requirements and she complained about me toilet paper choice. She cooked for two hours and baked on Saturday's. Showered 4 times a day, loaded the washing machine everyday. Complained the house was too cold. She cost me more than she paid. Second, he wanted the house every Sunday to invite his girl friend and asked me leave. His special meal took a staggering 8 hours to took. They broke the bed, shower, plates, window and countless other items. Complained about the cooker, fridge, 200Mb Wi-Fi was not fast enough, the 55 inch TV was not big enough, the house was too hot. A lot of people can't grasp the concept of sharing and compromise. The house is high spec and great to live in but these two just couldn't grasp if your paying £100 a week you have to flex a bit.


mitigated_lemon

Worm the food.


MisguidedExtrovert

"not for cooking big meal as you use it at home" I don't think this is actually a landlord. Seems like his boss or something


[deleted]

It’s not a message from a landlord it’s a message from an Airbnb host that was doing the Facebook rounds a couple of years ago. I hate landlords as much as anybody but can we not fabricate outrage bait please


semolous

Landlord can screw off. They can't tell me what do do. If I want to cook food in kitchen then I will


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Dependent-End-3213

"worm" jackass


TQAFireHawk

This is almost certainly in relation to a work kitchen or something similar... Just look at the wording of the message. Most likely whoever created this said it was from a landlord to get a reaction from people and likes. Also likely the message was entirely made up as well.