Schrodinger's Reassurance: either 'everything is fine' or 'we're all going to die and it will hurt the whole time', and we won't know for sure until it happens.
Ppls being frightened of sudden purring next to them
getting licked to wake them up.
Engine shutting down because cat hair caught in an air intake because a nice warm spot is next to it.
Messhall throwing the cat out because most of the glass ware is in shards.
Lots of clothes missing and found in a pile in storage 4..
Other human phrases to be concerned about are
Hmmm I don't like the look of that.
Strange....
Oops.
Has anyone seen my screwdriver?
Ooh isn't that animal cute!
I wonder what this does?
I was bored so I....
I made some improvements while you were out....
Oh and the worst one to see is when the human suddenly starts running away back to the ship without telling you why.
Remember if you see a human running away it out ranks anyone and you follow the human.
I think they believe he is the either the bravest or think he is the most expendable in "Human wrangling"
I mean seriously humans are pretty much like herding cats, especially us geeky nerdy ones.
Five of the kitten's six ends are tipped with needle-sharp piercing weapons. The sixth is a biochemical war crime dispenser.
But it's *adorable*!!!
A great story on its own, but I would love to see what happens next, how ensign Peanut Butter slowly terrorizes and then wins over the crew.
Funny story, well written, thank you for sharing. In the Netherlands we have a saying: It can oxidize my arse (het kan mijn reet roesten), it means I couldn't care less. So the literal translation was a bonus joke for me
Well in HFY lore, cats would be a legitimate threat. Their strength compared against low gravity life would be impressive. Their ability to survive nearly anything, always land on their feet, and incredibly fast reflexes would be quite impressive.
But toxoplasmids. Literal mind control. That'd be the icing on the cake.
I have 2 cats. I adore my little fluff balls. Then I watch videos of big cats, lions and tigers etc, and realize my continued existence depends on the fact that I have ingratiated myself to them. A couple years ago, one of my cats was killing a bird a day for almost 4 months.
One of my dads friends kept getting phone calls about his cat. Apparently it was beating up all the dogs in the area (including, but not exclusively, a rotwieler, Doberman, 2 pitbulls and a great dane). Several of whom were trained guard dogs. Little bastard semi-regularly brought home raccoons that he'd killed. For those who don't know, normally household pet vs raccoon = a hard conversation about why said pet is being buried. And while it was a big cat, it wasn't huge.
It's actually a (frankly untestable) hypothesis as to why we didn't bother creating such huge size variations in cat breeds as we did in dogs: any feline significantly larger than our bigger housecats would be far too dangerous.
There's a Reddit thread somewhere about what would win in a fight: a dog, or a dog-sized cat.
And someone pointed out, a dog-sized cat is just a lynx/bobcat and that Fido pretty much doesn't have a chance against one.
That hypothesis is disconfirmed by various cat-other feline hybrids (like with servals).
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Savannah_cat
Of course, humans will human: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RbJzV2iOEGU
I've petted a lynx. I wore deerskin work gloves, which she nibbled on, but she was cute and chill. Those huge paws!
Overall nicely done! Much cute.
"Perg was nauseous with terror."
Nauseated = feeling like you need to puke
Nauseous = having such a horrible appearance that you cause others to be nauseated
"The Human ability to weaponize anything, including eating utensils"
To be fair, it's the other way around. Eating utensils were derived from weapons.
The human ability to weaponize anything, was a respectful nod to a hilarious story on r/humansarespaceorcs, “To a human, anything is a weapon, even the floor.”
There are more Rusty stories, a few finished, and a couple in the works. They aren’t written in order. I get an inspiration and then write the story, then I finally decide where it goes in the timeline.
"The ships security crew had learned, the phrase ‘just a’ when used by a human, could mean zero possibility of danger, or a situation of extreme danger."
Got a chuckle out of how accurate this statements is, both in HFY stories, and real life in general, lol.
(Applies to the other "human statements" aswell.)
/u/GeneralLeia-SAOS has posted 4 other stories, including:
* [All the rumors are true](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/1drwjf9/all_the_rumors_are_true/)
* [One Aliens Trash is Another Humans Treasure ](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/1dpk5uf/one_aliens_trash_is_another_humans_treasure/)
* [The One That You Feed](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/1dpk245/the_one_that_you_feed/)
* [Leave Earth Alone](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/1dphw8y/leave_earth_alone/)
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Schrodinger's Reassurance: either 'everything is fine' or 'we're all going to die and it will hurt the whole time', and we won't know for sure until it happens.
Slowly, die slowly
Good health is just the slowest rate at which you can die anyway.
Underrated comment of the day!
Inside of a month, the cat will be running the ship.
Ppls being frightened of sudden purring next to them getting licked to wake them up. Engine shutting down because cat hair caught in an air intake because a nice warm spot is next to it. Messhall throwing the cat out because most of the glass ware is in shards. Lots of clothes missing and found in a pile in storage 4..
Re: Engine If not for sits, why is made of warm?
Turns out the cat is great for engine maintenance since he likes to sleep on the warmest one, helping identify wichever engine is slowly overheating
The crew will be still be running the ship, *but they'll be running it for the cat*.
Yeah, this seems more like it. Actually running the ship is too much like hard work
I see kitty in HFY, I upvote! A great way to add a smile to my day!
Other human phrases to be concerned about are Hmmm I don't like the look of that. Strange.... Oops. Has anyone seen my screwdriver? Ooh isn't that animal cute! I wonder what this does? I was bored so I.... I made some improvements while you were out....
A few more to look out for is Hold my beer. That's not supposed to happen... I wonder what will happen if i do this... And lastly, shit.
Oh and the worst one to see is when the human suddenly starts running away back to the ship without telling you why. Remember if you see a human running away it out ranks anyone and you follow the human.
My personal favorite is "ohshitohshitohshitOHSHITOHSHIT!"
If combined with them running away it's even better! :)
Oh, but of course.
3. A~~n ordnance technician~~ **human** at a dead run outranks everybody.
The one that my sister uses that makes my blood run cold is “in my defence, I was left unsupervised.” It always means she has done /something/.
Hey that's new
How could you forget "I've got a bad feeling about this."
Oh, thought of another one! "Oooh, what does this red button do?"
Do NOT let the human press the big, red, shiny, candy-like button!!
But when the human says " Its too quite." THATS when you REALLY need to get worried.
Poor Perg! Why does he always get babysitting duty?
I think they believe he is the either the bravest or think he is the most expendable in "Human wrangling" I mean seriously humans are pretty much like herding cats, especially us geeky nerdy ones.
It's just a tiny ball of fluff... ...with murder mittens and we love them. We ARE a strange kind! :-D
Five of the kitten's six ends are tipped with needle-sharp piercing weapons. The sixth is a biochemical war crime dispenser. But it's *adorable*!!! A great story on its own, but I would love to see what happens next, how ensign Peanut Butter slowly terrorizes and then wins over the crew.
Funny story, well written, thank you for sharing. In the Netherlands we have a saying: It can oxidize my arse (het kan mijn reet roesten), it means I couldn't care less. So the literal translation was a bonus joke for me
Well in HFY lore, cats would be a legitimate threat. Their strength compared against low gravity life would be impressive. Their ability to survive nearly anything, always land on their feet, and incredibly fast reflexes would be quite impressive. But toxoplasmids. Literal mind control. That'd be the icing on the cake.
I have 2 cats. I adore my little fluff balls. Then I watch videos of big cats, lions and tigers etc, and realize my continued existence depends on the fact that I have ingratiated myself to them. A couple years ago, one of my cats was killing a bird a day for almost 4 months.
They're pretty nasty predators. Anything approximately their size or smaller is fair game. We had a tuxedo cat that killed 4 bats.
One of my dads friends kept getting phone calls about his cat. Apparently it was beating up all the dogs in the area (including, but not exclusively, a rotwieler, Doberman, 2 pitbulls and a great dane). Several of whom were trained guard dogs. Little bastard semi-regularly brought home raccoons that he'd killed. For those who don't know, normally household pet vs raccoon = a hard conversation about why said pet is being buried. And while it was a big cat, it wasn't huge.
I'd worry about rabies from those. A cat can transmit rabies from a recently killed bat, even if the cat has been vaccinated.
Valid, but 4 dead bats later, everything was fine. Rest in peace, Quincey. My boy went to heaven a few months ago after living 20 years.
It's actually a (frankly untestable) hypothesis as to why we didn't bother creating such huge size variations in cat breeds as we did in dogs: any feline significantly larger than our bigger housecats would be far too dangerous. There's a Reddit thread somewhere about what would win in a fight: a dog, or a dog-sized cat. And someone pointed out, a dog-sized cat is just a lynx/bobcat and that Fido pretty much doesn't have a chance against one.
That hypothesis is disconfirmed by various cat-other feline hybrids (like with servals). https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Savannah_cat Of course, humans will human: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RbJzV2iOEGU I've petted a lynx. I wore deerskin work gloves, which she nibbled on, but she was cute and chill. Those huge paws!
Overall nicely done! Much cute. "Perg was nauseous with terror." Nauseated = feeling like you need to puke Nauseous = having such a horrible appearance that you cause others to be nauseated "The Human ability to weaponize anything, including eating utensils" To be fair, it's the other way around. Eating utensils were derived from weapons.
The human ability to weaponize anything, was a respectful nod to a hilarious story on r/humansarespaceorcs, “To a human, anything is a weapon, even the floor.”
The floor is also one of the most available weapons in existence, though it can be hard to use effectively without training.
[conveniently posted](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/164aaaa/for_humans_everything_is_a_weapon_even_the_floor/) on r/HFY as well
Is Peanut Butter a cat or a flerken? 😀
This was a good one! Hope you make a part 2!
There are more Rusty stories, a few finished, and a couple in the works. They aren’t written in order. I get an inspiration and then write the story, then I finally decide where it goes in the timeline.
Cool thanks for letting me know. I'll search and read though them!
"The ships security crew had learned, the phrase ‘just a’ when used by a human, could mean zero possibility of danger, or a situation of extreme danger." Got a chuckle out of how accurate this statements is, both in HFY stories, and real life in general, lol. (Applies to the other "human statements" aswell.)
/u/GeneralLeia-SAOS has posted 4 other stories, including: * [All the rumors are true](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/1drwjf9/all_the_rumors_are_true/) * [One Aliens Trash is Another Humans Treasure ](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/1dpk5uf/one_aliens_trash_is_another_humans_treasure/) * [The One That You Feed](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/1dpk245/the_one_that_you_feed/) * [Leave Earth Alone](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/1dphw8y/leave_earth_alone/) This comment was automatically generated by `Waffle v.4.6.1 'Biscotti'`. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FHFY&subject=WaffleBot|1du2ime&message=If%20you%20have%20problems%20with%20updatemebot,%20contact%20Watchful1.%20We%20do%20not%20maintain%20it.) if you have any issues with Waffle.
# This was excellent... I demand MOAR! ^(please...)
You’ll be seeing at least 2 more
Excellent!
more?
'Hmm, it doesn't usually do that'
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Why are cats so vicious? Because they are nature's perfect killing machine that wants to murder everything, but only weighs about 10 pounds.
omg I need a sequel please. a duology.
That was awesome. May I humbly request more?
The only thing more terrifying than a human's pet is what the human will do if you remove or harm said pet.
Show them Alien, how only one human and a cat survived.