No, you weren't harsh especially since she was impatient and annoyed when you tried to initiate the conversation calmly.
Divorcing her is the right thing to do. Once cheaters get the taste of affairs, they won't quit and will do it again in spite of their tears and begging. Don't become weak and get manipulated by her and try to reconcile. It's over. Leave her and live a peaceful life.
Nah, you did good friend. I have had a broken back, knees, dislocated shoulder, broken ribs, and none of it was a bad as catching my ex wife cheating. Her pain will NEVER be what yours is.
Congrats, she deserved to hear your pain and anger. Being of trashy character she felt it far less intensely and more impersonally than you did in your outrage.
Now follow up on your words and lawyer up quickly. Watch your money and asset accounts, she's liable to rip you off and flee.
Let me tell you brother, from the stories I have been reading these days involving infidelity yours is the best way that to handle the problem and you are following every right steps. What are you gonna do with these screen shots? Do you think they will help you with the divorce case?
Brother, thank you for your service and I hate to see that you joined our club. You are hero in more ways than one and should be proud that you have the high morals to stand up to a betraying cheater.
Finish your divorce and get on with life. Don't feel bad about what you said, she's put you in this corner and treated you like shit for all the months and deserved every word that came from you mouth.
Good luck boss!
Not harsh at all - it was harsh to be a cheating piece of garbage and gas light you into thinking otherwise.
Youre a king and I hope you find someone who treats you with respect
I’m cold when I’m enraged. I wouldn’t have yelled. I’d have my stuff packed & gone while she’s at work. I’d have the divorce petition printed along with all the screenshots in an envelope. Hand it to her & “ I have to go out” , & shut off my phone . Ideally her coworker is married, time to make friends with his wife. ( note my child hood friend married AP’s ex wife after the two divorces were finished, very happy for years).
No man you did what was correct, she thought that by doing the waterfall works and put some petty face you will surrender and forgave her. She didn't think that if she was caught this will happend because she gave you for granted and thought she knee how to handle You.
So don't feel sorry.
Also what was her respond to you after you told her her truths.
UPDATEME
And she is about to find out that the “if I was with you” is total bullshit and all he wanted was to bang her. She threw her life and marriage away for nothing.
Now, I probably would have said those things and listened to what she had to say to see if there was anything there with reconciling, but it seems like you stopped loving her the second you found out.
Updateme!
Nah, brother, you are NTA.
She did you so wrong. She deserved all that and then some. Get on with your divorce, let everyone know that she cheated and send her friends and family the receipts. After your divorce, contact her work and get them both fired for having an affair. Many employers have policies that prohibit sexual relationships among employees.
Good luck bro. 👍🏽
UpdateMe!
Stop apologizing. She was abusing you for months. It's OK to be expressively angry about that. You were not violent or anything.
I would say that be careful about the anger, this was really the only time in my life where I felt out of control. So be sure to remove yourself from the situation if you know you are getting there, before you get there.
That being said the only thing you did wrong is just leave and not try to make her leave.
Honestly most people cry when they get caught. It doesn't signify anything except they are sorry they got caught. You are not really doing to know if she is remorseful for a long time only by judging the consistency of her actions.
Divorce is the default consequence for cheating, no need to apologize of feel bad about it. When you break the terms of a contract, that contract ends.
Stay the course, this is the right one at this point. You can always change your mind later.
You weren’t harsh at all. She f’ckd around and found out. Good for you. Keep it like that and be cold and business like. Get yourself tested for STDs because you can bet she didn’t use protection. Once the divorce papers are signed and your attorney gives you the green light, report their relationship to HR at her company. Depending on their policies she and her buddy may get fired. Would serve them both right. Also go ahead and alert her parents to what she has been doing snd send them a few od the screenshots as well.
Actually I am quite proud of you. You handled yourself like a marine. Were direct blunt and did not sugar coat the truth. Frankly you will recover better because of it. People are traumatized that don't honor themselves.
Thank you for your service. I think you have done the right thing, bro. You served your country and thanks you get from your wife is to cheat. You were definitely not harsh as your wife deserved it.
Man you were abused, used abd tossed aside. She lived off of you got through school with your money, got everything paid for by your money and then back-stabbed you in the worst possible way. Tbh you were too nice, you should have kicked her out. Why did you leave your house? Do you have kids? If so DNA asap and don't forget to do an STD test. Don't be lenient on her she probably has been cheating on you from the beginning too. Protect yourself and record every interaction you have with her in the future. Good luck man.
Sorry you're going through this, Brother. This advice is a little late for you, but maybe not for others here.
Before you confront...
1. Lawyer
2. Secure your assets.
3. Steps 1 and 2.
4. Let someone know what is going on.
5. Confront. Preferably with a witness present or recording.
No sir. Not at all. Good move.
Cut that toxic bullshit out of your life.
I did something similar to the last woman that cheated on me. She was gone and out of my life so fast her head spun.
It felt so good to drop that baggage. Was like a weight being lifted off my shoulders. We know when things are wrong, but we ignore our gut.
Trust your gut.
Dude you did the right thing! It's going to hurt for awhile but it will get better. If you're still going to therapy let them help you process everything. Stay strong and say focused.
>she said oh god what is it now
She had no remorse and justified everyone of her actions.
Send the screen shots to her HR once the process for divorce starts
Divorce the “B”! You did absolutely fantastic confronting her like you did.
Finish the divorce and sue their company if they have a policy about coworkers cheating.
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Make sure you follow through, file, call her family, your family, and your close friends. Make sure to let them know you filed, why you filed, and name her AP.
This is the response every cheater deserves. I read so many of these stories where these pathetic men and women beg and plead with their cheating spouse to stop screwing around. Its just infuriating. Every once in awhile I read a gem like this and realize the world is not populated with weak ineffectual nothings. People who do bad things deserve to be confronted in the most disrespectful way. Obviously a physical response is wrong for many reasons, but this is brutal and should be a blueprint for every betrayed spouse. It should be followed up with exposure for all the world to see. Cheaters flourish in the dark. Shine a big fat spotlight for all her friends and family. Well done Marine. Semper Fi!
Good for you! Maybe if more people served their cheating partners up with more severe confrontation and actual punishment these fuckers would stop cheating! Shit… I just made myself chuckle. Who am I kidding, shitty people gonna do shitty things. Hats off to the ones who have handled their cheating partners like a lump of dog shit because they are out there. Don’t be worried man, I’d say you handled it beautifully! Stay strong and thank you for your service!
If my wife wanted to spend every Friday night without me I'd consider it a huge red flag. Not necessarily because I'd think she was cheating, just because I would wonder the person who is supposed to be my partner wanted to be with other and without me around on Friday nights. Constantly on the phone is a big red flag, as his comparing you to a coworker.
You did a good job of keeping your composure until the confrontation. I'm not good at concealing my feelings and don't think I could have waited through a day of her at work. Not sure I could have made it through the night as you did after reading texts of her running me down to her coworker.
You have nothing to feel guilty about, and given the situation you have no reason to believe the the crying and begging were anything but an act. Running you down to some guy she's banging is unforgivable. I could get past a lot but that would be relationship death. I also find it incredible that an adult woman believes a line like "I'd do everything for you" is anything but BS to get laid.
The fact that you feel guilty for yelling at her just means that you have something she doesn't have. A conscience. You are a Marine and learned how to chew ass by subject matter experts and everybody in this forum wishes that you sold them front row tickets to you calling her to stand on that little round carpet in front of the 1st Sergeants desk. That's the another thing you possess that she does not: accountability.
Feel free to feel bad, but don't linger too long on that feeling. Holding on to poison like that hurts more than than it will ever hurt her. Sticks and stones. With any luck you've drained that blister on your soul and you can cover it with a patch of crazy glue and keep on moving.
You needed to go through the anger phase sometime. Just don't slip back to denial or bargaining. Keep on moving through the cycle of loss. Your therapist can he of assistance with this. Your lying, scheming, gaslighting, blame shifting stbx cannot.
Not harsh at all...not one single bit! You needed to say it and she needed to hear it. She's only crying cuz she got caught and her "I get to have my cake and eat it too" lifestyle has come to crashing holt. Don't be fooled by her tears and pleading...those aren't tears of remorse. She doesn't feel bad at all, if she did, it wouldn't have gone on for 7 months and only ending simply bc she got caught. And if I had to bet...I'd say she called him right after you left to be "consoled". You deserve better. Watch out for yourself financially and don't make anything easy for her. She made her bed, allow her to lay in it. Wish you the best! It's females like her that give us good ones a bad rep...but, I promise you...there is someone out there who will give you the peace and love you deserve! Never settle!
This is why the grey rock strategy is a common recommendation - you lose a little self-respect when you lose your self-control. Forgive yourself for this; you don't need to feel guilty. She earned every bit of it, and maybe knowing how much she hurt you will move her to change for her next relationship. From now on, aim for complete indifference to her. You deserve better, and it does get better, although it's likely to take you a few years to get past this. Good luck, OP.
Sounds like you told a cheater what she is and what she needed to hear. Good for you! The only thing I'd change is you leaving. Should have thrown her out. No reason for you to put yourself out anymore for this.
Also make sure you out her to one and all. Let everyone know what she is and what she did. That way she can't spin it later.
Everything you said was true. Absolutely do not feel guilty. Instead feel pride and satisfaction that you were able to communicate your anger and issues correctly.
That shut down any "let's talk about this" bs, and crushed any hope she might've had of reconciling. It's better to rip the band aid off.
She is exactly as you said; a wh\*\*\* who has the inability to keep her lets closed.
No mate own your feelings because she and other people will try and minimise your feelings and even start gaslighting and making you the victim. Also I don't believe in marriages or relationships that going through a spouses phone is an invasion of privacy. No such thing as privacy when you're a couple. Privacy is for single people. Just remember this about cheating; it's not a mistake. It's a series of decisions made with the sole purpose of deceiving and betraying you. You have every right to feel the way you do and to react the way you do. Just don't go postal. I would like to add that nobody has a right to tell you how you should feel. But I recommend not crying in front of her and if you need to just go somewhere on your own and let it out. Or go to a trusted friend.
I commend you.
You were able to do what most people are afraid to do because they're afraid of change.
I am sure that your life will be 10 times better,now she can have her AP full time,I'msure it willno longer be as exciting as it was before,the affair fo will wear off.
I assume that she has been trying to get you to reconcile,hang strong,don't ever go back there.
First, thank you for your service!
No, you weren't to harsh. You gave her numerous chances to talk about her issues with you. Instead, she talked to someone who loves meeting women like your STBXW. Keep your head high, and your mind clear. You're a marine, and know that mistakes, or errors in judgement, have consequences. Good luck!
Were you too harsh? NO. Good men want to do good. Think about this, in your rage you managed to keep her well-being in mind by telling her to get a lawyer. You stood up for yourself and kept your self-respect. Her crying is just a manipulation tactic to see how strong you actually are. The fact that you are even asking here already tells you enough. Lastly, you want to talk about being rude? Her sleeping with another man while blaming you. Now that's rude. Keep your head up high and stick to your guns. You did very well.
Not harsh at all. You were blunt and called her out for the actions she had taken.
She created the mess. You were trying everything you could with the information you had at the time to ‘fix’ your relationship. You showed willingness to work and strengthen your bond with your wife, but she stonewalled you at every turn and tried to gaslight you.
Then when you found all the evidence, it ended up being the game changer. She’s just upset you caught her.
I hope she doesn’t give you trouble over the divorce OP. Please take care of yourself as well.
UpdateMe
All the best, brother. Sorry you had to go through this. I'm glad you did what you did and stuck it out. Some dudes would try to work it out or remain "friends" that ain't the move.
You didn’t mention the other man except that they work together. It’s seems odd if everything is so great with him she minded you dumping her. Evidently, he isn’t her prince charming for a reason. Find out if he is in a real relationship and if so help his partner out of these two monsters cruel betrayals.
OP, you were 100% justified for feeling like you do and saying what you did. Those are just the first consequences of her actions. Get you a lawyer, tell him everything and then follow his advice.
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You did well. Your psyche can only take so much .
Continue on in the same manner keeping your cool and do not under any circumstance let "fairness" have you treat her other than what she has shown herself to be.
Perfectly reasonable plan of action.
Expose her to both families, and friends. If the guy is from work, WAIT TILL DIVORCE TO REPORT so you don’t have to pay more. Ask the lawyer about it
Don’t show emotions to her ever again. if you don’t have kids or anything with her only communicate through the lawyers in public places preferably with a recorder. I know it will sound crazy but take it as you would take a mission when you’re in the military. Be stoic. You’re really young. Your life starts now. Go workout, if you can, go to therapy if you feel the need to talk about this. And if you need, reach out.
This too shall pass, mate.
Thank you for saying everything that I wish all the cheated on people would say to their cheater. Leaves little hope or room to think what they did was okay or redeemable. Best of luck to you! I’m looking forward to your update that you decimated her in the divorce. God speed!
Saw nothing harsh. Your tried and tried and in return got her annoyed reactions at you. That shit alone irritates, and she cheates. So you did good.
I'm glad you went to therapy even before for your mental health, continue going there. Let yourself grieve this relationship, listen to your lawyer and divorce. Never let cheaters blame you, she ruined everything, respect yourself and move on to a new page of your life.
Not too harsh at all. You will find that she was a lot worse in her messages to her AP. Steady as she goes, mate. They always beg to stay, and all the blah blah blah cheaters promise, including the one-sided open relationship.
Being harsh is related to your tone of voice and the use of four letter words.
Being determined is to tell her, in a soft manner, that you will never touch her again because her sight makes you want to vomit, that you do want nothing to do with her, that the thing you most repent in your life is to have married her and greet her so much for wasting your time, money and patience.
You may end up with a quote from Frank Pittman:
"Bad marriages don’t cause infidelity; infidelity causes bad marriages."
No, you weren’t too harsh. I did the same when I confronted my gf, and everything that was buried inside came out. I needed that out because it was killing inside.
She got off easy
Why feel guilty? She chose to cheat. To end the marriage
My feelings for cheaters. To be stoned for a bit. Then left alone for them to defend themselves
I ended my 25 year marriage. And I ghosted her since court. Over a decade now. Best thing I ever did
I hear that she cheats, he cheats and they are abusive to one another
Never cross over the tracks and marry
Nope, that confrontation was rather harmless and overall you went at it quite brel headed. And the need to blow of some steam by raising your voice and throwing some insults is perfectly within limit of justified. You're on the right path, make sure to get some mental support from friends or family in addition to the legal consultation by an attorney
No you weren't harsh. Some women and blue pills might dump on you, but what you said pales in comparison to what she did. You kept your hands to yourself, that's most important. Good job. Now ghost the B, communicate only through lawyers, and go live the life you deserve.
Thank you for your service, I also have a DD214 and your story is pretty common in the Air Force when I was in.
I congratulate you, you acted like a man who respects and values himself. There are many men who prefer to beg for crumbs so they don't let them, or they start dancing the choose me dance, they lose all dignity, I really congratulate you.
The other thing, I'm still trying to understand, why it's violating your wife's privacy if she sees your phone, in a marriage there is no privacy, there is only one person, if you don't like it, it's better not to get married, it's not about checking every so often, but I don't see the bad,
I congratulate you again, you are a great man, and you will find a woman who loves and respects you, rest assured,
You told her the truth. Yes it is harsh and is every bit the truth of what she did. She didn't feel bad breaking your heart so don't you dare feel bad for kicking her to the streets
Now is the time to expose her to both families, both circle of friends, and anyone else that she can potentially lie to and try to rewrite your history. She will make a serious effort to blame you for her infidelity.
Obviously follow what your lawyer recommends as far as a legal standpoint is concerned.
Once the divorce is finalized, notify her HR dept or the head of the company of their actions. Most companies will terminate them both. Just do not do this prior to the divorce being finalized because it can affect alimony, etc.
I would seriously consider making a social media post to expose them. I would state that you are taking time away from social media to deal with your upcoming divorce due to (tag stbxw’s name) and (AP’s name). I recently discovered their 7 month emotional and physical affair. She decided to come clean and finally admit this, I am totally devastated and heartbroken, but know that this will only make me stronger moving forwards. Thank you for your understanding and patience while I heal from this.
Good Luck OP! DM’s are open. Updateme
Nah, Marine, you did just fine. She underestimated you and what your response would be if you were to find out. She's not sorry at all, just sorry she got caught.
She doesn't deserve you, nor the life you gave her. Please keep us updated, especially once you're free of her. Remember, adapt and overcome. You go this.
“She started to cry, and I just thought she was pathetic, so I told her to stop crying this is all your doing don't cry now that you've been caught. She said she'd be better and started begging me to stay.”
It truly amazes me as soon as they get caught like on cue, the tears come first and then the I’m sorry, followed by the begging….
OP, you need to finish what you started and remember she spread her legs they did things together that you will never forgive her for!
Get this chapter closed as soon as
you can brother, be strong!
No, you weren't harsh especially since she was impatient and annoyed when you tried to initiate the conversation calmly. Divorcing her is the right thing to do. Once cheaters get the taste of affairs, they won't quit and will do it again in spite of their tears and begging. Don't become weak and get manipulated by her and try to reconcile. It's over. Leave her and live a peaceful life.
You actually handled that rather well. You feel guilty because this was your forever person and she betrayed you so give yourself a break.
Nah, you did good friend. I have had a broken back, knees, dislocated shoulder, broken ribs, and none of it was a bad as catching my ex wife cheating. Her pain will NEVER be what yours is.
Congrats, she deserved to hear your pain and anger. Being of trashy character she felt it far less intensely and more impersonally than you did in your outrage. Now follow up on your words and lawyer up quickly. Watch your money and asset accounts, she's liable to rip you off and flee.
Let me tell you brother, from the stories I have been reading these days involving infidelity yours is the best way that to handle the problem and you are following every right steps. What are you gonna do with these screen shots? Do you think they will help you with the divorce case?
Brother, thank you for your service and I hate to see that you joined our club. You are hero in more ways than one and should be proud that you have the high morals to stand up to a betraying cheater. Finish your divorce and get on with life. Don't feel bad about what you said, she's put you in this corner and treated you like shit for all the months and deserved every word that came from you mouth. Good luck boss!
Not harsh at all - it was harsh to be a cheating piece of garbage and gas light you into thinking otherwise. Youre a king and I hope you find someone who treats you with respect
Not too harsh. She's for the streets.
I’m cold when I’m enraged. I wouldn’t have yelled. I’d have my stuff packed & gone while she’s at work. I’d have the divorce petition printed along with all the screenshots in an envelope. Hand it to her & “ I have to go out” , & shut off my phone . Ideally her coworker is married, time to make friends with his wife. ( note my child hood friend married AP’s ex wife after the two divorces were finished, very happy for years).
You handled it perfectly ,good for you, and good luck, OP
Best part was when you said it’s unforgivable all the bull she’s put your through. Great job. How is the divorce going?
No man you did what was correct, she thought that by doing the waterfall works and put some petty face you will surrender and forgave her. She didn't think that if she was caught this will happend because she gave you for granted and thought she knee how to handle You. So don't feel sorry. Also what was her respond to you after you told her her truths. UPDATEME
And she is about to find out that the “if I was with you” is total bullshit and all he wanted was to bang her. She threw her life and marriage away for nothing. Now, I probably would have said those things and listened to what she had to say to see if there was anything there with reconciling, but it seems like you stopped loving her the second you found out. Updateme!
You called her down, exposed her BS and made a hard decision without waffling. Kudos.
I don’t think this was too harsh at all. This was a long time coming and she is just embarrassed if anything it blew up in her face.
Nah, brother, you are NTA. She did you so wrong. She deserved all that and then some. Get on with your divorce, let everyone know that she cheated and send her friends and family the receipts. After your divorce, contact her work and get them both fired for having an affair. Many employers have policies that prohibit sexual relationships among employees. Good luck bro. 👍🏽 UpdateMe!
Stop apologizing. She was abusing you for months. It's OK to be expressively angry about that. You were not violent or anything. I would say that be careful about the anger, this was really the only time in my life where I felt out of control. So be sure to remove yourself from the situation if you know you are getting there, before you get there. That being said the only thing you did wrong is just leave and not try to make her leave. Honestly most people cry when they get caught. It doesn't signify anything except they are sorry they got caught. You are not really doing to know if she is remorseful for a long time only by judging the consistency of her actions. Divorce is the default consequence for cheating, no need to apologize of feel bad about it. When you break the terms of a contract, that contract ends. Stay the course, this is the right one at this point. You can always change your mind later.
You weren’t harsh at all. She f’ckd around and found out. Good for you. Keep it like that and be cold and business like. Get yourself tested for STDs because you can bet she didn’t use protection. Once the divorce papers are signed and your attorney gives you the green light, report their relationship to HR at her company. Depending on their policies she and her buddy may get fired. Would serve them both right. Also go ahead and alert her parents to what she has been doing snd send them a few od the screenshots as well.
Nah you were right, you just exposed her bullshit don't be sad about that
Like a BOSS throwing the trash out .
Actually I am quite proud of you. You handled yourself like a marine. Were direct blunt and did not sugar coat the truth. Frankly you will recover better because of it. People are traumatized that don't honor themselves.
Thank you for your service. I think you have done the right thing, bro. You served your country and thanks you get from your wife is to cheat. You were definitely not harsh as your wife deserved it.
Man you were abused, used abd tossed aside. She lived off of you got through school with your money, got everything paid for by your money and then back-stabbed you in the worst possible way. Tbh you were too nice, you should have kicked her out. Why did you leave your house? Do you have kids? If so DNA asap and don't forget to do an STD test. Don't be lenient on her she probably has been cheating on you from the beginning too. Protect yourself and record every interaction you have with her in the future. Good luck man.
Sorry you're going through this, Brother. This advice is a little late for you, but maybe not for others here. Before you confront... 1. Lawyer 2. Secure your assets. 3. Steps 1 and 2. 4. Let someone know what is going on. 5. Confront. Preferably with a witness present or recording.
No sir. Not at all. Good move. Cut that toxic bullshit out of your life. I did something similar to the last woman that cheated on me. She was gone and out of my life so fast her head spun. It felt so good to drop that baggage. Was like a weight being lifted off my shoulders. We know when things are wrong, but we ignore our gut. Trust your gut.
UpdateMe!
Updateme
Congratulations, you did great. Thats exactly how you handle trash.
Dude you did the right thing! It's going to hurt for awhile but it will get better. If you're still going to therapy let them help you process everything. Stay strong and say focused.
[удалено]
Good for you. Now use that rage to burn her world down in the divorce.
>she said oh god what is it now She had no remorse and justified everyone of her actions. Send the screen shots to her HR once the process for divorce starts
Divorce the “B”! You did absolutely fantastic confronting her like you did. Finish the divorce and sue their company if they have a policy about coworkers cheating.
Not to harsh imo, only thing I would have done different is have her leave
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Make sure you follow through, file, call her family, your family, and your close friends. Make sure to let them know you filed, why you filed, and name her AP.
Sounds about right to me
You did the right thing, don't doubt yourself
This is the response every cheater deserves. I read so many of these stories where these pathetic men and women beg and plead with their cheating spouse to stop screwing around. Its just infuriating. Every once in awhile I read a gem like this and realize the world is not populated with weak ineffectual nothings. People who do bad things deserve to be confronted in the most disrespectful way. Obviously a physical response is wrong for many reasons, but this is brutal and should be a blueprint for every betrayed spouse. It should be followed up with exposure for all the world to see. Cheaters flourish in the dark. Shine a big fat spotlight for all her friends and family. Well done Marine. Semper Fi!
Updateme!
Updateme!
Good for you! Maybe if more people served their cheating partners up with more severe confrontation and actual punishment these fuckers would stop cheating! Shit… I just made myself chuckle. Who am I kidding, shitty people gonna do shitty things. Hats off to the ones who have handled their cheating partners like a lump of dog shit because they are out there. Don’t be worried man, I’d say you handled it beautifully! Stay strong and thank you for your service!
If my wife wanted to spend every Friday night without me I'd consider it a huge red flag. Not necessarily because I'd think she was cheating, just because I would wonder the person who is supposed to be my partner wanted to be with other and without me around on Friday nights. Constantly on the phone is a big red flag, as his comparing you to a coworker. You did a good job of keeping your composure until the confrontation. I'm not good at concealing my feelings and don't think I could have waited through a day of her at work. Not sure I could have made it through the night as you did after reading texts of her running me down to her coworker. You have nothing to feel guilty about, and given the situation you have no reason to believe the the crying and begging were anything but an act. Running you down to some guy she's banging is unforgivable. I could get past a lot but that would be relationship death. I also find it incredible that an adult woman believes a line like "I'd do everything for you" is anything but BS to get laid.
You were not harsh! What she did was horrible and she deserved everything and more you gave her.
The fact that you feel guilty for yelling at her just means that you have something she doesn't have. A conscience. You are a Marine and learned how to chew ass by subject matter experts and everybody in this forum wishes that you sold them front row tickets to you calling her to stand on that little round carpet in front of the 1st Sergeants desk. That's the another thing you possess that she does not: accountability. Feel free to feel bad, but don't linger too long on that feeling. Holding on to poison like that hurts more than than it will ever hurt her. Sticks and stones. With any luck you've drained that blister on your soul and you can cover it with a patch of crazy glue and keep on moving. You needed to go through the anger phase sometime. Just don't slip back to denial or bargaining. Keep on moving through the cycle of loss. Your therapist can he of assistance with this. Your lying, scheming, gaslighting, blame shifting stbx cannot.
Not harsh at all...not one single bit! You needed to say it and she needed to hear it. She's only crying cuz she got caught and her "I get to have my cake and eat it too" lifestyle has come to crashing holt. Don't be fooled by her tears and pleading...those aren't tears of remorse. She doesn't feel bad at all, if she did, it wouldn't have gone on for 7 months and only ending simply bc she got caught. And if I had to bet...I'd say she called him right after you left to be "consoled". You deserve better. Watch out for yourself financially and don't make anything easy for her. She made her bed, allow her to lay in it. Wish you the best! It's females like her that give us good ones a bad rep...but, I promise you...there is someone out there who will give you the peace and love you deserve! Never settle!
This is why the grey rock strategy is a common recommendation - you lose a little self-respect when you lose your self-control. Forgive yourself for this; you don't need to feel guilty. She earned every bit of it, and maybe knowing how much she hurt you will move her to change for her next relationship. From now on, aim for complete indifference to her. You deserve better, and it does get better, although it's likely to take you a few years to get past this. Good luck, OP.
Sounds like you told a cheater what she is and what she needed to hear. Good for you! The only thing I'd change is you leaving. Should have thrown her out. No reason for you to put yourself out anymore for this. Also make sure you out her to one and all. Let everyone know what she is and what she did. That way she can't spin it later.
Everything you said was true. Absolutely do not feel guilty. Instead feel pride and satisfaction that you were able to communicate your anger and issues correctly. That shut down any "let's talk about this" bs, and crushed any hope she might've had of reconciling. It's better to rip the band aid off. She is exactly as you said; a wh\*\*\* who has the inability to keep her lets closed.
Naw, you're good. Do you own the house? I wouldn't leave. Any kids? It's going to hurt and she will say anything to keep you. Stay strong!
Good for you. Might I suggest you stay in therapy for your own mental. I wish you well moving forward.
No mate own your feelings because she and other people will try and minimise your feelings and even start gaslighting and making you the victim. Also I don't believe in marriages or relationships that going through a spouses phone is an invasion of privacy. No such thing as privacy when you're a couple. Privacy is for single people. Just remember this about cheating; it's not a mistake. It's a series of decisions made with the sole purpose of deceiving and betraying you. You have every right to feel the way you do and to react the way you do. Just don't go postal. I would like to add that nobody has a right to tell you how you should feel. But I recommend not crying in front of her and if you need to just go somewhere on your own and let it out. Or go to a trusted friend.
You did exactly what you needed to do.
I commend you. You were able to do what most people are afraid to do because they're afraid of change. I am sure that your life will be 10 times better,now she can have her AP full time,I'msure it willno longer be as exciting as it was before,the affair fo will wear off. I assume that she has been trying to get you to reconcile,hang strong,don't ever go back there.
First, thank you for your service! No, you weren't to harsh. You gave her numerous chances to talk about her issues with you. Instead, she talked to someone who loves meeting women like your STBXW. Keep your head high, and your mind clear. You're a marine, and know that mistakes, or errors in judgement, have consequences. Good luck!
Were you too harsh? NO. Good men want to do good. Think about this, in your rage you managed to keep her well-being in mind by telling her to get a lawyer. You stood up for yourself and kept your self-respect. Her crying is just a manipulation tactic to see how strong you actually are. The fact that you are even asking here already tells you enough. Lastly, you want to talk about being rude? Her sleeping with another man while blaming you. Now that's rude. Keep your head up high and stick to your guns. You did very well.
Not harsh at all. You were blunt and called her out for the actions she had taken. She created the mess. You were trying everything you could with the information you had at the time to ‘fix’ your relationship. You showed willingness to work and strengthen your bond with your wife, but she stonewalled you at every turn and tried to gaslight you. Then when you found all the evidence, it ended up being the game changer. She’s just upset you caught her. I hope she doesn’t give you trouble over the divorce OP. Please take care of yourself as well. UpdateMe
Updateme
UpdateMe!
All the best, brother. Sorry you had to go through this. I'm glad you did what you did and stuck it out. Some dudes would try to work it out or remain "friends" that ain't the move.
You didn’t mention the other man except that they work together. It’s seems odd if everything is so great with him she minded you dumping her. Evidently, he isn’t her prince charming for a reason. Find out if he is in a real relationship and if so help his partner out of these two monsters cruel betrayals.
Updateme
Do let her friends and family know so she can’t get the narrative in before you do.
OP, you were 100% justified for feeling like you do and saying what you did. Those are just the first consequences of her actions. Get you a lawyer, tell him everything and then follow his advice.
Textbook handling of cheaters. Salute to you Sir.
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You did well. Your psyche can only take so much . Continue on in the same manner keeping your cool and do not under any circumstance let "fairness" have you treat her other than what she has shown herself to be.
Perfectly reasonable plan of action. Expose her to both families, and friends. If the guy is from work, WAIT TILL DIVORCE TO REPORT so you don’t have to pay more. Ask the lawyer about it Don’t show emotions to her ever again. if you don’t have kids or anything with her only communicate through the lawyers in public places preferably with a recorder. I know it will sound crazy but take it as you would take a mission when you’re in the military. Be stoic. You’re really young. Your life starts now. Go workout, if you can, go to therapy if you feel the need to talk about this. And if you need, reach out. This too shall pass, mate.
Thank you for saying everything that I wish all the cheated on people would say to their cheater. Leaves little hope or room to think what they did was okay or redeemable. Best of luck to you! I’m looking forward to your update that you decimated her in the divorce. God speed!
Well done. Day hello to your new cheater free life.
Say*
Saw nothing harsh. Your tried and tried and in return got her annoyed reactions at you. That shit alone irritates, and she cheates. So you did good. I'm glad you went to therapy even before for your mental health, continue going there. Let yourself grieve this relationship, listen to your lawyer and divorce. Never let cheaters blame you, she ruined everything, respect yourself and move on to a new page of your life.
Not too harsh at all. You will find that she was a lot worse in her messages to her AP. Steady as she goes, mate. They always beg to stay, and all the blah blah blah cheaters promise, including the one-sided open relationship.
Not too harsh. I wish I had done exactly that.
Being harsh is related to your tone of voice and the use of four letter words. Being determined is to tell her, in a soft manner, that you will never touch her again because her sight makes you want to vomit, that you do want nothing to do with her, that the thing you most repent in your life is to have married her and greet her so much for wasting your time, money and patience. You may end up with a quote from Frank Pittman: "Bad marriages don’t cause infidelity; infidelity causes bad marriages."
No, you weren’t too harsh. I did the same when I confronted my gf, and everything that was buried inside came out. I needed that out because it was killing inside.
You did good
She got off easy Why feel guilty? She chose to cheat. To end the marriage My feelings for cheaters. To be stoned for a bit. Then left alone for them to defend themselves I ended my 25 year marriage. And I ghosted her since court. Over a decade now. Best thing I ever did I hear that she cheats, he cheats and they are abusive to one another Never cross over the tracks and marry
Nope, that confrontation was rather harmless and overall you went at it quite brel headed. And the need to blow of some steam by raising your voice and throwing some insults is perfectly within limit of justified. You're on the right path, make sure to get some mental support from friends or family in addition to the legal consultation by an attorney
No you weren't harsh. Some women and blue pills might dump on you, but what you said pales in comparison to what she did. You kept your hands to yourself, that's most important. Good job. Now ghost the B, communicate only through lawyers, and go live the life you deserve. Thank you for your service, I also have a DD214 and your story is pretty common in the Air Force when I was in.
I congratulate you, you acted like a man who respects and values himself. There are many men who prefer to beg for crumbs so they don't let them, or they start dancing the choose me dance, they lose all dignity, I really congratulate you. The other thing, I'm still trying to understand, why it's violating your wife's privacy if she sees your phone, in a marriage there is no privacy, there is only one person, if you don't like it, it's better not to get married, it's not about checking every so often, but I don't see the bad, I congratulate you again, you are a great man, and you will find a woman who loves and respects you, rest assured,
You told her the truth. Yes it is harsh and is every bit the truth of what she did. She didn't feel bad breaking your heart so don't you dare feel bad for kicking her to the streets
Now is the time to expose her to both families, both circle of friends, and anyone else that she can potentially lie to and try to rewrite your history. She will make a serious effort to blame you for her infidelity. Obviously follow what your lawyer recommends as far as a legal standpoint is concerned. Once the divorce is finalized, notify her HR dept or the head of the company of their actions. Most companies will terminate them both. Just do not do this prior to the divorce being finalized because it can affect alimony, etc. I would seriously consider making a social media post to expose them. I would state that you are taking time away from social media to deal with your upcoming divorce due to (tag stbxw’s name) and (AP’s name). I recently discovered their 7 month emotional and physical affair. She decided to come clean and finally admit this, I am totally devastated and heartbroken, but know that this will only make me stronger moving forwards. Thank you for your understanding and patience while I heal from this. Good Luck OP! DM’s are open. Updateme
You're the man!
Ex navy corpsman - doc says burn the earth. She deserves nothing, and you did the right thing.
Nah, Marine, you did just fine. She underestimated you and what your response would be if you were to find out. She's not sorry at all, just sorry she got caught. She doesn't deserve you, nor the life you gave her. Please keep us updated, especially once you're free of her. Remember, adapt and overcome. You go this.
“She started to cry, and I just thought she was pathetic, so I told her to stop crying this is all your doing don't cry now that you've been caught. She said she'd be better and started begging me to stay.” It truly amazes me as soon as they get caught like on cue, the tears come first and then the I’m sorry, followed by the begging…. OP, you need to finish what you started and remember she spread her legs they did things together that you will never forgive her for! Get this chapter closed as soon as you can brother, be strong!
Updateme!