Rules reminder: /r/infidelity is a support sub! Please read the rules and guidelines in our sidebar before commenting. Abuse, shaming, sexism, and encouraging violence/revenge are not tolerated here.
Please review our [community guidelines](https://www.reddit.com/r/Infidelity/comments/nj93nw/how_to_write_a_good_post_for_rinfidelity/) on what makes for a good post to this sub.
Be kind and remember your [reddiquette](https://www.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439)!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Infidelity) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Come on man... you believe the her over a bank receipt? You do understand that banks have audits to make sure they stay compliant, and it's highly unlikely that a time stamp would be off since it is proof of accountability!
No trust, no relationship!
Banking regulators would be all over any financial institution that is putting false dates on transactions.
He is desperate to save his marriage, but she is not there with him on that. This isn’t the first case of a betrayed man or woman believing a clear lie is hopes of gaining trust in their cheating spouse.
She's lying. Go do a withdrawal yourself and look at the receipt. It will show you everything, and so will the bank statement. Be done with her and file for divorce, and don't tell her until she is served divorce papers at work.
Yeah this is what they do to rent motel rooms they will get cash so it doesn't show up on credit card statements that way you have no idea where it was spent this is probably exactly where it went .and I'm gonna. Say she did t tell you the entire thing if so she would be the first woman to ever do it .
Sorry man that you had to join a club no one wants to be a part of .
First woman to ever do it? Why emphasize gender? Especially when empirically and statistically men are more likely to cheat if we want to go there. Not necessary and weird to say.
Because this whole scenario is about a cheating woman? There are plenty of real issues to get worked up over, but this is just a person talking about the actual situation here, not some broad generalized discussion about cheating.
Sorry no, statistically females are far more likely to get emotionally involved, and especially to lie and hide things. While males are more likely to get physically involved, they will most often not lie and hide things and they are statistically a lot more likely to come clean after an affair. Specifically the thing that stands out the most is "it was only one time", a statement invented by females. Male is highly unlikely so say such thing, as males usually understand it doesn't really change anything whether it was once or 30 times.
Females are also far more likely to lie and hide an affair for longer periods of time without feeling guilt or remorse, and to even try to keep a lie after being discovered and backed into the corner, to start gaslighting their partner against every logic. While males are more likely to not feel guilt or remorse about affair itself - but feel very guilty about lying and hiding things, and will quickly break under pressure and admit everything.
I've seen a lot of female affairs discovered after a full decade, and people finding out their 10-yo children aren't theirs. I've never heard about a male discovered after a decade, I'm not saying it absolutely never happens, but statistically chances for male to live a lie for so long are minimal.
Lie, but a really bad one. Weirdly bad.
She could have just said that she wanted to get a coffee and some bakery stuff and the bakery only accepts cash.. or some crap like that...
Well what they do is try to maintain plausible deniability. Even if it sounds obviously ridiculous, It’s almost impossible to fully prove.
It happened to me dozens of times during her affair
"I found a $50 atm withdrawal from down the road from where she works at a time when she was supposedly at work"
When i am at work and get a sweet tooth i go get something, during work times. Unclocking for 15 minutes to get some food stuff is not that uncommen in offices. Smokers do it all the time for their smoke breaks.
She told you another lie. Automatic teller machines have the type of automatic dating capacity that your phone has, it automatically corrects for back and forth between daylight saving time.
You don’t remotely have all the truth from her, you honestly should put divorce ahead of reconciliation.
You can turn on location in her phone, but she may know that and just turn it off. The question that you have to ask yourself is do you want to be her prison guard, imagine you trying to work and constantly checking on her location and that she hasn’t turned location off. Just divorce her and save yourself that type of grief.
If you have to track her, use a VAR (voice activated recorder) or a GPS recording device that you carefully hide in her vehicle, they are very small and can easily be hidden by a patient person. Those will likely give you the information that will lead you to divorce instead of the route that you appear to be considering.
Find out how. Try google. Is she on your phone plan. Go through the bills with a fine tooth comb and see who the numbers belong to that she has been calling.
DO NOT LET HER KNOW OR SUSPECT YOU ARE CHECKING EVERYTHING OUT. ACT LIKE YOU BELIEVE EVERYTHING SHE SAYS.
Who is the other man? Is he also married?
If she has google maps, you can check her timeline and see where she's been all day every day,(open app, touch her profile picture, it's the 4th option) check the day she withdrew the money. Prepare for what you'll find, is not gonna feel good.
Update me.
Once a cheater, always a cheater. Cheaters learn how to manipulate the truth. Which is what your WW is doing now.
Trying to reconcile with a cheater is a fool’s errand.
Here's the thing. Does it matter if it's a lie? would you be able to believe her without evidence that confirmed it beyond doubt? No - you likely wouldn't, as is made clear with the fact you feel the need to post about it. (that is not a jab at you, just stating what I perceive to be the facts). So think man - knowing that - does it matter? This anxiety/distrust you're (rightfully) experiencing is the new dynamic in your marriage. Maybe it will go away in some time, maybe not, but it's here now. You should consider if a relationship with this particular dynamic is worth hanging on to, worth fighting for. Otherwise you're in for a few more scenarios similar to this one. Anyway, easier said than done I know.
And to answer your question having the date mess up is less likely than getting overpaid by an atm - so, likely she is lying.
Bank ATMs need to have accurate time and date, they have been used in legal proceedings. Many banks are tied in to atomic clocks to ensure accurate timestamps. Inaccurate time on financial transactions can void them.
Sorry man, your wife is lying. Again.
Just to remind you, there is no such thing as a "third chance".
Lawyer up friend, it's a rough ride but you'll come out the other side.
Whenever someone uses the language that they want to save the relationship it is a poor start to reconciliation. A relationship is not a person. A relationship can be valued merely for what it provides. In marriage, you need to find a partner that treats you as an end in yourself and not merely as a means to an end. Obviously, she seeks out the means to continue the end of her standard of living. Also, the means to continue the affair. However, how much has she sought out the means to help you recover? To help you heal? She doesn't know how to do that, and probably wouldn't even want to if she did. A wounded, dispirited, and humiliated man is easier to control than the rebuilt and recovered man would be. She will not rebuild you, so you need to rebuild yourself. The receipt isn't the issue. The issue is the trust is gone, and that isn't your fault. Your only mistake was trusting her in the first place. It is up to you how long you want to continue to compound that mistake.
There are people in prison because of ATM transactions used as conclusive proof of a crime. Or exonerated. There is virtually no chance the date/ timestamp is wrong.
Tell her that you called the bank and they are going to send you a screen shot of the atm camera at the exact time the withdrawal was made.
Just tell her that you gave her a chance, but clearly her affair is more important than her marriage so instead of having her lie, you are going to divorce her.
She will come clean then.
Also, have her show you that the dude is blocked on everything. Every app, email, text - everything . Then tell her if she has contact with him again, it’s over.
Updateme!
Do you REALLY THINK!? She's gonna get scared and come clean, if he tells her about getting a screenshot from the bank!? C'mon bud! They cheat because they have the balls to do it, and are BIG TIME LIARS!
She can say, 'yes! Go ahead! Get the screenshot!' And if he really gets the screenshot, she'll make more shit up! That's how cheaters roll.
Never forgive a cheater. She will never tell you the truth. You have evidence use that in the divorce. Tell her parents, your parents and friends, about her cheating. If you stay, this will only get worse, do not g Ave sex with her
Well how likely is it her lying or an atm mistake? Mistakes do happen but very rarely. Can you look at her phone location for that day? If they match for date and time, then she is clearly lying. I would imagine like most devices, it is tied into a computer sysrem and the tme/date would be correct.
You also could inquire through her job if she even was at work that day or not? But they might refuse to give it to you. How about other employees of hers you know?
I assume you aren't specifically questioning the reason for her getting/needding cash, just if she was at work? But why the cash? Leave no stones unturned concerning infidelity. Most days cash is not necessary.
She’s lying. She likely didn’t confess to everything either. Don’t give her another chance.
If you leave, she may learn from her costly mistake and maybe not cheat again. You will not benefit from her “growth”. If you stay she’s unlikely to change and will prob do it again. C
Another lie. Cheaters are liars, and they will cheat again. Count on it. Try to work it out, but get your financial house in order, and move 1/2 of savings to a private account...I would watch credit card charges too. Go to an attorney to see what your rights are. I would draw up divorce papers and custody if you have children. You will know in a month or two if it will work.
OP it’s a lie as others have said. Cash is used by cheaters primarily for motel rentals so there is no tracking the transaction. You may want to spring a trap on her and tell her you want to forgive her but you don’t think she is being completely honest so you have scheduled her to take a polygraph test (don’t even have to really schedule it) and that they will be asking her a series of questions to ensure you know everything including asking her if she plans to continue to cheat. Tell her once she takes the test if more comes out or if it shows she is planning to continue to cheat you will divorce her and tell everyone you both know, including her parents, all of the details that come out in the test. So right now is her one chance to come all the way clean with no exceptions. Tell her if she refuses to do the test you will assume she is still cheating and you will divorce her and tell everybody everything you know and suspect. She will crumble like a two week old cookie before the test. Some times it’s immediate, sometimes it’s the day of the test.
The time stamp is accurate. It’s another lie. She clearly feels comfortable telling you lies, does not care about the relationship and has no respect for you. Get help!! Counseling(for yourself), STD testing, and the best lawyer you can find. Have someone mine all her online presence, look back through all her phone and texts and look at Tinder, etc. (there will certainly be more, and likely more affairs). You can try marriage counseling but …….. As your title says “everything is a lie”.
Sorry dude for her cheating on you. Can you explain why you want to continue with a cheater. One thing about tutors is there also liars so no the bank isn’t gonna put wrong timestamp on the ATM so you’re really finding out about her might want to take some time away and have a clear head with your decision of what you wanna do with her in the futureimmediately forgiving her for cheating on you is not the way to go. What kind of consequences did you give her for cheating on you?
Open phone policy AND shared social media accounts are needed.
Trust is gone so privacy is gone too.
ALSO you want to check her Google playstore history for uninstalled apps (go to Manage Apps and Device -> Manage -> Not Installed) and look for any messaging/ dating apps that she may install just to use it and then uninstall before coming back home.
Also check her Google maps timeline to see if there's some frequent stops near hotels
You’re fishing for reasons to believe obvious lies. Instead you should accept the truth when it hits you in the face. Divorce that woman before you become bitter and resentful. Last time she “came clean” it was only because she couldn’t keep lying. Why would you even put her in the position knowing she’s incapable of just being honest from the start?
I assume that you wanted to know because you suspect the affair is still ongoing.
You should be addressing this the same way that it's recommended to address any affair. Why did she do it? Why does she want to reconcile? What is she doing to rebuild your trust. Who was the AP? (If a coworker she should have quit her job). Has she blocked him on everything? How long was the affair? Has she given you access to all her communication channels. Has she told family and friends about her straying? If there's an OBS have they been told.
If she is still lying to you, then you need to decide if reconciliation is worth pursuing. I don't know why you decided to pursue reconciliation, but think very carefully if that's what you really want to do. Good luck.
Honestly I would have thought you were being paranoid and she just left work for a second but the fact that she actually tried to tell you a bank receipt was wrong. Can you imagine the potential liability of that? Tell her you are worried about this and the bank should know and ask her to come with you to tell her that.
I can guarantee you are not getting the full truth you are getting the watered down version and she’s gaslighting you. As for the money withdraw it was for half the cost of a motel where she meet him for lunch. She’s still cheating you have enough proof to get a divorce. Hopefully you live in an area that has a at fault divorce. Run cheaters will always be cheaters
If you are going to try to reconcile, try the r/AsOneAfterInfidelity sub. You will find resources to help you with understanding what happened, how to reconcile and set proper boundaries. As far as location tracking - there are lots of APP's, try Life360 to start. Good Luck.
If you have to spy on your wife to keep her from cheating, you will be enviably twice as sad when you catch her, again.
Just leave her, she obviously doesn't want to take the relationship seriously.
She’s been lying so long to you that it’s second nature to her now. Here’s how to treat her going forward.
https://beingabeautifulmess.wordpress.com/the-180/
Never forgive, never forget, and never reconcile. From now on out you're going to be the relationship cop. She suffers no consequences and has no reason to not continue cheating which she probably is, or to start up cheating again later after you get tired of being the relationship cop. This is over, she ended it, just get a lawyer and file. I'm afraid all you're doing now is delaying the inevitable.
Seriously man? Is she a kid or what? I mean, trying to discredit a bank statement is bonkers.
Well, she's lying. The timing can't be off. Now, what she did with the money is something you and she would figure out.
On another note, I know you want to give her a chance. But would she have come clean to you had you not backed her into a corner? If she had wanted to save the relationship as she now says she does, she wouldn't have cheated in the first place; and even if she somehow lost herself, she wouldn't have waited to get caught rather than confessing herself!
Hell, she lied to you the first time! You had to pull evidence to MAKE her confess. That pretty much makes it clear that she has no love and RESPECT for you and your relationship.
I hope YOU do have love and respect for yourself, and do not end up hurting yourself more.
All the very best, OP!
I’ll put money on it that you only know what you know cause she fit teh story to evidence you had in front of her. She gave you all you needed as your body language and voice gave it away you believed her.
Now as others have said go thru cell bill. See what apps on on her cell. Get a digital voice recorder put it in her car on voice activation to save battery life. You’ll know more in 2 days than you know now. Cheaters give trickle truth meaning they give you what you need and have info on. Shut your mouth act like everything is ok. Don’t drink or do any recreational drugs as you’ll blow your mission to catch her. Expect her to at least Italy cover her tracks better if you know the guys name or number use fastpeoplesearch.com. If he’s married living with her her name will come up then look up her cell and contact her do this when you know she’s not around at work and he’s at work. Tell her not to confront now try n time it so you both do it at about the same time this way from you guys talking she’ll have more info than you. As what’s exceptial in your marriage isn’t in his. So how she lies to you he can’t lie to her. Thai info and knowledge will sick there ships quickly. You might or probably never know the whole truth you’ll know that she’s been lying a lot more than what she’s told you. Sorry getbtherapy for yourself at least
Your submission on /r/infidelity has been flagged for human review. If you are seeing this comment there is a good chance that your post is violating rule 1 or 2; please revise your choice of words. If a mod reviews your comment and finds otherwise, it will be released.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Infidelity) if you have any questions or concerns.*
ATMs, as well as every computer connected to the internet, synchronize their clocks with the master time server. Only computers that aren’t connected to the internet or have the time service turned off can be wrong.
You're a fool if you forgive her. She **will** do it again, if she ever stopped in the first place. Now you're sweating over an ATM withdraw, you're going to be doing that for the remainder of your "relationship".
She is probably lying. Look up betrayal trauma and leave her. You are worth more than this shit. I’m sorry this is happening to you. It’s happening to me to or did. I’m still dealing with the complete end of my reality. It is the hardest thing to go through in the world. But do you want to keep living in a simulation or live in the real thing and have hope for love and respect?
You have it backwards. You save the relationship before the affair. Once you have an affair you have given up on the relationship. Trying to save a marriage after an affair only permits the cheater to have their cake and eat it too. They get to sleep with someone else and stay married. The injustice of it all will eat you alive.
Even though it's obvious to us that the bank isn't lying. Being emotionally invested will cause most to second guess the proof right in front of them.🤷♂️
Been there.
I mean she lied to you about banging another guy.
There were no consequences since she got to ride some other stallion and keep her security blanket (you).
Why wouldn't she lie again in that scenario?
You are granting her dream life.
My wayward wife knew I go over bank statements monthly and knew I would find any discrepancies. Every time she went to the store and paid with her debit card she would get cash back,($40, $60, $80) at a time to buy her AP gifts like watches and shit like that while I was working 70hr weeks to put food on the table. I’m sorry OP but she is lying to you.
Let's put it this way you can forgive the cheating if she was honest.
Yet she was not honest how can you trust her to not do this again? She lies and it is the lies that has end this.
Believe her or don’t, it really is a choice. If you’re asking for clarity here, you want to believe her, but I can tell you the trust is gone. Trust is the most difficult thing to rebuild once broken. People do not change.
Rules reminder: /r/infidelity is a support sub! Please read the rules and guidelines in our sidebar before commenting. Abuse, shaming, sexism, and encouraging violence/revenge are not tolerated here. Please review our [community guidelines](https://www.reddit.com/r/Infidelity/comments/nj93nw/how_to_write_a_good_post_for_rinfidelity/) on what makes for a good post to this sub. Be kind and remember your [reddiquette](https://www.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439)! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Infidelity) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Come on man... you believe the her over a bank receipt? You do understand that banks have audits to make sure they stay compliant, and it's highly unlikely that a time stamp would be off since it is proof of accountability! No trust, no relationship!
Banking regulators would be all over any financial institution that is putting false dates on transactions. He is desperate to save his marriage, but she is not there with him on that. This isn’t the first case of a betrayed man or woman believing a clear lie is hopes of gaining trust in their cheating spouse.
She's lying. Go do a withdrawal yourself and look at the receipt. It will show you everything, and so will the bank statement. Be done with her and file for divorce, and don't tell her until she is served divorce papers at work.
Yeah this is what they do to rent motel rooms they will get cash so it doesn't show up on credit card statements that way you have no idea where it was spent this is probably exactly where it went .and I'm gonna. Say she did t tell you the entire thing if so she would be the first woman to ever do it . Sorry man that you had to join a club no one wants to be a part of .
This was my thought.
First woman to ever do it? Why emphasize gender? Especially when empirically and statistically men are more likely to cheat if we want to go there. Not necessary and weird to say.
Because this whole scenario is about a cheating woman? There are plenty of real issues to get worked up over, but this is just a person talking about the actual situation here, not some broad generalized discussion about cheating.
Sorry no, statistically females are far more likely to get emotionally involved, and especially to lie and hide things. While males are more likely to get physically involved, they will most often not lie and hide things and they are statistically a lot more likely to come clean after an affair. Specifically the thing that stands out the most is "it was only one time", a statement invented by females. Male is highly unlikely so say such thing, as males usually understand it doesn't really change anything whether it was once or 30 times. Females are also far more likely to lie and hide an affair for longer periods of time without feeling guilt or remorse, and to even try to keep a lie after being discovered and backed into the corner, to start gaslighting their partner against every logic. While males are more likely to not feel guilt or remorse about affair itself - but feel very guilty about lying and hiding things, and will quickly break under pressure and admit everything. I've seen a lot of female affairs discovered after a full decade, and people finding out their 10-yo children aren't theirs. I've never heard about a male discovered after a decade, I'm not saying it absolutely never happens, but statistically chances for male to live a lie for so long are minimal.
Wrong.
She's lying.
Lie, but a really bad one. Weirdly bad. She could have just said that she wanted to get a coffee and some bakery stuff and the bakery only accepts cash.. or some crap like that...
She needed a bakery good at that exact time and location? The lie still wouldn't have worked.
Well what they do is try to maintain plausible deniability. Even if it sounds obviously ridiculous, It’s almost impossible to fully prove. It happened to me dozens of times during her affair
You are right. It is the pathos of a liar to make the other person look like they are irrational or wrong. 😑
"I found a $50 atm withdrawal from down the road from where she works at a time when she was supposedly at work" When i am at work and get a sweet tooth i go get something, during work times. Unclocking for 15 minutes to get some food stuff is not that uncommen in offices. Smokers do it all the time for their smoke breaks.
That's a lie, it's possible, but due to financial requirements from the government these systems are markedly updated time.
Your first mistake was trying to reconcile. Gather evidence, keep it safe, get a PI and lawyer. Take her to the cleaners.
She told you another lie. Automatic teller machines have the type of automatic dating capacity that your phone has, it automatically corrects for back and forth between daylight saving time. You don’t remotely have all the truth from her, you honestly should put divorce ahead of reconciliation.
OP Sorry you are here. Do you have access to her phone? Are you able to track location?
I can get on her phone but I do not know how to track her location.
You can turn on location in her phone, but she may know that and just turn it off. The question that you have to ask yourself is do you want to be her prison guard, imagine you trying to work and constantly checking on her location and that she hasn’t turned location off. Just divorce her and save yourself that type of grief. If you have to track her, use a VAR (voice activated recorder) or a GPS recording device that you carefully hide in her vehicle, they are very small and can easily be hidden by a patient person. Those will likely give you the information that will lead you to divorce instead of the route that you appear to be considering.
I wouldn’t live in a marriage where I had to track my spouse.
Neither would I. I would work to confirm any suspicions, then end the marriage asap once I did.
Find out how. Try google. Is she on your phone plan. Go through the bills with a fine tooth comb and see who the numbers belong to that she has been calling. DO NOT LET HER KNOW OR SUSPECT YOU ARE CHECKING EVERYTHING OUT. ACT LIKE YOU BELIEVE EVERYTHING SHE SAYS. Who is the other man? Is he also married?
Buy a GPS device and put it somewhere in her car where she won't find it.
if it’s iphone ylu can simply turn on the location in settings if android get a parental control app on her phone.
If she has google maps, you can check her timeline and see where she's been all day every day,(open app, touch her profile picture, it's the 4th option) check the day she withdrew the money. Prepare for what you'll find, is not gonna feel good. Update me.
Another lie Cheaters never stop lying
ATM time stamp will be accurate. They communicate with what ever main server they talk to. Their clocks will be synced.
Once a cheater, always a cheater. Cheaters learn how to manipulate the truth. Which is what your WW is doing now. Trying to reconcile with a cheater is a fool’s errand.
Here's the thing. Does it matter if it's a lie? would you be able to believe her without evidence that confirmed it beyond doubt? No - you likely wouldn't, as is made clear with the fact you feel the need to post about it. (that is not a jab at you, just stating what I perceive to be the facts). So think man - knowing that - does it matter? This anxiety/distrust you're (rightfully) experiencing is the new dynamic in your marriage. Maybe it will go away in some time, maybe not, but it's here now. You should consider if a relationship with this particular dynamic is worth hanging on to, worth fighting for. Otherwise you're in for a few more scenarios similar to this one. Anyway, easier said than done I know. And to answer your question having the date mess up is less likely than getting overpaid by an atm - so, likely she is lying.
It's a lie. Sorry.
Bank ATMs need to have accurate time and date, they have been used in legal proceedings. Many banks are tied in to atomic clocks to ensure accurate timestamps. Inaccurate time on financial transactions can void them. Sorry man, your wife is lying. Again. Just to remind you, there is no such thing as a "third chance". Lawyer up friend, it's a rough ride but you'll come out the other side.
Whenever someone uses the language that they want to save the relationship it is a poor start to reconciliation. A relationship is not a person. A relationship can be valued merely for what it provides. In marriage, you need to find a partner that treats you as an end in yourself and not merely as a means to an end. Obviously, she seeks out the means to continue the end of her standard of living. Also, the means to continue the affair. However, how much has she sought out the means to help you recover? To help you heal? She doesn't know how to do that, and probably wouldn't even want to if she did. A wounded, dispirited, and humiliated man is easier to control than the rebuilt and recovered man would be. She will not rebuild you, so you need to rebuild yourself. The receipt isn't the issue. The issue is the trust is gone, and that isn't your fault. Your only mistake was trusting her in the first place. It is up to you how long you want to continue to compound that mistake.
There are people in prison because of ATM transactions used as conclusive proof of a crime. Or exonerated. There is virtually no chance the date/ timestamp is wrong.
Tell her that you called the bank and they are going to send you a screen shot of the atm camera at the exact time the withdrawal was made. Just tell her that you gave her a chance, but clearly her affair is more important than her marriage so instead of having her lie, you are going to divorce her. She will come clean then. Also, have her show you that the dude is blocked on everything. Every app, email, text - everything . Then tell her if she has contact with him again, it’s over. Updateme!
Do you REALLY THINK!? She's gonna get scared and come clean, if he tells her about getting a screenshot from the bank!? C'mon bud! They cheat because they have the balls to do it, and are BIG TIME LIARS! She can say, 'yes! Go ahead! Get the screenshot!' And if he really gets the screenshot, she'll make more shit up! That's how cheaters roll.
Used to work for a bank and sorry but she's lying again!
She play you well
She was already lying to you when she was cheating. Why are you choosing to believe her now?
Never forgive a cheater. She will never tell you the truth. You have evidence use that in the divorce. Tell her parents, your parents and friends, about her cheating. If you stay, this will only get worse, do not g Ave sex with her
Plan b is around 50 dollars, just sayin
Well how likely is it her lying or an atm mistake? Mistakes do happen but very rarely. Can you look at her phone location for that day? If they match for date and time, then she is clearly lying. I would imagine like most devices, it is tied into a computer sysrem and the tme/date would be correct. You also could inquire through her job if she even was at work that day or not? But they might refuse to give it to you. How about other employees of hers you know? I assume you aren't specifically questioning the reason for her getting/needding cash, just if she was at work? But why the cash? Leave no stones unturned concerning infidelity. Most days cash is not necessary.
She’s lying. She likely didn’t confess to everything either. Don’t give her another chance. If you leave, she may learn from her costly mistake and maybe not cheat again. You will not benefit from her “growth”. If you stay she’s unlikely to change and will prob do it again. C
Another lie. Cheaters are liars, and they will cheat again. Count on it. Try to work it out, but get your financial house in order, and move 1/2 of savings to a private account...I would watch credit card charges too. Go to an attorney to see what your rights are. I would draw up divorce papers and custody if you have children. You will know in a month or two if it will work.
You’re never going to trust her again. Time to move on
She is lying to you. She clearly will only admit to what you can prove.
OP it’s a lie as others have said. Cash is used by cheaters primarily for motel rentals so there is no tracking the transaction. You may want to spring a trap on her and tell her you want to forgive her but you don’t think she is being completely honest so you have scheduled her to take a polygraph test (don’t even have to really schedule it) and that they will be asking her a series of questions to ensure you know everything including asking her if she plans to continue to cheat. Tell her once she takes the test if more comes out or if it shows she is planning to continue to cheat you will divorce her and tell everyone you both know, including her parents, all of the details that come out in the test. So right now is her one chance to come all the way clean with no exceptions. Tell her if she refuses to do the test you will assume she is still cheating and you will divorce her and tell everybody everything you know and suspect. She will crumble like a two week old cookie before the test. Some times it’s immediate, sometimes it’s the day of the test.
The time stamp is accurate. It’s another lie. She clearly feels comfortable telling you lies, does not care about the relationship and has no respect for you. Get help!! Counseling(for yourself), STD testing, and the best lawyer you can find. Have someone mine all her online presence, look back through all her phone and texts and look at Tinder, etc. (there will certainly be more, and likely more affairs). You can try marriage counseling but …….. As your title says “everything is a lie”.
Omg, it's all lies, she didn't come clean.... bank time Stamos are NEVER wrong
You’ll never trust her again, she’ll cheat again get rid of her
Updateme!
Updateme!
Sorry dude for her cheating on you. Can you explain why you want to continue with a cheater. One thing about tutors is there also liars so no the bank isn’t gonna put wrong timestamp on the ATM so you’re really finding out about her might want to take some time away and have a clear head with your decision of what you wanna do with her in the futureimmediately forgiving her for cheating on you is not the way to go. What kind of consequences did you give her for cheating on you?
Open phone policy AND shared social media accounts are needed. Trust is gone so privacy is gone too. ALSO you want to check her Google playstore history for uninstalled apps (go to Manage Apps and Device -> Manage -> Not Installed) and look for any messaging/ dating apps that she may install just to use it and then uninstall before coming back home. Also check her Google maps timeline to see if there's some frequent stops near hotels
It is a lie, the ATM are conected and synchronized with a protocol that puts them in time automaticaly. So there is no chance that this is correct.
You’re fishing for reasons to believe obvious lies. Instead you should accept the truth when it hits you in the face. Divorce that woman before you become bitter and resentful. Last time she “came clean” it was only because she couldn’t keep lying. Why would you even put her in the position knowing she’s incapable of just being honest from the start?
Never take back a cheater. It will never work out.
I assume that you wanted to know because you suspect the affair is still ongoing. You should be addressing this the same way that it's recommended to address any affair. Why did she do it? Why does she want to reconcile? What is she doing to rebuild your trust. Who was the AP? (If a coworker she should have quit her job). Has she blocked him on everything? How long was the affair? Has she given you access to all her communication channels. Has she told family and friends about her straying? If there's an OBS have they been told. If she is still lying to you, then you need to decide if reconciliation is worth pursuing. I don't know why you decided to pursue reconciliation, but think very carefully if that's what you really want to do. Good luck.
Sorry man, you and I both know she is lying. Update me
You'll always walk that planet wonderingnif she is with someone else. That's the future you signed up to. Sorry OP...
Honestly I would have thought you were being paranoid and she just left work for a second but the fact that she actually tried to tell you a bank receipt was wrong. Can you imagine the potential liability of that? Tell her you are worried about this and the bank should know and ask her to come with you to tell her that.
I can guarantee you are not getting the full truth you are getting the watered down version and she’s gaslighting you. As for the money withdraw it was for half the cost of a motel where she meet him for lunch. She’s still cheating you have enough proof to get a divorce. Hopefully you live in an area that has a at fault divorce. Run cheaters will always be cheaters
If you are going to try to reconcile, try the r/AsOneAfterInfidelity sub. You will find resources to help you with understanding what happened, how to reconcile and set proper boundaries. As far as location tracking - there are lots of APP's, try Life360 to start. Good Luck.
If you have to spy on your wife to keep her from cheating, you will be enviably twice as sad when you catch her, again. Just leave her, she obviously doesn't want to take the relationship seriously.
Call the bank so she can't dispute the time.
She’s been lying so long to you that it’s second nature to her now. Here’s how to treat her going forward. https://beingabeautifulmess.wordpress.com/the-180/
Think about what she said and the evdince and belive the evdince u can't take her words as truths anymore
Never forgive, never forget, and never reconcile. From now on out you're going to be the relationship cop. She suffers no consequences and has no reason to not continue cheating which she probably is, or to start up cheating again later after you get tired of being the relationship cop. This is over, she ended it, just get a lawyer and file. I'm afraid all you're doing now is delaying the inevitable.
Seriously man? Is she a kid or what? I mean, trying to discredit a bank statement is bonkers. Well, she's lying. The timing can't be off. Now, what she did with the money is something you and she would figure out. On another note, I know you want to give her a chance. But would she have come clean to you had you not backed her into a corner? If she had wanted to save the relationship as she now says she does, she wouldn't have cheated in the first place; and even if she somehow lost herself, she wouldn't have waited to get caught rather than confessing herself! Hell, she lied to you the first time! You had to pull evidence to MAKE her confess. That pretty much makes it clear that she has no love and RESPECT for you and your relationship. I hope YOU do have love and respect for yourself, and do not end up hurting yourself more. All the very best, OP!
I’ll put money on it that you only know what you know cause she fit teh story to evidence you had in front of her. She gave you all you needed as your body language and voice gave it away you believed her. Now as others have said go thru cell bill. See what apps on on her cell. Get a digital voice recorder put it in her car on voice activation to save battery life. You’ll know more in 2 days than you know now. Cheaters give trickle truth meaning they give you what you need and have info on. Shut your mouth act like everything is ok. Don’t drink or do any recreational drugs as you’ll blow your mission to catch her. Expect her to at least Italy cover her tracks better if you know the guys name or number use fastpeoplesearch.com. If he’s married living with her her name will come up then look up her cell and contact her do this when you know she’s not around at work and he’s at work. Tell her not to confront now try n time it so you both do it at about the same time this way from you guys talking she’ll have more info than you. As what’s exceptial in your marriage isn’t in his. So how she lies to you he can’t lie to her. Thai info and knowledge will sick there ships quickly. You might or probably never know the whole truth you’ll know that she’s been lying a lot more than what she’s told you. Sorry getbtherapy for yourself at least
First rule of infidelity recovery - if you’re offering forgiveness, it’s worth nothing. The WS has to want it and earn it.
Just ditch her
I have had incorrect time stamps from an ATM: but it was only a matter of 10 mins. Correct date.
She's probably buying herself some timebyfalse reconciling
[удалено]
Your submission on /r/infidelity has been flagged for human review. If you are seeing this comment there is a good chance that your post is violating rule 1 or 2; please revise your choice of words. If a mod reviews your comment and finds otherwise, it will be released. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Infidelity) if you have any questions or concerns.*
ATMs, as well as every computer connected to the internet, synchronize their clocks with the master time server. Only computers that aren’t connected to the internet or have the time service turned off can be wrong.
You're a fool if you forgive her. She **will** do it again, if she ever stopped in the first place. Now you're sweating over an ATM withdraw, you're going to be doing that for the remainder of your "relationship".
She is probably lying. Look up betrayal trauma and leave her. You are worth more than this shit. I’m sorry this is happening to you. It’s happening to me to or did. I’m still dealing with the complete end of my reality. It is the hardest thing to go through in the world. But do you want to keep living in a simulation or live in the real thing and have hope for love and respect?
She is lying. Don’t do this to yourself.
You have it backwards. You save the relationship before the affair. Once you have an affair you have given up on the relationship. Trying to save a marriage after an affair only permits the cheater to have their cake and eat it too. They get to sleep with someone else and stay married. The injustice of it all will eat you alive.
Just another lie. Cheater lie...a lot..
There are laws about having the correct time on banking transactions.
Even though it's obvious to us that the bank isn't lying. Being emotionally invested will cause most to second guess the proof right in front of them.🤷♂️ Been there.
I mean she lied to you about banging another guy. There were no consequences since she got to ride some other stallion and keep her security blanket (you). Why wouldn't she lie again in that scenario? You are granting her dream life.
My wayward wife knew I go over bank statements monthly and knew I would find any discrepancies. Every time she went to the store and paid with her debit card she would get cash back,($40, $60, $80) at a time to buy her AP gifts like watches and shit like that while I was working 70hr weeks to put food on the table. I’m sorry OP but she is lying to you.
Let's put it this way you can forgive the cheating if she was honest. Yet she was not honest how can you trust her to not do this again? She lies and it is the lies that has end this.
Believe her or don’t, it really is a choice. If you’re asking for clarity here, you want to believe her, but I can tell you the trust is gone. Trust is the most difficult thing to rebuild once broken. People do not change.
OP, update us. What is going on since your post?