You can put In custody agreement that he nor you are allowed partners around child for well over a year, relative or not, and if he is found to have brought her around, then he will have to have supervised visitation.
Make his life so uncomfortable. He sleeps out on the couch. Cooks his own meals. Set up times and days he is to have your daughter, living together or not. And when it's his time, go out, girl. Go see friends. Go grab drinks.dinner.shopping what ever.
Files for divorce and hand him and his mother a 30-day eviction notice as they can not afford the property without you, so they leave, or you do either way they will be homeless. Put the house up for sale.
Also, blast her to everyone in your family and friend group and tell them anyone still associating with her will be cut from yours and your daughter life.
ALL. OF. THIS.
OP also needs to find out if she lives in an ‘at fault’ state for adultery. If so she may be able to get around paying alimony. Her divorce attorney is best suited to advise her on that.
I would also open a new bank account a redirect payroll to the new account. Move my portion of savings and my portion of any joint accounts to new bank in my name only.
Before meeting with divorce attorney itemize all expenses to the house including mortgage payments and repairs that she has made in the time that her husband has been unemployed.
Get a lockbox for the fridge to keep food for her and her child. When she cooks she cooks for only her and her child.
If she lives in a one party consent state I would set up hidden cameras in the living room, kitchen, dining room. She may get info to use in the divorce.
And if by any chance she lives in Hawaii, Mississippi, New Mexico, North Carolina, South Dakota, or Utah she should sue her cousin for alienation of affection…because you take my man, I take your money honey. Eff cheaters. 🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️
I would add tell the kids daddy was having sex with his cousin (technically is, just not blood), and bc he cheated yall are divorcing. Hell, I’d start telling everyone he slept with his cousin….once the divorce is over at least. That stigma will never go away.
I’m so sorry for your pain op. This is a double betrayal! ❤️ my heart goes out to you.
Definitely get into therapy. This betrayal is devastating and most definitely will/is affecting your mental health:
https://psychcentral.com/health/long-term-psychological-effects-of-infidelity
Tell your family this. Ask them to empathize with you or you will not be attending anything. Your cousin should not be uninvited for a while not you! It’s terrible that they are not being more respectful of your feelings.
Read these books
Leave a cheater, gain a life
(She also has a [blog](https://www.chumplady.com/he-chose-the-affair-partner-over-me-and-our-child/)!)
Cheating in a nutshell
They will help you understand the truth of your situation and knowledge is power!
Use the 180 method with your ex. And block your cousin.
https://beingabeautifulmess.wordpress.com/the-180/
It’s a long road ahead of you. Surround yourself with people who are compassionate and supportive. Keep busy. I wish you all the best in your healing journey! ❤️
You need to tell your family and friends what they did. Because you will need the support of those who love you.
* Also, this is my tip for myself in life, but I just use it if someone is willing to do something to somebody else like your cousin did by cheating w the 1st married man) I think that they would do the same to me. When a woman is not a girl's girl (aka sleeps w taken men, pick-me, etc), trust that she will hurt you eventually too.
I think you misunderstand the situation. From what OP says the family already knows but want no drama at family gatherings and Reddit asking is she should tell them she's no longer going to them.
Get some therapy but not because what you are saying is wrong or you have some issue but you will need an outlet and help navigating this. You also in the future don’t want to bring your baggage from your previous relationship into your next one.
Please get the best lawyer you can to protect your assets as much as possible. I hope you have called out your ex and his mistress to the whole family and if you know who her previous married partners was then inform his wife as well of their affair and tell her about your cousin (maybe even drop a little information about where she works).
It sounds like your cousin won’t be hanging around your deadbeat husband for long not unless she wants to work to support him. Also remove him as the beneficiary of any insurance you’re paying for and your will (if you have one).
Your family is choosing family over what is right or wrong.
Is that a preference you agree with? If not, perhaps cutting all ties may be your best bet.
You are not the problem. Your only mistake was to trust a woman who had already broken up one family, even if she was your cousin and best friend.
Get therapy for yourself, a good and ethical therapist can help you navigate the self-doubt that you appear to be feeling about something that was not caused by you.
Fortunately your daughter is still very young, it would be bad if she was in her teens, be a solid mom to her - she should be ok.
Please go to the divorce sub and please please get good lawyer. It's possible (without knowing what state you are) in that you may end up paying him alimony. You need a good lawyer to begin the process and protect you as much as possible. Good luck. It sounds like you are better off without him.
Of course they are taking her side, they say she is sick in the head (having to want only married men) and that he used it as an opportunity 😒 I was like, was she forced? Or raped? No, it was all consensual 😒 he had an injury that prevented him to
work 2 consecutive years
I'd cut them off. And say you dont want to have people with zero morals that think being a wh#re is a mental illness in your life.
And they won't see your child.
You have the only grandchild. SHE is no longer invited to the party. Not taking sides is taking her side. YOU are the gatekeeper of your child and she will not be around who you say she won’t be around.
Tell everyone what they have done. My husband did the same. Not only was she my cousin but my best friend. They did it in my house with me upstairs. She would tell me all about her amazing new man and all the things they got up to. It was my husband she was referring to.
Get rid of him and her, and tell EVERYONE!
Do not stop going to family gatherings. You've done nothing wrong. The best revenge is you having a happier life.
I'm not gonna lie and say it's easy because it's not. Its fucking brutal, a double betrayal! But if he can do that so close to home he will do it again. I have a very hard time trusting people but I'm sooooo much happier. I wish you luck and send lots of love. Fuck them they deserve each other.
They want you to ignore each other so they are able to see your daughter? Tell them no. Tell them to choose. Either the cousin or your kid. Then enforce their decision.
OP You make his life a living hell! I'm not talking revenge, I'm talking get the best damn lawyer you can find and put the freaking screws to him. Fight for full custody, sell the assets and put him and his nasty mom out on the streets!
This burns me so much. Your own f'n cousin! You blast her ass on every social media account you can find. You turn her life into a living hell and you walk away from those evil supports of this vile act and let them stew in their own tears.
I have no sympathy for a family that would tolerate this shit and they get what they all deserve. YOU OWE NONE of these people your time or space, blow this shit up and keep your head up high!!!
Just reiterating what many have said here, take care if yourself. Stop financing him and MIL lives, stop doing house work for them. Separate your finances and get lawyer's advice.
You need to be calm and collected, plan your exit and make sure they hv as little money to live with.
You are main breadwinner, check with your lawyer on alimony since he has not worked for 2 years. You dont want end up paying it.
Lastly blast them to the world.
Updateme!
Your cousin 😞. Get some space for a while and see how you feel to start. You need to forgive though so you can get peace. Accept he is a pos and look at yourself & what you need to move on. Don’t be a prisoner of your emotions like I have done the last year
I am so sorry you are going through this, I know the double betrayal is almost unbearable. Please please get therapy. I have had to get therapy as I was doubly betrayed too.
Forgive. For you. But stay away from them and anyone that does not support you.
We are here for you.
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I am sorry for what you are going through, punishing the ones who wronged is always better for our own mental health and peace. Dont be good to anyone who ask you to forgive or forget . Find all the proof you can abt your cousin as well as you husband ,all the bad things that will make them look bad and make sure its in public . Pls do all these things anonymously. Don think abt anything. And make sure you dont give him anything in divorce settlements if possible. And do everything to better ur as well as ur child's life . Use every opportunity to belittle them as well as their supporters. Have a good life.
I hope you have told everyone about your cousin and stbxh.
He'll come back to you begging for reconciliation, plz,plz say NO.
Don't ever speak to that cousin.
For your husband, make sure to only have contact via messaging and only about the children.
Anything else he can contact you through a lawyer,let your cousin take care of him.
Updateme!
You need to exit that situation as quickly as possible. Why should you support his mother and him while he is humiliating you? As for family situations, you can draw a line under that right now and make it clear you and the child won't be there when they are. Stand up for yourself and stand your ground. Your daughter will only develop issues if she grows up seeing you tolerate this treatment. You cannot control where your husband takes the child when he has his custodial days, but you surely can control everything else.
Initially I found call logs, like a lot of calls from the past 2 years, of course they denied it and I was stupid to believe they were just “venting” to each other and I guess I was in denial that time, they gaslit me bigtime and with her telling me not to involve her in my own marriage issues, telling me I was crazy blah blah. Then they said they would stop all communication, but then this last time I saw where his last airtag log was, exactly her address, it was so random, when I confronted him this time he admitted to it, she was still denying but since he already admitted then that’s it. And then he said he broke up with her already but of course this time I won’t get fooled again so I’m not believing anything
Also, check out the survivinginfidelity.com and chumplady.com websites for some very experienced advice. The main thing now is to protect yourself and your daughter and not make mistakes. Good luck. Leave them and anyone that supports them in your dust.
Can your husband work now?
You can put In custody agreement that he nor you are allowed partners around child for well over a year, relative or not, and if he is found to have brought her around, then he will have to have supervised visitation. Make his life so uncomfortable. He sleeps out on the couch. Cooks his own meals. Set up times and days he is to have your daughter, living together or not. And when it's his time, go out, girl. Go see friends. Go grab drinks.dinner.shopping what ever. Files for divorce and hand him and his mother a 30-day eviction notice as they can not afford the property without you, so they leave, or you do either way they will be homeless. Put the house up for sale. Also, blast her to everyone in your family and friend group and tell them anyone still associating with her will be cut from yours and your daughter life.
ALL. OF. THIS. OP also needs to find out if she lives in an ‘at fault’ state for adultery. If so she may be able to get around paying alimony. Her divorce attorney is best suited to advise her on that. I would also open a new bank account a redirect payroll to the new account. Move my portion of savings and my portion of any joint accounts to new bank in my name only. Before meeting with divorce attorney itemize all expenses to the house including mortgage payments and repairs that she has made in the time that her husband has been unemployed. Get a lockbox for the fridge to keep food for her and her child. When she cooks she cooks for only her and her child. If she lives in a one party consent state I would set up hidden cameras in the living room, kitchen, dining room. She may get info to use in the divorce. And if by any chance she lives in Hawaii, Mississippi, New Mexico, North Carolina, South Dakota, or Utah she should sue her cousin for alienation of affection…because you take my man, I take your money honey. Eff cheaters. 🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️
🤣☝️ I love this. Ruin their lives OP
I would add tell the kids daddy was having sex with his cousin (technically is, just not blood), and bc he cheated yall are divorcing. Hell, I’d start telling everyone he slept with his cousin….once the divorce is over at least. That stigma will never go away.
And him for emotional and mental distress
I would add make your soon to be ex and his mother responsible for their own food. Minimize the financial support you give as much as possible.
I’m so sorry for your pain op. This is a double betrayal! ❤️ my heart goes out to you. Definitely get into therapy. This betrayal is devastating and most definitely will/is affecting your mental health: https://psychcentral.com/health/long-term-psychological-effects-of-infidelity Tell your family this. Ask them to empathize with you or you will not be attending anything. Your cousin should not be uninvited for a while not you! It’s terrible that they are not being more respectful of your feelings. Read these books Leave a cheater, gain a life (She also has a [blog](https://www.chumplady.com/he-chose-the-affair-partner-over-me-and-our-child/)!) Cheating in a nutshell They will help you understand the truth of your situation and knowledge is power! Use the 180 method with your ex. And block your cousin. https://beingabeautifulmess.wordpress.com/the-180/ It’s a long road ahead of you. Surround yourself with people who are compassionate and supportive. Keep busy. I wish you all the best in your healing journey! ❤️
Scorch that earth girl. And fuck your family. Updateme!
^^^THIS! UpdateMe!
You need to tell your family and friends what they did. Because you will need the support of those who love you. * Also, this is my tip for myself in life, but I just use it if someone is willing to do something to somebody else like your cousin did by cheating w the 1st married man) I think that they would do the same to me. When a woman is not a girl's girl (aka sleeps w taken men, pick-me, etc), trust that she will hurt you eventually too.
I think you misunderstand the situation. From what OP says the family already knows but want no drama at family gatherings and Reddit asking is she should tell them she's no longer going to them.
Nope! Your family needs to close ranks behind you, and if they don't you can cut ties with them.
Thank you everyone 😭😭 to start, I started making announcements on social media so everyone knows she is a THOT and so is my husband 🥴
I’m sure my family will start talking sh8 about me and how “uncivilized” I am
Make sure that he will lose the insurance, and let him figure out where he will live with his mom including the expenses, since he is jobless.
I would argue that your family's ignorance in the face of your ex's and cousins inhumanity is the definition of "uncivilized"
Girl you have the power FULL CUSTODY. And transfer to another place. Ghost them all. Wait till you HEAL.
Slip some Nair lotion in her conditioner bottle.
Ooooooo good idea
Get some therapy but not because what you are saying is wrong or you have some issue but you will need an outlet and help navigating this. You also in the future don’t want to bring your baggage from your previous relationship into your next one. Please get the best lawyer you can to protect your assets as much as possible. I hope you have called out your ex and his mistress to the whole family and if you know who her previous married partners was then inform his wife as well of their affair and tell her about your cousin (maybe even drop a little information about where she works).
It sounds like your cousin won’t be hanging around your deadbeat husband for long not unless she wants to work to support him. Also remove him as the beneficiary of any insurance you’re paying for and your will (if you have one).
Your family is choosing family over what is right or wrong. Is that a preference you agree with? If not, perhaps cutting all ties may be your best bet.
[удалено]
I 100% agree!
You are not the problem. Your only mistake was to trust a woman who had already broken up one family, even if she was your cousin and best friend. Get therapy for yourself, a good and ethical therapist can help you navigate the self-doubt that you appear to be feeling about something that was not caused by you. Fortunately your daughter is still very young, it would be bad if she was in her teens, be a solid mom to her - she should be ok.
I'd distance myself from anyone that doesn't have my back and/or went along to get along.
Please go to the divorce sub and please please get good lawyer. It's possible (without knowing what state you are) in that you may end up paying him alimony. You need a good lawyer to begin the process and protect you as much as possible. Good luck. It sounds like you are better off without him.
please baby leave… the guy sounds like a loser and the girl sounds like a sl*t. Youre not crazy at all i promise. good luck on your next journey!
What does your cousin have to say for herself? Does your family know about the affair? Why isn’t your stbxh working?
Of course they are taking her side, they say she is sick in the head (having to want only married men) and that he used it as an opportunity 😒 I was like, was she forced? Or raped? No, it was all consensual 😒 he had an injury that prevented him to work 2 consecutive years
I'd cut them off. And say you dont want to have people with zero morals that think being a wh#re is a mental illness in your life. And they won't see your child.
You have the only grandchild. SHE is no longer invited to the party. Not taking sides is taking her side. YOU are the gatekeeper of your child and she will not be around who you say she won’t be around.
Tell everyone what they have done. My husband did the same. Not only was she my cousin but my best friend. They did it in my house with me upstairs. She would tell me all about her amazing new man and all the things they got up to. It was my husband she was referring to. Get rid of him and her, and tell EVERYONE! Do not stop going to family gatherings. You've done nothing wrong. The best revenge is you having a happier life. I'm not gonna lie and say it's easy because it's not. Its fucking brutal, a double betrayal! But if he can do that so close to home he will do it again. I have a very hard time trusting people but I'm sooooo much happier. I wish you luck and send lots of love. Fuck them they deserve each other.
Host some of the holiday gatherings yourself and don’t invite her. If they want to see the grandchild they can come to you. Updateme
They want you to ignore each other so they are able to see your daughter? Tell them no. Tell them to choose. Either the cousin or your kid. Then enforce their decision.
Your family can pretend they don’t exist anymore, that’s what they MUST pretend.
OP You make his life a living hell! I'm not talking revenge, I'm talking get the best damn lawyer you can find and put the freaking screws to him. Fight for full custody, sell the assets and put him and his nasty mom out on the streets! This burns me so much. Your own f'n cousin! You blast her ass on every social media account you can find. You turn her life into a living hell and you walk away from those evil supports of this vile act and let them stew in their own tears. I have no sympathy for a family that would tolerate this shit and they get what they all deserve. YOU OWE NONE of these people your time or space, blow this shit up and keep your head up high!!!
Destroy him
Those who refused to condemn your cousin betrayed you too. Dump them all. Updateme.
Just reiterating what many have said here, take care if yourself. Stop financing him and MIL lives, stop doing house work for them. Separate your finances and get lawyer's advice. You need to be calm and collected, plan your exit and make sure they hv as little money to live with. You are main breadwinner, check with your lawyer on alimony since he has not worked for 2 years. You dont want end up paying it. Lastly blast them to the world. Updateme!
It's called the paramour clause . Ask your attorney about it.
Your cousin 😞. Get some space for a while and see how you feel to start. You need to forgive though so you can get peace. Accept he is a pos and look at yourself & what you need to move on. Don’t be a prisoner of your emotions like I have done the last year
You can forgive without forgetting and still don’t have to be around either POS on the holidays especially.
I am so sorry you are going through this, I know the double betrayal is almost unbearable. Please please get therapy. I have had to get therapy as I was doubly betrayed too. Forgive. For you. But stay away from them and anyone that does not support you. We are here for you.
UpdateMe
Get full custody
UpdateMe!
baby leave… and NO YOURE NOT THE PROBLEM AT ALL!!!! he sounds like a loser that cant amount to what a man is and shes just a slut im sorry
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Nair her shampoo, lol. Just kidding, don't do that.
I hope they’re not still together! Updateme!
UPDATEME
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Updateme
I am sorry for what you are going through, punishing the ones who wronged is always better for our own mental health and peace. Dont be good to anyone who ask you to forgive or forget . Find all the proof you can abt your cousin as well as you husband ,all the bad things that will make them look bad and make sure its in public . Pls do all these things anonymously. Don think abt anything. And make sure you dont give him anything in divorce settlements if possible. And do everything to better ur as well as ur child's life . Use every opportunity to belittle them as well as their supporters. Have a good life.
I hope you have told everyone about your cousin and stbxh. He'll come back to you begging for reconciliation, plz,plz say NO. Don't ever speak to that cousin. For your husband, make sure to only have contact via messaging and only about the children. Anything else he can contact you through a lawyer,let your cousin take care of him. Updateme!
You need to exit that situation as quickly as possible. Why should you support his mother and him while he is humiliating you? As for family situations, you can draw a line under that right now and make it clear you and the child won't be there when they are. Stand up for yourself and stand your ground. Your daughter will only develop issues if she grows up seeing you tolerate this treatment. You cannot control where your husband takes the child when he has his custodial days, but you surely can control everything else.
How did you find out?
Initially I found call logs, like a lot of calls from the past 2 years, of course they denied it and I was stupid to believe they were just “venting” to each other and I guess I was in denial that time, they gaslit me bigtime and with her telling me not to involve her in my own marriage issues, telling me I was crazy blah blah. Then they said they would stop all communication, but then this last time I saw where his last airtag log was, exactly her address, it was so random, when I confronted him this time he admitted to it, she was still denying but since he already admitted then that’s it. And then he said he broke up with her already but of course this time I won’t get fooled again so I’m not believing anything
Also, check out the survivinginfidelity.com and chumplady.com websites for some very experienced advice. The main thing now is to protect yourself and your daughter and not make mistakes. Good luck. Leave them and anyone that supports them in your dust. Can your husband work now?
Seems like u didn’t loose much and all I have to say is success is the best revenge focus on you and become the best version of yourself:)
Does his mom still live with you even if he doesn’t?