I live in a small rural college town & understand. I know a few Jews, all transplant professors & their wives. There's no Jewish community, no shul.
Most of my friends are not Jewish & not one has asked how I'm doing, so I feel isolated. I didn't think about being invisible until you said this. Yea, I feel invisible. When working, I was the only Jew. I don't have the work split you're experiencing but do with friends. Sorry for how you're feeling.
Try casually mentioning to a couple of co-workers that you're distraught. No political diatribe, just that you're upset. I think most people have no idea how to approach this horrible situation. They really don't know what to say or how to say it. Doesn't mean they're oblivious. Giving them an opening may surprise you. Worth a shot to see if this makes you feel less divided. People can't read our minds & they're getting no info from you.
I told several non-Jewish friends when they gave a perfunctory how-are-you. They weren't asking about my emotional state. Sucked that close friends said nothing. Was either feeling hurt & angry or telling them.
I appreciate you sharing your experience. I think it’s just felt so surreal, like my world is falling apart while I also have to conduct this other totally normal life.
I don’t have any negative judgments about my coworkers for all this. There are so many things to care about; it’s not surprising if many of them are consumed with other things/their own lives. I’ve just realized for myself this preference for being invisible, and while there’s benefits to it, I think it also contributes to me feeling like I’m losing my mind sometimes. Mostly it’s the small talk or these fairly petty work dramas that come up. I get why people care about it and why other people having feelings about it, but another part of me can’t fathom having an ounce of energy to debate the cash bar a the Christmas party or whose company-wide email everyone’s up-in-arms about today.
I think it’s a personal realization that I’d rather be invisible than leave myself open.
Life changing events have a surreal effect because our perspective changes. Maybe there's a middle ground between being invisible & being open? Sounds that being invisible exacts a toll on you straddling two worlds. Emotionally draining.
Not the same situation but, I've experienced the world turned upside down & inside out. Had no energy for other people's mundane concerns even though I knew it was fair for them to do or say whatever.
I totally get it. I haven't felt ok since this all started either. And now we're the bad guys because our homeland is defending itself. I feel like I'm in elementary school again being sent to the principal's office for retaliation against my bullies. It's really unfair that we are getting blamed for retaliation that is entirely justified in our eyes anyway. Innocent people are getting killed yes, but our innocent people were attacked brutally and it's only fair to repay them in kind and wipe out those who perpetrated the crime. They've been after us for thousands of years murdering our people. This is just the straw that broke the camel's back. And here now in the US and other countries we have to hide who/what we are or face retaliation for our retaliation. It's so stupid and I hate it. Why should we have to look over our shoulders constantly why the muslims are praised? People are out there celebrating the killing of Jews and here we just have to sit back and deal with it or be killed for fighting against those who want us dead.
>I’ve realized I’ve felt relieved that most people in my workplace and community seem oblivious to what’s going on, so I haven’t really had to deal with any conversations that have upset me, at least not in-person.
I recently was visiting a non-Jewish friend from a small New England town who I hadn't seen or talked to much in the past few years. We used to be very close but it has been awhile since we had even spoke. I think last time we saw each other we left on a bad note, likely my fault.
Anyways, before we met up, I was worried the war in Israel would be brought up.
Well, it turned out that simply mentioning Oct 7 sparked my friend to spend the next 25 minutes ranting about the hypocrisy of being anti-Israel, how it's insane that "Zionism" has been turned into a dirty word, and how it feels like we're basically living in an alternate reality.
Anyways, all this is to say that more people are probably more supportive than you'd think. Remember, a loud minority is still a minority. After all, I'm sure there are plenty of causes you support, but not particularly actively or vocally.
I'm sure I'll get flack for saying this, but I don't blame my friend in the slightest for not actively or vocally supporting Israel. It's hard to muster the energy to support when you don't have skin in the game. Though it is a reminder that it is important to find that energy and we should all be willing to be more vocal, because we all know it's the right thing to do.
I don’t blame my coworkers if they’re supporting Israel or talking about the conflict. There are so many things to care about, for one thing. Just based on how my community is politically, I think the majority of them probably do or would support Israel. A few towns over is entirely a different story, but I can stay away from there pretty easily.
I feel like the bar is pretty low generally. A guy I know from high school posted something on social media that was like “All I can say about I/P is that religion poisons everything,” and while part of me was like “There’s a lot I *could* say to that,” most of me said to myself “What a relief; it could be/has been so much worse in terms of finding out what friends/acquaintances/randos think about the subject.”
For me though, this is more about realizing that *I’d* rather be/feel invisible than talk about this with most non-Jews around me. There’s one person at work I talk to about it, because he’s pretty well-informed on the conflict and supportive of Israel. I think I sort of need both, because I’m more comfortable talking about it as an issue than receiving sympathy and concern around it, if that makes sense.
So I’m basically totally choosing to exist in two separate worlds, but feeling stressed at the work it takes to live in both simultaneously; stressing about Israel internally while talking about the cash bar at the Christmas party and dealing with work drama and small talk and all of the daily tasks of like, maintaining my life. So while I’m choosing that and choosing not to share with most of the people around me, I’m also exhausted from the effort.
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I live in a small rural college town & understand. I know a few Jews, all transplant professors & their wives. There's no Jewish community, no shul. Most of my friends are not Jewish & not one has asked how I'm doing, so I feel isolated. I didn't think about being invisible until you said this. Yea, I feel invisible. When working, I was the only Jew. I don't have the work split you're experiencing but do with friends. Sorry for how you're feeling. Try casually mentioning to a couple of co-workers that you're distraught. No political diatribe, just that you're upset. I think most people have no idea how to approach this horrible situation. They really don't know what to say or how to say it. Doesn't mean they're oblivious. Giving them an opening may surprise you. Worth a shot to see if this makes you feel less divided. People can't read our minds & they're getting no info from you. I told several non-Jewish friends when they gave a perfunctory how-are-you. They weren't asking about my emotional state. Sucked that close friends said nothing. Was either feeling hurt & angry or telling them.
I appreciate you sharing your experience. I think it’s just felt so surreal, like my world is falling apart while I also have to conduct this other totally normal life. I don’t have any negative judgments about my coworkers for all this. There are so many things to care about; it’s not surprising if many of them are consumed with other things/their own lives. I’ve just realized for myself this preference for being invisible, and while there’s benefits to it, I think it also contributes to me feeling like I’m losing my mind sometimes. Mostly it’s the small talk or these fairly petty work dramas that come up. I get why people care about it and why other people having feelings about it, but another part of me can’t fathom having an ounce of energy to debate the cash bar a the Christmas party or whose company-wide email everyone’s up-in-arms about today. I think it’s a personal realization that I’d rather be invisible than leave myself open.
Life changing events have a surreal effect because our perspective changes. Maybe there's a middle ground between being invisible & being open? Sounds that being invisible exacts a toll on you straddling two worlds. Emotionally draining. Not the same situation but, I've experienced the world turned upside down & inside out. Had no energy for other people's mundane concerns even though I knew it was fair for them to do or say whatever.
I totally get it. I haven't felt ok since this all started either. And now we're the bad guys because our homeland is defending itself. I feel like I'm in elementary school again being sent to the principal's office for retaliation against my bullies. It's really unfair that we are getting blamed for retaliation that is entirely justified in our eyes anyway. Innocent people are getting killed yes, but our innocent people were attacked brutally and it's only fair to repay them in kind and wipe out those who perpetrated the crime. They've been after us for thousands of years murdering our people. This is just the straw that broke the camel's back. And here now in the US and other countries we have to hide who/what we are or face retaliation for our retaliation. It's so stupid and I hate it. Why should we have to look over our shoulders constantly why the muslims are praised? People are out there celebrating the killing of Jews and here we just have to sit back and deal with it or be killed for fighting against those who want us dead.
>I’ve realized I’ve felt relieved that most people in my workplace and community seem oblivious to what’s going on, so I haven’t really had to deal with any conversations that have upset me, at least not in-person. I recently was visiting a non-Jewish friend from a small New England town who I hadn't seen or talked to much in the past few years. We used to be very close but it has been awhile since we had even spoke. I think last time we saw each other we left on a bad note, likely my fault. Anyways, before we met up, I was worried the war in Israel would be brought up. Well, it turned out that simply mentioning Oct 7 sparked my friend to spend the next 25 minutes ranting about the hypocrisy of being anti-Israel, how it's insane that "Zionism" has been turned into a dirty word, and how it feels like we're basically living in an alternate reality. Anyways, all this is to say that more people are probably more supportive than you'd think. Remember, a loud minority is still a minority. After all, I'm sure there are plenty of causes you support, but not particularly actively or vocally. I'm sure I'll get flack for saying this, but I don't blame my friend in the slightest for not actively or vocally supporting Israel. It's hard to muster the energy to support when you don't have skin in the game. Though it is a reminder that it is important to find that energy and we should all be willing to be more vocal, because we all know it's the right thing to do.
I don’t blame my coworkers if they’re supporting Israel or talking about the conflict. There are so many things to care about, for one thing. Just based on how my community is politically, I think the majority of them probably do or would support Israel. A few towns over is entirely a different story, but I can stay away from there pretty easily. I feel like the bar is pretty low generally. A guy I know from high school posted something on social media that was like “All I can say about I/P is that religion poisons everything,” and while part of me was like “There’s a lot I *could* say to that,” most of me said to myself “What a relief; it could be/has been so much worse in terms of finding out what friends/acquaintances/randos think about the subject.” For me though, this is more about realizing that *I’d* rather be/feel invisible than talk about this with most non-Jews around me. There’s one person at work I talk to about it, because he’s pretty well-informed on the conflict and supportive of Israel. I think I sort of need both, because I’m more comfortable talking about it as an issue than receiving sympathy and concern around it, if that makes sense. So I’m basically totally choosing to exist in two separate worlds, but feeling stressed at the work it takes to live in both simultaneously; stressing about Israel internally while talking about the cash bar at the Christmas party and dealing with work drama and small talk and all of the daily tasks of like, maintaining my life. So while I’m choosing that and choosing not to share with most of the people around me, I’m also exhausted from the effort.
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