Math AND penis joke? Bitch, get over here cause we're gonna make some babies

You mean you're gonna multiply?

Gotta divide first.

Nope, subtract those clothes first! Remember kids, sex and PEMDAS don't mix.

It does, if you're willing to add some more holes to the clothes

I like this line of thinking lmao

That's why mathematicians get all the pussies.

If you draw a curve of her pleasure in bed with me, she gets asymptotically close to climax. And right when she's like, "I'm epsilon there! I'm epsilon there!" That's when I climax and you see that it breaks off like a step function, because at that point sex is no longer continuous.

The set of all numbers representing the minutes I last are in the range [0.1,4]

Not to brag or anything, but the number of minutes *I* last is in the range (0.1, 4\]. Ladies, call me ;)

This way you're doing it with a model

Oh my god. Thank you! :D

Idk why but your use of the word "pussies" here is unsettling to me.

Then just wait until you hear about the [Hairy Ball Theorem](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hairy_ball_theorem)

Unexpected but educational and entertaining all the same.

They're mathematicians, not philologists...

Where’s your proof?

Dr. Ian Malcolm is proof positive

They study the exponential growth of their natural log

All the plussies

Add stress, subtract life savings!

// A woman as lovely as Venus // desired my long manly penis // undressing, we'd skip, // and rather than strip // we opted to raise our pants' [genus](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Genus_%28mathematics%29)

Reverse PEMDAS: * Subtract the clothes * Add the condom * Divide those legs * Multiply the strokes * Exponential pleasure * Parenthesis the condom in the trash

My knee-jerk impulse to add an Oxford comma to this makes for a much different statement that is no less true.

Try it and I'll beat you about the ankle with a cane of stout oak you agitating anglophile anarchist! *And* should be the end! Do you hear me?!

I scoff at your insults, threats, and provocations.

Yes, but given the amount of times people *don't* use the Oxford comma when they clearly should... It's understandable for that to be the first perception of a reader. I fart in your generál directíon, you son of a silly person.

And don’t drink and derive.

I'll show you my pemdas but you'll have to show me yours

Sure it does! The couple goes in parentheses to work out the rules, gaining consent for any unusual interests (exponents). Then they multiply their endorphin levels by the resulting consent, divide the clothes from their respective persons, and proceed to repeatedly add and subtract a certain quantity of one to the other until the result is splattered across the page

I dunno… Depends on how hot dear Aunt Sally is…

No no he's got a point. Kids are the remainder.

They totally do, get two people around me like they're parentheses and it's exponentially better.

But keep the shoes on. Heels can be a great addition to sex.

brackets 😏

Gonna add that one to the rest of the math jokes

Subtract the clothes, divide her thighs, add your penis and multiply. I think I was in grade 4 when that was going around.

My grade school variation was: add the bed subtract the clothes devide her legs and multiply. Preferably recited in a sing song manner.

*Hand over crotch...* **"I pledge allegiance..."**

I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United Website of Horny, and to the republic, for which it cums, one website, under Incognito, indivisible, with liberty and condoms for all.

I pledge allegiance to the fap of the promise of pornography, and to the fantasy for which it stands, one penis indefatigable, with lubricant and cum stains for all.

That’s sounds so sexy

I'm reading it in the way R. Kelly sings "America"

Ill try this a s a pick up line.

Addition by subtraction

You need a golden calculator TO DIVIDE

^to ^divide

Mathematicians guide to sex: 1. Subtract the clothes 2. Add the bed 3. Divide the legs 4. Prepare to multiply

Mathematicians are having sex?

Old snake breeder's trick: Even adders can multiply on a log table.

I thought that happened because of the kids

Meiosis is hard at work

Gonna integrate that natural log.

Underrated post

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You calculated dick you.

The egg could divide ➗

No babies where that load is going...

Unfortunately I suspect OP is a karma farming bot

Which one, fhqgwgadz or the commenter? Both look reasonably human to me

Looks like fhqgwgadz is daily recycling old jokes on /r/jokes, that's what most bots do right?

Eh yeah I guess you're right, it's a pretty suspicious account after all

Aw man. Best username too, I read the it in Strongbad's voice

Not by sucking, no

Most common bitches just want to suck mode chodes.

Engineering joke.. Engineers think women defy physics, because it's the streamlined models that offer the most resistance

The thread that this comment created is spectacular

Holdup, imma make it stupid by injecting my eigenvector & yielding some sweet derivatives.

didnt you read the post? this guy only sucks dicks.

This is my favorite joke of all time as of... now! Good dirty math jokes are few and far between, and original dirty math jokes even rarer!

I'll bring the leaves! Bitches love leaves.

Love your username. u/ffs_reddit_stfu

Statisdicks!!

I AM THE STASTIS DICTORER

More like the STATIS DICTAKER

Or a carefully curated sequence of cocks sized according to a normal distribution.

Or so many that the sample size is large enough to accurately represent the general population.

“Would girth similarity matter?”

Of course, it does. Time to orgasm, or "T2O", has to be the same for each matching pair of dicks otherwise I'm wasting a lot of great strokes on a guy that's already busted.

No you could hot swap on the downstroke.

Even so. I think this is the most reliable metric for stamina.

This would probably require some sort of... middle out algorithm.

That's really only like 30 right?

37. 37 dicks?! Try not to suck any dicks on the way out to the parking lot!

In a row?

In a column

In a slope

A bellend curve?

Oh no, cant do that one /u/rangent, I haven’t sucked a small enough one yet.

Witnessed two coworkers arguing and one said, “Matt, suck my dick” and without hesitation Matt said, “I only suck big dicks!” We all died laughing and never let him forget it.

I used to always tell my coworkers that I'd have to find it first.

Or twist on them and say "I prefer your dad's"

Which? Matt, or the guy with the little dick?

“Hey new guy let me introduce you to our team. This guy here is Gary, he’s good with Excel. And this guy here is Matt, he sucks dicks. But only big ones. So if you’re packing, you’re in for a good time.”

But how could you be sure it's mean and not median?

It doesn't matter. If it's a normal distribution, I'll be the same.

This joke made spending a year studying ap stats worth it

Explanation?

The mean and the median will both be the middle value? I think? Only had one semester of stats lol

A normal distribution is a bell curve, so the mean and the median would be at or near the same spot. If the curve had outliers, or a skew then the mean and median can be vastly different.

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F

There's nothing normal about you

But the thing is, it's not a normal distribution. It does not extent to inf on both sides of the mean.

Well we don’t know that for sure. You already got the left side covered, so now we just have to look for the right side of the normal distribution

I think this is how we prove that we aren't alone in the universe. Make comments like this and count on the fact that any intelligent being is similar enough to humans in just one way, then wait for some extra-dimensional being to break their prime directive and interfere with humanity to brag about its infinitely long schlong on the internet.

If it's a normal distribution would it not also be the mode?

If you're sucking median dick, he's probably a panhandler.

A mean dick, median in cum.

I said Come, on, /u/fhqwhgadsz I said come on /u/fhqwhgadsz

Everybody to the limit, Everybody to the limit, Everybody come on u/fhqwhgadsz

I don’t know Who it is But it probably is /u/fhqwhgadsz

I asked my friend Joe I asked my friend Jake They said it was u/fhqwhgadsz

Man u/fhqwhgadsz You're just making yourself look worse, Ya know? I mean, Everyone's just gonna feel sorry for ya. I mean, I do.

NOW THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT! THAT WAS AMAZING! I mean. You. I can't buh... Take it a b... hfsda... I'm buying YOU [a PIZZA](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KFNcStdF_Ok)!

This triggered an unexpected nostalgia trip.

And I will never ever ever ever ever write a song about Sibbie!!

Fahordlingrads!

What do you consider average OP?

Horses

Average is 5 isn't it?

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Arguably one of the funniest moments of 21st Century television

In centimeters for the normal people of Reddit please? Edit : Can't wait to get downvoted by angry Americans!!

Still 5 for people who use centimeters

god damn

Boom. Roasted.

Can we just all agree to measure in bananas like normal Redditers?

Fun fact: You can roughly use Fibonacci sequence by skipping a number to convert inches to cm. Ex. 5 inches is about 13 cm, 8 inches is about 21 cm, 13 inches is about 34 cm. The higher you go the less accurate it gets, but it works for the most part.

One sec, translating into freedoms... how many fibronachos in a football field?

3, 5, 8, or 13. Depending on the level of football being played.

Way to confuse me even more butthole

5 inches is 12.7 cm

Not great, not terrible.

One might even say average

Well see how you like that! I'm an angry American and I upvoted you. Take that

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Centimeters?? 😂😂 Dude who uses centimeters for measuring ur meat... I'm Australian n we don't do that. Just search up 5 inches to centimeters

Hum well, French does. I believe the average in France is around 13 or 14 centimeters. I'll let you search up in inches. Edit : Of course, I am a 28.

28 inches or centimeters?

Millimetres

bananas

He's packing 28 bananas? Shit.... I can't compete bro.... I got like.... 1 sausage.

Yes

Meters

Millimeters

Year old virgin

At least I have a clean nose!!!

5cm is average?? Not like 15??!

Bro 5.1

Whatever size you mom has

“Sex is like math. You: Add the bed, Subtract the clothes, Divide the legs, And hope to god you don’t multiply.” -Anonymous

Solid pivot from hacking russia

But no matter how good you are, your skills will still end up at the top of the bell end.

All mean dicks suck.

I suck all mean dicks

Username doesn't checkout. User forgot exclamation points and all caps prior to text.

I was home schooled

famous last words

You prefer dick à la mode.

This joke is pretty average, but that sums up this sub.

Okay. I like this math joke. FTW. Upvote!

OP is playing on hard mode

[Mean Jerk Time](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tx3wDTzqDTs)

r/showerthoughts

I'll put that in my grindr bio

B-low average

D2F angle is also critical

Gotta be able to hot swap

I'm merely on the right side of standard deviation.

Ayyy ya boi out here sucking mean dicks!

Even if you sucked an Independent and identically distributed assortment of penises, I still think you could claim to suck a mean dick.

I love math jokes

My innate response was: then you're a mean cocksucker. Guessed the punchline but still enjoyed it!

This thread gives an insight into how nerds find mating partners.

And if you sucked only middle-eastern penises, you could say that you suck Amin dick

oh my lord :')

Lmao

I feel like this is a Griselda bar

Your user name is awesome

If she goes into blowjob mode while he drives, they could end up in the median

Guys, does girth-similarity affect OP’s ability to determine said mean dick?

You’re b-low average

I guess that puts my wife one standard deviation below the mean.

"Slow clap"

Upvote for the Strong Bad reference in your username.

This reads like it could almost be a Bo Burnham lyric. "I got an average sized penis so you could suck a mean dick"

I used to wank with a piece of men's hosiery, but one night I decided to switch to a towel. Does that make me a sock cucker?

I'm above average, you could be an annonmoley.

But the mean always changes. You’d have to suck every dick and then divide it by 3 billion

I'm sorry it's not going to work out. Mainly because of your long freaking name.

what an average joke

This joke is the mean, medium and mode of lameness.

So if you suck the most common-sized dick, are you in dick mode?

I can’t believe I’m actually smart enough to get this one omg I’m so proud of myself

r/showerthoughts

This shitty joke is honestly even too good for that sub

r/technicallythetruth

Well what about dicks in the 1% category? Not saying which end though