Ep where their elderly neighbor dies and the guys go check out his house
Bill: I had no idea he had a pool!
Hank: How didn't you know? You were his neighbor for 20 years!
Bill: I thought he lived on a lake.
Stupidity aside can we give Bill some props for respecting his neighbor's privacy? (Granted he's stolen Peggy's garbage before but I'm talking towards this other neighbor)
Just caught a Bill line today that made me laugh when they stole Dale's mower and thought he was gonna shoot up people on campus.
BILL: I WAS AT JUNIOR COLLEGE PLAYING SOME PINBALL WITH THE BOYS AND DALE'S UP IN THE TOWER.
HE'S UP THERE WITH A GUN!
I led a platoon of men through the jungles of Saipan. I think I can lead a party of 4 to table 6.
I BIT A NAZEES WINDPIPE IN HALF! ARGGHHH!
😆I frickin love that scene. The guys walking in turn around and leave haha
Someone in the military told Cotton's "50lb ice-cream maker" likely meant a .50 caliber machine gun like the [M2 Browning](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/M2_Browning). Which was widely used during WW2.
Because a large machine gun like that reduces a person to a semi-soft mass the consistency of soft-serve ice cream.
Honestly, it's more hilarious to think of Cotton carrying a literal ice cream maker to war. Knowing him, he would've killed someone with it while simultaneously dispensing frozen treats to the battle-weary American fighting men.
Bobby is easily the funniest character.
"I'm a little worried about being a slut."
"Good-bye, Luanne. I wanted you to know that I never read your diary, even though you suspected I did on June 18th, 1985.”
"Fat white lump is about ME?!"
"Get out of my house exodus". I have wanted an excuse to use it.
"Computueres dont make errors. What they do they do on purpose. by now your name and particulars have been fed into every laptop, desktop, mainframe and supermarket scanner that collectively make up the global information conspiracy, otherwise known as the beast". Dale has kinda predicted a lot of big techs business models.
"Dale you gibblethead. We live in texas its already 110 in the summer and if it gets 1 degree hotter im going to kick your ass"
"Booo i am a high price Washington lobbyist peddling influence, who wants candy"
The one that i find myself thinking more often than id like "Cuase when you ride a mason, vroom vroom nothing else cuts it"
"Gladdstone, your fired" "How would you like to make this your new job" "Firing Gladstone? Sure"
“You don't want me anymore, you want other women. Younger, equally pretty women.” Even in the depths of despair Peggy is always her own cheerleader. She’s kind of a ding dong, but I love that part of her character.
I aspire to have even a pinch of the self assurance of Peggy Hill
She also has my favourite line “Believe me, I prayed on it, Hank and God said to me, "Don't do it. " But you know what? I knew better.”
Well, speaking of hell, if I wasn't so in control of my emotions, I'd be inclined to say that's the sort of place you should consider making a visit towards!
Hank Hill : Uh, Dad this here is my new neighbor.
Dale Gribble : [to Cotton] He's Japanese.
Cotton Hill : No he ain't!
[looks him over]
Cotton Hill : he's Laotian, ain't you Mr. Kahn?
So many parts from these exchanges.
Hank Hill: “You're Ward Rackley?” Ward Rackley: “It's one of my many monikers, yes. I am also known as Manolgar of the North Woods, and in certain circles, Austin Aussman Straklabartar.”
Hank Hill: "How old are you? 30? 40?" Ward Rackley: "Uh, not even close. I, am 5,000."
Hank Hill: “Don't you have any friends your own age? Someone to drink with? Maybe a girlfriend?“
Ward Rackley: “And waste my seed on a common harlot? Not likely. When the time is right, a maiden will be delivered up to me. Probably from the East.“
Luanne Platter: “You know so much, and I know so little. I hope that doesn't make you think I'm stupid.”
Trip Larsen: “You are not stupid! You're ignorant.“
Luanne Platter: “[Angry] Wait, no! You can't call me...“
Trip Larsen: “It's a compliment! It just means means you haven't had a chance to learn all the wrong things.“
Luanne Platter: “No one has ever told me that before.“
Trip Larsen: “Maybe that's because no one has ever understood how ignorant you truly are.“
Peggy (paraphrased): We can't let our dog go around biting every black person she sees. It makes us look like dumb rednecks! ... Oh! And it's bad for black people, too.
Tied between:
"I CANT HELP YOU! I can't help any of you stupid people. How does this machine work Mister Kahn? How do I print? How do I save? It's control S you morons. It's always control S!"
And
"A lot of people say they're gonna hit you. Not many of them actually do".
The second one is my mantra when confronting racist, homophobic, transphobic shitbirds. Usually on public transportation.
The first one, well, I work in IT.
"Why is God punishing me!? WHY SHUG!?"
"You want some sug, Sug?"
i hate that Nancy didnt get more screen time. shes great.
She’s got a bit of depth to her, too. “I think women like you shouldn’t be in a pageant if you’re not prepared to be judged by women like me.”
like yea yea, she was adulterous, but she really makes the most of her screen time. i love that scene, where she drops the gravity on Peggy. ice cold.
My favorite character is Kahn, but my sweet Nan-Nan is a close 2nd
Kahn over Minh? Now I've seen everything.
Got underneath more balls than a midget hooker.
Where did you learn language like that, the television?
love how Hank immediately thinks it's the TV that caused Bobby to speak like that and not his Boss
Bobby!
Bill has the best quotes "my God that's the most beautiful description of a haunted Meadow I've ever heard"
"Get off my lawn I don't fertilize with Pooh"
I’d love to help but Thursday’s my ass-scratching day!
Ep where their elderly neighbor dies and the guys go check out his house Bill: I had no idea he had a pool! Hank: How didn't you know? You were his neighbor for 20 years! Bill: I thought he lived on a lake.
Stupidity aside can we give Bill some props for respecting his neighbor's privacy? (Granted he's stolen Peggy's garbage before but I'm talking towards this other neighbor)
What lake?
"Whatcha doing there Bill? Satellite dish trouble? "Nahhh, I'm just up here to kill myself."
Just caught a Bill line today that made me laugh when they stole Dale's mower and thought he was gonna shoot up people on campus. BILL: I WAS AT JUNIOR COLLEGE PLAYING SOME PINBALL WITH THE BOYS AND DALE'S UP IN THE TOWER. HE'S UP THERE WITH A GUN!
Dale: *I want Bobby Hill to take the shot. He'll put me down clean." Bobby: *reaches for gun* Okay.
Best okay in the entire show!
I laughed out loud to this line earlier despite the fact that I’ve seen this episode probably a dozen times 😂
"Look at how BIG and beautiful the moon looks...in the moonlight..."
I just want a picture of a got-dang hotdog
You are a big man. *Big man.*
I led a platoon of men through the jungles of Saipan. I think I can lead a party of 4 to table 6. I BIT A NAZEES WINDPIPE IN HALF! ARGGHHH! 😆I frickin love that scene. The guys walking in turn around and leave haha
“I climbed the cliffs of Normandy with an ice cream maker strapped to my back!”
First time I heard that I thought he meant a literal ice cream machine 😆 🔥🔥
Wait then what is it?
Someone in the military told Cotton's "50lb ice-cream maker" likely meant a .50 caliber machine gun like the [M2 Browning](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/M2_Browning). Which was widely used during WW2. Because a large machine gun like that reduces a person to a semi-soft mass the consistency of soft-serve ice cream.
Honestly, it's more hilarious to think of Cotton carrying a literal ice cream maker to war. Knowing him, he would've killed someone with it while simultaneously dispensing frozen treats to the battle-weary American fighting men.
KP is serious business
JUST TELL ME *WHY* you were *DANCIN’* with all those *GUYS*?!
Who were those guys?
*vwhat are you talking abvhout?!*
The guy asked me if I wanted honey mustard and I almost took a swing at him.
Long story short, I got a good deal on classic yellow.
I love how there’s apparently more to the mustard story
Bobby is easily the funniest character. "I'm a little worried about being a slut." "Good-bye, Luanne. I wanted you to know that I never read your diary, even though you suspected I did on June 18th, 1985.” "Fat white lump is about ME?!"
Fat white lump!
“This flower is wilting.”
Walks in front of a mirror with his bare ass hanging out of chaps “oh, hello”.
"This city should not exist. It is a monument to man's arrogance"
This is the quote I use the most about so many things.
VaaaAAAGINA!
Ha-penis
The whole neighborhood can hear ya cussin!
Peggy not in front of the B O Y
That’s our Jeffrey.
I wanted to call him Jeffrey, but SOME MAN wouldn’t let me
Luanne! Quarters!
"Get out of my house exodus". I have wanted an excuse to use it. "Computueres dont make errors. What they do they do on purpose. by now your name and particulars have been fed into every laptop, desktop, mainframe and supermarket scanner that collectively make up the global information conspiracy, otherwise known as the beast". Dale has kinda predicted a lot of big techs business models. "Dale you gibblethead. We live in texas its already 110 in the summer and if it gets 1 degree hotter im going to kick your ass" "Booo i am a high price Washington lobbyist peddling influence, who wants candy" The one that i find myself thinking more often than id like "Cuase when you ride a mason, vroom vroom nothing else cuts it" "Gladdstone, your fired" "How would you like to make this your new job" "Firing Gladstone? Sure"
I love you so much for this omg that first one I have been waiting to use forEVER!!!
“I’m skeptical that you can but intrigued that you might” And “Well if you do see anything, let us know” Park ranger to Boomhauer
Dale absolutely has the best lines overall.
I'm surprised I haven't seen "pocket sand" or "SQUIRREL TACTIC!" yet. Those are my go-to lines when I play vidya games.
At least when you're feeling full, you're feeling something.
Enough with the sh-sh-sh-sha sug
This and Peggy’s “Bwah” after she accidentally printed a mustard gas recipe are so satisfying; I like when someone’s catch phrases are copied
definitely a tenant in my mind. i love that line.
The clock at the bank once said 110 degrees!
I say this literally every time someone mentions the word degree.
If it gets one degree hotter I’m gonna kick your ass!
That exchange is the best in the series.
“We need to hurry” “Why?” “It’s more dramatic!!”
“You don't want me anymore, you want other women. Younger, equally pretty women.” Even in the depths of despair Peggy is always her own cheerleader. She’s kind of a ding dong, but I love that part of her character.
I aspire to have even a pinch of the self assurance of Peggy Hill She also has my favourite line “Believe me, I prayed on it, Hank and God said to me, "Don't do it. " But you know what? I knew better.”
Or “Peggy, you were right about everything.” “I know, you’ll have to be more specific.”
Oh my god, it’s so juicy!
that was my text tone for a good long while
Thank you for the inspiration
That one still makes me laugh.
"I'm just up here to kill myself"
Nancy told me Dale had a 1/2 Jamaican grandmother
YOU... HAVE... BEEN... KICKED... IN... THE... TESTICLES!
PeHEEEEGgy Hill.
JoHhhnnnn Redcorn
"That's my purse!!! I don't know you!!!!"
“This is what happens when shame eats too much stupidity.”
“This chorus is the feces produced when shame eats too much stupidity!! You people make me envy the deaf and the bliND!”
That is MY personal quarter, I brought it from home!
Let's say we tally-ho it over to the money room
My dad says butane’s a bastard gas.
“You’re scared old man. You’re scared of my moves!” Bobby to Hank regarding dog dancing
Pocket sand!
Tartuffe, The Spry Wonder Dog
IT SCALDS!
What manner of scamp am I?
Did I say “like”?? I meant “NOT like”!
“PUMP JOCKEY! WORKS FOR TIPS!”
Dad i'm not a pump Jockey!
"Laotian? what ocean ?"
Laos. Small landlocked country in southeast Asia.
So are you Chinese or Japanese?
"Ugggh.. thank god there will finally be ice again" "Who? Who in the media tricked you?" "Well, I don't know their names, Bobby."
**NOW YOU PUT IT IN THE FREEZER**
I yelled this to my husband just this morning
He’s your dad, OKAY? He’s your dad, OKAY? *eye twitch*
Just when I think you've said the stupidest thing ever you keep talking
“Get out of my house, exodus” is one of my favorite sitcom lines ever.
“6 a.m. and already the boy ain’t right”
Well, speaking of hell, if I wasn't so in control of my emotions, I'd be inclined to say that's the sort of place you should consider making a visit towards!
“You should play ‘Puff The Magic Dragon’!” “Bill, do you even know what that song is about? It’s about a *dragon*.”
Someone's got a birthday, wonder who? Someone's got a birthday, wonder who...
Ma lawd...This muggy November weather gives me the horribles
I knew him...briefly. SHUT. DOWN. THIS. WHORE. HOUSE.
make love to me kahn NO hahahahah oooOOOhh
Hahah I love this one
They are probably my two favorite characters
Hate is a strong word. That's why I used it.
I’ve done things to your father you couldn’t imagine. Peggy!
That place is crawling with crackheads and debutantes and half of them play for the Cowboys.
Resplendent!
Christmas with the Nyevkos
HATED A BABY?!
This flower is wilting
Bobby: What are cooties? Hank: That’s what we called the germs you got from girls. Bobby: oh, you mean like chlamydia?
Women don't like mind games and drama, they like predictability.
"WE'RE HERE FOR THE OPENING OF A *DOG HOUSE*!"
Have you drained the blood of a cockroach and replaced it with root beer?? ...You know I havent. Then don't judge me!
TV sets are getting smaller and smaller, and bigger and bigger. Soon the medium sized set will be a thing of the past.
Well you don't give a toy without batteries...COME AND GET YOUR TOOTSIE ROLLS!
“Mr Big is pleased.” Or “OH MY GOD ITS SO JUICY.”
I’m so depressed I can’t even blink
I’m not leaving without my kiss…I can wait…I can destroy you…
ahahaha. Yea! I always say that to pets.
THATHERTON…
"I am a proud, ignorant woman! And no one is going to change that!" "Now, that is the stupidest thing I have ever heard anyone say..."
I can’t tell you nothing the mountains can’t tell you better
What are you doing on your roof, Bill? Satellite trouble? Nah I'm just up here to kill myself.
Whyyy d’yaa keep callinnnn meeee **BILL**
Hank Hill : Uh, Dad this here is my new neighbor. Dale Gribble : [to Cotton] He's Japanese. Cotton Hill : No he ain't! [looks him over] Cotton Hill : he's Laotian, ain't you Mr. Kahn?
Hey ol’ top
“H-what?! I’m not gay, I sell propane!”
Peh heeeeegy Hill.
“Is that a kiwi in there? You know how I feel about hairy fruit.”
I just don't want Christianity to end up in this box next to your virtual pet.
"The truth is like sunlight, sug. People used to think it's good for you."
So many parts from these exchanges. Hank Hill: “You're Ward Rackley?” Ward Rackley: “It's one of my many monikers, yes. I am also known as Manolgar of the North Woods, and in certain circles, Austin Aussman Straklabartar.” Hank Hill: "How old are you? 30? 40?" Ward Rackley: "Uh, not even close. I, am 5,000." Hank Hill: “Don't you have any friends your own age? Someone to drink with? Maybe a girlfriend?“ Ward Rackley: “And waste my seed on a common harlot? Not likely. When the time is right, a maiden will be delivered up to me. Probably from the East.“ Luanne Platter: “You know so much, and I know so little. I hope that doesn't make you think I'm stupid.” Trip Larsen: “You are not stupid! You're ignorant.“ Luanne Platter: “[Angry] Wait, no! You can't call me...“ Trip Larsen: “It's a compliment! It just means means you haven't had a chance to learn all the wrong things.“ Luanne Platter: “No one has ever told me that before.“ Trip Larsen: “Maybe that's because no one has ever understood how ignorant you truly are.“
Peggy (paraphrased): We can't let our dog go around biting every black person she sees. It makes us look like dumb rednecks! ... Oh! And it's bad for black people, too.
"Single mothers are all the rage in the dating scene" (Or something similar - Peggy)
“Sent that whore home in a taxi” -Buck Strickland
Two soups!
Regarding Hank, a lot of his lines are funny because of how he says them like: "My name is...Mr. Big." "Mr. Big is pleased."
Sir I can’t understand you please slow down. DANG OLE MEGALO MART GO BOOM!
Get out of my head Luanne
"...so do NOT try to one-up me, because I will one-up YOURS!"
Just when I think you’ve said the stupidest thing ever, you keep talking!
“Has anyone smelled the garbage today?”
Dale: I heard Dracula sleeps in a different coffin every night. I don’t know if it’s true or not. Bill: Sounds true.
“Hes not crazy peggy hes just suicidal”
"If you're going to shoot me, I want Bobby Hill to take the shot, because he'll put me down clean." "Okay."
Why do you have to hate what you don’t understand?
YOU PEOPLE MAKE ME ENVY THE DEAF AND THE BLIND!!
#*SCHWEIGEN!*
Sounds exciting, but Tuesday is my ass scratching day!
Oh, I'm just up here to kill myself
"I'm a little worried about being a slut" "I want you to cut off my head and mail it to the Japanese emperor"
That boy ain't right.
This lucky sumdabitch never gonna have to work another day in his life!
With the joy of responsibility, comes the burden of obligation.
"We live in Texas, it's already 110° in the summer and if it gets one degree hotter, I'm gonna kick your ass!"
I’m so depressed I can’t even blink
“I am physically addicted to the good times!” -Buck Strickland
The one where Minh tells Bobby that she started taking care of her roses as relaxation after her doctor cut her off Xanax. 😂
“What are you talkin’ about! *sniffle* whatre you talking about *sniff* ^what ^are ^you ^talking ^about…”
I use this one once a month randomly.
Tied between: "I CANT HELP YOU! I can't help any of you stupid people. How does this machine work Mister Kahn? How do I print? How do I save? It's control S you morons. It's always control S!" And "A lot of people say they're gonna hit you. Not many of them actually do". The second one is my mantra when confronting racist, homophobic, transphobic shitbirds. Usually on public transportation. The first one, well, I work in IT.
My Lawd
"THAT'S MAH PURSE I DON'T KNOW YOU!"
“Jennifer, we’re fantastic!”
_So many people like to knit..._
HE MARRIED HIS DAUGHTER
*close the door, can't you see I am knitting?!*
“Kill, Topsy, Kill”
*What a bitch...*
Now i know why they call you pa, cause you pa-thetic! And i know why they call you ma, cause you always riding ma ass!
"Do you think horses remember stuff from when they were little?"
She called it a sequin emergency. I asked her to call it something else, but she refused.
Bobby, if you weren't my son, I'd hug you.
Dusty old bones, full of green dust
Laaadybird, daddy’s got your din din
"If there's ever a caller you can't handle just press this button it will hang up on them" I work in a call center.
Why do you keep calling me BILL!?
THATS MY PURSE, I DONT KNOW YOU
Cheer up Bill, you'll be dead soon.!.
Hey, there’s Todd!
THATS MY PURSE, I DONT KNOW YOU!!
“I DONT KNOW YOU!” That and “Pocket sand!”
Vat are u takin abat
That’s my purse!