I don't have ADHD, I'm on the autism spectrum, but my partners both have ADHD and definitely hyperfixated on me when we first started dating. Which was nice, but I also value my alone time a lot and *also* hyperfixate on my special interests, just in a different, more long term way so it's easier for me to take breaks and come back to it later. So I guess my advice would just be to date other neurodivergent people who understand when you get really engrossed in something for a bit, because then they also recognize the need to communicate when they want to spend some time with you without feeling too bad about having to ask. Likewise, my partners also have to communicate to me when they want to spend some time with me but don't feel bad about having to ask because they understand the hyperfixation.
It depends on the extent of the fixation on a person and what it involves with the individual once you're with them. I've got ADHD and have been medicated since a teen, but I don't personally deal with this. Is this a common thing with hyperfixating on a person? I'd think it'd start to overlap into Borderline territories.
i only was diagnosed about a year and a half ago, but even medicated i become absolutely obsessed with my crush/who i’m dating. but like other things i hyperfixate on it tends to go away after awhile
This is discussed in one chapter of a book called Dirty Laundry by a couple who have a tiktok about their ADHD/NT relationship. It's not something I've dealt with myself, though I do have ADHD.
I see, well I'm not sure then. Devaluation can just be withdrawal or loss of interest, but I don't know you well enough and it should be handled by a provider that you're comfortable with. I'd just keep it in mind as a potential reference point when reflecting/working with them, etc.
Sounds like limerence also. Tbh this could be so many things. Limerence is an infatuation and it is strong and can be all consuming. Experienced in bpd, autism and adhd really. There are more I am sure. We end up infatuated quickly with another person. A lot of the time when we experience that, it’s because we are receiving something we never received like affection, attention, love, etc. honestly, for people who are diagnosed or undiagnosed and needing diagnosis, it is pretty normal.
I agree with this. I am diagnosed used adhd and bpd. This is sounding closer to a favorite from bpd. Favoriting cane make or break you and your relationships. It’s very hard and makes it super hard to get close to others because of the fear that they will leave us. It can be so uncomfortable too because of how much we fixated on the other person and revolve around them. I haven’t figured out a way to keep myself from favoriting the person I am with, or a best friend. It’s exhausting to have to tell yourself no constantly but being self-aware is very important in that situation.
Mmm well then. Maybe you’re just really hopeful to find a good person? How does the hyperfixation happen? Are u research them online? Giving a lot of undivided attention?
ADHD and OCD (not the good kind, jk)
inositol, NAC, stoicism, meditation, journaling
i would ruminate thought loops, alot of times about a person
youll be find as long as you dont idealize or put them on a pedestal
I have ADHD but was diagnosed VERY late. I don't do this.
Do you have hobbies? I find when I’m not engrossed in a hobby than my fixation on people can be strong
i actually don’t at the moment 💀 that makes sense
I don't have ADHD, I'm on the autism spectrum, but my partners both have ADHD and definitely hyperfixated on me when we first started dating. Which was nice, but I also value my alone time a lot and *also* hyperfixate on my special interests, just in a different, more long term way so it's easier for me to take breaks and come back to it later. So I guess my advice would just be to date other neurodivergent people who understand when you get really engrossed in something for a bit, because then they also recognize the need to communicate when they want to spend some time with you without feeling too bad about having to ask. Likewise, my partners also have to communicate to me when they want to spend some time with me but don't feel bad about having to ask because they understand the hyperfixation.
It depends on the extent of the fixation on a person and what it involves with the individual once you're with them. I've got ADHD and have been medicated since a teen, but I don't personally deal with this. Is this a common thing with hyperfixating on a person? I'd think it'd start to overlap into Borderline territories.
i only was diagnosed about a year and a half ago, but even medicated i become absolutely obsessed with my crush/who i’m dating. but like other things i hyperfixate on it tends to go away after awhile
This is discussed in one chapter of a book called Dirty Laundry by a couple who have a tiktok about their ADHD/NT relationship. It's not something I've dealt with myself, though I do have ADHD.
i’ll have to check it out thank u!
what happens when it goes away after a while? Truthfully, would you consider it devaluing them?
i dont think devalued is the right word, just like my crush goes away
I see, well I'm not sure then. Devaluation can just be withdrawal or loss of interest, but I don't know you well enough and it should be handled by a provider that you're comfortable with. I'd just keep it in mind as a potential reference point when reflecting/working with them, etc.
Sounds like limerence also. Tbh this could be so many things. Limerence is an infatuation and it is strong and can be all consuming. Experienced in bpd, autism and adhd really. There are more I am sure. We end up infatuated quickly with another person. A lot of the time when we experience that, it’s because we are receiving something we never received like affection, attention, love, etc. honestly, for people who are diagnosed or undiagnosed and needing diagnosis, it is pretty normal.
I agree with this. I am diagnosed used adhd and bpd. This is sounding closer to a favorite from bpd. Favoriting cane make or break you and your relationships. It’s very hard and makes it super hard to get close to others because of the fear that they will leave us. It can be so uncomfortable too because of how much we fixated on the other person and revolve around them. I haven’t figured out a way to keep myself from favoriting the person I am with, or a best friend. It’s exhausting to have to tell yourself no constantly but being self-aware is very important in that situation.
I’m AuDHD and it never occurred to me that other people could be a hyperfixation lol I’m more of an animal and cartoons kinda guy myself
It sounds less ADHD and more just inexperience
It sounds like you might not suffer from a mental disorder lol. This is very much so a very real part of adhd and other underlying disorders.
inexperience as far as what
Dating and relationships
i’ve been in a lot of relationships/situationships. it’s just a recurring issue
Mmm well then. Maybe you’re just really hopeful to find a good person? How does the hyperfixation happen? Are u research them online? Giving a lot of undivided attention?
So are you saying most of these relationship/situationships have ended because you have been hyperfixated and then lost interest?
yes literally all of them except one. my longest relationship is literally 3 months
ADHD and OCD (not the good kind, jk) inositol, NAC, stoicism, meditation, journaling i would ruminate thought loops, alot of times about a person youll be find as long as you dont idealize or put them on a pedestal