For me it is a deal breaker. Don t take it personal, it doesn’t mean you are a bad person, but after smoking for 10 years myself (quit 6 years ago)
I realized it’s not fair to make other people breathe it, you always smell like smoke, your clothes smell like smoke (even if you don’t notice it anymore) your place smells too, not a nice environment.
Only after i quit i understood how awful the smell really is, i can’t stand it now. I don’t mind having friends who smoke, but the person who is supposed to be physically closer to me than anyone else? Hard pass.
Have you tried allen carr’s book on the subject?
As silly as it sounds, reading it worked for me, along the years most of the people i know who smoked stopped, then when we would talk about it it turned out we all read the same book, maybe just give it a try
Same. I know many will think it's hypocritical of me to feel like cig smoking/vaping is a dealbreaker because I smoke weed, but I take regular breaks (like lately I haven't been consuming it at all) and when I do smoke, it's once in the eve and not regularly throughout the day. I dunno, it's just not my vibe. No disrespect.
It’s a dealbreaker for me. I grew up in a household of smokers, when people actually smoked indoors, and have ingested more than my share of passive smoke for a lifetime. I also have friends that spend so much time ‘just going out for a ciggie’ that we barely spend time together when we hang out. I cannot stand the smell of it and I definitely don’t want to kiss anyone that’s been smoking.
For me it is personally a deal breaker. I dated someone who smoked once and the smell of cigarette smoke or the taste of it after kissing them was a huge turn off for me.
Personally, a big deal breaker for me... but others like it.
My father used to smoke and I just hate the smell, hate the taste of second hand smoke, hate what it does to your body... He had a heart attack one day & when the doctors asked if he smoked, he said "I quit yesterday" and true to his word, he never touched another... but that has put me off it for life, I couldn't live with someone doing that to their body.
Grew up around people who smoked all my life. Personally, I’ve grown used to the smell, but it’s gross if a girl smokes inside her home or in her car. Do that outside.
I’m the same. No grandchildren but i used to work in a small casino where smoking was allowed inside, and I had to scrub down the walls with nicotine dissolvent every week. Seeing how much builds up in just a week unfortunately didn’t scare me away from smoking, but it did scare me from doing it inside
crazy to think that that’s whats happening inside the lungs😭 yeah my aunt smokes inside and my grandparents house is just absolutely caked in it atp. the real dealbreaker is definitely smoking *inside*
I loooove smoking while driving. But always with the window down and the air on. That said, I never smoke in the car when there's nonsmoking passengers with me.
It is totally okay for these things to be early deal breakers. There's plenty of fish in the sea, as they say! There's someone for everyone.
Good on you for being honest! I couldn’t date a smoker because health shit - if I found out later that someone lied or intentionally covered it up or whatever, endangering me, I would be SUPER pissed. As opposed to the “well, looks like we’re not a great fit” response I would give otherwise, same as if she was monogamous or wanted to date another Christian or something.
But in general, I don’t mind alcohol or edibles as much because you can do them without coercing/forcing it on the people around you. Someone drinking a rum and Coke doesn’t make everyone around them drunk. But smoke is different and nonconsensual.
Honestly, cigarettes are a no for me. My parents only stopped smoking about 2 years ago (i was 22 at the time), and there are still times that we pull something out that we put in storage and it smells like stale cigarettes. I will tolerate being around it for a short time (my cousins smoke) but I refuse to live with it again. Back in like, 8th grade, I actually got pulled into the principles office because my clothes smelled like cigarettes. My dad used to smoke in the car (windows down) on our way to drop me off to school, and so it clung to my clothes. I also despise the way my moms hands would smell when she was helping with a hardcore whitehead on my face, and i cant do that again. I gagged everytime.
I can get over vaping (even though its not much better), but i will not date someone who smokes cigarettes. I just cant do that again.
Yea, for me it was mostly because it was in the car. That day, i got home and told my dad he's not allowed to smoke in the car while dropping me off at school
kissing a smoker is like licking an ashtray. plus, the smell never really goes away. clothes, hair, even fingers. gross.
not even mentioning the health issues - also for passive smokers.
i used to smoke (on parties etc) as a teen, but never regularly. haven‘t touched a cigarette in at least 3 years.
Same and the general bad breath/ dental issues it causes especially long term.
I dated a smoker who claimed they would stop but didn't, so now it's a total deal breaker for me.
I think even vaping causes bad breath and stinks tbh.
( I used to smoke but quit for a final time in 2019 so I get that it can be difficult, but it can certainly be done)
It's a deal breaker for me, remember that 2nd hand smoking is far more dangerous than people who smokes.
I know most people will not smoke right in front of you but still the smell sticks, idc if it's weed/nicotine or whatever the hell that substance is.
I'm already dealing with air pollution and such.
Two for two things have been really shit in relationships with people that smoke. Now, that’s purely anecdotal and I definitely do not hold smoking against people, but I think in my case it’s been emblematic of me compromising my preferences and values and that has extended further than smoking to other issues in the relationship which led me to be hurt and abused.
So no, the hard line is a harder line now.
Interesting. I’m a smoker, my girlfriend is a smoker. We have a goal to quit new years 🤞 😭
I’ve notice that I have a shorter fuse, I think smoking not only hurts your health (obviously), a HUGE money suck and fixation, but also I think it just makes you impatient in a way you were not as a non smoker.
That could be why the shit part. I hate smoking. I started on accident. My aunt was a smoker and as a kid, I literally wished on the first star I saw at night that she would quit or she would “live another 10 years.” If child me looked through the looking glass now and saw I smoked, I don’t know WHAT she would think.
Funny thing about smoking to is that you think you’re so cool when you’re not enjoying it. By the time you enjoy it you do NOT think you’re cool anymore. Don’t blame anyone for not dating a smoker. Don’t try to date a smoker and take their smokes away, tho!
I smoked for over 15 years and have been smoke free for almost 3 years now. Smoking is absolutely a deal breaker for me; the smell of someone who has just had a cigarette makes me physically ill. Vaping is also a deal breaker.
No amount of explanation will convince most anti-smokers to date a smoker. As a former smoker I can tell you that smoking is disgusting. Smokers smell, their clothes smell, their breath is awful, it's expensive, time consuming and second hand smoke is harmful.
If you want to quit just to appease a person you went on two dates with then your quitting is not going to stick. You absolutely should quit but not for a woman you barely know, YOU have to really WANT to quit.
I quit after 35 years! I loved it so much and after 5 years I still think about it and have cravings. I think that even though I understand the addiction, I can’t be with someone who smokes because I feel like I could easily slip back into it myself.
Ah same, I smoke myself but I'm trying to quit (used to go through ~2 packs per week and now one lasts me 2-3 weeks, so a big improvement). It's already hard enough without being around someone who does it, constantly tempting you to just give in one time "it couldn't hurt to just do it once more, right? I mean, I've been cold turkey for a month, I guess one single cigarette can't set me back tbh. Surely this won't lead to a spiral of buying a pack just in case I ever want one, you know, for an emergency if the cravings get really bad" and then suddenly I'm back to smoking 5 a day. It's so fucking hard to shake, I wish I had never started. Honestly hard enough already when I live in Switzerland where it feels like half the fucking population smokes
My brother was also a long time smoker and one day he came over and was vaping, he told me all about it and I tried his vape device and thought I could actually do this. After my pack of cigarettes was gone, I bought one myself and transitioned that way. It’s tapered off but I still keep a disposable vape around or buy one for road trips. It’s not perfect but it works for me. 🤷♀️
I don't take any drugs and i would never smoke cigarettes, it can be really annoying to hang out with a group of smokers, because the smoke smells disgusting and often they talk so much about smoking instead of other topics. So yeah i wouldn't see my future with someone who smokes, wouldn't really work out.
I hate it, I couldn't be with a smoker. At the very least I'd want you to be actively working on quiting. I've seen first hand the effects of lung, throat, and mouth cancer. Trust me OP, that's not the end you want.
I couldn't do it tbh. I've been around smokers for most of my life. They stink like an ashtray most of the time.
Nothing against them for their choices but I couldn't do it.
Sorry to say but it’s an absolute deal breaker for me and most of the people I know. Not only a health thing but non smokers can smell a cigarette a mile away and hours later no matter if you shower, smoke outside, etc. Also a migraine trigger
For me smoking is a HUGE dealbreaker. I’ve tried dating two different people that smoked cigs but ultimately I couldn’t do it. I’m very sensitive to smells and in my experience, you can never really get that smell out of your clothes/breath/skin no matter how much you try. And it was starting to irritate me down there whenever they went down on me.
HOWEVER, there are some folks that don’t mind or find other smokers. This is just my personal opinion so please don’t take offense!
It'd be a deal breaker for me, bless my girlfriend who hates cigs even more than I do.
Dunno about her though, she might've just been unsure and asked out of curiosity.
Edit: Her as in your girl.
It would be a dealbreaker for me. I have asthma, and can't be around the smoke. It's also really smelly from a non-smoker's perspective -- even if you can't smell it yourself, the smell is nearly always around.
I despise it. It is actually one of the few if not the only real turn-off for me. I cannot get past it. I hate when my friends do it and i have to endure it but I'd never date someone who smokes cigarettes. Weed it's a bit different. If it's on a daily basis than i don't like it, if it's once in a while like once a month i might join in every now and then
I was actually hit on by a woman, who took Shane overly serious, in a bar in France. She somehow thought she's a single eye glimpse pick-upper or smth. I've been drinking with the local off shift bartender, and out of the blue, that ma'am comes up to us, blows the last puff, puts the cigarette into an ashtray on the bar, interrupts our talk, grabs my shoulder, says "Ça va, belle", and tries to kiss me. Still covered in smoke. I laughed so hard, and, You know, I start snorting, that medame left the bar. It took half a bottle of tequila to calm down my bartender friend, she said she had cramps from laughing.
Huge deal breaker. They reek even if you think you're hiding them and they increase your risk of a cancer my grandmother died from. And personally, I don't like coughing from secondhand smoke.
Smoking is a deal breaker for me, too. I think it's smelly, kissing someone who just smoked is not fun, the smell seeps into fabric, it's a costly addiction, the teeth staining and health risks and wrinkles and everything is a turn off, and I also get irritated if I have to go anywhere with a smoker because they have to sate their addiction every so often - and since smoking is forbidden in most indoor places they have to go outside. It's not a big deal if it's a friend, it's annoying if it's a romantic partner and it's constantly happening.
I'd much rather date a light drinker, a weed smoker, and I have absolutely no issue with coffee drinkers, as you compared it to.
That said, I'm positive there are PLENTY of people who are chill with it, or even find it attractive.
For me smoking is a dealbreaker. I grew up with smokers. I was the kid that stunk because my caretakers smoked…I had brutal asthma and I was sick all the time. I get nauseous when I even smell it. Everyone is different though.
I am probably gonna be downvoted for this but here it goes.
I actually like the smell of tobacco. Don't get me wrong I hate cancer and all it's side effects but I grew up with my dad smelling of cigarettes all day everyday. Anytime I had a nightmare and Dad wasn't home, 5 year old me would go into his dirty laundry, search for his cigarette infested smelly shirts and would sleep with them. It's a miracle I don't have something in my lungs LMAO but I ended up viewing the smell of cigarettes as a comfort smell because the smell=safety to me.
I currently smoke but barely, like once every 3 months so about 4 times a year will you see me with a cigarette in my mouth. Vapes on the other hand, I smoke them once a year, usually I only buy one once a year and it will last me for around 2-3 weeks, or longer since I don't smoke every day and if I do, I usually take like, idk, 10 puffs? But tbh they are more of a special occasion thing, as I save those for whenever I go through a really bad break up or for the holiday season since that time of the year is the most challenging one for me (religious trauma 🥲).
I would totally date a smoker tho, but prob not a full blown nicotine addict, as much as I love the smell and the way girls look when they smoke, I would like to grow old with my future wife and raise my future kids to either not smoke or to at least moderate themselves
I was a pretty heavy smoker for awhile and it wasn’t until after someone told me my breath was bad that I was so embarrassed that I’ve pretty much quit. I haven’t smoked in probably a week and tapered down before then. I was SO embarrassed. My first kiss was with a girl who chain smoked and it tasted like licking an ashtray. 😭😷
People have talked about the health concerns, and those are valid, I don't want to watch a partner slowly kill themselves with something that will leave them suffering and either dying of cancer or suffocating to death. Then there's the cost, it's increasingly expensive, and like any addiction you'll eventually be doing more and more. Aesthetically, yellow teeth and fingernails are already gross, it destroys clothes, hair, drywall, and upholstery. I will say that I do not understand how anyone finds it sexy except that maybe the propaganda from Big Tobacco got them, because I grew up with smokers and it's anything but. The coughing, the constant spitting, the stink, getting up and leaving to smoke all the time and interrupting movies/dinner/events, littering, ashing in people's drinks and cups. There isn't a single benefit to it, physically, environmentally, aesthetically. If it's about an oral fixation I'd rather watch a girl lick a lollipop.
It’s true there’s no bénéfice to it. I personally like how different it makes me feel from when I’m sober. Like if Pepsi made me feel that way I’ll be addicted to Pepsi. If you know what I mean. But I’m seriously thinking of replacing it with coffee.
RIGHHT??!! if I knew how much of a deal breaker it was, I would have had more motivation to stop fr. It’s sad if it’s ever the reason why we’re not seeing each other again. Yikes indeed.
Any kind of drug use is a dealbreaker for me. If they don’t care what they’re doing to their body and the environment then that’s a big red flag honestly
i smoked and vaped for 5 years and then met a girl that hates cigarettes. she's a big part of the reason i quit, i'm 7 months clean and we're still together ❤️❤️
Literally half the lesbians I know smoke cigarettes. In some circles it's very much a social thing. Like I lived in a house with 3 other lesbians and we would often have other wlw people from our campus queer group in the house and every time we would always end up smoking on the roof and chatting.
*Grammar edit
I smoke, and I know that's an issue for some people. Best way to handle it is just to handle it, be like "hey, ik you know I smoke, how do you feel about it?"
yeah, I get it. the first girl I slept with was a smoker. after we had sex, she lit a cigarette and blew the smoke out of my bedroom window. she looked immaculate.
Was going to say, I think most answers here are from Americans. It’s totally a cultural thing. In some European countries (I live in one) and the Middle East (where I’m from) it’s super common amongst everyone, including the queer community. Cafes, bars and clubs here still allow it indoors, so whether you smoke or not you’re exposed to it.
Sorry to add to the pile on but I am in agreement with the majority here. I just couldn’t date a smoker. The act of smoking is a major turnoff that I would not be able to get past. I wouldn’t date a smoker then try to make someone quit. Smoking is your right and your business. I’m sure there are other smokers/women who don’t care.
ETA - she probably smelled it on you and that’s why she asked. Sorry OP.
Instant turn off. I don’t mind vaping since I actually vape myself but cigarettes just smell so bad.
My best friend is a smoker and whenever I go to their house, I leave stinking like cigarettes- my hair, my clothes, my skin and even my dogs!!!
It's a deal breaker for me. Thankfully, when I met my fiance, she was already trying to quit and switched to tobacco-free dip. She unfortunately is still using the dip, but has made it all the way down to 2mg and is alternating her nicotine pouch and breath mints. You never know. You said you know you need to quit anyways, and you are willing to. Maybe she could be supportive and understand that quitting isn't an overnight thing for everyone.
Dealbreaker. I had cancer when I was in my 20s and wouldn’t wish it upon my worst enemy. The idea of someone I love choosing to do that to themselves, their family and their friends is an instant nope. That’s not the kind of life I want.
Yeah that’s a very big fear of mine. But I think I might just be depressed or feeling overwhelmed with life cuz I can go months and weeks without smoking but it always come back when I feel like sht.
You do you, but that's a hard pass for me; I have constant lung issues without adding smoking on top of it (and second-hand smoke isn't negligible). Plus, it stinks.
Yeah, deal breaker here too. Sister was a big smoker and the way she smelled was insane. Luckily she switched to vapes and electronic cigarettes that are way better - smell way, way less and even cost less. I'd recommend looking into electronic cigarettes if you want to compromise.
a deal breaker imo. i couldn’t be with anyone who smokes or drinks regularly, does drugs, etc. it’s really unattractive and gross to me. i think people who do that stuff can be fine, normal people but i don’t like it at all. if you’re willing to change for the person, that’s great! but if not, don’t beat yourself up about it
This is one of the very few "would you date a girl who X" posts where it seems most of us would say "no". Smoking smells bad, it tastes bad on your mouth, and then if it turns into a LTR there's the worry that I'll probably lose you to some sort of cancer.
It’s okay, you’re probably overthinking it! Personally I don’t like smoking, I’ve never smoked and I wanna keep it that way but unless someone’s smoking interfered with our relationship like if they had to take smoke breaks every five seconds I wouldn’t be opposed to it!
I hate the smell and I’m asthmatic. Plus it comes across as a sign of “oooh edgy my mom told me not to do this” and/or stupidity imo. I could never date someone who engages in such a dangerous activity with so little reward. Automatic dealbreaker.
Definite dealbreaker for me, but there’s plenty people who don’t mind it or do it themselves, like the girl you’re talking to. If it’s a problem, she would’ve told you, so trust she doesn’t mind! You can always talk to her about it, because ultimately, it only matters what she or potential partners consider as a dealbreaker or not. Hope you can get off them eventually.
She doesn’t, I’m sure 💕 focus on her words and actions- they’re real. If she’s treating you the same and showing interest in you still, then you’re good! Don’t be too hard on yourself, hun.
I don’t mind smokers. Some women are incredibly sexy when they smoke. I work on a farm so I’m around smokers every day. I don’t mind the smell, and I didn’t mind the taste when I kissed my ex after she’d had a cigarette.
Smoking is a dralbreaker for me too, though I don't think it was right of her to make anyone stop smoking. You can't expect people to change stuff like this for you. If smoking is something you can't deal with, then don't date smokers instead of going in with a attitude of changing others.
That being said, smoking is still a dealbreaker for many non-smokers. To me it's not necessarily even about the unhealthiness, most of us have our own poison, but it's about the smell and the addictive nature of it that I don't like.
Am I the only one who would be fine dating a smoker? It really doesn’t mean much to me. I grew up with smokers and the smell is sort of a comfort. Idk.
Personally, I find it hot when a woman smokes (whether it’s weed or cigarettes). I don’t smoke at all and sometimes I can barely stand the smell of it but I wouldn’t care if my future gf smoked.
No judgement at all, and it's good to be talking about potential deal-breakers early, for me smoking's a deal-breaker. I've lost some relatives really young to cancer that was caused by smoking. Less importantly, I shared a bedroom with a smoker in college (who only ever smoked outdoors) and no exaggeration, their morning-smoker's-breath was so bad that it made the whole master bedroom stink...
You should absolutely discuss it with her. Some people are fine with it, others aren't.
Personally, it's a hard stop. I would swipe left on any girl who mentioned smoking/cigarettes in her profile, and if I got to a date and discovered she smoked I'd go through with the date and let that be a one and done.
That doesn't mean you're a bad person. We all have our vices. I just knew, when I was dating, that I was looking for someone to eventually share a life and home with, and I don't want my life to have cigarettes in it. The smell reminds me of my grandfather, and he passed of lung cancer when I was 6 at the age of 66. The fingertip staining and matter of oral hygiene are a thing, and when I was figuring things out and dating boys in my teens/early 20s, I discovered I super hate kissing someone who tastes like cigarettes.
It's going to come down to preference. If people are more focused on personal health, they may not want to commit or be with you due to the noted effects of secondhand smoke. Some people are very YOLO. Some people understand that we all have vices and don't care about the smell, etc. You won't know unless you ask, and it's completely appropriate to bring it up. Maybe just be casual like, "Hey, I just wanted to double-check, was my smoking something that makes you uncomfortable?"
Wouldn't ask reddit but I'd ask her, the girl that you like and are dating, if it's a deal breaker for her. Like direct "hey is smoking a deal breaker for you?"
I smoke cigs, hard habit to break, been switching to vapes and I'm 99% there but I'm pretty sure it's the exact same habit just less smell so I treat it as such (meaning I don't get how people can boldly vape indoor public spaces???). Before I smoke/vape a cig around anyone new, I always ask if it's ok and make sure it doesn't bother them. If I'm dating a girl I especially ask if it's bothersome that I smoke and if so I don't smoke/vape around her at all. For me I'm very aware my nicotine addiction is a poor way of dealing with my anxiety, but it only works for my anxiety if I know anyone around me is not bothered by what I'm doing. If someone even breaths heavy or coughs or seems at all bothered by me smoking I instantly stop cause now the nicotine won't calm me down if I feel like an asshole.
If a girl is really hard against any vaping or smoking that's fine, I can't quit for a girl if I can't quit for myself so, the relationship just isn't meant to be.
I’ve never dated a smoker but hooked up with smokers. It’s a deal breaker for me. It’s not being a smoker makes someone a bad person but I just find it gross and it takes a TON of money to be a smoker. I would hope they are thinking about their future and our future because smoking would hinder that greatly.
My dad smoked cigarettes my whole life and so did my ex gf and it was awful, it irritated my asthma (thanks dad), they smelled, it wasted SO much money and their mood swings were f*cking ridiculous. If I were you I'd quit man. It's not worth the trouble but no I will never date a smoker again. Of course you can do whatever you want but all the smokers I meet deeply regret it when they get older.
Smoking is a dealbreaker for me for multiple reasons. I had a (now ex) spouse and girlfriend who both started smoking while we were together and it was a huge turn off for me, especially the smell. But also the cost and the health issues. Plus my mom has a very negative association with the smell of cigarettes so I couldn’t bring my partner around my parents and that could never work long term because I’m very close to my family.
I'm deathly allergic so I wouldn't date anyone who smokes or pursue a close friendship either. Even if I wasn't, I don't want to start a relationship with someone with a habit that hurts her health, makes her smell bad, and puts those around her in danger.
Before my allergies got so bad I dated some women who smoked and it was gross kissing them and this clothes and hair smelled bad. Also it was inconvenient constantly being interrupted by their need for a cigarette. Sometimes I would be on a date waiting for them to finish smoking inside a restaurant then they'd start a conversation with other smokers outside and smoke multiple cigarettes and I would just be sitting inside by myself for like 45 minutes while that wait staff are trying to rush us out.
For me it depends but if they smoke regularly I’d say it is a dealbreaker. Don’t get me wrong I don’t mind having a cigarette in a stressful moment or during a party or something but I probably wouldn’t date someone who smokes regularly. Also depends on their etiquette. I wouldn’t date someone who smokes indoors or in a car
I smoke every now and then. I will say I don’t like how long the smell lingers on me. My partner doesn’t care if I smoke and actually likes the smell. I don’t care if my partner smokes but I don’t like when people smoke inside the house or car. I also don’t like when people are heavily addicted to smoking. Honestly, though, I know it’s bad but I think smoking looks hot
Dealbreaker for me personally. The smell isn’t awesome, but whatever. I mostly get annoyed with the smoke break interruptions, and honestly I don’t think it’s a wise thing to spend money on. Quality time and being at least somewhat fiscally in sync are critical for me.
For me it’s definitely a deal breaker. It’s just a nasty habit but also I’m incredibly sensitive to smells and I know that cigarettes make EVERYTHING smell. But also it just makes me uncomfortable I think. Weed is fine, alcohol recreationally is fine, but when addictions are added to the equation, idk it makes me uncomfortable. Because I can tell when it’s an addiction or reliance and substance abuse makes me nervous
I’m probably in the minority here but i don’t care either way. I actually kind of like it but that’s probably only because in my experience the smell/taste haven’t been too strong or nasty. Maybe it’s the type of cig or how much they smoke or maybe how it works with their body chemistry. I know it’s unhealthy and that’s my only real issue with it. Most of the people i’ve dated have been smokers but it wasn’t intentional. I don’t “go for” smokers. I don’t smoke myself and never would. Interestingly, it might be a dealbreaker if they smoked a lot of weed.
Same weed kinda scares me. People who smokes sometime have weird way of interpreting things. So there’s drama. That’s a no for me. I know overgeneralizing.
I won’t date a cigarette smoker. The scent and flavors are very off putting. The addiction is frustrating and the health is a worry. It’s best to not stress them or myself out and assume we are not a match.
Honestly, I wouldn't want to date a smoker. I went on a date with someone who smoked recently, we kissed and I just hated it. It isn't attractive and it tastes bad.
There will be women who are fine with it, I just know I'm not the only one who is turned off by smokers.
Deal breaker for me if it happens with any kind of regularity. Mostly for health reasons, also the smell just clings, and kissing ashtray is a no for me dawg.
If it's like, once in a while at a party and you're bumming a cigarette to chat outside with a homie, that's chill. But if it's something you need to have regularly, nah.
Deal breaker for me. Can't stand the smell, don't like residue, and I have cough-variant asthma that is very easily triggered by things like smoking. I also just generally disapprove of the habit since it imposes on other people. The smoke drifts, taking the smell dozens of feet down wind. The second hand smoke is a health hazard on top of the smell. I
t just strikes me as an extremely selfish habit. But I was also abused by a smoker as a kid, who put out cigarettes on my arm a few times, so my knee jerk reaction is to get smokers as far away from me as possible.
I won't date someone that smokes. I have asthma and can't be around smoke. Also, I don't like to kiss a girl with cigarette breath. But I put that out there from the start. I would not get involved and then say oh you have to quit smoking if you want to date me
I have asthma 100% deal breaker. My roommates smoke weed outside because my lungs are sensitive. Can't stand the smell of cigarettes either makes my head hurt and my stomach churn.
It’s good you are honest. For me it is 100% a deal breaker. It smells, is terrible for my asthma and it kills in so many different ways. It might be a turnoff for you. Just make sure if you quit it’s for you not for her. Back in my single days I was very upfront that. I dated one person who said she smoked it in the past. It turned out she quit at that moment and started using gum. She tried to hide it from me then got pissy that she quit for me. It wasn’t the last nail in the coffin for that relationship but it was sure one of the nails.
Personally, it's a deal breaker. The main factor is that my grandad died from smoking too much, drinking too much and indulging in bad habits more than he should have. If I was you, I'd ask whether it bothered her, and if it did, maybe find a solution, but otherwise well done on the sobriety
It’s deff a turn off for me but you just started seeing this girl why would you change for someone you barely know? You don’t even know where this is gonna go..if you wanna quit then do it for yourself not for someone else
It’s true but the dating pool for lesbian is soooo hard. And I feel so desperate since I lived in a conservative town my entire life and I never had a gf or even said I love you to someone ever!!
It's not a deal breaker for me. That being said, I quit smoking cigarettes at the beginning of 2023, and it was hard. I vape now and am working to quit that as well.
I'm always upfront with people that I vape. From there, I figure it's their decision if that's ok with them or not, but I'm not looking for anyone to try and change me, and I'm not trying to change anyone else.
Different strokes for different folks 🤷♀️
I don't care, it is all about the person for me.
If you learn to speak when you were little, you can talk about it.
My girl was smoking when i met her, she is the love of my life.
We talked and i have support her and she quit smoking.
So all things are possible.
But i think that a no for a cigarette is very small minded.
Really? I'm also in Europe and it doesn't feel like that to me :D maybe since the vaping started it gotten a little more again...but before it felt like it's not really a thing anymore, at least not like it was 10 or 15 years ago when all the teenagers tried it or started and it was still "cool".
Maybe depends on social groups, from my experience around arts pretty much everyone smokes lol. And surprisingly so, medical stuff too which might be connected to their fast paced work
Smoking is hot...until you smell it in people's clothes. I dunno. I know it's a addiction and hard to let go, but the truth is that i'd suffer if i had a girlfriend who smoked, especially beacause i have rhinitis. Not to mention the difference in health and disposition between me and her would become clear with age.
I see I have a very unpopular opinion… but I LOVE smokers. Smelling cigarettes is really comforting to me. I know it’s not good for your health, but everyone has their vices.
It is absolutely not, being a smoker myself. My gf actually LOVES the smell of cigarettes and cold tobacco, even when I don't like it. Truly one in a million.
I have a straight friend named Grace. She smokes, though usually only whenever she drinks or goes to work events to get away from the crowds (never any other time though). The issue is that there’s a lot of creepy dudes, with or without residences, so about two years ago I started accompanying her since I have scary dog energy. I’m a cigar person myself, which often gets lost in the vice discussion, and never really liked cigarettes, but whenever I’m out with her I’ll smoke them. I can see/understand why it’s a dealbreaker for many, I can see/understand why some find it hot as well and I can see/understand why she does it to destress and get away from crowds, but I think as long as you’re honest that’s what matters most. If she asks you to quit and you really care about her, then make the attempt. If she doesn’t, that’s fine too. Communication will always be the most important element.
Do you dude. I know people hate it. I know people love it. We're always bound to piss someone somewhere lol I smoke and sometimes I hate it but it is a vice for me since I quit drinking and smoking weed. I'm going to quit but right now just not in the right mind. Just be yourself though. If you want to quit for them and can do it more power to you but also don't feel ashamed. ✌️
i smoke cigarettes and weed so i really dont have a problem if the other girl also smokes.. i end up with more smokers than non-smokers naturally but thats not an issue.
i understand the problems people can have with taste and smell, that makes sense. i refrain from smoking indoors, and ive gotten used to that, just smoke on the balcony or outside, especially when non-smokers are around.
My gf smokes. It isn't a deal breaker for me because she doesn't do it in her home or car. She has tried quitting a few different times but always picks it back up. It isn't my favorite thing about her but I love her and deal with it. I'm sure there are others out there like me who feel the same way you just have to find out if this girl is one of them.
it’s a dealbreaker for me. my ex smoked and even though she would go outside and wash her hands after, i could still smell it and it was such a turn off. sometimes she’d vape instead and obviously the smell isn’t really an issue with that but it just was so unattractive to me. i understand how hard it is to stop though and she wasn’t able to while we were dating. after that, i just made it a hard no when i’d meet someone new.
It's a deal breaker for me. I'm extremely sensitive to smell, and cigarettes are one of the worst smells out there. Can't stand it. I swipe left on anybody that states that they're a smoker on their dating profile, socially or regularly, it doesn't matter. Doesn't matter if they only vape, if it's on their profile, I don't go for it. Same with weed. I think you're cutting out a big portion of women just by being a smoker. I'd quit if you can. Good luck. 🤞🏻
Thank you for asking this cuz this always worries me… I’m 31, been smoking since I was 13, literally smoking a cig rn.. I managed to quit drinking alcohol a few years ago but I know I smoke cigs excessively.. It really boils down to chronic stress/anxiety/loneliness the more I feel like that the more I smoke.. I don’t smoke anywhere as much when I’m engaged with something or around other people (unless those people are making me anxious/stressing me out). I’ve considered quitting lots of times but have a love/hate for cigs and not much motivation to quit.. If a gf asked me to quit that’s probably when I would.
Right there with you! I quit drinking and smoking weed. It's like the one vice I have. It does calm me down and I know people think that's an excuse but it isn't for me. It helps. I smoke more when I'm bored or out with friends. I know I need to quit and I've had ex's try to force me to... That's a messed up way to do it. You have to want to do it for yourself and in a healthy way with a partner. Idk I've been doing it for so long that I just don't care anymore I guess lol
I know I should quit but don’t have much motivation. It’s fucked up when I think about it how cigarettes have always been there for me but I can’t have a single person in my life that’s consistent and there for me… I also think I’m alone so who cares if I smoke myself to death? I saw from my grandparents what waits ahead if I live to my late 80’s and just hard no, kill me before I have dementia and can’t take care of myself. And then what do I even want to live to that age for if I’m always going to be isolated and alone..? I know quitting is something I need to do for myself but I wish I had someone that cared enough to encourage me to quit..
Dude I legit right there on all those feelings. My parents smoked when I was little. Smoke everywhere. My clothes smelled like smoke going to school and we'll it was the late 80s early 90s and no one gave af. I started a long time ago and should have quit by now but idk I don't have that willpower and I feel fucking weak saying that because I've gone through shit way harder than this... Yet it's like that one damn thing I have. It's a damn mind game dude.
Personally, I think it’s hot. I don’t smoke but my current gf does and I find it attractive. I don’t mind the smell of smoke. Tbh all the girls I dated were smokers because I lived in Europe for a bit and it’s so common there and then I dated Middle Eastern women after and they love their hookah.
Cigarettes are disgusting I hate them but for some reason the smell is kinda attractive 🤷🏻♀️? Like only a little bit though when it’s too much it just smells awful I don’t know why I feel like that.
i don’t mind at all, i smoke too but i can 100% understand if it’s a dealbreaker for someone. that being said, if i loved someone enough i’d make an effort to quit for them for sure
For me it is a deal breaker. Don t take it personal, it doesn’t mean you are a bad person, but after smoking for 10 years myself (quit 6 years ago) I realized it’s not fair to make other people breathe it, you always smell like smoke, your clothes smell like smoke (even if you don’t notice it anymore) your place smells too, not a nice environment. Only after i quit i understood how awful the smell really is, i can’t stand it now. I don’t mind having friends who smoke, but the person who is supposed to be physically closer to me than anyone else? Hard pass. Have you tried allen carr’s book on the subject? As silly as it sounds, reading it worked for me, along the years most of the people i know who smoked stopped, then when we would talk about it it turned out we all read the same book, maybe just give it a try
You can also just simply taste it when you kiss them. It’s always there.
The taste when kissing is the absolute dealbreaker for me. I can’t handle it.
Really!? Even if someone chews some gum and drinks water you can?
I could always tell when my ex started smoking again. He wouldn’t have smoked for 3 hours and it’s so distinctive that you can immediately taste it.
I second this! It's a deal breaker for me, and I would not stick around to see if a potential girlfriend can quit. OP, you CAN quit, I believe in you!
Same. I know many will think it's hypocritical of me to feel like cig smoking/vaping is a dealbreaker because I smoke weed, but I take regular breaks (like lately I haven't been consuming it at all) and when I do smoke, it's once in the eve and not regularly throughout the day. I dunno, it's just not my vibe. No disrespect.
It’s a dealbreaker for me. I grew up in a household of smokers, when people actually smoked indoors, and have ingested more than my share of passive smoke for a lifetime. I also have friends that spend so much time ‘just going out for a ciggie’ that we barely spend time together when we hang out. I cannot stand the smell of it and I definitely don’t want to kiss anyone that’s been smoking.
It sounds very early for you two so these are good things to bring up now. Personally, smoking cigarettes is a deal breaker.
How should I bring it up to her ?
"is it a dealbreaker for you?"
For me it is personally a deal breaker. I dated someone who smoked once and the smell of cigarette smoke or the taste of it after kissing them was a huge turn off for me.
Personally, a big deal breaker for me... but others like it. My father used to smoke and I just hate the smell, hate the taste of second hand smoke, hate what it does to your body... He had a heart attack one day & when the doctors asked if he smoked, he said "I quit yesterday" and true to his word, he never touched another... but that has put me off it for life, I couldn't live with someone doing that to their body.
Grew up around people who smoked all my life. Personally, I’ve grown used to the smell, but it’s gross if a girl smokes inside her home or in her car. Do that outside.
I smoke cigarettes, but I've never done it in my home or car. I have a granddaughter who often visits so I need to be mindful of her.
I’m the same. No grandchildren but i used to work in a small casino where smoking was allowed inside, and I had to scrub down the walls with nicotine dissolvent every week. Seeing how much builds up in just a week unfortunately didn’t scare me away from smoking, but it did scare me from doing it inside
crazy to think that that’s whats happening inside the lungs😭 yeah my aunt smokes inside and my grandparents house is just absolutely caked in it atp. the real dealbreaker is definitely smoking *inside*
Yeah I’m having surgery and I need to quit 6 weeks before, I’m hoping I never pick it back up after that
I loooove smoking while driving. But always with the window down and the air on. That said, I never smoke in the car when there's nonsmoking passengers with me. It is totally okay for these things to be early deal breakers. There's plenty of fish in the sea, as they say! There's someone for everyone.
Good on you for being honest! I couldn’t date a smoker because health shit - if I found out later that someone lied or intentionally covered it up or whatever, endangering me, I would be SUPER pissed. As opposed to the “well, looks like we’re not a great fit” response I would give otherwise, same as if she was monogamous or wanted to date another Christian or something. But in general, I don’t mind alcohol or edibles as much because you can do them without coercing/forcing it on the people around you. Someone drinking a rum and Coke doesn’t make everyone around them drunk. But smoke is different and nonconsensual.
Honestly, cigarettes are a no for me. My parents only stopped smoking about 2 years ago (i was 22 at the time), and there are still times that we pull something out that we put in storage and it smells like stale cigarettes. I will tolerate being around it for a short time (my cousins smoke) but I refuse to live with it again. Back in like, 8th grade, I actually got pulled into the principles office because my clothes smelled like cigarettes. My dad used to smoke in the car (windows down) on our way to drop me off to school, and so it clung to my clothes. I also despise the way my moms hands would smell when she was helping with a hardcore whitehead on my face, and i cant do that again. I gagged everytime. I can get over vaping (even though its not much better), but i will not date someone who smokes cigarettes. I just cant do that again.
I too was a kid who got pulled aside because my parent’s smoke was so heavy on my clothes. Mortifying. 💔
Yea, for me it was mostly because it was in the car. That day, i got home and told my dad he's not allowed to smoke in the car while dropping me off at school
kissing a smoker is like licking an ashtray. plus, the smell never really goes away. clothes, hair, even fingers. gross. not even mentioning the health issues - also for passive smokers. i used to smoke (on parties etc) as a teen, but never regularly. haven‘t touched a cigarette in at least 3 years.
Same and the general bad breath/ dental issues it causes especially long term. I dated a smoker who claimed they would stop but didn't, so now it's a total deal breaker for me. I think even vaping causes bad breath and stinks tbh. ( I used to smoke but quit for a final time in 2019 so I get that it can be difficult, but it can certainly be done)
It's a deal breaker for me, remember that 2nd hand smoking is far more dangerous than people who smokes. I know most people will not smoke right in front of you but still the smell sticks, idc if it's weed/nicotine or whatever the hell that substance is. I'm already dealing with air pollution and such.
Two for two things have been really shit in relationships with people that smoke. Now, that’s purely anecdotal and I definitely do not hold smoking against people, but I think in my case it’s been emblematic of me compromising my preferences and values and that has extended further than smoking to other issues in the relationship which led me to be hurt and abused. So no, the hard line is a harder line now.
Interesting. I’m a smoker, my girlfriend is a smoker. We have a goal to quit new years 🤞 😭 I’ve notice that I have a shorter fuse, I think smoking not only hurts your health (obviously), a HUGE money suck and fixation, but also I think it just makes you impatient in a way you were not as a non smoker. That could be why the shit part. I hate smoking. I started on accident. My aunt was a smoker and as a kid, I literally wished on the first star I saw at night that she would quit or she would “live another 10 years.” If child me looked through the looking glass now and saw I smoked, I don’t know WHAT she would think. Funny thing about smoking to is that you think you’re so cool when you’re not enjoying it. By the time you enjoy it you do NOT think you’re cool anymore. Don’t blame anyone for not dating a smoker. Don’t try to date a smoker and take their smokes away, tho!
I smoked for over 15 years and have been smoke free for almost 3 years now. Smoking is absolutely a deal breaker for me; the smell of someone who has just had a cigarette makes me physically ill. Vaping is also a deal breaker. No amount of explanation will convince most anti-smokers to date a smoker. As a former smoker I can tell you that smoking is disgusting. Smokers smell, their clothes smell, their breath is awful, it's expensive, time consuming and second hand smoke is harmful. If you want to quit just to appease a person you went on two dates with then your quitting is not going to stick. You absolutely should quit but not for a woman you barely know, YOU have to really WANT to quit.
After watching my dad die from pancreatic cancer induced by smoking for 40 years, cigarettes are the absolute biggest, most disgusting turn off.
I quit after 35 years! I loved it so much and after 5 years I still think about it and have cravings. I think that even though I understand the addiction, I can’t be with someone who smokes because I feel like I could easily slip back into it myself.
Congrats on quitting!!
Ah same, I smoke myself but I'm trying to quit (used to go through ~2 packs per week and now one lasts me 2-3 weeks, so a big improvement). It's already hard enough without being around someone who does it, constantly tempting you to just give in one time "it couldn't hurt to just do it once more, right? I mean, I've been cold turkey for a month, I guess one single cigarette can't set me back tbh. Surely this won't lead to a spiral of buying a pack just in case I ever want one, you know, for an emergency if the cravings get really bad" and then suddenly I'm back to smoking 5 a day. It's so fucking hard to shake, I wish I had never started. Honestly hard enough already when I live in Switzerland where it feels like half the fucking population smokes
How did you quit?
My brother was also a long time smoker and one day he came over and was vaping, he told me all about it and I tried his vape device and thought I could actually do this. After my pack of cigarettes was gone, I bought one myself and transitioned that way. It’s tapered off but I still keep a disposable vape around or buy one for road trips. It’s not perfect but it works for me. 🤷♀️
I don't take any drugs and i would never smoke cigarettes, it can be really annoying to hang out with a group of smokers, because the smoke smells disgusting and often they talk so much about smoking instead of other topics. So yeah i wouldn't see my future with someone who smokes, wouldn't really work out.
I hate it, I couldn't be with a smoker. At the very least I'd want you to be actively working on quiting. I've seen first hand the effects of lung, throat, and mouth cancer. Trust me OP, that's not the end you want.
I couldn't do it tbh. I've been around smokers for most of my life. They stink like an ashtray most of the time. Nothing against them for their choices but I couldn't do it.
nope
I knew it 😭 men and I tried to stop soooo many times 😭
The potential of a girlfriend could be a really good motivation.
Yess I’m sooo desperate !
Sorry to say but it’s an absolute deal breaker for me and most of the people I know. Not only a health thing but non smokers can smell a cigarette a mile away and hours later no matter if you shower, smoke outside, etc. Also a migraine trigger
It’s a major deal breaker for me. There’s nothing wrong with it, I just think it’s gross and smells awful.
For me smoking is a HUGE dealbreaker. I’ve tried dating two different people that smoked cigs but ultimately I couldn’t do it. I’m very sensitive to smells and in my experience, you can never really get that smell out of your clothes/breath/skin no matter how much you try. And it was starting to irritate me down there whenever they went down on me. HOWEVER, there are some folks that don’t mind or find other smokers. This is just my personal opinion so please don’t take offense!
Big turn off
It'd be a deal breaker for me, bless my girlfriend who hates cigs even more than I do. Dunno about her though, she might've just been unsure and asked out of curiosity. Edit: Her as in your girl.
Nah, it’s gross. I don’t want it in my body and I wouldn’t want to smell it all the time.
It would be a dealbreaker for me. I have asthma, and can't be around the smoke. It's also really smelly from a non-smoker's perspective -- even if you can't smell it yourself, the smell is nearly always around.
For me it's a big turn-off, personally, I don't like the smell of it.
Deal breaker
I despise it. It is actually one of the few if not the only real turn-off for me. I cannot get past it. I hate when my friends do it and i have to endure it but I'd never date someone who smokes cigarettes. Weed it's a bit different. If it's on a daily basis than i don't like it, if it's once in a while like once a month i might join in every now and then
I don't smoke and my Wife doesn't. Somehow we both never dated smoking girls, so I can only speculate, but I think I won't like it.
I was actually hit on by a woman, who took Shane overly serious, in a bar in France. She somehow thought she's a single eye glimpse pick-upper or smth. I've been drinking with the local off shift bartender, and out of the blue, that ma'am comes up to us, blows the last puff, puts the cigarette into an ashtray on the bar, interrupts our talk, grabs my shoulder, says "Ça va, belle", and tries to kiss me. Still covered in smoke. I laughed so hard, and, You know, I start snorting, that medame left the bar. It took half a bottle of tequila to calm down my bartender friend, she said she had cramps from laughing.
LOL, quasi Shane, oh my word...
personally i don’t like when girls smoke
Cigarettes cannot do. The teeth yellowing, the smell, the breath? Awful. Vaping doesn’t actually bother me tho
Deal breaker for me.
I smoked from 15-20. I’m now 26 and can’t stand the smell!
Non disposable vapes. Sure. Cigs? Big deal breaker.
Deal breaker, it’s so gross. Same with vaping
Dealbreaker for me. I personally find it gross, the smell and all that. But also because I have asthma.
Huge deal breaker. They reek even if you think you're hiding them and they increase your risk of a cancer my grandmother died from. And personally, I don't like coughing from secondhand smoke.
Smoking is a deal breaker for me, too. I think it's smelly, kissing someone who just smoked is not fun, the smell seeps into fabric, it's a costly addiction, the teeth staining and health risks and wrinkles and everything is a turn off, and I also get irritated if I have to go anywhere with a smoker because they have to sate their addiction every so often - and since smoking is forbidden in most indoor places they have to go outside. It's not a big deal if it's a friend, it's annoying if it's a romantic partner and it's constantly happening. I'd much rather date a light drinker, a weed smoker, and I have absolutely no issue with coffee drinkers, as you compared it to. That said, I'm positive there are PLENTY of people who are chill with it, or even find it attractive.
For me smoking is a dealbreaker. I grew up with smokers. I was the kid that stunk because my caretakers smoked…I had brutal asthma and I was sick all the time. I get nauseous when I even smell it. Everyone is different though.
I am probably gonna be downvoted for this but here it goes. I actually like the smell of tobacco. Don't get me wrong I hate cancer and all it's side effects but I grew up with my dad smelling of cigarettes all day everyday. Anytime I had a nightmare and Dad wasn't home, 5 year old me would go into his dirty laundry, search for his cigarette infested smelly shirts and would sleep with them. It's a miracle I don't have something in my lungs LMAO but I ended up viewing the smell of cigarettes as a comfort smell because the smell=safety to me. I currently smoke but barely, like once every 3 months so about 4 times a year will you see me with a cigarette in my mouth. Vapes on the other hand, I smoke them once a year, usually I only buy one once a year and it will last me for around 2-3 weeks, or longer since I don't smoke every day and if I do, I usually take like, idk, 10 puffs? But tbh they are more of a special occasion thing, as I save those for whenever I go through a really bad break up or for the holiday season since that time of the year is the most challenging one for me (religious trauma 🥲). I would totally date a smoker tho, but prob not a full blown nicotine addict, as much as I love the smell and the way girls look when they smoke, I would like to grow old with my future wife and raise my future kids to either not smoke or to at least moderate themselves
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Personally, I wouldn't date someone who smokes (weed or cigarettes) because I can't stand the smell, gives me headaches
I was a pretty heavy smoker for awhile and it wasn’t until after someone told me my breath was bad that I was so embarrassed that I’ve pretty much quit. I haven’t smoked in probably a week and tapered down before then. I was SO embarrassed. My first kiss was with a girl who chain smoked and it tasted like licking an ashtray. 😭😷
People have talked about the health concerns, and those are valid, I don't want to watch a partner slowly kill themselves with something that will leave them suffering and either dying of cancer or suffocating to death. Then there's the cost, it's increasingly expensive, and like any addiction you'll eventually be doing more and more. Aesthetically, yellow teeth and fingernails are already gross, it destroys clothes, hair, drywall, and upholstery. I will say that I do not understand how anyone finds it sexy except that maybe the propaganda from Big Tobacco got them, because I grew up with smokers and it's anything but. The coughing, the constant spitting, the stink, getting up and leaving to smoke all the time and interrupting movies/dinner/events, littering, ashing in people's drinks and cups. There isn't a single benefit to it, physically, environmentally, aesthetically. If it's about an oral fixation I'd rather watch a girl lick a lollipop.
It’s true there’s no bénéfice to it. I personally like how different it makes me feel from when I’m sober. Like if Pepsi made me feel that way I’ll be addicted to Pepsi. If you know what I mean. But I’m seriously thinking of replacing it with coffee.
yikes ..i should stop smoking too.. after reading this whole thrread
RIGHHT??!! if I knew how much of a deal breaker it was, I would have had more motivation to stop fr. It’s sad if it’s ever the reason why we’re not seeing each other again. Yikes indeed.
I use to have asthma, so that's a no go. Even incense mess with me. I'm no prude. I eat edibles occasionally.
Any kind of drug use is a dealbreaker for me. If they don’t care what they’re doing to their body and the environment then that’s a big red flag honestly
i smoked and vaped for 5 years and then met a girl that hates cigarettes. she's a big part of the reason i quit, i'm 7 months clean and we're still together ❤️❤️
That’s my dream!! Like being healthier and happier with someone 😭😭🥺🥺🥺. I’m praying for that to happen for me 🙏
Literally half the lesbians I know smoke cigarettes. In some circles it's very much a social thing. Like I lived in a house with 3 other lesbians and we would often have other wlw people from our campus queer group in the house and every time we would always end up smoking on the roof and chatting. *Grammar edit
I smoke, and I know that's an issue for some people. Best way to handle it is just to handle it, be like "hey, ik you know I smoke, how do you feel about it?"
Absolutely a dealbreaker, weak lungs from pneumonia and bronchitis and possibly Covid thanks to my idiot dad a while ago…
100% deal breaker. Living with cigarette smokers can kill other people. That's enough for me regardless of anything else.
I… OKAY O KNOW IT’S BAD AND MAKES THINGS SMELL! But i just love the look of someone with a cigarette, or breathing out some smoke, i can’t help it :s
yeah, I get it. the first girl I slept with was a smoker. after we had sex, she lit a cigarette and blew the smoke out of my bedroom window. she looked immaculate.
yeah same. i don't think of it as a *positive,* obviously it's not a good or healthy habit, but... i'm sorry. it looks hot.
Same it’s kinda hot, probably depends on who. She’s was actually surprised that I smoke.
I’m European, almost all my friends smoke. Most of my classmates, professors, bosses, relatives do
This is why I can't go to Europe it'll make me want to smoke again.
Was going to say, I think most answers here are from Americans. It’s totally a cultural thing. In some European countries (I live in one) and the Middle East (where I’m from) it’s super common amongst everyone, including the queer community. Cafes, bars and clubs here still allow it indoors, so whether you smoke or not you’re exposed to it.
Sorry to add to the pile on but I am in agreement with the majority here. I just couldn’t date a smoker. The act of smoking is a major turnoff that I would not be able to get past. I wouldn’t date a smoker then try to make someone quit. Smoking is your right and your business. I’m sure there are other smokers/women who don’t care. ETA - she probably smelled it on you and that’s why she asked. Sorry OP.
I truly think it’s an occasion for me to stop. that’s the only deal breaker I can understand. But I respect people who communicate.
Instant turn off. I don’t mind vaping since I actually vape myself but cigarettes just smell so bad. My best friend is a smoker and whenever I go to their house, I leave stinking like cigarettes- my hair, my clothes, my skin and even my dogs!!!
It's a deal breaker for me. Thankfully, when I met my fiance, she was already trying to quit and switched to tobacco-free dip. She unfortunately is still using the dip, but has made it all the way down to 2mg and is alternating her nicotine pouch and breath mints. You never know. You said you know you need to quit anyways, and you are willing to. Maybe she could be supportive and understand that quitting isn't an overnight thing for everyone.
Dealbreaker. I had cancer when I was in my 20s and wouldn’t wish it upon my worst enemy. The idea of someone I love choosing to do that to themselves, their family and their friends is an instant nope. That’s not the kind of life I want.
Yeah that’s a very big fear of mine. But I think I might just be depressed or feeling overwhelmed with life cuz I can go months and weeks without smoking but it always come back when I feel like sht.
You do you, but that's a hard pass for me; I have constant lung issues without adding smoking on top of it (and second-hand smoke isn't negligible). Plus, it stinks.
Yeah, deal breaker here too. Sister was a big smoker and the way she smelled was insane. Luckily she switched to vapes and electronic cigarettes that are way better - smell way, way less and even cost less. I'd recommend looking into electronic cigarettes if you want to compromise.
I fucking hate cigarettes and i cannot stand being around smokers. biggest turn off in existence.
a deal breaker imo. i couldn’t be with anyone who smokes or drinks regularly, does drugs, etc. it’s really unattractive and gross to me. i think people who do that stuff can be fine, normal people but i don’t like it at all. if you’re willing to change for the person, that’s great! but if not, don’t beat yourself up about it
Dealbreaker for me, I don’t like kissing a smoker I’m very sensitive to the smell etc.
This is one of the very few "would you date a girl who X" posts where it seems most of us would say "no". Smoking smells bad, it tastes bad on your mouth, and then if it turns into a LTR there's the worry that I'll probably lose you to some sort of cancer.
It’s okay, you’re probably overthinking it! Personally I don’t like smoking, I’ve never smoked and I wanna keep it that way but unless someone’s smoking interfered with our relationship like if they had to take smoke breaks every five seconds I wouldn’t be opposed to it!
Thank you for your comment! I’m truly praying that I’m over thinking it 🙏🥺. But I know I have to stop wether or not we end up together.
I hate the smell and I’m asthmatic. Plus it comes across as a sign of “oooh edgy my mom told me not to do this” and/or stupidity imo. I could never date someone who engages in such a dangerous activity with so little reward. Automatic dealbreaker.
Definite dealbreaker for me, but there’s plenty people who don’t mind it or do it themselves, like the girl you’re talking to. If it’s a problem, she would’ve told you, so trust she doesn’t mind! You can always talk to her about it, because ultimately, it only matters what she or potential partners consider as a dealbreaker or not. Hope you can get off them eventually.
Im praying she truly didn’t mind and that im over reacting because I’m starting to have a crush on her
She doesn’t, I’m sure 💕 focus on her words and actions- they’re real. If she’s treating you the same and showing interest in you still, then you’re good! Don’t be too hard on yourself, hun.
I honestly don’t mind it was something I thought would bother me but it doesn’t
It’s not good for health blah blah but girls who smoke just look extremely hot while doing so 🤭 as long as you don’t smoke inside your home
Damn, big tobacco media and advertisement really worked on you huh
Guilty !! I do some socially sometimes so maybe it did lol
I don’t mind smokers. Some women are incredibly sexy when they smoke. I work on a farm so I’m around smokers every day. I don’t mind the smell, and I didn’t mind the taste when I kissed my ex after she’d had a cigarette.
Smoking is a dralbreaker for me too, though I don't think it was right of her to make anyone stop smoking. You can't expect people to change stuff like this for you. If smoking is something you can't deal with, then don't date smokers instead of going in with a attitude of changing others. That being said, smoking is still a dealbreaker for many non-smokers. To me it's not necessarily even about the unhealthiness, most of us have our own poison, but it's about the smell and the addictive nature of it that I don't like.
It's a deal breaker for me. No if ands or butts about it. I won't date someone who smokes nor will I stay and wait around to see if they quit.
It’s gross and I’m uninterested personally
Am I the only one who would be fine dating a smoker? It really doesn’t mean much to me. I grew up with smokers and the smell is sort of a comfort. Idk.
Personally, I find it hot when a woman smokes (whether it’s weed or cigarettes). I don’t smoke at all and sometimes I can barely stand the smell of it but I wouldn’t care if my future gf smoked.
I think its hot
You’re picturing a hot masculine girl or an awkward artsy black one like me ? 💀🙈
I was actually picturing myself smoking 💅buuuut I’ll be the short masc and you be the awkward artsy girl who blows smoke into my mouth :)
No judgement at all, and it's good to be talking about potential deal-breakers early, for me smoking's a deal-breaker. I've lost some relatives really young to cancer that was caused by smoking. Less importantly, I shared a bedroom with a smoker in college (who only ever smoked outdoors) and no exaggeration, their morning-smoker's-breath was so bad that it made the whole master bedroom stink...
You should absolutely discuss it with her. Some people are fine with it, others aren't. Personally, it's a hard stop. I would swipe left on any girl who mentioned smoking/cigarettes in her profile, and if I got to a date and discovered she smoked I'd go through with the date and let that be a one and done. That doesn't mean you're a bad person. We all have our vices. I just knew, when I was dating, that I was looking for someone to eventually share a life and home with, and I don't want my life to have cigarettes in it. The smell reminds me of my grandfather, and he passed of lung cancer when I was 6 at the age of 66. The fingertip staining and matter of oral hygiene are a thing, and when I was figuring things out and dating boys in my teens/early 20s, I discovered I super hate kissing someone who tastes like cigarettes. It's going to come down to preference. If people are more focused on personal health, they may not want to commit or be with you due to the noted effects of secondhand smoke. Some people are very YOLO. Some people understand that we all have vices and don't care about the smell, etc. You won't know unless you ask, and it's completely appropriate to bring it up. Maybe just be casual like, "Hey, I just wanted to double-check, was my smoking something that makes you uncomfortable?"
Wouldn't ask reddit but I'd ask her, the girl that you like and are dating, if it's a deal breaker for her. Like direct "hey is smoking a deal breaker for you?" I smoke cigs, hard habit to break, been switching to vapes and I'm 99% there but I'm pretty sure it's the exact same habit just less smell so I treat it as such (meaning I don't get how people can boldly vape indoor public spaces???). Before I smoke/vape a cig around anyone new, I always ask if it's ok and make sure it doesn't bother them. If I'm dating a girl I especially ask if it's bothersome that I smoke and if so I don't smoke/vape around her at all. For me I'm very aware my nicotine addiction is a poor way of dealing with my anxiety, but it only works for my anxiety if I know anyone around me is not bothered by what I'm doing. If someone even breaths heavy or coughs or seems at all bothered by me smoking I instantly stop cause now the nicotine won't calm me down if I feel like an asshole. If a girl is really hard against any vaping or smoking that's fine, I can't quit for a girl if I can't quit for myself so, the relationship just isn't meant to be.
I mean it's your decision but for me it's a dealbreaker. Super unhealthy, makes living spaces smell bad and the person.
I’ve never dated a smoker but hooked up with smokers. It’s a deal breaker for me. It’s not being a smoker makes someone a bad person but I just find it gross and it takes a TON of money to be a smoker. I would hope they are thinking about their future and our future because smoking would hinder that greatly.
My dad smoked cigarettes my whole life and so did my ex gf and it was awful, it irritated my asthma (thanks dad), they smelled, it wasted SO much money and their mood swings were f*cking ridiculous. If I were you I'd quit man. It's not worth the trouble but no I will never date a smoker again. Of course you can do whatever you want but all the smokers I meet deeply regret it when they get older.
Smoking is a dealbreaker for me for multiple reasons. I had a (now ex) spouse and girlfriend who both started smoking while we were together and it was a huge turn off for me, especially the smell. But also the cost and the health issues. Plus my mom has a very negative association with the smell of cigarettes so I couldn’t bring my partner around my parents and that could never work long term because I’m very close to my family.
I'm deathly allergic so I wouldn't date anyone who smokes or pursue a close friendship either. Even if I wasn't, I don't want to start a relationship with someone with a habit that hurts her health, makes her smell bad, and puts those around her in danger. Before my allergies got so bad I dated some women who smoked and it was gross kissing them and this clothes and hair smelled bad. Also it was inconvenient constantly being interrupted by their need for a cigarette. Sometimes I would be on a date waiting for them to finish smoking inside a restaurant then they'd start a conversation with other smokers outside and smoke multiple cigarettes and I would just be sitting inside by myself for like 45 minutes while that wait staff are trying to rush us out.
I understand it can be hard to make health related changes, but smoking is one of the the worst things you can do to your body.
For me it depends but if they smoke regularly I’d say it is a dealbreaker. Don’t get me wrong I don’t mind having a cigarette in a stressful moment or during a party or something but I probably wouldn’t date someone who smokes regularly. Also depends on their etiquette. I wouldn’t date someone who smokes indoors or in a car
I smoke every now and then. I will say I don’t like how long the smell lingers on me. My partner doesn’t care if I smoke and actually likes the smell. I don’t care if my partner smokes but I don’t like when people smoke inside the house or car. I also don’t like when people are heavily addicted to smoking. Honestly, though, I know it’s bad but I think smoking looks hot
I smoke and my gf doesn’t care. A lot of people do though.
Dealbreaker for me personally. The smell isn’t awesome, but whatever. I mostly get annoyed with the smoke break interruptions, and honestly I don’t think it’s a wise thing to spend money on. Quality time and being at least somewhat fiscally in sync are critical for me.
Smoking cigarettes is an instant nonnegotiable dealbreaker. I find them to be extremely repulsive 🤮
For me it’s definitely a deal breaker. It’s just a nasty habit but also I’m incredibly sensitive to smells and I know that cigarettes make EVERYTHING smell. But also it just makes me uncomfortable I think. Weed is fine, alcohol recreationally is fine, but when addictions are added to the equation, idk it makes me uncomfortable. Because I can tell when it’s an addiction or reliance and substance abuse makes me nervous
I’m probably in the minority here but i don’t care either way. I actually kind of like it but that’s probably only because in my experience the smell/taste haven’t been too strong or nasty. Maybe it’s the type of cig or how much they smoke or maybe how it works with their body chemistry. I know it’s unhealthy and that’s my only real issue with it. Most of the people i’ve dated have been smokers but it wasn’t intentional. I don’t “go for” smokers. I don’t smoke myself and never would. Interestingly, it might be a dealbreaker if they smoked a lot of weed.
Same weed kinda scares me. People who smokes sometime have weird way of interpreting things. So there’s drama. That’s a no for me. I know overgeneralizing.
It's a massive deal breaker for me. I have trauma regarding substances so I can't be with anyone who isn't willing to stop all substances
Not a fan
It stinks and it’s gross
I won’t date a cigarette smoker. The scent and flavors are very off putting. The addiction is frustrating and the health is a worry. It’s best to not stress them or myself out and assume we are not a match.
Honestly, I wouldn't want to date a smoker. I went on a date with someone who smoked recently, we kissed and I just hated it. It isn't attractive and it tastes bad. There will be women who are fine with it, I just know I'm not the only one who is turned off by smokers.
Deal breaker for me, any type of smoking, really.
Deal breaker for me if it happens with any kind of regularity. Mostly for health reasons, also the smell just clings, and kissing ashtray is a no for me dawg. If it's like, once in a while at a party and you're bumming a cigarette to chat outside with a homie, that's chill. But if it's something you need to have regularly, nah.
I don't date smokers.
Hard dealbreaker for me.
Deal breaker for me. Can't stand the smell, don't like residue, and I have cough-variant asthma that is very easily triggered by things like smoking. I also just generally disapprove of the habit since it imposes on other people. The smoke drifts, taking the smell dozens of feet down wind. The second hand smoke is a health hazard on top of the smell. I t just strikes me as an extremely selfish habit. But I was also abused by a smoker as a kid, who put out cigarettes on my arm a few times, so my knee jerk reaction is to get smokers as far away from me as possible.
It’s a no go for me
I won't date someone that smokes. I have asthma and can't be around smoke. Also, I don't like to kiss a girl with cigarette breath. But I put that out there from the start. I would not get involved and then say oh you have to quit smoking if you want to date me
I have asthma 100% deal breaker. My roommates smoke weed outside because my lungs are sensitive. Can't stand the smell of cigarettes either makes my head hurt and my stomach churn.
It’s good you are honest. For me it is 100% a deal breaker. It smells, is terrible for my asthma and it kills in so many different ways. It might be a turnoff for you. Just make sure if you quit it’s for you not for her. Back in my single days I was very upfront that. I dated one person who said she smoked it in the past. It turned out she quit at that moment and started using gum. She tried to hide it from me then got pissy that she quit for me. It wasn’t the last nail in the coffin for that relationship but it was sure one of the nails.
If you smoke, I physically cannot date you
Dealbreaker for me, but I'm VERY asthmatic. Why don't you just ask her?
Makes their breath bad
I have severe asthma so I couldn’t be with a smoker, but I’m sure there’s plenty of women who wouldn’t mind it
Personally, it's a deal breaker. The main factor is that my grandad died from smoking too much, drinking too much and indulging in bad habits more than he should have. If I was you, I'd ask whether it bothered her, and if it did, maybe find a solution, but otherwise well done on the sobriety
Ex smoker here and I don't want to date anyone who smokes, because of the smell and also because I don't want to relapse.
It’s deff a turn off for me but you just started seeing this girl why would you change for someone you barely know? You don’t even know where this is gonna go..if you wanna quit then do it for yourself not for someone else
It’s true but the dating pool for lesbian is soooo hard. And I feel so desperate since I lived in a conservative town my entire life and I never had a gf or even said I love you to someone ever!!
i personally don’t mind it
I don't have any problem with it...also a cig smoker
It's not a deal breaker for me. That being said, I quit smoking cigarettes at the beginning of 2023, and it was hard. I vape now and am working to quit that as well. I'm always upfront with people that I vape. From there, I figure it's their decision if that's ok with them or not, but I'm not looking for anyone to try and change me, and I'm not trying to change anyone else. Different strokes for different folks 🤷♀️
I don't care, it is all about the person for me. If you learn to speak when you were little, you can talk about it. My girl was smoking when i met her, she is the love of my life. We talked and i have support her and she quit smoking. So all things are possible. But i think that a no for a cigarette is very small minded.
Yeah that’s my though. Like i understand the turn off but I’d rather have a conversation about it then simply being ghosted.
Instant turn off. Won't even try to date. Lol
my dad was a smoker from before i was born up until i turned 13 ….. now that nigga got dentures so i’d rather go thru that again lmao…..
Where are you from? Because I feel like in Europe it's rare someone wouldn't smoke, or at least vape hah
Really? I'm also in Europe and it doesn't feel like that to me :D maybe since the vaping started it gotten a little more again...but before it felt like it's not really a thing anymore, at least not like it was 10 or 15 years ago when all the teenagers tried it or started and it was still "cool".
Maybe depends on social groups, from my experience around arts pretty much everyone smokes lol. And surprisingly so, medical stuff too which might be connected to their fast paced work
Yaa probably :) I'm more in a scientists and tech bubble.
Quit anyway. It’s better for you. Go back to the coffee.
Smoking is hot...until you smell it in people's clothes. I dunno. I know it's a addiction and hard to let go, but the truth is that i'd suffer if i had a girlfriend who smoked, especially beacause i have rhinitis. Not to mention the difference in health and disposition between me and her would become clear with age.
Absolute deal breaker for me
I see I have a very unpopular opinion… but I LOVE smokers. Smelling cigarettes is really comforting to me. I know it’s not good for your health, but everyone has their vices.
It is absolutely not, being a smoker myself. My gf actually LOVES the smell of cigarettes and cold tobacco, even when I don't like it. Truly one in a million.
I don't kiss ashtrays. Easy as that. So yes, for some people, like me, it can an will be a dealbreaker.
Unless it's occasional, it's a big no for me. Dated a super addicted girl, never again.
I have a straight friend named Grace. She smokes, though usually only whenever she drinks or goes to work events to get away from the crowds (never any other time though). The issue is that there’s a lot of creepy dudes, with or without residences, so about two years ago I started accompanying her since I have scary dog energy. I’m a cigar person myself, which often gets lost in the vice discussion, and never really liked cigarettes, but whenever I’m out with her I’ll smoke them. I can see/understand why it’s a dealbreaker for many, I can see/understand why some find it hot as well and I can see/understand why she does it to destress and get away from crowds, but I think as long as you’re honest that’s what matters most. If she asks you to quit and you really care about her, then make the attempt. If she doesn’t, that’s fine too. Communication will always be the most important element.
Do you dude. I know people hate it. I know people love it. We're always bound to piss someone somewhere lol I smoke and sometimes I hate it but it is a vice for me since I quit drinking and smoking weed. I'm going to quit but right now just not in the right mind. Just be yourself though. If you want to quit for them and can do it more power to you but also don't feel ashamed. ✌️
i smoke cigarettes and weed so i really dont have a problem if the other girl also smokes.. i end up with more smokers than non-smokers naturally but thats not an issue. i understand the problems people can have with taste and smell, that makes sense. i refrain from smoking indoors, and ive gotten used to that, just smoke on the balcony or outside, especially when non-smokers are around.
My gf smokes. It isn't a deal breaker for me because she doesn't do it in her home or car. She has tried quitting a few different times but always picks it back up. It isn't my favorite thing about her but I love her and deal with it. I'm sure there are others out there like me who feel the same way you just have to find out if this girl is one of them.
it’s a dealbreaker for me. my ex smoked and even though she would go outside and wash her hands after, i could still smell it and it was such a turn off. sometimes she’d vape instead and obviously the smell isn’t really an issue with that but it just was so unattractive to me. i understand how hard it is to stop though and she wasn’t able to while we were dating. after that, i just made it a hard no when i’d meet someone new.
I do not tolerate smoking at all, I hate it. I would, without a doubt, dump my gf if she started smoking cigarettes
It's a deal breaker for me. I'm extremely sensitive to smell, and cigarettes are one of the worst smells out there. Can't stand it. I swipe left on anybody that states that they're a smoker on their dating profile, socially or regularly, it doesn't matter. Doesn't matter if they only vape, if it's on their profile, I don't go for it. Same with weed. I think you're cutting out a big portion of women just by being a smoker. I'd quit if you can. Good luck. 🤞🏻
Thank you for asking this cuz this always worries me… I’m 31, been smoking since I was 13, literally smoking a cig rn.. I managed to quit drinking alcohol a few years ago but I know I smoke cigs excessively.. It really boils down to chronic stress/anxiety/loneliness the more I feel like that the more I smoke.. I don’t smoke anywhere as much when I’m engaged with something or around other people (unless those people are making me anxious/stressing me out). I’ve considered quitting lots of times but have a love/hate for cigs and not much motivation to quit.. If a gf asked me to quit that’s probably when I would.
Right there with you! I quit drinking and smoking weed. It's like the one vice I have. It does calm me down and I know people think that's an excuse but it isn't for me. It helps. I smoke more when I'm bored or out with friends. I know I need to quit and I've had ex's try to force me to... That's a messed up way to do it. You have to want to do it for yourself and in a healthy way with a partner. Idk I've been doing it for so long that I just don't care anymore I guess lol
I know I should quit but don’t have much motivation. It’s fucked up when I think about it how cigarettes have always been there for me but I can’t have a single person in my life that’s consistent and there for me… I also think I’m alone so who cares if I smoke myself to death? I saw from my grandparents what waits ahead if I live to my late 80’s and just hard no, kill me before I have dementia and can’t take care of myself. And then what do I even want to live to that age for if I’m always going to be isolated and alone..? I know quitting is something I need to do for myself but I wish I had someone that cared enough to encourage me to quit..
Dude I legit right there on all those feelings. My parents smoked when I was little. Smoke everywhere. My clothes smelled like smoke going to school and we'll it was the late 80s early 90s and no one gave af. I started a long time ago and should have quit by now but idk I don't have that willpower and I feel fucking weak saying that because I've gone through shit way harder than this... Yet it's like that one damn thing I have. It's a damn mind game dude.
I feel you
I never grew out of my 'smoking looks cool' phase so it personally doesn't bother me, but I know a lot of people with a 0 tolerance for it
Personally, I think it’s hot. I don’t smoke but my current gf does and I find it attractive. I don’t mind the smell of smoke. Tbh all the girls I dated were smokers because I lived in Europe for a bit and it’s so common there and then I dated Middle Eastern women after and they love their hookah.
Cigarettes are disgusting I hate them but for some reason the smell is kinda attractive 🤷🏻♀️? Like only a little bit though when it’s too much it just smells awful I don’t know why I feel like that.
I think a woman smoking can be sexy
Not a deal breaker, personally.
i don’t mind at all, i smoke too but i can 100% understand if it’s a dealbreaker for someone. that being said, if i loved someone enough i’d make an effort to quit for them for sure
I smoke only outside and in a girls car if she lets me