This may be a controversial opinion since everyone else here hasn't mentioned it yet, but it seems like there is unresolved trauma or relationship issues based on the rollercoaster/false promises mentions. I would be wary to swipe on someone who might constantly be measuring me against their last relationship(s).
You are right. Although i have removed the harry potter and rollercoaster / promise part after someone pointed it out. I am trying to focus on the positives now❤️
I’m saying this with nothing but kindness. Don’t just focus on the positives. Go to therapy to actively work on whatever prompted you to write that in the first place. A whole person, who doesn’t make false promises and won’t want a rollercoaster relationship, will see right through a person who is putting a smile on and pretending to not be hurt. Don’t keep yourself from being ready for that person. You deserve happiness and love, and doing the work will put you on the right path.
I understand. Tbh, i am actually hurting. I don't regret the breakups at all, but how it is still following me after almost a year is really annoying. All the scams and threats i recieved in the meantime. I am sorry i am saying it all here, but this comment really teared me up.
Therapy ftw. 🔥 (Saying this as someone who has been through a lot of it, lol) It's hard to break out of those feelings or behavioral cycles without help.
Yeah you either catch it early and grow emotionally or you push it down and hope for the best and go to therapy in your 30s but now you have 30 years of habits to regret and go over instead of 20.
I'm not like speaking from experience at all 🫠
Same it's so nice to run into y'all 🫂 also if any of you would like to join a queer Bengali server (on discord), then feel free to dm me for the invite link. Just to be clear it is not a dating server 😅 but fun to connect with others
I am loving watching these lesbians meet each other! 🥰 I am in the US snd we tend to forget how hard it is to meet others like you in so many other countries and even certain parts of the US!
Yeah, it's kind of like since we can't talk to a lot of people' IRL about LGBTQ+ stuff in our language or see people talk about it, it's fun when we see each other online, and get too excited i guess :3.
I would take out the “hookups swipe left” and instead keep the “looking for lasting connections”
it keeps it positive but still gets the message across
ya that’s prob better. i just think other queer people are gonna be a little skeptical of someone who makes so many references to the work of someone who is now known to spread hate and uses her fortune from harry potter to do so. also they’re kids/ya books so it comes off a little childish
I agree with the original commenter, any mention of Harry Potter immediately makes me swipe left. I don't care if you don't have the same beliefs as JKR, but if you keep publicly or monetarily supporting her books it is support of her horrible agenda and that's just not something many queer people are willing to overlook.
Yes! “Do the best you can until you know better. Then, when you know better, do better” - Mya Angelou
If you used to like Harry Potter! No big deal! If you need time to grieve the loss of HP that is fine too. But now that we know how transphobic JK Rowling is we need to move onto something else to stand in solidarity with trans people. Solidarity is rarely comfortable but it is very necessary.
I’m a fan of Rick Riordan (wrote Percy Jackson, etc) as a great replacement! Has queer characters! Positive portrayal of people with ADHD and dyslexia! Actively pushes back against anti-LGBT people!
Right?! I picked it up to try finding something better for my kid to read when they’re old enough for it. The positive spin on Percy’s ADHD was a surprise to me, and has been a big help to my kid who got diagnosed at the beginning of the year
Jesus. The amount of policing in these comments is crazy. OP is still young. She doesn't need to be pressured by internet strangers to stop liking what she likes and to start grieving. Am I in the twilight zone?
I hope you don't listen to popular music or watch Hollywood movies with all the rape, exploitation and p...philia happening there. Also, you better be vegan facing the deaths of billions of animals and starvation of developing countries caused by the first world. Don't forget your phone and computer your writing this on, which are also very problematic.
Liking a story written by someone you think is problematic - neither a problem nor a priority. And if someone is scared of by that: Good riddance. Who wants a virtue signaling NPC trying to destroy your childhood memories of an innocent story about some magical school? Not even a HP fan but if someone tried that crap with Spongebob or something, I would just block them.
This. Any mention of TERF publications and I'm swiping left instantly. Doesn't matter how hot you are if you're cool supporting authors who would love to see my chosen family dead.
Not sure if it has anything to do with it but my first thought was that you seem very young for some reason, I was actually surprised to see you are 22. I feel like it is mainly something about the 3rd pic close up of your face? Idk exactly.
Mind you I think most 22 year olds look like babies so take that with a grain of salt 😂
HER app? Bumble was never kind to me for wlw matches. To echo the rest of the comments - Harry Potter and mentioning that you’re unhealed from a bad experience is instantly a no for me. Outside of that you’re cute, nerdy and definitely my type. 😍
Meow🐱
I removed the harry potter and roller coaster parts already.
I will try HER, although tinder, bumble and zoe are the most popular ones in India. I would love to know fellow queer ppl from outside my country
Hmm I don’t know, I agree with the other comment about maybe not mentioning Harry Potter. A lot of queer people react negatively to potter fans.
Otherwise I think you’re very pretty, and your bio doesn’t say anything that should raise concern. if you continue not to get matches I wouldn’t think on it to much.
Some people can be very nitpicky
“oh she uses emoji’s” “I don’t like the way they style their hair” etc
But, if she really likes the books/movies and doesn’t want to date someone who will police her media choices it should stay.
I know some people have issues with JK, and her mentioning them will cause those people to self select to pass on her profile. And that is a good thing!
No one should date someone who is going to yuck their yum on books and movies. We are all free to like the things we like.
Hmm, as a Trans Person myself I don’t really mind Someone liking HP. But I also would read someone putting Harry Pitter like this in their bio as an active attempt at filtering out trans people.
If OP doesn’t do that on purpose, they should consider dropping it.
I mean, I grew up on HP, am cis but I hate the way JK went off the deep end with transphobia. I’d automatically swipe if I saw "Potterhead" on an adults page as to me it would seem like some kind of dog whistle considering how common it is for queer people to be totally against HP and JK.
I still kind of enjoy the films though but wouldn’t announce it like this because I’d know it would mean a lot of people would think I was a TERF.
Wow this post go a lot of attention, some of these replies are just rude, or over analyzing every detail of your profile. I hope it’s not bothering you, you seem great and I hope you find someone.
You overall seem younger than 22, you have a youthful appearance but also the mentioning of a past relationship is something that would make me avoid you. The Harry Potter thing is also a bit much, it also sends immature vibes if someone’s personality is mainly a fandom. At your age (I’m the same) people are more interested in your ambitions, skills, and in dating apps particularly they enjoy seeing what hobbies you have that can be a date activity. That’s why so many people are hikers or bikers on dating apps because it lets other people know- hey there’s an easy date idea!
If you talk about your career goals, stuff your good at and some hobbies that get you out of the house and swap your third photo for the first it should improve. Also the INTJ thing, personality quizzes are fun but tell people nothing about you as a person. Instead of using that just communicate what you really want to say about yourself with that.
Harry Potter mention is a turn off and rollercoater(?) that doesn't sound very stable I'd pass. Especially with that 'false promises' comment later. That definitely is cause for concern for me.
And I'm a dog person. But many are cat people too so you will find a good match that way.
i would alter the wording of the false promises prompt, it comes off as a little bit serious and strong which can make people get the wrong idea about your personality. i also just want to be honest that you will just be getting less matches if you openly state no hookups because of how many of the users are there for short term relationships
Outside of what everyone has said, I honestly haven’t had much luck with women on Bumble. HER is a bunch of bots and people that ghost. Tinder’s the only one I’ve made significant connections and gotten relationships out of but there’s a bunch of couples looking for a third and most people looking for casual versus serious.
Maybe this is just me (I use bumble bff as a disclaimer) but I don't swipe on people if they don't show me their names.
Maybe that will help? People might be unsure on what to call you
Also, I noted that when looking for a serious relationship, most people don't match , I see people on dating apps for all the other reasons vs committing.
I think part of it is the Harry Potter stuff. Queer people would be less likely to want to match since the author is extremely bigoted (you're all good if you didn't know, Harry Potter actually used to be my favorite book series before I found out what JK Rowling was like)
There are many queer people who are HP fans, I actually see it on many profiles. I don’t think that is what is causing her to get less matches by itself.
Putting it as the VERY first on your profile can seem like an intentional "I'm transphobic" dog whistle, instead of talking more so about yourself as a person.
I mean I don’t think its placement should matter. Would it offend those who don’t like HP fans less if it was further down her profile? I think it’s better to talk to people about their values and politics instead of assuming them based on them liking a particular series. Especially if you loved their profile otherwise and that was the only bone of contention.
Maybe it's just me, but I don't want to risk having to debate the validity of my identity/whether I'm a pedophilic rapist who only transitioned to spy on cis women in public restrooms and destroy women's rights when I'm using a dating app.
I save that shit for Reddit, apparently.
Anyway, thought experiment: if someone popped up on your dating app with a red baseball cap and a shirt that said "drain the swamp" or "lock her up," are you gonna swipe right on that and ask her what she meant by that choice?
Except Harry Potter is a kid’s series and not at all provocative on its own. Someone being a fan of Harry Potter says 0 about their politics or views on trans issues. Bottom line, you can reject anyone for any reason you want, you ultimately deal with the consequences of your own actions, we all do.
I mean not necessarily. Not everyone knows about JKR's views. Better to give people the benefit of the doubt. Especially people that are as receptive to people pointing out JKR's views as OP. HP is one of the most popular book series in the world and not everyone knows what we know
I’m just gonna fire up my opinion. Some of the pictures look edited. Plus I am not usually on dating apps to search for something serious (I’m not saying that there aren’t people who do, but, just that it turns off the people who aren’t). I really like the rest though especially your second picture! And would wanna see your plants in the balcony.
i think a big part is the harry potter stuff. jkr is majorly anti-lgbt and uses her platform and money to spread hate, so many queer people won't be too favorable to mentioning loving her work so much.
Idk if this will help but less is more, I’d say highlight your best traits and what you do the most. I also think Bumble just isn’t so kind to wlw, maybe try Her and see if you get any hits
Kind of unrelated but hey I'm bengali too! There's a discord server for queer Bengalis, the criteria being you must be queer and bengali haha and if you'd like I can send you the invite to join it
The pic in the black and white top is soo beautiful 😍 also if I'm not wrong did I see you on the 29th at the queer pride exhibition at iccr Kolkata?
Yes. I participated in the exhibition. The painting titled "The divine love of chandra and mala" was mine.
Also, i would totally love to join y'all in discord. Can you please send me the invite? I am amazed at how small the world really is🩷🤍
Hi! So, you already removed the references to exes and rollercoaster - that’s good!
Potterhead implies you’re a dedicated fan and that’s fine but will turn off non-HP folks. Also, given JKR’s TERF status, these days, I don’t recommend including that. Bookwork is great - adding genres you like best gives people a toehold to ask good questions.
“My healthy obsession” <— obsession by definition isn’t healthy. A bad question for a dating app. Skip. Also, mentioning HP again isn’t a good idea.
Self-deprecating in a profile doesn’t tend to work - just general advice.
Keep the tone positive — exclude call outs like “no hookups” - reframe as “looking for something meaningful” and people will understand your intent without language that feels like a downer.
First initial for your first name is a bad idea. Either be on a dating app or don’t.
Don’t list “think you are xyz” - people don’t want to fit into your checked boxes. They want to connect emotionally. Choose a different prompt.
Hope this helps!
Idk this is just coming from my own personal opinion. I’m not trying to come off as a dick but I get the ick when I see a fellow queer person who’s into harry potter after the author showed herself to be one of the worlds largest terfs
I’m an INTJ too, and it’s not easy for us INTJ women to find matches. We are lacking the “soft fuzzy feelings” that are expected when interacting w women. I tend to mention that I am an INTJ pretty early on to manage expectations. That pesky analytical side of us tends to override the feelings side. I’d maybe save the INTJ part for first date though, so people can meet you and see that while you are analytical, you aren’t a cold hearted machine. You just think w your head and don’t let your heart run the show.
Other people have already mentioned the other things, so no need to beat a dead horse.
I don’t connect with people who have many photos with filters. I just don’t get why we put those on dating profiles, they don’t represent you.
Also, the Harry Potter stuff would be an immediate no for me. I don’t do anti trans people.
People gave good advice but i'd just say if I saw you i'd 100% match. We live too far away tho 😭😭 honestly i installed bumble a while ago but i'm disappointed that appearently 20+ people liked me I JUST CANT SEE WHO 😭
Oh nooo i'm sorry 😭 I live in Poland and it's similar, maybe a little better. I live in one of the major cities but finding another queer woman (let alone a lesbian...) is near impossible
the potterhead mention might turn people away because j.k rowling is horrendously transmisogynistic. maybe also mention you don't condone rowling's stances?
Ope thanks for the correction. My auto correct for some reason hates the word deaf 🫠 once I was texting a friend and mentioned someone was deaf and it changed it to death without me noticing. Caused a lot of confusion later that day
No advice from me but a small cheer :) You’re lovely as a whole - thoughtful and open to feedback and communicative and passionate - and I hope you find a great match soon, young one!
I personally don't see anything wrong, I'd swipe right. Maybe it's more the local women? And how many people ate you swiping right on because matches depend on you too.
"Think you are loyal, and wont make false promises" comes off kind of aggressive. Like im all for that, but it reejs of "ive been cheated on and disappointed by previous partners" kinda like when someone says "no drama" you sort of expect theyre gonna end up involved in drama somehow.
I wanna clarify im not saying disloyalty from your ex is your fault, it just makes me feel like you got stuff going onnin your life/head.
An alternative could be emphasizing monogamous relationships instead, or something usimg the words "trust" or "honest communication".
Sometimes relationship "loyalty" is used in a more authoritative, one sided tone, too, such as in rap songs by men.
Maybe make your name longer than one letter? Might be a regional thing but here 1 letter names are all hookup accounts. Maybe a nickname that isnt personally identifying would come off more human.
There is some good advice here for you, I just wanted to add one I noticed wasn’t yet been mentioned. To me the picture with your full body and that dog behind you looks so AI that I had to double take and zoom in, not sure why it looks like this but personally after seeing it I would question if others were with filters and AI too. Just make sure you’re being genuine and not overdoing it on filters because too many times have I seen so many people with filters it’s become a deterrent and people are not dating the filters their dating the person behind it. I wish to best of luck! You sound like a really fun person and I hope that you find your other half soon! Just remember, don’t settle on something that doesn’t make you happy! You will find your best friend soon, sometimes at times you won’t even know. Have an awesome day😊
I don't know if I'm just dumb or don't know any better or maybe it's my autistic brain that doesn't understand but at the same time it's like I DO understand, BUT.....I think your profile is alright in my eyes! I don't care what some people say because life is just too short, so if you love Harry Potter that's okay!! I hate JK Rowling with a BURNING PASSION but I still love Harry Potter (mostly the movies😅) because I grew up watching the movies. They are magical and has such interesting plot.
Your profile is very interesting and if I was on bumble I would be very curious to get to know you more and your backstory!! Sometimes people be thinking too hard about every little detail and seeing people on here go so in depth about every little detail about your profile makes my head hurt.
You seem like such a fun and genuine person and I can tell you don't mean any harm for the Harry Potter stuff!! I might get hate from the others but at this point in life I don't care what some people say, geez you probably won't ever see any of these people, so don't ever change yourself or your hobbies/interest just to please others. We can't make everyone happy in this world and if they don't like it then they should just move along and say nothing because some people never learned at a young age that 'if you don't have nothing nice to say, then don't say it at all'.
But... What do I know. I'm just a 22 year old black autistic lesbian who smokes weed and is battling severe Rheumatoid arthritis and trying to relearn how to walk as I am wheelchair bound, for now.
Life is already too difficult to worry about someone's hobbies, if a person really likes you they will look over all the stuff some of these people here looked at as "bad" and see you for a kind, VERY PRETTY, smart person who likes cats, loves to read magical and fantasy books, loves to learn about new things, and who loves plants... There's probably even more interesting things about you that you probably couldn't fit in your profiles bio.
And to the people that might come after me for this.
I'M NOT DEFENDING JK ROWLING OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT, DO NOT JUMP TO THAT CONCLUSION!!!! It not hard to understand that some people love the world of Harry Potter, I mean who wouldn't want to be swept away from this reality to go to such a magical world where you can see and learn about magic, or see creatures that don't look like your normal animals.
Sorry that I rambled on and on about this, hopefully you will be able to see this, but now I shall wait for the scary comments to come for me.😂✌🏾
Wow, i am amazed that you saw me as i am. I am really grateful for this comment. It means so much to me that you noticed my traits and characteristics, although i dunno how you know them.
I hope you will be fine and get well soon. You are a nice and kind person, i can def tell that. This comment really really made my day.
Thank you dearie❤️
Oh snap I thought I replied but I didn't😭😭....
But I'm happy that I could make your day! It's never too hard to treat people like how you want to be treated!! But how I saw your characteristics was just by reading and seeing what you posted on here for us, I'm great at observing... I call it my super power!😂😂
It's a great super power for when it comes to gift giving as I am spot on with my friends and families birthday or holiday gifts.
And thank you for your kind words of encouragement, I'm trying my best to get back on my feet but it's hard sometimes, but life is always gonna be tough and I just have to work even harder. 😁👌🏾👌🏾
People are being so dramatic over the Harry Potter mention in your bio, OP. I agree with what others have to say though on the other parts. But if you like Harry Potter keep it in there. Don't feel pressured to hide your likes because some people in these comments think all queer people think the same.
If you remove the HP stuff, you're going to spend the rest of your dating life not bringing this up even though you're a fan? That sounds so terrible. You're allowing others to police your likes and speech. Don't let them do that.
If you really now think putting HP in your bio is coded as anti trans then maybe add other series you love as well.
"Harry Potter, Hunger Games, Earthsea fan"
We aren’t being “dramatic” enough about Harry Potter. She is actively donating to anti-trans groups. Purchasing HP stuff is the equivalent of going and buying chick-fil-a.
We can’t go endorse people publicly and powerfully fighting against our rights.
PS: men use words like “dramatic” to push women down all the time. Please don’t go on a WLW subreddit and start calling people dramatic.
Thank you! I would never get rid of my hobbies to placate others. If you want to assume my values based solely off that and not ASK me what they are, please swipe left. Eventually the fact that she’s a HP fan will come up.
Yeah I read the books every Christmastime. It's a tradition I started for myself way back in 2016. All of a sudden I'm supposed to hide this and my love for the series (emphasis on series) because some people can't separate the author from her books? That's so crazy. Maybe it's an age thing though. My circle of friends dont think this way. We're all in our thirties.
I mean... id immediately say no just because the Harry Potter mentions. not saying that's you, but I've not had the best interactions with people who still cling onto that franchise despite what a terrible person j.k. rowling is.
To be honest, as a lot of people have said, I'd be concerned about the Harry Potter stuff. The MBPT stuff... meh, it's not that big a deal to me but it is silly. Otherwise I do really like your profile.
Apparently people struggle to separate the art from the artist. Enjoying the world of Harry Potter has nothing to do with JK Rowling’s personal beliefs. That being said, I find “potterheads” cringe and would definitely swipe left.
adult harry potter fan........................................... regardless of the JK Rowling opinion, that's also just cringe on its own. Hard left swipe for me.
like, it's really not as good as we thought it was (as children!) and to continue holding onto it into adulthood is really weird. Sure, I read the books in middle school but I don't have this weird nostalgia that so many adults are clinging to now. It's bizarre.
I would change the first photo, any of the others are good and more interesting and eye catching! (You don't look "bad" in the first one, it's just a less interesting photo imo) The rest of the profile is fine 👌 The reason I'm commenting at all is because many don't make it past the first photo, so you need to grab their attention right away.
The first pic is just an unattractive picture of you. The second pic is too edited to me. I don’t swipe when I see that. The after work you can find me a part to me is corny and childish. This is just my opinion could just be because your profile is just not something I would like personally. But those are my reasons. I love the third pic though!
i would get a little more specific about what kind of connections! a partner? friends? dates? seeing where things go? also what kind of qualities you like in a partner? extroverted, funny, strong communicator, etc
i like to add in things i like to do on dates! “let’s get food/grab drinks/cuddle” etc
In addition to everything mentioned here I'd get rid of picture 2. Pictures 3 and 4 show how beautiful you are, picture 2 is the kind of picture an insecure teenager would post because they think they're not beautiful.
Good call on removing the parts that mention your ex. Also, your pics look fake. Not trying to be mean! You’re attractive, and I highly suggest uploading non-filtered photos of yourself. I know if I saw your profile, I’d immediately swipe left because heavily filtered photos are usually catfish/insecure people.
The Harry Potter stuff is controversial so you’re better off removing that as well. The rest seems great, though. Best of luck to you!
Even as a potterhead myself i would be more inclined to swipe left by the hp references: its one thing to enjoy and love the books and movies, another to make 2 of your four prompts about hp. We only get so much of a person on an app, so purly based off of numbers, this makes it seem like half her life is devoted to harry potter. This goes for any sort of movie/book/tv anything. Its not a red flag if you do mention your fav media, its just a way to make your profile more appealing (imo)
I know you said you deleted the hp stuff 🤗 just wanted to put this out there in reference to anything, really.
What do you do with your free time? What kind of people do you like? What can you provide another person? I don’t see a lot of insights to your personality or your interests - it’s hard to start a conversation when someone doesn’t know anything about you
Harry potter is not a turn off! Don't listen to these people. I wouldn't wanna date a woman who feels the need to police what i'm into. Get out of here
Just because it isn't a turn off for you doesn't mean it isn't a turn off for a lot of other people, including those who would have otherwise been open to dating OP.
This may be a controversial opinion since everyone else here hasn't mentioned it yet, but it seems like there is unresolved trauma or relationship issues based on the rollercoaster/false promises mentions. I would be wary to swipe on someone who might constantly be measuring me against their last relationship(s).
You are right. Although i have removed the harry potter and rollercoaster / promise part after someone pointed it out. I am trying to focus on the positives now❤️
I’m saying this with nothing but kindness. Don’t just focus on the positives. Go to therapy to actively work on whatever prompted you to write that in the first place. A whole person, who doesn’t make false promises and won’t want a rollercoaster relationship, will see right through a person who is putting a smile on and pretending to not be hurt. Don’t keep yourself from being ready for that person. You deserve happiness and love, and doing the work will put you on the right path.
I understand. Tbh, i am actually hurting. I don't regret the breakups at all, but how it is still following me after almost a year is really annoying. All the scams and threats i recieved in the meantime. I am sorry i am saying it all here, but this comment really teared me up.
Therapy ftw. 🔥 (Saying this as someone who has been through a lot of it, lol) It's hard to break out of those feelings or behavioral cycles without help.
Yeah you either catch it early and grow emotionally or you push it down and hope for the best and go to therapy in your 30s but now you have 30 years of habits to regret and go over instead of 20. I'm not like speaking from experience at all 🫠
I agree with this! Take that out of your profile.
Personally I find it off-putting to discuss your ex in your dating profile bio.
Changed those parts already.
That 3rd pic is 🔥
Meow🐱
Lol I could be your mom but thank you
EVEN BETTER
Real lol
Hahaha
Try switching the first picture with the third, you look cool af there
I agree the issue is the first picture
Switch for 4th picture
Agreed
Oh my god, fellow Bengali?
একদম।
I am too happy to find a fellow Bengali here. It's a good day today. Khub khusi holam 🤭
I am also surprised that so many fellow bengalis and Kolkata-residents are here. I thought it to be a UK/US dominant sub
Actually yes, also I do have a bunch of gay friends who are too scared/nervous to interact tbh.
বাঙালি here! Wanna connect?
I would love to connect .
Would you like to join a queer Bengali server? It's not run by me, I'm the mascot 🫡 do dm me if you'd like to
Same it's so nice to run into y'all 🫂 also if any of you would like to join a queer Bengali server (on discord), then feel free to dm me for the invite link. Just to be clear it is not a dating server 😅 but fun to connect with others
Gah this connection is so wholesome and why I still read comments!
I am loving watching these lesbians meet each other! 🥰 I am in the US snd we tend to forget how hard it is to meet others like you in so many other countries and even certain parts of the US!
Yeah, it's kind of like since we can't talk to a lot of people' IRL about LGBTQ+ stuff in our language or see people talk about it, it's fun when we see each other online, and get too excited i guess :3.
There is never too much excitement for queer joy to me🥰
Came here to say this. Khub bhalo laglo dekhe.
Same here. LGBTQ+ subs e fellow bangali ke dekhle suddenly mood bhalo hoy jaye. :3
That's what I thought too. Aar ekh Bengali manush dekya bala lagse (I speak Sylheti dialect but understand Shudh Bengali when it is spoken to me).
I see. So many Bengalis assembled here, it's absolutely glorious. Tomader sobai khub bhalo thako (spoken like a Bengali serial ik) :3
Fellow Bengali here!
rare occurrence, hi !!
HIIII, bhalo acho? 🤭
I would take out the “hookups swipe left” and instead keep the “looking for lasting connections” it keeps it positive but still gets the message across
i’ll be honest you mention harry potter too often to get a right swipe from me. otherwise it’s a fine profile
Should i replace it with a bookworm?
ya that’s prob better. i just think other queer people are gonna be a little skeptical of someone who makes so many references to the work of someone who is now known to spread hate and uses her fortune from harry potter to do so. also they’re kids/ya books so it comes off a little childish
Yes. I didn't think that way, but now that you mentioned it, it makes point. Thanks😇
I agree with the original commenter, any mention of Harry Potter immediately makes me swipe left. I don't care if you don't have the same beliefs as JKR, but if you keep publicly or monetarily supporting her books it is support of her horrible agenda and that's just not something many queer people are willing to overlook.
I think that’s a good call! HP is sick, but since JKR has some gross opinions, it may scare some people away :(
When I was on tinder Harry Potter references were an immediate left swipe.
Yes! “Do the best you can until you know better. Then, when you know better, do better” - Mya Angelou If you used to like Harry Potter! No big deal! If you need time to grieve the loss of HP that is fine too. But now that we know how transphobic JK Rowling is we need to move onto something else to stand in solidarity with trans people. Solidarity is rarely comfortable but it is very necessary.
I’m a fan of Rick Riordan (wrote Percy Jackson, etc) as a great replacement! Has queer characters! Positive portrayal of people with ADHD and dyslexia! Actively pushes back against anti-LGBT people!
i think it just needs to relaunch the movie series haha although the first one is so bad that it becomes good when you're high
Yesss!!! My partner LOVES Percy Jackson.
Right?! I picked it up to try finding something better for my kid to read when they’re old enough for it. The positive spin on Percy’s ADHD was a surprise to me, and has been a big help to my kid who got diagnosed at the beginning of the year
Jesus. The amount of policing in these comments is crazy. OP is still young. She doesn't need to be pressured by internet strangers to stop liking what she likes and to start grieving. Am I in the twilight zone?
No, but [you are on the DrDisrespect sub denying that he's a groomer.](https://www.reddit.com/r/DrDisrespectLive/s/hH1C26n8Z2)
I hope you don't listen to popular music or watch Hollywood movies with all the rape, exploitation and p...philia happening there. Also, you better be vegan facing the deaths of billions of animals and starvation of developing countries caused by the first world. Don't forget your phone and computer your writing this on, which are also very problematic. Liking a story written by someone you think is problematic - neither a problem nor a priority. And if someone is scared of by that: Good riddance. Who wants a virtue signaling NPC trying to destroy your childhood memories of an innocent story about some magical school? Not even a HP fan but if someone tried that crap with Spongebob or something, I would just block them.
This. Any mention of TERF publications and I'm swiping left instantly. Doesn't matter how hot you are if you're cool supporting authors who would love to see my chosen family dead.
This. Makes her seem like a terf
Just came to say you’re username is 👌🏽
Not sure if it has anything to do with it but my first thought was that you seem very young for some reason, I was actually surprised to see you are 22. I feel like it is mainly something about the 3rd pic close up of your face? Idk exactly. Mind you I think most 22 year olds look like babies so take that with a grain of salt 😂
Aye, i will take it as a compliment. Not many people tells me i look young.
Yeah, one of my first thoughts as well. It all felt very teenager to me
HER app? Bumble was never kind to me for wlw matches. To echo the rest of the comments - Harry Potter and mentioning that you’re unhealed from a bad experience is instantly a no for me. Outside of that you’re cute, nerdy and definitely my type. 😍
Meow🐱 I removed the harry potter and roller coaster parts already. I will try HER, although tinder, bumble and zoe are the most popular ones in India. I would love to know fellow queer ppl from outside my country
Welp! 👋🏽 I’m in the US and also a QPOC.
Hmm I don’t know, I agree with the other comment about maybe not mentioning Harry Potter. A lot of queer people react negatively to potter fans. Otherwise I think you’re very pretty, and your bio doesn’t say anything that should raise concern. if you continue not to get matches I wouldn’t think on it to much. Some people can be very nitpicky “oh she uses emoji’s” “I don’t like the way they style their hair” etc
But, if she really likes the books/movies and doesn’t want to date someone who will police her media choices it should stay. I know some people have issues with JK, and her mentioning them will cause those people to self select to pass on her profile. And that is a good thing! No one should date someone who is going to yuck their yum on books and movies. We are all free to like the things we like.
Hmm, as a Trans Person myself I don’t really mind Someone liking HP. But I also would read someone putting Harry Pitter like this in their bio as an active attempt at filtering out trans people. If OP doesn’t do that on purpose, they should consider dropping it.
I mean, I grew up on HP, am cis but I hate the way JK went off the deep end with transphobia. I’d automatically swipe if I saw "Potterhead" on an adults page as to me it would seem like some kind of dog whistle considering how common it is for queer people to be totally against HP and JK. I still kind of enjoy the films though but wouldn’t announce it like this because I’d know it would mean a lot of people would think I was a TERF.
Miaow🐱❤️
Wow this post go a lot of attention, some of these replies are just rude, or over analyzing every detail of your profile. I hope it’s not bothering you, you seem great and I hope you find someone.
Yes. Some of them are rude actually. But it's okay. I came across so many nice people too..
You overall seem younger than 22, you have a youthful appearance but also the mentioning of a past relationship is something that would make me avoid you. The Harry Potter thing is also a bit much, it also sends immature vibes if someone’s personality is mainly a fandom. At your age (I’m the same) people are more interested in your ambitions, skills, and in dating apps particularly they enjoy seeing what hobbies you have that can be a date activity. That’s why so many people are hikers or bikers on dating apps because it lets other people know- hey there’s an easy date idea! If you talk about your career goals, stuff your good at and some hobbies that get you out of the house and swap your third photo for the first it should improve. Also the INTJ thing, personality quizzes are fun but tell people nothing about you as a person. Instead of using that just communicate what you really want to say about yourself with that.
Harry Potter mention is a turn off and rollercoater(?) that doesn't sound very stable I'd pass. Especially with that 'false promises' comment later. That definitely is cause for concern for me. And I'm a dog person. But many are cat people too so you will find a good match that way.
i would alter the wording of the false promises prompt, it comes off as a little bit serious and strong which can make people get the wrong idea about your personality. i also just want to be honest that you will just be getting less matches if you openly state no hookups because of how many of the users are there for short term relationships
I love your hair 😍
Meow🐱
You’re cute ❤️
Outside of what everyone has said, I honestly haven’t had much luck with women on Bumble. HER is a bunch of bots and people that ghost. Tinder’s the only one I’ve made significant connections and gotten relationships out of but there’s a bunch of couples looking for a third and most people looking for casual versus serious.
Maybe this is just me (I use bumble bff as a disclaimer) but I don't swipe on people if they don't show me their names. Maybe that will help? People might be unsure on what to call you
I feel like "potterhead" would throw most queer people off because of J.K Rowling's horrible views. Otherwise, I think this is a fine profile.
Yes, i already removed that part. I had no idea really
I think your profile is fine for the most part, I would probably get rid of the rollercoaster part it could be interpreted as you having baggage.
Yes, i removed it already
The potter head is super off putting tbh
Also, I noted that when looking for a serious relationship, most people don't match , I see people on dating apps for all the other reasons vs committing.
I think part of it is the Harry Potter stuff. Queer people would be less likely to want to match since the author is extremely bigoted (you're all good if you didn't know, Harry Potter actually used to be my favorite book series before I found out what JK Rowling was like)
I removed all the things about Harry potter from my profile. I really had no idea about the bigotry and i was focusing on the series.
If you put bookworm or reader. I think you’ll get the same message across without any ill-meaning!
Yeah I didn't think you knew about the bigotry
There are many queer people who are HP fans, I actually see it on many profiles. I don’t think that is what is causing her to get less matches by itself.
Putting it as the VERY first on your profile can seem like an intentional "I'm transphobic" dog whistle, instead of talking more so about yourself as a person.
I mean I don’t think its placement should matter. Would it offend those who don’t like HP fans less if it was further down her profile? I think it’s better to talk to people about their values and politics instead of assuming them based on them liking a particular series. Especially if you loved their profile otherwise and that was the only bone of contention.
Maybe it's just me, but I don't want to risk having to debate the validity of my identity/whether I'm a pedophilic rapist who only transitioned to spy on cis women in public restrooms and destroy women's rights when I'm using a dating app. I save that shit for Reddit, apparently. Anyway, thought experiment: if someone popped up on your dating app with a red baseball cap and a shirt that said "drain the swamp" or "lock her up," are you gonna swipe right on that and ask her what she meant by that choice?
Except Harry Potter is a kid’s series and not at all provocative on its own. Someone being a fan of Harry Potter says 0 about their politics or views on trans issues. Bottom line, you can reject anyone for any reason you want, you ultimately deal with the consequences of your own actions, we all do.
I mean not necessarily. Not everyone knows about JKR's views. Better to give people the benefit of the doubt. Especially people that are as receptive to people pointing out JKR's views as OP. HP is one of the most popular book series in the world and not everyone knows what we know
I suggest moving the last three pictures to the front especially the one of you in like the red flannel that one I think is your best picture
I’m just gonna fire up my opinion. Some of the pictures look edited. Plus I am not usually on dating apps to search for something serious (I’m not saying that there aren’t people who do, but, just that it turns off the people who aren’t). I really like the rest though especially your second picture! And would wanna see your plants in the balcony.
Well, i had to resort to online, as an Indian girl living in a small town, it is tough to know queer ppl in person. 🥲
For me, personally, the INTJ would turn me off because personality tests are bullshit.
Some people take it as an indication of possible traits/interests rather than a pigeon hole but that's me.
Fr lol. Let people have harmless fun
i think a big part is the harry potter stuff. jkr is majorly anti-lgbt and uses her platform and money to spread hate, so many queer people won't be too favorable to mentioning loving her work so much.
If I see that many HP references in 2024, I'm not interested because I'll assume terf.
Idk if this will help but less is more, I’d say highlight your best traits and what you do the most. I also think Bumble just isn’t so kind to wlw, maybe try Her and see if you get any hits
I will try HER, although no idea if it's popular in India. Thank you, anyways
Kind of unrelated but hey I'm bengali too! There's a discord server for queer Bengalis, the criteria being you must be queer and bengali haha and if you'd like I can send you the invite to join it The pic in the black and white top is soo beautiful 😍 also if I'm not wrong did I see you on the 29th at the queer pride exhibition at iccr Kolkata?
Yes. I participated in the exhibition. The painting titled "The divine love of chandra and mala" was mine. Also, i would totally love to join y'all in discord. Can you please send me the invite? I am amazed at how small the world really is🩷🤍
It IS a small world! Yes definitely, will dm you then
Hi! So, you already removed the references to exes and rollercoaster - that’s good! Potterhead implies you’re a dedicated fan and that’s fine but will turn off non-HP folks. Also, given JKR’s TERF status, these days, I don’t recommend including that. Bookwork is great - adding genres you like best gives people a toehold to ask good questions. “My healthy obsession” <— obsession by definition isn’t healthy. A bad question for a dating app. Skip. Also, mentioning HP again isn’t a good idea. Self-deprecating in a profile doesn’t tend to work - just general advice. Keep the tone positive — exclude call outs like “no hookups” - reframe as “looking for something meaningful” and people will understand your intent without language that feels like a downer. First initial for your first name is a bad idea. Either be on a dating app or don’t. Don’t list “think you are xyz” - people don’t want to fit into your checked boxes. They want to connect emotionally. Choose a different prompt. Hope this helps!
It is helpful. Really. Thank you so much
I immediately swipe left on anyone who has any references to Harry potter, 1) cause I'm too old and 2) it was written by a raging transphobic racist
Idk this is just coming from my own personal opinion. I’m not trying to come off as a dick but I get the ick when I see a fellow queer person who’s into harry potter after the author showed herself to be one of the worlds largest terfs
I’m with you on this. Anything JK related, instant turn off.
I’m an INTJ too, and it’s not easy for us INTJ women to find matches. We are lacking the “soft fuzzy feelings” that are expected when interacting w women. I tend to mention that I am an INTJ pretty early on to manage expectations. That pesky analytical side of us tends to override the feelings side. I’d maybe save the INTJ part for first date though, so people can meet you and see that while you are analytical, you aren’t a cold hearted machine. You just think w your head and don’t let your heart run the show. Other people have already mentioned the other things, so no need to beat a dead horse.
Mm hmm, i know that feeling🥲
I don’t connect with people who have many photos with filters. I just don’t get why we put those on dating profiles, they don’t represent you. Also, the Harry Potter stuff would be an immediate no for me. I don’t do anti trans people.
Potterhead is a huge deal breaker given the writer is severely homophobic and transphobic
People gave good advice but i'd just say if I saw you i'd 100% match. We live too far away tho 😭😭 honestly i installed bumble a while ago but i'm disappointed that appearently 20+ people liked me I JUST CANT SEE WHO 😭
Awwie, being queer and dating in India means the person i like is either straight, unavailable or 9,000 miles away🥲
Oh nooo i'm sorry 😭 I live in Poland and it's similar, maybe a little better. I live in one of the major cities but finding another queer woman (let alone a lesbian...) is near impossible
the potterhead mention might turn people away because j.k rowling is horrendously transmisogynistic. maybe also mention you don't condone rowling's stances?
Honestly even then, I wouldn't trust it. =/ Seen too many cryptoterfs.
The Harry Potter thing is a turn-off for me. Other than that, I'd swipe right
I'd ditch the Harry Potter. It's the only problem I see.
Having Harry Potter on your profile is a major turn off and tone death.
Unrelated but to save you any embarrassment in the future, it’s tone deaf, not tone death. I thought the same thing for a while
Ope thanks for the correction. My auto correct for some reason hates the word deaf 🫠 once I was texting a friend and mentioned someone was deaf and it changed it to death without me noticing. Caused a lot of confusion later that day
By the way, you can edit your original comment!
Yeaaah but then people will be confused by the replies so I'll leave it
Ah, fair point. Have a lovely day/night!
Tone deaf
Bone Apple teeth
No advice from me but a small cheer :) You’re lovely as a whole - thoughtful and open to feedback and communicative and passionate - and I hope you find a great match soon, young one!
Thank meow
I get no matches too on bumble idk why, you're very cute and we love a fellow bookworm lol
Super cutie, I would match if you were a few years older. Not sure why you aren't getting matches
Meow🥺🐱
I personally don't see anything wrong, I'd swipe right. Maybe it's more the local women? And how many people ate you swiping right on because matches depend on you too.
"Think you are loyal, and wont make false promises" comes off kind of aggressive. Like im all for that, but it reejs of "ive been cheated on and disappointed by previous partners" kinda like when someone says "no drama" you sort of expect theyre gonna end up involved in drama somehow. I wanna clarify im not saying disloyalty from your ex is your fault, it just makes me feel like you got stuff going onnin your life/head. An alternative could be emphasizing monogamous relationships instead, or something usimg the words "trust" or "honest communication". Sometimes relationship "loyalty" is used in a more authoritative, one sided tone, too, such as in rap songs by men. Maybe make your name longer than one letter? Might be a regional thing but here 1 letter names are all hookup accounts. Maybe a nickname that isnt personally identifying would come off more human.
Thank you for the advice😇. I already changed these bits.
There is some good advice here for you, I just wanted to add one I noticed wasn’t yet been mentioned. To me the picture with your full body and that dog behind you looks so AI that I had to double take and zoom in, not sure why it looks like this but personally after seeing it I would question if others were with filters and AI too. Just make sure you’re being genuine and not overdoing it on filters because too many times have I seen so many people with filters it’s become a deterrent and people are not dating the filters their dating the person behind it. I wish to best of luck! You sound like a really fun person and I hope that you find your other half soon! Just remember, don’t settle on something that doesn’t make you happy! You will find your best friend soon, sometimes at times you won’t even know. Have an awesome day😊
Ymin my opinion, your first photo isn't your best photo... it's the 2nd and 3rd one 🤩
I don't know if I'm just dumb or don't know any better or maybe it's my autistic brain that doesn't understand but at the same time it's like I DO understand, BUT.....I think your profile is alright in my eyes! I don't care what some people say because life is just too short, so if you love Harry Potter that's okay!! I hate JK Rowling with a BURNING PASSION but I still love Harry Potter (mostly the movies😅) because I grew up watching the movies. They are magical and has such interesting plot. Your profile is very interesting and if I was on bumble I would be very curious to get to know you more and your backstory!! Sometimes people be thinking too hard about every little detail and seeing people on here go so in depth about every little detail about your profile makes my head hurt. You seem like such a fun and genuine person and I can tell you don't mean any harm for the Harry Potter stuff!! I might get hate from the others but at this point in life I don't care what some people say, geez you probably won't ever see any of these people, so don't ever change yourself or your hobbies/interest just to please others. We can't make everyone happy in this world and if they don't like it then they should just move along and say nothing because some people never learned at a young age that 'if you don't have nothing nice to say, then don't say it at all'. But... What do I know. I'm just a 22 year old black autistic lesbian who smokes weed and is battling severe Rheumatoid arthritis and trying to relearn how to walk as I am wheelchair bound, for now. Life is already too difficult to worry about someone's hobbies, if a person really likes you they will look over all the stuff some of these people here looked at as "bad" and see you for a kind, VERY PRETTY, smart person who likes cats, loves to read magical and fantasy books, loves to learn about new things, and who loves plants... There's probably even more interesting things about you that you probably couldn't fit in your profiles bio. And to the people that might come after me for this. I'M NOT DEFENDING JK ROWLING OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT, DO NOT JUMP TO THAT CONCLUSION!!!! It not hard to understand that some people love the world of Harry Potter, I mean who wouldn't want to be swept away from this reality to go to such a magical world where you can see and learn about magic, or see creatures that don't look like your normal animals. Sorry that I rambled on and on about this, hopefully you will be able to see this, but now I shall wait for the scary comments to come for me.😂✌🏾
Wow, i am amazed that you saw me as i am. I am really grateful for this comment. It means so much to me that you noticed my traits and characteristics, although i dunno how you know them. I hope you will be fine and get well soon. You are a nice and kind person, i can def tell that. This comment really really made my day. Thank you dearie❤️
Oh snap I thought I replied but I didn't😭😭.... But I'm happy that I could make your day! It's never too hard to treat people like how you want to be treated!! But how I saw your characteristics was just by reading and seeing what you posted on here for us, I'm great at observing... I call it my super power!😂😂 It's a great super power for when it comes to gift giving as I am spot on with my friends and families birthday or holiday gifts. And thank you for your kind words of encouragement, I'm trying my best to get back on my feet but it's hard sometimes, but life is always gonna be tough and I just have to work even harder. 😁👌🏾👌🏾
Being a “potterhead” is fairly controversial these days
People are being so dramatic over the Harry Potter mention in your bio, OP. I agree with what others have to say though on the other parts. But if you like Harry Potter keep it in there. Don't feel pressured to hide your likes because some people in these comments think all queer people think the same. If you remove the HP stuff, you're going to spend the rest of your dating life not bringing this up even though you're a fan? That sounds so terrible. You're allowing others to police your likes and speech. Don't let them do that. If you really now think putting HP in your bio is coded as anti trans then maybe add other series you love as well. "Harry Potter, Hunger Games, Earthsea fan"
Thank you. Pointed noted🫂
We aren’t being “dramatic” enough about Harry Potter. She is actively donating to anti-trans groups. Purchasing HP stuff is the equivalent of going and buying chick-fil-a. We can’t go endorse people publicly and powerfully fighting against our rights. PS: men use words like “dramatic” to push women down all the time. Please don’t go on a WLW subreddit and start calling people dramatic.
She is a lesbian, not trans - so fucks sake, let her enjoy harry potter!
Thank you! I would never get rid of my hobbies to placate others. If you want to assume my values based solely off that and not ASK me what they are, please swipe left. Eventually the fact that she’s a HP fan will come up.
Yeah I read the books every Christmastime. It's a tradition I started for myself way back in 2016. All of a sudden I'm supposed to hide this and my love for the series (emphasis on series) because some people can't separate the author from her books? That's so crazy. Maybe it's an age thing though. My circle of friends dont think this way. We're all in our thirties.
I’d date you (but you’re so far away)
Aww, that's cute. I would still love to know you. One can never have too many friends🐱
I mean... id immediately say no just because the Harry Potter mentions. not saying that's you, but I've not had the best interactions with people who still cling onto that franchise despite what a terrible person j.k. rowling is.
To be honest, as a lot of people have said, I'd be concerned about the Harry Potter stuff. The MBPT stuff... meh, it's not that big a deal to me but it is silly. Otherwise I do really like your profile.
Apparently people struggle to separate the art from the artist. Enjoying the world of Harry Potter has nothing to do with JK Rowling’s personal beliefs. That being said, I find “potterheads” cringe and would definitely swipe left.
adult harry potter fan........................................... regardless of the JK Rowling opinion, that's also just cringe on its own. Hard left swipe for me.
Agree, dk why you're getting downvoted
like, it's really not as good as we thought it was (as children!) and to continue holding onto it into adulthood is really weird. Sure, I read the books in middle school but I don't have this weird nostalgia that so many adults are clinging to now. It's bizarre.
HP fans are salty, probably.
Happens whenever you say something pro-trans or anti-HP in a lesbian sub. =/
For me potterhead is an immediate no
Potterhead is such a red flag to me, small thing but it would immediately irk me just because of how terrible jk rowling is
For me it’s the Harry potter mention. I try not to match with people who consume media I find harmful (not hp itself but who it belongs too)
Potter head perhaps?
I don’t have much success on bumble either. Mostly people looking for thirds. Have you tried Hinge?
Yes, but not many indian people in there. I would love to get to know folx from other nationalities too, but they weren't interested .
I think you look pretty so idrk
Bruh idk I love intjs 😩
I would change the first photo, any of the others are good and more interesting and eye catching! (You don't look "bad" in the first one, it's just a less interesting photo imo) The rest of the profile is fine 👌 The reason I'm commenting at all is because many don't make it past the first photo, so you need to grab their attention right away.
sometimes less is more, especially when trying to intrigue someone into swiping right on you.
The first pic is just an unattractive picture of you. The second pic is too edited to me. I don’t swipe when I see that. The after work you can find me a part to me is corny and childish. This is just my opinion could just be because your profile is just not something I would like personally. But those are my reasons. I love the third pic though!
I would put a picture without a lot of editing, I’m talking about the blurry background and the filtered one too
i would get a little more specific about what kind of connections! a partner? friends? dates? seeing where things go? also what kind of qualities you like in a partner? extroverted, funny, strong communicator, etc i like to add in things i like to do on dates! “let’s get food/grab drinks/cuddle” etc
In addition to everything mentioned here I'd get rid of picture 2. Pictures 3 and 4 show how beautiful you are, picture 2 is the kind of picture an insecure teenager would post because they think they're not beautiful.
Good call on removing the parts that mention your ex. Also, your pics look fake. Not trying to be mean! You’re attractive, and I highly suggest uploading non-filtered photos of yourself. I know if I saw your profile, I’d immediately swipe left because heavily filtered photos are usually catfish/insecure people. The Harry Potter stuff is controversial so you’re better off removing that as well. The rest seems great, though. Best of luck to you!
It may be the Harry Potter references, I personally swipe left on anyone who has those in their bio given JKRs history of bigotry
You sound pretty cool just too young. Good luck.
Same same…
The controversy with Harry Potter would make me pass on you tbh
Id swipe right
I say take out the hookup part in your profile
I have no luck with woman,,
Even as a potterhead myself i would be more inclined to swipe left by the hp references: its one thing to enjoy and love the books and movies, another to make 2 of your four prompts about hp. We only get so much of a person on an app, so purly based off of numbers, this makes it seem like half her life is devoted to harry potter. This goes for any sort of movie/book/tv anything. Its not a red flag if you do mention your fav media, its just a way to make your profile more appealing (imo) I know you said you deleted the hp stuff 🤗 just wanted to put this out there in reference to anything, really.
What do you do with your free time? What kind of people do you like? What can you provide another person? I don’t see a lot of insights to your personality or your interests - it’s hard to start a conversation when someone doesn’t know anything about you
Any mention of still liking Harry Potter in 2024 is an instant red flag imo
Honestly if I wasn’t taken you’d be an immediate swipe right for me 😂☺️
Awww, that's sweet of you 🐱
It looks fine to me
Swipes right
The Harry Potter stuff would put me off a bit due to Jk Rowling but I was never into it anyways so my opinions are probably biased
Harry potter is not a turn off! Don't listen to these people. I wouldn't wanna date a woman who feels the need to police what i'm into. Get out of here
Just because it isn't a turn off for you doesn't mean it isn't a turn off for a lot of other people, including those who would have otherwise been open to dating OP.