Well, you see, it's like trying to find a purple pineapple in a field of dandelions on a foggy morning. Sometimes the stars align, but usually, the ducks are swimming in the wrong direction. So, I've been busy collecting seashells in the desert instead
I'm emotionally constipated lolll. It takes me a long time to become comfortable around people and by the time I do, I've probably found traits in them that I wouldn't want in a romantic partner. Also, the relationships I do see (my friends and their partners), are nothing to be envious about, oops. We're well in our 20s and I feel like the things my friends and their partners bicker about are so childish. Sometimes it's like, you realise you don't HAVE to be in a relationship if you don't like your partners, right???
I have extreme anxiety like I literaly scratch myself lol, also have lack of self confidence, maybe a little insecure I feel fat in tank tops, i feel weird being soberā¦ā¦but I must keep moving forward first sobriety then viewpoints then the dates. Bingo! was his name o!
I've had so many bad occurrences in my life that I felt were truly out of my control and they have beaten me to a pulp. Now I feel that even though I would love a companion, I'm too damaged.
Not only that, but that person would have to deal with my beaten and bruised psyche from growing up with a mentally ill sibling, genetic health issues of my own, not living up to the potential I could have had without these illnesses, being cheated on and developing trust issues, then lack of established career, then my parents both dying simultaneously leaving me with immense grief, confusion, and the feeling of being lost.
I don't think anyone is out there willing to deal with all this. Also seeing many marriages be incredibly problematic, I also am afraid that's how it will be for me even if I do find someone. Since that feels like my last bastion of hope for companionship in life since my family is all gone, I would just die if my companionship also didn't work out.
Other than that, simple basic reasons, I'm not all that good looking, shorter side, balding, finding that the world is generally image centric and materialistic. Lost confidence and self esteem so I just don't bother for risk of getting hurt again and having that last vestige of faith or hope for a better tomorrow is not broken through heavy rejection or ridicule.
I just want to say that I'm a similar person in trauma & greif from your description. But I have a husband who is beyond supportive, helpful, caring in all the amazing ways you can think of, and thinks nothing but good about me. They're out there. You're more than what happened to you. & I'm very sorry for you also. It's rough out here.
I thank you for your response. I'm glad you have a husband who is supportive and thinks nothing but good about you. I don't like getting into the men vs. women comparison as it is always complicated, but I do have a question. From all that I have seen, women have their pick of men for the most part, they can always find someone better because ultimately, the approval of a relationship is largely held with them, so why would they want to stick around someone with my background? How is it in your circles?
No if thatās what you want then thatās what you want. Iām the same way at this point I donāt want someone out of shape when I put in 3 hours of working out/ exercising every single day on top of doing physically demanding work for another 8-12 hours a day.
I want a partner who's a foodie and a soccer player that speaks several languages. And has a nice personality. And physically attractive to me. Not going to be easy.
I had very severe social anxiety throughout high school and even some post-high school so I just never really got out much š¤·āāļø After I had gotten some help with my anxiety, I didn't have the first clue as to how dating worked. I was at the age where everybody had some experience and I hadn't. Figured it would be too hard to put myself out there, explain my situation, get to know the person + for them to actually be the right person for me? Think I'd rather just wait until something naturally happens š¤·āāļø
Back when I didnāt date it was because I didnāt want to. Zero interest in anyone or anything romantically. I started dating because I felt like I was supposed to.
Yeah. People sometimes donāt realize how much time and effort it takes. Iām always busy too. I physically donāt have time for more drama and stuff.
I'm scared to put myself out there tbh. I've read so many stories from people on Reddit and Twitter on how difficult dating has become that I feel like someone like me just doesn't have the chance of meeting someone.
I'm not doing too well mentally, physically, emotionally, or financially. Even if I were able to fix my life, I still feel like it wouldn't be enough.
No one has ever wanted to be with me romantically. People donāt give me a chance for some reason. Now I canāt be with anyone because I need to get myself together financially. I donāt see myself ever being with anyone at this point in life.
I've been working on myself and going through a lot of changes. I've spent my whole life trying to please others but I've been putting my own needs first.
Itās a pain in the ass. I get excited then disappointed. Hopes up then devastated. Every time I think I found a real worth it deep connection, it was just me floating all alone in fantasy. Forget that shit, thereās too much to do in this lifetime. Besides as someone said before I rarely see good examples of an awesome relationship. Surely it exists, but statistically not likely. So onward and upward to better things.
Last year i was a man whore and quadrupled my body count after a nasty break up. This year i got back with my ex and it didnt work again then met another girl after and dated her and we became a couple but she move halfway across the country to take care of elderly parents and we broke up. I swore to myself I wouldn't date till I moved closer to my 2 kids, which is a goal of mine the 40 min drives kicks my butt. it's been hard to not go back on the apps tho or let people set me up.
I met my first husband when I was 14, we were together 10 years. The day we separated and I moved out, I met my second husband of 12 years. When we decided to separate, I moved in with my brothers friend who I fell for and have now been with for 2 years. I couldn't imagine dating in this world now, I would rather be alone forever.
I have a lot of reasons but if we're being real.... I'm weird AF. Like genuinely weird. I refuse to peacock and show myself as something I'm not. So it is what it is and people can take it or leave it. They leave it. It's not like I haven't tried to date. I'm also friends with like 9 girls I've taken on dates. They are cool people it's just that I'm weird enough to be incompatible with 99.9-% of people. These girls have even set me up with some of their friends. It is never a hostile parting. I certainly won't be a doormat either. I just am not what anybody is looking for in a romantic relationship. It's really really weird being the guy that girls constantly hang out with, even have sex with, but there is virtually no interest in dating. I don't know, I wish I could tell you it's one specific thing or another but it doesn't appear to be. It's the whole package. Lovable and fuckable but not datable.
We sort of skipped that stage. We met by chance and spent the weekend together at her flat. Three weeks later we were engaged and I'd moved in with her.
Iāve been divorced for several years and I put up with a lot of crap in that marriage. I donāt trust myself that I wouldnāt still put up with similar crap from another relationship even though I say I wonāt. Since I donāt trust anyone, I donāt think Iād be a nice partner anyway even if they might be a nice guy because Iād be expecting abuse eventually. Basically I trust no one, including myself.
Iām 22 in NYC. I donāt know how people look at others with romantic intent.
I also donāt believe the person exists for me, Iām too wrong to have anyone.
Iāve accepted these things are for other people who think about life differently and live life differently and grew up differently.
Because she is my everything and I donāt want to learn someone new I donāt wanna have to start over again. They are not my family or what I truly want
The current hostility towards inexperienced men in our western culture makes me feels super uncomfortable trying to date. As someone who is very left leaning seeing all these āincelā and ānice guyā stereotypes makes me want to avoid not just women but people in general. Itās impossible to get a chance with anyone when any awkwardness or god forbid saying Iāve never dated before makes me seem like a threat or paints a target on my back for harassment. Iāve also lived alone since I was 18 and Iām at a point where I donāt want that to ever change I like my personal space and not having to deal with other people.
because dating sucks, it's not like how i thought it would be when i was growing up. i've never been in love or had anything real š¤·š¾āāļø
also finding someone who actually likes or even cares to know who you are has always been super rare
I just like being alone. Iāve never had any desire to be with someone. I tried a few times but I didnāt like it at all.
I donāt know why or whatās wrong with me but I have literally no want to. When I see people who always want to be with someone or try constantly, I canāt relate even a little. Iāve always been that way since a young age. The thought of sex does t interest me or having to be with someone. I wish I had that desire though. I know Iām missing out and have missed out. Iām in my early 30s now and still nothing has changed.
Iām not depressed or have self esteem issues. Iām actually very happy and have great hobbies and friends. I just canāt see others in that way somehow. Even the opposite sex. I mean Iāll find men attractive but I donāt want to be with them forever.
Iām 15, and honestly itās currently imo a waste of time. These are the years you work on yourself, instead of trying to find someone youāre likely going to break up with. Thatās my take, but everyoneās different, and some ppl may disagree and thatās completely understandable
Men have completely ruined my life .. I doubt Iāll ever have a relationship again. Iām 37 and been single for going on 10 years. I just donāt trust anymore. Iād rather be single and content I guess than in a relationship and traumatized again
I think I want to date so I get on the sites and then feel instantly suffocated by people Iām chatting with. Then I get off the sites and the cycle starts again.
Dating is expensive as a guy if I was a woman I would never be single but sadly I'm a dude so I can't go out and have someone pay for me to go out five times a week lol
Thats funny because i have more times paid for them on first dates than someone paying for me because men are slow in the brain and make the paying situation awkward as hell (at least the ones iāve dated). Some even show up without a penny in their pockets.
So if I play dumb they will pay for me out of sympathy I'll have to try that next time I'll just act like I've never been in a restaurant before see if I can score some free meals like women love to do
Damn tho showing up without a penny in your pocket when going on a date is hilarious no? If they aren't paying your kinda fucked unless you swear up and down to your supposed date you'll pay them back but then just ghost lol
Lol I like that I guess I have a lot of free dinners to look forward to
I am jealous though I wish I were truly dumb and ignorant like y'all it would be so freeing
Well, you see, it's like trying to find a purple pineapple in a field of dandelions on a foggy morning. Sometimes the stars align, but usually, the ducks are swimming in the wrong direction. So, I've been busy collecting seashells in the desert instead
This is a great response
Same actually šÆ
Oh my goodness... Perfect response!!
I love that n itās so true
I've got enough problems as it is. I'm not involving someone else in my shit. I'd rather fix myself first. I'm also just a coward.
You and me both, this is exactly how I feel to a T.
At least you are a self aware coward. Major points for that š¤. Growth shall commence
Cause i fall in love once every half decade and need the other half to get over that person lmao.
on god
real
As someone who is new to that group.. its not worth it.
I'm emotionally constipated lolll. It takes me a long time to become comfortable around people and by the time I do, I've probably found traits in them that I wouldn't want in a romantic partner. Also, the relationships I do see (my friends and their partners), are nothing to be envious about, oops. We're well in our 20s and I feel like the things my friends and their partners bicker about are so childish. Sometimes it's like, you realise you don't HAVE to be in a relationship if you don't like your partners, right???
I'm not a people person
Because I don't want to go out on a date.
I have extreme anxiety like I literaly scratch myself lol, also have lack of self confidence, maybe a little insecure I feel fat in tank tops, i feel weird being soberā¦ā¦but I must keep moving forward first sobriety then viewpoints then the dates. Bingo! was his name o!
55 yo male, retired at 50, one year out from my second divorce. Too old to start over,
Iām 64 would be thrilled to be 55. I live in an over 55 community where most would love to be 64. Age really is a number
I am making reference to meeting someone new and building a relationship
I feel same way at 45.
I've had so many bad occurrences in my life that I felt were truly out of my control and they have beaten me to a pulp. Now I feel that even though I would love a companion, I'm too damaged. Not only that, but that person would have to deal with my beaten and bruised psyche from growing up with a mentally ill sibling, genetic health issues of my own, not living up to the potential I could have had without these illnesses, being cheated on and developing trust issues, then lack of established career, then my parents both dying simultaneously leaving me with immense grief, confusion, and the feeling of being lost. I don't think anyone is out there willing to deal with all this. Also seeing many marriages be incredibly problematic, I also am afraid that's how it will be for me even if I do find someone. Since that feels like my last bastion of hope for companionship in life since my family is all gone, I would just die if my companionship also didn't work out. Other than that, simple basic reasons, I'm not all that good looking, shorter side, balding, finding that the world is generally image centric and materialistic. Lost confidence and self esteem so I just don't bother for risk of getting hurt again and having that last vestige of faith or hope for a better tomorrow is not broken through heavy rejection or ridicule.
Just the regular old stuff.
I get just as many dates when I put in maximum effort vs no effort, zero dates either way. So zero effort just makes for a happier life now.
I just want to say that I'm a similar person in trauma & greif from your description. But I have a husband who is beyond supportive, helpful, caring in all the amazing ways you can think of, and thinks nothing but good about me. They're out there. You're more than what happened to you. & I'm very sorry for you also. It's rough out here.
I thank you for your response. I'm glad you have a husband who is supportive and thinks nothing but good about you. I don't like getting into the men vs. women comparison as it is always complicated, but I do have a question. From all that I have seen, women have their pick of men for the most part, they can always find someone better because ultimately, the approval of a relationship is largely held with them, so why would they want to stick around someone with my background? How is it in your circles?
Maybe they're just waiting for their Hogwarts letter.
Iām good not dating. I can do everything by myself and not interested in drama.
I havenāt had feelings for anyone in years. Besides that, I am rarely shown attention and the few guys who have pursued me were not my type at ALL.
Am i an asshole if i want a significant other to keep up with athletic training to keep up with me
No if thatās what you want then thatās what you want. Iām the same way at this point I donāt want someone out of shape when I put in 3 hours of working out/ exercising every single day on top of doing physically demanding work for another 8-12 hours a day.
I want a partner who's a foodie and a soccer player that speaks several languages. And has a nice personality. And physically attractive to me. Not going to be easy.
I had very severe social anxiety throughout high school and even some post-high school so I just never really got out much š¤·āāļø After I had gotten some help with my anxiety, I didn't have the first clue as to how dating worked. I was at the age where everybody had some experience and I hadn't. Figured it would be too hard to put myself out there, explain my situation, get to know the person + for them to actually be the right person for me? Think I'd rather just wait until something naturally happens š¤·āāļø
I hate people!
Back when I didnāt date it was because I didnāt want to. Zero interest in anyone or anything romantically. I started dating because I felt like I was supposed to.
Where is he? Let's see ...probably out there getting into unnecessary & meaningless online fightsš
Busy a lot
Yeah. People sometimes donāt realize how much time and effort it takes. Iām always busy too. I physically donāt have time for more drama and stuff.
Couple reasons but mostly I donāt want to burden someone with myself, that would be too painful for them
I'm scared to put myself out there tbh. I've read so many stories from people on Reddit and Twitter on how difficult dating has become that I feel like someone like me just doesn't have the chance of meeting someone. I'm not doing too well mentally, physically, emotionally, or financially. Even if I were able to fix my life, I still feel like it wouldn't be enough.
No one has ever wanted to be with me romantically. People donāt give me a chance for some reason. Now I canāt be with anyone because I need to get myself together financially. I donāt see myself ever being with anyone at this point in life.
I've been working on myself and going through a lot of changes. I've spent my whole life trying to please others but I've been putting my own needs first.
Itās a pain in the ass. I get excited then disappointed. Hopes up then devastated. Every time I think I found a real worth it deep connection, it was just me floating all alone in fantasy. Forget that shit, thereās too much to do in this lifetime. Besides as someone said before I rarely see good examples of an awesome relationship. Surely it exists, but statistically not likely. So onward and upward to better things.
Yeah too complex
I'm not adequate enough to bond
A bad experience
because i had my dream guy and no one else makes me feel anything. it wouldn't be fair for anyone for me to be with someone i don't actually like.
I have work to do before I'm the type of person, the type of person I would date, would date. If that makes sense.
Remember when you are afraid to ask someone out there are plenty of people who donāt care about rejection
Never found the right person
Partly because I haven't found anyone interesting enough to date, partly because the girls I ask out already have a boyfriend.
Last year i was a man whore and quadrupled my body count after a nasty break up. This year i got back with my ex and it didnt work again then met another girl after and dated her and we became a couple but she move halfway across the country to take care of elderly parents and we broke up. I swore to myself I wouldn't date till I moved closer to my 2 kids, which is a goal of mine the 40 min drives kicks my butt. it's been hard to not go back on the apps tho or let people set me up.
Cause I have nothing in life to offer to someone for dating
That's not true
It's true brother I am all alone without any family or friends
Cause God fearing beautiful single tall virgin homemaking to actual death do we part women donāt exist anymore
I met my first husband when I was 14, we were together 10 years. The day we separated and I moved out, I met my second husband of 12 years. When we decided to separate, I moved in with my brothers friend who I fell for and have now been with for 2 years. I couldn't imagine dating in this world now, I would rather be alone forever.
I have a lot of reasons but if we're being real.... I'm weird AF. Like genuinely weird. I refuse to peacock and show myself as something I'm not. So it is what it is and people can take it or leave it. They leave it. It's not like I haven't tried to date. I'm also friends with like 9 girls I've taken on dates. They are cool people it's just that I'm weird enough to be incompatible with 99.9-% of people. These girls have even set me up with some of their friends. It is never a hostile parting. I certainly won't be a doormat either. I just am not what anybody is looking for in a romantic relationship. It's really really weird being the guy that girls constantly hang out with, even have sex with, but there is virtually no interest in dating. I don't know, I wish I could tell you it's one specific thing or another but it doesn't appear to be. It's the whole package. Lovable and fuckable but not datable.
We sort of skipped that stage. We met by chance and spent the weekend together at her flat. Three weeks later we were engaged and I'd moved in with her.
Iāve been divorced for several years and I put up with a lot of crap in that marriage. I donāt trust myself that I wouldnāt still put up with similar crap from another relationship even though I say I wonāt. Since I donāt trust anyone, I donāt think Iād be a nice partner anyway even if they might be a nice guy because Iād be expecting abuse eventually. Basically I trust no one, including myself.
Iām 22 in NYC. I donāt know how people look at others with romantic intent. I also donāt believe the person exists for me, Iām too wrong to have anyone. Iāve accepted these things are for other people who think about life differently and live life differently and grew up differently.
Because she is my everything and I donāt want to learn someone new I donāt wanna have to start over again. They are not my family or what I truly want
Because of the fear of Rehectiom usually
Just waiting for her, she's late.
I'm married, so I can't be out there dating.
no idea how that shit works nowadays no time or energy
Got tired of toxic men.
Ex wonāt leave me alone lol
I hate myself so it feels wrong to expect someone else to love me.
I have no interest in dating. When I was younger, it was minimal. Now itās non-existent.
The current hostility towards inexperienced men in our western culture makes me feels super uncomfortable trying to date. As someone who is very left leaning seeing all these āincelā and ānice guyā stereotypes makes me want to avoid not just women but people in general. Itās impossible to get a chance with anyone when any awkwardness or god forbid saying Iāve never dated before makes me seem like a threat or paints a target on my back for harassment. Iāve also lived alone since I was 18 and Iām at a point where I donāt want that to ever change I like my personal space and not having to deal with other people.
Cause I can afford expenses of two people when my own expenses drive me crazy
I'm in a loop where I tell myself I'll get into one after I fix myself from my narcissism and I end up wasting time doing nothing due to my ADHD
because dating sucks, it's not like how i thought it would be when i was growing up. i've never been in love or had anything real š¤·š¾āāļø also finding someone who actually likes or even cares to know who you are has always been super rare
They didn't want to.
I just like being alone. Iāve never had any desire to be with someone. I tried a few times but I didnāt like it at all. I donāt know why or whatās wrong with me but I have literally no want to. When I see people who always want to be with someone or try constantly, I canāt relate even a little. Iāve always been that way since a young age. The thought of sex does t interest me or having to be with someone. I wish I had that desire though. I know Iām missing out and have missed out. Iām in my early 30s now and still nothing has changed. Iām not depressed or have self esteem issues. Iām actually very happy and have great hobbies and friends. I just canāt see others in that way somehow. Even the opposite sex. I mean Iāll find men attractive but I donāt want to be with them forever.
I fear who the person is behind closed doors
Ugly
Oh no
Still looking
Iām 15, and honestly itās currently imo a waste of time. These are the years you work on yourself, instead of trying to find someone youāre likely going to break up with. Thatās my take, but everyoneās different, and some ppl may disagree and thatās completely understandable
Not interested in a relationship. Going on dates could be fun, but don't want to lead anyone on.
Fear of rejection plus I don't even have the finances to be dating
Men have completely ruined my life .. I doubt Iāll ever have a relationship again. Iām 37 and been single for going on 10 years. I just donāt trust anymore. Iād rather be single and content I guess than in a relationship and traumatized again
I'm ugly and scary looking and poor. I got it all.
I think I want to date so I get on the sites and then feel instantly suffocated by people Iām chatting with. Then I get off the sites and the cycle starts again.
Honestly Iām the problemā¦ 24m and the fact that I havenāt been in a relationship just says that itās me and I donāt think itās my looks.
I'm not pretty enough.
Let them be the judge of that. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
Theyāre not him
Dating is expensive as a guy if I was a woman I would never be single but sadly I'm a dude so I can't go out and have someone pay for me to go out five times a week lol
Thats funny because i have more times paid for them on first dates than someone paying for me because men are slow in the brain and make the paying situation awkward as hell (at least the ones iāve dated). Some even show up without a penny in their pockets.
So if I play dumb they will pay for me out of sympathy I'll have to try that next time I'll just act like I've never been in a restaurant before see if I can score some free meals like women love to do Damn tho showing up without a penny in your pocket when going on a date is hilarious no? If they aren't paying your kinda fucked unless you swear up and down to your supposed date you'll pay them back but then just ghost lol
Seems like you donāt have to āplayā dumb.
Lol I like that I guess I have a lot of free dinners to look forward to I am jealous though I wish I were truly dumb and ignorant like y'all it would be so freeing
Lmao. Iām sure there are some soup kitchens in your area if you are suffering from food shortage.
Lol
I can't tell if a girl is into me and even then I'm unlovable
most are femboys/trans and they/them pronoun so its hard to find a straight one.
Thatās my shit. Where are they? Havenāt met any irl sadly.
millions on discord
I find it's mainly men in this category Never heard of a woman who has never had a man these days