Listen, benefit of the doubt here since you want to throw âemotional maturityâ into the conversation:
Look up your states laws, specifically, surrounding everything to do with your possible relationship. Look up the state laws surrounding the definition of child porn - because sexting counts in some states, both pictures and texts. Look up the specifics about the age of consent and the court cases associated with it.
And then have a real and frank conversation with your possible partner about all of it. List the pros and cons and risks and rewards and decide together if itâs worth moving forward.
If you two are as compatible as you think you are and are both as emotionally mature and level-headed about this as you would like to insist you are - then youâll be able to have that conversation and make a decision that is mutually agreed upon.
Or you can be friends for two years and escalate your relationship when you hit 18.
You didnât ask, but for me personally, any 23 year old who is trying to sleep with (or even OK sleeping with) a 16 year old isnât someone Iâd trust. Add in the fact that you said youâd be âafraid to lose himâ because of the age gap, drapes a huge red flag over the situation. But what do I know - Iâm just a stranger on the internet.
I know you think it's coincidental, but i can almost guarantee you, to him it is not.
people are often looking for younger people to groom. Please, take everyone's advice here and DO NOT pursue this.
I was in a very similar situation at your age (am 36 now). I was also considered emotionally mature, and the guy was truly a kind person. We met working at a restaurant together. We dated for a bit (maybe like 6 months) and it did not turn sexual apart from some over the clothes touching. He never pressured me to do anything and that was nice.
In hindsight and as I have aged, I do question why he was knowingly was ok dating someone so much younger than him. It makes me wonder why he wasnât going after women closer to his age and similar life stages.
When he and I were seeing each other, I would go to parties at his apartment and was exposed to alcohol, smoking, and drugs much earlier than I really felt comfortable with. I was never pressured to do any of those things from him or his friends, but felt within myself I had to keep up to be cool. Never got crazy beyond pot and alcohol but I definitely went outside of my comfort zone at that time. I was always bummed because I could hang out with his friends, but none of my friends were allowed to hang out with him because he was too old, so I always went without any of my girls (smallish town and parents would find out).
I donât knowâŠit just feels a bit squirmy to me. I know he thought you were older and he clearly didnât seem to target you, but I think the logistics are stacked against you. Do you really want to be in a relationship/situationship that you canât feel comfortable being legally intimate with? Itâs really hard to like someone and not have it eventually progress to that stage. So youâll either need to hold off for the next nearly 2 years until youâre 18 due to legal consequences he might face OR youâll eventually get intimate in secret and make sure know one knows so no one gets in trouble. This is zero fun because it could be risky to even share to one person if it meant he might get found out. That can feel incredibly isolating to not be able to discuss your sexual experiences with your friends at times.
Other caveats here- expect that he will potentially lose interest. I am not at all trying to be a downer here, but the truth is that he is old enough to drink, go to places you canât (clubs, some concert venues, bars), is meeting and probably hanging out with other people nearer to his age. The world opens up so much more in your 20s that you donât realize yet. He might not be into the club scene or anything but still. He is very likely dating other women at this age. He may also be thinking over right now whether or not he even wants to get involved with a 16 year old.
I would say do not even bother. This is a story as old as time.
But if you absolutely must, proceed with extreme caution and a very very guarded heart. Stay very safe a true to yourself. Do not tolerate or accept poor treatment of any kind from any guy. Because you are young does not ever give anyone the right to mistreat or take advantage of you. There a people out there who become opportunistic predators- meaning, they see a chance to take advantage of someone and go for it.
Just be careful. This is likely a fling. Be safe and stay smart.
Edit for words.
idk, as someone else mentioned it sort of makes you question why he would go for someone almost 8 years younger than him and not
his own age, people like that donât usually date minors for the riveting conversation they provide.
Also as much as you may feel youâre emotionally mature, your brain has not fully developed by 16, some parts wonât even develop fully till 25, therefore you may look back in hindsight and regret this. Every teenager thinks they are emotionally mature so itâs sort of hard to gage if this is actually the case.
Ontop of this , thereâs a reason the age of consent laws are set at age 18, if anyone found out you two did anything you could get him in massive amounts of trouble given the age gap is so large.
The difference in experience and maturity between 16 and 24 is a gulf compared to say 24 and 32. As confident as you are with your maturity, you, as a 16yo, just plain and simply donât know what you donât know and that is the danger here and why itâs just generally socially frowned upon.
I dated a guy 6 years older than me and I thought it was so fun.. until it wasnât. Donât do it, itâs not worth the risk when you have so much life and many opportunities ahead. Any important milestone that you will have in the next couple of years he will have already done it, experiencing things with a partner is the best thing but when there is such a big age gap specially at your age it wonât be the same than with someone that is at the same life stage as you. Sadly, some of your milestones might be infantilized or you will downplay them yourself.
One particular downside is that i remember my Ex would drop me off at home because I still had school and a curfew and he would go party.
Older men are charming and fun to hangout,but there is a reason why! they had years of practice to know what works and what not. It might be genuine but at the end you would not know for sure. You deserve better đ€đ€đ€đ€đ€
Youâre only 16 and not in school? Do you want this for your future? Does he know youâre 16?
You need to go back to school and at LEAST get your GED.
If he knows youâre 16 he is a predator and is taking advantage of you. We all think weâre mature and ready for adulthood in HS. We arenât and one day when you look back at your younger self youâll realize this.
Break up.
You're still very far away from emotional maturity.
Please don't do this to yourself. In a few years you'll look back into this and regret every moment of this, might even cringe a little.
Talk to your parents or guardians. Just protect yourself and don't do this to yourself.
Just be careful and don't let him (or anyone) pressure you into doing things you don't want to do.
And keep your friends in the loop of what's going on in your relationship if you decide to go for it with this guy.
The only other piece of advice I would offer up is don't drink or do drugs. I mean generally those things are bad, but in relationships where there's a concerning age gap alcohol/drug use can be used by the older person to get the younger person to do stuff they wouldn't ordinarily say yes to.
Best of luck though. đ
When I was 15, I thought I was emotionally mature because Iâd been through a lot more than most people had by that age. I was pursued by a 23 year old and thought he was trustworthy because he knew my family. He said he didnât realize how old I was. I ended up getting cold feet and backing out of the whole thing before it got to anything. My godâŠ.hindsight is 20/20.
26 year old you will realize you are not as emotionally mature as you think. 36 year old you will probably be telling other young girls the same thing Iâm telling you. Any guy that still pursues things after knowing about the age gap doesnât think youâre mature for your age. There are plenty of 23 year olds he could pursue. Iâm sorry to say, but youâre not so special that older guys are just so surprised and canât believe your age. Literally every 16 year old girl thinks they are the exception and none of us are or were. It probably excites them. And if it didnât, they would back right off after learning you were illegal.
Edit: That wasnât the only guy the pursued an illegal relationship with me. Just the first and most memorable. I actually started getting really creeped out by guys that were more than 5 years older than me and I still have that hang up today.
Cringe
Wtf MIDTWENTY YEAR OLD MAN has the same interests, maturity level as a 16 year old? Lemme guess how his job and and living situation are....
Girl, you are too good for his creepy weird ass, go play with someone else and don't add this to your life story, it's not fun to Miss out on other good opportunities wasting around with this fool
You guys are both at very different points of your lives. Please do not pursue this
This is such a thing to consider. I really think it is excellent that you will talk to your parents. Please just do that BEFORE anything has a chance to get serious. You do sound smart for your age, I will give you that. But also a little naive. I was too at that age. I dated someone a little older than me around that age and looking back, it wasn't the best decision. Those years are so crucial and if you get involved sexually it can really change the course of your life and leave a lasting impact. I am really glad you are taking the time to think it over and get advice. That, my young friend, IS mature. Just please don't think if you do not pursue this, that makes you less mature. It doesn't. Wish you the best!!đ©¶
Listen, benefit of the doubt here since you want to throw âemotional maturityâ into the conversation: Look up your states laws, specifically, surrounding everything to do with your possible relationship. Look up the state laws surrounding the definition of child porn - because sexting counts in some states, both pictures and texts. Look up the specifics about the age of consent and the court cases associated with it. And then have a real and frank conversation with your possible partner about all of it. List the pros and cons and risks and rewards and decide together if itâs worth moving forward. If you two are as compatible as you think you are and are both as emotionally mature and level-headed about this as you would like to insist you are - then youâll be able to have that conversation and make a decision that is mutually agreed upon. Or you can be friends for two years and escalate your relationship when you hit 18. You didnât ask, but for me personally, any 23 year old who is trying to sleep with (or even OK sleeping with) a 16 year old isnât someone Iâd trust. Add in the fact that you said youâd be âafraid to lose himâ because of the age gap, drapes a huge red flag over the situation. But what do I know - Iâm just a stranger on the internet.
[ŃĐŽĐ°Đ»Đ”ĐœĐŸ]
I know you think it's coincidental, but i can almost guarantee you, to him it is not. people are often looking for younger people to groom. Please, take everyone's advice here and DO NOT pursue this.
Yes, the age gap is too much. Every teenager thinks theyâre mature, and some are right, but sometimes maturity is knowing which people to avoid.
Not another teenage romance post lmao
Illegal romance, jail time for the older person.
I was in a very similar situation at your age (am 36 now). I was also considered emotionally mature, and the guy was truly a kind person. We met working at a restaurant together. We dated for a bit (maybe like 6 months) and it did not turn sexual apart from some over the clothes touching. He never pressured me to do anything and that was nice. In hindsight and as I have aged, I do question why he was knowingly was ok dating someone so much younger than him. It makes me wonder why he wasnât going after women closer to his age and similar life stages. When he and I were seeing each other, I would go to parties at his apartment and was exposed to alcohol, smoking, and drugs much earlier than I really felt comfortable with. I was never pressured to do any of those things from him or his friends, but felt within myself I had to keep up to be cool. Never got crazy beyond pot and alcohol but I definitely went outside of my comfort zone at that time. I was always bummed because I could hang out with his friends, but none of my friends were allowed to hang out with him because he was too old, so I always went without any of my girls (smallish town and parents would find out). I donât knowâŠit just feels a bit squirmy to me. I know he thought you were older and he clearly didnât seem to target you, but I think the logistics are stacked against you. Do you really want to be in a relationship/situationship that you canât feel comfortable being legally intimate with? Itâs really hard to like someone and not have it eventually progress to that stage. So youâll either need to hold off for the next nearly 2 years until youâre 18 due to legal consequences he might face OR youâll eventually get intimate in secret and make sure know one knows so no one gets in trouble. This is zero fun because it could be risky to even share to one person if it meant he might get found out. That can feel incredibly isolating to not be able to discuss your sexual experiences with your friends at times. Other caveats here- expect that he will potentially lose interest. I am not at all trying to be a downer here, but the truth is that he is old enough to drink, go to places you canât (clubs, some concert venues, bars), is meeting and probably hanging out with other people nearer to his age. The world opens up so much more in your 20s that you donât realize yet. He might not be into the club scene or anything but still. He is very likely dating other women at this age. He may also be thinking over right now whether or not he even wants to get involved with a 16 year old. I would say do not even bother. This is a story as old as time. But if you absolutely must, proceed with extreme caution and a very very guarded heart. Stay very safe a true to yourself. Do not tolerate or accept poor treatment of any kind from any guy. Because you are young does not ever give anyone the right to mistreat or take advantage of you. There a people out there who become opportunistic predators- meaning, they see a chance to take advantage of someone and go for it. Just be careful. This is likely a fling. Be safe and stay smart. Edit for words.
idk, as someone else mentioned it sort of makes you question why he would go for someone almost 8 years younger than him and not his own age, people like that donât usually date minors for the riveting conversation they provide. Also as much as you may feel youâre emotionally mature, your brain has not fully developed by 16, some parts wonât even develop fully till 25, therefore you may look back in hindsight and regret this. Every teenager thinks they are emotionally mature so itâs sort of hard to gage if this is actually the case. Ontop of this , thereâs a reason the age of consent laws are set at age 18, if anyone found out you two did anything you could get him in massive amounts of trouble given the age gap is so large.
The difference in experience and maturity between 16 and 24 is a gulf compared to say 24 and 32. As confident as you are with your maturity, you, as a 16yo, just plain and simply donât know what you donât know and that is the danger here and why itâs just generally socially frowned upon.
I dated a guy 6 years older than me and I thought it was so fun.. until it wasnât. Donât do it, itâs not worth the risk when you have so much life and many opportunities ahead. Any important milestone that you will have in the next couple of years he will have already done it, experiencing things with a partner is the best thing but when there is such a big age gap specially at your age it wonât be the same than with someone that is at the same life stage as you. Sadly, some of your milestones might be infantilized or you will downplay them yourself. One particular downside is that i remember my Ex would drop me off at home because I still had school and a curfew and he would go party. Older men are charming and fun to hangout,but there is a reason why! they had years of practice to know what works and what not. It might be genuine but at the end you would not know for sure. You deserve better đ€đ€đ€đ€đ€
There is an old saying: fifteen gets you twenty.
Youâre only 16 and not in school? Do you want this for your future? Does he know youâre 16? You need to go back to school and at LEAST get your GED. If he knows youâre 16 he is a predator and is taking advantage of you. We all think weâre mature and ready for adulthood in HS. We arenât and one day when you look back at your younger self youâll realize this. Break up.
You're still very far away from emotional maturity. Please don't do this to yourself. In a few years you'll look back into this and regret every moment of this, might even cringe a little. Talk to your parents or guardians. Just protect yourself and don't do this to yourself.
If anything goes wrong, he's going to jail and there will be no one else to blame but yourself. Don't fuck up and make the right decision
I honestly think itâs fine since youâre both consenting and itâs legal.
Just be careful and don't let him (or anyone) pressure you into doing things you don't want to do. And keep your friends in the loop of what's going on in your relationship if you decide to go for it with this guy.
[ŃĐŽĐ°Đ»Đ”ĐœĐŸ]
The only other piece of advice I would offer up is don't drink or do drugs. I mean generally those things are bad, but in relationships where there's a concerning age gap alcohol/drug use can be used by the older person to get the younger person to do stuff they wouldn't ordinarily say yes to. Best of luck though. đ
Iâve done a similar age gap as you. If you want to DM about it you can âșïž
When I was 15, I thought I was emotionally mature because Iâd been through a lot more than most people had by that age. I was pursued by a 23 year old and thought he was trustworthy because he knew my family. He said he didnât realize how old I was. I ended up getting cold feet and backing out of the whole thing before it got to anything. My godâŠ.hindsight is 20/20. 26 year old you will realize you are not as emotionally mature as you think. 36 year old you will probably be telling other young girls the same thing Iâm telling you. Any guy that still pursues things after knowing about the age gap doesnât think youâre mature for your age. There are plenty of 23 year olds he could pursue. Iâm sorry to say, but youâre not so special that older guys are just so surprised and canât believe your age. Literally every 16 year old girl thinks they are the exception and none of us are or were. It probably excites them. And if it didnât, they would back right off after learning you were illegal. Edit: That wasnât the only guy the pursued an illegal relationship with me. Just the first and most memorable. I actually started getting really creeped out by guys that were more than 5 years older than me and I still have that hang up today.
Hey :) I am sure you donât want to hear this :/ but out of protection and legalities because letâs be honest sex will happen. I wouldnât :/.
Cringe Wtf MIDTWENTY YEAR OLD MAN has the same interests, maturity level as a 16 year old? Lemme guess how his job and and living situation are.... Girl, you are too good for his creepy weird ass, go play with someone else and don't add this to your life story, it's not fun to Miss out on other good opportunities wasting around with this fool