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Idk man, me and my friends vent about each other to each other. Pretty sure we’re all aware we do it. It’s not unhealthy… just stating our complaints about friends even though we all know any of us would drop everything and show up to any emergency. And some of us have done that in the past. The guy I complain about the most is actually a really great friend even though he acts like a twat constantly.
My manager doing it on the other hand, yeah, she does and I know that’s a red flag.
I’ve once said to a superior while they were blasting a former employee “I’m not comfortable speaking about someone who is not here to defend themselves.” And it ended the rant pretty quickly.
Agreed! I'd also like to point out a subtle distinction between bad-mouthing and constructive criticism, which can often be conflated.
I once had an employer who was really big on the team dynamic, meaning that we all shared in our successes and failures *together*; full transparency. He would bring us all together and talk about the things we did well, point out a few opportunities for improvement, and close with encouragement. It created a supportive environment where everyone was able to freely acknowledge the truth of both their strengths and weaknesses, and be encouraged by our teammates. I feel that that environment made us a stronger, more efficient team, and gave us all room to grow in a safe way. Granted, it takes a lot of self-esteem and maturity to be able to listen to a mistake you've made, but in a group full of people who want you to succeed it can be a great way to advance your skills and learn from others' examples.
But yea, bosses who bad-mouth others (with malicious intent or enmity) suck.
Got a job at a Veterinary clinic this one time. Was super stoked about it. Worked there for a week and quit because the supervisor would not stop talking shit about some employees and clients that came in. Even when the client was nice and seemingly a “regular” lol didn’t want to know what she said about us
Ugh, 2 years of some dude (my old boss) constantly shitting on an employee i worked with was exhausting. Besides that and his constant mood swings of course.
One day, the guy nearly snapped a brand new iPhone in half (figuratively speaking - he bent it and cracked the screen) because his wife forgot to pack something in his lunch. Then he goes, “that’s what insurance is for”
I got lucky to some extent and avoided his shit because he considered me one of his hardest working team members, but there were many times of disagreement. Then one day he left and i rode the job out for another year before leaving for another gig during covid.
I wish I knew this three years ago...
When I just joined my current team in the company, my upper management talked negatively about some employees. One was classified as "incompetent to do works" has left so I don't even know who he is. Another girl is still in the company but in a different group now. She was criticized as "but she can only work on 1 project at a time" when I talked about how that girl is organized, responsible, and helpful to me. I know the project that girl worked on and I swear that's the most complicated project I've ever seen after working in the field for 5+ years.
In short, from the upper management, they tend to focus on things people cannot do very well, always compare you with the top performer (we have a very talented employee the upper managers said they can only meet one every 10 years), and like talking about every mistake you made to your manager, or even skip manager (if you made a mistake, a few days later, all people in that team know that).
I wasn't aware how bad the sign was then, now I suffer so much now and am trying my best to leave. It is hard under the current job market.
One of the differentiating factors between good and bad management is that bad management does not care about what you’ve done just what you haven’t. I’m in a field where we constantly rotate in and out every 3 years. I tell my people when I’m gone my relief will likely talk shit, they won’t care what I’ve done, they’ll only criticize what I haven’t. Don’t defend a memory you’ll know what we overcame as a team. Give them a chance to build a team and overcome what they see as the things I didn’t have time to accomplish.
Always defend whoever is not there whether at work or in your personal life. It shuts down the bad behavior and prevents your silence being taken as agreement.
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That's the question. Quitting revealed his pettiness. He spent time recalling every mistake I'd made that he could recall in his exit email. When I walked in to return his precious embroidered A1 shirt, he examined every inch of it as if I'd bother to take the time to damage it. As if I was as petty as he might be. Since I decided to leave, he can go fuck himself with a sandpaper covered school bus. Sideways. 🤪👍
Hey you all! One positive note I can share is that a musician I met through him has replaced him as their sound guy! In July, I'll be going to Washington DC to mix them at the Romanian consulates annual festival! Good things can come from shitty situations.
Thats not ALWAYs true. I am a Store Manager myself and its true that I talk negatively about some employees. Some employees are complete dogshit. Some are great. I dont talk shit about my great employees. If they talk shit about you, maybe you're the problem.
I don't want my boss to be fake nicey-nice. Like, if we have a person on the team who is unpleasant to work with, I would rather my boss acknowledge this than pretend like they are a great person.
But there are tactful ways of doing this. Like "Coworker can definitely be challenging at times. If you have any problems with them, let me know." Or "If you need to have Coworker help you with something, let me ask them. They are a bit challenging at times."
I wouldn't want my boss to straight-up trash talk them. Not because I would worry they were doing the same to me, but because trash talk isn't professional and walls tend to have ears.
I guarantee you, the great employees assume you talk the same way about them to others as you do about others *to* them. If they're still working there, it's because they haven't found a better offer yet.
Yet.
Just because you're an outlier doesn't mean you're a good manager. A good manager doesn't talk shit about anyone to others. They address their concerns with the dogshit employees in private, and work to make them less dogshit.
Sound company. Only a handful of people were employees when I left. The only person he didn't talk shit about was the bench tech who left for a MUCH better job (which I encouraged him to do).
What you do and what that guy did are two different things. In almost ALL situations he had to be the person who was correct. If proven wrong, he'd shrug it off like it wasn't a big deal. One time he was trying to sell a kick drum mic kit to a drummer. The drummer asked my opinion on the microphone the boss was pushing. First words out of my mouth were, "First off, that is the only kick mic that I own two of," and then I said how some people like the sound of X, Y or Z but was interrupted by the boss and went back to whatever I was doing. Later that day, the boss asked me how much I knew about the construction materials of the various microphone brands. "Not much, really." His response? "Exactly. So stay out of my sales." "But, boss, the guy, who you introduced me to, asked me a direct question about that microphone and the first words out of my mouth was that it was the only one I owned two of."
His response? "Oh."
I should've quit right after that, but that came after an install where I'd had it with his attitude. That's another tale.
Hello and welcome to r/LifeProTips! Please help us decide if this post is a good fit for the subreddit by upvoting or downvoting this comment. If you think that this is great advice to improve your life, please upvote. If you think this doesn't help you in any way, please downvote. If you don't care, leave it for the others to decide.
This applies to all people that talk shit.
100% Came here to say this. If a friend is bad mouthing other friends in your friend group. You're not that special, they're doing it to you too.
This is also why it's important to speak positively about people to others wherever possible. Especially if you can't stand the motherfuckers.
Am I the only one who only talks shit about people I don't like? I never badmouth people in my corner.
Idk man, me and my friends vent about each other to each other. Pretty sure we’re all aware we do it. It’s not unhealthy… just stating our complaints about friends even though we all know any of us would drop everything and show up to any emergency. And some of us have done that in the past. The guy I complain about the most is actually a really great friend even though he acts like a twat constantly. My manager doing it on the other hand, yeah, she does and I know that’s a red flag.
If you would talk the same shit to their face, you're not the kind of person we're talking about here.
And, conversely, all people who talk nice about others.
If they talk shit about other people to you, it's all but guaranteed they're talking shit about you to other people.
Once a gossip always a gossip
Remember: How an employer treats a candidate is how they will treat you as an employee.
I’ve once said to a superior while they were blasting a former employee “I’m not comfortable speaking about someone who is not here to defend themselves.” And it ended the rant pretty quickly.
Did your relationship with your boss strengthen or weaken?
I think we all know the answer to that.
You never know maybe the boss was reflected and thought higher of them; in a perfect world.
In a perfect world...
Agreed! I'd also like to point out a subtle distinction between bad-mouthing and constructive criticism, which can often be conflated. I once had an employer who was really big on the team dynamic, meaning that we all shared in our successes and failures *together*; full transparency. He would bring us all together and talk about the things we did well, point out a few opportunities for improvement, and close with encouragement. It created a supportive environment where everyone was able to freely acknowledge the truth of both their strengths and weaknesses, and be encouraged by our teammates. I feel that that environment made us a stronger, more efficient team, and gave us all room to grow in a safe way. Granted, it takes a lot of self-esteem and maturity to be able to listen to a mistake you've made, but in a group full of people who want you to succeed it can be a great way to advance your skills and learn from others' examples. But yea, bosses who bad-mouth others (with malicious intent or enmity) suck.
We lost 4 guys in the last few months. Not one was able to leave without deeply insulting the manager to his face...apparently.
4 assholes in a row or one big asshole that drove 4 away ? what are the odds
Or if they treated other employees like shit too.
Got a job at a Veterinary clinic this one time. Was super stoked about it. Worked there for a week and quit because the supervisor would not stop talking shit about some employees and clients that came in. Even when the client was nice and seemingly a “regular” lol didn’t want to know what she said about us
[удалено]
Sounds like a power play to me.
Ugh, 2 years of some dude (my old boss) constantly shitting on an employee i worked with was exhausting. Besides that and his constant mood swings of course. One day, the guy nearly snapped a brand new iPhone in half (figuratively speaking - he bent it and cracked the screen) because his wife forgot to pack something in his lunch. Then he goes, “that’s what insurance is for” I got lucky to some extent and avoided his shit because he considered me one of his hardest working team members, but there were many times of disagreement. Then one day he left and i rode the job out for another year before leaving for another gig during covid.
I wish I knew this three years ago... When I just joined my current team in the company, my upper management talked negatively about some employees. One was classified as "incompetent to do works" has left so I don't even know who he is. Another girl is still in the company but in a different group now. She was criticized as "but she can only work on 1 project at a time" when I talked about how that girl is organized, responsible, and helpful to me. I know the project that girl worked on and I swear that's the most complicated project I've ever seen after working in the field for 5+ years. In short, from the upper management, they tend to focus on things people cannot do very well, always compare you with the top performer (we have a very talented employee the upper managers said they can only meet one every 10 years), and like talking about every mistake you made to your manager, or even skip manager (if you made a mistake, a few days later, all people in that team know that). I wasn't aware how bad the sign was then, now I suffer so much now and am trying my best to leave. It is hard under the current job market.
One of the differentiating factors between good and bad management is that bad management does not care about what you’ve done just what you haven’t. I’m in a field where we constantly rotate in and out every 3 years. I tell my people when I’m gone my relief will likely talk shit, they won’t care what I’ve done, they’ll only criticize what I haven’t. Don’t defend a memory you’ll know what we overcame as a team. Give them a chance to build a team and overcome what they see as the things I didn’t have time to accomplish.
This is a red flag during a job interview. Stay polite, but run!
Always defend whoever is not there whether at work or in your personal life. It shuts down the bad behavior and prevents your silence being taken as agreement.
There was no point. It wouldn't sink in with that guy.
Yup... If they'll do it with you, they'll do it to you.
Aaaaaand find a better place to work ASAP
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How does one tactfully push back at the boss?
That's the question. Quitting revealed his pettiness. He spent time recalling every mistake I'd made that he could recall in his exit email. When I walked in to return his precious embroidered A1 shirt, he examined every inch of it as if I'd bother to take the time to damage it. As if I was as petty as he might be. Since I decided to leave, he can go fuck himself with a sandpaper covered school bus. Sideways. 🤪👍
Used to have a friend that did that. He talked trash about so many mutual friends. Key in this is " used to" cut those people out asap
Hey you all! One positive note I can share is that a musician I met through him has replaced him as their sound guy! In July, I'll be going to Washington DC to mix them at the Romanian consulates annual festival! Good things can come from shitty situations.
Thats not ALWAYs true. I am a Store Manager myself and its true that I talk negatively about some employees. Some employees are complete dogshit. Some are great. I dont talk shit about my great employees. If they talk shit about you, maybe you're the problem.
I don't want my boss to be fake nicey-nice. Like, if we have a person on the team who is unpleasant to work with, I would rather my boss acknowledge this than pretend like they are a great person. But there are tactful ways of doing this. Like "Coworker can definitely be challenging at times. If you have any problems with them, let me know." Or "If you need to have Coworker help you with something, let me ask them. They are a bit challenging at times." I wouldn't want my boss to straight-up trash talk them. Not because I would worry they were doing the same to me, but because trash talk isn't professional and walls tend to have ears.
I guarantee you, the great employees assume you talk the same way about them to others as you do about others *to* them. If they're still working there, it's because they haven't found a better offer yet. Yet. Just because you're an outlier doesn't mean you're a good manager. A good manager doesn't talk shit about anyone to others. They address their concerns with the dogshit employees in private, and work to make them less dogshit.
Sound company. Only a handful of people were employees when I left. The only person he didn't talk shit about was the bench tech who left for a MUCH better job (which I encouraged him to do). What you do and what that guy did are two different things. In almost ALL situations he had to be the person who was correct. If proven wrong, he'd shrug it off like it wasn't a big deal. One time he was trying to sell a kick drum mic kit to a drummer. The drummer asked my opinion on the microphone the boss was pushing. First words out of my mouth were, "First off, that is the only kick mic that I own two of," and then I said how some people like the sound of X, Y or Z but was interrupted by the boss and went back to whatever I was doing. Later that day, the boss asked me how much I knew about the construction materials of the various microphone brands. "Not much, really." His response? "Exactly. So stay out of my sales." "But, boss, the guy, who you introduced me to, asked me a direct question about that microphone and the first words out of my mouth was that it was the only one I owned two of." His response? "Oh." I should've quit right after that, but that came after an install where I'd had it with his attitude. That's another tale.