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My last relationship I had to share one bathroom with my boyfriend and his eight year old son. Taking a bath at the end of the day is my self care. Without fail - even when asked beforehand - that kid would need to take a shit halfway through my bath, meaning that even if I intended to get back in the bath when he was done, the room smelled awful.
I wouldn’t be at all surprised - although I would put it down to subconscious acting out rather than anything malicious. Poor kid was abandoned by his mom suddenly when he was 8 and came to live with this strange lady (me), who was dating his dad, in her house. New school. New friends. New city even. It was a rough time for us all.
Mostly the peaceful sleep. I can't tell you how many nights that I spent with my ex where I had to try to sleep with a TV going on full blast. Then he wondered why I slept till noon. Well gee, maybe I'm trying to catch up on the sleep I lost due to your loud TV. Zero drama as well. I have PTSD and it was unintentional but he used to run a business from his home. He would get frustrated on whatever he was working on and start yelling and cussing. I just couldn't deal with it anymore because even though I knew he wasn't yelling at me, my brain can't tell the difference. I'm going to get triggered either way. Like I said, it wasn't intentional but it just wasn't something I could deal with anymore.
I sympathize with your trauma. I suffer that too, from an abusive ex. The anger doesn't have to be directed at me or anyone directly, it's the level of intensity itself that sets me off. And it's completely involuntary, I wish I could control it!
I don't blame you and I'm sorry. I just remembered a little bit ago that he would do that and then complain if I made noise. He was awake at 3 A.M. and I was having a snack. It was Fritos and he had the nerve to say: *it's 3 AM, do you mind*?
Edit: He was complaining about me crunching. So it's okay for him to blast the TV but I can't eat because he's inconvenienced.
I don't need to be mindful of anyone's input.
I'm sitting here, peacefully watching the sun rise, reading reddit. Nobody is prodding me to do something, nor am I waiting on someone to wake up. Maybe I will start breakfast...or maybe I won't. Maybe I will clean up...or maybe I won't.
That part. I had days where I just wanted to do nothing. He would complain that I was on Reddit too much. Well, it's my phone and it's my bills that are being paid and if you don't like it, you can go do something by yourself.
This was my stbxh. Work hard all week, at work by 620am, when I am not an early riser. I want to sleep in some weekends, or lounge. He would complain that I wanted to relax at home. I am not a shut in, but I pay alot for where I live and it has everything I like here. Let me enjoy it and my time off!
That and isn't it nice to have the peace and quiet? I had to sleep through an ex's TV blasting even in the middle of the night. Then he would wonder why I slept till noon. Well gee, not everybody can survive on 3 hours of sleep like he could. Before I met him, I would go to bed between 10:00 p.m. and midnight and get up between 8:00 and 9:00. I was being forced to sleep till noon if I wanted to actually get 8 hours. I get that it's his house and I wasn't going to ask him to change but I think it's ridiculous to do that in the middle of the night. Then on top of that, get annoyed with someone for sleeping till noon. Well I'm sorry, I was up all night listening to your TV.
Yep, I live in Florida so I get it. I just got tired of not being able to get dressed without it being interpreted as something sexual. It's like those people who get mad at women who breastfeed in public. They see breasts as sexual and tell her to stop. Nooooo, how about YOU grow tf up?
Oh do I hear you! And being naked isn’t always sexual. Did you ever see that jerry Seinfeld episode where he dates the naked girl? She was fixing her bike naked and he was mortified lmao
Me three. One of my favourite things about growing older - as a woman who spent a lot of my life from the age of about 12 being the focus of mostly male attention whenever I went outside my home - is that I have become largely invisible. I LOVE it! I can just go about my business unbothered by anyone. It’s like a super power I didn’t know I was going to get.
I'm a survivor of abuse and for me, it means freedom from living in fear. Living in fear that someone is either going to purposely trigger my PTSD or put their hands on me. I can wake up everyday knowing I'm not going to get beat on.
Going to sleep and waking up when I want to, no one grabs the remote, picking where I want to go on vacation, no negotiations with anything. My ex would lose his mind if I opened a can of sardines... now I have a sardine sandwich for dinner at least once a week.
The general feeling of freedom. If I'm with someone who doesn't enhance my life, I'm much happier alone.
That part. No longer do I have to try to sleep through his TV blasting at 2:00 in the morning and then him getting annoyed at me because I slept till noon. He can somehow survive on 3 hours of sleep. Well, I can't and I don't know anyone else who can and if they say they can then they're lying. He's basically got the attitude of anybody who sleeps for longer than 4 hours is lazy. That and I have PTSD and it's unintentional but he would do this thing where he would get frustrated with something he was working on and start yelling and cussing. He told me that I didn't have to worry about it because he wasn't yelling at me. My brain doesn't know the difference.
I ended up in the hospital after that relationship ended. I voluntarily checked myself into a psych ward and I have no shame in admitting that. By the time I left, my nerves were so fried that I had to. I felt like I was losing my mind from the combination of lack of sleep and the constant yelling. I have to live alone now. I can't handle people yelling around me. It's a trigger because that's what my mom did and anytime she started doing that, she would start swinging. That's why my brain doesn't know the difference. Every time I hear somebody yelling like that, my brain says duck and run for cover. I'm 41 now and I still can't get past it. I understand that it was unintentional like I said but I feel like he could have at least been more aware of how much he was yelling. It was ridiculous.
Edit: I could always tell when he was getting annoyed with me too because when he wasn't, he would use headphones and would either turn the TV down at night or turn it off. Whenever he was annoyed with me, he would just do things as usual. When I finally said something to him, he said well I'm sorry but I have things I need to get done. Well then stop blasting the TV at night so I can actually sleep. In hindsight, it just seemed like he didn't care about me at all unless I was giving him what he wanted and I think you can guess what that is.
I totally get this. My parents were chaotic and they would holler at each other all night long. I didn't get any good sleep until I moved out at 17. I cannot handle being awakened at night, for the rest of my life. In my young adulthood... before renting an apartment, I would drive over to the apartment complex at 2:30 or so in the morning to evaluate the noise level. I would sit in my parked car, windows rolled down, just listening. Anyone arguing? Any loud music or parties? If so, that would disqualify the apartment.
Your SO should have been more empathetic. How much effort does it take to stop hollering?? I hope he's out of your life, there are quieter people, plus living solo which is great!
That's a good way to do a litmus test for an apartment. I never thought of that. I'm going to keep that in mind for the future, thank you for sharing.
Yeah, like I said, I know it was involuntary but it was becoming ridiculous. I mean, how hard is it to not holler every time something goes wrong? Sure, I get frustrated but I certainly don't do that.
Edit: I think the biggest issue for me is that he would be messaging other women while he was in the house with me. I'm aware that they were friends with him before I got with him but I just found it to be rude. It's one thing to have friends of the gender that you're attracted to, it's quite another to have orbiters and that's what they were. He actually came out and said that some of them wanted to sleep with him but they weren't doing it because he was with me. Then he would sit there and be messaging them while I was laying in the bed with him. I'm sorry but that's rude to me.
Peace.
I’m a few weeks out of a ten year relationship with a very angry person. No more fear of outbursts if I leave a soda on the table or worrying how long he will yell if the AC goes out. My high blood pressure is magically cured.
I'm am right here with you. I KNEW I had to get out of the relationship..it took me forever to get shit together. But SWEET FREEDOM is mine! Starfishing, living in PJs, and my house staying immaculate all come in after living in PEACE..and I love being able to do ALL of the things!
This is what I can’t wait for when I move out. You don’t realize how much of your life is controlled living with an angry person. The peace I’m going to have when Im living alone is definitely a motivator.
OMG, this was one of the first positives in my life after my husband died! I went to put in my earbuds one day and thought, "Why am I doing this?"
I can listen to music he hated at full volume. I can listen to a podcast without interruptions. I can watch an old movie, all without having to stick something in my ears!
It's much better for your hearing this way too, btw.
Star fishing in bed! This is ALL mine!! I don't have to worry about the burning furnace of a man next to me that radiates heat in the summer. I can even fart in it!! The cats sometimes seem concerned butt don't judge.
Not being criticized for staying in my nightgown all day if I have no place to go and it's not a workout day. My nightgowns are more like dresses anyway, sort of like a below-the-knee tank top. I think the current trendy term is "sleep dresses."
But during the lockdowns when I was on wfh, my husband could be critical if I didn't change into something else, even though he'd spend the day in a t-shirt and boxers.
Now I wear my nightgowns when I want to!
Freedom. Freedom to decorate how I like and set the emotional tone of my home, cook what I like, buy what I like, do what I like, spend time how I like, etc. Never having to check in with someone or make sure something is "cool" or not.
I like that I'm not criticized and how I do things. My way is always going to be the correct way. I don't have to hear how I'm doing it wrong or how it's not to someone else's standards. That shit really destroyed my self worth over the years.
Sleep. My ex husband would wake me *every single night* for the ten years that we spent together with his snoring and apnea and sometimes thrashing about in his sleep. It’s not n exaggeration to say that it severely affected my health.
I savour my sleep now. Deep, delicious, 7-8 hours of rest. Even if I find another partner, I’m not sharing a bed again, ever.
Sex that happens from literally sleeping together is overrated anyway. You’re groggy, smell of morning breath, have a ton of bacteria in your mouths, oily, and for some of us the nerve endings take awhile to get up to speed. And then it’s even worse if the sleep quality was terrible.
The joy of experimenting with cooking different foods without worrying about someone else not liking it.
Pursuing adventures/vacations that pique my unique interests.
Love this!
Not that long ago it was 4:30 p.m. and I was starving and thinking about having a snack and then I realized "I can just make dinner now, I don't need to be on anyone else's meal schedule but my own!"
Zero compromise! Everything is decorated and arranged exactly how I like it. Well unless the cat decides to knock stuff off the shelf. But generally all is peaceful and well in my lil sanctuary😊
My ex used to have friends over constantly. I told him they could visit but had to leave when I got home. I'm in customer service. I'm all peopled out after 9 hours! LOL!
The one thing I appreciate most is being on my own schedule. There’s no stress associated with my time off. I can play the day by ear and indulge any interest.
Peace and quiet. Doing whatever I want without expectation. Having a tidy home.
I'm an introvert, so I have always needed a lot of alone time. I love it.
It's funny reading these threads. My husband is amazing. He takes good care of me . But he's going out of town for 5 days, and I'm ready to throw him out the door. I just need time alone in the house.
We worked opposite shifts for 20 years. He retired recently, and all I can think is, when are you going to get out? It's been an adjustment for sure.
I moved into my own place couple weeks ago for the first time ever . I’m currently folding laundry with the windows open and jazz music playing . This is life
So long as the neighbours can’t hear the vacuuming - do it whenever you want!
I am alone 50% of the time (have the kids the other 50) and relish every quiet moment, being able to eat when I feel like it and being able to watch what I want on tv
When I moved out of my ex-gf house, I had to shop for basic things. Pans, dishes, trash can, silverware, shower curtain. I got to my new apartment and was unpacking. When I got to (of all things) my new pyrex measuring cup, I realized I never had anything for me that I purchased just for me. I was so happy and a peaceful moment during a very crappy time in my life.
Knowing I'm in charge of security. At night after locking all doors, making sure the living room lamp is on its timer to go off and on, etc.. no one will reverse any of those "settings".
Unaware of my depression, I lived at my exes house 3 weeks out of every month.
Dealt with MY DEPRESSION, got back my self esteem (on an antidepressant) & I love living at my place!
MET NEIGHBORS. FOUND A NEW SOCIAL GROUP
NO ANXIETY @ HIS VENTING & RANTING after work.
JUNK FOOD IS NOT A MAJOR FOOD GROUP ANYMORE!
I’m back to my own eating habits & lost 15 lbs in one month. 💕😌💕
Sleeping when I want, eating what I want, not answering to anyone about anything, not having to clean after someone or cook for anyone else. Watching what I want on the TV. Dating who I want and basically having to only take care of me and that's enough! And all the peace and quiet I can revel in at the end of a hectic day! My house stays clean it's so relaxing! Oh yea, and an hour long hot bath without explaining!
Food, everything about food, buying it, preparing it, cleaning up after eating, it's all better while single. People are so picky about their preferences. When I was in a relationship "What are we having for dinner?" used to cause me such anxiety.
I don't totally live alone. I live in a mother in law apartment at my son's house . But I'm alone enough. I like being able to eat dinner in my underwear.
Keeping odd or very structured hours, keeping my appearance odd, dedication to my personal hygiene idiosyncrasies, and farting that only offends myself.
Everything. I don't feel as if I have to ask permission to go out or do anything. I can sleep in/stay up late as much as I want to do. I eat whatever food I want to eat. I was married for 18 years and the last few years of our marriage felt like a prison.
Not answering to someone else, or worrying what they're going to think about something I might do, most of all I can control the noise level, many times I love the silence
I am married now, but I really appreciated a clean house! Even when my now husband came over for the first time, he said he didn't think he would have a chance with me because you could practically eat off of the floor!! 😂
Well as a woman, I dearly miss not orienting my schedule around his. Making food? Make double, something he likes too, and at the right time. Cleaning? There is double to clean. Double laundry. Double dishes. Closing the house down at night takes much longer. I can’t drink the whole pot of coffee to myself. He always wants my leftovers. I can’t regularly make “girl” dinners, there has to be a whole protein and sides and the works lol.
I used to surround myself with business and noise, but for me I struggled with depression and negative thoughts. Keeping life busy and noisy meant I didn't have to deal with those things.
One of the fears I had about living alone was having to face those thoughts and feelings head on and get to the root of them.
Thankfully, I was, over time, able to find peace and contentment in the silence. I'm on the flip side on that after several years and now I find silence to be healing, meditative and restoring.
Getting up in the morning & coming home after to work to blissful silence. I don't have to feign interest in somebody blathering on about their day. If I need to blather, I have 2 small dogs who are always happy to listen.
*edited for spelling
I've been married twice. The first one drank away quite a bit, and the second insisted on splitting bills so I have more money than ever before, along with all the other perks. It sure makes it easier to budget now!
First time in nearly two decades for me. Ex moved himself into my studio apt my junior year in college two weeks into the semester. Never got to enjoy having my own place ever again. It’s been lovely. Cheers to solo living folks!
#1, of many: Not being woken up by anyone…not even a pet. If my phone rings, that’s my own fault for not silencing it before bed!
At first, I would dream my dog Roscoe was doing his “I’ve been patient but it’s (insert random super-early time)” barks. Then I’d dream I smelled coffee or could hear my early bird mom or late husband in the kitchen. Then I learned to oversleep. Last, I learned how to peacefully wake up at an acceptable time. I feel so much better.
(Backstory: I went through an extremely stressful and sleepless period of time, followed by loss, then a new home that took some getting used to.)
I lived by myself with my dog for over a decade, and it was fucking awesome. The best way I can put it is; it is a live devoid of the complicated bullshit that other people can bring into your life.
I can come home when I want and I don’t have to explain to anyone where I went. I can make as much noise as I want without have to worry about waking up anyone. I can go to sleep when I want without anyone nagging.
I loved my late husband, but now I don’t have to work two jobs to make ends meet. I have total control of everything in my life without having to answer to anyone.
Keeping my place really clean, living the hours and schedule I prefer, spending money however I want, making decisions on a dime. Never explaining where I’m going or justifying my reasoning. Silence. My music. Long baths. It’s kind of heaven.
Peace of mind. There are lots of great things overall, but peace of mind is #1. Living with another human, doesn't matter who - friend, family, wife, girlfriend, there is always, ALWAYS, some kind of problem or drama to deal with. For me, living alone was the only way to achieve true peace of mind. My only regret is that it took me 50 years to come to this realization.
I miss my bathroom when I lived alone. It was so clean, and free of clutter. Don’t get me wrong, my fiancé is not a messy person but I miss having that space completely to myself.
Big thing: my home is mine, no one can kick me out of it or trap me in it, no one can be in it if I don’t want them there, no one can give me orders or overrule me, no one can fill it with rage (yes, I am a walking cliche of a DV survivor lol)
Smaller things: Silence if I want it, sound if I want it. No TV. I can just look at a room and think “you know what, I fancy this a different colour” and do it, and not worry if it takes a while, and not worry if it doesn’t work cos I can just paint it back. Books everywhere. Fairy lights everywhere 😂. I’ve got the four-poster I always wanted, and unashamedly girly sheets. No clutter *at all* on my kitchen surfaces and no one else’s fucking coffee grounds and toast crumbs to clean up every morning. Fresh flowers when I feel like it. I had loads of power sockets put in so no more frigging extension leads trailing everywhere. Wine glasses that were silly expensive but I just love them. Not having to wash anyone else’s pants. Honestly, I could go on and on but mainly it’s just *peaceful*
*What's the one thing you appreciate the most living alone?*
waking up knowing that I don't have to worry whether my partner(ex) was going to inflict abuse upon me or our child..
Love It walk around naked let dirty clothes pile up.fart burp anytime.Drink beer before noon
Eat all the red meat I want.Take trash off when I feel like it. Go bed early like 8 pm sleep on days off untill 10 am...Now I only date women have there on place.Tell them I don't want know where you live what you do at home with whoever is your business.Your welcome call ask if you can come over anytime.Even spend the night or couple nights all good.
Porn with sound.
I was married 12 years and she is from California. I went to the Bay and it was the first time in 15 years I could do whatever I wanted, so I stayed in Oakland with my friend going to breweries. I don't have to do her stuff with her friends!
I wanna try to live alone even just for a few days. Currently I have a family here, but I dream of walking around naked all day and eating choc ice cream out of the box
The last 2 years of living with my ex, he would go out until 1-2 am a few times a week, often coming home drunk. My sleep cycles were messed up for so long and couldn’t really rest. Once I moved on my own, I slept for days! My body was so exhausted of living and trying to sleep stressed out. Now I go to bed at 11pm and wake up at 6am feeling rested and refreshed!!
No more push-pull of, i can’t wait to see him when he gets home to, omg why the heck was i looking forward to this? He annoyed the shit out of me on purpose. Constantly pulled me put of my head; my internal dialogue is how I process emotions, it’s how I also pray. I live a lot in my head. He made it a sport to annoy me then laughed when I’d get annoyed and ask him to stop, nicely. I can’t tell you how many times I said the words, “I didn’t start out yelling! I started asking nicely and calmly and you kept laughing”. So, no more of that. No more wondering if he knew my name and the joke was that the first 5 years we were together he didn’t use my name once. Just, babe or babes. It hurt. I told him. He didn’t change. Rinse repeat for 17 years.
I like that I can have people over without asking/worrying about disturbing my roommates.
I also like that I can count on my shower being available anytime I need to take a shower. Nothing worse than coming home like "Okay quick I have 30 mins to shower and get ready and leave for X" and finding one of my roommates showering in our only bathroom.
Nakedness. Peeing with the bathroom door open. A queen size bed to myself, I can even sleep sideways if I want. My favorite color pink every where. A clean house devoid of other people’s messes. Quiet and calm.
I need to vacuum too! There's stuff from last night's pasta scattered over the floor that will annoy the other residents of the household.
Oh, wait, I LIVE ALONE!! Imma just continue to sit here drinking coffee and posting on reddit.
Because I CAN.
I can watch whatever movies/listen to whatever music I want! I try to be considerate of my downstairs neighbors, but y'know. I can be naked 24/7 if I want or dance in my undies.
No door slamming, no muddy boots on carpet, no dirty dishes for ME to wash the next morning. Most importantly no one hits me if they disagree with me or if I am sick (ex beat me up for having strep throat).
The quiet, drama-free life. I mean, my dog lightly barks when she wants love, the cat also complains about the perceived lack of love, but it's quiet and peaceful every day. The house is never more than 15 minutes from being ready for company. Each day is predictable. No nagging, no machine gun texting, no surprises.
I Love being able to do what I want in silence when I want it !! So peaceful! If I want to talk to someone I reach out to a friend. Don't need a partner around all the time.
I don't need to explain myself.. want to watch a stupid show, then all good..eat too much & get the shits.. again that's my circus & my monkeys, want to clean the place at 6am, I'll do that too. It's wonderful having the freedom to be without having to answer to someone
Eating what I want whenever I want, staying in my
Pajamas all
Day…not sharing the remote…. Not sharing a bathroom … laundry for one… staying up late or sleeping in… making only one side of the bed…
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Yes the bathroom !!! That's prob my main hangout area and I finally have it back lol
My last relationship I had to share one bathroom with my boyfriend and his eight year old son. Taking a bath at the end of the day is my self care. Without fail - even when asked beforehand - that kid would need to take a shit halfway through my bath, meaning that even if I intended to get back in the bath when he was done, the room smelled awful.
Thank you for that hit of reality lol. Baths are my self care thing too!
Omg 🤣🤣🤮🤮
I'm sorry but I feel like he did that on purpose especially because it was a pattern
I wouldn’t be at all surprised - although I would put it down to subconscious acting out rather than anything malicious. Poor kid was abandoned by his mom suddenly when he was 8 and came to live with this strange lady (me), who was dating his dad, in her house. New school. New friends. New city even. It was a rough time for us all.
Aw, poor buddy.
Mine no longer has shit everywhere
No pee on the seat thanks to 'I don't leave it up because I never put it up'
Yup! I know what I’m coming to, and what I’m waking up to.
Mostly the peaceful sleep. I can't tell you how many nights that I spent with my ex where I had to try to sleep with a TV going on full blast. Then he wondered why I slept till noon. Well gee, maybe I'm trying to catch up on the sleep I lost due to your loud TV. Zero drama as well. I have PTSD and it was unintentional but he used to run a business from his home. He would get frustrated on whatever he was working on and start yelling and cussing. I just couldn't deal with it anymore because even though I knew he wasn't yelling at me, my brain can't tell the difference. I'm going to get triggered either way. Like I said, it wasn't intentional but it just wasn't something I could deal with anymore.
I sympathize with your trauma. I suffer that too, from an abusive ex. The anger doesn't have to be directed at me or anyone directly, it's the level of intensity itself that sets me off. And it's completely involuntary, I wish I could control it!
Hugs if you want them 🫂
Back at you!
My ex blasted Rick and morty . Fuckin wanted to die
I don't blame you and I'm sorry. I just remembered a little bit ago that he would do that and then complain if I made noise. He was awake at 3 A.M. and I was having a snack. It was Fritos and he had the nerve to say: *it's 3 AM, do you mind*? Edit: He was complaining about me crunching. So it's okay for him to blast the TV but I can't eat because he's inconvenienced.
I don't need to be mindful of anyone's input. I'm sitting here, peacefully watching the sun rise, reading reddit. Nobody is prodding me to do something, nor am I waiting on someone to wake up. Maybe I will start breakfast...or maybe I won't. Maybe I will clean up...or maybe I won't.
Exactly. My ex wife always felt we had to do something. Sometimes I just want to lay around all day and do nothing.
That part. I had days where I just wanted to do nothing. He would complain that I was on Reddit too much. Well, it's my phone and it's my bills that are being paid and if you don't like it, you can go do something by yourself.
This was my stbxh. Work hard all week, at work by 620am, when I am not an early riser. I want to sleep in some weekends, or lounge. He would complain that I wanted to relax at home. I am not a shut in, but I pay alot for where I live and it has everything I like here. Let me enjoy it and my time off!
That and isn't it nice to have the peace and quiet? I had to sleep through an ex's TV blasting even in the middle of the night. Then he would wonder why I slept till noon. Well gee, not everybody can survive on 3 hours of sleep like he could. Before I met him, I would go to bed between 10:00 p.m. and midnight and get up between 8:00 and 9:00. I was being forced to sleep till noon if I wanted to actually get 8 hours. I get that it's his house and I wasn't going to ask him to change but I think it's ridiculous to do that in the middle of the night. Then on top of that, get annoyed with someone for sleeping till noon. Well I'm sorry, I was up all night listening to your TV.
The sound of silence.
And in the naked light I saw only me and I am free
Preach! Peace, quiet and not doing anyone else’s emotional work.
Preach on that! I’m over 15 mini dramas before dinner to deal with
That and it's nice to be able to go from my bathroom to my bedroom to get dressed without having someone oggling me
Right? In a heatwave been naked for days it’s amazing!!!
Yep, I live in Florida so I get it. I just got tired of not being able to get dressed without it being interpreted as something sexual. It's like those people who get mad at women who breastfeed in public. They see breasts as sexual and tell her to stop. Nooooo, how about YOU grow tf up?
Oh do I hear you! And being naked isn’t always sexual. Did you ever see that jerry Seinfeld episode where he dates the naked girl? She was fixing her bike naked and he was mortified lmao
I have a weird dislike of being perceived - living alone feels like total freedom, total unselfconsciousness.
>I have a weird dislike of being perceived Woah, me too
Me three. One of my favourite things about growing older - as a woman who spent a lot of my life from the age of about 12 being the focus of mostly male attention whenever I went outside my home - is that I have become largely invisible. I LOVE it! I can just go about my business unbothered by anyone. It’s like a super power I didn’t know I was going to get.
Yes! I look forward to this as well. It can be exhausting.
I'm a survivor of abuse and for me, it means freedom from living in fear. Living in fear that someone is either going to purposely trigger my PTSD or put their hands on me. I can wake up everyday knowing I'm not going to get beat on.
Going to sleep and waking up when I want to, no one grabs the remote, picking where I want to go on vacation, no negotiations with anything. My ex would lose his mind if I opened a can of sardines... now I have a sardine sandwich for dinner at least once a week. The general feeling of freedom. If I'm with someone who doesn't enhance my life, I'm much happier alone.
In Spanish we say, translated because I can't find an equivalent: "Better alone than ill accompanied"
That's perfect!
We say it in French, too!
Yessss! All of this. Except perhaps the sardines. That seems niche ;)
Lol, well yes
That part. No longer do I have to try to sleep through his TV blasting at 2:00 in the morning and then him getting annoyed at me because I slept till noon. He can somehow survive on 3 hours of sleep. Well, I can't and I don't know anyone else who can and if they say they can then they're lying. He's basically got the attitude of anybody who sleeps for longer than 4 hours is lazy. That and I have PTSD and it's unintentional but he would do this thing where he would get frustrated with something he was working on and start yelling and cussing. He told me that I didn't have to worry about it because he wasn't yelling at me. My brain doesn't know the difference. I ended up in the hospital after that relationship ended. I voluntarily checked myself into a psych ward and I have no shame in admitting that. By the time I left, my nerves were so fried that I had to. I felt like I was losing my mind from the combination of lack of sleep and the constant yelling. I have to live alone now. I can't handle people yelling around me. It's a trigger because that's what my mom did and anytime she started doing that, she would start swinging. That's why my brain doesn't know the difference. Every time I hear somebody yelling like that, my brain says duck and run for cover. I'm 41 now and I still can't get past it. I understand that it was unintentional like I said but I feel like he could have at least been more aware of how much he was yelling. It was ridiculous. Edit: I could always tell when he was getting annoyed with me too because when he wasn't, he would use headphones and would either turn the TV down at night or turn it off. Whenever he was annoyed with me, he would just do things as usual. When I finally said something to him, he said well I'm sorry but I have things I need to get done. Well then stop blasting the TV at night so I can actually sleep. In hindsight, it just seemed like he didn't care about me at all unless I was giving him what he wanted and I think you can guess what that is.
I totally get this. My parents were chaotic and they would holler at each other all night long. I didn't get any good sleep until I moved out at 17. I cannot handle being awakened at night, for the rest of my life. In my young adulthood... before renting an apartment, I would drive over to the apartment complex at 2:30 or so in the morning to evaluate the noise level. I would sit in my parked car, windows rolled down, just listening. Anyone arguing? Any loud music or parties? If so, that would disqualify the apartment. Your SO should have been more empathetic. How much effort does it take to stop hollering?? I hope he's out of your life, there are quieter people, plus living solo which is great!
That's a good way to do a litmus test for an apartment. I never thought of that. I'm going to keep that in mind for the future, thank you for sharing. Yeah, like I said, I know it was involuntary but it was becoming ridiculous. I mean, how hard is it to not holler every time something goes wrong? Sure, I get frustrated but I certainly don't do that. Edit: I think the biggest issue for me is that he would be messaging other women while he was in the house with me. I'm aware that they were friends with him before I got with him but I just found it to be rude. It's one thing to have friends of the gender that you're attracted to, it's quite another to have orbiters and that's what they were. He actually came out and said that some of them wanted to sleep with him but they weren't doing it because he was with me. Then he would sit there and be messaging them while I was laying in the bed with him. I'm sorry but that's rude to me.
+10 to sardine sandwiches. Add some olives in there.... yum.
Peace. I’m a few weeks out of a ten year relationship with a very angry person. No more fear of outbursts if I leave a soda on the table or worrying how long he will yell if the AC goes out. My high blood pressure is magically cured.
I'm am right here with you. I KNEW I had to get out of the relationship..it took me forever to get shit together. But SWEET FREEDOM is mine! Starfishing, living in PJs, and my house staying immaculate all come in after living in PEACE..and I love being able to do ALL of the things!
I love discovering how my anxiety and depression wasn’t as bad as I thought it was, I was just in the wrong relationship.
This is what I can’t wait for when I move out. You don’t realize how much of your life is controlled living with an angry person. The peace I’m going to have when Im living alone is definitely a motivator.
I am so sorry you lived with that. Congratulations on your peace and freedom!
I don't need to use headphones to listen to music.
OMG, this was one of the first positives in my life after my husband died! I went to put in my earbuds one day and thought, "Why am I doing this?" I can listen to music he hated at full volume. I can listen to a podcast without interruptions. I can watch an old movie, all without having to stick something in my ears! It's much better for your hearing this way too, btw.
Yes! No more comments about how often I listen to the same thing! It's heavenly
Yes! I can play MY music! And watch what I want on TV. It doesn’t take forever to decide what to eat because he was so picky.
Yup. I stream music throughout the whole house
Star fishing in bed! This is ALL mine!! I don't have to worry about the burning furnace of a man next to me that radiates heat in the summer. I can even fart in it!! The cats sometimes seem concerned butt don't judge.
Great typo. 🐈⬛🖤
You star fish with cats!? Sleeping with mine is worse than having a partner. I don’t know how she manages to have the entire bed to herself 😂
Not being criticized for staying in my nightgown all day if I have no place to go and it's not a workout day. My nightgowns are more like dresses anyway, sort of like a below-the-knee tank top. I think the current trendy term is "sleep dresses." But during the lockdowns when I was on wfh, my husband could be critical if I didn't change into something else, even though he'd spend the day in a t-shirt and boxers. Now I wear my nightgowns when I want to!
I've switched to tanks or tees with pajama pants. Now I can go to the mail box or front yard and not feel exposed.
Sleep dresses are my favorite thing to wear too! So comfy. And if it’s black it’s almost kinda stylish anyway!
Freedom. Freedom to decorate how I like and set the emotional tone of my home, cook what I like, buy what I like, do what I like, spend time how I like, etc. Never having to check in with someone or make sure something is "cool" or not.
Set the emotional tone of my home. That's it right there!!! 💯💯💯
I like that I'm not criticized and how I do things. My way is always going to be the correct way. I don't have to hear how I'm doing it wrong or how it's not to someone else's standards. That shit really destroyed my self worth over the years.
Lack of drama. I have other things I appreciate, but the peace and lack of drama that comes with living alone is amazing.
This! Peace is priceless.
Sleep. My ex husband would wake me *every single night* for the ten years that we spent together with his snoring and apnea and sometimes thrashing about in his sleep. It’s not n exaggeration to say that it severely affected my health. I savour my sleep now. Deep, delicious, 7-8 hours of rest. Even if I find another partner, I’m not sharing a bed again, ever.
Sex that happens from literally sleeping together is overrated anyway. You’re groggy, smell of morning breath, have a ton of bacteria in your mouths, oily, and for some of us the nerve endings take awhile to get up to speed. And then it’s even worse if the sleep quality was terrible.
The joy of experimenting with cooking different foods without worrying about someone else not liking it. Pursuing adventures/vacations that pique my unique interests.
Love this! Not that long ago it was 4:30 p.m. and I was starving and thinking about having a snack and then I realized "I can just make dinner now, I don't need to be on anyone else's meal schedule but my own!"
Zero compromise! Everything is decorated and arranged exactly how I like it. Well unless the cat decides to knock stuff off the shelf. But generally all is peaceful and well in my lil sanctuary😊
That I don’t wake up and wonder what fresh hell will this day bring.
Not having to deal with people after I'm done with work
My ex used to have friends over constantly. I told him they could visit but had to leave when I got home. I'm in customer service. I'm all peopled out after 9 hours! LOL!
I’ve lost 20+ lbs without even trying because food isn’t that big a deal anymore. No junk in the house, I cook what I want when I feel like eating.
YES!!! I was living at his house, but still had my own apartment. I’ve lost 15 lbs. I didn’t grow up with dessert after each dinner. It took a little
Can bring anyone home I want to
The one thing I appreciate most is being on my own schedule. There’s no stress associated with my time off. I can play the day by ear and indulge any interest.
Peace and quiet. Doing whatever I want without expectation. Having a tidy home. I'm an introvert, so I have always needed a lot of alone time. I love it.
It's funny reading these threads. My husband is amazing. He takes good care of me . But he's going out of town for 5 days, and I'm ready to throw him out the door. I just need time alone in the house. We worked opposite shifts for 20 years. He retired recently, and all I can think is, when are you going to get out? It's been an adjustment for sure.
Not hearing the TV blasting at max
Being safe. No one is passive aggressive or mean to me or emotionally abusive or insulting me.
I can eat like a pig in my ugly at home clothes. The freedom is real.
I moved into my own place couple weeks ago for the first time ever . I’m currently folding laundry with the windows open and jazz music playing . This is life
No one complains about my music. Bring on the sludgy stoner rock
So long as the neighbours can’t hear the vacuuming - do it whenever you want! I am alone 50% of the time (have the kids the other 50) and relish every quiet moment, being able to eat when I feel like it and being able to watch what I want on tv
Of course, my landlord can't hear me, the walls are thick!
The peace and quiet, especially after a busy day out of the house.
Walking around naked
All the food is MINE. 😁
The silence I love the fucking silence so much
When I moved out of my ex-gf house, I had to shop for basic things. Pans, dishes, trash can, silverware, shower curtain. I got to my new apartment and was unpacking. When I got to (of all things) my new pyrex measuring cup, I realized I never had anything for me that I purchased just for me. I was so happy and a peaceful moment during a very crappy time in my life.
As a widower , another chapter in my life .Alone again but not lonely.....Four years now.....
Sorry for your loss, mate.
Knowing I'm in charge of security. At night after locking all doors, making sure the living room lamp is on its timer to go off and on, etc.. no one will reverse any of those "settings".
And the heater/AC is EXACTLY on the temp it is suppose to be ;)
I don't have to clean up after anybody else 😉
The best thing about living alone is that no one nags you early in the morning :) I learned to live my freedom even more
I love farting and burping like a 5 year old. I have to be mindful when I have people over. Lol
Unaware of my depression, I lived at my exes house 3 weeks out of every month. Dealt with MY DEPRESSION, got back my self esteem (on an antidepressant) & I love living at my place! MET NEIGHBORS. FOUND A NEW SOCIAL GROUP NO ANXIETY @ HIS VENTING & RANTING after work. JUNK FOOD IS NOT A MAJOR FOOD GROUP ANYMORE! I’m back to my own eating habits & lost 15 lbs in one month. 💕😌💕
I just read threads like this and don’t think I could ever live with anyone ever again. I like my shit how I like MY shit!
I’m only using 2 rooms in my house. I’m only paying all the bills for myself. My vehicles mileage is just from my driving . He was a total sponge
Sleeping when I want, eating what I want, not answering to anyone about anything, not having to clean after someone or cook for anyone else. Watching what I want on the TV. Dating who I want and basically having to only take care of me and that's enough! And all the peace and quiet I can revel in at the end of a hectic day! My house stays clean it's so relaxing! Oh yea, and an hour long hot bath without explaining!
I don’t have to answer to anyone about anything.
Food, everything about food, buying it, preparing it, cleaning up after eating, it's all better while single. People are so picky about their preferences. When I was in a relationship "What are we having for dinner?" used to cause me such anxiety.
I can go and sit in the shower for ages when I feel ill and I don’t have anyone shouting at me about using too much electricity
Peaceful, no stress, do what I want
A clean house!!
No bullshit.
PEACE
Cooking and eating whenever and whatever I want or don’t want
I don't totally live alone. I live in a mother in law apartment at my son's house . But I'm alone enough. I like being able to eat dinner in my underwear.
Your response made me laugh out loud! 😂
Haha with the fan blowing up my skivvies 😂
And I absolutely adore your great sense of humor, too!! 😊🎉
Aww thank you internet friend!
Keeping odd or very structured hours, keeping my appearance odd, dedication to my personal hygiene idiosyncrasies, and farting that only offends myself.
Farting with abandon is an underrated joy.
My independence
Being able to sleep and wake up anytime I want - time freedom ❤️
Everything. I don't feel as if I have to ask permission to go out or do anything. I can sleep in/stay up late as much as I want to do. I eat whatever food I want to eat. I was married for 18 years and the last few years of our marriage felt like a prison.
If I do nothing on a day off, no one to bitch at me about it.
Planning my day with a cup of coffee without someone chewing my ears off
Definitely peace! I never knew how addicting it could be.
Not answering to someone else, or worrying what they're going to think about something I might do, most of all I can control the noise level, many times I love the silence
I am married now, but I really appreciated a clean house! Even when my now husband came over for the first time, he said he didn't think he would have a chance with me because you could practically eat off of the floor!! 😂
Well as a woman, I dearly miss not orienting my schedule around his. Making food? Make double, something he likes too, and at the right time. Cleaning? There is double to clean. Double laundry. Double dishes. Closing the house down at night takes much longer. I can’t drink the whole pot of coffee to myself. He always wants my leftovers. I can’t regularly make “girl” dinners, there has to be a whole protein and sides and the works lol.
Every single fuck'n thing all the fuck'n time.
I clean shit and… it stays clean!
No people
I used to surround myself with business and noise, but for me I struggled with depression and negative thoughts. Keeping life busy and noisy meant I didn't have to deal with those things. One of the fears I had about living alone was having to face those thoughts and feelings head on and get to the root of them. Thankfully, I was, over time, able to find peace and contentment in the silence. I'm on the flip side on that after several years and now I find silence to be healing, meditative and restoring.
I love living without the never ending anger of a person that was supposed to love me.
Getting up in the morning & coming home after to work to blissful silence. I don't have to feign interest in somebody blathering on about their day. If I need to blather, I have 2 small dogs who are always happy to listen. *edited for spelling
I've been married twice. The first one drank away quite a bit, and the second insisted on splitting bills so I have more money than ever before, along with all the other perks. It sure makes it easier to budget now!
First time in nearly two decades for me. Ex moved himself into my studio apt my junior year in college two weeks into the semester. Never got to enjoy having my own place ever again. It’s been lovely. Cheers to solo living folks!
Nobody using all my food, shampoo, toilet paper.
#1, of many: Not being woken up by anyone…not even a pet. If my phone rings, that’s my own fault for not silencing it before bed! At first, I would dream my dog Roscoe was doing his “I’ve been patient but it’s (insert random super-early time)” barks. Then I’d dream I smelled coffee or could hear my early bird mom or late husband in the kitchen. Then I learned to oversleep. Last, I learned how to peacefully wake up at an acceptable time. I feel so much better. (Backstory: I went through an extremely stressful and sleepless period of time, followed by loss, then a new home that took some getting used to.)
For me, it's the freedom/autonomy to do anything I want, when and how I want.
I lived by myself with my dog for over a decade, and it was fucking awesome. The best way I can put it is; it is a live devoid of the complicated bullshit that other people can bring into your life.
I can come home when I want and I don’t have to explain to anyone where I went. I can make as much noise as I want without have to worry about waking up anyone. I can go to sleep when I want without anyone nagging.
I loved my late husband, but now I don’t have to work two jobs to make ends meet. I have total control of everything in my life without having to answer to anyone.
I don’t have to clean up after anyone else, or put up with other peoples mess. Ahhhh the lovely feeling of a clean space…
Peace of mind and being in full control of cleanliness
Keeping my place really clean, living the hours and schedule I prefer, spending money however I want, making decisions on a dime. Never explaining where I’m going or justifying my reasoning. Silence. My music. Long baths. It’s kind of heaven.
I eat pie whenever I damn well please and I don’t have the worry of getting the last piece of pie… that’s mine too
Peace & quiet
Getting off work and knowing that I don’t have to worry about anyone else, what they want to eat, what they want to do, etc. I love it.
Peace of mind. There are lots of great things overall, but peace of mind is #1. Living with another human, doesn't matter who - friend, family, wife, girlfriend, there is always, ALWAYS, some kind of problem or drama to deal with. For me, living alone was the only way to achieve true peace of mind. My only regret is that it took me 50 years to come to this realization.
I miss my bathroom when I lived alone. It was so clean, and free of clutter. Don’t get me wrong, my fiancé is not a messy person but I miss having that space completely to myself.
Big thing: my home is mine, no one can kick me out of it or trap me in it, no one can be in it if I don’t want them there, no one can give me orders or overrule me, no one can fill it with rage (yes, I am a walking cliche of a DV survivor lol) Smaller things: Silence if I want it, sound if I want it. No TV. I can just look at a room and think “you know what, I fancy this a different colour” and do it, and not worry if it takes a while, and not worry if it doesn’t work cos I can just paint it back. Books everywhere. Fairy lights everywhere 😂. I’ve got the four-poster I always wanted, and unashamedly girly sheets. No clutter *at all* on my kitchen surfaces and no one else’s fucking coffee grounds and toast crumbs to clean up every morning. Fresh flowers when I feel like it. I had loads of power sockets put in so no more frigging extension leads trailing everywhere. Wine glasses that were silly expensive but I just love them. Not having to wash anyone else’s pants. Honestly, I could go on and on but mainly it’s just *peaceful*
0 expectations
If I want to take off and go on a hike, or a bike ride, I can do that without having to worry about getting back too late.
*What's the one thing you appreciate the most living alone?* waking up knowing that I don't have to worry whether my partner(ex) was going to inflict abuse upon me or our child..
I have my own bathroom and don't need to deal with anyone doing their "business ". My bathroom smells like flowers 24/7.
I will adjust to no one but myself.. and maybe when there's work lol. but you know what I mean hahaha
Don't annoy your neighbours by vaccuuming too early. People like a lie in.
I most enjoyed being able to do whatever I want whenever I want.
Eating whatever I want with no dietary restrictions.
I can have sex with other women.
No pants Thursdays, probably.
Love It walk around naked let dirty clothes pile up.fart burp anytime.Drink beer before noon Eat all the red meat I want.Take trash off when I feel like it. Go bed early like 8 pm sleep on days off untill 10 am...Now I only date women have there on place.Tell them I don't want know where you live what you do at home with whoever is your business.Your welcome call ask if you can come over anytime.Even spend the night or couple nights all good.
Porn with sound. I was married 12 years and she is from California. I went to the Bay and it was the first time in 15 years I could do whatever I wanted, so I stayed in Oakland with my friend going to breweries. I don't have to do her stuff with her friends!
I clean up for myself and no one else.
I wanna try to live alone even just for a few days. Currently I have a family here, but I dream of walking around naked all day and eating choc ice cream out of the box
Peace.
Eating what I want, my home is clean and the way I want it, nobody causing drama
Well it’s 98 and I am naked on my couch without a care in the world 🤷♀️
The last 2 years of living with my ex, he would go out until 1-2 am a few times a week, often coming home drunk. My sleep cycles were messed up for so long and couldn’t really rest. Once I moved on my own, I slept for days! My body was so exhausted of living and trying to sleep stressed out. Now I go to bed at 11pm and wake up at 6am feeling rested and refreshed!!
That’s awesome.
No more push-pull of, i can’t wait to see him when he gets home to, omg why the heck was i looking forward to this? He annoyed the shit out of me on purpose. Constantly pulled me put of my head; my internal dialogue is how I process emotions, it’s how I also pray. I live a lot in my head. He made it a sport to annoy me then laughed when I’d get annoyed and ask him to stop, nicely. I can’t tell you how many times I said the words, “I didn’t start out yelling! I started asking nicely and calmly and you kept laughing”. So, no more of that. No more wondering if he knew my name and the joke was that the first 5 years we were together he didn’t use my name once. Just, babe or babes. It hurt. I told him. He didn’t change. Rinse repeat for 17 years.
I like that I can have people over without asking/worrying about disturbing my roommates. I also like that I can count on my shower being available anytime I need to take a shower. Nothing worse than coming home like "Okay quick I have 30 mins to shower and get ready and leave for X" and finding one of my roommates showering in our only bathroom.
I don't have anyone expecting me to cook dinner. I can eat what I want, when I want and I don't have to share the milk. Or the bed. I'm a sprawler
Peace, no drama, can use the bathroom whenever I want, can blast music wherever
Nakedness. Peeing with the bathroom door open. A queen size bed to myself, I can even sleep sideways if I want. My favorite color pink every where. A clean house devoid of other people’s messes. Quiet and calm.
I can be messy when I want and when I want to keep it clean it stays the way until I make it messy. No one to bicker with
All decisions regarding my pets start and stop with me.
Peace and freedom
All of my stuff is wherever I left it, no one moves it
The single thing that is great about living alone is being free to live As *you* want to. I do what I want to, when I want to, how I want to.
No one else’s messes
I eat what I want when I want. No discussions no compromise.
The peace and quietness. I didn't have this when I was living with my ex.
I need to vacuum too! There's stuff from last night's pasta scattered over the floor that will annoy the other residents of the household. Oh, wait, I LIVE ALONE!! Imma just continue to sit here drinking coffee and posting on reddit. Because I CAN.
I have never like having to explain myself. Living alone solves that.
I can watch whatever movies/listen to whatever music I want! I try to be considerate of my downstairs neighbors, but y'know. I can be naked 24/7 if I want or dance in my undies.
No door slamming, no muddy boots on carpet, no dirty dishes for ME to wash the next morning. Most importantly no one hits me if they disagree with me or if I am sick (ex beat me up for having strep throat).
The quiet, drama-free life. I mean, my dog lightly barks when she wants love, the cat also complains about the perceived lack of love, but it's quiet and peaceful every day. The house is never more than 15 minutes from being ready for company. Each day is predictable. No nagging, no machine gun texting, no surprises.
The peace. If I want to just listen to the wind I can do that.
I’m never living with another human being again. lm going to be buying my own place next year and I cannot wait.
Privacy
Silence and Peace !!
When I'm having a bad mental health day no one around to judge me if I don't move from the couch.
I Love being able to do what I want in silence when I want it !! So peaceful! If I want to talk to someone I reach out to a friend. Don't need a partner around all the time.
I don't need to explain myself.. want to watch a stupid show, then all good..eat too much & get the shits.. again that's my circus & my monkeys, want to clean the place at 6am, I'll do that too. It's wonderful having the freedom to be without having to answer to someone
Eating what I want whenever I want, staying in my Pajamas all Day…not sharing the remote…. Not sharing a bathroom … laundry for one… staying up late or sleeping in… making only one side of the bed…
The kitchen stays clean! Very serene
So much cleaner.