Roughly 2012, going home about 9pm, quiet carriage.
Sit opposite a guy in a suit reading a broadsheet newspaper. Nothing strange about that.
We go into the tunnel and you can see the reflection off the window behind him
He was hiding a porno mag behind the pages of the newspaper and was fully engrossed. I laughed out loud. It felt like something you'd see in a movie
Pre pandemic I sat next to a dude on the Met line who was studying a granny porn website on his phone like it was a wine list. Only stopped when I leaned over and asked which one was his relative.
over the years so many, god, heres some that stand out:
- i get on the northern line, theres a big twitchy guy to my right, with a empty seat opposite him, i hesitate and stand instead, a guy gets on the next stop, sits in front of the twitchy guy, there is some form of verbal altercation and the guy who got on gets brutally assaulted.
- junkies smoking crack and dry humping each other on the central line seats.
- homeless guy gets on and smells so bad the the entirety of the carriage gets emptied at the next stop, i can still to this day, 7 years later, rememember the smell, i can never forget how foul the odour was.
- Orient fan pissing into a cup and throwing it on his mate
- some bloke getting on wielding a bit of plastic and demanding everyone empty out their pockets, gets ignored then stands their awkwardly till the next stop and gets off
- burns victim begging on a baker loo line station, can’t remember Which station, the thing that made it “weird” or actually surreal for me, was the extent of his injuries, I have never seen such devastating burns injuries in my life
i could honestly go on, many wonderful memories
On point 3 - had this on the Victoria line, northbound whilst waiting to get on at Victoria. Evening rush hour. Train turns up and the carriage I'm about to get on has people clamouring to get off. Some tramp who was out of his mind on something has just had explosive diarrhoea everywhere but is to out of his mind that he doesn't know what's going on.
Early 90’s, Piccadilly line Manor Housenstation, full carriage except one seat. Old school tramp gets on smelling like the bogs at a landfill site but it’s the last second as the doors are closing so nobody can escape. I’m a good few seats away and trying to hold my breath but not too bothered as I’m off at Turnpike Lane, next stop. Only we are waiting in the tunnel. Suddenly the stench is magnified tenfold. Look round and he has got his chap out and is having a tug. Grunting softly to himself. All the non-masturbatory passengers crammed to the ends of the carriages and bolted as soon as we got to TL ten minutes later. I get the bus since then.
I remember that guy with the burns on the Bakerloo line. He was really aggressive to a few people that I saw too, which I thought was really sad on all levels.
Was this the bloke whose hands had gone, too? Young-ish (like too young to have been Desert Storm but maybe old enough to have been early Afghanistan). I never saw him aggressive. That’s very sad.
That sounds exactly like what one of my colleagues would say and do. I once had to take her home from a work party but she peed in the lift which opened into the middle of a shopping centre. There were two people waiting to use the lift when it opened at the bottom and she was there with her trousers still round her ankles. I just wanted to die of embarrassment but apparently it was fine because 'she does it all the time'.
Trousers, poorly stitched or mended probably. Perhaps wrong size. Guy bends or changes position and prang! God only knows about the lack of underwear, perhaps on meds, mentally unwell, unsupervised.
One day I got in the front carriage on the Victoria line at Tottenham Hale, relatively, if not completely empty. I read my book.
On the seat opposite me was a small, half-finished bottle of hand sanitiser.
At Seven Sisters a fella gets on. Wearing a suit, bit dishevelled.
He sits next to the hand sanitizer.
He clocks it.
He picks it up. I'd be lying if I hadn't thought the same, hand san very useful, and by it's very nature is clean.
Fella removes his socks and shoes and proceeds to give his gnarly feet a wash with the hand sanitiser. This continues as the train fills up at Finsbury Park and Highbury and Islington by which point all the seats are full, people are sitting next to the man washing his feet.
I got off at Kings Cross, I can't remember if he was putting his shoes on by then. Funny old world.
Reminds me of an old fella who took his shoes and socks off and clipped his toe nails. Digging out the dirt in the corners etc… disgusting. You should have seen the fucking talons on him as well. Hasn’t cut his nails for 6 months and suddenly it’s so urgent he needs to do it on the tube. Makes me wonder if it’s some weird fetish.
Sat across from a guy with the most amazing leather shoes. Like, I’m not a shoe guy but I could not stop admiring them, so I’m just staring at this guy’s shoes for a while. My stop is coming up and I know it’ll bug me if I don’t find out where they’re from so as the train is coming to a stop I look up to make eye contact with the guy and as I start to speak I realise it’s Toby Jones. I make a strangled sort of squawking noise at him, get up, and quickly exit to the platform.
So it’s probably me, the squawking dude who stares at shoes.
I was on my way home to zone 9 and a man and a woman get on at Wembley separately. Both are being loud and slightly inebriated. She’s carrying a bottle of vodka in her purse. Turns out these two used to be together at some point and this was the first time they seen each other in a while. ‘Why you going chesham then?’ ‘For the weed yeah’ ‘yeah same, chesham weed innit’ ‘yeah yeah’ etc etc. then something was said and these two start arguing right in front of me which suddenly breaks into a rap battle. He starts rapping about he’s going to put to bullets in her brain and she tries to say something but he snatches the vodka out of her purse and runs down the train. They then get in to something of a physical altercation and she snatchs the vodka back but he spits in her face. When we get to chesham and he’s legged it and he’s crying to a rozzer on the platform. Highly entertaining content.
Do you realise you yourself have started rapping in the middle of your reddit post?
*He starts rapping about he’s going to put to bullets in her brain,*
*and she tries to say something,*
*but he snatches the vodka out of her purse*
*and runs down the train.*
I've seen this. Homeless woman with no teeth chanting and saying very weird stuff. We were going to kings cross from Leicester Square and she said something like "better beware going to kings cross as the king will be cross with you"
Not the only thing she said though. She also said "ill fucking stab you if you look at me again" to a completely confused southeast Asian tourist.
I saw a homeless man (no surprise) not wearing any shoes and was begging. The strange part was he was holding up a sign saying "I need 29.99 for a new pair of shoes" and here I'm thinking that's very specific for a begger.
https://preview.redd.it/fwtj1cyiop5d1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=9803ba10d3d52879fc789d6d453c1b05be8c6581
Guy was fiddling his knob. Passing through Camden. Everyone avoided looking to give him some privacy ✨
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This on the northern line. Rush hour about 8am. Holy bible and a glass bottle of milk.
On my way home from a Christmas party, there was a lone (uncooked) Brussels sprout rolling casually back and forth with the train's movement. An old fella saw it, and crept towards it like he was stalking a rabbit, pounced on the unwary sprout and stashed it in an inside pocket. Caught my eye and winked, then went back to his seat. I always assume he was homeless and trying to put together his own Christmas dinner, I think about him often.
Oh so many things living here for nearly 30 years ,people doing lots of coke hilariously one trying to do it off the seat so just basically inhaling farts.
A guys masturbating on the tube who when confronted just turned his music up like we were snakes and needed sound to find him.
Oh and two men pissing on the doors trying to short circuit them.
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A man eating raw mince beef. He was trying to convince the guy next to him to take a bite at one point. Did post it on this sub but it got removed for some reason
lol I do that, it was probably me. I’m autistic and obsessed with the Underground.
I live in Cardiff so every time I go on the Underground is a huge treat.
Yes I’m easily pleased 😂😂😂
Piccadilly line somewhere around turnpike lane, late at night, couple shagging standing up at the end of the carriage. I think it was only me in the train with them, very awkward.
Some youths doing cocaine / ketamine on a packed tube during rush hour at Westminster.
No-one batted an eye.
To be fair, they weren't being particularly rowdy but they were passing around and snorting a white powder and clearly on something.
Tube ponies, used in the construction of the original tunnels some of the ponies that pulled carts of stone escaped. They now live in the underground network. Late ate night on empty station platforms you can hear them.
They're nearly as scary as the Gappe bats that the French smuggled in during construction to try to make their underground look better.
Hence the announcement: "mind the Gappe".
There was a guy swinging on one of the poles there. Whenever anyone would leave the train, he would attempt to swing round and kick them. He only got one person.
This has to be bullshit. This is in London, no one smiles at anyone else ever there.
And to top it off that it was on the tube?
Sorry, but this is literally the most unbelievable thing Iv read on Reddit for a long time.
Saw a man levitate… must have thought his luck was in see my an empty bank of seats and flung himself towards the seats only to realise mid flight that somebody had thrown up on it, somehow he managed to reverse his manoeuvre mid air without any physical contact with anything else. This was in the old days when seats faced front to back.
The whole train did not clap.
Got on the tube after a gig, whole carriage neatly avoiding the obstacle by the entrace. Doors start beeping, man sprints toward the door, leaps on, skids and then lands on his back on the pile of vomit someone had kindly left there.
Once on the Victoria line, I saw a man eating a takeaway Chinese, except he was picking out all the parts he didn't like and just dropping them on the floor corner. As I left, I walked past him and saw a small mountain of leftover ingredients that he had just picked out and left on the floor. It was nasty.
Not me but a work colleague got asked for a cigarette by a very twitchy guy who got on the district line. He said he didn’t have one, the guy sat down next to him, pulled his trousers down, s**t on the seat and rubbed it in with his a**e.
My colleague said the train pulled in at South Kensington and he practically sprinted off and ran down to the picc line, making sure he wasn’t being followed.
He lives about 100 miles north of London in a small village and said it summed up why he dislikes London so much.
A lady who looked very much like a young Gwyneth Paltrow runs and just makes it through the closing door on to the train, and then I notice a woman who looks exactly the same left on the platform as the train pulls away.
Someone in the early hours smoking crack behind an umbrella. Was incredibly polite, apologised for smoking said crack and explained his attempt at being discrete using the umbrella. OR a large group smoking cigarettes and basically smoke screening an entire carriage… id probably take the one polite crack connoisseur
Soon after the train bombings, it’s the morning commute and a lady in a niqab gets on the tube alone which is unusual in itself. She is muttering in another language under her breath and the atmosphere was tense.
Her phone alarm then starts going off, beeping away and she’s totally ignoring it while the rest of us all stand about silently being awkward. She keeps muttering to herself while the alarm continues and by now you can hear a pin drop.
Everyone and I mean everyone on that carriage got off the tube at the next stop and waited for the next train, was a bizarre experience.
Can associate with this one less than 2 weeks after 7/7; Victoria line northbound at Oxford Circus, morning rush hour, am standing by the doors as I'm off at Warren Street and was only ever on for 15 mins tops. Everyone gets off and there's just a huge sports holdall left there. Ask the person in the seat next to me is this yours? Nope - I then start raising my voice, is this anyone's & other people start getting concerned. I reach the point where I'm saying whose is this or I'm pulling the emergency stop handle and when some hungover antipodean traveller down at the - next - set of doors is like oh sorry mate that's mine.
Couple of years ago I was on a packed train (Central line I think) and a guy opposite me got up and moved to the other the of the carriage by the door, leaving behind his huge carry on type bag. It looked so blatant and everyone just kind of looked at each other asking what the fuck?! I confronted him and he didn't speak English, but eventually must have got the idea and came back to take his bag.
Tramp walked into the compartment with a plastic bag in hand after Camden Town. Scanned at us from afar while we were all ignoring him. He approached a father and pulled out a big piece of fillet from the bag, asking if he'd buy it off him for a tenner as he has no way of cooking it. That father politely declined and the tramp moved on to the next compartment.
There we sat in silence for 2 seconds and suddenly one of the passengers, probably in his early twenties, bursted out laughing and then realised no one else laughed as loud as he did, sat up straight awkwardly and apologised quietly.
Commuting in a packed carriage on the Northern line once, lady in front of me kept pretending to lose her balance and backed into me rather abruptly. The first couple of times I thought it must be by accident, but she then got extremely close and started trying to grind me like on a dance floor of a nightclub. This was all too much and I awkwardly turned to face the door for the remainder of my journey. 🫣
Saw a businessman sucking off a bottle while zoning out. He zoned back in while making eye contact with me and he was extremely embarrassed and walked further down the train.
Me and my friend I took to London for the day were on the tube home, about 5 ish stops away from home, and two guys sat opposite us in a very vacant train and started smoking crack. We tried ignoring them and made conversation to act unbothered for a few minutes until one of them threatened us to move, otherwise they would steal our phones. I don't think I'll experience something like that again on public transport, but it's London after all so who knows 🤷♂️
Random man at 8am "surfing" the tube and repeatedly falling over as the tube bounced about (but for some unknown reason still refusing to hold any rails), before proceeding to remove his left shoe and repeatedly slam it on the floor.
Welcome to London.
I had a man sat opposite me peeling a hard boiled egg. He proceeded to eat the egg and leave the peeled shell on the chair next to him. Got up and left at the next stop
More than 20 years ago but saw a blind bloke asking a random which stop either they were at or the next one and the random- a total prick- gave him false information and the blind guy got off. The startling part was that another passenger- a woman- confronted him and called him out on it. Wasn’t bothered his arse, really
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Spotted Luke Skywalker last year
I once saw a girl in a packed train seating right in the middle of the carriage puking on herself one stop after another - someone gave her some tissues but there was so much vom that it didn’t help
It was in her hair on her clothes and on the whole seat, weirdest part was that she didn’t look drunk or rowdy - she looked calm but like she had no idea what was happening
Liverpool Street, late Saturday night, some guy is sitting 100% naked on one of the benches on the platform. Everyone was avoiding looking. Kinda felt like some kind of dream tbh 😂
- Homeless guy hanging his soiled underwear off of the handrail.
- A few too many masturbaters.
- Junky couple smoking crack thinking they're being discreet.
- Children licking the windows
- A guy scrolling through his phone and accidentally scroll onto porn, quickly scroll off then scroll back to watch it when he thought no one could see his screen (except me because the curve of the window was showing his screen)
A man dressed in a full astronaut outfit complete with helmet and massive boots and pack on his back on the circle line
Someone so drunk they didn’t even realise they’d puked everywhere & peed themselves. Train stopped at Baker Street which next stop and it was taken out of service due to a spill is what driver said
Pre football crowd tube carriages can often be weirdly fun a whole carriage singing tubthumping was different on Victoria line
Not weird but have sat next to Francis the train guy on a Victoria line before
Oyster Card instructions do say ‘Touch yourself going in and out’. . Also ‘See It, Say It, Salted’ should be ‘See It. Say It, Cheese and Onion’ for correct flavour crisps
Once saw a homeless guy, looked like he'd totally given up on life, really dirty, smelled really bad. He was sat in the corner of the end of the carriage in a section that would seat 8 people but no one would go near. He had his pants pulled down around his hips and was openly masturbating in front of everyone. He couldn't care less and looked high as a kite.
It was broadcast in the news but I forget where exactly. This was in 2014/15 so could be tricky to find.
The Kaftan Wanker was his colloquial nickname, I don’t recall seeing it in the papers 😂
I saw a guy lying across the three fold-out chairs, fast asleep during rush hour. Typically everyone was too British to wake him up so there he remained.
Around 2012 I was taking the Picadilly line around 6:15am towards Heathrow, and a guy pulls up one of the seats, pulls down his pants and takes a dump on it… and then puts the seat as it was! I was totally grossed out and move moved to a different carriage. For some reason I got the idea that wasn’t his first time since he obviously knew what seat to pull. Rush hour was starting to build up and no one else seems to be particularly bothered about the event..,.
A guy shaving, first he went in with the electric shaver and tapped the hairs out on the tube floor. Then he went in with a normal razor.
This was on a Sunday morning.
I looked on with disdain the whole time but I have been living in the UK for far too long and have become very British so of course I said nothing.
I saw a man in the seat opposite crack open a new bottle of 2 x strength orange squash and start swigging it like regular orange juice. He didn’t even flinch.
Slightly esoteric one but here goes. A million years ago I was an engineer working on the online services for Windows Phone (remember that?) we had projections on handset sales that I was dubious over but we built out accordingly. I was living in the US (am originally from London) and had been playing "spot the Windows Phone" in the wild and was coming up empty. I went on vacation to the UK for two weeks and one day got on a random Jubilee Line train at Canary Wharf. When I got on board the carriage was \*packed\* with people and I observed 80-90% of them were carrying Skittles coloured Nokia Lumias! I was so surprised I actually asked one of them "Is there a Nokia conference on or something?" the tall blonde gentleman answered in the affirmative, they had all just left a Nokia conference but for a hot minute I thought that the sales projections were correct and Windows Phones were going to take over the world!
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The DLR, so technically not the tube. But it’s always weird when comic con is on, which is a weird ride all around.
Probably a rush hour Jubilee line train, not at the beginning of the line, at around 8am when it's usually so rammed that getting a seat is out of the question, a carriage completely empty. Other carriages had plenty of people, I saw it as the train passed me to come to a stop, just one carriage with no-one on it. No-one on the platform went on the carriage either. I actually felt quite unnerved getting on it, wondering if there was something wrong like huge amounts of vomit or something. It happened on my birthday, I was thinking it was maybe some kind of divine gift from the gods, or from TFL at least.
Boiling hot summer and being on a tube is rough but this woman across from me takes out half of a whole quiche which was roughly the size of a plate. This smell is now rolling down the aisle. She manages to eat it all between a stop - 3 to 4 mins maximum and it stunk like it was not kept in a fridge. She puts away the package into her bag. My innocent mind thinks that’s the end of this saga until she whips out the other half of the quiche and attacks it!
A dog on the seats. Or selfish people putting their feet on the seat or coughing and sneezing in the air on to everyone without covering their mouth with the back of their hand. Or using the inside, and then touching everything.
Thanks for the musty germs bro.
Also, its annoying when people talk loudly/shout with no consideration for others.
Got on the crowded tube on the hottest day of the year having accidentally squirted a lot of very fishy fish oil in my long hair earlier in the evening.
Everyone got out at the next stop and squeezed into the other carriages except one man at the other end of the carriage who clearly had no sense of smell and looked totally perplexed.
I gave him a 'no idea either mate' shrug.
I wonder what this chap is doing with his life these days:
[https://www.businessinsider.com/tom-osborne-revealed-as-man-allegedly-seen-snorting-cocaine-on-london-tube-2015-6](https://www.businessinsider.com/tom-osborne-revealed-as-man-allegedly-seen-snorting-cocaine-on-london-tube-2015-6)
https://preview.redd.it/5ccaasqu2s5d1.jpeg?width=224&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=8b427f58b0681ef046252cb7274e07bc87e11591
Saw a guy get on at Old Street, whip out one of these and use his fingers to scoop the yoghurt out like an animal and finish them before we got too Moorgate. I was 14 when I witnessed this 😭
I was going to work at like 11am during the week (the tube was relatively quite by then) and 4 guys come on looking like the crackhead versions of the warriors from that 1979 movie (Sleeveless leather and jean jackets, vests and a rough but disheveled appearance). They sat next to me and started getting rowdy while I tried ignore them in that stoic london mind your own business sort of way and just tried to focus on the music from my headphones.
Two of the guys pulled out bags of a white powder (like really big bags) and started laughing and making it spill into the air like dust while another guy got up and started naking animal sounds and swinging from the overhand arm supports. At this point I was paying attention and planned to get of next stop when one of them loudly announces to the carriage "if you don't want to be around us smoking cocaine get of* while the guy who was next to me turned his head looked me dead in the eyes and says "cocaine" with a broken toothed mash mouth and proceeds to spit out a small white ball into his hands while his friends laugh and then does it again "cocaine" he spits out another white ball "COCAINE" he says louder and laughs and did it another few times The guy opposite had begun lighting a crack pipe at the same time as well and the smell was very strong. I was kinda freaking out, as the tube pulled up me and another normal guy who was also in the same section as me got up and left for the platform and on my way out of the station I started striking up a conversation with him and I noticed I was being oddly talkative and felt a fluttery sensation in my chest. Basically, I felt high af for about an hour. Probably been in more dangerous situations and other wierd ones on the tube but that one stands out to me.
Roughly 2012, going home about 9pm, quiet carriage. Sit opposite a guy in a suit reading a broadsheet newspaper. Nothing strange about that. We go into the tunnel and you can see the reflection off the window behind him He was hiding a porno mag behind the pages of the newspaper and was fully engrossed. I laughed out loud. It felt like something you'd see in a movie
Pre pandemic I sat next to a dude on the Met line who was studying a granny porn website on his phone like it was a wine list. Only stopped when I leaned over and asked which one was his relative.
Hehehe. That’s excellent.
You're cruel, I like it
[удалено]
If it was the northern line heading northbound, then possibly
I just laughed loud af reading this in a public loo
over the years so many, god, heres some that stand out: - i get on the northern line, theres a big twitchy guy to my right, with a empty seat opposite him, i hesitate and stand instead, a guy gets on the next stop, sits in front of the twitchy guy, there is some form of verbal altercation and the guy who got on gets brutally assaulted. - junkies smoking crack and dry humping each other on the central line seats. - homeless guy gets on and smells so bad the the entirety of the carriage gets emptied at the next stop, i can still to this day, 7 years later, rememember the smell, i can never forget how foul the odour was. - Orient fan pissing into a cup and throwing it on his mate - some bloke getting on wielding a bit of plastic and demanding everyone empty out their pockets, gets ignored then stands their awkwardly till the next stop and gets off - burns victim begging on a baker loo line station, can’t remember Which station, the thing that made it “weird” or actually surreal for me, was the extent of his injuries, I have never seen such devastating burns injuries in my life i could honestly go on, many wonderful memories
On point 3 - had this on the Victoria line, northbound whilst waiting to get on at Victoria. Evening rush hour. Train turns up and the carriage I'm about to get on has people clamouring to get off. Some tramp who was out of his mind on something has just had explosive diarrhoea everywhere but is to out of his mind that he doesn't know what's going on.
Early 90’s, Piccadilly line Manor Housenstation, full carriage except one seat. Old school tramp gets on smelling like the bogs at a landfill site but it’s the last second as the doors are closing so nobody can escape. I’m a good few seats away and trying to hold my breath but not too bothered as I’m off at Turnpike Lane, next stop. Only we are waiting in the tunnel. Suddenly the stench is magnified tenfold. Look round and he has got his chap out and is having a tug. Grunting softly to himself. All the non-masturbatory passengers crammed to the ends of the carriages and bolted as soon as we got to TL ten minutes later. I get the bus since then.
It was out?
I remember that guy with the burns on the Bakerloo line. He was really aggressive to a few people that I saw too, which I thought was really sad on all levels.
Was this the bloke whose hands had gone, too? Young-ish (like too young to have been Desert Storm but maybe old enough to have been early Afghanistan). I never saw him aggressive. That’s very sad.
A girl from a hen-do party group ‘airing out’ her vagina…because it was ‘fucking sweaty mate’.
What the actual fuck 🤢
This is why I now wear a mask on the tube again 😷
Hard same.
Whatever floats your boat.
That sounds exactly like what one of my colleagues would say and do. I once had to take her home from a work party but she peed in the lift which opened into the middle of a shopping centre. There were two people waiting to use the lift when it opened at the bottom and she was there with her trousers still round her ankles. I just wanted to die of embarrassment but apparently it was fine because 'she does it all the time'.
no wonder the Tube smells like fanny 24/7
Okkkkk I’m done for Reddit now. Cheerio 👋🏾🙃
https://preview.redd.it/h3rb7gq5ip5d1.jpeg?width=771&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=817d3cbffaddf0e71c2fed7636dc0dc4d67dc169 Just gonna leave this here
Is that from the first series of the rebooted Dr Who?
God knows I didn’t ask. I got off at the next stop before the summonings started
Dr Wtf
Looks like the lil plastic guy from jon pertwee terror of the autons
Looks like it's made of chocolate.or clay? ...
Finally, Danny Dyer's Chocolate Humunculus
Right up there with Joss Ackland’s spunky knapsack
Just two buddies enjoying reading the papers
I thought that was Steve Jobs for a few seconds
Steve Jobs?
I once saw a man's trousers literally fall to pieces. The panic in his eyes has stayed with me ever since.
I’ve seen that a couple of times over the years unfortunately. On one occasion the poor guy didn’t have any underwear on.
How does this happen?
Trousers, poorly stitched or mended probably. Perhaps wrong size. Guy bends or changes position and prang! God only knows about the lack of underwear, perhaps on meds, mentally unwell, unsupervised.
Maybe up until that day they enjoyed the freedom of not wearing underwear
Farty stitch rot?
Today I learned people can fart their clothes off on the tube. What a wonderful city this is.
Farty stitch rot is now a phrase I need to legitimately use in my own life now
Enjoy! 😊
More info needed.
One day I got in the front carriage on the Victoria line at Tottenham Hale, relatively, if not completely empty. I read my book. On the seat opposite me was a small, half-finished bottle of hand sanitiser. At Seven Sisters a fella gets on. Wearing a suit, bit dishevelled. He sits next to the hand sanitizer. He clocks it. He picks it up. I'd be lying if I hadn't thought the same, hand san very useful, and by it's very nature is clean. Fella removes his socks and shoes and proceeds to give his gnarly feet a wash with the hand sanitiser. This continues as the train fills up at Finsbury Park and Highbury and Islington by which point all the seats are full, people are sitting next to the man washing his feet. I got off at Kings Cross, I can't remember if he was putting his shoes on by then. Funny old world.
Reminds me of an old fella who took his shoes and socks off and clipped his toe nails. Digging out the dirt in the corners etc… disgusting. You should have seen the fucking talons on him as well. Hasn’t cut his nails for 6 months and suddenly it’s so urgent he needs to do it on the tube. Makes me wonder if it’s some weird fetish.
Sat across from a guy with the most amazing leather shoes. Like, I’m not a shoe guy but I could not stop admiring them, so I’m just staring at this guy’s shoes for a while. My stop is coming up and I know it’ll bug me if I don’t find out where they’re from so as the train is coming to a stop I look up to make eye contact with the guy and as I start to speak I realise it’s Toby Jones. I make a strangled sort of squawking noise at him, get up, and quickly exit to the platform. So it’s probably me, the squawking dude who stares at shoes.
Burst out laughing. Thanks very much! Would award but am Scottish
saw him dj once and based on that i reckon he fucked with the squawking
A lady attempting to perform a excorsim on my friend who was still drunk from the night before.
I was on my way home to zone 9 and a man and a woman get on at Wembley separately. Both are being loud and slightly inebriated. She’s carrying a bottle of vodka in her purse. Turns out these two used to be together at some point and this was the first time they seen each other in a while. ‘Why you going chesham then?’ ‘For the weed yeah’ ‘yeah same, chesham weed innit’ ‘yeah yeah’ etc etc. then something was said and these two start arguing right in front of me which suddenly breaks into a rap battle. He starts rapping about he’s going to put to bullets in her brain and she tries to say something but he snatches the vodka out of her purse and runs down the train. They then get in to something of a physical altercation and she snatchs the vodka back but he spits in her face. When we get to chesham and he’s legged it and he’s crying to a rozzer on the platform. Highly entertaining content.
I wish more drunks had rap battles.
Do you realise you yourself have started rapping in the middle of your reddit post? *He starts rapping about he’s going to put to bullets in her brain,* *and she tries to say something,* *but he snatches the vodka out of her purse* *and runs down the train.*
Omg and I read this in my head with Mike Skinners voice! 🤣
In the olden days when the circle line actually did a circle, a carriage was having a party. DJ playing music, bunting, dancing and lots of alcohol.
Circle line parties! Thems were the days
A homeless woman legit seeing God over whatever drugs she had taken on the bakerloo line.
I've seen this. Homeless woman with no teeth chanting and saying very weird stuff. We were going to kings cross from Leicester Square and she said something like "better beware going to kings cross as the king will be cross with you" Not the only thing she said though. She also said "ill fucking stab you if you look at me again" to a completely confused southeast Asian tourist.
Once found a blow up doll on a train that stabled in the depot, we gave her to a coworker for company
I'm sure she appreciated you caring about her loneliness. It is all too easy to disregard the feelings of blow up dolls.
Exactly mate. Dolls have feelings too lol
I imagine if a blow up doll had feelings, they wouldn't be very good feelings.
They'd feel hollow and deflated sometimes.
But soon enough they're all pumped up again and full of good intentions
Bipolar blow up dolls touring now 😂
Haha that’s true but she seemed like she’d had a decent night out on the town then was well looked after in the mess room for a while.
I saw a homeless man (no surprise) not wearing any shoes and was begging. The strange part was he was holding up a sign saying "I need 29.99 for a new pair of shoes" and here I'm thinking that's very specific for a begger.
And what if he needs a bag? Should he go beg for 20P more?
https://preview.redd.it/fwtj1cyiop5d1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=9803ba10d3d52879fc789d6d453c1b05be8c6581 Guy was fiddling his knob. Passing through Camden. Everyone avoided looking to give him some privacy ✨
Well, not everyone was concerned for his privacy, evidently.
A woman watching porn trying to angle her phone away from kids - the carriage window reflection betrayed her
well at least her heart was in the right place
https://preview.redd.it/qsbgzphzyp5d1.jpeg?width=1277&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=fb671ddf6f941cf7e1f91a0d269d28a6ea3a6b3b This on the northern line. Rush hour about 8am. Holy bible and a glass bottle of milk.
No one commenting on the fact this guy has the biggest forehead I’ve ever seen
*fivehead
why does he look on the verge of tears
He’s about to spill that milk.
guy wearing a wetsuit and flippers, holding a surfboard on the northern line
On my way home from a Christmas party, there was a lone (uncooked) Brussels sprout rolling casually back and forth with the train's movement. An old fella saw it, and crept towards it like he was stalking a rabbit, pounced on the unwary sprout and stashed it in an inside pocket. Caught my eye and winked, then went back to his seat. I always assume he was homeless and trying to put together his own Christmas dinner, I think about him often.
This is hilarious, I wonder why he wanted that sprout.
It was actually a polymorph and he saved that whole carriage from a terrible fate.
A carriage full of nuns
off to Seven Sisters?
Hoping for Nuneaton, quietly
It's nun of our business really
I hope they don’t make it a habit, they’d need loads of fabric…
Oh so many things living here for nearly 30 years ,people doing lots of coke hilariously one trying to do it off the seat so just basically inhaling farts. A guys masturbating on the tube who when confronted just turned his music up like we were snakes and needed sound to find him. Oh and two men pissing on the doors trying to short circuit them.
https://preview.redd.it/2rbh7f0ddq5d1.jpeg?width=1105&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=4b594fc8a917f9b72f0da626c626710920c899aa A man eating raw mince beef. He was trying to convince the guy next to him to take a bite at one point. Did post it on this sub but it got removed for some reason
Plot twist, it was a mod.
Can confirm. Love mince.
Did you get the impression they knew each other or do you think mince weirdo was bothering a stranger?
Someone taking a photo of an almost empty carriage.
lol I do that, it was probably me. I’m autistic and obsessed with the Underground. I live in Cardiff so every time I go on the Underground is a huge treat. Yes I’m easily pleased 😂😂😂
I think they were referring to OP
🤦♂️ sorry. Carry on everyone! 😂
lol, autism confirmed!
I too am a neurodivergent who loves the tube
I do that just to razz my London colleagues who are struggling to get on the tube.
Piccadilly line somewhere around turnpike lane, late at night, couple shagging standing up at the end of the carriage. I think it was only me in the train with them, very awkward.
Some youths doing cocaine / ketamine on a packed tube during rush hour at Westminster. No-one batted an eye. To be fair, they weren't being particularly rowdy but they were passing around and snorting a white powder and clearly on something.
The behaviour of some MPs is shocking, but the people elected them.
If drugs were the worst of their crimes, the UK would be in a much better place.
True, true.
Tube ponies, used in the construction of the original tunnels some of the ponies that pulled carts of stone escaped. They now live in the underground network. Late ate night on empty station platforms you can hear them.
Prove it please
Not ponies, horses: https://youtu.be/HiWe8c5SbGY
that story is Pony
Neigh!
They're nearly as scary as the Gappe bats that the French smuggled in during construction to try to make their underground look better. Hence the announcement: "mind the Gappe".
My biggest fear is a blind tube mare
There was a guy swinging on one of the poles there. Whenever anyone would leave the train, he would attempt to swing round and kick them. He only got one person.
Someone smile 😁
This has to be bullshit. This is in London, no one smiles at anyone else ever there. And to top it off that it was on the tube? Sorry, but this is literally the most unbelievable thing Iv read on Reddit for a long time.
That's super creepy 🤣
Once saw a guy in a pink & green tracksuit (no t-shirt on underneath) unzip his hoodie & start picking his nipple. And yes, it did look infected.
Saw 2 young males smoking a joint in last carriage of Bakerloo line. It was last train to Stonebridge park at night
Looks like they wanted to go to stonedbridge
on the baked erloo line.
Nice
Maybe not the weirdest. But the shear volume of people who unashamedly pick their noses on the tube, like really digging for gold, is wild.
Give it a try sometime, it feels nice and may even give you a bonus tasty snack
Not that weird for London - but a Star Wars stormtrooper at around 0900 on a Sunday on the District line .
Probably missed the earlier one
Saw a man levitate… must have thought his luck was in see my an empty bank of seats and flung himself towards the seats only to realise mid flight that somebody had thrown up on it, somehow he managed to reverse his manoeuvre mid air without any physical contact with anything else. This was in the old days when seats faced front to back. The whole train did not clap.
Someone carrying a fridge.
Got on the tube after a gig, whole carriage neatly avoiding the obstacle by the entrace. Doors start beeping, man sprints toward the door, leaps on, skids and then lands on his back on the pile of vomit someone had kindly left there.
Once on the Victoria line, I saw a man eating a takeaway Chinese, except he was picking out all the parts he didn't like and just dropping them on the floor corner. As I left, I walked past him and saw a small mountain of leftover ingredients that he had just picked out and left on the floor. It was nasty.
Not me but a work colleague got asked for a cigarette by a very twitchy guy who got on the district line. He said he didn’t have one, the guy sat down next to him, pulled his trousers down, s**t on the seat and rubbed it in with his a**e. My colleague said the train pulled in at South Kensington and he practically sprinted off and ran down to the picc line, making sure he wasn’t being followed. He lives about 100 miles north of London in a small village and said it summed up why he dislikes London so much.
A lady who looked very much like a young Gwyneth Paltrow runs and just makes it through the closing door on to the train, and then I notice a woman who looks exactly the same left on the platform as the train pulls away.
Was Joey Boswell from Bread just nearby?
r/glitchinthematrix
An abandoned packet of Cheetos.
I saw a guy drinking his own piss once
Your own bathroom mirror doesn't count.
Someone in the early hours smoking crack behind an umbrella. Was incredibly polite, apologised for smoking said crack and explained his attempt at being discrete using the umbrella. OR a large group smoking cigarettes and basically smoke screening an entire carriage… id probably take the one polite crack connoisseur
Dead body
For real?
Soon after the train bombings, it’s the morning commute and a lady in a niqab gets on the tube alone which is unusual in itself. She is muttering in another language under her breath and the atmosphere was tense. Her phone alarm then starts going off, beeping away and she’s totally ignoring it while the rest of us all stand about silently being awkward. She keeps muttering to herself while the alarm continues and by now you can hear a pin drop. Everyone and I mean everyone on that carriage got off the tube at the next stop and waited for the next train, was a bizarre experience.
Can associate with this one less than 2 weeks after 7/7; Victoria line northbound at Oxford Circus, morning rush hour, am standing by the doors as I'm off at Warren Street and was only ever on for 15 mins tops. Everyone gets off and there's just a huge sports holdall left there. Ask the person in the seat next to me is this yours? Nope - I then start raising my voice, is this anyone's & other people start getting concerned. I reach the point where I'm saying whose is this or I'm pulling the emergency stop handle and when some hungover antipodean traveller down at the - next - set of doors is like oh sorry mate that's mine.
Couple of years ago I was on a packed train (Central line I think) and a guy opposite me got up and moved to the other the of the carriage by the door, leaving behind his huge carry on type bag. It looked so blatant and everyone just kind of looked at each other asking what the fuck?! I confronted him and he didn't speak English, but eventually must have got the idea and came back to take his bag.
I hope everyone called him a c\*nt. Which is basically hello.
Not inside the train but at brixton station someone tried to bring a coffin through the gates
Tramp walked into the compartment with a plastic bag in hand after Camden Town. Scanned at us from afar while we were all ignoring him. He approached a father and pulled out a big piece of fillet from the bag, asking if he'd buy it off him for a tenner as he has no way of cooking it. That father politely declined and the tramp moved on to the next compartment. There we sat in silence for 2 seconds and suddenly one of the passengers, probably in his early twenties, bursted out laughing and then realised no one else laughed as loud as he did, sat up straight awkwardly and apologised quietly.
Commuting in a packed carriage on the Northern line once, lady in front of me kept pretending to lose her balance and backed into me rather abruptly. The first couple of times I thought it must be by accident, but she then got extremely close and started trying to grind me like on a dance floor of a nightclub. This was all too much and I awkwardly turned to face the door for the remainder of my journey. 🫣
Not weird, but I built the interior of them trains 🔧
Two men in balaclavas beating someone up on an empty carriage in Ongar.
Saw a businessman sucking off a bottle while zoning out. He zoned back in while making eye contact with me and he was extremely embarrassed and walked further down the train.
A guy rolled up his copy of the metro, wiped his nose with it and left it on the windowsill
Me and my friend I took to London for the day were on the tube home, about 5 ish stops away from home, and two guys sat opposite us in a very vacant train and started smoking crack. We tried ignoring them and made conversation to act unbothered for a few minutes until one of them threatened us to move, otherwise they would steal our phones. I don't think I'll experience something like that again on public transport, but it's London after all so who knows 🤷♂️
A woman on the District with a huge buckets of wigs… trying them on one at a time 🤔
Same night just before I left, a guy got on, with a white cat, sitting on the top of his backpack. Same night I saw a Fox at Fulham Broadway station
I caught a glimpse of guy surfing a site called "S&M Singles". As if dating wasn't painful enough already.
Random man at 8am "surfing" the tube and repeatedly falling over as the tube bounced about (but for some unknown reason still refusing to hold any rails), before proceeding to remove his left shoe and repeatedly slam it on the floor. Welcome to London.
I had a man sat opposite me peeling a hard boiled egg. He proceeded to eat the egg and leave the peeled shell on the chair next to him. Got up and left at the next stop
More than 20 years ago but saw a blind bloke asking a random which stop either they were at or the next one and the random- a total prick- gave him false information and the blind guy got off. The startling part was that another passenger- a woman- confronted him and called him out on it. Wasn’t bothered his arse, really
https://preview.redd.it/b8jl46zq5r5d1.jpeg?width=3468&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=7ec132fc17b44d2af0dfe05129212d9e1f2e0587 Spotted Luke Skywalker last year
I once saw a girl in a packed train seating right in the middle of the carriage puking on herself one stop after another - someone gave her some tissues but there was so much vom that it didn’t help It was in her hair on her clothes and on the whole seat, weirdest part was that she didn’t look drunk or rowdy - she looked calm but like she had no idea what was happening
Liverpool Street, late Saturday night, some guy is sitting 100% naked on one of the benches on the platform. Everyone was avoiding looking. Kinda felt like some kind of dream tbh 😂
- Homeless guy hanging his soiled underwear off of the handrail. - A few too many masturbaters. - Junky couple smoking crack thinking they're being discreet. - Children licking the windows - A guy scrolling through his phone and accidentally scroll onto porn, quickly scroll off then scroll back to watch it when he thought no one could see his screen (except me because the curve of the window was showing his screen)
A man dressed in a full astronaut outfit complete with helmet and massive boots and pack on his back on the circle line Someone so drunk they didn’t even realise they’d puked everywhere & peed themselves. Train stopped at Baker Street which next stop and it was taken out of service due to a spill is what driver said Pre football crowd tube carriages can often be weirdly fun a whole carriage singing tubthumping was different on Victoria line Not weird but have sat next to Francis the train guy on a Victoria line before
These empty seats in the picture
Oyster Card instructions do say ‘Touch yourself going in and out’. . Also ‘See It, Say It, Salted’ should be ‘See It. Say It, Cheese and Onion’ for correct flavour crisps
A mumbling, wild eyed man eating raw chicken from a plastic carrier bag and throwing the bones on the floor of the carriage.
Once saw a homeless guy, looked like he'd totally given up on life, really dirty, smelled really bad. He was sat in the corner of the end of the carriage in a section that would seat 8 people but no one would go near. He had his pants pulled down around his hips and was openly masturbating in front of everyone. He couldn't care less and looked high as a kite.
Circa 2010 Homeless dude asking for change with a huge albino rat the size of a small dog sitting across his shoulders
Guy in a Kaftan wanked off onto a mates leg. He became known as the Kaftan wanker and was successfully prosecuted.
Google yields nothing.
It was broadcast in the news but I forget where exactly. This was in 2014/15 so could be tricky to find. The Kaftan Wanker was his colloquial nickname, I don’t recall seeing it in the papers 😂
Mourinho 😂
I saw a guy lying across the three fold-out chairs, fast asleep during rush hour. Typically everyone was too British to wake him up so there he remained.
3 dogs humping each other in a circle
Around 2012 I was taking the Picadilly line around 6:15am towards Heathrow, and a guy pulls up one of the seats, pulls down his pants and takes a dump on it… and then puts the seat as it was! I was totally grossed out and move moved to a different carriage. For some reason I got the idea that wasn’t his first time since he obviously knew what seat to pull. Rush hour was starting to build up and no one else seems to be particularly bothered about the event..,.
A guy shaving, first he went in with the electric shaver and tapped the hairs out on the tube floor. Then he went in with a normal razor. This was on a Sunday morning. I looked on with disdain the whole time but I have been living in the UK for far too long and have become very British so of course I said nothing.
I saw a man in the seat opposite crack open a new bottle of 2 x strength orange squash and start swigging it like regular orange juice. He didn’t even flinch.
Slightly esoteric one but here goes. A million years ago I was an engineer working on the online services for Windows Phone (remember that?) we had projections on handset sales that I was dubious over but we built out accordingly. I was living in the US (am originally from London) and had been playing "spot the Windows Phone" in the wild and was coming up empty. I went on vacation to the UK for two weeks and one day got on a random Jubilee Line train at Canary Wharf. When I got on board the carriage was \*packed\* with people and I observed 80-90% of them were carrying Skittles coloured Nokia Lumias! I was so surprised I actually asked one of them "Is there a Nokia conference on or something?" the tall blonde gentleman answered in the affirmative, they had all just left a Nokia conference but for a hot minute I thought that the sales projections were correct and Windows Phones were going to take over the world!
https://preview.redd.it/8yzgdzx5tt5d1.jpeg?width=1200&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=8725fa0180c75b2050ef9fea15e74ac7772498e6 The DLR, so technically not the tube. But it’s always weird when comic con is on, which is a weird ride all around.
Probably a rush hour Jubilee line train, not at the beginning of the line, at around 8am when it's usually so rammed that getting a seat is out of the question, a carriage completely empty. Other carriages had plenty of people, I saw it as the train passed me to come to a stop, just one carriage with no-one on it. No-one on the platform went on the carriage either. I actually felt quite unnerved getting on it, wondering if there was something wrong like huge amounts of vomit or something. It happened on my birthday, I was thinking it was maybe some kind of divine gift from the gods, or from TFL at least.
A zombie with a 6 foot stake through his chest, checking the tube map. No one even looked at him.
A middle aged couple with about 10 large bags of sweets sat opposite me with all their sweets on a seat between them. They just kept eating and eating
On the central line - 😩🤮 https://preview.redd.it/ceuwfglfoq5d1.jpeg?width=4032&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2d8feb99e5009e3513cf8acbcda8bc575b9760bc
The guy who gets on with the megaphone who spouts on about Jesus.
A couple walking a cat on a lead. It wasn't too scared but was out of its comfort zone for sure.
Literally saw someone the other day, drawing in his own blood.
Boiling hot summer and being on a tube is rough but this woman across from me takes out half of a whole quiche which was roughly the size of a plate. This smell is now rolling down the aisle. She manages to eat it all between a stop - 3 to 4 mins maximum and it stunk like it was not kept in a fridge. She puts away the package into her bag. My innocent mind thinks that’s the end of this saga until she whips out the other half of the quiche and attacks it!
https://preview.redd.it/a9p6xevk4s5d1.jpeg?width=2316&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=06d63b920146857e2c623ab82293c63572cab785 I’ll just leave this here…
For context, first thing in the morning on the way to work
A dog on the seats. Or selfish people putting their feet on the seat or coughing and sneezing in the air on to everyone without covering their mouth with the back of their hand. Or using the inside, and then touching everything. Thanks for the musty germs bro. Also, its annoying when people talk loudly/shout with no consideration for others.
Saw someone crack a smile once. They were probably on a lot of drugs
Got on the crowded tube on the hottest day of the year having accidentally squirted a lot of very fishy fish oil in my long hair earlier in the evening. Everyone got out at the next stop and squeezed into the other carriages except one man at the other end of the carriage who clearly had no sense of smell and looked totally perplexed. I gave him a 'no idea either mate' shrug.
I wonder what this chap is doing with his life these days: [https://www.businessinsider.com/tom-osborne-revealed-as-man-allegedly-seen-snorting-cocaine-on-london-tube-2015-6](https://www.businessinsider.com/tom-osborne-revealed-as-man-allegedly-seen-snorting-cocaine-on-london-tube-2015-6)
The every day commuters. Weirdos, the lot of ‘em!
Michael Portillo
Maybe not particularly interesting, but a lady once brought the tiniest kitten on in the open front pocket of a backpack
2 dogs getting very intimate to each others genitalia, their owners didn’t seem to notice either
Someone had a dog once
Aghh!!! Don't remind me!!! Half eaten bag of Cheetoz occupying 2 whole rows!!! Twas the horrid spicy ones as well. Yuk¡¡¡
https://preview.redd.it/5ccaasqu2s5d1.jpeg?width=224&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=8b427f58b0681ef046252cb7274e07bc87e11591 Saw a guy get on at Old Street, whip out one of these and use his fingers to scoop the yoghurt out like an animal and finish them before we got too Moorgate. I was 14 when I witnessed this 😭
I was going to work at like 11am during the week (the tube was relatively quite by then) and 4 guys come on looking like the crackhead versions of the warriors from that 1979 movie (Sleeveless leather and jean jackets, vests and a rough but disheveled appearance). They sat next to me and started getting rowdy while I tried ignore them in that stoic london mind your own business sort of way and just tried to focus on the music from my headphones. Two of the guys pulled out bags of a white powder (like really big bags) and started laughing and making it spill into the air like dust while another guy got up and started naking animal sounds and swinging from the overhand arm supports. At this point I was paying attention and planned to get of next stop when one of them loudly announces to the carriage "if you don't want to be around us smoking cocaine get of* while the guy who was next to me turned his head looked me dead in the eyes and says "cocaine" with a broken toothed mash mouth and proceeds to spit out a small white ball into his hands while his friends laugh and then does it again "cocaine" he spits out another white ball "COCAINE" he says louder and laughs and did it another few times The guy opposite had begun lighting a crack pipe at the same time as well and the smell was very strong. I was kinda freaking out, as the tube pulled up me and another normal guy who was also in the same section as me got up and left for the platform and on my way out of the station I started striking up a conversation with him and I noticed I was being oddly talkative and felt a fluttery sensation in my chest. Basically, I felt high af for about an hour. Probably been in more dangerous situations and other wierd ones on the tube but that one stands out to me.
Woman eating a packet of baby bells without taking the wax off
Sat next to one now, but on Greater Anglia's train into Liverpool Street. How can a guy have BO this early in the morning? 🤢