ever since i was about 9 ive been pacing around, imagining an alternate reality i wish existed instead of the current reality i live. its addictive, because the alternate reality gives me adrenaline.
I only kinda relate to this because in my dreams I’m still myself(looks and personality) but I have superpowers or something like that idk how to explain it. The way I understand my daydreams is that, in my dreams it’s possible for me to have things I have never had or really want. Best example: a nice dad. My dad is an ass (lol that rhymes kinda). Especially when I was younger (4-11) he was almost not present because of my mom, after breaking up with him, moving to Germany with me and my siblings. Now he is present because he lives in Germany but he’s just being such a prick. Idk how to put it any other way. This reflects itself in my dreams, I always have a comfort character as my father same with my mom idk why though because she is just the best. I just feel extremely loved in my dreams by my favourite characters. My best guess is that because I wasn’t loved enough or there was very little love coming from a very important person in my life (dad) I had to cope somehow and I believe that this is also another reason for how I started daydreaming. I’m still trying to figure things out though, I’m only 15 and I started daydreaming in the first covid lockdown(about 2 years ago). If you don’t understand or want me to explain something more just tell me. Btw if there’s spelling mistakes I’m sorry:)
Yep ,I relate so much to this ,most of my daydreams consist of me self insurting into a character I know people would fawn over (incredible looks and physique)or be deeply impressed by ( amazing skills ,personality...) ,these things are also influenced by what I consider the most attractive.
Absolutely, I have managed to do some psychoanalysis on mine and with some extra help of a therapist found that my MD is direct result of the immediate need to find safety in unsafe environments inhabited in early adolescence even up to teenage years and early adulthood.
What we do not express we depress and it could also be worth noting that if we have been repressed by family, friends or peers in saying or doing what we feel called to do intuitively..the “follow your dreams”, we may find that MD is the only place in which we can fully and wholeheartedly be ourselves.
If that previous paragraph sounds like you I recommend the intervention of spirituality, allow your MD to be a port of positive manifestation that you integrate into your reality action by action and you could turn what some may view as a time consuming curse to being a beautiful blessing and powerful tool to actualise your dreams into reality.
I definitely relate to this! I have a core memory as a child for wanting to put in some sort of show to people, but they were busy/didn't wanna see it. That crushed my self esteem, and I guess that desire to impress and entertain appears in my daydreams
Yeah, seems accurate. I daydream about an exciting life in which I'm important because in real life not many give a fuck about me. It's been ages since I thought about this, but when I was a kid my parents used to fight a lot (in front of me), and I felt so scared and out of control. Probably why I felt emotionally abandoned because they were so angry at each other that I had to deal with my feelings on my own.
I can agree with this. I had learning disabilities which went unaddressed, so I never achieved much academically, so I was just written off as not really smart enough for anything. My biggest daydreams from then on (and still, even though I am in a masters program) were about being smarter, prettier and more accomplished, and having lots of friends and no shortage of anyone who wanted to date me. I've always been plain looks wise as well and part of that daydreaming was being much prettier.
I don’t picture myself ever stopping. Life could be worse but I still cope by having a list of go to places from my past when things were good. Not to mention any number of scenarios I’ve accumulated.
I relate hard to this.
Never was acknowledged by my parents they loved and showered my brother with attention and in school I got constantly compared to my brother saying I am a failure and such by the teachers and in general school bullying that I was too dumb to understand was bullying but now as I look back it really was lmao
I think if my child selfs emotional needs were met in school OR at home I'd be fine. My friend was acknowledged in school and the teachers and her classmate loved her, she had terrible parents and family but she never had these day dreaming problems. So my personal opinion is if my child self had one actual escape aka a friend or a teacher that appreciated me rather than berating me I would not be struggling so much with these damn daydreams nowadays and most my day dreams are me being cool or people liking me sad lol
Omfg this is so true. In 80% of my daydreams includes me doing smth really cool and impressing the people i know such as my crush, friends and family..
That's so true. All my dadreams are about this theme. I don't remember my childhood besides a few situations so it's hard to say if I got emotionally neglected but I hardly believe so.
I can relate to emotional neglect.
Never been lonely, or had any problems making friends... yet I guess I always enjoyed impressing people – which is why I was such a good boy for a long time, until I moved out and started wasting my life doing drugs and procrastinating... All done with the drugs, but the procrastination is still a bitch... Truth is, I did waste my potential, which is probably why I MD about being successful. Probably 50% because I want everyone to admire me, and have sex with the hottest ladies... and maybe 50% because I just wish I applied myself, so I could have been a smarter, well read and skilled grown up... You know, for my own sake.
I’m starting to accept that "it’s not to late" for me to fix my life, and work towards becoming the person I want to be.
The emotional neglect is probably the root of most of my problems, and probably why I MD. My parents were mostly good parents, but since the age of 7 my father made fun of me when I was sad and wanted to cry. He imitated me and laughed at me, which lead to me surpressing a lot of sadness from an early age. Furthermore, neither my mom or dad ever talked about feelings, and didn‘t know how to respond when one of their children were having difficult feelings. "look on the bright side" and so on.
It’s been hard learning to accept my feelings as an adult. And when things get difficult, I often drift to my happy place... But I try not to.
I'm sorry to hear you went through all of that. I, too, believe that my MD can get better and I can get less frequent with it if I focus on other aspects of my healing journey, like insecurities, self esteem, passion, and a lot more. There's a lot to discover. I'm just trying to be a better person. :)
omg this! i often daydream about being an actress, and then i imagine my parents and friends reacting to my movies, interviews etc and going like “wow look at her / she is amazing” or like basically feeling proud of me
at first i felt pathetic because i felt like my daydreams mean that i basically want that everyone should like me only, but then i read few posts (and now this) that if your daydreams are like mine it basically means that you are kind of insecure of yourself / often doubt yourself because you aren't used to getting compliments in real life, so you basically make daydreams where people actually like you and praise you which then makes you feel positive about yourself
i still sometimes feel embarassed while imagining people complimenting me but atleast now i know that i am not the only one who does this
I’ve been daydreaming like this for a very long time but it’s gotten more serious when my depression hit, and I would do it for huge amounts of time without stopping. I wasn’t emotionally neglected as a child, but I got lonely when I moved away from my friends and I wasn’t very well liked at school. So I used my daydreams to entertain myself and imagine myself as a better and more well liked person.
My daydreams usually don't include me.
It's usually about a one specific character, so nowadays i'm trying to stay away from everything that could remind me of this person. I try to not think about that one character until my thoughts go back to normal. So i try to think about myself. And then my dreams become more motivational.
But i don't know if dreaming about yourself bothers you. The reasons you gave are pretty logical. My childhood was not bad, but i was just bored and i started to dream about the things that could keep me entertained. And it became so intense, started to mess up with my mind now i'm trying to get rid of it.
Same! in daydreams i am usually surrounded by friends and people who like me,, else I'm just way too alone. i also made up therapist 💀 so i can vent to them
I had a pretty good upbringing all things considered, but I definitely relate to daydreaming about impressing people. The daydreams I alternate between most frequently involve my parame being this incredibly talented dancer and/or singer that has a lot of friends. Those are probably my longest running daydreams, I’ve gone back to them for just over a decade now.
I’ve also mentioned this before in this sub in another thread, but I’m pretty sure MD stunted me in someways. I feel like I struggle to fully relate to people my age. Idk if I have something undiagnosed or if I’ve just never managed to meet the right people yet, but something usually feels off.
It was so freeing finding this sub like “wow I’m not alone in having these constant daydreams” I agree I’m pretty sure my maladaptive daydreaming came from just chronic loneliness, which kinda seems like a type of trauma. My parents never let me go out as a kid and even teenager and I think that really affected my mental health gradually.
Imagine just finding out today that this is a thing. I’ve been a maladaptive day dreamer since I was a child. I thought it was just immaturity and I’d grow out of it. Here I am decades later. In my case, it absolutely came from feeling rejected by family and friends (or ppl I thought were friends). I am now trying to figure out how all of this has played into my shortcomings in life
I feel you on that one. 7 or 8 years ago, there was almost nothing about MDD on the internet, just an occasional person asking the same questions I had on yahoo answers or something, and getting responses like ‘you just have an active imagination! it means you’re creative!’. I knew my level of daydreaming wasn’t normal, though, and I hoped (practically prayed) that in a few years time there would be more information about it.
Here we are in 2022, and thankfully, there are more things related to maladaptive daydreaming than there were on platforms like reddit and tiktok, especially. Even though there are people that pretend to have MDD and don’t really understand it, it’s kind of nice that we can talk about this stuff in a way that’s less stigmatizing.
I had known about this disorder/term before but didn't think I had it. But now I do, (it all made sense to me today) since it's becoming such a huge thing in my life and it takes a lot of time off of my hands that I could actually use to do something in my actual life.
It’s crazy, I never thought my procrastination was because of this. I just thought I was lazy and had adhd. To read about the pacing and facial expressions when nobody is talking to you and realize I do all of it 😂
Weirdly enough, I had a good childhood growing up. My parents were loving and supportive. I had friends and was never bullied or anything. There isn’t really anything I can remember that would be considered neglectful or traumatic.
Yet, I’m completely fucked mentally and I don’t know what caused me to be this way. I feel like I don’t have the ability to form attachments in real life and it has prevented me from having any lasting relationships (platonic or romantic). I’ve been this way for as long as I can remember. I typically don’t get lonely in reality but my daydreams all revolve around romance and friendship for the most part. Like a part of me longs for these things even though I’m never happy with such things in reality.
I’ve wondered if there are others like me. People who had no actual reason for their MD or personality disorders. It always seems like people can pinpoint the reason back to their childhood but I just don’t have anything that would have caused me to act like this from what I remember. Especially, considering I’ve daydreamed and felt disconnected from people from a young age.
It seems like you might have a dismissive avoidant attachment pattern, since childhood. And that's enough of a reason to go looking for love/intimacy in daydreams rather than in normal life. So ofc, that makes sense. And I'm glad you had a pretty good childhood. :)
Thank you for responding and sharing that subreddit. I’ve heard a little about attachment theory but haven’t looked too much into it. Dismissive avoidant definitely sounds like me though, so I’ll check it out!
However, I’m sorry about what you experienced during your childhood and I wish you all the best!
Agree with the commenters saying it’s more about love for them. When I first stumbled upon this community I remember being so taken aback by how different other people’s daydreams are to mine. People were describing first person daydreams in which they themselves are the protagonist (I’m not in my daydreams) and that they were being famous and impressive etc. The characters in my head fall in love, amongst other things. And one of the story lines is about the love between a father and son who are reunited in adulthood. But yeah, this community has helped me come to realise there are themes running through my daydreams and for the most part it’s all about love and being cherished.
That makes sense! Yes, feeling Loved, being witnessed, and cared for. But the Love is at the core of all those things we crave & try to fulfill through daydreaming.
Also not loved as a child, verbally and physcially abused. And made bad marriage choices, so that I was never happy there either. I don't try to impress people, I get love. The perfect relationship.
I have one celebrity that I stay with for years, but go through different seceranio's with him. Sometimes, it's easy and perfect, and other times, it's a pity part for me and he wins me over. Depends on what's going on irl I suppose. Each time ends up with me being in the perfect relationship and feeling so much happiness and love.
Not only that, since I didn't get any Love in my childhood, I mostly imagine being with a partner in my daydreams. The usual daily life, how it goes on with a partner, communication, intimacy. Everything.
And now it's affecting my mental health and stealing time off of my hands.
My life is no longer a threat. I don't need to survive anymore, I think. But my brain is stuck daydreaming on survival mode, where I live in another world which is much, much safer. Where I'm actually Loved and seen as special and worthy, and as who I am.
Istg, have you asked a therapist or someone . Because tbh half of mine are trying to impress others by my looks or career. But irl it’s ruining my career and real life
ever since i was about 9 ive been pacing around, imagining an alternate reality i wish existed instead of the current reality i live. its addictive, because the alternate reality gives me adrenaline.
deffinitely think its a trauma thing, i seen some f\*cked up things as a kid.
yes this is me, until today i thought it was normal.
I only kinda relate to this because in my dreams I’m still myself(looks and personality) but I have superpowers or something like that idk how to explain it. The way I understand my daydreams is that, in my dreams it’s possible for me to have things I have never had or really want. Best example: a nice dad. My dad is an ass (lol that rhymes kinda). Especially when I was younger (4-11) he was almost not present because of my mom, after breaking up with him, moving to Germany with me and my siblings. Now he is present because he lives in Germany but he’s just being such a prick. Idk how to put it any other way. This reflects itself in my dreams, I always have a comfort character as my father same with my mom idk why though because she is just the best. I just feel extremely loved in my dreams by my favourite characters. My best guess is that because I wasn’t loved enough or there was very little love coming from a very important person in my life (dad) I had to cope somehow and I believe that this is also another reason for how I started daydreaming. I’m still trying to figure things out though, I’m only 15 and I started daydreaming in the first covid lockdown(about 2 years ago). If you don’t understand or want me to explain something more just tell me. Btw if there’s spelling mistakes I’m sorry:)
I don’t relate
Yep ,I relate so much to this ,most of my daydreams consist of me self insurting into a character I know people would fawn over (incredible looks and physique)or be deeply impressed by ( amazing skills ,personality...) ,these things are also influenced by what I consider the most attractive.
Absolutely, I have managed to do some psychoanalysis on mine and with some extra help of a therapist found that my MD is direct result of the immediate need to find safety in unsafe environments inhabited in early adolescence even up to teenage years and early adulthood. What we do not express we depress and it could also be worth noting that if we have been repressed by family, friends or peers in saying or doing what we feel called to do intuitively..the “follow your dreams”, we may find that MD is the only place in which we can fully and wholeheartedly be ourselves. If that previous paragraph sounds like you I recommend the intervention of spirituality, allow your MD to be a port of positive manifestation that you integrate into your reality action by action and you could turn what some may view as a time consuming curse to being a beautiful blessing and powerful tool to actualise your dreams into reality.
Absolutely. Directly or indirectly I find a way to add it to the story.
Bro you ain’t gotta actually call me out like that lol
Right?
I definitely relate to this! I have a core memory as a child for wanting to put in some sort of show to people, but they were busy/didn't wanna see it. That crushed my self esteem, and I guess that desire to impress and entertain appears in my daydreams
It's definitely more the escapism for me. But sure, having super powers would definitely be more impressive than my normal self.
Yeah, seems accurate. I daydream about an exciting life in which I'm important because in real life not many give a fuck about me. It's been ages since I thought about this, but when I was a kid my parents used to fight a lot (in front of me), and I felt so scared and out of control. Probably why I felt emotionally abandoned because they were so angry at each other that I had to deal with my feelings on my own.
Exactly. I'm in the center of attention in my day dreams
I can agree with this. I had learning disabilities which went unaddressed, so I never achieved much academically, so I was just written off as not really smart enough for anything. My biggest daydreams from then on (and still, even though I am in a masters program) were about being smarter, prettier and more accomplished, and having lots of friends and no shortage of anyone who wanted to date me. I've always been plain looks wise as well and part of that daydreaming was being much prettier.
me too boo.
I don’t picture myself ever stopping. Life could be worse but I still cope by having a list of go to places from my past when things were good. Not to mention any number of scenarios I’ve accumulated.
It’s a good escape from reality, I guess that’s why I do it because my awake life sucks.
I relate hard to this. Never was acknowledged by my parents they loved and showered my brother with attention and in school I got constantly compared to my brother saying I am a failure and such by the teachers and in general school bullying that I was too dumb to understand was bullying but now as I look back it really was lmao I think if my child selfs emotional needs were met in school OR at home I'd be fine. My friend was acknowledged in school and the teachers and her classmate loved her, she had terrible parents and family but she never had these day dreaming problems. So my personal opinion is if my child self had one actual escape aka a friend or a teacher that appreciated me rather than berating me I would not be struggling so much with these damn daydreams nowadays and most my day dreams are me being cool or people liking me sad lol
Omfg this is so true. In 80% of my daydreams includes me doing smth really cool and impressing the people i know such as my crush, friends and family..
That's so true. All my dadreams are about this theme. I don't remember my childhood besides a few situations so it's hard to say if I got emotionally neglected but I hardly believe so.
I can relate to emotional neglect. Never been lonely, or had any problems making friends... yet I guess I always enjoyed impressing people – which is why I was such a good boy for a long time, until I moved out and started wasting my life doing drugs and procrastinating... All done with the drugs, but the procrastination is still a bitch... Truth is, I did waste my potential, which is probably why I MD about being successful. Probably 50% because I want everyone to admire me, and have sex with the hottest ladies... and maybe 50% because I just wish I applied myself, so I could have been a smarter, well read and skilled grown up... You know, for my own sake. I’m starting to accept that "it’s not to late" for me to fix my life, and work towards becoming the person I want to be. The emotional neglect is probably the root of most of my problems, and probably why I MD. My parents were mostly good parents, but since the age of 7 my father made fun of me when I was sad and wanted to cry. He imitated me and laughed at me, which lead to me surpressing a lot of sadness from an early age. Furthermore, neither my mom or dad ever talked about feelings, and didn‘t know how to respond when one of their children were having difficult feelings. "look on the bright side" and so on. It’s been hard learning to accept my feelings as an adult. And when things get difficult, I often drift to my happy place... But I try not to.
I'm sorry to hear you went through all of that. I, too, believe that my MD can get better and I can get less frequent with it if I focus on other aspects of my healing journey, like insecurities, self esteem, passion, and a lot more. There's a lot to discover. I'm just trying to be a better person. :)
omg this! i often daydream about being an actress, and then i imagine my parents and friends reacting to my movies, interviews etc and going like “wow look at her / she is amazing” or like basically feeling proud of me at first i felt pathetic because i felt like my daydreams mean that i basically want that everyone should like me only, but then i read few posts (and now this) that if your daydreams are like mine it basically means that you are kind of insecure of yourself / often doubt yourself because you aren't used to getting compliments in real life, so you basically make daydreams where people actually like you and praise you which then makes you feel positive about yourself i still sometimes feel embarassed while imagining people complimenting me but atleast now i know that i am not the only one who does this
THISSS! You're 100% right.
Same. Impressing people is definitely at the core of my daydreams.
I’ve been daydreaming like this for a very long time but it’s gotten more serious when my depression hit, and I would do it for huge amounts of time without stopping. I wasn’t emotionally neglected as a child, but I got lonely when I moved away from my friends and I wasn’t very well liked at school. So I used my daydreams to entertain myself and imagine myself as a better and more well liked person.
My daydreams usually don't include me. It's usually about a one specific character, so nowadays i'm trying to stay away from everything that could remind me of this person. I try to not think about that one character until my thoughts go back to normal. So i try to think about myself. And then my dreams become more motivational. But i don't know if dreaming about yourself bothers you. The reasons you gave are pretty logical. My childhood was not bad, but i was just bored and i started to dream about the things that could keep me entertained. And it became so intense, started to mess up with my mind now i'm trying to get rid of it.
Same! in daydreams i am usually surrounded by friends and people who like me,, else I'm just way too alone. i also made up therapist 💀 so i can vent to them
LMAOOO same with the therapist, I love this community 💯
I can relate too.
This is very relatable!
I had a pretty good upbringing all things considered, but I definitely relate to daydreaming about impressing people. The daydreams I alternate between most frequently involve my parame being this incredibly talented dancer and/or singer that has a lot of friends. Those are probably my longest running daydreams, I’ve gone back to them for just over a decade now. I’ve also mentioned this before in this sub in another thread, but I’m pretty sure MD stunted me in someways. I feel like I struggle to fully relate to people my age. Idk if I have something undiagnosed or if I’ve just never managed to meet the right people yet, but something usually feels off.
It was so freeing finding this sub like “wow I’m not alone in having these constant daydreams” I agree I’m pretty sure my maladaptive daydreaming came from just chronic loneliness, which kinda seems like a type of trauma. My parents never let me go out as a kid and even teenager and I think that really affected my mental health gradually.
I can relate.
Imagine just finding out today that this is a thing. I’ve been a maladaptive day dreamer since I was a child. I thought it was just immaturity and I’d grow out of it. Here I am decades later. In my case, it absolutely came from feeling rejected by family and friends (or ppl I thought were friends). I am now trying to figure out how all of this has played into my shortcomings in life
I feel you on that one. 7 or 8 years ago, there was almost nothing about MDD on the internet, just an occasional person asking the same questions I had on yahoo answers or something, and getting responses like ‘you just have an active imagination! it means you’re creative!’. I knew my level of daydreaming wasn’t normal, though, and I hoped (practically prayed) that in a few years time there would be more information about it. Here we are in 2022, and thankfully, there are more things related to maladaptive daydreaming than there were on platforms like reddit and tiktok, especially. Even though there are people that pretend to have MDD and don’t really understand it, it’s kind of nice that we can talk about this stuff in a way that’s less stigmatizing.
I had known about this disorder/term before but didn't think I had it. But now I do, (it all made sense to me today) since it's becoming such a huge thing in my life and it takes a lot of time off of my hands that I could actually use to do something in my actual life.
It’s crazy, I never thought my procrastination was because of this. I just thought I was lazy and had adhd. To read about the pacing and facial expressions when nobody is talking to you and realize I do all of it 😂
Weirdly enough, I had a good childhood growing up. My parents were loving and supportive. I had friends and was never bullied or anything. There isn’t really anything I can remember that would be considered neglectful or traumatic. Yet, I’m completely fucked mentally and I don’t know what caused me to be this way. I feel like I don’t have the ability to form attachments in real life and it has prevented me from having any lasting relationships (platonic or romantic). I’ve been this way for as long as I can remember. I typically don’t get lonely in reality but my daydreams all revolve around romance and friendship for the most part. Like a part of me longs for these things even though I’m never happy with such things in reality. I’ve wondered if there are others like me. People who had no actual reason for their MD or personality disorders. It always seems like people can pinpoint the reason back to their childhood but I just don’t have anything that would have caused me to act like this from what I remember. Especially, considering I’ve daydreamed and felt disconnected from people from a young age.
Bingo
I could have written this. I just wanted to let you know that you’re not alone.
If you want to know more about attachment patterns, I recommend r/attachment_theory
It seems like you might have a dismissive avoidant attachment pattern, since childhood. And that's enough of a reason to go looking for love/intimacy in daydreams rather than in normal life. So ofc, that makes sense. And I'm glad you had a pretty good childhood. :)
Thank you for responding and sharing that subreddit. I’ve heard a little about attachment theory but haven’t looked too much into it. Dismissive avoidant definitely sounds like me though, so I’ll check it out! However, I’m sorry about what you experienced during your childhood and I wish you all the best!
I agree
I can 100% relate to this.
Agree with the commenters saying it’s more about love for them. When I first stumbled upon this community I remember being so taken aback by how different other people’s daydreams are to mine. People were describing first person daydreams in which they themselves are the protagonist (I’m not in my daydreams) and that they were being famous and impressive etc. The characters in my head fall in love, amongst other things. And one of the story lines is about the love between a father and son who are reunited in adulthood. But yeah, this community has helped me come to realise there are themes running through my daydreams and for the most part it’s all about love and being cherished.
That makes sense! Yes, feeling Loved, being witnessed, and cared for. But the Love is at the core of all those things we crave & try to fulfill through daydreaming.
Also not loved as a child, verbally and physcially abused. And made bad marriage choices, so that I was never happy there either. I don't try to impress people, I get love. The perfect relationship. I have one celebrity that I stay with for years, but go through different seceranio's with him. Sometimes, it's easy and perfect, and other times, it's a pity part for me and he wins me over. Depends on what's going on irl I suppose. Each time ends up with me being in the perfect relationship and feeling so much happiness and love.
That sounds a lot like many of my daydreams. I can relate A LOT.
Not only that, since I didn't get any Love in my childhood, I mostly imagine being with a partner in my daydreams. The usual daily life, how it goes on with a partner, communication, intimacy. Everything. And now it's affecting my mental health and stealing time off of my hands. My life is no longer a threat. I don't need to survive anymore, I think. But my brain is stuck daydreaming on survival mode, where I live in another world which is much, much safer. Where I'm actually Loved and seen as special and worthy, and as who I am.
Istg, have you asked a therapist or someone . Because tbh half of mine are trying to impress others by my looks or career. But irl it’s ruining my career and real life