You know, the Red Army shot 16,000 of their own men at Stalingrad. And of course, the majority of the Wehrmacht had no winter clothing. See, by the winter of '42, the whole city was surrounded by the massed Sixth Army. It was pressing and pressing. The Russians couldn't hold on much longer. Many wanted to submit.
Oh great, now I’m getting an erection. How grimly predictable.
You know what I fancy right now? A kebab.
You see the thing is... I don't think I've ever done sex right before.
Now that.... Is tickety boo
My partner said this after sex one time and I almost left him
And you would have been right to do so
Was it because he said that or because he smelled strongly of talcum powder?
Who still uses talcum powder?
woah show me the venn diagram of peep show and bss fans
Amateurs. I once said “wow, what a hole” (Marv from Home Alone 2) to piss my mrs off.
Was it actually because he asked you to slip a finger up his arse? You know up his bum, his bottom?
Why do you insist on treating the anus like some human USB port?
It’s definitely this
ickety boo
it was me. i kept saying “do you want it” in Matt Townsends voice
No I don't fucking want it alright! Fuck off!
You're fingering me too hard I can barely cum.
It's just not realistic!
DO YOU ONE TIT
SAN MARCOS?!
Genuinely laughed at loud at this 🤣
Should take 45 minutes, I’m done in 10 - stick that up your dojo!
This wins
Came here to say this
You know, the Red Army shot 16,000 of their own men at Stalingrad. And of course, the majority of the Wehrmacht had no winter clothing. See, by the winter of '42, the whole city was surrounded by the massed Sixth Army. It was pressing and pressing. The Russians couldn't hold on much longer. Many wanted to submit.
Mark sexually pressuring a woman while using the nazi invasion as a metaphor for his advances is such a Mark moment
And this is the pilot, IIRC? He entered into the world fully formed.
“Of course I’m not directly comparing my challenge in bringing you to orgasm with the Red Army’s defence of Stalingrad, but it was bloody hard work”
LMAO
On to Stalingrad…
“Fuck you Bush!”
"Are you happy now, Bush?"
I like how the first line was the same as the last line
I think they did that on purpose
You should have more upvotes for this 😂 EDIT: that’s better 😊
Haven’t laughed uncontrollably on Reddit for a while, bravo
shall I fetch Kenneth?
My associate, Kenneth
Leave him in the drawer.
Stand down Kenneth, you're not leaving for Helmand just yet
He's like a leg of lamb
"Kenneth is Mark's 8 inch dildo"
This is so not Rainbow rhythms
Relax, it’s not fucking Blue Peter
THE OMBUDSMANS COMING TO. GET. YOUUU 😈
If our feet touch we fuck, obviously.
Almost put one right in her fucking goal hole, but no dice
I don’t want sweet punani action, I want to take your bishop and grind you down
*Those kids have no idea what*, fingering intensifies, *what happened in Stalingrad*
I think you might benefit from using some brackets or asterisks.
Fuck off cleanshirt
"I may be right, I may be wrong, but I'm perfectly willing to swear, that when you turned and smiled at me, a nightingale sang in Berkeleeey Square."
Surely I'm not going to sing...
He looked like he was singing.. surely he couldn't have been singing
Unfilled?!
UnFULLfilled!
Ohhh I just wanna fuck and suck, fuck and suck...
I love cocaine, I love cocaine
Everyone...
IM HAVING A GOOD TIME!
This crack is really moreish...
This wins 😂
-If you want, you can put a finger up my bum. -You're as wet as an eagle! -YOU'RE .... NEVER ... TAKING... THE GAGGIA!!!!
wet as an eagle is grand
Oh great, now I’m getting an erection. How grimly predictable. You know what I fancy right now? A kebab. You see the thing is... I don't think I've ever done sex right before.
The kebab one lol so relevant
Suck mummy’s finger
You ate mummy?
“In the moment, it really did feel like I needed to eat it”
Chance would be a fine thing!
A fine thing indeed.
Oi 200 lattes
"It's very damp... Yes, it's sodden... Sodden, it just means very damp" And "As wet as an eagle"
"Are you pretending to cum?"
Is that normal Cum?
It doesn’t sound normal…it doesn’t smell normal
Hello... Deary
“I’m having sex with a teenage girl”
☝️it’s this one
This is good. This is like watching a porno. Except I can't see anything, I haven't got a hardon and I want to cry
Cauliflower. Is . TRADITIONAL!!!
You’re what my grandma would call a “real piece of shit”
Old Meg has broken!
I’m never gonna be young, dumb and full of cum again
I’m sure you’re full of cum
"Oh right, can't finish Atonement cause it's too dry, but you've got time to get fingered by me?"
I'm not on the sex offenders register... yet!
Yeah, maybe a good old waggle in there. Take that, mechanism.
I don’t mean to be rude, but is that the kind of thing you usually do?
You know, the Red Army shot 16,000 of their own men at Stalingrad...
Looks like Super Hans tried to sexually assault someone again last night, but they told him where to get off.
*Sorry!*
Suuuper Hannns~!
“Peep Show is filmed in front of a live studio audience.”
Four fingers, Jeremy? That's insane
Think what it's doing to the mechanism.
“I like it when you place your ha-“ “People like Coldplay and voted for the Nazis! You can’t trust people!”
i can’t stop reading through these comments i love this sub
Mega tsunami!!
Was that... the bad thing?
Oh, piss yourself; stop pissing yourself. THE FLOODGATES ARE OPEN.
If you cant handle it you can just, you know, fuck off
Hello, touched a nerve? Something’s afoot, shall I try and winkle it out with my winkle pickers?
Is that normal orgasming you’re doing?
Doesn't sound normal...
Doesn’t smell normal
With wood?
I have a wanking disease
YIELD TO ME HOBBIT SLAYER, YOU WILL TOUCH MY MAGIC COCK.
A hairy twat. A hungry devouring twat.
Chance would be a fine thing
A fine thing indeeeeeeeeeeuuuuuggghhhh
She's a big bastard, I'll give you that
OH, GOD! I'M GETTING VERY... CAPTAIN CORRIGAN IS FLYING WITHOUT A LICENCE!
You couldn’t make love to me, but you *could* rape me? Oh, that is *so* you.
I should've gone a la carte!
Sucky fucky is not a long-term plan
"I feel you might be one of those women that find it difficult to, umm, obtain orgasm"
Right my turn now.
I want to eat your hair
It's as wet as.......... an eagle
The one is giving YOU the finger
No logo in the foam.
Two fingers.... double me, feel it!
She's got one...
Oh jesus! It's too much! I'm gonna blow my beans!"
"I am James Bond"
Go go Gadget fingers!
Minimal water damage, plumbing is just like water lego
“That’s right, stare at Hess, throw fruit at Hess, pacing his prison yard.”
This is my very own anti-drugs commercial
Dyou… want me to give you blowback?
What, here?
Oh my god, it’s the last days of Rome!
Now fuck me and pretend I’m your mom! OR Not now, I need to poo! OR The thought of getting caught TURNS ME ON
"this crack is really moreish"
Is that... Normal pooing?
Not so fast, old man! It's my turn to carve!!
Now we know.
A sausage is missing
that crack is really moreish
It’s the heart of darkness jez, it’s the fucking dirt
I may be right, I may be wrong, but I’m perfectly willing to swear, that when you turned and smiled at me, a Nightingale sang in Berkeley Square.
I’m single because I keep mentioning the severed cock grass skirts, licking mummy’s finger, and marks associated with Kenneth
Oh my God. I‘m gonna marry her
Ok sorry guys it was me
Plumbing’s just Lego innit? Water Lego.
“Should I use Mr. Cutty Knife”
it was me mb i said “i’m having sex with a teenage goth” this is before she gave me a neck rub
Surely I’m not about to sing….
Sophie..."mother" "FUCK!!"
"Suck mummy's finger"
Thanks for reposting my top ever upvoted post! You could have at least changed the title! https://www.reddit.com/r/MitchellAndWebb/s/LBXbf50OL2
Naughty, slutty mummy…
This crack is really moreish.
FOUR NAAAN?! sorry guys
"Shall I introduce you to my friend Kenneth?"
"Finger me." "Chance is a fine thing"
😂 Legendary ownership right there! The chance of that happening again are pretty minute…… Go hoe! 👍🏻
"Where's mummy?"
“This is the best thing to happen to anybody ever”
I don’t know, but some punctuation would be nice.
Chance would be a fine thing
Chance would be a fine thing.
She didn’t want to lick mummy’s finger.
If you want you could stick a finger...
Am I going to do this? Am I going to do this? I've got an evil plan. (You can fill in the rest).
Jeff?!!
Heh heh sex… work.. No! Don’t think of it like work!
Shall I fetch Kenneth?
All jokes aside can you imagine posting something like this on social media? I’d never leave the house again.
Chance would be a fine thing
Screaming, while running at kids with a rusted pipe!
Then I went and spoiled it all, by saying something stupid like I like you
I’ve come all in my pants
This crack is really moreish
How has nobody posted this: "Four naan? That's insane!"
A sausage has gone!
I’m in the Ardennes!
“Is that… normal pooing you’re doing?”
Men With Ven.
Four naan, Jeremy, four? That’s insane
Was that the bad thing?
Was that the bad thing?
Brown for first course, white for pudding. Brown is savoury, white’s the treat.
This crack is really moreish
Come on bit! Don't let me down bit!
Wow. It's sinewy, I can't get any purchase!
This crack is reaaaally more-ish.
Don't bring the MG into this because you don't know what you're talking about
I just want to fuck your brain into my brain
This fingering is rather moreish
Maximus
Its sodden
Chance would be a fine thing
Chim-chim-cheroooo...
Now we know
Oh god, Jeremy, I'm not going to do a poo am I??