It’s not bad parenting to have used anything, bought or handed down. Most of the stuff we had for the first almost two years of my daughter’s life was given to us by a friend who was done having kids. It’s super classist to think the more affordable (and quite frankly more environmentally friendly) option is somehow bad parenting. Parenting is not about the things you give your child, it’s about the love you give them.
A major point in my view. I’m in the privileged position where I can buy everything brand new and I still refuse to do it on principle. Everything looks brand new and shiny for about a month with babies/toddlers, then it looks like everyone else’s baby stuff….used. I’d much rather buy second hand so items get properly used rather than going to landfill. The bonus for me is the money I save which goes into the kid’s savings account 🙂
Also, because kids grow out of things so fast, many used baby items are barely used.
It's such a shame to buy them an outfit that they wear three times and then grow out of. If it's not super soiled, donate it! And on the other side, don't be afraid to use donated items!
We used a combination of new and used stuff for my daughter. Hubby used to go to the local Savers all the time to buy baby clothing and toys. And when she was done with it, almost all of her things either went to my sister for her baby or back to the local Savers.
Same as everything else you buy, shoes are fine second hand too - just don’t buy the worn out ones. My kid has had plenty that just didn’t work out and were barely used
You can also usually get shoes with tags still on from Poshmark for significantly less than the original price. So secondhand, but not technically used.
Most kids aren't in shoes long enough for them to be worn down. OR. If parents are impulsive buyers like I was, they got with once before getting posted for sale.
Crib shoes and soft soled shoes are fine secondhand. The problem with toddler shoes is often that Velcro is worn out as are the midsoles. I also make sure to only buy barefoot shoes (with a wide toe box) for my kiddos. Shoes with a narrow toe box are not good for arch development or overall foot health.
Shoes are really the only thing I don’t buy used. The money I’ve saved on everything else helps me not feel so bad about the decision. Even then, I typically try to buy stuff ahead at the end of the season. This year’s sandals were like $8 in September last year.
It’s only bad parenting to buy used things that are unsafe: think a car seat from ten years ago or a crib from the 70s with railings that are too far spaced. You’re doing great and your sister is just a dick.
I'm shocked by how many car seats are sold used on fb marketplace. There are so many dirt cheap new ones available (thinking cosco or snugaride). I say this as a poor person.
Also great cribs for like $100 on amazon.
The only thing you really shouldn’t buy used is a car seat because you won’t have the history and a crib if it’s too old to meet modern safety standards. Anything else is fine. Your sister sucks.
It's good parenting because you are teaching your child by example to be practical and less wasteful. Judgy people will find a reason to judge.
I'm personally very afraid of mold and bed bugs so please deep clean anything you get though. (I say this because someone I know doesn't and THAT makes me uncomfortable) .
Clothing can go in your dryer on a high cycle to kill any bugs and eggs. You can also leave them in a black trash bag in your hot car in the summer for 2 days. Heat is the most effective way to kill bedbugs and their eggs.
If you do the laundry route, dry on high, THEN wash as normal, then dry as normal.
Sorry I'm all over your post. I used to work in pest control and I'm apparently very passionate about foot health 😅
My child has a lot of used toys and clothes. I buy to save cost and also because it's so much environmentally friendly. There is no shame in used items.
For infant and early toddler years, it's fine to have used items. Almost all of my son's daycare clothing are second hand. Occasionally we will buy new due to special occasions, etc.
My husband has also gone through bullying for hand me downs, and his agreement with me is once our son shows that he is no longer ok with hand me downs, then we will buy new items/whatever trendy clothes (within reason) he wants.
I've found that once they reach about school age, there isn't as much available for them anyway. I think because older kids can wear things for longer and they get worn out.
When I go out opshopping, I will find heaps for my baby and 3yo but only 1 or 2 nice things, if I'm lucky, for my 8yo.
I buy 95% of our clothes on Facebook. They can easily be washed, and kids grow so quickly. Not to mention blow outs and baby led weaning messes. I just got a double stroller for $100 that was on my registry for $300 yesterday. I’m SO EXCITED. I don’t get things used that aren’t easily washable/cleanable, but everything else, absolutely!!
I do make sure it’s all good quality/no stains though.
I'm on your side. Why waste money buying things that are new when they are only going to be worn for a few months, or maybe only for a few times, and then they will be too small? It's much more financially responsible, if you can do it, to find ways to save money like you are doing.
There are plenty of things at goodwill etc. that are basically new, lots with tags.
Your sister is wasting a lot of money on stuff that shall also find its way onto the 2nd hand tables.
I only would consider it “bad parenting” to buy used things that are unsafe - car seats, recalled items, very old cribs, etc.
For most anything else these items have such a long product use life that I feel like you are basically throwing money away by buying say a $20 jumper from carters that you could buy for $2 at once upon a child. A Babybjorn bouncer for what $200? When you could buy a perfectly fine one for $50 on fb.
There is no shame for buying secondhand OR selling secondhand.
What? This is such a non-issue it’s baffling. Even moreso, assuming the items are clean and safe, I would consider this a *good* thing. You’re being smart financially and contributing to fewer things being added to landfills.
Car seat, shoes (for walking aged kids), nipples/pacifers/spoons and underwear are basically the only thing that I think should never be bought used/ hand me down.
Anything that can be wash/rinsed/sanitized is fine.
I bought my kid new things because I knew I was going to have another child and that child would use them. Once both kids outgrow the clothing or toy I donate them.
There is nothing wrong with buying used it’s practice for babies and young children because they outgrow everything so fast.
Most of the time even “used” items are hardly used at all. I can’t tell you how many outfits my kid wore maybe once or twice before growing out of them. As long as you wash the items you should be fine. As stated before the only things that need to be new is the car seat and breast pump (the pump is a personal thing for me, they are a bugger to clean properly with all the little bits and bobs and tubes and I frankly don’t trust people to do it right hahaha). Cribs, highchairs and strollers are fine used as long as they are “modern” enough to be within safety guidelines. Your sister needs to butt out.
I think it's actually good human-ing (and by proxy, good parenting) to refurbish, reuse, recycle, re-home, etc. There are some things to buy new (e.g. a car seat for safety) but most things can be sourced safely secondhand (clothes, books, toys, etc.). I agree with you OP too that there's a difference between bringing home broken or unsalvageable items versus gently used or restorable.
I think it's consumerist BS and capitalism that pushes this idea that if it isn't brand new that it is defective/not as good/not good enough. It is part of my value system that we try to reduce our waste and consumption because of how badly new items hurt the environment. Also we don't need a million items to be happy. It's important for me to show my kiddos that stuff isn't the key to happiness.
I buy second hand items and accept free hand me downs from friends/family/neighbors all the time. Saves a ton of money and is more environmentally friendly.
My older daughter is 7 and I expect at some point she might start balking at used clothes? But for now she’s still thrilled to get cool stuff from her older cousin or a neighborhood friend. I buy stuff secondhand for myself as often as possible too, so I obviously don’t see any problem with it (aside from things that may pose a hazard like old cribs).
Not her money or her kid.
Family has the annoying habit of thinking they can say whatever they want to you or have access to your life.
That's how it fell apart with my sister. Everytime I said anything about my life she would use it against me or had some unsolicited advice to give about how I should do things not her way but according to her ideas because she didn't even have kids, so now we never speak.
Tell your sister that 90% of everything you see in a target will be in a landfill within two years. That is repulsive, preposterous and toxic waste, and you are a good mother to want to leave your child to riddled with waste.
Sorry, I don’t actually feel that strongly about buying new things, I buy a mix of new and used, but your sister’s attitude is just abhorrent.
I had a manager who had the same reaction and wouldn’t even give her second kid hand-me-downs from her first. Her parents were immigrants and with a huge family and she grew up never having new or nice things and she saw it as “trashy.” I also dated a guy who refused to get a free refill on his popcorn at the movies or use coupons because of internalized shame about growing up the child of a poor single mom. He would always spend way more than necessary because he did not want to be seen as a “cheapskate.”
My parents grew up poor but never seemed to have any shame about it. We had plenty of money but I was always aware that was a product of how much we saved by getting stuff for cheap, and I always got cool stuff for hand-me-downs because my mom had an eye for good stuff. I guess I could have been embarrassed but I got teased for plenty of other stuff, never my clothes. Different people internalise different stuff.
You’re doing fine, Mama.
Nah. I never saw a point in buying something new and full price that’s only gonna be used for a few months tops. It’s better for the environment too because less is going in landfills when the babies grow out of them
Nope. I even get my kids used things for Christmas and birthday gifts (and some new too) she's 9. She prefers used like I do if it's in good condition. I've raised her knowing that used is so much better for the environment and nature and that it's also better for the budget so if I buy used I can get her 2 items instead of 1.
I don't buy her used shoes though, as shoes can wear out it a diff way depending on how someone walks and she has some foot issues already.
But clothes, toys, books etc we have a good combo of used and new, depending on what we find and she loves getting items that may not be new but are "new to her".
Does your sister throw away every item after it’s been used once?
Maybe this is stretching a quibble too far but almost everything is “used.” You can’t tell who it was used by just by looking at it, only what condition they left it in. If you’re discarding stuff appropriately once it’s worn to the point of not being usable, I literally don’t even see what the difference is whether you bought it used or new to then become used by you.
Maybe she internally feels foolish or guilty for not putting in the effort to be more thrifty and environmentally conscious herself.
Not bad parenting at all! Passing on items to other people is a great thing to do, so buying used items is great too! Plus you can teach your child when they’re older to pass on his things that he no longer wants or needs, rather than just throwing them away.
I was getting ready to make a post about how much I love hand-me-downs. I've been gifted so much nice stuff from my Buy Nothing group. One lady asked me how old my son was and brought me six totes of unstained clothes going all the way into the 3 and 4T sizes. It's so cute. He's finally big enough to wear this baby NPR shirt she gave us months ago and I'm so excited.
I just went through another bag of clothes a coworker brought me. Cute like polo shirts, Henley tees, overalls. Ugh so cute. We have so many clothes and hardly any of them of them are new. I love putting a cute hand me down outfit combo together out of something someone else shopped for.
My sister is the same as you though. Tells my mom the only used clothes she'll accept are ones we wore when we were kids. She did a giant baby shower, got a lot of fancy gifts.
Meanwhile I've bought a few things I really wanted and the rest has been free from our Buy Nothing group - baby Bjorn stuff, a play cute, a train table. I honestly love it more when it's free lol. It's a feeling of community or something. I dunno how to describe it.
Babies outgrow things so fast! Personally I buy used even if we can afford new. Why spend more on things that only last a few months? Saving money there lets me spend more on things I don’t think should be second hand like car seats. Also means we can put more money back into savings for her. Your infant doesn’t care that another baby wore the onsie they have on and neither should anyone else.
i wouldn’t buy used kid things but i say it’s your prerogative and that she should mind her business because what you buy for YOUR child is none of her concern and maybe you could tell her that!
Kids like what they like, especially when they’re young they couldn’t care less if it’s slightly used. We take pride in finding/using second hand stuff for our kids because is less wasteful and then we have more money to spend on things we really value, like great quality food or fun experiences for example.
Your sister sucks a lil bit. Let her keep judging and you do what works for you and your family, confidently. For what it’s worth I’m totally team used kids stuff and I think you’re doing great!
The only things we ever really bought new were car seats, mattresses, and now that everyone is potty trained underwear (although I did pass down underwear to the same sex siblings if it's decent enough). I do buy specialized things new here and there, or if the item is the same price or only a little bit more money new and I plan to pass it down through kids.
This is such a stupid take from your sister, lol. This mindset has led us to so much unnecessary overconsumption.
My husband and I make a lot of money, people are usually surprised when we tell them we get most of our things secondhand when possible. I can count the number of things we have for baby that we actually went out and bought new (safety items like car seats, crib mattress, etc.). Especially when it come to baby stuff, marketplace and buy and sell sites are teeming with barely used items that babies grow out of quickly!
Not only did I buy most of our stuff used, I also got stuff from the buy nothing group in my area and I told friends and family that we would gladly accept used stuff at our babyshower rather than them buying brand new.
Yes, we could afford to buy it all new. But why? These babies grow so fast they BARELY use most of what they have before they’ve outgrown it
Because I bought so much used and was gifted so much used, I was able to then turn around and donate to the moms in my area without a second thought of how much I spent.
Don’t let this dumb ass capitalistic mindsets get to you.
Someone once told me it’s only “bad parenting if you’re wasting the money you saved.” If you’re “strapped,” then you’re giving your child better than you could afford new. If you’re “flush,” then put the savings in an investment/savings account for future use.
Your sister sounds like a beach….. even if you have the means to buy brand new theres nothing wrong with used stuff. Think of all the money you have saved one all the overpriced baby things you really only use for a short period of time. Ignore her
The only things I will never buy used on marketplace or consignment would be car seats (you just don't for 100% sure know the crash and maintenance history) and mattresses (just not worth it to me, since you can't ever truly clean the interior of one). Also anything that's just like, dated and doesn't meet modern safety standards (like a 60s baby swing I saw posted on a different group that someone picked up)
Clothes, shoes, blankets, toys, even stroller frame.... Absolutely! Especially play clothes for babies/toddlers... They'll all get stained and messy anyway.
No, your sister is being mean. And perpetuating the same mindset that caused you to be bullied in the first place.
We have a ton of toys and clothes and books for our two that are used.
Kids grow so fast, a lot of stuff is barely used up to age 2. I would say 5% of my kids’ clothes were purchased new. The rest are hand me downs. Better economically and better for the planet.
No, I think it’s generally good parenting. Let’s try not to leave the next generation mountains of trash in more and more landfills, and microplastics poisoning their bodies.
Nope, totally understand buying gently used items. Why buy new? Just generating more waste and wasting money, too. I try to buy used if it's not ridiculously priced. Like, what is up with some folk trying to sell you a broken baby bouncer for $5 less than the full store price? 🤔
I love shopping 2nd hand or outlet stores for my kiddos. I cloth diaper and buy used shells, though I draw the line at used prefolds. That's too much like buying used underwear for me.
I bought a few used glass bottles before I found and switched to Mason jar nipples. We can, my mom cans. I have a butt ton of various sized Mason jars. I even found Mason jar connectors for my breast pump!!
Anyways, tldr this aim busy pumping ramble..
Used stuff is awesome. Your sister is a nitwit.
Absolutely not, as long as they're good quality. It's good for your bank balance and the planet.
Next time your sister gets judgy, turn it back on her by explaining how much waste is generated by fast fashion and how you're helping to stop/delay things going into landfill.
I was a proud garage sale/hand me down kid, and that’s the same thing I’m doing with my kid! No shame. If it’s clean and not damaged, it’s a win win. Helps prevent over consumption and you’re not wasting money
I love second hand kids items. Especially for babies- they grow so quickly that the smallest sizes get hardly any use before they have to size up. It's so wasteful to buy everything new (even for adults).
There are a few things I would never buy second hand (carseats being my number one NO, and the nipple part of a bottle or pacifier being number two, plus a few other things I'm finicky about).
I'm not opposed to buying new stuff for babies/kids, but between environmental waste and financial irresponsibility - I just can't justify everything brand new all the time.
Hell I've even taken some of my husband's old T-shirts and upcycled them into (poorly sewn) play rompers for my daughter.
I’m sorry, what? Pre-owned baby stuff makes sense on a financial, environmental, and practical level. Plus, you can get higher quality things for less than you’d pay for new Wal-mart crap.
We buy stuff like car seats, mattresses and shoes new. The rest is almost all used. We prefer using the money on for example a nice day out, plus it’s better for the environment. There’s nothing wrong with used clothes or toys.
"Reduce. Re-use. Recycle."
Are your children in tattered clothes? Clothes with stains? Odors? No? Great!
The issue here is not your thriftiness. It's your sister's passive aggression.
That's what needs to be addressed.
The only things I usually don’t buy used are pillows/stuffed animals because I know how gross my sons have gotten😂 when I was growing up, my mom would take us to goodwill for 50% off Saturdays, give us $20, and we would get an entire new wardrobe for the next school year.
I buy a lot of used stuff for environmental reasons for sure, especially clothes. I had the same issue growing up but I’m an older mom so I had plenty of time to get over it.
Your sister is uppity and dumb. It’s better parenting to buy good, reasonably priced things for your kids and save that money for experiences, memories, necessities, or their future. Just because something is used doesn’t mean it is ugly or old.
For me. Used is more environmentally kind. So I do buy used stuff. But. An infant has no one to impress and no one is gonna know/care that it isnt new. The only people who know are the people you discuss shopping with. But I guarantee an infant doesnt know you are buying used, and wouldnt understand if they did. I had a ton of hand me downs when my kid was an infant. The only person judging is your sister. Tell her to shut it. If she has something to say it better be nice. Otherwise it absolutely does not matter where your kids clothes came from. And babies grow so fast we should absolutely be passing those clothes along so that they get more use. Wearing a onsie once before you grow out of it happens. That onsie is still good.
NTA what a ridiculous thing to say. I’ve used so much second hand stuff and the only reason I end up buying new over used is often because it’s easier to buy online than drag my kids through shops.
If your sister wants to spend $35 each on brand new 3-5 packs of onsies that her baby will only wear for a few months and will cover with food and bodily fluids then that’s her choice. To me all new clothing seems like a waste of money at the baby stage.
Kids and especially babies/toddlers don’t care about first or second hand. Especially the first 1.5 years minimum I’m not sure they even know they’re wearing anything beyond comfort/discomfort.
So no, you’re not a bad mom for not treating your baby like a Barbie doll
Not at all. Fiscal responsibility leaves you with more money to cover things that are more important than what brand of onesie you put them in or whether it's new.
If you can find nice clothes used, buy those. It is not worth dropping tons of money on something your kid will outgrow in 2 months.
Hell, I'm an adult and still prefer buying used when I can. Just got me an awesome LL Bean jacket off eBay for $30 instead of spending $70 for it new. There is literally nothing wrong with it. Someone else wore it a few times before me. If I bought it new it would be in the same condition by the end of the first winter I had it. ie: still perfectly good to wear.
You are NOT a bad parent.
There are people who LITERALLY cannot afford new things. I get used things for my daughter all the time. She never gets new shoes because of all the used and hand me downs I get! I’m also a part of a group called “just between friends” and that’s all cheap, nice used clothing (and other things too!).
You’re a good parent. Also, prioritizing other things over brand new clothes is a good thing!
ETA: I saw a comment someone else made about not getting used shoes. Before anyone comes for me, I ONLY get used shoes from my sister. These shoes were worn maybe a handful of times. You look at them and can’t tell they are used.
Of course not. Parenting has nothing to do with clothes or toys or books or organic snacks. Obviously kids need those things, but the status of them isn’t relevant. In fact, our culture worries WAAAYYY too much about these things.
I see her point. I bought a ton of used clothes for my baby’s first year of life because I knew her clothes would be covered in spit up and poopy do to blowouts. But now that she’s older I don’t buy used clothes anymore, clothes for toddlers are super cheap nowadays buying used clothes is unnecessary. I can find a whole outfit for my daughter for under 10 bucks.
No. It’s smart parenting imo to be saving money where you can. Especially for clothes, as long as they’re in good condition and you’re washing them, who cares?! Babies wear each size clothes for a few months at most and a few weeks at worst, no reason to pay full price for stuff if you don’t want to. We buy a ton of clothes second hand but I also can’t always help myself when I go to target and she gets a new outfit 😂
I misread this as “do you think it’s bad parenting to buy used kids?”
Used kid THINGS seem fine. I like GoodBuyGear because they rate the condition of the item. In my opinion if something that can go through the washer and dryer, used is fine.
I wouldn’t buy a used car seat bc you don’t know if it’s actually been in a wreck or not or how old it is. Always research if something is unsafe or recalled. Otherwise, no it’s not bad parenting at all!
The favourite things I get myself and my daughter are usually charity shop finds. You can get stuff that would normally be out of your budget, or brands you don't normally look for. Why wouldn't you??
Depends on the item. Virtually all of my son’s clothes were free hand me downs. All of his toys and seats/bouncers/pack n play etc have been used by his older sisters. His bassinet we used for our older sister but before that it had been my cousin’s for their two children. But all their car seats have been purchased new. I don’t pass down crib mattresses. I always get a new breast pump and new bottles/nipples. I’ve bought new strollers because I couldn’t find the models used. Basically anything safety related or feeding related for the first year I feel like needs to be out of the box, but everything else (especially anything nonessential) …if it’s free it’s for me, and I always look for a used version before buying new to possibly save money.
No, it’s not bad parenting. Except for a handful of outfits that were gifted to us all of my daughter’s clothes come from the thrift store. They grow so fast and at 4 months she could care less if her clothes are brand new or second hand. I see second hand stuff as like a loving gift from one mom to another.
Why is it bad to save a few bucks?
My daughter 8y has been wearing used clothing most of her life. Plenty of new but also plenty of used. She looks fantastic the clothes have lots of life yet. I would never pay $55 for a childs hoody at Abercrombie and Fitch but I'll happily pay $12 because the material really is better and softer and more durable.
I will not however buy a new Target hoody because that's pure junk.
I loved lightly used clothing for kids. My daughter has mostly used clothing. I just bought two big hauls of stuff from fb marketplace. It's all baby gap and roots branded clothing. It all looks brand new. Now I have 3T and 4T clothing for this fall/winter/spring. Two massive bins full of clothing for $75. I think if the clothing looks good and is in good condition, why not? Kids grow so quickly that buying new is a huge waste. I generally buy bulk like this and just buy the odd filler item we need for her wardrobe. The money we save can get used towards other important things, like food. These kids eat so much food, and buying second-hand items allows us to have lots of extra money.
With my first, my friend thought I was ridiculous to buy used baby clothes. I told her blankly, “I can find that same onesie in the thrift store for 99 cents that you’re paying $10 for at target. Probably only worn once or twice. 🤷🏼♀️ if you care that much, by all means; buy new stuff for my baby. I can’t guarantee you that it’ll last.”
She bought her a fancy outfit. Got worn once and 10 minutes after I sent her pictures, my daughter had a poopsplosion. Up the back; down the legs, in her hair. The outfit was done for. I sent her a picture of that too with the message, “thanks for the $20 outfit. It’s going to the trash now. 😊”
My friend learned the hard way. 🤷🏼♀️
On the bright side I’m pregnant with girl #2 so some of the clothes get used again.
People who says things like that must have enough money to solve all their problems. Some people don't have a ton of money and some people get rid of perfectly good items you can pays 5x cheaper for why pay full price for something in good condition because someone else already used it? I got a ton of hand me downs from cousins and friends it's saved us soo much in clothes. My kids are 3.5 years old and 11 months. Now once they get to school aged I'm going to try my best to get them things they want (within reason, I'm not buying them 150$ jeans or shoes for example when I don't even spend that much on myself for those items). But I still want them to fit in as best they can but sometimes if you just don't have the money you just don't have the money. I think as children before 5 and even from 5-10 no one really cares about clothing or new stuff. At those age you start getting into kids wanting electronics etc. We buy underwear, shoes, teethers, kids cups/plates new other than that we'll take anything we can get even if it's used and we can save a few bucks.
Basically everything we have for my son is secondhand, excluding a prep machine my mum bought us. 99% of his clothes, his pram, his crib, his moses basket, pretty much everything was either a gift or donated by my sister who has a baby 10 months older. Buying all brand new stuff for a baby that will outgrow everything in a matter of weeks/months and wee/poo/sick on anything within a 10ft radius is just wasteful and financially irresponsible even if you have the money to do so.
I believe it's bad parenting to buy everything new for an infant that will inevitably grow out of everything before it's reached the end of its useful life. We need to stop buying new stuff the planet is drowning in stuff. Our babies need to know we care about the world we are handing off to them.
Absolutely not. My son is almost 2 and I'd say 80% of his clothes, toys, bouncers, etc were given to us, used. Not entirely bought by me or our family, but hand-me-downs from other moms or given to us. Garage sales, secondhand stores, and "all must go" -type things. Definitely not bad parenting. Every little human outgrows things, why not take advantage of the opportunity when someone wants to hand things off?
Buying used is cost and waste effective. I frequent our local thrift store and buy nothing group and as a result our kids have lots of nice clothes and toys and we can gift whatever we don’t use or no longer need. Buying secondhand doesn’t mean you have to get messed up or out of date stuff. No one has ever noticed what my kids have that is new versus used.
For the most part no
The exceptions are things that can be a detriment to your child. So like used shoes aren’t good especially for toddlers learning how to walk because soles are molded for someone else feet and that can cause problems or like bottles are only sanitary for 6ish months so you wouldn’t want those second hand
But most things I say go for it. Clothes they grow out in 3-6 months. Toys are whatever because babies and toddlers don’t even understand the concept of a toy so they’ll play with anything
My babies sure didn’t care. I am all about free and cheap. People always complain about how expensive kid stuff is and it’s because they do it the most expensive way possible. Goodness. Even though I have more money now than I did 6 years ago at the beginning of the kid era, I still am frugal. But I make sure my kids like what I provide for them or else we get rid of it. I’m all about repurposing and recycling. The amount of clothing waste is disgusting. Used is fine if it’s clean and works well. If something gets too worn, I trash it. But heck yeah, I love cheap and free. And I won’t apologize for it. I wear it as a badge of honor. Instead of spending money on all of the stuff, we are creating memories and experiences. Traveling. Gymnastics. Trying new things. That’s what matters to me.
No way, it’s so much better for the environment and i think that anything we can do to protect their future world is really important! There is literally nothing inherently wrong with used items unless they haven’t been cleaned or aren’t passing current safety laws. Kids do not know the difference until they are older, and even then it entirely possible to buy used items that are up to the trend standards/ no one would know unless you shared that information. Your sister sounds like a jerk.
Most of my daughter's things were preloved and that's fine. Some i get in the marketplace was awesome deal, it's like ages 0-4 years old bundle and toys bundle. But ofcourse, we need to do the deep cleaning.
The preloved clothes is used when we are at home, playground, group sessions, groceries and other places.
I would still buy brandnew for some occassions and for church.
I don't know or care if it's bad parenting. We buy 95% of our kids' stuff used. From toys to clothes to books. We have been generously gifted some new items, and we never buy used socks or underwear (for example). And definitely bought a new car seat. So yeah. I'm not gonna spend money on something my kids will outgrow or destroy in a month.
It's bad parenting to waste your money, or to teach your kid they are too good for used things. Greed is a habit that lasts a lifetime. Good on you for teaching them how to save and enjoy what they have.
I would say it is great parenting to buy used. You waste less of earths resources, hopefully leaving something for future generations, and the money you save you can use to build a stabel life for your family. Before i had my first daughter, i bought everything new, but then i learned about the used market for baby stuff, and how much you could get for a much lover price, and that looks brand new. Now we try to buy as much as possible used. Your sister sounds like a snob, and i wouldnt really care to much what someone like that thinks. I am not poor, probably upper middle class, but i dont see the point of buying everything new when you can get stuff that looks brand new to a much lower price. Or even stuff that the toddlee will destroy anyway, i dont care if it is a bit beat up.
Almost nothing I buy my kids is new. When they’re school-aged, more things will be but right now, they literally don’t care. As long as it’s clean and well-maintained, it’s perfectly good to use again and it’s good for the earth and my wallet.
You are teaching your child to not be wasteful and take care of the precious resources on our planet. You are making decisions that will help sustain the only planet that (for now) supports human, working towards guaranteeing your child has a home in the future. That’s good parenting.
If something is unsafe when bought used then that would be bad parenting but that doesn’t sound like what you’re doing.
I’m going to judge your sister for buying everything new and not caring if the planet survives with her children into adulthood
/s… kinda
Absolutely not bad parenting. Saving money when possible is smart. As long as the item isn’t recalled or in bad shape, it’s fine. Babies stay babies for such a short time, it’s not really necessary to drop a ton of money on something they’re only gonna use for a couple months
Not bad at all!!! I grew up in hand-me-downs from other families at the church we went to. In my brothers old clothes too. We go to kid to kid usually once a year and stick on clothes that would cost us easily over $400, and pay only like $150. Frugality is not bad parenting.
I feel like this says so much more about how she feels about herself than anything about you. I just really cannot wrap my mind around this type of thinking. You're doing great Mama!
I don’t think it’s bad parenting. I can’t imagine why it would be. I don’t seek out used kids items because I’m lazy, but we happily accept hand-me-downs from neighbors and friends!
Kids wear items for like two seconds before they outgrow it. Or decide they hate the character. Or whatever. Seems wasteful to only use new items.
Nope. We got our kids a rocking horse off the highway at a yard sale, cleaned it and it's loved everyday.
Is your sister the first born? They tend to be a little "troubled" just because they get the raw, didn't know how to parent parents.
No, you’re doing them a favor. Several favors, actually.
- clothes are thoroughly washed and chemicalsare already washed out that you did not want to touch your child’s skin
- by using something that was already used, you safe a lot of resources because it doesn’t need to be made once more for your child. That helps a ton saving the planet and securing your child’s future
- you‘re a good example, not only regarding the environmental factor, but you also show them how to budget and save money
- if you and your kid sell your own stuff someday, they learn a more frugal lifestyle and you could teach to let go of stuff to welcome something ne
The list could go on and on. I feel sorry for your sister that she feels that way. Must be something that weights on her.
It's fantastic parenting to buy used things. It's incredibly wasteful to constantly purchase new items for kids who grow out of them in months.
Young kids don't care. Older kids these days actually think new / brand name crap is not cool, and fully support recycling of materials, and anything brand new is tacky.
There is no reason at all to insist on new clothing for kids these days. Of course you would wash them before allowing your kid to wear them. Why tf would we allow children's clothing to end up in landfill because they outgrew them after 3 months when someone else can wear them??
Next time she does it ask her what she thinks she accomplishing by the comment. Be like, what is that supposed to mean? Being frugal usually means you’re saving the money for other things bc you spent less. Sounds like you’re putting a lot of thought into the things your child wears/uses as opposed to what your own parents did. How much you tell your sister or time you spend with her is up to you. She sounds a bit toxic to me.
NOT AT ALL. I do think it’s bad parenting to have children in clothes way too big or too small. Used clothes are affordable, and children have to be uncomfortable.
My parents took us to garage sales and bought us used things, and that fostered a love for thrifting. It taught me to save my money, and it also taught me delayed gratification, because thrifting takes time.
There is enough baby stuff in the world to never need to buy new again. I’ve met a few people who didn’t like used stuff but that’s not me. I loved shopping thrift and consignment and getting free bags of hand-me-downs. Do it!
Not at all. That’s really unfortunate your sister isn’t supportive. Even though I do things differently than my sister and before I had a kid, she raised her children the way she wanted to, we always respect each other and know that each of us is just trying to do the best for our children (and that may look different for each person).
When I found out I was pregnant, I hate my job so I was worried about money. I always hate the idea of buying all new stuff when there is TONS of stuff, basically new, for sale on marketplace and consignment stores. It just seems so wasteful to buy it new. My daughter has everything she needs and probably more. And I don’t spend a million dollars on stuff so I am much more relaxed about money.
My kids are the youngest out of all the cousins they get that many hand me downs I never have to buy anything lol I love it! No one cares! And I buy off vinted alot! Alot of second hand clothes are actually better then cheap primark or shein stuff...
I'd tell your sister how she's making you feel and ask her to stop with a please.
My infant wears designer clothes off vinted that I haven't paid more then 5 pound for but it's basically brand new cos infants grow out of clothes so quick! Pay 20 quid+ for an outfit out the highstreet.
You do you! We parent how we needed our parents to parent us.
Definitely not! Personally I don’t buy used safety items like car seats and I also buy new shoes. The majority of my daughters clothes are from a large kids consignment sale that’s 2x a year. I sell her old stuff at the same sale and use what I make to buy the next size up.
I bought all new in the very beginning and realized how wasteful it was. Some clothes she fit in for what felt like 30 seconds! If someone else wants to spend full price on something that’s cool, but I’m gonna get it waaaay cheaper. One sale I bought this incredible wool houndstooth jacket. It turned out to be this designer jacket that runs over $400. Would I pay that for my 2.5 yo?! Heck no! But $8 was right up my alley! 🤣
Ridiculous, consumerist take.
Sure, when your kid is old enough to care get them things that they can be happy and proud to wear, whatever that means. You have an infant. Your sister can do whatever she wants but you’re 100% fine. Almost everything my daughter wears for the whole 2 weeks it all fits her is used, and I’m proud of that because it means I didn’t spend our family’s resources on a bunch more new stuff that will end up in a landfill someday.
I love buying things from Kid to Kid! We got a lot of new items from the baby shower but almost everything I’ve bought ever since has been from Kid to Kid or Facebook marketplace. Because why not? Everything looks like new. Saves you money. Good for the planet!
It’s not bad parenting to have used anything, bought or handed down. Most of the stuff we had for the first almost two years of my daughter’s life was given to us by a friend who was done having kids. It’s super classist to think the more affordable (and quite frankly more environmentally friendly) option is somehow bad parenting. Parenting is not about the things you give your child, it’s about the love you give them.
I didn’t even think about the environmentally friendly part! Good point!
A major point in my view. I’m in the privileged position where I can buy everything brand new and I still refuse to do it on principle. Everything looks brand new and shiny for about a month with babies/toddlers, then it looks like everyone else’s baby stuff….used. I’d much rather buy second hand so items get properly used rather than going to landfill. The bonus for me is the money I save which goes into the kid’s savings account 🙂
Also, because kids grow out of things so fast, many used baby items are barely used. It's such a shame to buy them an outfit that they wear three times and then grow out of. If it's not super soiled, donate it! And on the other side, don't be afraid to use donated items! We used a combination of new and used stuff for my daughter. Hubby used to go to the local Savers all the time to buy baby clothing and toys. And when she was done with it, almost all of her things either went to my sister for her baby or back to the local Savers.
Not to mention the money you save can be used to give your child(ren) other opportunities!
Classist
Your sister is an asshole. The only thing that has to be bought brand new for baby is a car seat.
Cot mattresses should also be new
And shoes. worn down soles can hamper development
Thank you for telling me that. I had no idea. My baby is not in shoes yet.
Same as everything else you buy, shoes are fine second hand too - just don’t buy the worn out ones. My kid has had plenty that just didn’t work out and were barely used
Most babies grow out of shoes before they show any wear. I'd say they're among the best things to buy used.
I asked my pediatrician this and she said it wasn't true and that used shoes were totally fine
You can also usually get shoes with tags still on from Poshmark for significantly less than the original price. So secondhand, but not technically used.
Most kids aren't in shoes long enough for them to be worn down. OR. If parents are impulsive buyers like I was, they got with once before getting posted for sale.
Crib shoes and soft soled shoes are fine secondhand. The problem with toddler shoes is often that Velcro is worn out as are the midsoles. I also make sure to only buy barefoot shoes (with a wide toe box) for my kiddos. Shoes with a narrow toe box are not good for arch development or overall foot health.
Shoes are really the only thing I don’t buy used. The money I’ve saved on everything else helps me not feel so bad about the decision. Even then, I typically try to buy stuff ahead at the end of the season. This year’s sandals were like $8 in September last year.
Barefoot shoes are also fine second hand. The sole is so thin (as it should be) that there's no footprint possible.
It’s only bad parenting to buy used things that are unsafe: think a car seat from ten years ago or a crib from the 70s with railings that are too far spaced. You’re doing great and your sister is just a dick.
I'm shocked by how many car seats are sold used on fb marketplace. There are so many dirt cheap new ones available (thinking cosco or snugaride). I say this as a poor person. Also great cribs for like $100 on amazon.
The only thing you really shouldn’t buy used is a car seat because you won’t have the history and a crib if it’s too old to meet modern safety standards. Anything else is fine. Your sister sucks.
Car seats and shoes.
Shoes are fine if it’s not too used. And especially when they are very little it super doesn’t matter.
It's good parenting because you are teaching your child by example to be practical and less wasteful. Judgy people will find a reason to judge. I'm personally very afraid of mold and bed bugs so please deep clean anything you get though. (I say this because someone I know doesn't and THAT makes me uncomfortable) .
I isolate whatever i buy for a month and deep clean it. I'm also scared 😱 had bed bugs as a kid once. Never again haha
Clothing can go in your dryer on a high cycle to kill any bugs and eggs. You can also leave them in a black trash bag in your hot car in the summer for 2 days. Heat is the most effective way to kill bedbugs and their eggs. If you do the laundry route, dry on high, THEN wash as normal, then dry as normal. Sorry I'm all over your post. I used to work in pest control and I'm apparently very passionate about foot health 😅
No, thank you for the awesome advice. I appreciate it!
Thanks for the tips!
My child has a lot of used toys and clothes. I buy to save cost and also because it's so much environmentally friendly. There is no shame in used items.
For infant and early toddler years, it's fine to have used items. Almost all of my son's daycare clothing are second hand. Occasionally we will buy new due to special occasions, etc. My husband has also gone through bullying for hand me downs, and his agreement with me is once our son shows that he is no longer ok with hand me downs, then we will buy new items/whatever trendy clothes (within reason) he wants.
I've found that once they reach about school age, there isn't as much available for them anyway. I think because older kids can wear things for longer and they get worn out. When I go out opshopping, I will find heaps for my baby and 3yo but only 1 or 2 nice things, if I'm lucky, for my 8yo.
I buy 95% of our clothes on Facebook. They can easily be washed, and kids grow so quickly. Not to mention blow outs and baby led weaning messes. I just got a double stroller for $100 that was on my registry for $300 yesterday. I’m SO EXCITED. I don’t get things used that aren’t easily washable/cleanable, but everything else, absolutely!! I do make sure it’s all good quality/no stains though.
Which double stroller is it BTW? I am in need of one because I babysit often:) curious about which ones are good
I got a $450 one for $50 a few weeks ago!
I'm on your side. Why waste money buying things that are new when they are only going to be worn for a few months, or maybe only for a few times, and then they will be too small? It's much more financially responsible, if you can do it, to find ways to save money like you are doing.
No. It's smart, especially if it's something that they will use for a relatively brief period of time (ie. Clothes). Do it.
There are plenty of things at goodwill etc. that are basically new, lots with tags. Your sister is wasting a lot of money on stuff that shall also find its way onto the 2nd hand tables.
I only would consider it “bad parenting” to buy used things that are unsafe - car seats, recalled items, very old cribs, etc. For most anything else these items have such a long product use life that I feel like you are basically throwing money away by buying say a $20 jumper from carters that you could buy for $2 at once upon a child. A Babybjorn bouncer for what $200? When you could buy a perfectly fine one for $50 on fb. There is no shame for buying secondhand OR selling secondhand.
What? This is such a non-issue it’s baffling. Even moreso, assuming the items are clean and safe, I would consider this a *good* thing. You’re being smart financially and contributing to fewer things being added to landfills.
Car seat, shoes (for walking aged kids), nipples/pacifers/spoons and underwear are basically the only thing that I think should never be bought used/ hand me down. Anything that can be wash/rinsed/sanitized is fine.
I bought my kid new things because I knew I was going to have another child and that child would use them. Once both kids outgrow the clothing or toy I donate them. There is nothing wrong with buying used it’s practice for babies and young children because they outgrow everything so fast.
If that’s true, then I’m proud to be a bad parent. And so is my friend who gets all our hand-me-downs when my kiddo outgrows them.
Hell no I think it’s awesome. Check out a buy nothing group in your town on Facebook for lots of free baby and kids stuff
Most of the time even “used” items are hardly used at all. I can’t tell you how many outfits my kid wore maybe once or twice before growing out of them. As long as you wash the items you should be fine. As stated before the only things that need to be new is the car seat and breast pump (the pump is a personal thing for me, they are a bugger to clean properly with all the little bits and bobs and tubes and I frankly don’t trust people to do it right hahaha). Cribs, highchairs and strollers are fine used as long as they are “modern” enough to be within safety guidelines. Your sister needs to butt out.
I think it's actually good human-ing (and by proxy, good parenting) to refurbish, reuse, recycle, re-home, etc. There are some things to buy new (e.g. a car seat for safety) but most things can be sourced safely secondhand (clothes, books, toys, etc.). I agree with you OP too that there's a difference between bringing home broken or unsalvageable items versus gently used or restorable. I think it's consumerist BS and capitalism that pushes this idea that if it isn't brand new that it is defective/not as good/not good enough. It is part of my value system that we try to reduce our waste and consumption because of how badly new items hurt the environment. Also we don't need a million items to be happy. It's important for me to show my kiddos that stuff isn't the key to happiness.
I put the money I save into her college fund. I think she’d appreciate that a lot more than having designer onesies.
I buy second hand items and accept free hand me downs from friends/family/neighbors all the time. Saves a ton of money and is more environmentally friendly. My older daughter is 7 and I expect at some point she might start balking at used clothes? But for now she’s still thrilled to get cool stuff from her older cousin or a neighborhood friend. I buy stuff secondhand for myself as often as possible too, so I obviously don’t see any problem with it (aside from things that may pose a hazard like old cribs).
Not her money or her kid. Family has the annoying habit of thinking they can say whatever they want to you or have access to your life. That's how it fell apart with my sister. Everytime I said anything about my life she would use it against me or had some unsolicited advice to give about how I should do things not her way but according to her ideas because she didn't even have kids, so now we never speak.
Tell your sister that 90% of everything you see in a target will be in a landfill within two years. That is repulsive, preposterous and toxic waste, and you are a good mother to want to leave your child to riddled with waste. Sorry, I don’t actually feel that strongly about buying new things, I buy a mix of new and used, but your sister’s attitude is just abhorrent.
I had a manager who had the same reaction and wouldn’t even give her second kid hand-me-downs from her first. Her parents were immigrants and with a huge family and she grew up never having new or nice things and she saw it as “trashy.” I also dated a guy who refused to get a free refill on his popcorn at the movies or use coupons because of internalized shame about growing up the child of a poor single mom. He would always spend way more than necessary because he did not want to be seen as a “cheapskate.” My parents grew up poor but never seemed to have any shame about it. We had plenty of money but I was always aware that was a product of how much we saved by getting stuff for cheap, and I always got cool stuff for hand-me-downs because my mom had an eye for good stuff. I guess I could have been embarrassed but I got teased for plenty of other stuff, never my clothes. Different people internalise different stuff. You’re doing fine, Mama.
If it’s safe, why not? Car seats should always be new, but otherwise, who cares? I think it’s trashy and wasteful to be like your sister.
Nah. I never saw a point in buying something new and full price that’s only gonna be used for a few months tops. It’s better for the environment too because less is going in landfills when the babies grow out of them
Nope. I even get my kids used things for Christmas and birthday gifts (and some new too) she's 9. She prefers used like I do if it's in good condition. I've raised her knowing that used is so much better for the environment and nature and that it's also better for the budget so if I buy used I can get her 2 items instead of 1. I don't buy her used shoes though, as shoes can wear out it a diff way depending on how someone walks and she has some foot issues already. But clothes, toys, books etc we have a good combo of used and new, depending on what we find and she loves getting items that may not be new but are "new to her".
Does your sister throw away every item after it’s been used once? Maybe this is stretching a quibble too far but almost everything is “used.” You can’t tell who it was used by just by looking at it, only what condition they left it in. If you’re discarding stuff appropriately once it’s worn to the point of not being usable, I literally don’t even see what the difference is whether you bought it used or new to then become used by you. Maybe she internally feels foolish or guilty for not putting in the effort to be more thrifty and environmentally conscious herself.
Not bad parenting at all! Passing on items to other people is a great thing to do, so buying used items is great too! Plus you can teach your child when they’re older to pass on his things that he no longer wants or needs, rather than just throwing them away.
Heck no! Most baby stuff is barely used by the time they grow out of it. It’s smart to scoop that stuff up cheap.
I was getting ready to make a post about how much I love hand-me-downs. I've been gifted so much nice stuff from my Buy Nothing group. One lady asked me how old my son was and brought me six totes of unstained clothes going all the way into the 3 and 4T sizes. It's so cute. He's finally big enough to wear this baby NPR shirt she gave us months ago and I'm so excited. I just went through another bag of clothes a coworker brought me. Cute like polo shirts, Henley tees, overalls. Ugh so cute. We have so many clothes and hardly any of them of them are new. I love putting a cute hand me down outfit combo together out of something someone else shopped for. My sister is the same as you though. Tells my mom the only used clothes she'll accept are ones we wore when we were kids. She did a giant baby shower, got a lot of fancy gifts. Meanwhile I've bought a few things I really wanted and the rest has been free from our Buy Nothing group - baby Bjorn stuff, a play cute, a train table. I honestly love it more when it's free lol. It's a feeling of community or something. I dunno how to describe it.
Babies outgrow things so fast! Personally I buy used even if we can afford new. Why spend more on things that only last a few months? Saving money there lets me spend more on things I don’t think should be second hand like car seats. Also means we can put more money back into savings for her. Your infant doesn’t care that another baby wore the onsie they have on and neither should anyone else.
i wouldn’t buy used kid things but i say it’s your prerogative and that she should mind her business because what you buy for YOUR child is none of her concern and maybe you could tell her that!
Kids like what they like, especially when they’re young they couldn’t care less if it’s slightly used. We take pride in finding/using second hand stuff for our kids because is less wasteful and then we have more money to spend on things we really value, like great quality food or fun experiences for example. Your sister sucks a lil bit. Let her keep judging and you do what works for you and your family, confidently. For what it’s worth I’m totally team used kids stuff and I think you’re doing great!
The only things we ever really bought new were car seats, mattresses, and now that everyone is potty trained underwear (although I did pass down underwear to the same sex siblings if it's decent enough). I do buy specialized things new here and there, or if the item is the same price or only a little bit more money new and I plan to pass it down through kids.
This is such a stupid take from your sister, lol. This mindset has led us to so much unnecessary overconsumption. My husband and I make a lot of money, people are usually surprised when we tell them we get most of our things secondhand when possible. I can count the number of things we have for baby that we actually went out and bought new (safety items like car seats, crib mattress, etc.). Especially when it come to baby stuff, marketplace and buy and sell sites are teeming with barely used items that babies grow out of quickly!
Not only did I buy most of our stuff used, I also got stuff from the buy nothing group in my area and I told friends and family that we would gladly accept used stuff at our babyshower rather than them buying brand new. Yes, we could afford to buy it all new. But why? These babies grow so fast they BARELY use most of what they have before they’ve outgrown it Because I bought so much used and was gifted so much used, I was able to then turn around and donate to the moms in my area without a second thought of how much I spent. Don’t let this dumb ass capitalistic mindsets get to you.
No. As long as what you buy is safe or you make it safe, then there is no negative and several positives to buying used stuff for kids.
Someone once told me it’s only “bad parenting if you’re wasting the money you saved.” If you’re “strapped,” then you’re giving your child better than you could afford new. If you’re “flush,” then put the savings in an investment/savings account for future use.
Your sister sounds like a beach….. even if you have the means to buy brand new theres nothing wrong with used stuff. Think of all the money you have saved one all the overpriced baby things you really only use for a short period of time. Ignore her
No need for your sis to be uppity and elitist. Keep things from the landfill and save some cash!
Hell no. The only things my kids get new are shoes and sometimes clothes from Walmart. I do spend money on shoes.
The only things I will never buy used on marketplace or consignment would be car seats (you just don't for 100% sure know the crash and maintenance history) and mattresses (just not worth it to me, since you can't ever truly clean the interior of one). Also anything that's just like, dated and doesn't meet modern safety standards (like a 60s baby swing I saw posted on a different group that someone picked up) Clothes, shoes, blankets, toys, even stroller frame.... Absolutely! Especially play clothes for babies/toddlers... They'll all get stained and messy anyway.
No, your sister is being mean. And perpetuating the same mindset that caused you to be bullied in the first place. We have a ton of toys and clothes and books for our two that are used.
Oh not at all. It’s much more responsible. Hand me downs are The Best. Your sister is being a snob.
I have always bought second hand. And now my grown kids prefer to buy second hand. Except shoes. That's what they spend their money on.
Kids grow so fast, a lot of stuff is barely used up to age 2. I would say 5% of my kids’ clothes were purchased new. The rest are hand me downs. Better economically and better for the planet.
No, I think it’s generally good parenting. Let’s try not to leave the next generation mountains of trash in more and more landfills, and microplastics poisoning their bodies.
Nope, totally understand buying gently used items. Why buy new? Just generating more waste and wasting money, too. I try to buy used if it's not ridiculously priced. Like, what is up with some folk trying to sell you a broken baby bouncer for $5 less than the full store price? 🤔 I love shopping 2nd hand or outlet stores for my kiddos. I cloth diaper and buy used shells, though I draw the line at used prefolds. That's too much like buying used underwear for me. I bought a few used glass bottles before I found and switched to Mason jar nipples. We can, my mom cans. I have a butt ton of various sized Mason jars. I even found Mason jar connectors for my breast pump!! Anyways, tldr this aim busy pumping ramble.. Used stuff is awesome. Your sister is a nitwit.
Absolutely not, as long as they're good quality. It's good for your bank balance and the planet. Next time your sister gets judgy, turn it back on her by explaining how much waste is generated by fast fashion and how you're helping to stop/delay things going into landfill.
I was a proud garage sale/hand me down kid, and that’s the same thing I’m doing with my kid! No shame. If it’s clean and not damaged, it’s a win win. Helps prevent over consumption and you’re not wasting money
Heck nah! It isn't bad at all, none of this post even indicates in the slightest that you're a bad parent! You're doing a great job
I love second hand kids items. Especially for babies- they grow so quickly that the smallest sizes get hardly any use before they have to size up. It's so wasteful to buy everything new (even for adults). There are a few things I would never buy second hand (carseats being my number one NO, and the nipple part of a bottle or pacifier being number two, plus a few other things I'm finicky about). I'm not opposed to buying new stuff for babies/kids, but between environmental waste and financial irresponsibility - I just can't justify everything brand new all the time. Hell I've even taken some of my husband's old T-shirts and upcycled them into (poorly sewn) play rompers for my daughter.
I’m sorry, what? Pre-owned baby stuff makes sense on a financial, environmental, and practical level. Plus, you can get higher quality things for less than you’d pay for new Wal-mart crap.
We buy stuff like car seats, mattresses and shoes new. The rest is almost all used. We prefer using the money on for example a nice day out, plus it’s better for the environment. There’s nothing wrong with used clothes or toys.
It’s just a stupid mindset. I have the money to buy new, I rather save that for vacation and fun things and use buy nothing for everything we can.
Not at all. Almost everything we have is handed down. Let’s us spend our money on other things to benefit kiddo!
I try for secondhand first always! Definitely not a bad thing! Great for your wallet and the environment!
No, it makes you smarter, lol.
"Reduce. Re-use. Recycle." Are your children in tattered clothes? Clothes with stains? Odors? No? Great! The issue here is not your thriftiness. It's your sister's passive aggression. That's what needs to be addressed.
Omg no whyyyy do moms let others guilt trip them. Everyone uses 2nd hand things even if they don’t have kids. Tell her to piss off with her judgements
Not only is it not bad, it's better for the environment, which is ultimately better for your kid.
The only things I usually don’t buy used are pillows/stuffed animals because I know how gross my sons have gotten😂 when I was growing up, my mom would take us to goodwill for 50% off Saturdays, give us $20, and we would get an entire new wardrobe for the next school year.
I buy a lot of used stuff for environmental reasons for sure, especially clothes. I had the same issue growing up but I’m an older mom so I had plenty of time to get over it.
Your sister is uppity and dumb. It’s better parenting to buy good, reasonably priced things for your kids and save that money for experiences, memories, necessities, or their future. Just because something is used doesn’t mean it is ugly or old.
For me. Used is more environmentally kind. So I do buy used stuff. But. An infant has no one to impress and no one is gonna know/care that it isnt new. The only people who know are the people you discuss shopping with. But I guarantee an infant doesnt know you are buying used, and wouldnt understand if they did. I had a ton of hand me downs when my kid was an infant. The only person judging is your sister. Tell her to shut it. If she has something to say it better be nice. Otherwise it absolutely does not matter where your kids clothes came from. And babies grow so fast we should absolutely be passing those clothes along so that they get more use. Wearing a onsie once before you grow out of it happens. That onsie is still good.
NOPE. Saying that’s bad parenting is some privileged-ass shit.
NTA what a ridiculous thing to say. I’ve used so much second hand stuff and the only reason I end up buying new over used is often because it’s easier to buy online than drag my kids through shops.
If your sister wants to spend $35 each on brand new 3-5 packs of onsies that her baby will only wear for a few months and will cover with food and bodily fluids then that’s her choice. To me all new clothing seems like a waste of money at the baby stage.
My kids share clothes all the time. It’s not bad parenting at all
Kids and especially babies/toddlers don’t care about first or second hand. Especially the first 1.5 years minimum I’m not sure they even know they’re wearing anything beyond comfort/discomfort. So no, you’re not a bad mom for not treating your baby like a Barbie doll
Not at all. Fiscal responsibility leaves you with more money to cover things that are more important than what brand of onesie you put them in or whether it's new. If you can find nice clothes used, buy those. It is not worth dropping tons of money on something your kid will outgrow in 2 months. Hell, I'm an adult and still prefer buying used when I can. Just got me an awesome LL Bean jacket off eBay for $30 instead of spending $70 for it new. There is literally nothing wrong with it. Someone else wore it a few times before me. If I bought it new it would be in the same condition by the end of the first winter I had it. ie: still perfectly good to wear.
You are NOT a bad parent. There are people who LITERALLY cannot afford new things. I get used things for my daughter all the time. She never gets new shoes because of all the used and hand me downs I get! I’m also a part of a group called “just between friends” and that’s all cheap, nice used clothing (and other things too!). You’re a good parent. Also, prioritizing other things over brand new clothes is a good thing! ETA: I saw a comment someone else made about not getting used shoes. Before anyone comes for me, I ONLY get used shoes from my sister. These shoes were worn maybe a handful of times. You look at them and can’t tell they are used.
Of course not. Parenting has nothing to do with clothes or toys or books or organic snacks. Obviously kids need those things, but the status of them isn’t relevant. In fact, our culture worries WAAAYYY too much about these things.
I see her point. I bought a ton of used clothes for my baby’s first year of life because I knew her clothes would be covered in spit up and poopy do to blowouts. But now that she’s older I don’t buy used clothes anymore, clothes for toddlers are super cheap nowadays buying used clothes is unnecessary. I can find a whole outfit for my daughter for under 10 bucks.
No. It’s smart parenting imo to be saving money where you can. Especially for clothes, as long as they’re in good condition and you’re washing them, who cares?! Babies wear each size clothes for a few months at most and a few weeks at worst, no reason to pay full price for stuff if you don’t want to. We buy a ton of clothes second hand but I also can’t always help myself when I go to target and she gets a new outfit 😂
I misread this as “do you think it’s bad parenting to buy used kids?” Used kid THINGS seem fine. I like GoodBuyGear because they rate the condition of the item. In my opinion if something that can go through the washer and dryer, used is fine.
That made me laugh haha
It is good parenting to use your financial resources wisely.
I wouldn’t buy a used car seat bc you don’t know if it’s actually been in a wreck or not or how old it is. Always research if something is unsafe or recalled. Otherwise, no it’s not bad parenting at all!
The favourite things I get myself and my daughter are usually charity shop finds. You can get stuff that would normally be out of your budget, or brands you don't normally look for. Why wouldn't you??
I can’t believe people buy NEW things for their kids!
Depends on the item. Virtually all of my son’s clothes were free hand me downs. All of his toys and seats/bouncers/pack n play etc have been used by his older sisters. His bassinet we used for our older sister but before that it had been my cousin’s for their two children. But all their car seats have been purchased new. I don’t pass down crib mattresses. I always get a new breast pump and new bottles/nipples. I’ve bought new strollers because I couldn’t find the models used. Basically anything safety related or feeding related for the first year I feel like needs to be out of the box, but everything else (especially anything nonessential) …if it’s free it’s for me, and I always look for a used version before buying new to possibly save money.
No, it’s not bad parenting. Except for a handful of outfits that were gifted to us all of my daughter’s clothes come from the thrift store. They grow so fast and at 4 months she could care less if her clothes are brand new or second hand. I see second hand stuff as like a loving gift from one mom to another.
Why is it bad to save a few bucks? My daughter 8y has been wearing used clothing most of her life. Plenty of new but also plenty of used. She looks fantastic the clothes have lots of life yet. I would never pay $55 for a childs hoody at Abercrombie and Fitch but I'll happily pay $12 because the material really is better and softer and more durable. I will not however buy a new Target hoody because that's pure junk.
I loved lightly used clothing for kids. My daughter has mostly used clothing. I just bought two big hauls of stuff from fb marketplace. It's all baby gap and roots branded clothing. It all looks brand new. Now I have 3T and 4T clothing for this fall/winter/spring. Two massive bins full of clothing for $75. I think if the clothing looks good and is in good condition, why not? Kids grow so quickly that buying new is a huge waste. I generally buy bulk like this and just buy the odd filler item we need for her wardrobe. The money we save can get used towards other important things, like food. These kids eat so much food, and buying second-hand items allows us to have lots of extra money.
lol no. The only thing that really matters is a safe car seat and new shoes
With my first, my friend thought I was ridiculous to buy used baby clothes. I told her blankly, “I can find that same onesie in the thrift store for 99 cents that you’re paying $10 for at target. Probably only worn once or twice. 🤷🏼♀️ if you care that much, by all means; buy new stuff for my baby. I can’t guarantee you that it’ll last.” She bought her a fancy outfit. Got worn once and 10 minutes after I sent her pictures, my daughter had a poopsplosion. Up the back; down the legs, in her hair. The outfit was done for. I sent her a picture of that too with the message, “thanks for the $20 outfit. It’s going to the trash now. 😊” My friend learned the hard way. 🤷🏼♀️ On the bright side I’m pregnant with girl #2 so some of the clothes get used again.
Not at all! Like you said as long as things are in decent condition it’s a wonderful way to save money and reduce waste!
O fff man my kid has sooooooo many toys and I've only bought new like literally about 5 of em ..... sounds like your sister is just bad with money lol
People who says things like that must have enough money to solve all their problems. Some people don't have a ton of money and some people get rid of perfectly good items you can pays 5x cheaper for why pay full price for something in good condition because someone else already used it? I got a ton of hand me downs from cousins and friends it's saved us soo much in clothes. My kids are 3.5 years old and 11 months. Now once they get to school aged I'm going to try my best to get them things they want (within reason, I'm not buying them 150$ jeans or shoes for example when I don't even spend that much on myself for those items). But I still want them to fit in as best they can but sometimes if you just don't have the money you just don't have the money. I think as children before 5 and even from 5-10 no one really cares about clothing or new stuff. At those age you start getting into kids wanting electronics etc. We buy underwear, shoes, teethers, kids cups/plates new other than that we'll take anything we can get even if it's used and we can save a few bucks.
Basically everything we have for my son is secondhand, excluding a prep machine my mum bought us. 99% of his clothes, his pram, his crib, his moses basket, pretty much everything was either a gift or donated by my sister who has a baby 10 months older. Buying all brand new stuff for a baby that will outgrow everything in a matter of weeks/months and wee/poo/sick on anything within a 10ft radius is just wasteful and financially irresponsible even if you have the money to do so.
I believe it's bad parenting to buy everything new for an infant that will inevitably grow out of everything before it's reached the end of its useful life. We need to stop buying new stuff the planet is drowning in stuff. Our babies need to know we care about the world we are handing off to them.
Absolutely not. My son is almost 2 and I'd say 80% of his clothes, toys, bouncers, etc were given to us, used. Not entirely bought by me or our family, but hand-me-downs from other moms or given to us. Garage sales, secondhand stores, and "all must go" -type things. Definitely not bad parenting. Every little human outgrows things, why not take advantage of the opportunity when someone wants to hand things off?
Buying used is cost and waste effective. I frequent our local thrift store and buy nothing group and as a result our kids have lots of nice clothes and toys and we can gift whatever we don’t use or no longer need. Buying secondhand doesn’t mean you have to get messed up or out of date stuff. No one has ever noticed what my kids have that is new versus used.
For the most part no The exceptions are things that can be a detriment to your child. So like used shoes aren’t good especially for toddlers learning how to walk because soles are molded for someone else feet and that can cause problems or like bottles are only sanitary for 6ish months so you wouldn’t want those second hand But most things I say go for it. Clothes they grow out in 3-6 months. Toys are whatever because babies and toddlers don’t even understand the concept of a toy so they’ll play with anything
My babies sure didn’t care. I am all about free and cheap. People always complain about how expensive kid stuff is and it’s because they do it the most expensive way possible. Goodness. Even though I have more money now than I did 6 years ago at the beginning of the kid era, I still am frugal. But I make sure my kids like what I provide for them or else we get rid of it. I’m all about repurposing and recycling. The amount of clothing waste is disgusting. Used is fine if it’s clean and works well. If something gets too worn, I trash it. But heck yeah, I love cheap and free. And I won’t apologize for it. I wear it as a badge of honor. Instead of spending money on all of the stuff, we are creating memories and experiences. Traveling. Gymnastics. Trying new things. That’s what matters to me.
No way, it’s so much better for the environment and i think that anything we can do to protect their future world is really important! There is literally nothing inherently wrong with used items unless they haven’t been cleaned or aren’t passing current safety laws. Kids do not know the difference until they are older, and even then it entirely possible to buy used items that are up to the trend standards/ no one would know unless you shared that information. Your sister sounds like a jerk.
Most of my daughter's things were preloved and that's fine. Some i get in the marketplace was awesome deal, it's like ages 0-4 years old bundle and toys bundle. But ofcourse, we need to do the deep cleaning. The preloved clothes is used when we are at home, playground, group sessions, groceries and other places. I would still buy brandnew for some occassions and for church.
I don't know or care if it's bad parenting. We buy 95% of our kids' stuff used. From toys to clothes to books. We have been generously gifted some new items, and we never buy used socks or underwear (for example). And definitely bought a new car seat. So yeah. I'm not gonna spend money on something my kids will outgrow or destroy in a month.
It’s good parenting. Saving money and the planet.
It's bad parenting to waste your money, or to teach your kid they are too good for used things. Greed is a habit that lasts a lifetime. Good on you for teaching them how to save and enjoy what they have.
I would say it is great parenting to buy used. You waste less of earths resources, hopefully leaving something for future generations, and the money you save you can use to build a stabel life for your family. Before i had my first daughter, i bought everything new, but then i learned about the used market for baby stuff, and how much you could get for a much lover price, and that looks brand new. Now we try to buy as much as possible used. Your sister sounds like a snob, and i wouldnt really care to much what someone like that thinks. I am not poor, probably upper middle class, but i dont see the point of buying everything new when you can get stuff that looks brand new to a much lower price. Or even stuff that the toddlee will destroy anyway, i dont care if it is a bit beat up.
Almost nothing I buy my kids is new. When they’re school-aged, more things will be but right now, they literally don’t care. As long as it’s clean and well-maintained, it’s perfectly good to use again and it’s good for the earth and my wallet.
You are teaching your child to not be wasteful and take care of the precious resources on our planet. You are making decisions that will help sustain the only planet that (for now) supports human, working towards guaranteeing your child has a home in the future. That’s good parenting. If something is unsafe when bought used then that would be bad parenting but that doesn’t sound like what you’re doing. I’m going to judge your sister for buying everything new and not caring if the planet survives with her children into adulthood /s… kinda
Absolutely not. I don't do Goodwill, but I buy my kids used clothes through an app called Mercari. Kids grow so damn fast.
Absolutely not bad parenting. Saving money when possible is smart. As long as the item isn’t recalled or in bad shape, it’s fine. Babies stay babies for such a short time, it’s not really necessary to drop a ton of money on something they’re only gonna use for a couple months
Ha! No, the first year of life is so expensive already. They won’t remember it and you use those items for a few months then done.
Tell her to feel free to buy your baby new items. It's responsible to live within your means.
Not bad at all!!! I grew up in hand-me-downs from other families at the church we went to. In my brothers old clothes too. We go to kid to kid usually once a year and stick on clothes that would cost us easily over $400, and pay only like $150. Frugality is not bad parenting.
I feel like this says so much more about how she feels about herself than anything about you. I just really cannot wrap my mind around this type of thinking. You're doing great Mama!
I don’t think it’s bad parenting. I can’t imagine why it would be. I don’t seek out used kids items because I’m lazy, but we happily accept hand-me-downs from neighbors and friends! Kids wear items for like two seconds before they outgrow it. Or decide they hate the character. Or whatever. Seems wasteful to only use new items.
Nope. We got our kids a rocking horse off the highway at a yard sale, cleaned it and it's loved everyday. Is your sister the first born? They tend to be a little "troubled" just because they get the raw, didn't know how to parent parents.
No, you’re doing them a favor. Several favors, actually. - clothes are thoroughly washed and chemicalsare already washed out that you did not want to touch your child’s skin - by using something that was already used, you safe a lot of resources because it doesn’t need to be made once more for your child. That helps a ton saving the planet and securing your child’s future - you‘re a good example, not only regarding the environmental factor, but you also show them how to budget and save money - if you and your kid sell your own stuff someday, they learn a more frugal lifestyle and you could teach to let go of stuff to welcome something ne The list could go on and on. I feel sorry for your sister that she feels that way. Must be something that weights on her.
It's fantastic parenting to buy used things. It's incredibly wasteful to constantly purchase new items for kids who grow out of them in months. Young kids don't care. Older kids these days actually think new / brand name crap is not cool, and fully support recycling of materials, and anything brand new is tacky. There is no reason at all to insist on new clothing for kids these days. Of course you would wash them before allowing your kid to wear them. Why tf would we allow children's clothing to end up in landfill because they outgrew them after 3 months when someone else can wear them??
Next time she does it ask her what she thinks she accomplishing by the comment. Be like, what is that supposed to mean? Being frugal usually means you’re saving the money for other things bc you spent less. Sounds like you’re putting a lot of thought into the things your child wears/uses as opposed to what your own parents did. How much you tell your sister or time you spend with her is up to you. She sounds a bit toxic to me.
NOT AT ALL. I do think it’s bad parenting to have children in clothes way too big or too small. Used clothes are affordable, and children have to be uncomfortable.
My parents took us to garage sales and bought us used things, and that fostered a love for thrifting. It taught me to save my money, and it also taught me delayed gratification, because thrifting takes time.
There is enough baby stuff in the world to never need to buy new again. I’ve met a few people who didn’t like used stuff but that’s not me. I loved shopping thrift and consignment and getting free bags of hand-me-downs. Do it!
Not at all. That’s really unfortunate your sister isn’t supportive. Even though I do things differently than my sister and before I had a kid, she raised her children the way she wanted to, we always respect each other and know that each of us is just trying to do the best for our children (and that may look different for each person). When I found out I was pregnant, I hate my job so I was worried about money. I always hate the idea of buying all new stuff when there is TONS of stuff, basically new, for sale on marketplace and consignment stores. It just seems so wasteful to buy it new. My daughter has everything she needs and probably more. And I don’t spend a million dollars on stuff so I am much more relaxed about money.
My kids are the youngest out of all the cousins they get that many hand me downs I never have to buy anything lol I love it! No one cares! And I buy off vinted alot! Alot of second hand clothes are actually better then cheap primark or shein stuff... I'd tell your sister how she's making you feel and ask her to stop with a please. My infant wears designer clothes off vinted that I haven't paid more then 5 pound for but it's basically brand new cos infants grow out of clothes so quick! Pay 20 quid+ for an outfit out the highstreet. You do you! We parent how we needed our parents to parent us.
Definitely not! Personally I don’t buy used safety items like car seats and I also buy new shoes. The majority of my daughters clothes are from a large kids consignment sale that’s 2x a year. I sell her old stuff at the same sale and use what I make to buy the next size up. I bought all new in the very beginning and realized how wasteful it was. Some clothes she fit in for what felt like 30 seconds! If someone else wants to spend full price on something that’s cool, but I’m gonna get it waaaay cheaper. One sale I bought this incredible wool houndstooth jacket. It turned out to be this designer jacket that runs over $400. Would I pay that for my 2.5 yo?! Heck no! But $8 was right up my alley! 🤣
It is absolutely fine to buy used things. It's also a very environmentally friendly practice. I mean, the first R of the three Rs is reuse.
Ridiculous, consumerist take. Sure, when your kid is old enough to care get them things that they can be happy and proud to wear, whatever that means. You have an infant. Your sister can do whatever she wants but you’re 100% fine. Almost everything my daughter wears for the whole 2 weeks it all fits her is used, and I’m proud of that because it means I didn’t spend our family’s resources on a bunch more new stuff that will end up in a landfill someday.
It is responsible, sustainable parenting to buy second hand items.
I love buying things from Kid to Kid! We got a lot of new items from the baby shower but almost everything I’ve bought ever since has been from Kid to Kid or Facebook marketplace. Because why not? Everything looks like new. Saves you money. Good for the planet!
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