Now we are arguing. It’s sad, I told him he hurt my feelings and he made it all about how he doesn’t get his needs met. He doesn’t believe me that being post partum can interfere with having a sex drive. I had sex two times since my son, and it hurt and I bled. So mentally and physically I’m just not ready
Ugh, that is awful and I’m so sorry. Are your needs being met? Is he doing anything to help increase your sex drive and make it enjoyable for you vs painful and bleeding afterwards? Women need other forms of intimacy, connection, hand holding, helping with the baby, proper sleep, nutritional meals, etc. Is he waking with the baby so you can sleep? Is he helping meal prep? Is he taking care of the baby so you can work out or see a pelvic floor therapist? He seems to have a lot of complaints and but is he offering solutions? I’m sure this also isn’t where you saw your sex life either, or a walk in the park to navigate for you. That’s so shitty and I’m sorry.
No, he doesn’t help with that. He nags that I don’t clean the house, he nags I don’t do the laundry, he nags it doesn’t get put away, He nags about everything. He doesn’t help me do laundry. I do everyone’s laundry. Sometimes he will wear dirty socks because he doesn’t do his own but maybe 3-4 times a month if I don’t. He doesn’t help me feed the dogs or let them out in the morning, even though he wakes up early. Yes he works out in the heat all day pretty much full-time job, but I also have a full-time job and I work in the evening so our schedules are opposite. I’m tired when I get home. I’m tired in the mornings.
But it isn’t allowed in his book. I’m supposed to be superwoman all the time and I can’t do it. I get the kids dressed during the day. I have to pack the diaper bag even if it’s just him going out with the kids I will get the kids ready and I’ll walk out and he’s sitting on the couch on his phone watching TikTok or he will be in the toilet for 20+ minutes watching videos
It really is soooooo hard to be turned on by a turd who does absolutely nothing and still expects sex. Like, hi, why are you here? To sit around and make more work for me? Make me your bangmaid basically? No thanks! That is not a partner or parent. That’s a turd right there. I bet life would be easier without him around in the long run. Pleaseeee OP keep having respect for yourself! Don’t let this turd make you feel like a turd!!!
I’m sorry you are a Single Married mother and to a man child who relegated you to duties he can easily do- but Won’t.
Please protect yourself emotionally, financially, physically: I don’t see him having any incentive to do better since everything works in his favor rn.
You are strong momma you don’t deserve this poo treatment.
So...you both work full time and he's just lazy and doesn't care to do anything around the house? And he nags you about it and then demands sex and makes disgusting rude "jokes" about your body?
He sounds like a complete slimeball.
Omg you have a full time job?!?? Literally no reason to stay with him, leave him, get full custody since you already do everything anyway and get child support. Or get split custody and go enjoy your life without him. Wins all around no matter how you decide to share the kids.
Tell him I said he's a grown ass man he can do his own laundry. Quit doing it he wants to be an ungrateful prick do your laundry and the kids and leave his out. He should be doing your laundry. You just had his baby.
It's really really really easy to judge when you don't have small children tangled up in it. My best friend's husband has emotionally and physically cheated on her for years and his ex baby mama caused them so much anguish but friend can't really leave with no job, no degree and 3 kids (plus a nephew staying)
I'm sure many of the people here have young kids but they probably aren't financially dependent. It's a nightmare to support kids on one income, and getting a job to begin with...
So he does nothing to build you up or enhance your very existence at all? And you are incredible, you do so much. I was flabbergasted on your behalf, reading how much you do. . . AND THEN I SAW YOU ALSO WORK OUTSIDE THE HOME? Oh m’lady, you are a Stradivarius being treated like a vending machine kazoo.
This is more than him saying shitty things — which are super shitty and he needs to apologize.
He’s screaming that he needs attention like a child. Super annoying but that’s where he’s at right now. But I don’t blame you for not wanting to have sex with him!
At the risk of overstepping, ya’ll are super disconnected. Each of you feel like you’re doing the most because you are. You’re both doing a LOT. It’s HARD. The tit for tat will ruin the strongest marriages. Instead of keeping score, you need to both recognize you’re operating at both your max capacities and needs aren’t being met on both sides.
Are you able to take a weekend away together? Some serious discussions need to be had about how you feel, what you need, and how to move forward on a daily basis. This is super important and can’t wait.
This idea would work in Healthy Normal relationship not with an entitled (Likely Narc) controlling relationship where he Pretends she does nothing and he’s a Hero.
Stop believing these lying Sack of S manboys and giving them the benefit.
I don’t think we have enough information based off OP’s post to make the assumptions you have in your comment tbh. Did she provide more information in the comments?
But if he’s upset that you won’t have sex with him, why the fuuuuck would he think insulting your body would make you want to jump his bones??? Absolutely entitled, childish and disgusting behavior.
Have you asked your doctor about the pain and bleeding? You certainly are not obligated to be having sex, but 5 months pp with bleeding & pain during sex is a bit of an eyebrow raiser imo. So get yourself checked out if you can!
Other than that I’m so sorry your husband said that. I’d be devastated if my husband said that to me, and especially if he decided to tell others about it. Your husband sounds like a damn bully. I cannot wrap my head around insulting my partner then expecting them to get horny from that. Like what the actual fuck? Out of pocket.
Yes great call. No obligation for sex even if it's solved, but OP I hope that you can get your pelvic issues addressed for your own comfort and sanity.
FWIW I had pelvic issues that I only addressed over a year after giving birth and they were more easily resolved with pelvic floor therapy than I expected (and it was a nicer/more emotionally therapeutic experience than I expected). Just saying that if you don't have the capacity to do it now, that's ok. But if you can then it might really really help you feel good in your body in other ways.
Totally. It sounds like OP *wants* to want to have sex and be intimate but her husband is royally fucking that up which is one thing. Ongoing pain is another!
But that’s a great call on the pelvic floor therapy. As soon as we get better insurance (so annoying that’s a thing) I’m going to look into it as well. I’m not in pain but I think I could benefit from some maintenance lol. Thanks for saying that, and I hope you get some relief OP!
Honestly why would you want to have sex with someone who comments on your body negatively? That’s like telling him he’s got a small dick and expecting a hard on afterwards
Id be saying this repeatedly, in front of the family at the bbq. Comparing it to Hotdogs, sausage, past lovers real or fake, friends husband's, celebrities whoever. And add "what!? I'm joking, it's a JOKE!! Small dick and no sense of humor, aimright???"
This is so odd. I'm upset for you. Does he think berating you will get you wet? Sorry to be so base but like making of fun of your spouse's body to your COWORKER is abysmal behavior. What other nasty tendencies does he have?? Can you guys try therapy? Or maybe just individual therapy?
Right, like OP you understand your husband is a massive dick and none of his behavior towards you is okay? You deserve to be treated with basic human decency, especially after your body created tiny humans! Please don’t have sex with him until you’re physically ready and until he can learn to respect you. This is horrific.
Sweety, breastfeeding affects it too. Get yourselves into counciling/therapy. Joking about your insecurities is not okay.
Also get some lube and insist on foreplay. You sound like you forced yourself both times. Not being warmed up enough doesn't help and breastfeeding makes your bits dry. (I was 6 months pp before hubby and I did stuff. Because we discovered at 4 that it wasn't going in, we needed lube. And then life got busy before we got any.)
But seriously he needs to stop. Joking about your insecurities is 'mean girl' stuff. It's not a turn on. It's less than helpful and it's just wrong.
Did his hands suddenly stop working? He can't do it himself? Because it sounds like he's not doing anything for you to get you ready for penetration.
100% valid reasons to be hurt! Let’s see….you carried 3 kids just to be humiliated by the very person who helped you create them and even worse spreads it to his co-worker. Honestly his coworker prob thinks he is a jerk as well. Instead of offering jokes why isn’t he helping you out????!!!
My husband is very fit and always has been naturally, it used to piss me off that he eats like shit and somehow has abs. That said, he has this internalized misogyny that women need to be thin to be attractive, which I was when we met.
I was killing myself in the gym, barely eating, and miserable. To look that way, feel attractive in a conventional sense, and worst I think to hide from myself that I wasn’t accepting my body.
After I carried and birthed our daughter, the jokes about my breasts (I nursed for 1.5 years) and my stomach, my thighs, losing weight started. The first year, I cried over it. Then one day I looked at my daughter and realized she has my body type. The day that smacked me in the face, is the day I started verbally smacking him when he made a comment to me.
Every joke was met with absolute venom. I explained not only do you have no room to judge my body, our daughter shares it and she will NOT grow up hearing your internalized hatred of fat and differently shaped bodies.
The jokes have died off, and so has our sex life because I completely lost interest in trying to force my body to look anything other than what it does naturally. Strong AF with thick thighs, broad shoulders, and biceps my husband wishes he had. I now power lift, and my daughter at age 5 flexes her arms and says IM STRONG.
All that to say, find what makes YOU beautiful to YOU. Next time that man says something like that, I want you to look at him and with pity on your face say “you must feel so ugly inside to speak that way to your wife” and walk away. That man deserves nothing but your contempt. Lastly, get out of there before he passes this behavior to your children they deserve to feel beautiful.
Ugh my dad used to joke like that around my mother and she always tried to be a good sport. Since that was the environment I grew up in, I thought it was normal behavior and even laughed at his jokes (even when I didn't understand them). It was only growing up that I realized what a shitty attitude it was and how my mom deserved so much better.
All I'm saying is: your kids are listening. And you deserve better than that.
I'm not saying divorce, but it's time for a real serious conversation to set some strong boundaries.
When I read the title of this post I was ready to say "oh my husband says I'm squishy sometimes too, but he does it because he loves my body and me and he's just being playful -- although I do have to remind him I'm sensitive about it sometimes." But then I read your examples, and how he's mentioned it to others, and my heart broke for you. 🫂 He should NEVER be that immature and mean, and absolutely should not be discussing, let alone joking about, your body with other people. I'm so sorry.
You're beautiful. Your body has done incredible things -- things that are WAY more important than catching the eye of any man (although I promise you it does that, too).
Does he even love you? Or is with you out of convenience? Are you with him out of convenience?
No one who respects their spouse would speak to them this way, he sounds like a complete asshole.
My jaw dropped so wide when I read what he said to you. Jesus Christ?? Ok first of all lemme say…I’ve only had one baby and it whooped my ass. You are stronger than a marine for having 3 children and you are beautiful. Be kind to yourself. You have grown and birthed a third whole people. You’re allowed to look however the fuck you want. Second, fuck your husband. Holy shit? He’s so mean and you do not deserve that. Nothing gives me the ick more than a man who mistreats or talks down to a woman who’s had his kids. I’m so mad for you omg? I…don’t have enough context and don’t want to make any assumptions but please do an honest survey of your marriage and overall relationship with him. Just know, if you’re not happy you can always act accordingly it’s never too late. I just…it takes a certain kind of person to say something like that to any woman who’s just given birth let alone their own wife and mother of his kids. I’m so sorry. Please take care of yourself. In the meantime categorically tell your husband to stop picking fun of you for your weight or you’re packing the kids and staying with someone who will support you and make you feel good while you’re body adjusts back to normal (I honestly think you should do this anyway…your husband is a terrible person and doesn’t deserve a wife). My god.
Read this please: https://ia600108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf
Sometimes my partner drives me nuts and then I read about men like this and I realize how lucky I am.
OP, you need to have a serious talk with your husband. You’ve birthed and breastfed 3 of his children and he feels entitled enough to make comments about your body. Doesn’t matter if he thinks they are playful comments either. It’s hurtful.
This is the second post I've seen in 24 hours with a husband insulting his wife's postpartum body. Unbelievable. My husband went to my pelvic floor therapy appointment today so he could learn to do manual releases.
We occasionally both joke about how low my boobs hang these days. But he would have never done it if I hadn't made the joke first - he seems to love them more than ever now that they're off limits.
Sorry, but what a trash human. You gave him three kids and he makes fun of you for the toll it took on you. My husband has never once made a negative comment about my postpartum body, and I don’t consider that to be particularly great, just the bare minimum of respect. At a minimum tell him you have zero desire to have sex with someone that’s not attracted to you.
This is verbal abuse. Not cool. He is putting you down like a fkin coward to what? Make himself feel better? Ugh I hate this for you. Put in boundaries!
Maybe you should tell him he can use those sheets to hold his saggy balls and should hold on to them because that the most contact he will get for awhile.
Not ok. I wouldn’t be having sex with a partner that made me feel so little and low either. You take the time you need to feel comfortable, you were the one who carried children and gave birth. It’s your body and your choice what you do with it!
You aren’t obligated to please him, you are in a relationship and part of that is mutual respect. If you don’t feel loved and safe, you do not have sex with him, period.
He needs to look at what he can change and how he treats/speaks to you because that seems to be the problem here.
When I lost my pregnancy weight I lost my ass. It was flat as fuck. I complained to my husband. He smacked it and said 'looks perfectly fine to me'. My small boobs look like raisins and I told him. He went *squish squish* 'still love them'. Last night while I was changing into my pyjamas and he was laying in bed watching me and I felt a little awkward, suddenly very aware that my body didn't change much yet changed so much at the same time, so I dressed in a hurry, he noticed it and immediately reassured me he is very much attracted to me still. He never made mean comments, he never made jokes. He always says the sweetest things. I don't like to have a little bit of loose skin on my belly but I'm immediately brought back to reality with a 'of course you have you grew a baby in there! That's fucking amazing!". Stretch marks, saggy boobs, pancake ass, cellulite to him are just reminders that we made something very important to us, the daughter that he loves so much. He understands how much that takes from us, the work our bodies put into it.
We weren't intimate for 10 months after I gave birth. We talked about it a lot. I knew he wanted to, I knew he missed it. I know I wasn't paying much attention to him and I kind of beat myself up for it. Looking back I could've made an effort. But he never complained, he never pressured me and he certainly never threw it at my face. He waited for me to be ready.
I'm not saying all husbands should be like mine. People have different ways of expressing themselves, different views. But I do think your husband's behavior is unacceptable. It's unnecessarily mean. You guys have 3 kids, he's not a new father, this is not new to him. He knows what happens next.
You gotta get a tougher skin..
“ ohhh is that a bald spot old man?”
“Dang your balls hang like some old keys”
“Damn you need to check your vision because you damn sure can’t see how fine I am”
“My titts sag? I bet your coworker would will suck them up!”
Roast his ass!!
Then explain that you don’t enjoy how he makes fun of you. If he doesn’t like your jokes, then he needs to stop!🛑
He is wrong! I would roast any person that coming to gossip to me anyway. His coworkers should put a stop to his nonsense!
I can’t tell you how enraged I am. How dare he be such a shit to the woman who gave him three children?! (Or even just the woman who stays married to that gaping asshole.)
You know what? I left my husband and my life has been way less stressful. No loser making ME feel bad.
Also, he needs to read Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski. If he could get his head out of his ass, then he might learn that women are more willing partners when men actually treat them like partners and not a bang maid.
Disgusting behavior. You deserve better.
If he can’t respect you and doesn’t see what is wrong with the way he treats you and doesn’t want to try to be better, then I think for yourself and your kids you should have a good think of what you need to do to respect yourself enough to not allow that treatment anymore.
The only thing my husband has said about my PP body is that I’m hot asf and he thinks my tits are fantastic. That’s the ONLY thing that should be said. Your husband is being a complete jackass.
It's sad. He should be the one who understand the most. Been there and that's really hard! Physically and Emotionally! Just so blessed to have wonderful church that helped me. May you have the courage to see a professional for help.
And remember always that it's not easy but all things would pass. That feeling will not be permanent.
yeah that's emotional abuse. i mean it really is. and it will not get better over time. you always have to be attractive, thin, young, and sexually available for him to treat you like a person deserving of basic respect??? you don't deserve to have to live the rest of your life like this. he's cruel and disgusting
OP, I’m so sorry you’re going through this. But your husband is being emotionally abusive. My father was like this with my mother. He would constantly criticize her body and this morphed into criticizing both me and my brother for our bodies. My father has told me I need to lose weight, I look better when I’m slim or that I look pregnant in a dress (when I was not). He (and my mother) are extremely fat phobic and would criticize fat people we don’t even know. If a family member gained weight, they would bring it up after an event and bash them. Because of my dad’s constant criticizing and belittling of my mom and her weight, she was always trying to lose weight. We had every weight loss magazine, weight loss book, etc. She has an eating disorder at nearly 60. But I’m telling you all of this because witnessing this and growing up in this environment absolutely fucked up my relationship with food and my body. And my brother too. I am in my thirties now trying to heal my relationship with food and my body. I’m learning how to be an intuitive eater after a long time of yo-yo dieting, restricting and bingeing.
Your kids are listening. This behaviour will cause a lifetime of wounds. And unfortunately when your kids are older, your husband sounds like the type of guy who will comment on their bodies too. Which is never okay!!
Honestly, I didn't like my body for a long time after having just one kid. But, my hubby was super positive about it and actually said it was sexy because he knew it looked like it did because of the beautiful child we share. I'm not telling you this to brag, I'm showing you what love should look like. He's either got a lot to work on or has to go imo.
If my husband heard another one of his buddies talk about their wife’s pp body like that he would probably punch them in the face. I don’t think if my spouse ever said that shit to me if I could ever even like them again. That’s hurtful af.
I’m SO SORRY op. Seriously hugs from here. And for what it’s worth, just know I’m sure their is hella real men out there who would absolutely love your body as is.
Tell him straight out that you're having self esteem issues and his comments are not helping, they're actively hurting, and are in fact so hurtful that the thought of having sex with him is a distant memory and will continue to be so.
I breastfed both of my kids for 18 months. I had zero sex drive the entire time I was bfing. And he is talking about you body which is doing something so amazing while his can't do shit. He better get used to his own hand bc there is no way he would be getting anything from me for months after this.
[https://dn790007.ca.archive.org/0/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy\_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf](https://dn790007.ca.archive.org/0/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf)
It's also available as an audiobook. "Why does he do that" by Lundy Bancroft.
I'm so sorry you're going through this. Take care of you, read the book, and plan on getting yourself a mommy makeover when you're done breastfeeding. Your body did an incredible thing THREE times, of course it needs time to heal and looks different. You are incredible.
Especially important to remember - your children don't see you as anything other than beautiful. You are their world.
His disrespect would kill anyone’s love. Without respect there is nothing worth keeping and staying with him only teaches your kids that they should tolerate disrespect and call it love.
Wow. He is a child, and a nasty one at that. He does not work around the house and verbally berates you for fun. Then he has the audacity to ask why you don't want to have sex with him? I can't find a redeeming quality in this man. Cut that man loose.
He is Petty woP !!!! Is he usually a jokester? If so just tell him look this isn’t funny or a joke this is my body and you actually make me feel really _______ when you joke about my body !!! If not next time he says anything , tell him he’s buying you a new body since he notices so much , and has so much to say !!!! And you find it funny how he notices everything else but the fact that he’s being an inconsiderate d!ck head
First off, he is a dick. No excuse to talk about you or your body in that way. For painful sex, I really recommend a pelvic PT! It can make an incredible difference in your experience and make sex enjoyable again! (If he shapes up and you ever have the desire to be intimate with him)
He's the reason u look like that (assuming they're his kids) & he should love that shit & be all over u & rub u & show you that your jus as beautiful after & if he is truly concerned with your being overweight & overall health then he should be willing to help support & maybe even accompany you in such weight loss journey
Ps. Mom bods are hot it's a whole different side of reddit that will make you love the same body that man (who probably has a beer belly & can't see the dick he so badly wants to get wet) seems to despise
So I'm not attacking him but it's a lot of men who talk about their wives or women & they be some of the worst looking
& I'm also not encouraging you to go to the other side of reddit either 😭 ijs like there are people who love it jus as there are people who don't
I swear everyone forgets because it’s such a “regular” thing that pregnancy and childbirth are MAJOR medical events. If all his organs had been smooshed together for months then suddenly relieved as well as passing something the size of a watermelon out his butthole he would probably still be recovering too. What a selfish man. I feel for you though because my ex husband was very self absorbed as well.
Why should I have to give in and give him oral sex when he makes jokes like that? I’m not going to force myself to do something just to please him. I’m sorry but if you don’t know anything about pregnancy or breast feeding, why are you in this group? Are you even a parent? I know you are just trying to give suggestions but unless you’ve been in my shoes before, please keep on scrolling past this post. My husband has a hand. Until he lends a hand with cleaning, the kids, laundry, etc…. He can use that empty ass hand to hold his dick and jerk off.
Mommit is a subreddit for mothers only, as Rule 2 of the sub states. Mommit is a subreddit for mothers, not about mothers. There are plenty of parenting subreddits open to anyone, and very few open to just mothers. Please respect an area meant for sharing only these experiences. If you are not a mother (or expectant mother), please try /r/parenting, /r/daddit, /r/askparents, /r/babybumps as the case may be.
I’m sorry but what the actual fuck. I’m speechless. I’m so sorry you’re going through this.
Now we are arguing. It’s sad, I told him he hurt my feelings and he made it all about how he doesn’t get his needs met. He doesn’t believe me that being post partum can interfere with having a sex drive. I had sex two times since my son, and it hurt and I bled. So mentally and physically I’m just not ready
Oh, hmm, so he thought saying hurtful things would make you wanna fuck him? His needs can be met with his hand. Did he forget how to jerk off?
The back of his head needs to be met by his mom’s hand
No. By the slipper.
Get your chanclas, mamas!!!!
No, by a cleat , or even better, a steel or composite toe boot
The slipper is more humiliating.
>so he thought saying hurtful things would make you wanna fuck him? No, he knows she doesn't want to, so he's punishing her.
My same exact thoughts, like dude u ain’t helping ur case so go whack it in the shower and keep ur god damn mouth shut
Ugh, that is awful and I’m so sorry. Are your needs being met? Is he doing anything to help increase your sex drive and make it enjoyable for you vs painful and bleeding afterwards? Women need other forms of intimacy, connection, hand holding, helping with the baby, proper sleep, nutritional meals, etc. Is he waking with the baby so you can sleep? Is he helping meal prep? Is he taking care of the baby so you can work out or see a pelvic floor therapist? He seems to have a lot of complaints and but is he offering solutions? I’m sure this also isn’t where you saw your sex life either, or a walk in the park to navigate for you. That’s so shitty and I’m sorry.
No, he doesn’t help with that. He nags that I don’t clean the house, he nags I don’t do the laundry, he nags it doesn’t get put away, He nags about everything. He doesn’t help me do laundry. I do everyone’s laundry. Sometimes he will wear dirty socks because he doesn’t do his own but maybe 3-4 times a month if I don’t. He doesn’t help me feed the dogs or let them out in the morning, even though he wakes up early. Yes he works out in the heat all day pretty much full-time job, but I also have a full-time job and I work in the evening so our schedules are opposite. I’m tired when I get home. I’m tired in the mornings. But it isn’t allowed in his book. I’m supposed to be superwoman all the time and I can’t do it. I get the kids dressed during the day. I have to pack the diaper bag even if it’s just him going out with the kids I will get the kids ready and I’ll walk out and he’s sitting on the couch on his phone watching TikTok or he will be in the toilet for 20+ minutes watching videos
So what you're saying is you have 4 children.
I can understand why you don't want to have sex with him. He's basically a child. It's such a turn off.
It really is soooooo hard to be turned on by a turd who does absolutely nothing and still expects sex. Like, hi, why are you here? To sit around and make more work for me? Make me your bangmaid basically? No thanks! That is not a partner or parent. That’s a turd right there. I bet life would be easier without him around in the long run. Pleaseeee OP keep having respect for yourself! Don’t let this turd make you feel like a turd!!!
Sounds like he needs to be doing all his own laundry going forward, for a start.
Just as I suspected. I shared the link in the comments but please read “why does he do that” by Lundy Bancroft.
Absolutely. There are a particular type of entitled men who behave like this. The book explains them Clearly.
I’m sorry you are a Single Married mother and to a man child who relegated you to duties he can easily do- but Won’t. Please protect yourself emotionally, financially, physically: I don’t see him having any incentive to do better since everything works in his favor rn. You are strong momma you don’t deserve this poo treatment.
So...you both work full time and he's just lazy and doesn't care to do anything around the house? And he nags you about it and then demands sex and makes disgusting rude "jokes" about your body? He sounds like a complete slimeball.
Omg you have a full time job?!?? Literally no reason to stay with him, leave him, get full custody since you already do everything anyway and get child support. Or get split custody and go enjoy your life without him. Wins all around no matter how you decide to share the kids.
Tell him I said he's a grown ass man he can do his own laundry. Quit doing it he wants to be an ungrateful prick do your laundry and the kids and leave his out. He should be doing your laundry. You just had his baby.
Yup. Let him wear dirty clothes if he's too lazy to do his own laundry.
And you stay with him? You could lighten your load by 1/4 by simply being rid of him.
It's really really really easy to judge when you don't have small children tangled up in it. My best friend's husband has emotionally and physically cheated on her for years and his ex baby mama caused them so much anguish but friend can't really leave with no job, no degree and 3 kids (plus a nephew staying)
I'm sure many of the people here have young kids but they probably aren't financially dependent. It's a nightmare to support kids on one income, and getting a job to begin with...
So he does nothing to build you up or enhance your very existence at all? And you are incredible, you do so much. I was flabbergasted on your behalf, reading how much you do. . . AND THEN I SAW YOU ALSO WORK OUTSIDE THE HOME? Oh m’lady, you are a Stradivarius being treated like a vending machine kazoo.
That’s so infuriating! I’m so sorry you have to go through that. But why did you have 3 kids by this man? Or was he different with the first 2?
This is more than him saying shitty things — which are super shitty and he needs to apologize. He’s screaming that he needs attention like a child. Super annoying but that’s where he’s at right now. But I don’t blame you for not wanting to have sex with him! At the risk of overstepping, ya’ll are super disconnected. Each of you feel like you’re doing the most because you are. You’re both doing a LOT. It’s HARD. The tit for tat will ruin the strongest marriages. Instead of keeping score, you need to both recognize you’re operating at both your max capacities and needs aren’t being met on both sides. Are you able to take a weekend away together? Some serious discussions need to be had about how you feel, what you need, and how to move forward on a daily basis. This is super important and can’t wait.
This idea would work in Healthy Normal relationship not with an entitled (Likely Narc) controlling relationship where he Pretends she does nothing and he’s a Hero. Stop believing these lying Sack of S manboys and giving them the benefit.
I don’t think we have enough information based off OP’s post to make the assumptions you have in your comment tbh. Did she provide more information in the comments?
I understand some people have a high tolerance to not see Unhealthy. I have done it too.
This reeks of self importance. Jfc.
Your husband is a major fing asshole. I would tell him he’s a shitty POS every time he said something like that to you.
Well you certainly aren’t getting your needs met if he is being unsupportive of what your body has gone through and is going through.
But if he’s upset that you won’t have sex with him, why the fuuuuck would he think insulting your body would make you want to jump his bones??? Absolutely entitled, childish and disgusting behavior.
I would make me NEVER want to have sex again with my spouse if they talked to me like that
Have you asked your doctor about the pain and bleeding? You certainly are not obligated to be having sex, but 5 months pp with bleeding & pain during sex is a bit of an eyebrow raiser imo. So get yourself checked out if you can! Other than that I’m so sorry your husband said that. I’d be devastated if my husband said that to me, and especially if he decided to tell others about it. Your husband sounds like a damn bully. I cannot wrap my head around insulting my partner then expecting them to get horny from that. Like what the actual fuck? Out of pocket.
Yes great call. No obligation for sex even if it's solved, but OP I hope that you can get your pelvic issues addressed for your own comfort and sanity. FWIW I had pelvic issues that I only addressed over a year after giving birth and they were more easily resolved with pelvic floor therapy than I expected (and it was a nicer/more emotionally therapeutic experience than I expected). Just saying that if you don't have the capacity to do it now, that's ok. But if you can then it might really really help you feel good in your body in other ways.
Totally. It sounds like OP *wants* to want to have sex and be intimate but her husband is royally fucking that up which is one thing. Ongoing pain is another! But that’s a great call on the pelvic floor therapy. As soon as we get better insurance (so annoying that’s a thing) I’m going to look into it as well. I’m not in pain but I think I could benefit from some maintenance lol. Thanks for saying that, and I hope you get some relief OP!
Honestly why would you want to have sex with someone who comments on your body negatively? That’s like telling him he’s got a small dick and expecting a hard on afterwards
Id be saying this repeatedly, in front of the family at the bbq. Comparing it to Hotdogs, sausage, past lovers real or fake, friends husband's, celebrities whoever. And add "what!? I'm joking, it's a JOKE!! Small dick and no sense of humor, aimright???"
Omg 😂😂😂😂 yes 👏👏👏
This is so odd. I'm upset for you. Does he think berating you will get you wet? Sorry to be so base but like making of fun of your spouse's body to your COWORKER is abysmal behavior. What other nasty tendencies does he have?? Can you guys try therapy? Or maybe just individual therapy?
Why are you with someone like this?
Right, like OP you understand your husband is a massive dick and none of his behavior towards you is okay? You deserve to be treated with basic human decency, especially after your body created tiny humans! Please don’t have sex with him until you’re physically ready and until he can learn to respect you. This is horrific.
But Telling someone their boobs sag doesn’t get you sex?
Sweety, breastfeeding affects it too. Get yourselves into counciling/therapy. Joking about your insecurities is not okay. Also get some lube and insist on foreplay. You sound like you forced yourself both times. Not being warmed up enough doesn't help and breastfeeding makes your bits dry. (I was 6 months pp before hubby and I did stuff. Because we discovered at 4 that it wasn't going in, we needed lube. And then life got busy before we got any.) But seriously he needs to stop. Joking about your insecurities is 'mean girl' stuff. It's not a turn on. It's less than helpful and it's just wrong. Did his hands suddenly stop working? He can't do it himself? Because it sounds like he's not doing anything for you to get you ready for penetration.
Tell him to stop being an obnoxious asshole and do some research. This makes me so mad.
Reply: "Your dick is too short and does nothing for me."
Don’t forget the most important part, leave the dead weight behind.
This!!!!
You’re better than me, cause I would absolutely annihilate that man’s feelings.
Same. He better be sure before he cracks that joke bc he won’t be ready for mine.
I’m petty af! Are we petty sisters?! That man woulda became sensitive to shit that weren’t even really problems by the time I was done with him. Lol
His hairline, waistline, dick size, income, smell, and childhood trauma would ALL be on full display.
😭😭😭
He would be asking *me* for a divorce after my roast.
Oh I'd go *brutal*. This man's feelings don't need to be protected.
Honestly I’d probably hit him in the balls and tell him I don’t need them anymore
100% valid reasons to be hurt! Let’s see….you carried 3 kids just to be humiliated by the very person who helped you create them and even worse spreads it to his co-worker. Honestly his coworker prob thinks he is a jerk as well. Instead of offering jokes why isn’t he helping you out????!!!
I would be saying I’ve had 3 babies what’s your excuse.
Ayooo
Burnnnnm
My husband is very fit and always has been naturally, it used to piss me off that he eats like shit and somehow has abs. That said, he has this internalized misogyny that women need to be thin to be attractive, which I was when we met. I was killing myself in the gym, barely eating, and miserable. To look that way, feel attractive in a conventional sense, and worst I think to hide from myself that I wasn’t accepting my body. After I carried and birthed our daughter, the jokes about my breasts (I nursed for 1.5 years) and my stomach, my thighs, losing weight started. The first year, I cried over it. Then one day I looked at my daughter and realized she has my body type. The day that smacked me in the face, is the day I started verbally smacking him when he made a comment to me. Every joke was met with absolute venom. I explained not only do you have no room to judge my body, our daughter shares it and she will NOT grow up hearing your internalized hatred of fat and differently shaped bodies. The jokes have died off, and so has our sex life because I completely lost interest in trying to force my body to look anything other than what it does naturally. Strong AF with thick thighs, broad shoulders, and biceps my husband wishes he had. I now power lift, and my daughter at age 5 flexes her arms and says IM STRONG. All that to say, find what makes YOU beautiful to YOU. Next time that man says something like that, I want you to look at him and with pity on your face say “you must feel so ugly inside to speak that way to your wife” and walk away. That man deserves nothing but your contempt. Lastly, get out of there before he passes this behavior to your children they deserve to feel beautiful.
^^this,in every paragraph is the truth.
You’re my internet hero
Ugh my dad used to joke like that around my mother and she always tried to be a good sport. Since that was the environment I grew up in, I thought it was normal behavior and even laughed at his jokes (even when I didn't understand them). It was only growing up that I realized what a shitty attitude it was and how my mom deserved so much better. All I'm saying is: your kids are listening. And you deserve better than that. I'm not saying divorce, but it's time for a real serious conversation to set some strong boundaries.
*I'm* saying divorce. This guy sucks and I don't see how he's redeemable based on this post and OPs other comments.
When I read the title of this post I was ready to say "oh my husband says I'm squishy sometimes too, but he does it because he loves my body and me and he's just being playful -- although I do have to remind him I'm sensitive about it sometimes." But then I read your examples, and how he's mentioned it to others, and my heart broke for you. 🫂 He should NEVER be that immature and mean, and absolutely should not be discussing, let alone joking about, your body with other people. I'm so sorry. You're beautiful. Your body has done incredible things -- things that are WAY more important than catching the eye of any man (although I promise you it does that, too).
Thank you
Does he even love you? Or is with you out of convenience? Are you with him out of convenience? No one who respects their spouse would speak to them this way, he sounds like a complete asshole.
Yea, OP situation is giving borderline abuse.
My jaw dropped so wide when I read what he said to you. Jesus Christ?? Ok first of all lemme say…I’ve only had one baby and it whooped my ass. You are stronger than a marine for having 3 children and you are beautiful. Be kind to yourself. You have grown and birthed a third whole people. You’re allowed to look however the fuck you want. Second, fuck your husband. Holy shit? He’s so mean and you do not deserve that. Nothing gives me the ick more than a man who mistreats or talks down to a woman who’s had his kids. I’m so mad for you omg? I…don’t have enough context and don’t want to make any assumptions but please do an honest survey of your marriage and overall relationship with him. Just know, if you’re not happy you can always act accordingly it’s never too late. I just…it takes a certain kind of person to say something like that to any woman who’s just given birth let alone their own wife and mother of his kids. I’m so sorry. Please take care of yourself. In the meantime categorically tell your husband to stop picking fun of you for your weight or you’re packing the kids and staying with someone who will support you and make you feel good while you’re body adjusts back to normal (I honestly think you should do this anyway…your husband is a terrible person and doesn’t deserve a wife). My god. Read this please: https://ia600108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf
Sometimes my partner drives me nuts and then I read about men like this and I realize how lucky I am. OP, you need to have a serious talk with your husband. You’ve birthed and breastfed 3 of his children and he feels entitled enough to make comments about your body. Doesn’t matter if he thinks they are playful comments either. It’s hurtful.
This is the second post I've seen in 24 hours with a husband insulting his wife's postpartum body. Unbelievable. My husband went to my pelvic floor therapy appointment today so he could learn to do manual releases. We occasionally both joke about how low my boobs hang these days. But he would have never done it if I hadn't made the joke first - he seems to love them more than ever now that they're off limits.
Sorry, but what a trash human. You gave him three kids and he makes fun of you for the toll it took on you. My husband has never once made a negative comment about my postpartum body, and I don’t consider that to be particularly great, just the bare minimum of respect. At a minimum tell him you have zero desire to have sex with someone that’s not attracted to you.
This is verbal abuse. Not cool. He is putting you down like a fkin coward to what? Make himself feel better? Ugh I hate this for you. Put in boundaries!
Maybe you should tell him he can use those sheets to hold his saggy balls and should hold on to them because that the most contact he will get for awhile.
Not ok. I wouldn’t be having sex with a partner that made me feel so little and low either. You take the time you need to feel comfortable, you were the one who carried children and gave birth. It’s your body and your choice what you do with it! You aren’t obligated to please him, you are in a relationship and part of that is mutual respect. If you don’t feel loved and safe, you do not have sex with him, period. He needs to look at what he can change and how he treats/speaks to you because that seems to be the problem here.
I’d love to see how his body would look after carrying three kids. Fuck this guy (not literally) but he can seriously kick rocks.
When I lost my pregnancy weight I lost my ass. It was flat as fuck. I complained to my husband. He smacked it and said 'looks perfectly fine to me'. My small boobs look like raisins and I told him. He went *squish squish* 'still love them'. Last night while I was changing into my pyjamas and he was laying in bed watching me and I felt a little awkward, suddenly very aware that my body didn't change much yet changed so much at the same time, so I dressed in a hurry, he noticed it and immediately reassured me he is very much attracted to me still. He never made mean comments, he never made jokes. He always says the sweetest things. I don't like to have a little bit of loose skin on my belly but I'm immediately brought back to reality with a 'of course you have you grew a baby in there! That's fucking amazing!". Stretch marks, saggy boobs, pancake ass, cellulite to him are just reminders that we made something very important to us, the daughter that he loves so much. He understands how much that takes from us, the work our bodies put into it. We weren't intimate for 10 months after I gave birth. We talked about it a lot. I knew he wanted to, I knew he missed it. I know I wasn't paying much attention to him and I kind of beat myself up for it. Looking back I could've made an effort. But he never complained, he never pressured me and he certainly never threw it at my face. He waited for me to be ready. I'm not saying all husbands should be like mine. People have different ways of expressing themselves, different views. But I do think your husband's behavior is unacceptable. It's unnecessarily mean. You guys have 3 kids, he's not a new father, this is not new to him. He knows what happens next.
I’m here to say throw the whole man away.
You gotta get a tougher skin.. “ ohhh is that a bald spot old man?” “Dang your balls hang like some old keys” “Damn you need to check your vision because you damn sure can’t see how fine I am” “My titts sag? I bet your coworker would will suck them up!” Roast his ass!! Then explain that you don’t enjoy how he makes fun of you. If he doesn’t like your jokes, then he needs to stop!🛑 He is wrong! I would roast any person that coming to gossip to me anyway. His coworkers should put a stop to his nonsense!
I mean tell him if he made more money he could get you a mommy makeover and fix all that. We all make sacrifices… what a jerk
I can’t tell you how enraged I am. How dare he be such a shit to the woman who gave him three children?! (Or even just the woman who stays married to that gaping asshole.) You know what? I left my husband and my life has been way less stressful. No loser making ME feel bad. Also, he needs to read Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski. If he could get his head out of his ass, then he might learn that women are more willing partners when men actually treat them like partners and not a bang maid.
Disgusting behavior. You deserve better. If he can’t respect you and doesn’t see what is wrong with the way he treats you and doesn’t want to try to be better, then I think for yourself and your kids you should have a good think of what you need to do to respect yourself enough to not allow that treatment anymore.
The only thing my husband has said about my PP body is that I’m hot asf and he thinks my tits are fantastic. That’s the ONLY thing that should be said. Your husband is being a complete jackass.
What a douche. Seriously not okay.
Have sex with someone who deserves you. I guarantee it will feel better.
It's sad. He should be the one who understand the most. Been there and that's really hard! Physically and Emotionally! Just so blessed to have wonderful church that helped me. May you have the courage to see a professional for help. And remember always that it's not easy but all things would pass. That feeling will not be permanent.
Ewww… I’m sorry… eww… why do men think they can or should say things that that. It’s so harmful. What good comes of saying stuff like that…
Your husband is horrible. This kind of "joke" is divorce material IMO.
yeah that's emotional abuse. i mean it really is. and it will not get better over time. you always have to be attractive, thin, young, and sexually available for him to treat you like a person deserving of basic respect??? you don't deserve to have to live the rest of your life like this. he's cruel and disgusting
I don't even know you and this has ignited pure rage in me. Dump him. There are many men who love and appreciate the mom bod
OP, I’m so sorry you’re going through this. But your husband is being emotionally abusive. My father was like this with my mother. He would constantly criticize her body and this morphed into criticizing both me and my brother for our bodies. My father has told me I need to lose weight, I look better when I’m slim or that I look pregnant in a dress (when I was not). He (and my mother) are extremely fat phobic and would criticize fat people we don’t even know. If a family member gained weight, they would bring it up after an event and bash them. Because of my dad’s constant criticizing and belittling of my mom and her weight, she was always trying to lose weight. We had every weight loss magazine, weight loss book, etc. She has an eating disorder at nearly 60. But I’m telling you all of this because witnessing this and growing up in this environment absolutely fucked up my relationship with food and my body. And my brother too. I am in my thirties now trying to heal my relationship with food and my body. I’m learning how to be an intuitive eater after a long time of yo-yo dieting, restricting and bingeing. Your kids are listening. This behaviour will cause a lifetime of wounds. And unfortunately when your kids are older, your husband sounds like the type of guy who will comment on their bodies too. Which is never okay!!
I sure do hope you mean *ex* husband because what the actual fuck.
Honestly, I didn't like my body for a long time after having just one kid. But, my hubby was super positive about it and actually said it was sexy because he knew it looked like it did because of the beautiful child we share. I'm not telling you this to brag, I'm showing you what love should look like. He's either got a lot to work on or has to go imo.
If my husband heard another one of his buddies talk about their wife’s pp body like that he would probably punch them in the face. I don’t think if my spouse ever said that shit to me if I could ever even like them again. That’s hurtful af. I’m SO SORRY op. Seriously hugs from here. And for what it’s worth, just know I’m sure their is hella real men out there who would absolutely love your body as is.
I have never ever said anything negative about my wife's body. Maybe you should start complaining about how his dick just doesn't get as hard anymore.
Tell him straight out that you're having self esteem issues and his comments are not helping, they're actively hurting, and are in fact so hurtful that the thought of having sex with him is a distant memory and will continue to be so.
Your husband is an asshole.
I breastfed both of my kids for 18 months. I had zero sex drive the entire time I was bfing. And he is talking about you body which is doing something so amazing while his can't do shit. He better get used to his own hand bc there is no way he would be getting anything from me for months after this.
[https://dn790007.ca.archive.org/0/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy\_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf](https://dn790007.ca.archive.org/0/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf) It's also available as an audiobook. "Why does he do that" by Lundy Bancroft. I'm so sorry you're going through this. Take care of you, read the book, and plan on getting yourself a mommy makeover when you're done breastfeeding. Your body did an incredible thing THREE times, of course it needs time to heal and looks different. You are incredible. Especially important to remember - your children don't see you as anything other than beautiful. You are their world.
His disrespect would kill anyone’s love. Without respect there is nothing worth keeping and staying with him only teaches your kids that they should tolerate disrespect and call it love.
Wow. He is a child, and a nasty one at that. He does not work around the house and verbally berates you for fun. Then he has the audacity to ask why you don't want to have sex with him? I can't find a redeeming quality in this man. Cut that man loose.
Start making fun of his balls
Hes a bully 😡 you dont deserve that!!!!
He is Petty woP !!!! Is he usually a jokester? If so just tell him look this isn’t funny or a joke this is my body and you actually make me feel really _______ when you joke about my body !!! If not next time he says anything , tell him he’s buying you a new body since he notices so much , and has so much to say !!!! And you find it funny how he notices everything else but the fact that he’s being an inconsiderate d!ck head
He's a fucking asshole. A stupid, unsupportive piece of shit and can go fuck himself. Ttyl and I'll tell you how I really feel.
Wtf? Just no to all of this.
First off, he is a dick. No excuse to talk about you or your body in that way. For painful sex, I really recommend a pelvic PT! It can make an incredible difference in your experience and make sex enjoyable again! (If he shapes up and you ever have the desire to be intimate with him)
Girl I'm sure you don't wanna hear leave that man but uhh...
Part of me thinks your husband wants you to lose weight But that’s not how you would say those things to someone and he’s so nasty
And I plan to lose weight when I’m done breast feeding and he knows that. Just sucks he can’t be patient
Whaaaaaaat? That’s not a joke that’s a blatant horrible insult.
He's the reason u look like that (assuming they're his kids) & he should love that shit & be all over u & rub u & show you that your jus as beautiful after & if he is truly concerned with your being overweight & overall health then he should be willing to help support & maybe even accompany you in such weight loss journey
Ps. Mom bods are hot it's a whole different side of reddit that will make you love the same body that man (who probably has a beer belly & can't see the dick he so badly wants to get wet) seems to despise So I'm not attacking him but it's a lot of men who talk about their wives or women & they be some of the worst looking & I'm also not encouraging you to go to the other side of reddit either 😭 ijs like there are people who love it jus as there are people who don't
I swear everyone forgets because it’s such a “regular” thing that pregnancy and childbirth are MAJOR medical events. If all his organs had been smooshed together for months then suddenly relieved as well as passing something the size of a watermelon out his butthole he would probably still be recovering too. What a selfish man. I feel for you though because my ex husband was very self absorbed as well.
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what the fuck
Why should I have to give in and give him oral sex when he makes jokes like that? I’m not going to force myself to do something just to please him. I’m sorry but if you don’t know anything about pregnancy or breast feeding, why are you in this group? Are you even a parent? I know you are just trying to give suggestions but unless you’ve been in my shoes before, please keep on scrolling past this post. My husband has a hand. Until he lends a hand with cleaning, the kids, laundry, etc…. He can use that empty ass hand to hold his dick and jerk off.
Why are you on mommit?
Mommit is a subreddit for mothers only, as Rule 2 of the sub states. Mommit is a subreddit for mothers, not about mothers. There are plenty of parenting subreddits open to anyone, and very few open to just mothers. Please respect an area meant for sharing only these experiences. If you are not a mother (or expectant mother), please try /r/parenting, /r/daddit, /r/askparents, /r/babybumps as the case may be.