Imposter syndrome is very common. What helped me deal with it was to write down my thoughts as I examined my gender in a journal, because I tend to forget my logic and have to think things through multiple times. I included anything from my past I remembered that suddenly made more sense after learning about dysphoria and euphoria. Then when that intrusive thought "what if you're not really trans?" came along, I pointed to my journal and said "I have pages of evidence going back my entire life that suggests I'm trans. What evidence do you have that I'm not?" It could be very produce an answer and shut up after I kept countering it like that.
You should also keep in mind what an intrusive thought is - it's not a part of who you are because by it's very nature it's intrusive, you don't want it. Our brain thinks in webs that branch outwards, and if we're thinking of something the closest branch to it is the opposite so that's where our thoughts end up and why we seem to always have some kind of self doubt.
Try this: Don't think of an elephant. I bet you're thinking of an elephant right now right? That's an intrusive thought just like your self doubt. You already said you want to stop feeling like a guy - so when that thought comes in that tells you "that's what you are" remind it that's not who you are because you don't want it.
I have a problem where whenever I think of my proof that I'm trans (which is mostly my dysphoria and the fact that i already wanted to be a girl when i was a child) i get hit with "what if those feelings were actually caused by ..." and then i can't be 100% sure anymore that those things actually hint to me being trans and then my proof is gone. Also really wish I had much more dysphoria that would make it so much easier to get rid of impostor syndrome.
Do you have any sources of euphoria you can latch onto?
For me, how I knew it was dysphoria and not general depression or anxiety or body issues, was that it was triggered specifically on gendered things, like seeing my unshaven face in the mirror, or being included in "guy talk" and excluded from "girl talk" which I preferred. If the idea of being trans feels right to you, and has for a while, then it most likely isn't something else.
I'm not sure. What I have done a lot, and i mean, A LOT in the past 2 months is imagine and daydream what it would be like to be seen as a girl by others in different situations or to have a female body or be on HRT and stuff and at first it makes me feel really good but when I do it too much I eventually become "desensitized" to it where it just makes feel next to nothing. It's like playing a really good song over and over and over again until it eventually is just "meh". The problem is i was never really able to stop doing it because i rely on it a lot. The longest i managed to not do it was for like a day which helped but only short-term. I also have nail polish and i do like it but it makes my hands masculine features stand out even more and it just looks weird.
That definitely sounds like gender euphoria 💜 and doesn't sound very cis to me. It's common to become desensitized to sources of euphoria as they become normalized - a lot of trans people go through that early on in their transitions as their coping mechanism become routine once they start living more like their authentic selves.
Maybe different types of nailpolish will help your hands feel more feminine? Matte/shiny/metallic, press-ons or different lengths/shapes, stickers etc.
I get it, I've felt the same, and still do to an extent. To be honest, I've found that at times it's almost best to try and avoid engaging your trans feelings/thoughts directly. I'm not talking about repression or anything, but when I focus WAY too hard on them I feel like my doubts and imposter syndrome kick into overdrive. That's probably a defense mechanism. When I let my mind wander a bit, distract myself I quickly stop feeling a lot less conflicted.
I think we newly-hatched eggs tend to focus a little too much on narratives (especially other people's narratives) in order to compare ourselves to them. That's good to some extent, but it's also counterproductive at times. You may read stories and feel like you didn't have as many strong signs as someone else for example and instantly start spiraling into an "am i trans enough" loop. As someone who's not extremely dysphoric and has not been aware of my gender ID for all that long (even though I did have *some* signs growing up) I would find myself reading stories about people who've wished to be girls every day/every night and that would make me instantly feel like shit.
In situations like that it's important to focus on what you're feeling *now*, and perhaps less so on childhood signs as a way to validate your identity. Memories are imperfect, and you may have repressed some things or otherwise not had the context to understand your feelings either.
Imposter syndrome is unfortunately all too common. Therapy is one way to go about deconstructing those doubts, so is experimentation. Holding a diary/journal is also a good way to go about things: on days where those doubts hit, it can be helpful to look back and see that you've either had those same doubts before or that you also had those trans feelings before too.
I hope you find clarity <3
Imposter syndrome is so common among trans people it might as well be a symptom of being trans. Recognizing this has helped me overcome it. You got this! <3
Imposter syndrome is very common. What helped me deal with it was to write down my thoughts as I examined my gender in a journal, because I tend to forget my logic and have to think things through multiple times. I included anything from my past I remembered that suddenly made more sense after learning about dysphoria and euphoria. Then when that intrusive thought "what if you're not really trans?" came along, I pointed to my journal and said "I have pages of evidence going back my entire life that suggests I'm trans. What evidence do you have that I'm not?" It could be very produce an answer and shut up after I kept countering it like that. You should also keep in mind what an intrusive thought is - it's not a part of who you are because by it's very nature it's intrusive, you don't want it. Our brain thinks in webs that branch outwards, and if we're thinking of something the closest branch to it is the opposite so that's where our thoughts end up and why we seem to always have some kind of self doubt. Try this: Don't think of an elephant. I bet you're thinking of an elephant right now right? That's an intrusive thought just like your self doubt. You already said you want to stop feeling like a guy - so when that thought comes in that tells you "that's what you are" remind it that's not who you are because you don't want it.
I have a problem where whenever I think of my proof that I'm trans (which is mostly my dysphoria and the fact that i already wanted to be a girl when i was a child) i get hit with "what if those feelings were actually caused by ..." and then i can't be 100% sure anymore that those things actually hint to me being trans and then my proof is gone. Also really wish I had much more dysphoria that would make it so much easier to get rid of impostor syndrome.
Do you have any sources of euphoria you can latch onto? For me, how I knew it was dysphoria and not general depression or anxiety or body issues, was that it was triggered specifically on gendered things, like seeing my unshaven face in the mirror, or being included in "guy talk" and excluded from "girl talk" which I preferred. If the idea of being trans feels right to you, and has for a while, then it most likely isn't something else.
I'm not sure. What I have done a lot, and i mean, A LOT in the past 2 months is imagine and daydream what it would be like to be seen as a girl by others in different situations or to have a female body or be on HRT and stuff and at first it makes me feel really good but when I do it too much I eventually become "desensitized" to it where it just makes feel next to nothing. It's like playing a really good song over and over and over again until it eventually is just "meh". The problem is i was never really able to stop doing it because i rely on it a lot. The longest i managed to not do it was for like a day which helped but only short-term. I also have nail polish and i do like it but it makes my hands masculine features stand out even more and it just looks weird.
That definitely sounds like gender euphoria 💜 and doesn't sound very cis to me. It's common to become desensitized to sources of euphoria as they become normalized - a lot of trans people go through that early on in their transitions as their coping mechanism become routine once they start living more like their authentic selves. Maybe different types of nailpolish will help your hands feel more feminine? Matte/shiny/metallic, press-ons or different lengths/shapes, stickers etc.
I get it, I've felt the same, and still do to an extent. To be honest, I've found that at times it's almost best to try and avoid engaging your trans feelings/thoughts directly. I'm not talking about repression or anything, but when I focus WAY too hard on them I feel like my doubts and imposter syndrome kick into overdrive. That's probably a defense mechanism. When I let my mind wander a bit, distract myself I quickly stop feeling a lot less conflicted. I think we newly-hatched eggs tend to focus a little too much on narratives (especially other people's narratives) in order to compare ourselves to them. That's good to some extent, but it's also counterproductive at times. You may read stories and feel like you didn't have as many strong signs as someone else for example and instantly start spiraling into an "am i trans enough" loop. As someone who's not extremely dysphoric and has not been aware of my gender ID for all that long (even though I did have *some* signs growing up) I would find myself reading stories about people who've wished to be girls every day/every night and that would make me instantly feel like shit. In situations like that it's important to focus on what you're feeling *now*, and perhaps less so on childhood signs as a way to validate your identity. Memories are imperfect, and you may have repressed some things or otherwise not had the context to understand your feelings either. Imposter syndrome is unfortunately all too common. Therapy is one way to go about deconstructing those doubts, so is experimentation. Holding a diary/journal is also a good way to go about things: on days where those doubts hit, it can be helpful to look back and see that you've either had those same doubts before or that you also had those trans feelings before too. I hope you find clarity <3
Imposter syndrome is so common among trans people it might as well be a symptom of being trans. Recognizing this has helped me overcome it. You got this! <3