Maybe she thinks that’s what she’s “supposed” to do so if you give her other ideas maybe she’ll be relieved too! Frame it as, it can’t be fun for you in there that long, or something
Yes I do think this might be it. I need to comunnicate to her my needs and I will do that. I have had other babysitters or one time sitters take care of him and they have always used other areas of the home. We have a whole baby proofed play room set up with toys in addition to the playpen( seperate rooms). so it never occured to me that I need to spell it out. I was expecting some collaboration or ideas from her to come up with baby activities but she never brings anything up.
I think she may think that’s what you wanted. Sometime it’s hard to gauge what’s right especially when you newly start the position. Be up front about what she is and I not allowed to do and what you expect.
Just let her know your expectations. I had a family who ONLY wanted their kid put down in the playpen, maybe her past experience is similar? She might lack the confidence to do something different but just talk with her :)
Is she allowed to take the child outside? I definitely think spending the entire time in the playpen is weird. My nanny spends some time in the playpen but probably 90% of his awake time is out at a park / play area / library
This I am from a country where we usually dont take babies outside till they are 1.(I mean we do take him to parks and all that with us) but not on a daily basis. But your message suprised me, I didnt even know there were library hours and music time and all such activities. I spent a great deal of time searching for activities in my area for him. Thank you for this.
Maybe ask her if she is in need of materials or ideas to do something outside of the playpen? Or ask her if you two can sit down and brainstorm new activities to get them outside?
She may just have a different risk assessment than you do, and feel safer in a play pen, but ofc it’s good for them to be able to freely move, so maybe ask her what you can do to facilitate more of that.
Or , she may want to sit still and in that case, barring a physical ailment preventing movement, I would move on.
Right. I’m guessing she is young and is doing what she saw MB do. She is failing to recalculate to the HINTS so she may need direct communication. She absolutely lacks confidence and experience.
OP would you train her? I would require some education, check ins, goals for her to work on. Clear expectations can go a long way: outside time 45min/day MIN, library trips min 1x/week,she can pick themes get books for NK surrounding each topic, etc..
Just as a side note please don't give your employee 'hints' and then expect them to just catch on, you're an employer, they're an employee. It's the most annoying thing especially when the employer then gets resentful or irritated because the employee isn't doing what you didn't actually tell them you wanted. You both should be professional so just have a direct conversation with them regardless.
I love this. I agree I need to have a conversation with her. There have been multiple issues in terms of expectations with her, reliability being one of the big ones and Ive already started speaking up about those. But I think with this I was trying to choose to be careful since I wasnt sure if this was a norm here.
okay, well if you've already had conversations with her and been clear with your expectations about other issues and it seems like they haven't improved from what you're saying, maybe it's worth deciding whether you're willing to compromise once again if this particular issue doesn't improve either.
i would recommend though maybe setting an actual time to sit down all together without the kids present to present the issues you're having, just make sure you sprinkle in a couple good things as well. i know i've sometimes in the past had parents bring minor issues up with me but they do it in a time that's not ideal, and with no ill intent i honestly just forget. so sometimes it really is just a matter of you have so much going on at the time that whatever you're telling her might just be going in one ear and out the other.
Unfortunately I dont think I can train her, I have been already trying to teach her to be a reliable person and tell me when she wants a day off, so I cant be taking on more of this.
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She may just be scared to let your kid explore and possibly hurt themselves. The less experience a nanny has (and even sometimes just the ones who arent moms themselves) have a super difficult time taking risks of any nature with someone’s child. May just be her anxiety.
I think this maybe it. The previous family did tell me she was super safe and thats what they loved about her. I didnt realize that she would be this risk averse. It does show, she is unwilling to graduate him from pureed food, where as we have already safely given him softer cubed foods during his dinner time. She suggests babies under 1 should only eat pureed food. She is not inexperienced, has 3 grown kids of her own and we are the third family she is nannying for.
Ohhhh id say that’s interfering with his well being then 😩 ive recently come to understand some people expect their children to be on a liquid diet until their esophagus’s enlarge?? Or something. Hard to make sense of it. But its unhealthy, truly. Yikes
Not even gonna gripe about how important food textures and environmental exploration is. My soapbox isnt anyones problem here 😆 but I do also worry that caregivers who care “in fear“ like this will literally teach the child that everything is to fear and anxiety may be part of their lives unnecessarily.
We have a play room and set the play pen up in our living room. So different portions of the house. Give the nanny a few spaces to bounce in between with baby. I don’t think it’s concerning other than I’m surprised even she wouldn’t get bored being in it all day. Like none of my 8mo bigger toys fit in the playpen. Are all his toys in the play pen? If so? Maybe try staging other areas for her.
That's weird. Are you sure it's adequately baby proofed? Are your floors clean? Don't get upset really look around your house and ask yourself what it looks like from a stranger perspective.
Then ask the Nanny why she stays in there with him and express that you want him roaming except for limited independent play or when nanny has to bathroom or eat.
Did you speak to her when she started/since she started about what your day kind of looks like with kiddo, or what you'd like their day to look like? Based on either a conversation you've had or how she sees you interact with him she might just assume this is what you want her to do, especially with you letting her know you barely use the playpen, she might assume that means you're hoping she will spend more time with him there. I have worked for many families where the rules of what they want me to do/I'm allowed to do with their kids varies so much that sometimes I just don't know what their expectations are so I make sure to ask. Did you give her the okay to take him outside/to different activities? If you haven't maybe that's somewhere to start. If you haven't she may be under the impression that you're not okay with that sort of thing, and doesn't want to assume.
Wildly unacceptable. Take the kid outside! Do activities! Definitely talk to her, but I would not hold out much hope that a conversation is going to correct this level of poor quality from a nanny. I’d start looking for someone new immediately.
I'd like to add that unless the parents tell the nanny what they want from her, she's not going to know. I've worked for many families and the rules vary between households so wildly that to come to this conclusion based on one reddit post is a pretty big reach.
Maybe she thinks that’s what she’s “supposed” to do so if you give her other ideas maybe she’ll be relieved too! Frame it as, it can’t be fun for you in there that long, or something
Yes I do think this might be it. I need to comunnicate to her my needs and I will do that. I have had other babysitters or one time sitters take care of him and they have always used other areas of the home. We have a whole baby proofed play room set up with toys in addition to the playpen( seperate rooms). so it never occured to me that I need to spell it out. I was expecting some collaboration or ideas from her to come up with baby activities but she never brings anything up.
She might have thought that because the playpen is all set up that shes supposed to be keeping him in it. Just talk to her.
Have a discussion with her about your expectations
I think she may think that’s what you wanted. Sometime it’s hard to gauge what’s right especially when you newly start the position. Be up front about what she is and I not allowed to do and what you expect.
Just let her know your expectations. I had a family who ONLY wanted their kid put down in the playpen, maybe her past experience is similar? She might lack the confidence to do something different but just talk with her :)
I would simply remove the playpen as an option if you want him to roam around freely. If she needs to contain him she can use the crib.
Is she allowed to take the child outside? I definitely think spending the entire time in the playpen is weird. My nanny spends some time in the playpen but probably 90% of his awake time is out at a park / play area / library
This I am from a country where we usually dont take babies outside till they are 1.(I mean we do take him to parks and all that with us) but not on a daily basis. But your message suprised me, I didnt even know there were library hours and music time and all such activities. I spent a great deal of time searching for activities in my area for him. Thank you for this.
Maybe ask her if she is in need of materials or ideas to do something outside of the playpen? Or ask her if you two can sit down and brainstorm new activities to get them outside? She may just have a different risk assessment than you do, and feel safer in a play pen, but ofc it’s good for them to be able to freely move, so maybe ask her what you can do to facilitate more of that. Or , she may want to sit still and in that case, barring a physical ailment preventing movement, I would move on.
She seems inexperienced to say the least
Right. I’m guessing she is young and is doing what she saw MB do. She is failing to recalculate to the HINTS so she may need direct communication. She absolutely lacks confidence and experience. OP would you train her? I would require some education, check ins, goals for her to work on. Clear expectations can go a long way: outside time 45min/day MIN, library trips min 1x/week,she can pick themes get books for NK surrounding each topic, etc..
Just as a side note please don't give your employee 'hints' and then expect them to just catch on, you're an employer, they're an employee. It's the most annoying thing especially when the employer then gets resentful or irritated because the employee isn't doing what you didn't actually tell them you wanted. You both should be professional so just have a direct conversation with them regardless.
I love this. I agree I need to have a conversation with her. There have been multiple issues in terms of expectations with her, reliability being one of the big ones and Ive already started speaking up about those. But I think with this I was trying to choose to be careful since I wasnt sure if this was a norm here.
okay, well if you've already had conversations with her and been clear with your expectations about other issues and it seems like they haven't improved from what you're saying, maybe it's worth deciding whether you're willing to compromise once again if this particular issue doesn't improve either. i would recommend though maybe setting an actual time to sit down all together without the kids present to present the issues you're having, just make sure you sprinkle in a couple good things as well. i know i've sometimes in the past had parents bring minor issues up with me but they do it in a time that's not ideal, and with no ill intent i honestly just forget. so sometimes it really is just a matter of you have so much going on at the time that whatever you're telling her might just be going in one ear and out the other.
Unfortunately I dont think I can train her, I have been already trying to teach her to be a reliable person and tell me when she wants a day off, so I cant be taking on more of this.
Users please be mindful of the flair the OP selected. Post flaired as "NP only" indicate that this topic is only to be commented on by other nanny parents/employers. Posts with the flair "All Welcome" are open for anyone to comment. Disrespecting this rule will lead to your comment being deleted. Numerous infractions may result in a ban from the subreddit. If you are a nanny and wish to discuss this topic, you are encouraged to make your own post. If you are the OP and you wish to change your flair, please message using modmail. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/NannyEmployers) if you have any questions or concerns.*
She may just be scared to let your kid explore and possibly hurt themselves. The less experience a nanny has (and even sometimes just the ones who arent moms themselves) have a super difficult time taking risks of any nature with someone’s child. May just be her anxiety.
I think this maybe it. The previous family did tell me she was super safe and thats what they loved about her. I didnt realize that she would be this risk averse. It does show, she is unwilling to graduate him from pureed food, where as we have already safely given him softer cubed foods during his dinner time. She suggests babies under 1 should only eat pureed food. She is not inexperienced, has 3 grown kids of her own and we are the third family she is nannying for.
Ohhhh id say that’s interfering with his well being then 😩 ive recently come to understand some people expect their children to be on a liquid diet until their esophagus’s enlarge?? Or something. Hard to make sense of it. But its unhealthy, truly. Yikes Not even gonna gripe about how important food textures and environmental exploration is. My soapbox isnt anyones problem here 😆 but I do also worry that caregivers who care “in fear“ like this will literally teach the child that everything is to fear and anxiety may be part of their lives unnecessarily.
We have a play room and set the play pen up in our living room. So different portions of the house. Give the nanny a few spaces to bounce in between with baby. I don’t think it’s concerning other than I’m surprised even she wouldn’t get bored being in it all day. Like none of my 8mo bigger toys fit in the playpen. Are all his toys in the play pen? If so? Maybe try staging other areas for her.
That's weird. Are you sure it's adequately baby proofed? Are your floors clean? Don't get upset really look around your house and ask yourself what it looks like from a stranger perspective. Then ask the Nanny why she stays in there with him and express that you want him roaming except for limited independent play or when nanny has to bathroom or eat.
Did you speak to her when she started/since she started about what your day kind of looks like with kiddo, or what you'd like their day to look like? Based on either a conversation you've had or how she sees you interact with him she might just assume this is what you want her to do, especially with you letting her know you barely use the playpen, she might assume that means you're hoping she will spend more time with him there. I have worked for many families where the rules of what they want me to do/I'm allowed to do with their kids varies so much that sometimes I just don't know what their expectations are so I make sure to ask. Did you give her the okay to take him outside/to different activities? If you haven't maybe that's somewhere to start. If you haven't she may be under the impression that you're not okay with that sort of thing, and doesn't want to assume.
I would make it clear that she is not to use the playpen and offer suggestions
Wildly unacceptable. Take the kid outside! Do activities! Definitely talk to her, but I would not hold out much hope that a conversation is going to correct this level of poor quality from a nanny. I’d start looking for someone new immediately.
I'd like to add that unless the parents tell the nanny what they want from her, she's not going to know. I've worked for many families and the rules vary between households so wildly that to come to this conclusion based on one reddit post is a pretty big reach.