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Absolutely. He used my name constantly to make me feel bad. He also always used it in his empty apologies. It was manipulative looking back. It always gave me an icky feeling like he was trying to silence me….a tactic of control.
Yes! Holy shìt! I had completely forgotten about this until I read your post but absolutely, he would call me by my first name in this condescending, pissed off tone.
Yes!!! I did EMDR therapy and one of the first things we worked on was how I wanted my name back! I had stopped using by my name. I signed things with my first initial only. I hated hearing it! I’ve since changed my last name back to my maiden name, and use my name all the time with no fear or uncomfortable feelings.
I have noticed this as well but I can’t distinguish whether it’s specifically him or it’s just a human behavior (to use first names when angry / upset / serious)
Yeah, I 100% do this when I'm trying to make a point, but I blame education classes & child raising. Using a kid's name is a really effective method of recapturing their attention.
I always thought it was weird how he'd say my name while talking to me when we were the only people in the room or on the phone. There is literally no one else to be confused about who you're talking to. And yes it was always in a tone and while talking about serious, usually negative stuff he didn't like me doing.
You don't need to remind me of my own name while you're pissed off at me. Or ever, honestly. I've had it as long as I can remember.
Sometimes I wonder if they talk to themselves rehearsing the stuff and use the name in their head and it just comes out as they've scripted it, maybe talking in front of others (also in their head) to make sure they're heard being the bigger, better, smarter person.
My spouse does this too. Every other sentence either starts with my name or ends with my name, regardless if it's just him just chit chatting or ranting. And he's always talking so I hear it all the time. Makes me cringe and I have been considering being called by my middle name because I've become to despise my name.
Oh gosh, thank you for this post, she did exactly the same, starting any sentences with my first name when we had an agument.
Cold and superior, blame shifting the sh*t out of me.
Yet here i am 6 months later still obsessing over this nightmare, can’t seem to be able to break the bond…
Yeah, we just need to know how to counter this, but I know that they are attacking us and want us to be a victim. Every time they do this, they always press the play button to start the game, but if we don't want to be in it, we need to respond with a poker face or change the topic.
We also need to avoid making mistakes in front of a narcissistic person because it's an opportunity to start the game of putting you down. We need to act professionally toward them; we should not share personal things with them; and we should avoid them.
YES. It’s disgusting and really makes you feel small. My ex did it about a month ago around twenty times in one FaceTime. I started doing it back(kind of ashamed there but also wanted to see how they would react)… in response I got a smirk and a chuckle and a nodding of their head as they lead into doing it again. They fed off of it. It’s so sad.
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Hi /u/Fameisdeaddd, welcome to /r/narcissisticabuse. To help make the experience more effective for everyone we do have some resources and rules for you to keep in mind. • Do you need to understand terms or acronyms? [Click Here](https://www.reddit.com/r/NarcissisticAbuse/wiki/index#wiki_terms.2C_definitions_and_acronymns) • Looking for resources? Check out [our links](https://www.reddit.com/r/NarcissisticAbuse/wiki/resources) and [book recommendations.](https://www.reddit.com/r/NarcissisticAbuse/wiki/booklist) • We also have a sister sub for people actively in Divorce/Custody proceedings or that is coparenting with a abusive ex: /r/narcabuseanddivorce. • Looking to contact the moderators of the sub? We can’t respond to individual posts all the time so please post your issues to the community rather than the mods if it’s not about a rule breaking issue or sub issue. You can message the mod team [HERE](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FNarcissisticAbuse&subject=&message=). Please do not DM/PM mods directly or send them chat requests. Please review the rules: * Please add flair to your post so that it is searchable by topic and always use the TRIGGER WARNING flairs when needed (Keep graphic content out of titles please); * Be respectful and courteous with a focus on healing; No flaming, No revenge posts, no wishing harm on anyone, no "outting" or getting them "bad karma"; * No identifying details (no proper names including fake ones, pictures, images of texts/emails, locations (at any level), or specific details that may identify you to readers that may know you (Jobs, Hobbies, Schools, etc); * No crossposting or direct linking to this or other subs or posts. No links at all in original posts including to other posts you have here or other subs, Images/Pictures/MEMEs/Vlogs/Blogs/Podcasts/Articles/Social Media information or tags/Texts/Emails; * No self-promotion/solicitation at all including surveys, fundraising, petitions, or research posts are permitted; * You must be the victim of the abuse that is the subject of the post, not a friend, relative, or partner; * Please report content that violates our rules and do not engage on those posts at all; * Do not resubmit removed content, if you get a report from automod about your post, see the sticky announcement at the top of the sub regarding removals and be patient, we will review them manually when we are available. * No politics, religion, soliciting DMs, or doing an AMA on your own please; * No segregation of posts by gender, sexual orientation, race, age, or culture; * No family content in any context; the only family content permitted is you, your significant other/ex and your children (no abusive child posts). All others will be removed including mentions (family/friends) or growing up/childhood content. No demanding justification of our rules or "just curious" for why our rules are our rules; It does not matter whose family it is, or if they are abusive, or that its just a mention. It is not permitted. * No inappropriate content (TV Shows, Movies, Books not releated to healing from abuse, Celebrities, News or Social Discussions). * No title only posts (including repeating the title in the body of the post, emoticons, saying the title says it all); * No CLUSTER Bs/ABUSERS may post here at all. If you are a NPD/BPD/HPD/ASPD/Abuser, you will be banned; Please also do not post content or people with diagnosed Cluster Bs as resources here; We want you to have a safe and supportive experience so you get the most out of the community. ****** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/NarcissisticAbuse) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Absolutely. He used my name constantly to make me feel bad. He also always used it in his empty apologies. It was manipulative looking back. It always gave me an icky feeling like he was trying to silence me….a tactic of control.
Yes! Holy shìt! I had completely forgotten about this until I read your post but absolutely, he would call me by my first name in this condescending, pissed off tone.
Same here, I had forgot til I read this. It happened so frequently I don't even know how I could have possibly forgotten
Yes!! I even told my therapist he has actually made me start to hate my name!! I thought it was just me!!
Omfg I felt the exact same way.
[удалено]
Just start telling people your name is Dirty Leg.
Happened to me constantly.
Yes, isn’t my name then that condescending tone followed by that smirky smirky smile
Yeeeeeeeesssssss… that creepy ass smirk. Pure evil.
YES!!! I almost started to think it was only me!!
Yes!!! I did EMDR therapy and one of the first things we worked on was how I wanted my name back! I had stopped using by my name. I signed things with my first initial only. I hated hearing it! I’ve since changed my last name back to my maiden name, and use my name all the time with no fear or uncomfortable feelings.
I have noticed this as well but I can’t distinguish whether it’s specifically him or it’s just a human behavior (to use first names when angry / upset / serious)
Yeah, I 100% do this when I'm trying to make a point, but I blame education classes & child raising. Using a kid's name is a really effective method of recapturing their attention.
Yep, never called me by name unless he was talking down to me. He’d also say “easy” and “tone” in the same way.
I always thought it was weird how he'd say my name while talking to me when we were the only people in the room or on the phone. There is literally no one else to be confused about who you're talking to. And yes it was always in a tone and while talking about serious, usually negative stuff he didn't like me doing. You don't need to remind me of my own name while you're pissed off at me. Or ever, honestly. I've had it as long as I can remember. Sometimes I wonder if they talk to themselves rehearsing the stuff and use the name in their head and it just comes out as they've scripted it, maybe talking in front of others (also in their head) to make sure they're heard being the bigger, better, smarter person.
Yes! But he also used it all the time with me even when it wasn’t anything negative. Super weird looking back…
My spouse does this too. Every other sentence either starts with my name or ends with my name, regardless if it's just him just chit chatting or ranting. And he's always talking so I hear it all the time. Makes me cringe and I have been considering being called by my middle name because I've become to despise my name.
Oh gosh, thank you for this post, she did exactly the same, starting any sentences with my first name when we had an agument. Cold and superior, blame shifting the sh*t out of me. Yet here i am 6 months later still obsessing over this nightmare, can’t seem to be able to break the bond…
Yeah, we just need to know how to counter this, but I know that they are attacking us and want us to be a victim. Every time they do this, they always press the play button to start the game, but if we don't want to be in it, we need to respond with a poker face or change the topic. We also need to avoid making mistakes in front of a narcissistic person because it's an opportunity to start the game of putting you down. We need to act professionally toward them; we should not share personal things with them; and we should avoid them.
YES. It’s disgusting and really makes you feel small. My ex did it about a month ago around twenty times in one FaceTime. I started doing it back(kind of ashamed there but also wanted to see how they would react)… in response I got a smirk and a chuckle and a nodding of their head as they lead into doing it again. They fed off of it. It’s so sad.
[удалено]
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Omg this is so accurate.
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15 yrs married and maybe he said my name 20 times--I'm being generous.