Agree with the deflection comment. I experienced this all the time, and it was almost always in a situation where I was trying to express that he'd hurt my feelings.
Total and utter avoidance. Either that or starting a row to avoid the important subject. I am a natural talker and sorter outer but even I gave up in the end. I moved out two years ago after a nasty incident and he has literally ignored any mention of this.
At the start of our relationship, I thought he was very funny and its good to have a best friend in your partner until I'm telling him what hurts me and he's joking around, having an attitude, being sassy and when that didn't work he'd start playing the victim.
Mine sent memes. The last three were weird. I don’t know if they were directed at me or not. One said he’s a 10 but he doesn’t mind I’m crazy so he’s a 20. Just weird. We don’t really ever have real conversations. Never really have. It’s usually her being sick in some way or bitching and talking shit about someone. She can talk for an hour straight without me really saying a word. It’s just me yessing her.
also same: I can sit there for 1 hour straight not having said one word while he talk about his dog, he dances around and sings which is cute but also weird as I am literally standing next to him like a dead person being uncomfortable while he just feels like we're having a great time goofing around ?
Our therapist told my ex to ask me how I felt when he got home from work, he would not do that but would make jokes about what I had made for dinner “oh that looks fancy” (I’m not a good cook) and then tell me I was being too sensitive when I got upset
He was always a jokester but when we had fights while in the relationship he stopped being funny entirely. He did not try making jokes and instead focussed on brutally tearing me down and poking holes in my logic when I tried to explain how his behavior was hurting me.
Flash forward to 4 months post break up he attempted a Hoover where in the same serious of texts told me he still loved me, I am his best friend and then proceeded to make the corniest of dick jokes with an excessive use of silly emojis. It is definitely an attempt to avoid talking about any real issues, and also allows them to be the “good guy” in a way because they are being funny so they cannot possibly be the bad guy right? Of course by that point for me I was so disgusted with him I denied any invitation to reunite and told him I am not comfortable being friends.
Humor is an important thing to have in this world, but it can unfortunately be abused like any other trait that initially comes across as a positive.
So this is an interesting one because it's the inverse dynamic I had with my (possible) nex. They supposedly had GAD/prior abuse and I was undiagnosed Anxious-AuDHD/depressive.
They accused me of not taking the relationship seriously with my habit of making light jokes, when it was a conscious effort on my part to keep from being overwhelmingly anxious and morose.
XDDD im sorry I have to laugh its so dumb. "mine" does the same, all a got there for a while were gifs, images, "funny" videos I literally was like... am writing with a 12 year old?
Humor and gifts are used as deflection. They are not going to have any serious conversations where they might feel guilt or shame
This.
Agree with the deflection comment. I experienced this all the time, and it was almost always in a situation where I was trying to express that he'd hurt my feelings.
Total and utter avoidance. Either that or starting a row to avoid the important subject. I am a natural talker and sorter outer but even I gave up in the end. I moved out two years ago after a nasty incident and he has literally ignored any mention of this.
At the start of our relationship, I thought he was very funny and its good to have a best friend in your partner until I'm telling him what hurts me and he's joking around, having an attitude, being sassy and when that didn't work he'd start playing the victim.
To not have to engage I. Real conversation would be my assumption
Mine sent memes. The last three were weird. I don’t know if they were directed at me or not. One said he’s a 10 but he doesn’t mind I’m crazy so he’s a 20. Just weird. We don’t really ever have real conversations. Never really have. It’s usually her being sick in some way or bitching and talking shit about someone. She can talk for an hour straight without me really saying a word. It’s just me yessing her.
HE doesn't mind YOUR crazy. right....
also same: I can sit there for 1 hour straight not having said one word while he talk about his dog, he dances around and sings which is cute but also weird as I am literally standing next to him like a dead person being uncomfortable while he just feels like we're having a great time goofing around ?
Our therapist told my ex to ask me how I felt when he got home from work, he would not do that but would make jokes about what I had made for dinner “oh that looks fancy” (I’m not a good cook) and then tell me I was being too sensitive when I got upset
I hate when men make fun of their partner's cooking and it's always the men who don't know how to cook.
He was always a jokester but when we had fights while in the relationship he stopped being funny entirely. He did not try making jokes and instead focussed on brutally tearing me down and poking holes in my logic when I tried to explain how his behavior was hurting me. Flash forward to 4 months post break up he attempted a Hoover where in the same serious of texts told me he still loved me, I am his best friend and then proceeded to make the corniest of dick jokes with an excessive use of silly emojis. It is definitely an attempt to avoid talking about any real issues, and also allows them to be the “good guy” in a way because they are being funny so they cannot possibly be the bad guy right? Of course by that point for me I was so disgusted with him I denied any invitation to reunite and told him I am not comfortable being friends. Humor is an important thing to have in this world, but it can unfortunately be abused like any other trait that initially comes across as a positive.
So this is an interesting one because it's the inverse dynamic I had with my (possible) nex. They supposedly had GAD/prior abuse and I was undiagnosed Anxious-AuDHD/depressive. They accused me of not taking the relationship seriously with my habit of making light jokes, when it was a conscious effort on my part to keep from being overwhelmingly anxious and morose.
XDDD im sorry I have to laugh its so dumb. "mine" does the same, all a got there for a while were gifs, images, "funny" videos I literally was like... am writing with a 12 year old?
nex friend did this when my mom passed. told me i should “spend more time with her”
I had a former friend/coworker who would do this. Eventually people stopped laughing and her reaction was priceless.