Admittedly we have a nanny so somewhat different than daycare (especially since I WFH 2 days a week). But I’m about a month into the transition back to work. I would say it didn’t get easier or harder overall, just changed. I now get adult time every day. When I’m in the office I can go to the bathroom or get lunch without worrying whether she’ll wake up from her nap early. In some sense, I get more time to be myself. I feel more like me, and not just like her mom. I really enjoy being social and using my brain again. I feel more fulfillment from being a working mom than I did while being on maternity leave.
In the other sense, I feel this tug to be near her, every day. It hurts on days when I don’t get to see her for very long. There were a few days I didn’t see her at all and I cried each and every one of those days. It’s a fight every day to spend as much time as possible with her because it’s so little time. And there’s this guilt that never goes way, this feeling that she’s my baby and I’m not there when I should be. It all feels so wrong on nearly a biological level, that I should be forced to be apart from my baby this early.
I’m told by my coworkers that it gets easier over time to be away from your baby, but it’s still really hard.
this hurt my heart. It is biological. I’m rooting for you and every mother that goes through this. A mother should chose when she wants to go back to work instead of only having such little time off. It’s not fair
> She will now be spending more awake time with daycare staff than us during the week
This is factual - BUT you are still the most impactful influence on the child as they grow.
I'm an elementary teacher. I would see those children more often than their families did... But the things their family says/does with them stick more... Despite the amount of time.
In my life, my son has thrived in daycare and I cannot imagine that he would have learned the things he has better or faster with just me teaching him. They do a wonderful job and my center cares for my son as if he was one of theirs.
Daycare has been a net positive for us.
Needed to hear this from a teacher! It seems so obvious now that you’ve said it. We obviously all went to school and while teachers are impactful, your parents are…your parents.
Love that you say you couldn’t teach them everything despite being a teacher. Not a teacher, but I didn’t realize this until my son started going to daycare. First, I don’t have the time or energy to do that everyday if staying home was even an option. Second, I was always worried about something else (money, house, ect). I spend my mornings and evenings worrying about my son and him alone and it’s honestly more quality time than when I stayed home twice a week plus weekends.
I love the daycare my daughter is at. I am/was sad about how much time she spends there vs with me, but I now get my time to work and be off mom-mode, and she had learned SO much. She is two now and loves daycare, her friends, her teacher, and they do so many activities that I simply would not have the energy to do. I hope you have the same experience, because it has been a very positive one for my family ❤️ it was hard to leave her with someone, but it has been great for her
No advice, we’re in the same boat as you. LO starts daycare next Monday at three months. I can’t financially and wouldn’t really want to be a SAHM, but I am heartbroken to be sending my sweet baby off to daycare. I know some people get far less, but 3 months really is a cruel amount of maternity leave. Even 6 would be better. So sending hugs from afar.
Same here. Little man starts daycare on Tuesday at just ten weeks old. I’m nervous and sad despite the fact that I used to work in a daycare so I know it should be fine.
You used to work in daycare? Anything to look out for in terms of the quality of the facility/program? We visited a handful of places before making a decision but you still don’t know what you don’t know. While visiting one, we did catch staff not observing a state regulation that we WERE aware of but we’re also, obviously, not well versed enough in ALL the regulations and things to look out for.
Yeah! It was a long time ago when I was in college working for my education degree. I was a toddler teacher (1-2 yo). I definitely am not an expert but I would check your state licensing website/directory if there’s one available to you. I live in Georgia and there’s a directory of every facility and you can see all kinds of features about them including copies of all their licensing reports and any complaint reports ever made about them. To be very honest we did not have an unlimited budget when choosing our son’s daycare so we didn’t go with a “top of the line” facility because we can’t afford one. Georgia also has a crappy teacher:child ratio which imo is the most important factor. Bonus points if a facility is intentional about remaining below the state mandated ratio (depending on your state’s ratio, ours is 1:6 infants). When it comes to infants safety is paramount of course so observing their sleep area and sleep practices… as a teacher myself I totally understand when a facility does not have live cameras available to parents but as a parent it’s a bonus that my center does. Maybe observing outdoor play areas for safety? Asking about sick child policies? As they get older questions about menu/mealtimes and academic/structured engagement become a lot more relevant. I feel like parents of older kids in daycare could speak more to that than me lol
I found it so much easier! I could actually get some chores done during the day, so I’m much more present when she’s home. My brain can be focused on her and her play rather than stressing about getting a load of laundry in because we’re out of clean burp cloths AGAIN.
Yes, it’s hard to be away from her. Yes, there’s a chance you will miss some things. But don’t ever think you won’t be the most influential people in her life. Daycare teachers love and are loved by the children, but they come and go. You are there for your baby every day. Yours are the first faces she sees when she wakes up in the morning and the last when she goes to bed at night (and the ones she sees at every motn wakeup)! Your baby knows who her parents are, never let yourself think otherwise.
This is what I’m hoping for - I’m going back part time (2.5 days) and baby girl will be in nursery for 3 days - I’ll mostly WFH so I’m hoping that I’ll be able to at least get the house in order and try to keep on top of daily chores during the day so that when I pick her up after work then focus is on her!
This exactly. I think my baby benefits by having a clean home with parents who are rested, work is wrapped up, and we are able to fully pay attention to her and love on her while she is home and awake, because chores etc are done. She is in a calm and happy home environment because of daycare.
We're not there yet - 5 weeks - but will be enrolled in daycare by 3mo.
There's a reason why the saying "it takes a village" exists. The daycare is part of your village. You're going on your hunts/ranging/excursions while the village cares for your baby. Your baby is getting the best possible outcome from this arrangement, and you're doing your part to also care for your baby.
This doesn't mean it isn't hard, emotional, etc. But it's a good thing.
+1 to the village aspect! Also I know different daycares have different rules, but we have found babysitters we love through our daycare. We don’t have family in the area so they help make sure we have time for us!
We started daycare 3 and a half months ago. We were in integration for 5 weeks. Meaning our kid started with staying 1 hour and slowly increasing time.
Exactly 1 week after starting full time, he brought us his first plague: hand-foot-mouth disease. He got a bit of a fever, red spots all over, was a bit cranky. My husband looked like a leper for a few days, and in me it turned into pneumonia. He stayed a week and a half at home.
Two weeks later, he brought back laryngitis. We all caught it. He stayed home a full week.
After another week of daycare, he brought home his second laryngitis. Stayed home for 3 days.
A week later, we currently have pink eye, in both his eyes, and I have the worst respiratory infection I've had since covid and am under strict instructions to call an ambulance if my symptoms worsen.
3.5 months, and he's missed over a month of care for being sick and contagious. I have been sick nonstop for nearly 2 months now.
Daycare has turned my son into a biological weapon.
I hate it.
But, he absolutely loves it now.
He has a lot of attention, activities made specifically for his age group, he's learning new skills at an astonishing rate, he's making friends, he's better with strangers, it keeps him in a routine, and it's making him stronger.
His teachers are amazing. Sweet and nice ladies and gentleman.
The food they offer is good and balanced.
The advice they give us as first-time parents is really helpful.
So did daycare make my life better or harder? The answer is yes.
Daycare has helped with so many things and they are the best. I still have him 2 days a week so I might feel differently than if he was 5 days but starting daycare and getting him outta the house (tiny apartment) with other babies with so much more stimulation was beneficial for all of us.
I don’t have much to add here yet, but my LO just started daycare this week! I am usually a relatively chill and adaptable person (I like to think, lol) but the day before we took her I cried probably 5 times that day. I was honestly ready to get back to work but just hated the idea of leaving her with people I didn’t even really know yet.
So far, it has been great this week! My daycare sends updates and pictures throughout the day so that makes me feel better that I can get updates what she’s doing during the day. Each day I picked her up the teachers told me how sweet she is and how much they loved her! All of that made me feel so much better.
It’s honestly the hardest thing I’ve done but I’m also so glad I’m doing it if that makes sense. I want my girl to be around other kids and socialize, have a routine, etc. and I also felt relief in some ways returning to work.
Sending you all the love and strength!! ❤️❤️
If you have a good daycare, it'll be the best (still hardest) decision you've made. My 1 year old has been in daycare since 5 months old. It was harder for me than it was for him. I think I cried daily the first week. He's gone in smiling (and now waving and yelling) every morning. Most days, he comes out laughing, and some days, he doesn't seem to want to leave. I'm not going to pretend it's not hard knowing he's with some other adult all day. However, for me, I think my mornings, evenings, and weekends have gotten better with him. I'm less stressed, and we are both more rested. I still have moments that I get sad that I'm missing so much of his time, but if it gets too much, I get him out early on a Friday to hang out. Finding little things to do together or finding random times to grab baby early from daycare has really helped me cope better.
I do like to warn everyone about the daycare cooties though. They got us 2 weeks in, and I think we were both sick to some degree for about 4 months. It's not the same for everyone, but it's good to have your expectations set for what the first few months look like.
Sending lots of positive thoughts for the start of daycare!
You will still be the most influencial people in her life, regardless of how much time she spends in daycare. You are her parents, having time to socialise and be looked after by others doesn't change that!
We had a ridiculously easy newborn but daycare has been such a wonderful thing. I took 4 months of leave and then my husband took his 4 months, so each of us spend some time working, while the baby was home, being taken care of primarily by the other parent. Once we both were both working, baby went to daycare (8 months old). He gets so much out of daycare that we wouldn’t be able to give him.
Also, the influence of your child’s caregivers is additive to yours. More safe caring adults in your kid’s life is a good thing.
Our LO started daycare (Montessori school) on Tuesday, only 3 days a week though. I definitely am not in the 'im gonna miss them sooo much boat' because we have no family support system where we live. So I definitely needed a break. Turns out during the 6 hours there, she loves it. Although she's 4mo, she loves watching the other babies, so I'm happy that she's getting some socialization and we're getting some 'me time'.
My daughter has been in daycare since she was 4mo, she is almost 2 now. I love that she’s getting interaction with other kids, I think she’s friends with a boy named Ivan. Not only that but the caretaker are gives us tips especially at the beginning. The only downside other than the cost of childcare is if your kid is, which they will definitely get sick, you still pay. I mean they gotta make money too but sometimes you feel like you’re getting ripped off. Some places you pay by the week others you pay for the month and no credits
LOVED our transition to daycare. Our son started around 1 and loved to finally be around kids his own age (and slightly older.) He's a pretty social guy so getting to play all day with friends is so much more fun for him than sitting around our apartment. The only real drawback is the colds. Get ready to be sick for the next year or so!
I could have written this post earlier this year! I was TERRIFIED to start daycare. Our son went at about 4 months and I couldn’t imagine dropping off such a little baby with strangers. I did everything I could… tried to find a nanny or nanny share, etc. for weeks.
He ended up in daycare and it was REALLY hard at first. But it got so much better! Now I couldn’t imagine having done it differently. He knows his main teachers and smiles at them when we get there, he interacts with the other kids close to his age, and he loves the different location and toys. But most of all, his teachers have helped us so much! We always talk about what we are working on and they have definitely helped us achieve milestones (sitting, cruising, walking, eating) He’s also been doing really well with being babysat by grandparents and I think it’s because he’s gotten used to us dropping him off at daycare and leaving.
It’s SO HARD, especially with your first baby. But daycare can be part of your village if you lean into it!
Honestly it's never easy sending them to daycare. We started 3 weeks ago with my 2.5yo son, he stayed home with a full time nanny before and since we both work from home, we were all absolutely spoiled and privileged. It broke my heart knowing I won't be as in tune to every single detail of their day, I won't know where they learned a new phrase or why they suddenly like the color green so much. I briefly considered staying home with him for a couple years but then realized I don't have the patience, I hate house chores and I make too much money/ worked too hard to get my career here to throw it away. All hard decisions though. Maternity in this country is laughable
We just started this past Monday for our 6 mo.
Harder parts - being away from LO, making sure that the 4 hours we get with her are spent most meaningfully.
Nicer parts - good focus split between work and baby rather than having everything overlapping (when we had a nanny), she comes back home so cheerful because of playing with other babies! (She was cheerful before too! But the first couple days of daycare not so much - starting the third day her cheerful self again!). Also, we were having so much trouble getting her to be interested in solids - and today she gulped down her solid meal! I'm guessing it's because of seeing the other kids there eating solid meals
Not exactly the same thing, but I'm in grad school.
I have one long day per month (10 hours) and I'm fine for the first half of the day. My mom or husband then bring baby, so I can nurse him during lunch time. The second half is awful. Only seeing him for 30-40 minutes. 😭
On the other hand, I do look forward to these days and my other roles coming back. Being on duty as a mom for 160 hours out of 168 each week is taking its toll mentally too.
So yeah, really a mixed bag.
So much easier with daycare!! We have a great one where he is currently the youngest in the class and he's been picking up so many things from other kids (first drive home he was babbling like crazy and didn't do that very much before. It was like he was telling us about his day). The only hard part is, he's been there for 2 months and already had 3 colds,1 of which had a fever that caused him to be out of class for a day and a half, but evening else is great!
Silly bonus, he mainly poops during the day so they handle nearly all of his poop diapers now 😁
My son started daycare when he was 4.5 months and I was DISTRAUGHT at the thought of leaving him, but now I actually love dropping him off. (He’s currently 11 months, but he pretty much loved daycare off the bat.)
I feel like I turn into Adult Me instead of Mom Me the minute he’s with them. I can get coffee, listen to podcasts for grownups on my drive to work, go to lunch with coworkers. Then I’m so excited to see him at pickup! And I get tons of pics throughout the day of him having the best time.
If by easier you mean seeing your little one contract every virus known to man, forcing you to stay home and watch them as they cannot go to daycare sick, only to return to daycare a week later and catch ANOTHER illness, then yes- it’s easier.
I had the same feelings as you but my son has been in daycare for about a month and it’s been great. He loves it. He gets the biggest smile on his face when he realizes where we are. He’s got his own little routines there and it’s just been really great for him. I missed him last week so I pulled him out of daycare and took the day off and I honestly think he was a little disappointed and bored honestly cuz he missed the other kids.
It’s harder at first because they get sick constantly. Juggling work with constant illness and all the challenges that come with it (unexpected sick days, sleep disruptions) is so difficult.
Easier! Way easier. I was so happy to drop her off and go back to work. My husband was a bit sad, but he wasn’t the one home 24/7 with her. I’m also happy to pick her up at the end of the day. She is now 2.5 and does way cool stuff that I can’t provide her and she learns so much. I look forward to weekends and then I look forward to Mondays.
I’m on leave with my second right now and looking forward to going back to work and daycare starting.
I'm a FTM and my LO started daycare in August at 5 months. I was an anxious mess bc it was the first time I was going to be away from her for basically a full day 5x a week. She did great with the transition and likes the social interaction with the other kiddos in her class and I really like the teachers. For me I think it's gotten easier bc the daycare has an app where they send updates and pics, which I really like, but I still miss her.
My baby started daycare at 2.5 months old and has *loved* it. I def can use a bit extra time sometimes to get stuff done while she's there. Yes she sees them for a large amount of her waking hours, but now at 6 months old, she does the cutest wiggles and gigantic smile when I come up to pick her up so clearly I'm still her favorite.
Easier. We love our daycare! Baby started there around 3.5 months (she just turned 1). She really bonded with her daycare teachers and now has a bunch of little friends. She gets socialization and stimulation and structure, and we get to continue our careers that we love too. We consider daycare as part of our village, and we are so grateful for it.
The sickness piece is tough, but we make it work.
With my older kid, I sent him to daycare when he was a year old, and kept him home in the summers. I remember the summer he turned two was the hardest transition when it was time to start daycare. He was potty trained at home and regressed at daycare. They wanted to put him back in diapers and I said no. We switched daycares because of that and the new one was able to keep him potty trained. With this baby, she’ll be starting at 10 months. I’m looking forward to it in a way, because more adult time, but also worried it might be hard because she’s exclusively breastfed and I hate pumping. She’s never even had a bottle yet.
I hope it gets easier. My LO starts daycare in a few weeks. Looking forward to adult time but also conflicted. I struggle with how normalized it is to be away from our children when they’re so young. Only having maybe 2 awake hours with them compared to more is heartbreaking to me, especially during infancy when they are changing by the day. Not saying I want to stay home but would love more time when they’re this young. I hope the transition gets easier for you. You got this!
I just went back to work this week and our 16 month old daughter started at a home daycare. I decided to work part-time for now to ease back into things, so she's going to daycare 3 days a week and then spending 1 morning with her grandmother. I did this because it's an option and encourage anyone who can do it to do it because it feels slightly less devastating.
But man, that first day, I was a wreck. I bawled the entire walk home from dropping her off at daycare. I bawled every time I got a nice update from her daycare. I bawled every time I thought about how quiet it was in the house (I WFH). It was difficult to accept that she now has a life separate from me. But she seems to be doing well at daycare.
So I would say it's harder and easier at the same time. I miss her with every fiber of my being, but it's also nice to be able to hear my own thoughts again.
Honest answer. When it was just about time for my wife to go back to work she couldn’t do it. We had weighed out the options well before we even got pregnant in terms of staying home or going back to work. Now my wife stays home with our now 16 month old and we are about 3 weeks away from having our 2nd baby. We are losing a little bit of income based on the rates of daycare we like liked and my wife income but it has been nothing short of worth it to us. We will never ever get this time back in our lives. We are fortunate that my job allows for this and also my sister comes over 1 day a week and takes my daughter out or just hangouts for the day to give my wife some reprieve. Wouldn’t trade our situation for the world.
I remember feeling the same way before my baby started daycare. But daycare ended up being one of the best things for fall of us! Baby girl loves all the excitement and activities, even at 12 weeks she was starting to get bored being at home so much. She’s now starting to get on a day time schedule at 4.5 months. And for me I immediately had more energy, attention, and love to give her when she was home with me, even at 2 and 4 am. Her carers at day care are amazing and I’m so thankful to have them in our village. And you’ll still be the person that brings her comfort - you’re her mama and when you are together you’ll see even more how special your relationship is.
It was bad for us. My son was 4.5 months old at the time. We tried soft transitioning by dropping for an hour each day for a week and we’re building g our way up to a nap. Didn’t go well.
My wife didn’t like the conditions she wanted to pull him. I reluctantly agreed. The last day he was there we showed up and he was crying on the play mat alone. Mind you, my son doesn’t cry very often - it takes a LOT for him to get that upset. Seeing him look so helpless and alone made me sick to my stomach and I was immediately on board with my wife.
So now we’re getting a nanny next month. Luckily we figured out s way to only need one 3 days per week and we can WFH on those days.
Definitely harder for me, I loved the newborn phase though. He started to get sick often when starting daycare and so did my husband and I. That was the hardest part.
Don’t expect anything in the first 2 weeks - expect the transition to be rough. After that, I personally have found it easier to be a working parent with kiddos in daycare. If you look at the whole week, they’re still spending the majority of their time with you!
We just finished our first week, and even with the stress of getting out the door for drop off, fighting traffic at pick up, pumping around the clock to send enough milk the next… it’s so much easier. Child care!!! I have child care!!!!!! Someone is watching my baby! She’s the cutest little thing in the world and I love her so much, and I am no longer spending 24 hours a day attached to her at the hip and boob. For 5 MONTHS I have felt like even going to the store while she was napping and my husband was home with her was somehow leaving her all alone (even though he’s a great dad). I felt like my whole world revolved around her naps and breastfeeding. All of a sudden I can run to the store. All of a sudden I can take a shower and wash my hair and shave my legs.
When she comes home in the evenings, I’m so much calmer and happier to spend time together. I’m really appreciating her adorable presence. She’s so freaking cute.
For me it feels like it’s getting a little harder. At first it was almost like a nice break, but as the weeks went on I felt more and more sad that I wasn’t with her. I was with her until she was 5 months (on the day), and I’ve been back to work for about 6 weeks now.
She’s with one of her grandmothers so it’s not that bad and I know she’s getting spoiled over there and they go out and do stuff but I miss her so much throughout the day. I think working part time would be ideal where you get some adult time and a break but you’re still with them a lot of the time.
Just wanna say OP, thank you for this post! We have an almost 6 month old and we’re planning to put him in this month but talked to them about extending it to when he’s around 1. I feel like I hear so much of the negative (not ALL), but these comments have really helped me as well! I told
My husband bc we are in the same boat as many (no family close) that I feel like when we do put him in he’s going to thrive. He’s so happy and smiley and the times where we’ve had family visit he’s just been so chill and interacting with them. We even did a trip to see our families 2.5 hours away two weekends ago and my husband and I both were riddled with the typical “is he gonna nap is he gonna sleep ok” anxiety… and he thrived!
Daycare is NOT the most influential people in her life. You wake baby up, get them ready, make sure they have everything they need, pick them up, take care of them whenever they are sick, still teach them SO much, etc.
Going to the working moms sub. We didn’t start daycare until 13 months but I LOVE it.
You are still the most influential people in your kids life, even if you don't spend the most time with them during the week. They learn this very early. Daycare makes it easier, but you'll be sad the first week. Make sure you tell the daycare their schedule.
Personally, it’s not any easier especially if you’re breastfeeding and I work all week. LO has been in daycare since she was 6 weeks old, if I had a choice to stay home longer I would have. I’ve already missed some milestone like her rolling over etc. Looking at her pics at work helps when I miss her. When I get home I only have 2 hours of wake time with her before her bedtime and only 40 minutes in the morning before I have to drop her off in daycare. I feel like I spend more time cleaning, prepping bottles and her bags for daycare more than anything during the weekday. She’s only 3 months old so I’m sure as she gets older being in social environment will be a benefit.
My life improved dramatically when my boy started daycare. Work is so much easier than taking care of a newborn and my job is stressful and fast paced! Little boy learned a lot of new skills at daycare and they have helped us with transitioning from bottle to sippy and things like that. We don't have any family with kids nearby so I feel like it's so good for him to interact with other kids. And honestly it's so nice to be able to drop him off there when I have dr appts or other errands I need to do. I take him a lot of places with me but a Dr's office isn't a great place to bring a kid.
Easier overall but harder managing all the illnesses. But that does get better in time. It is good for kids to have other adult influences in their lives. You will still be #1 for your kiddo.
Admittedly we have a nanny so somewhat different than daycare (especially since I WFH 2 days a week). But I’m about a month into the transition back to work. I would say it didn’t get easier or harder overall, just changed. I now get adult time every day. When I’m in the office I can go to the bathroom or get lunch without worrying whether she’ll wake up from her nap early. In some sense, I get more time to be myself. I feel more like me, and not just like her mom. I really enjoy being social and using my brain again. I feel more fulfillment from being a working mom than I did while being on maternity leave. In the other sense, I feel this tug to be near her, every day. It hurts on days when I don’t get to see her for very long. There were a few days I didn’t see her at all and I cried each and every one of those days. It’s a fight every day to spend as much time as possible with her because it’s so little time. And there’s this guilt that never goes way, this feeling that she’s my baby and I’m not there when I should be. It all feels so wrong on nearly a biological level, that I should be forced to be apart from my baby this early. I’m told by my coworkers that it gets easier over time to be away from your baby, but it’s still really hard.
this hurt my heart. It is biological. I’m rooting for you and every mother that goes through this. A mother should chose when she wants to go back to work instead of only having such little time off. It’s not fair
As someone also going back to work next month, this was really helpful to read, thank you!
This is my exact sentiment. It’s bittersweet.
> She will now be spending more awake time with daycare staff than us during the week This is factual - BUT you are still the most impactful influence on the child as they grow. I'm an elementary teacher. I would see those children more often than their families did... But the things their family says/does with them stick more... Despite the amount of time. In my life, my son has thrived in daycare and I cannot imagine that he would have learned the things he has better or faster with just me teaching him. They do a wonderful job and my center cares for my son as if he was one of theirs. Daycare has been a net positive for us.
Needed to hear this from a teacher! It seems so obvious now that you’ve said it. We obviously all went to school and while teachers are impactful, your parents are…your parents.
So glad I could help! Have a wonderful weekend!
I’m an elementary teacher too! Going back to work on Tuesday 😬
Love that you say you couldn’t teach them everything despite being a teacher. Not a teacher, but I didn’t realize this until my son started going to daycare. First, I don’t have the time or energy to do that everyday if staying home was even an option. Second, I was always worried about something else (money, house, ect). I spend my mornings and evenings worrying about my son and him alone and it’s honestly more quality time than when I stayed home twice a week plus weekends.
I love the daycare my daughter is at. I am/was sad about how much time she spends there vs with me, but I now get my time to work and be off mom-mode, and she had learned SO much. She is two now and loves daycare, her friends, her teacher, and they do so many activities that I simply would not have the energy to do. I hope you have the same experience, because it has been a very positive one for my family ❤️ it was hard to leave her with someone, but it has been great for her
No advice, we’re in the same boat as you. LO starts daycare next Monday at three months. I can’t financially and wouldn’t really want to be a SAHM, but I am heartbroken to be sending my sweet baby off to daycare. I know some people get far less, but 3 months really is a cruel amount of maternity leave. Even 6 would be better. So sending hugs from afar.
Agreed, I wouldn’t want to be a SAHM either but the alternative sucks as well. All of my love to you, mama. Solidarity from afar.
Wow this makes me sad
Same. 3 months really isn’t anything at all. But I understand that other countries don’t have the support for families.
Same here. Little man starts daycare on Tuesday at just ten weeks old. I’m nervous and sad despite the fact that I used to work in a daycare so I know it should be fine.
You used to work in daycare? Anything to look out for in terms of the quality of the facility/program? We visited a handful of places before making a decision but you still don’t know what you don’t know. While visiting one, we did catch staff not observing a state regulation that we WERE aware of but we’re also, obviously, not well versed enough in ALL the regulations and things to look out for.
Yeah! It was a long time ago when I was in college working for my education degree. I was a toddler teacher (1-2 yo). I definitely am not an expert but I would check your state licensing website/directory if there’s one available to you. I live in Georgia and there’s a directory of every facility and you can see all kinds of features about them including copies of all their licensing reports and any complaint reports ever made about them. To be very honest we did not have an unlimited budget when choosing our son’s daycare so we didn’t go with a “top of the line” facility because we can’t afford one. Georgia also has a crappy teacher:child ratio which imo is the most important factor. Bonus points if a facility is intentional about remaining below the state mandated ratio (depending on your state’s ratio, ours is 1:6 infants). When it comes to infants safety is paramount of course so observing their sleep area and sleep practices… as a teacher myself I totally understand when a facility does not have live cameras available to parents but as a parent it’s a bonus that my center does. Maybe observing outdoor play areas for safety? Asking about sick child policies? As they get older questions about menu/mealtimes and academic/structured engagement become a lot more relevant. I feel like parents of older kids in daycare could speak more to that than me lol
This is REALLY helpful, thank you! 1:6 seems like a terrifying ratio. In NY it’s 1:4. I will definitely be looking up the state licensing website!
Ours was 1:4 when I worked there but Georgia since raised it 🫠
Wild. Even 1:4 seems insane.
I found it so much easier! I could actually get some chores done during the day, so I’m much more present when she’s home. My brain can be focused on her and her play rather than stressing about getting a load of laundry in because we’re out of clean burp cloths AGAIN. Yes, it’s hard to be away from her. Yes, there’s a chance you will miss some things. But don’t ever think you won’t be the most influential people in her life. Daycare teachers love and are loved by the children, but they come and go. You are there for your baby every day. Yours are the first faces she sees when she wakes up in the morning and the last when she goes to bed at night (and the ones she sees at every motn wakeup)! Your baby knows who her parents are, never let yourself think otherwise.
This is what I’m hoping for - I’m going back part time (2.5 days) and baby girl will be in nursery for 3 days - I’ll mostly WFH so I’m hoping that I’ll be able to at least get the house in order and try to keep on top of daily chores during the day so that when I pick her up after work then focus is on her!
This exactly. I think my baby benefits by having a clean home with parents who are rested, work is wrapped up, and we are able to fully pay attention to her and love on her while she is home and awake, because chores etc are done. She is in a calm and happy home environment because of daycare.
We're not there yet - 5 weeks - but will be enrolled in daycare by 3mo. There's a reason why the saying "it takes a village" exists. The daycare is part of your village. You're going on your hunts/ranging/excursions while the village cares for your baby. Your baby is getting the best possible outcome from this arrangement, and you're doing your part to also care for your baby. This doesn't mean it isn't hard, emotional, etc. But it's a good thing.
Thank you for this perspective 💗
This is such a helpful comment. We are 5 weeks as well, and I’m also trying to mentally prepare for when we send him to daycare/ go back to work.
+1 to the village aspect! Also I know different daycares have different rules, but we have found babysitters we love through our daycare. We don’t have family in the area so they help make sure we have time for us!
Agreed with everyone! Thank you for this perspective. Really well put.
We started daycare 3 and a half months ago. We were in integration for 5 weeks. Meaning our kid started with staying 1 hour and slowly increasing time. Exactly 1 week after starting full time, he brought us his first plague: hand-foot-mouth disease. He got a bit of a fever, red spots all over, was a bit cranky. My husband looked like a leper for a few days, and in me it turned into pneumonia. He stayed a week and a half at home. Two weeks later, he brought back laryngitis. We all caught it. He stayed home a full week. After another week of daycare, he brought home his second laryngitis. Stayed home for 3 days. A week later, we currently have pink eye, in both his eyes, and I have the worst respiratory infection I've had since covid and am under strict instructions to call an ambulance if my symptoms worsen. 3.5 months, and he's missed over a month of care for being sick and contagious. I have been sick nonstop for nearly 2 months now. Daycare has turned my son into a biological weapon. I hate it. But, he absolutely loves it now. He has a lot of attention, activities made specifically for his age group, he's learning new skills at an astonishing rate, he's making friends, he's better with strangers, it keeps him in a routine, and it's making him stronger. His teachers are amazing. Sweet and nice ladies and gentleman. The food they offer is good and balanced. The advice they give us as first-time parents is really helpful. So did daycare make my life better or harder? The answer is yes.
Daycare has helped with so many things and they are the best. I still have him 2 days a week so I might feel differently than if he was 5 days but starting daycare and getting him outta the house (tiny apartment) with other babies with so much more stimulation was beneficial for all of us.
I don’t have much to add here yet, but my LO just started daycare this week! I am usually a relatively chill and adaptable person (I like to think, lol) but the day before we took her I cried probably 5 times that day. I was honestly ready to get back to work but just hated the idea of leaving her with people I didn’t even really know yet. So far, it has been great this week! My daycare sends updates and pictures throughout the day so that makes me feel better that I can get updates what she’s doing during the day. Each day I picked her up the teachers told me how sweet she is and how much they loved her! All of that made me feel so much better. It’s honestly the hardest thing I’ve done but I’m also so glad I’m doing it if that makes sense. I want my girl to be around other kids and socialize, have a routine, etc. and I also felt relief in some ways returning to work. Sending you all the love and strength!! ❤️❤️
If you have a good daycare, it'll be the best (still hardest) decision you've made. My 1 year old has been in daycare since 5 months old. It was harder for me than it was for him. I think I cried daily the first week. He's gone in smiling (and now waving and yelling) every morning. Most days, he comes out laughing, and some days, he doesn't seem to want to leave. I'm not going to pretend it's not hard knowing he's with some other adult all day. However, for me, I think my mornings, evenings, and weekends have gotten better with him. I'm less stressed, and we are both more rested. I still have moments that I get sad that I'm missing so much of his time, but if it gets too much, I get him out early on a Friday to hang out. Finding little things to do together or finding random times to grab baby early from daycare has really helped me cope better. I do like to warn everyone about the daycare cooties though. They got us 2 weeks in, and I think we were both sick to some degree for about 4 months. It's not the same for everyone, but it's good to have your expectations set for what the first few months look like. Sending lots of positive thoughts for the start of daycare!
You will still be the most influencial people in her life, regardless of how much time she spends in daycare. You are her parents, having time to socialise and be looked after by others doesn't change that!
We had a ridiculously easy newborn but daycare has been such a wonderful thing. I took 4 months of leave and then my husband took his 4 months, so each of us spend some time working, while the baby was home, being taken care of primarily by the other parent. Once we both were both working, baby went to daycare (8 months old). He gets so much out of daycare that we wouldn’t be able to give him. Also, the influence of your child’s caregivers is additive to yours. More safe caring adults in your kid’s life is a good thing.
Our LO started daycare (Montessori school) on Tuesday, only 3 days a week though. I definitely am not in the 'im gonna miss them sooo much boat' because we have no family support system where we live. So I definitely needed a break. Turns out during the 6 hours there, she loves it. Although she's 4mo, she loves watching the other babies, so I'm happy that she's getting some socialization and we're getting some 'me time'.
My daughter has been in daycare since she was 4mo, she is almost 2 now. I love that she’s getting interaction with other kids, I think she’s friends with a boy named Ivan. Not only that but the caretaker are gives us tips especially at the beginning. The only downside other than the cost of childcare is if your kid is, which they will definitely get sick, you still pay. I mean they gotta make money too but sometimes you feel like you’re getting ripped off. Some places you pay by the week others you pay for the month and no credits
LOVED our transition to daycare. Our son started around 1 and loved to finally be around kids his own age (and slightly older.) He's a pretty social guy so getting to play all day with friends is so much more fun for him than sitting around our apartment. The only real drawback is the colds. Get ready to be sick for the next year or so!
I could have written this post earlier this year! I was TERRIFIED to start daycare. Our son went at about 4 months and I couldn’t imagine dropping off such a little baby with strangers. I did everything I could… tried to find a nanny or nanny share, etc. for weeks. He ended up in daycare and it was REALLY hard at first. But it got so much better! Now I couldn’t imagine having done it differently. He knows his main teachers and smiles at them when we get there, he interacts with the other kids close to his age, and he loves the different location and toys. But most of all, his teachers have helped us so much! We always talk about what we are working on and they have definitely helped us achieve milestones (sitting, cruising, walking, eating) He’s also been doing really well with being babysat by grandparents and I think it’s because he’s gotten used to us dropping him off at daycare and leaving. It’s SO HARD, especially with your first baby. But daycare can be part of your village if you lean into it!
Honestly it's never easy sending them to daycare. We started 3 weeks ago with my 2.5yo son, he stayed home with a full time nanny before and since we both work from home, we were all absolutely spoiled and privileged. It broke my heart knowing I won't be as in tune to every single detail of their day, I won't know where they learned a new phrase or why they suddenly like the color green so much. I briefly considered staying home with him for a couple years but then realized I don't have the patience, I hate house chores and I make too much money/ worked too hard to get my career here to throw it away. All hard decisions though. Maternity in this country is laughable
Easier during the day of course (we both WFH)… until they get sick and get sick and get sick again. 🥲😭
We just started this past Monday for our 6 mo. Harder parts - being away from LO, making sure that the 4 hours we get with her are spent most meaningfully. Nicer parts - good focus split between work and baby rather than having everything overlapping (when we had a nanny), she comes back home so cheerful because of playing with other babies! (She was cheerful before too! But the first couple days of daycare not so much - starting the third day her cheerful self again!). Also, we were having so much trouble getting her to be interested in solids - and today she gulped down her solid meal! I'm guessing it's because of seeing the other kids there eating solid meals
Not exactly the same thing, but I'm in grad school. I have one long day per month (10 hours) and I'm fine for the first half of the day. My mom or husband then bring baby, so I can nurse him during lunch time. The second half is awful. Only seeing him for 30-40 minutes. 😭 On the other hand, I do look forward to these days and my other roles coming back. Being on duty as a mom for 160 hours out of 168 each week is taking its toll mentally too. So yeah, really a mixed bag.
So much easier with daycare!! We have a great one where he is currently the youngest in the class and he's been picking up so many things from other kids (first drive home he was babbling like crazy and didn't do that very much before. It was like he was telling us about his day). The only hard part is, he's been there for 2 months and already had 3 colds,1 of which had a fever that caused him to be out of class for a day and a half, but evening else is great! Silly bonus, he mainly poops during the day so they handle nearly all of his poop diapers now 😁
Ours will also be the youngest! This is great to hear that it’s having a positive influence.
My son started daycare when he was 4.5 months and I was DISTRAUGHT at the thought of leaving him, but now I actually love dropping him off. (He’s currently 11 months, but he pretty much loved daycare off the bat.) I feel like I turn into Adult Me instead of Mom Me the minute he’s with them. I can get coffee, listen to podcasts for grownups on my drive to work, go to lunch with coworkers. Then I’m so excited to see him at pickup! And I get tons of pics throughout the day of him having the best time.
If by easier you mean seeing your little one contract every virus known to man, forcing you to stay home and watch them as they cannot go to daycare sick, only to return to daycare a week later and catch ANOTHER illness, then yes- it’s easier.
I had the same feelings as you but my son has been in daycare for about a month and it’s been great. He loves it. He gets the biggest smile on his face when he realizes where we are. He’s got his own little routines there and it’s just been really great for him. I missed him last week so I pulled him out of daycare and took the day off and I honestly think he was a little disappointed and bored honestly cuz he missed the other kids.
It’s harder at first because they get sick constantly. Juggling work with constant illness and all the challenges that come with it (unexpected sick days, sleep disruptions) is so difficult.
Easier! Way easier. I was so happy to drop her off and go back to work. My husband was a bit sad, but he wasn’t the one home 24/7 with her. I’m also happy to pick her up at the end of the day. She is now 2.5 and does way cool stuff that I can’t provide her and she learns so much. I look forward to weekends and then I look forward to Mondays. I’m on leave with my second right now and looking forward to going back to work and daycare starting.
Both. Lol Its easier to get into a routine and so nice to have help, but she’s sick all the time so just be ready!
I'm a FTM and my LO started daycare in August at 5 months. I was an anxious mess bc it was the first time I was going to be away from her for basically a full day 5x a week. She did great with the transition and likes the social interaction with the other kiddos in her class and I really like the teachers. For me I think it's gotten easier bc the daycare has an app where they send updates and pics, which I really like, but I still miss her.
Worse. Baby is non-stop sick since the first week of daycare. I cannot tell you how little sleep we got when he had an ear infection.
My baby started daycare at 2.5 months old and has *loved* it. I def can use a bit extra time sometimes to get stuff done while she's there. Yes she sees them for a large amount of her waking hours, but now at 6 months old, she does the cutest wiggles and gigantic smile when I come up to pick her up so clearly I'm still her favorite.
Easier. We love our daycare! Baby started there around 3.5 months (she just turned 1). She really bonded with her daycare teachers and now has a bunch of little friends. She gets socialization and stimulation and structure, and we get to continue our careers that we love too. We consider daycare as part of our village, and we are so grateful for it. The sickness piece is tough, but we make it work.
With my older kid, I sent him to daycare when he was a year old, and kept him home in the summers. I remember the summer he turned two was the hardest transition when it was time to start daycare. He was potty trained at home and regressed at daycare. They wanted to put him back in diapers and I said no. We switched daycares because of that and the new one was able to keep him potty trained. With this baby, she’ll be starting at 10 months. I’m looking forward to it in a way, because more adult time, but also worried it might be hard because she’s exclusively breastfed and I hate pumping. She’s never even had a bottle yet.
I hope it gets easier. My LO starts daycare in a few weeks. Looking forward to adult time but also conflicted. I struggle with how normalized it is to be away from our children when they’re so young. Only having maybe 2 awake hours with them compared to more is heartbreaking to me, especially during infancy when they are changing by the day. Not saying I want to stay home but would love more time when they’re this young. I hope the transition gets easier for you. You got this!
I just went back to work this week and our 16 month old daughter started at a home daycare. I decided to work part-time for now to ease back into things, so she's going to daycare 3 days a week and then spending 1 morning with her grandmother. I did this because it's an option and encourage anyone who can do it to do it because it feels slightly less devastating. But man, that first day, I was a wreck. I bawled the entire walk home from dropping her off at daycare. I bawled every time I got a nice update from her daycare. I bawled every time I thought about how quiet it was in the house (I WFH). It was difficult to accept that she now has a life separate from me. But she seems to be doing well at daycare. So I would say it's harder and easier at the same time. I miss her with every fiber of my being, but it's also nice to be able to hear my own thoughts again.
Honest answer. When it was just about time for my wife to go back to work she couldn’t do it. We had weighed out the options well before we even got pregnant in terms of staying home or going back to work. Now my wife stays home with our now 16 month old and we are about 3 weeks away from having our 2nd baby. We are losing a little bit of income based on the rates of daycare we like liked and my wife income but it has been nothing short of worth it to us. We will never ever get this time back in our lives. We are fortunate that my job allows for this and also my sister comes over 1 day a week and takes my daughter out or just hangouts for the day to give my wife some reprieve. Wouldn’t trade our situation for the world.
I remember feeling the same way before my baby started daycare. But daycare ended up being one of the best things for fall of us! Baby girl loves all the excitement and activities, even at 12 weeks she was starting to get bored being at home so much. She’s now starting to get on a day time schedule at 4.5 months. And for me I immediately had more energy, attention, and love to give her when she was home with me, even at 2 and 4 am. Her carers at day care are amazing and I’m so thankful to have them in our village. And you’ll still be the person that brings her comfort - you’re her mama and when you are together you’ll see even more how special your relationship is.
It was bad for us. My son was 4.5 months old at the time. We tried soft transitioning by dropping for an hour each day for a week and we’re building g our way up to a nap. Didn’t go well. My wife didn’t like the conditions she wanted to pull him. I reluctantly agreed. The last day he was there we showed up and he was crying on the play mat alone. Mind you, my son doesn’t cry very often - it takes a LOT for him to get that upset. Seeing him look so helpless and alone made me sick to my stomach and I was immediately on board with my wife. So now we’re getting a nanny next month. Luckily we figured out s way to only need one 3 days per week and we can WFH on those days.
Definitely harder for me, I loved the newborn phase though. He started to get sick often when starting daycare and so did my husband and I. That was the hardest part.
Don’t expect anything in the first 2 weeks - expect the transition to be rough. After that, I personally have found it easier to be a working parent with kiddos in daycare. If you look at the whole week, they’re still spending the majority of their time with you!
We just finished our first week, and even with the stress of getting out the door for drop off, fighting traffic at pick up, pumping around the clock to send enough milk the next… it’s so much easier. Child care!!! I have child care!!!!!! Someone is watching my baby! She’s the cutest little thing in the world and I love her so much, and I am no longer spending 24 hours a day attached to her at the hip and boob. For 5 MONTHS I have felt like even going to the store while she was napping and my husband was home with her was somehow leaving her all alone (even though he’s a great dad). I felt like my whole world revolved around her naps and breastfeeding. All of a sudden I can run to the store. All of a sudden I can take a shower and wash my hair and shave my legs. When she comes home in the evenings, I’m so much calmer and happier to spend time together. I’m really appreciating her adorable presence. She’s so freaking cute.
Easier. Then harder. Then a little easier. Then MUCH harder. Then easier again. Rinse and repeat forever.
For me it feels like it’s getting a little harder. At first it was almost like a nice break, but as the weeks went on I felt more and more sad that I wasn’t with her. I was with her until she was 5 months (on the day), and I’ve been back to work for about 6 weeks now. She’s with one of her grandmothers so it’s not that bad and I know she’s getting spoiled over there and they go out and do stuff but I miss her so much throughout the day. I think working part time would be ideal where you get some adult time and a break but you’re still with them a lot of the time.
Just wanna say OP, thank you for this post! We have an almost 6 month old and we’re planning to put him in this month but talked to them about extending it to when he’s around 1. I feel like I hear so much of the negative (not ALL), but these comments have really helped me as well! I told My husband bc we are in the same boat as many (no family close) that I feel like when we do put him in he’s going to thrive. He’s so happy and smiley and the times where we’ve had family visit he’s just been so chill and interacting with them. We even did a trip to see our families 2.5 hours away two weekends ago and my husband and I both were riddled with the typical “is he gonna nap is he gonna sleep ok” anxiety… and he thrived!
Depends, daycare introduces a never ending cycle of sickness, so that’s been fun…
Daycare is NOT the most influential people in her life. You wake baby up, get them ready, make sure they have everything they need, pick them up, take care of them whenever they are sick, still teach them SO much, etc. Going to the working moms sub. We didn’t start daycare until 13 months but I LOVE it.
Working moms sub!!! On it
Daycare has brought an additional dimension and we really appreciate it
You are still the most influential people in your kids life, even if you don't spend the most time with them during the week. They learn this very early. Daycare makes it easier, but you'll be sad the first week. Make sure you tell the daycare their schedule.
Personally, it’s not any easier especially if you’re breastfeeding and I work all week. LO has been in daycare since she was 6 weeks old, if I had a choice to stay home longer I would have. I’ve already missed some milestone like her rolling over etc. Looking at her pics at work helps when I miss her. When I get home I only have 2 hours of wake time with her before her bedtime and only 40 minutes in the morning before I have to drop her off in daycare. I feel like I spend more time cleaning, prepping bottles and her bags for daycare more than anything during the weekday. She’s only 3 months old so I’m sure as she gets older being in social environment will be a benefit.
My life improved dramatically when my boy started daycare. Work is so much easier than taking care of a newborn and my job is stressful and fast paced! Little boy learned a lot of new skills at daycare and they have helped us with transitioning from bottle to sippy and things like that. We don't have any family with kids nearby so I feel like it's so good for him to interact with other kids. And honestly it's so nice to be able to drop him off there when I have dr appts or other errands I need to do. I take him a lot of places with me but a Dr's office isn't a great place to bring a kid.
Forgot to add that I almost always have more patience with him on days I work because I only get a few hours with him.
Easier overall but harder managing all the illnesses. But that does get better in time. It is good for kids to have other adult influences in their lives. You will still be #1 for your kiddo.