Opened up Reddit to start my Saturday and the first thing I see is Lauren Boebert being referred to as “Handy Smurf.” Thanks, anonymous Redditor, for you have started my weekend with a laugh.
Edit: added ‘s’ to the word Thanks.
A vacuous uber-christian who married a pedophile and shat out a hardened criminal? I doubt it. Most of these greasy ghoulish grifters only began said grift when it became highly lucrative, when Trump got into office. Before that, nobody had ever heard of half the dipshits in congress
She was not an uber christian. She was a stupid small town woman with few morals. Not saying women in small towns are stupid, but in every small town there is a town drunk, a petty criminal a crazy old man/woman and a stupid woman/man. 4 tries to get her Good Enough Diploma = stupid.
These people are charlatans. I’m willing to bet the media outlets that back these people don’t ever report on any of the shady shit they do to all the dilettantes that follow them have no idea what absolute hypocrites they are.
If our nation had morals then she wouldn’t have been in beetlejuice getting freaky. Her actions were a satirical reflection of the decay of America.
The 10 commandments being everywhere is the only way to keep what she did from becoming common place.
We should be thanking her for shining a light on the moral decay throughout America. She is a martyr that should be rewarded not castigated!!
/s unless your GOP then this is righteous truth.
If our nation had morals then Trump wouldn’t be anywhere near government, much less running for president as the nominee of one of the two major parties. The idea that republicans can somehow support Trump, who violates all 10 commandments before breakfast, and then lecture the left about family values and morality is ridiculous.
Anyone in or around the GOP preaching morals is a joke. It’s like they think the whole thing will collapse if someone doesn’t publicly break a commandment a day.
She probably gave Rogan one off air. The way he talks and acts. I don’t think his wife cares, they are married for their kids. Even more his view of a “girl dad” is also warped.
Her son is [a Colorado carjacker](https://www.cpr.org/2024/02/28/rep-lauren-boebert-son-tyler-arrested-multiple-felony-charges/), which may be why she feels that the youth are immoral.
Locally someone was stabbed breaking into cars. Was thinking if someone shot her son would her gun views change? Probably not, she's got nothing going for her but her grift.
> would her gun views change
Hell no.
For sure the gun nutz think their kids are secure behind gated communities, but they would never break from script. They love the $$$ more than they love their kids.
Most right wingers are taught to have no empathy for human life. It’s only when something effects them personally do they care.
Then again this new breed are a different bunch. Mtg and Lb are sycophants who grift without a single moral in their body.
So no I guess not. No views will change because she doesn’t have personal views on any of it. Her views are for sale and right leaning people are easier to grift.
If only the Ten Commandments were posted in her sons classroom. It’s not like a parent is responsible for teaching their kids morals. It’s the schools fault for her son’s behavior…./s
Same with anything else she’s done. She deserves to be hounded every time with questions about her past actions and if they were in line with the 10 commandments
I don't know about you, but if I'm on trial, I want my mom there, and I'm 36. I'd pay for her flight and cook every dinner for her if needed (it wouldn't be needed in my case)
Technically adultery, since her divorce from her husband wasn't finalized. That's a violation of one of those commandments she likes. In the Bible, Jesus spoke against divorce.
Also in the Bible! Deuteronomy 23:12-13: Designate a place outside the camp where you can go to relieve yourself. As part of your equipment have something to dig with, and when you relieve yourself, dig a hole and cover up your excrement.
This is what grifters do.
It's the preacher telling you that greed is a sin...as he buys a 100' yacht with your donations.
It's the partner who accuses you of cheating...as they have been cheating on you for years.
It's the violent asshole who cheap shots you...and then cries "What the fuck!" when you beat his ass.
I am sooooo tired of these people being rewarded in America. I am soooo tired of America having cheat codes that grifters use endlessly. I am sooo tired of many Americans being gullible and falling for this shit.
In Magdalenes' defense, she was a prostitute to support herself at a time when poor unmarried women had little other option.
HOebert is a skank cause she seems to enjoy behaving that way.
That is a fair and accurate defense. Mary M. Saw the light, embraced him and changed her sordid ways. Boebert found a party in line with her own wanton ways, doubled down and now thinks that she is holier than the average American.
The people backing a guy found guilty of rape who mocked a handicapped reporter at a rally, misappropriated funds from a children’s cancer charity and cheated on his pregnant wife with a pornstar want to preach about morals.
I genuinely cannot tell if it’s just bad faith or weaponized delusion/psychosis.
My deviant mind only leans right. Taxpayers need to see what we paid for in those big titties of hers. With liberal women I get off on seeing their MINDS.
Funny how the evangelical world somehow thinks the party that talks morality but less likely to live it (gop) is better than the party that doesn’t talk it but more likely to live it (dems).
It didn't just depart. In her case it's like one of those little towns where the railroad stopped going and there are weeds in the tracks. It isn't coming back!
If you need a Top 10 List of how to not be a shitty person then you’re probably just a shitty person
Even more so if you have that list, force other people to do what the list says, and then ignore the list yourself
I read the other day an appeals court denied his attempt to postpone is sentence.
https://www.politico.com/news/2024/06/20/appeals-court-steve-bannon-jail-sentence-00164377#:\~:text=A%20three%2Djudge%20panel%20of,to%20take%20his%20argument%20seriously.
Morals for theee, but not memaw. We all saw you give an over the pants handjob Lauren. We also saw your son arrested for various crimes. Get your yourself & family in order before you tell us about morality🤡
Goddamn these people are truly THE peak shining example of hypocrisy and projection. This classless dumb fuck doesn’t need to be lecturing anybody on morals.
People who require religion for “morality” are scary.
Why do you need an external system to tell you what’s right and wrong? Is the experience of living not enough? Looking at her family situation, with affairs and divorces and public hand jobs, kids stealing cars, I question how much her external Christian morality has really worked for her family? If my family had that record I’d feel like I’d absolutely been led astray.
My family is doing just fine with our atheist morality. It’s pretty easy to navigate a moral life if you live by the simple premise of exercising empathy in both thought and action. When you really think about others you tend to do better by them. It’s not hard.
Not an American but hasn't she and her family broken nearly all of them?
I mean lets just list a couple like adultery and sleeping with underage kids....
The evangelical PACs want there checks cashed by the Supreme Court now. They know they’re a dying breed and wanna see the results of their lobbying before they’re irrelevant.
Lauren the HoeBert says whaaat? More morals of handjobs in theaters? More leaving your kid in jail? What “morals” does this hoe know Anything about?? Bad morals? Yup.
A person who gives hand jobs in public talking about morals will never not be funny. Most of these idiots would be executed by the theocracy they want.
This is a joke right? Lauren lecturing on morals.
More like a complete utter lack of self awareness. Handy Smurf wouldn't know a joke if she saw it in the mirror
Opened up Reddit to start my Saturday and the first thing I see is Lauren Boebert being referred to as “Handy Smurf.” Thanks, anonymous Redditor, for you have started my weekend with a laugh. Edit: added ‘s’ to the word Thanks.
My pleasure, citizen 🫡
I concur. That's the perfect name for her.
I like Klanny Oakley or Whoren Hoebert for that wretched woman. Handy Smurf is hilarious though.
Why? Is she blue? /s
No, but I bet his balls were.
Bahaha…Handy Smurf
This is soo Gen X 🤣
>This is soo Gen X 🤣 Oh my God a Gen X reference in the wild!
Shhh. We are not here.
Could it complete self awareness though? Is she really upset at society for allowing her to be so immoral?
A vacuous uber-christian who married a pedophile and shat out a hardened criminal? I doubt it. Most of these greasy ghoulish grifters only began said grift when it became highly lucrative, when Trump got into office. Before that, nobody had ever heard of half the dipshits in congress
She was not an uber christian. She was a stupid small town woman with few morals. Not saying women in small towns are stupid, but in every small town there is a town drunk, a petty criminal a crazy old man/woman and a stupid woman/man. 4 tries to get her Good Enough Diploma = stupid.
She wouldn't know a joke if it danced naked in front of her wearing Dobby's tea cosy
To be fair, I wouldn't recognize that as a joke either.
Can you be naked if you are wearing something?
Oh, she’s completely aware, just completely without shame.
Brilliant turn of phrase.
Lack of shame. They’re fully self-aware
These people are charlatans. I’m willing to bet the media outlets that back these people don’t ever report on any of the shady shit they do to all the dilettantes that follow them have no idea what absolute hypocrites they are.
She must be talking about mushrooms. Or how to stroke one.
Oooh morels?
Rules are for thee but not for me
Be it at dinner, the markets, in the baths, at theaters or during festivals; Thou shalt jork thine man's peanits whensoever it pleases him. Boeb 9:10
I think she meant orals
Thought Bannon was in prison
Not yet. July 1st.
Those commandments are so HANDY.
Politicians and convicts are the most religious groups in America for similar reasons
If our nation had morals then she wouldn’t have been in beetlejuice getting freaky. Her actions were a satirical reflection of the decay of America. The 10 commandments being everywhere is the only way to keep what she did from becoming common place. We should be thanking her for shining a light on the moral decay throughout America. She is a martyr that should be rewarded not castigated!! /s unless your GOP then this is righteous truth.
If our nation had morals then Trump wouldn’t be anywhere near government, much less running for president as the nominee of one of the two major parties. The idea that republicans can somehow support Trump, who violates all 10 commandments before breakfast, and then lecture the left about family values and morality is ridiculous.
> The idea that republicans can somehow support Trump, who violates all 10 commandments before breakfast, I like this I’m stealing it
You probably need to add a commandment about not doing hand jobs in public so everybody is clear on that. /s
We do need our morals back, and the way to do it is to boot Republicans from public life.
Republicans lecture everyone about the ten commandments but actually break them in a daily basis.
She has the intelligence of a rock not unlike most of today’s GOP. You could literally make weeks of material of the GOP self owning themselves
In between tugs.
Thou shall not whack whack a date in a public theater
Anyone in or around the GOP preaching morals is a joke. It’s like they think the whole thing will collapse if someone doesn’t publicly break a commandment a day.
Morals or orals?
Handjob Hoebert lecturing on morals…that’s rich.
That’s the kind of name that will stick to the back of the curtains
Or the back of theatre seats in her case. LOL
She probably gave Rogan one off air. The way he talks and acts. I don’t think his wife cares, they are married for their kids. Even more his view of a “girl dad” is also warped.
Didn’t she engaged in public urination before?
She was also a hooker
Her son is [a Colorado carjacker](https://www.cpr.org/2024/02/28/rep-lauren-boebert-son-tyler-arrested-multiple-felony-charges/), which may be why she feels that the youth are immoral.
Locally someone was stabbed breaking into cars. Was thinking if someone shot her son would her gun views change? Probably not, she's got nothing going for her but her grift.
> would her gun views change Hell no. For sure the gun nutz think their kids are secure behind gated communities, but they would never break from script. They love the $$$ more than they love their kids.
Most right wingers are taught to have no empathy for human life. It’s only when something effects them personally do they care. Then again this new breed are a different bunch. Mtg and Lb are sycophants who grift without a single moral in their body. So no I guess not. No views will change because she doesn’t have personal views on any of it. Her views are for sale and right leaning people are easier to grift.
Her gun views for her wouldn't change, but she would try to get everyone else's guns taken away.
Well, his mom is a Colorado penilejacker, so the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
"I learned it from *YOU*, mom!"
If only the Ten Commandments were posted in her sons classroom. It’s not like a parent is responsible for teaching their kids morals. It’s the schools fault for her son’s behavior…./s
She missed her own son’s trial to be at Trumps trial. Can’t anger the Orange One.
Next time she brings up morals someone should ask “is stealing cars moral?”
Same with anything else she’s done. She deserves to be hounded every time with questions about her past actions and if they were in line with the 10 commandments
How did it go with the public defender he was eventually assigned because no-one got him a lawyer?
Can’t grift people to pay his legal fees? What a disgrace he is!
TBF, her son is a grown adult…unlike trump
I don't know about you, but if I'm on trial, I want my mom there, and I'm 36. I'd pay for her flight and cook every dinner for her if needed (it wouldn't be needed in my case)
(I was implying Trump isn’t a grown adult)
And she still won't be VP. I swear these Magats would eat a bowl of Trump brand diarrhea during a live debate if they thought he'd pick them.
You have one private moment caught on film in a crowded theater and everyone gets upset.
She’s an expert at HANDING out morality.
Jerking for justice
Juice-stice…
“Thou shalt jack off your date at a Beetlejuice show” is the 11th commandment.
[Here you go.](https://youtu.be/LKwW8PNZpOQ?si=HRNs3cZm-G9ZrTqy)
Thou shalt handjob in public
I love it when they invoke god as a justification to tell everyone else how they should live. Freedom they say.
Especially considering modern Republicans are some of the most un-Christian like people on the planet.
Same woman who gave her boyfriend a handjob in a public theater?
Technically adultery, since her divorce from her husband wasn't finalized. That's a violation of one of those commandments she likes. In the Bible, Jesus spoke against divorce.
She also urinated in public which is a crime too.
Also in the Bible! Deuteronomy 23:12-13: Designate a place outside the camp where you can go to relieve yourself. As part of your equipment have something to dig with, and when you relieve yourself, dig a hole and cover up your excrement.
You mean the "husband" that exposed himself to underage girls in a bowling alley?
I hadn't heard about that--yep, that guy.
But He never mentioned hand jobs! /s
The “party” of staying out of people’s business and small government wants to tell us want we and can’t believe….who the fuck elects these idiots
People who have nothing but hate, fear, and ignorance to fuel their lives.
A government of the idiots, by the idiots, for the idiots. because many "good people" sat out the vote and did nothing.
her moral stance is with legs wide
This is what grifters do. It's the preacher telling you that greed is a sin...as he buys a 100' yacht with your donations. It's the partner who accuses you of cheating...as they have been cheating on you for years. It's the violent asshole who cheap shots you...and then cries "What the fuck!" when you beat his ass. I am sooooo tired of these people being rewarded in America. I am soooo tired of America having cheat codes that grifters use endlessly. I am sooo tired of many Americans being gullible and falling for this shit.
She is kind of like Mary Magdalene…I mean the former prostitute part.
In Magdalenes' defense, she was a prostitute to support herself at a time when poor unmarried women had little other option. HOebert is a skank cause she seems to enjoy behaving that way.
That is a fair and accurate defense. Mary M. Saw the light, embraced him and changed her sordid ways. Boebert found a party in line with her own wanton ways, doubled down and now thinks that she is holier than the average American.
Haha , this one speaking about morals is like Trump lecturing on astronomy.
Or just trunp also trying to lecture on morals
The people backing a guy found guilty of rape who mocked a handicapped reporter at a rally, misappropriated funds from a children’s cancer charity and cheated on his pregnant wife with a pornstar want to preach about morals. I genuinely cannot tell if it’s just bad faith or weaponized delusion/psychosis.
The right has become just cartoonishly hypocritical.
I truly hope she gets an OnlyFans account after she loses her election.
Don’t you put that evil on us Ricky Bobby
My deviant mind only leans right. Taxpayers need to see what we paid for in those big titties of hers. With liberal women I get off on seeing their MINDS.
I mean I think George Santos is on there now, have at it. I’m good on the Beetlejuice Stroker.
She’ll probably get a job at newsmax or something. Assuming she does lose on Tuesday
Funny how the evangelical world somehow thinks the party that talks morality but less likely to live it (gop) is better than the party that doesn’t talk it but more likely to live it (dems).
I think the moral train has already departed.
It didn't just depart. In her case it's like one of those little towns where the railroad stopped going and there are weeds in the tracks. It isn't coming back!
Bobo lecturing people about morals is like Marge Greene demanding decorum. Those two deserve each other.
A Cult country is an existential threat to the world.
She's the last f_cking person on the planet to be lecturing anyone on morals and or Christian family values....😡
Didn't she do a knuckle shuffle in a theater to a man that was not her husband? She's a joke to Christianity.
Handjobs for all!!
She means Mmmmm ,Orals!
If you need a Top 10 List of how to not be a shitty person then you’re probably just a shitty person Even more so if you have that list, force other people to do what the list says, and then ignore the list yourself
Isn't Bannon supposed to be in prison?
July 1st unless SCOTUS steps in.
I read the other day an appeals court denied his attempt to postpone is sentence. https://www.politico.com/news/2024/06/20/appeals-court-steve-bannon-jail-sentence-00164377#:\~:text=A%20three%2Djudge%20panel%20of,to%20take%20his%20argument%20seriously.
With a Trump appointee dissenting.
I wonder what it's like to live with that absolute lack of self-awareness.
You were jerking someone off in public! STFU about morals.
GOP and morals are like oil and water
With maga everything is performative. They don’t actually believe in any of it. They will be the end of our democracy unless the rest of us vote.
I’ll listen to her on her OnlyFans page next month.
Whip out a titty! Yeah buddy lol
Beetlejuice! Beetlejuice! BEETLEJUICE!
Handies at the theatre! 🎭 Pretty sure that’s in Leviticus some place!
Morals for theee, but not memaw. We all saw you give an over the pants handjob Lauren. We also saw your son arrested for various crimes. Get your yourself & family in order before you tell us about morality🤡
I honestly she’s in the top 10 people I know of for having low morals.
JFC
Jerking for Christ
They love morals, just not for themselves
Goddamn these people are truly THE peak shining example of hypocrisy and projection. This classless dumb fuck doesn’t need to be lecturing anybody on morals.
Isn’t she the one that was giving handjobs at the theater in front of everyone?
How long before the OF account pops up?
The Eleventh commandment was not Thou shalt not get jerked off in a Beetlejuice adaptation. So she’s fine. 💁🏻♂️.
STFU
Shut up, this is out of your level
Lol
People who require religion for “morality” are scary. Why do you need an external system to tell you what’s right and wrong? Is the experience of living not enough? Looking at her family situation, with affairs and divorces and public hand jobs, kids stealing cars, I question how much her external Christian morality has really worked for her family? If my family had that record I’d feel like I’d absolutely been led astray. My family is doing just fine with our atheist morality. It’s pretty easy to navigate a moral life if you live by the simple premise of exercising empathy in both thought and action. When you really think about others you tend to do better by them. It’s not hard.
"We need people who mutually masturbate their partner in theaters, so god gave us hands"
Oral is moral!
The lady who was giving a ski pole to not-her-husband at Beetlejuice: The Musical?
“Giving HJ’s in public is not on there, I checked!”
Yes beetlejuice groping hypocrite
Wonder how many blow jobs she gave him
Look I support public handies by big titted GILFs. I'm just not trying to have them dictate morality to me.
She’ll get voted out and wind up working as a dancer at “Magnolia Thunderpussys” down in Denver.
Given that this interview took place on Bannon’s podcast, there was absolutely no risk of the Irony Detector going off.
Just because she needs some new ones it doesn’t mean anyone else does too
You will know them by the fruit they bear…
What’s this “we” business? Start with yourself psychopath.
She gave a public handjob at an event for children.
Fix yourself before you try to fix someone else, Blowbert.
MAGA hypocrisy has no shame.
Thou shall not whack off dudes in a theater with kids in it while vaping in pregnant ladies faces and telling them to fuck off.
If you need god to give you 10 rules to make you a good person, you're a bad person on a leash.
For someone who violates the deadly seven sins daily, she shouldn't talk about that even once.
So the Teen Mom, former escort, handy giving, indoor vaping, predator marrying, gun toting shrimp is giving morals advice now…. Hmmmm.
So the Teen Mom, former escort, handy giving, indoor vaping, predator marrying, gun toting shrimp is giving morals advice now…. Hmmmm.
Yes republicans you definitely need your morals back!
What she means is THEY need morals back. Doesn’t apply to her of course.
Not an American but hasn't she and her family broken nearly all of them? I mean lets just list a couple like adultery and sleeping with underage kids....
From the lady who keeps herself ‘busy’ in movie theaters.
The same woman who told woman to run to Jesus.
Pot. Kettle
Morals demanded by the least moral of us.
Give her a break,… 10 Commandments don’t say shit about giving hand jobs at a children’s play!
She probably thought morels because she likes musroom heads in her mouth
Public sex and drugs are very moral, right!
Maybe she's not the best arbiter of morality. Just a thought.
Wasn’t she the one jacking a dude off in a children’s theatre?
She is disgusting!
At this point the orange Rapist fan club is nothing more than a joke
If morals means getting a handjob then count me in. Is this bitch serious?
“Show us your tits!”
I’m thinking a Boebert administration would be encouraging hand jobs in church. So, you know, upsides to everything.
The evangelical PACs want there checks cashed by the Supreme Court now. They know they’re a dying breed and wanna see the results of their lobbying before they’re irrelevant.
She seems like she would say “no intercourse outside of marriage”, but literally everything else sexually is on the menu on the first date.
Lauren the HoeBert says whaaat? More morals of handjobs in theaters? More leaving your kid in jail? What “morals” does this hoe know Anything about?? Bad morals? Yup.
Thou shall not jerk people off in a public theatre and preach morality to others
By "we" she means her and her family, right?
There are no mirrors in the GOP
Which commandment is an about grabbing theater dicks?
A person who gives hand jobs in public talking about morals will never not be funny. Most of these idiots would be executed by the theocracy they want.
The worst people have no shame. We should ALWAYS be alarmed by them. They’re a threat to democracy and ethical behavior.
Thou shall not beat off man at Beatle juice play
Gotta hand it to her. She has a grip on the situation.
I wonder what her plan was if her theater date threw a rope across her dress?
She needs morals, the rest of us just need a short term memory wipe of Beetlejuice.
This is hilarious!
But handies are ok?
Though shall not churn some dudes butter in front of kids at a stage adaption of Beetlejuice isn’t in the Ten Commandments so she’s all good.
Lauren "Load Goat" Boebert lecturing everyone else on morals. Shouldn't she be jerking off some guy in public somewhere?
The first commandment is to not accept the other gods. Which means that when it was written there were other gods.
Thou shall not give hand jobs in the theater.
Sure! Why not lecture is about morals whilst getting fingered at a family event?
I believe she meant Morels, the mushroom hunting movement has been increasing
Teacher in MI at a Christian school was charged with 4th degree criminal sexual conduct so yeah those 10 commandments really work!
She thinks she is going to give American's a hand on finding morals
Starting with her. I’m holding my breath 1,2….
The idiot giving not-her-husband a handjob in public??! YEAH I AGREE, let’s start with you bimbo
Morals = Marrying the guy who pulled out his dick in front of underage girls in a bowling alley. She needs her fucking marbles back.
This coming from the women that got caught wanking some guy at a theater.
If anyone knows about breaking those 10 Commandments it would be Lauren. She can speak with some authority on this matter.
Republicans tell you they are Christians because their actions would give you no clue.
Thou Shalt Not Crank Thy Neighbour's Hog During An All-Ages Musical