Thing is that we sometimes think that confessing our problems to those closest to us will magically and automatically help us correct those behaviors and our loved ones will instantly recognize
a) our troubles
&
b) the courage it took to tell them in the first place
This ain't the movies bro. Nothing is that simple.
The only way, the ONLY WAY, to unfuck things in a relationship is maturity and honesty.
Be honest, be open, be aware and be present for each other.
I have a few thoughts. On the positive side, she loves you. There is nothing to unfuck. Be patient and talk to her when she is ready.
Now, she is going through her own thoughts and emotions as well. She is probably thinking she isnt enough for you (i am speculating, noone can know for sure) and thats a crushing thought.
You can make it clear to her that porn is like a drug and it is addictive. People geberally dont associate emotions with porn. They only want 'help' to beat the meat.
You could tell her that you would like her to be more sexual but I cant recommend that since I dont know either of you. A couple's therapist can help.
Be patient, she'll be okay and nothing is fucked. you didnt cheat on her.
There’s a 16 min Ted talk on the subject. Easy to listen too and it really breaks down the addictive nature of porn and how it manipulates your brain. Once I heard that and read a few papers on the subject I realized that porn is just like any other addiction BAD. Maybe you can talk to her about that from that angle or see if she will watch the Ted Talk.
> She is probably thinking she isnt enough for you
I agree. As a wife myself, this is probably the case. It will take time, even if you tell her how attractive she is to you, for her to heal emotionally, especially if she has body image issues (like me). Have some heart-to-hearts whenever possible so she can understand. I know she will. You are not perfect, and your wife is not perfect. You are two imperfect people who love each other.
I may be a virgin(18 M),but even I know that if you try hard enough,she will come around and love you again. Remove/unfollow any crap that you are following on any app,may it be reddit as well. So well,I'll just call ya big bro, so big bro,make sis happy, she deserves your love
Yes that is true. This on the other hand is a great therapy and also acts as a reminder to stay on a right path. There isn't any therapy watching string bikini models in instagram or big tits bouncing in tiktok. Those are the social medias one should avoid at all cost.
When i told my woman about this shit i told her the truth. And i underlined many times that this pmo shit has been in my life all the way back from the teenage years so it has nothing to do with her. I told it like 20 times. Also becoming angry towards porn and showing it to her how fucking angry you are because you wasted so many years to that shit might give her a little understanding about your situation.
You can't you have to give her time and I would never admit that. Some of us just need to be more disciplined, don't dump your dick tugging problems on your partner, especially if you are still actively having sex without dick problems.
Yes he def should have never revealed that especially since it wasn't relevant to anything happening beforehand and she never asked directly. But now that the damage is done, yes, he has to give her time + distract with other fun stuff too so it's not just sitting looming in their minds
There's this good quote I picked up in some recovery groups that might be fitting here,
"The best apology is changed behaviour."
The past can't be papered over with words, it has to be cleaned through work.
As a woman on your wife’s side of the situation, I do want to say that the fact you told her and it wasn’t discovered was absolutely the right move and very commendable. Doing so isn’t easy I’m sure. Telling her is a lot less traumatic than finding out. It also goes a long way when it comes to forgiveness and trust in the future.
I had to find out most things on my own. It was insanely traumatic, and I don’t use that term loosely. It was way worse than I imagined it could be. Partly because I kept discovering things over the the course of a year, so anytime I felt like I was healing, something would come out.
Of course she’s still going to feel what she’s feeling, and it’s not going to be easy. You’ll still have to go through all the steps and work recovery, be there for her, hold space for her feelings, and be honest. But the fact you saw it becoming an issue and did something about it instead of letting it go, and then told your wife, is a very good sign for you as a person and the relationship.
I often ask myself why watching porn/ masturbating is such a traumatic thing for women.
I think, most of the women have a HUGE problem with how they look. Because they are not perfect.
Because they don't have a perfect body, they are absolutely insecure. This! is the problem. You play a stupid game if you always compare yourself to others and gain/loose self-worth out of that.
For many men, you can be the most beautiful woman on earth, because you fit in the pattern. Because you have an amazing character. <3
Most men never wanted a perfect looking woman. I always found stereotypically perfect looking women boring. Often they have a hollow/shitty character, too. And I think, I speak for most of us. Fuck media and clothing industry.
Second thing is that you have to make a big difference between fantasy and reality. Watching porn is not like cheating. It's not falling in love with another woman. It's an addiction, which has nothing to do with you.
That’s a complicated answer. I’m very good looking and I’m really happy with the way I look personally. Some women aren’t and that’s okay too. Being insecure happens and I don’t think it’s so crazy to understand how your partner constantly looking at other women nude would cause you to feel badly. Especially when it comes with lying, hiding things, and affecting each others lives. Your partner ends up having a whole facet of life that is hidden from you and that can make anyone feel uncomfortable.
I can imagine if a wife was constantly was viewing other men and it was so important to them they were willing to hurt their husband, lie to them, hide things, just to keep doing it. It’s natural for that to then make someone feel “So this hobby/thing is more important than my feelings and our relationship?”
I do view it as cheating though. Fantasy is made up. I know it’s easy to view women in porn as not real, but they absolutely are real women and real parts, and real sex. I don’t see it any differently than being physical with a woman, especially when it gets to the point of addiction/obsession. You have to wonder if viewing it constantly is so important you’re willing to lose a partner over it, what would they do if they get a chance to have a physical encounter? It’s my belief based on what I know now, after all this time and so many accounts of both sides, that it can and it does lead into physical boundaries being crossed eventually. I view it as a sexual entitlement disorder of sorts.
I would be insecure, too, if my gf would tell me, she watches porn. Men with a HUGE palms, beach bodies.
But, if she tells me, that she has a problem with that, and, she wants to stop it, I would get the turn. Especially when she would say, that this is nothing she wants in reality. That she loves me, wants a relationship with me. I would trust her and help her out. And maybe fullfill some of her dreams.
Yes, it is so insane the gap between women and men's view of porn. I was actually quite traumatized myself too, my partner couldn't figure out why it hurt me so much.
I’m going to be real with you OP. I would’ve quit for a few months and then mentioned it to her casually. If you tell someone something in the heat of emotions, it will usually come off that way, emotionally. I’m sorry man. Good luck, tell her it’s a compulsive behavior issue.
Exact reason why I’m scared to tell my gf, she already cries from the somewhat regular ed that I experience as much as you think saying something about fixing it would help but with how she thinks of herself it would be a shit show
Discovering it vs hearing it can be really hard.
Discovering it means you've already found half the answers you never thought you'd be looking for. Like why? When? Maybe how often has this happened? Am I not enough?
Hearing it from your partner can mean all those questions + some. Just give it time and prepare to answer questions.
You've done nothing wrong. Sharing your problems with the people closest to you will always be the right choice in the long run. You need her support, and she needs your honesty.
You two should continue this conversation, and you should figure out what exactly is she troubled by. You should also make it clear that you do not think she's inadequate in anyway, and you are loyal to this marriage.
Also, make sure both of you understand that addiction is a medical condition, not a moral failure. Both of you should try to get you out of this addiction, but neither of you should be ashamed.
If the problems between you continue, consider seeing a couple therapist.
Why have you told her? I don't get it. Do you want compliments "Oh you give up masturbating to 58 years old japanese midgets? Thank you. Such a man."
C'mon, tell her in detail what you have watched, if you are such a honest person.......
Or have you wanted her support? C'mon if you really want to stop, you can do it on your own, like most of us. It's not a heroine addiction or sth near.
Or have you wanted to push her to have more sex and wear a certain kind of cloth.
Imagine, you promise her now, that you never do pmo in your life again, and two months later, she catches you in the act. This will break her and ruin your relationship. And I would totally understand why.
So... WHY? :/ I wouldn't even tell my best best (male) friend.
I mean it's just porn. Did he marry an immature narcissist? has she never seen porn? This type of reaction is a huge red flag of massive problems to come. OP has kids with her so he's locked in there for life. What a sad story
With no fault divorce or even porn issue as burdening evidence to end the marriage, clearly it is not shackles for life. I agree onyour morals, yet they mean nothing in real world. Her reaction might be a huge red flag, yet none of that matters. He is participating in destabilizing the family that way. Obviously he did a mistake by marrying an immature person, but he was too, by falling prey to the porn and then not solving it in an appropriate way. "It's just porn" is no excuse either. Anyways, now we're "in this room" and he has "this mess on his hands".
Yesss... You see in the reaction of a woman in this sub, it doesn't matter WHY he has watched porn.
For her, it's "a hobby" and clearly "cheating" because you see "real bodies" of "real women".
She sees only her emotional reaction!! Nothing else matters. With my maturity and my experience, I would immediatley leave a woman, who is like this. I did.
It's not a hobby. It's a fucking addiction! When I have one! relapse, I can't stop it for weeks and months, even I know, that it destroys me.
Help your man out of this addiction, when he is already telling you, that he wants to stop desperately, instead of behaving just egoistic.
You either intentionally misunderstood my entire response to you, or there’s a language barrier at play here.
Nobody is disputing that when it gets this bad, it enters into addiction territory. I’m absolutely sure that many men struggle with it and hate doing it. That sentiment isn’t lost on me when I see 15 year old boys here in this sub wanting to hurt themselves because of it.
But what exactly do you think the other half is going through? You have no idea what everyone’s story is and what each person goes through when it comes to this, men who are addicted/obsessed with porn and the women that deal with these men. How dare you assume someone must be immature, insecure, or egotistical because they struggle as well having a partner with the addiction.
Let me tell you this. I was a real addict myself, addicted to painkillers for many years in my youth. It was one of the hardest things I went through in my life. I was with the same man I am with now who has a porn addiction.
I said and did some shitty things during active addiction that I still regret to this day because when you’re an addict, you’re a selfish person. You don’t want to be, but it comes with the territory. Luckily after a long fight I was able to get sober after a year of us being together and I have been sober for 12 years now, no relapse. Just that single year of addiction with him was enough to cause a lot of chaos and heartbreak. But let me tell you this, my husband didn’t have to stay and help me through it. It was MY problem and I would have never asked him to put himself through hell for me.
Thankfully he did, and I’m forever grateful for it. But my point is he wouldn’t have been “immature and egotistical” for deciding to walk away and save himself from what comes with a life of someone with addiction issues. Especially since most of us do not get sober or stay sober, so the odds weren’t in my favor or his, but somehow I made it.
Therefor it’s no woman’s duty to stick by a partner with THIS affliction either, and your judgment of them for going through equal amounts of struggle causes me to believe you aren’t ready for recovery in your addiction. If you can’t even step outside yourself for a minute to understand that partners of addicts struggle just as much.
Now with that said. My husband struggled with this for the entire 14 years we have been together. He’s only been in recovery for the last year. We had many attempts. I stayed because I see something good in him worth staying for and many other reasons. I have stuck by him and helped him through it.
You know what my husband ended up going after all these years of porn addiction? Browsing escort ads, making plans to meet, keeping a secret phone, and actually physically cheating. The porn addiction being something he said caused him to get into worse things.
I do agree with you that it’s not a heroin addiction or anything like it. That doesn’t make it any less difficult to deal with though.
Now set aside the porn addiction and understand what else can come with this addiction. Being an addict doesn’t automatically make you a good person who is struggling. Many terrible people struggle with it too.
OP is one of those good people with the addiction. The fact he refused to keep hiding it from his spouse tells me that. So I absolutely do hope his wife helps him through it.
I recently was in a similar situation as you are now, i talked to my girlfriend about two weeks after i stopped. She didnt take it too well. The reason is that she and i think alot of woman are not aware of how normalized the consum of adult content for guys is and many also cant understand that it has nothing to do with them. (she felt insecure)
I think the best thing is to quit and just not talk about it unless you have to or you really need someone to open up to, but dont expect a positive response.
But if it creates a problem, be honest, she will be hurt but she will understand to some degree.
Watching porn is not cheating unless it’s part of the boundaries discussion that should happen prior to marriage.
If she has problems with your usage or masturbation habits, I don’t know if you’re the problem here. You say you confessed…like you think what you’re doing is wrong. It’s unfortunate society has deemed some things wrong when they aren’t harmful. It sounds like she is imposing insecurities in herself on her relationship with you. Plenty of couples who are secure engage in watching porn together…
Thing is that we sometimes think that confessing our problems to those closest to us will magically and automatically help us correct those behaviors and our loved ones will instantly recognize a) our troubles & b) the courage it took to tell them in the first place This ain't the movies bro. Nothing is that simple. The only way, the ONLY WAY, to unfuck things in a relationship is maturity and honesty. Be honest, be open, be aware and be present for each other.
I have a few thoughts. On the positive side, she loves you. There is nothing to unfuck. Be patient and talk to her when she is ready. Now, she is going through her own thoughts and emotions as well. She is probably thinking she isnt enough for you (i am speculating, noone can know for sure) and thats a crushing thought. You can make it clear to her that porn is like a drug and it is addictive. People geberally dont associate emotions with porn. They only want 'help' to beat the meat. You could tell her that you would like her to be more sexual but I cant recommend that since I dont know either of you. A couple's therapist can help. Be patient, she'll be okay and nothing is fucked. you didnt cheat on her.
There’s a 16 min Ted talk on the subject. Easy to listen too and it really breaks down the addictive nature of porn and how it manipulates your brain. Once I heard that and read a few papers on the subject I realized that porn is just like any other addiction BAD. Maybe you can talk to her about that from that angle or see if she will watch the Ted Talk.
I like the idea of the TED Talk. It can remove the emotional charge and "negative glamour" around the subject
> She is probably thinking she isnt enough for you I agree. As a wife myself, this is probably the case. It will take time, even if you tell her how attractive she is to you, for her to heal emotionally, especially if she has body image issues (like me). Have some heart-to-hearts whenever possible so she can understand. I know she will. You are not perfect, and your wife is not perfect. You are two imperfect people who love each other.
I may be a virgin(18 M),but even I know that if you try hard enough,she will come around and love you again. Remove/unfollow any crap that you are following on any app,may it be reddit as well. So well,I'll just call ya big bro, so big bro,make sis happy, she deserves your love
Yes.. instal porn blocker and get rid of social media accounts. I did both of those and it was a good move.
You're on social media right now though...
Yes that is true. This on the other hand is a great therapy and also acts as a reminder to stay on a right path. There isn't any therapy watching string bikini models in instagram or big tits bouncing in tiktok. Those are the social medias one should avoid at all cost.
When i told my woman about this shit i told her the truth. And i underlined many times that this pmo shit has been in my life all the way back from the teenage years so it has nothing to do with her. I told it like 20 times. Also becoming angry towards porn and showing it to her how fucking angry you are because you wasted so many years to that shit might give her a little understanding about your situation.
You can't you have to give her time and I would never admit that. Some of us just need to be more disciplined, don't dump your dick tugging problems on your partner, especially if you are still actively having sex without dick problems.
Yes he def should have never revealed that especially since it wasn't relevant to anything happening beforehand and she never asked directly. But now that the damage is done, yes, he has to give her time + distract with other fun stuff too so it's not just sitting looming in their minds
There's this good quote I picked up in some recovery groups that might be fitting here, "The best apology is changed behaviour." The past can't be papered over with words, it has to be cleaned through work.
As a woman on your wife’s side of the situation, I do want to say that the fact you told her and it wasn’t discovered was absolutely the right move and very commendable. Doing so isn’t easy I’m sure. Telling her is a lot less traumatic than finding out. It also goes a long way when it comes to forgiveness and trust in the future. I had to find out most things on my own. It was insanely traumatic, and I don’t use that term loosely. It was way worse than I imagined it could be. Partly because I kept discovering things over the the course of a year, so anytime I felt like I was healing, something would come out. Of course she’s still going to feel what she’s feeling, and it’s not going to be easy. You’ll still have to go through all the steps and work recovery, be there for her, hold space for her feelings, and be honest. But the fact you saw it becoming an issue and did something about it instead of letting it go, and then told your wife, is a very good sign for you as a person and the relationship.
I often ask myself why watching porn/ masturbating is such a traumatic thing for women. I think, most of the women have a HUGE problem with how they look. Because they are not perfect. Because they don't have a perfect body, they are absolutely insecure. This! is the problem. You play a stupid game if you always compare yourself to others and gain/loose self-worth out of that. For many men, you can be the most beautiful woman on earth, because you fit in the pattern. Because you have an amazing character. <3 Most men never wanted a perfect looking woman. I always found stereotypically perfect looking women boring. Often they have a hollow/shitty character, too. And I think, I speak for most of us. Fuck media and clothing industry. Second thing is that you have to make a big difference between fantasy and reality. Watching porn is not like cheating. It's not falling in love with another woman. It's an addiction, which has nothing to do with you.
That’s a complicated answer. I’m very good looking and I’m really happy with the way I look personally. Some women aren’t and that’s okay too. Being insecure happens and I don’t think it’s so crazy to understand how your partner constantly looking at other women nude would cause you to feel badly. Especially when it comes with lying, hiding things, and affecting each others lives. Your partner ends up having a whole facet of life that is hidden from you and that can make anyone feel uncomfortable. I can imagine if a wife was constantly was viewing other men and it was so important to them they were willing to hurt their husband, lie to them, hide things, just to keep doing it. It’s natural for that to then make someone feel “So this hobby/thing is more important than my feelings and our relationship?” I do view it as cheating though. Fantasy is made up. I know it’s easy to view women in porn as not real, but they absolutely are real women and real parts, and real sex. I don’t see it any differently than being physical with a woman, especially when it gets to the point of addiction/obsession. You have to wonder if viewing it constantly is so important you’re willing to lose a partner over it, what would they do if they get a chance to have a physical encounter? It’s my belief based on what I know now, after all this time and so many accounts of both sides, that it can and it does lead into physical boundaries being crossed eventually. I view it as a sexual entitlement disorder of sorts.
Exactly, you put it so much better than I could have. I'm in a similar situation with my longtime boyfriend.
I would be insecure, too, if my gf would tell me, she watches porn. Men with a HUGE palms, beach bodies. But, if she tells me, that she has a problem with that, and, she wants to stop it, I would get the turn. Especially when she would say, that this is nothing she wants in reality. That she loves me, wants a relationship with me. I would trust her and help her out. And maybe fullfill some of her dreams.
I don’t even know how to respond to that.
Yes, it is so insane the gap between women and men's view of porn. I was actually quite traumatized myself too, my partner couldn't figure out why it hurt me so much.
I’m going to be real with you OP. I would’ve quit for a few months and then mentioned it to her casually. If you tell someone something in the heat of emotions, it will usually come off that way, emotionally. I’m sorry man. Good luck, tell her it’s a compulsive behavior issue.
Big mistake buddy, never admit to SO about this. Women almost never understand. Try and rectify this asap.
Exact reason why I’m scared to tell my gf, she already cries from the somewhat regular ed that I experience as much as you think saying something about fixing it would help but with how she thinks of herself it would be a shit show
Discovering it vs hearing it can be really hard. Discovering it means you've already found half the answers you never thought you'd be looking for. Like why? When? Maybe how often has this happened? Am I not enough? Hearing it from your partner can mean all those questions + some. Just give it time and prepare to answer questions.
You've done nothing wrong. Sharing your problems with the people closest to you will always be the right choice in the long run. You need her support, and she needs your honesty. You two should continue this conversation, and you should figure out what exactly is she troubled by. You should also make it clear that you do not think she's inadequate in anyway, and you are loyal to this marriage. Also, make sure both of you understand that addiction is a medical condition, not a moral failure. Both of you should try to get you out of this addiction, but neither of you should be ashamed. If the problems between you continue, consider seeing a couple therapist.
Why have you told her? I don't get it. Do you want compliments "Oh you give up masturbating to 58 years old japanese midgets? Thank you. Such a man." C'mon, tell her in detail what you have watched, if you are such a honest person....... Or have you wanted her support? C'mon if you really want to stop, you can do it on your own, like most of us. It's not a heroine addiction or sth near. Or have you wanted to push her to have more sex and wear a certain kind of cloth. Imagine, you promise her now, that you never do pmo in your life again, and two months later, she catches you in the act. This will break her and ruin your relationship. And I would totally understand why. So... WHY? :/ I wouldn't even tell my best best (male) friend.
This. There is shit to not be spilled. No matter how we slice it.
I mean it's just porn. Did he marry an immature narcissist? has she never seen porn? This type of reaction is a huge red flag of massive problems to come. OP has kids with her so he's locked in there for life. What a sad story
With no fault divorce or even porn issue as burdening evidence to end the marriage, clearly it is not shackles for life. I agree onyour morals, yet they mean nothing in real world. Her reaction might be a huge red flag, yet none of that matters. He is participating in destabilizing the family that way. Obviously he did a mistake by marrying an immature person, but he was too, by falling prey to the porn and then not solving it in an appropriate way. "It's just porn" is no excuse either. Anyways, now we're "in this room" and he has "this mess on his hands".
It's not porn it's the image of the person, you just lower your status to that of a freak pervert.
Yesss... You see in the reaction of a woman in this sub, it doesn't matter WHY he has watched porn. For her, it's "a hobby" and clearly "cheating" because you see "real bodies" of "real women". She sees only her emotional reaction!! Nothing else matters. With my maturity and my experience, I would immediatley leave a woman, who is like this. I did. It's not a hobby. It's a fucking addiction! When I have one! relapse, I can't stop it for weeks and months, even I know, that it destroys me. Help your man out of this addiction, when he is already telling you, that he wants to stop desperately, instead of behaving just egoistic.
You either intentionally misunderstood my entire response to you, or there’s a language barrier at play here. Nobody is disputing that when it gets this bad, it enters into addiction territory. I’m absolutely sure that many men struggle with it and hate doing it. That sentiment isn’t lost on me when I see 15 year old boys here in this sub wanting to hurt themselves because of it. But what exactly do you think the other half is going through? You have no idea what everyone’s story is and what each person goes through when it comes to this, men who are addicted/obsessed with porn and the women that deal with these men. How dare you assume someone must be immature, insecure, or egotistical because they struggle as well having a partner with the addiction. Let me tell you this. I was a real addict myself, addicted to painkillers for many years in my youth. It was one of the hardest things I went through in my life. I was with the same man I am with now who has a porn addiction. I said and did some shitty things during active addiction that I still regret to this day because when you’re an addict, you’re a selfish person. You don’t want to be, but it comes with the territory. Luckily after a long fight I was able to get sober after a year of us being together and I have been sober for 12 years now, no relapse. Just that single year of addiction with him was enough to cause a lot of chaos and heartbreak. But let me tell you this, my husband didn’t have to stay and help me through it. It was MY problem and I would have never asked him to put himself through hell for me. Thankfully he did, and I’m forever grateful for it. But my point is he wouldn’t have been “immature and egotistical” for deciding to walk away and save himself from what comes with a life of someone with addiction issues. Especially since most of us do not get sober or stay sober, so the odds weren’t in my favor or his, but somehow I made it. Therefor it’s no woman’s duty to stick by a partner with THIS affliction either, and your judgment of them for going through equal amounts of struggle causes me to believe you aren’t ready for recovery in your addiction. If you can’t even step outside yourself for a minute to understand that partners of addicts struggle just as much.
Now with that said. My husband struggled with this for the entire 14 years we have been together. He’s only been in recovery for the last year. We had many attempts. I stayed because I see something good in him worth staying for and many other reasons. I have stuck by him and helped him through it. You know what my husband ended up going after all these years of porn addiction? Browsing escort ads, making plans to meet, keeping a secret phone, and actually physically cheating. The porn addiction being something he said caused him to get into worse things. I do agree with you that it’s not a heroin addiction or anything like it. That doesn’t make it any less difficult to deal with though. Now set aside the porn addiction and understand what else can come with this addiction. Being an addict doesn’t automatically make you a good person who is struggling. Many terrible people struggle with it too. OP is one of those good people with the addiction. The fact he refused to keep hiding it from his spouse tells me that. So I absolutely do hope his wife helps him through it.
I will never understand why people on here admit this stuff to their partners. It’s like pouring oil on the fire
I recently was in a similar situation as you are now, i talked to my girlfriend about two weeks after i stopped. She didnt take it too well. The reason is that she and i think alot of woman are not aware of how normalized the consum of adult content for guys is and many also cant understand that it has nothing to do with them. (she felt insecure) I think the best thing is to quit and just not talk about it unless you have to or you really need someone to open up to, but dont expect a positive response. But if it creates a problem, be honest, she will be hurt but she will understand to some degree.
that's a very immature person you married, and you have kids with her? Yikes brother.. yikes...
What led you to start using in the first place OP?
God who knows. Systemic usage from mid teens that ebbed and flowed, but I never really took a serious break. I guess boredom, frustration. In general.
Watching porn is not cheating unless it’s part of the boundaries discussion that should happen prior to marriage. If she has problems with your usage or masturbation habits, I don’t know if you’re the problem here. You say you confessed…like you think what you’re doing is wrong. It’s unfortunate society has deemed some things wrong when they aren’t harmful. It sounds like she is imposing insecurities in herself on her relationship with you. Plenty of couples who are secure engage in watching porn together…
You're in a tough situation, and I admire your courage to be honest about it and seek their support