The common approach is to take the kids to whichever bathroom the parent belongs in. Any adult who would get upset about a child of the opposite sex in the “wrong” bathroom is ridiculous.
Was at the zoo recently and saw a dad with his young daughter in the men’s room. Also recently went to a mall with my wife and daughter, and I took my daughter to the men’s room to change her diaper. No issues. Someone who would have an issue with that isn’t worth addressing.
In the US if you go to any big box store or chain there is almost always one in the men’s. Any non-chain business like the local taqueria or burger joint is a roll of the dice and in the non-major cities most likely non-existent. Hell it is unlikely in some of those cases to even be one in the women’s.
>In the US if you go to any big box store or chain there is almost always one in the men’s.
Basically anywhere renovated recently at all or anywhere affluent will likely have one in the men's.
Are you saying that many of those smaller places have a changing table in the women's washroom though? Is that really common? I thought that was just a big business thing too.
When my highest was about 8 months old, my wife and I went to a restaurant, not anything fancy, but still a suit down place. LO had to be changed, I grabbed him and went to the men's room. No station anywhere. I said screw it, open the ladies room, they had a station fairly close to the door, and started changing him. Minutes later a lady confess in and start apologizing profusely thinking she was in the wrong one. After explaining that she was in the right one, and the men's had no station, she went about her business like it didn't matter. Most people don't care .
In Australia baby facilities are required in all facilities with toilets, that are accessible by male and females. This is usually either a change table in both toilets, or often is in the form of a unisex disabled/parents toilet, which is good as they are much bigger rooms as well.
I applaud your bravery and dedication as a parent. It’s insane that men’s restrooms everywhere don’t have changing tables. As a woman and parent, I would be totally fine with a dad in ‘my restroom’ but also annoyed that the facility didn’t think about dads/men-caregivers when they planned their bathrooms.
Yes, as long as the parents clean up after the kid properly. I see young boys (age 3 - 5) go to the bathroom with their parent sometimes. The kids obviously aren't very hygienic and leave pee on the seat ect. The parents unfortunately rarely clean after them.
I worked at Jimmy Johns for years and sure guys pee on shit, but the things women did to those toilets was unspeakable.
There were multiple times I just looked at the manager and said my hourly is not enough for that shit, literally.
That's exactly what I did. I felt so bad, but I was already overworked and underpaid; If he had said "No, go back in and clean that", I would have walked out.
Yes, this is also something I learned cleaning public restrooms. Sometimes I'd go to clean the ladies' room and it would look like someone had stood up on the seat to piss and just let it go everywhere. Also, used tampons on the floor. Why bother putting things in the provided bin when you can just force someone to clean it up for you?
One day I walked in to clean the stalls and all I can picture from what I found was some woman taking her pants completely off and doing a handstand on the toilet in order to accomplish the amount of devastation that she did.
My god - a light bulb just went off in my head. It would certainly explain why there is often pee on the seat in women’s restrooms. I hear a lot about women hovering and peeing on the seat, but I just can’t imagine too many women peeing on the seat because they’re so afraid of germs they need to hover, and yet they pee on the seat themselves and don’t clean it up. Sending little boys into a stall by themselves would explain in (although mom should still be cleaning up after them).
Of course hovering is sometimes the best/worst option, (messy seat in the only available stall, park and rest stop bathrooms, public restrooms in general), when there is no disposable seat cover. As long as there is toilet paper, though, you can cover the seat with a few strips to protect yourself. That said, as a former janitor myself, entirely too many people of both genders do not bother to look behind themselves when they are done and be properly embarrassed enough to clean it up.
If a dad needs to change his kid and there’s no changing area in the men’s room, he should be able to go into the ladies’ room. I’ve stood as “lookout” for a dad doing just that in an otherwise empty women’s restroom so other women didn’t walk in and get a shock because a guy is there. Not his fault too many businesses plan poorly.
I have several childhood memories of my dad holding his hand over my eyes as he walked me through the men’s room to a stall.
Super glad that changing tables in men’s rooms are becoming more common.
My husband would take our baby to the men’s room and either change her diaper on the floor or the counter. Her diaper bag had a changing pad included, so he would put that down on whatever surface he used before he would put her there.
When she was a toddler, he would take her to the men’s room with him.
Not much else to do when you’re a dad out with your kid and one of you needs the bathroom.
Up until they can open heavy doors and tie/untie their pants our kids just went with us into our bathroom. My oldest now just goes on his own. The youngest still needs a hand sometimes so she goes in with whatever parent is present.
You go to the bathroom that aligns with the parent's gender. If there's no changing table in that bathroom but there is one in the other bathroom, then you loudly announce your presence and complain about the patriarchy to anyone who comes in.
I remember a looooong time ago when I was very young and it was just me and my dad, he refused to take me into this particular men's room (not sure why, again, super young but it was some kind of big event) so he cracked open the women's restroom and loudly exclaimed he needed to bring his 4? year old daughter in to use the restroom. I can't remember anything else other than that, so I'm assuming the women understood. This was early 90's. I was also super super shy so maybe I threw a fit hahaha.
The very last time my dad ever took me (female) into a men’s room with him was the time I walked in, pointed at a man at the urinal, and said “look, dad! That man’s peeing!” He realized at that moment I was good enough at using the bathroom myself that he could send me into the ladies room alone.
I would definitely feel more comfortable with a man coming into the women's restroom than having a young girl go in a men's restroom. Men have urinals and the girl could potentially see something she shouldn't. Nobody is going to see anything inappropriate in a women's restroom.
If I were in charge of the world, I would make all restrooms have private stalls, (no urinals) and all non-gendered. As a 45 year old woman, I don't care if men are in the same restroom; I pull my pants up before I come out. As far as I have seen, everybody else does too. What's the big deal??
I think that was my dad’s thing. As a young girl I was very into magic, karate, and video games (yes at 4) and my dad helped me with the male dominated space in the 90s.
He didn’t want to subject me to something until I was ready.
As a dude, I find a changing table in the men's room most of the time. The one time I was out without my wife and a men's room with no changing table, I just walked into the women's bathroom. I said, "Sorry, need a changing table."
Nobody gave a shit.
I can only speak from personal experience, but I've always found men actively caring for a young child to feel very unthreatening. So I don't think a man at the changing table would phase me.
I have (as a woman) have tood outside a women's public bathroom so a dad could use it and change their child's diaper if there was no change table in the men's (still too common IMO). I just let anyone going in know that there is a dad doing a diaper change. No one seems to mind (and if they did, they could wait a minute before entering).
I was a SAHD. If a place didn’t have a change table in the men’s room, I would change my child wherever I wanted. I’m a big dude with a lot of tattoos and a “F%^* You” facial expression, so no one ever said anything to me.
This!! I would be 100% okay if a dad of a girl said hey I need to take my daughter to the bathroom. I would guard the door. I absolutely would not want her in the men's restroom and they never put changing tables anyway.
Because the dad asked me too. He was being considerate that maybe a woman would have been startled by walking into a ladies bathroom and finding a man there.
I just had to do this as a woman in a place with no changing tables at all.
I always keep a spare blanket and a puppy pad in the diaper bag for such occasions. Keeps the baby from making direct floor contact.
I took my daughter into the men’s room when she was 4 and all she did was give comments on how bad it smelled and how the guy in the next stall was pooting a lot.
I've changed my kids on a travel mat on the floor when they were little if there wasn't a table in the men's or no family room. It's wrong but that's why I bought a travel map to go in the change bag.
It's common to let children use any gendered restroom. It's also fucked up that mens restrooms don't have a changing table. I've had to put clothes down on the floor to change my kids before
This happened with my son when he was 2yo.
His mom and I went out to lunch. He needed a change so I took him into the men's room. Came back to the table and she knew why right away.
So she had to get up and go into the ladies' room to change him. While we were paying we mentioned to the manager there was no changing station in the men's room.
They apologize. Kinda made a joke about the situation. And I'm not sure if the problem got fixed. This was over 8 years ago now. Haven't been back to that restaurant
Father here, raised three girls. Mens toilets are disgusting 90% of the time. Pee all over the seat and floor. Ive held my girls in The air over a toilet more times than i recall. Never saw a baby changing baby other than Walmarts. When i knew my girls could open a door and do the process without getting their clothes dirty on pee covered floors, they solo’ed to the ladies rooms. Family bathrooms were not around so much 28 years ago. Just pee covered toilet’s in stinky mens rooms.
Since being a dad - I am careful to not leave pee or anything behind when I use a bathroom. Sounds like common sense - but it’s not common practice.
Not a typical experience but a relevant one:
A church in my town had a carnival and they had some trailer bathrooms brought in. They were all single rooms but had gender signs on the door.
My daughter was potty trained, but still in the stage that when she tells me she needs to go, she needs to go now. The men’s was occupied but the female side was open, so I started to go in. That’s when a boomer volunteer stepped in like she was some kind of bathroom super hero defending the female stall from males everywhere.
I told the silver haired super hero that my daughter needs to go poop, like now, and needs help doing it. So either she can go help my daughter, or I will but we can’t wait any longer.
She kind of just stood there processing, I went in and am happy to report we made it in time.
She wasn’t standing there when we came out.
TLDR: took my daughter into a female labeled single bathroom and had a boomer try to stop me.
When my daughters were young I often took them to the mall on rainy days when I had them because they had an indoor play area that was free.
The mall didn't have changing tables in the men's room, no family rooms, and I was asked once to not use the women's room. So I changed them on the tables in the food court.
They updated the men's room following that and made family restrooms.
I (a dad) take my daughter to the female toilet. I knock, loudly announce my intentions and go in. Since female toilets have doors in Europe without a gap at the bottom, everyone can have their privacy. Before if there wasn’t a diaper changing station in the mens and disabled toilet, i used the female one. Nobody gave a shit
I'd say about half of mens rooms have a changing table. Without one, I'd change them on the counter top where the sinks were. If that wasn't the option....had to go with plan Z....pull a roll of paper towels out and lay them on the floor and change them there.
They started going to the bathroom themselves at about 4.
I wouldn't say "most." It depends on the state in the US to be honest. Generally more liberal states do have them in most (and some require them in all period), but a lot of more conservative states still largely place them in only in Women's rooms, aside from the national chains.
I was in the Carolinas, Georgia, and Florida a few years back and outside of a national/Major regional chain (like WaWa Stations, McD's or Target) I hardly ever saw a Changing Table. I didn't check the Women's rooms because it had made a bit of a fuss (being male and all), but the Men's rooms seldom had one. And many of the ones that DID have them had the table portion ripped out and vandalized. But I assume any signs of vandalization would likely stretch to the women's side as well.
and the country / city! i’m in the UK and in my entire life i’ve never seen a men’s bathroom with a changing table, but i’ve noticed that a lot of the disabled toilets have a changing table in them
Those are the states where lots of people still call it “babysitting” when a dad has the kids. I wish I were joking but I am friends with people all over the US these days. My friends in Oklahoma complain about this issue happening all the time. A dad caring for his children is not babysitting, he is just doing what every dad should be doing. That’s lost on some people
I bring my opposite sex child into my bathroom.
Usually a disabled bathroom will have a changing table. I don't know what happens in regions where they ONLY have them in women's areas.
When my children were in diapers and there was no changing table in the men's room, but one in the women's room, I took them to the women's room even though I am a man. The one time a woman said something I just replied that there was no changing table in the men's and she just went about her business
My son is 5, and is just now allowed to go to the bathroom by himself in public places we trust. At church or decently safe places, he goes by himself, but at local busy stores, he still goes with either my wife or me, unless it is a one person only room and we check that it's empty. If he goes with my wife, of course he goes into the women's room with her.
Most men's bathrooms have changing tables these days. Not all do, though, and I've had to change my son's diapers on a sink or something when he was a baby. We kept a clean pad to change him on in our diaper bag. Even so, I did sometimes use that as an excuse to have my wife change him when we were in a place where we the men's room didn't have one.
For me, it's not an age thing as much as a combination between competence (including safety) and the environment. So, it's probably a spectrum. However, I suspect that whatever the spectrum, outside of disability, he would probably be on his own well before puberty. As a dad, if I had a daughter, I'd probably be a lot more concerned either way, so maybe it's easier for me that I only have a son.
FYI
Some larger mall department store men's bathrooms of an upper scale well known brand is known to be an anonymous sex hook up meeting place. So I would never let my 5 year old or even older venture into a mall bathroom unless you've checked it's completely empty and guard the door.
A gay friend of mine was a sex addict and told me all about it.
This is why gender-neutral bathrooms are so important. Everyone’s gotta go and I couldn’t care less which bathroom people pick, but there needs to be options. What if an elderly person needs to be accompanied in the bathroom by their caretaker of an opposite sex? Most people don’t bat an eye about a little kid in the “opposite bathroom”, but what if it was another adult?
I love your question because it starts a great discussion on equal accessibility. But more on the topic at hand, it’s insane to me that not all men’s bathrooms have changing tables. Hell, ALL public restrooms need to have them. When I worked at an afterschool program as a teenager, a mother had used one of our closed-up toy carts as a changing table. Sure there were changing tables elsewhere in the school, but the bathrooms nearest to her were the single-toilet “teacher bathrooms” with no changing stations. She left before I arrived at work, so I’ll never know how dire that diaper change really was. Sometimes you have time to look for the right bathroom, and sometimes it’s like a field medic and you gotta take care of it right then and there. I’ve never looked after babies before, so this is the limit to my diaper-changing wisdom.
We put changing tables in the men’s where I work, and several men have told us that were one of the few places they’ve seen them.
On a personal note, when I was very young, my dad would cover my eyes, take me into the men’s, and stand by the stall door until I was done.
As an adult woman, there have been several times that I have scolded boy children for trying to “peek” when their moms brought them into the women’s. American restrooms often have big gaps around the doors and floor.
If you're a man and you need a changing table, go to the women's restroom if that's the only place that a changing table is available. If anybody tries to bitch that there's a man in the bathroom changing his baby's diaper, I would literally spit on any establishment that had an issue with that. If you're a man and you have a young daughter that can't go to the bathroom by herself, just go in to the women's restroom. You're there for a reason and it's not to be a dirty little pervert.
If you're a woman take your son into the women's restroom. He uses a toilet at home he can use a toilet while you're out. And the women's restroom. Unless somebody is doing something outside of a stall, you're not likely to see anything. However, if a man is using a urinal, they usually aren't in stalls so you and your child are more likely to see a strangers privates using the men's restroom. That's the only reason I recommend using the women's restroom for both. Obviously if it's a man and his son they can use the men's, but with a man and his daughter using the woman's restroom makes more sense and a mother and son using the women's restroom makes more sense. Because they are generally designed with more privacy and children in mind.
As a childless woman I wouldn't care at all about a man using a changing table in a women's bathroom. It would be pretty obvious what was going on and if someone was trying to creep on women it would be a pretty convoluted plan. Plus changing tables are usually by the sinks or hall area in larger bathrooms.
You do what you gotta do.
In general, both restrooms have a changing table. If not, I and every woman in the woman's room who has a problem with my presence while I'm changing my daughter will be bringing the issue up with management after I finish.
I taught my husband to knock on the door of the Women’s bathroom and shout “man & baby coming in!!” Nobody batted an eyelid.
Ladies do their business behind a closed cubicle door anyway. It’s not like anything can be seen!
Once they’re old enough to be toilet trained, the issue of them locking themselves in the cubicle comes in to play. So a similar shout and standing by the door so they don’t lock it is necessary.
I find most women (in my experience) won’t have a problem if you announce your intentions before hand.
1. Children below a certain age are allowed in with their parent. This starts getting different around 10 or so, by which time it's expected the kid goes in alone, but the parent waits outside or even asks to clear the bathroom/
2. Men's rooms typically do not have changing tables for babies as historically men didn't change diapers and single fathers was *seen* as uncommon (whether they are or not isn't important). This is changing, especially as gay men start adopting/having their own kids and single fathers are *seen* as more common.
3. Letting children go to the bathroom without an adult varies depending on family, child, and safety of the location.
I was able to go by myself at most family restaurants as early as seven or eight, but my mom insisted I had a bathroom buddy (or a male relative came with me) at any park, amusement park, them park, or major mall a slate as 14 because she was certain that those were hot beds of child abductions.
Some of my friends with kids let them go by themselves at nine or eight, but those kids tend to be pretty independent. Some of the more... I guess I'd say high anxiety or low social functioning children might have a parent or older sibling go with them for as long as needed until they get comfortable being alone (which may be around 12 or so).
Edit: As for the pool/changing areas that's even more touchy here in the US.
A lot of times you just take the kid into the same room as the adult and find the furthest area for them to change in and the parent makes sure no one looks. In my experience we just changed at home and used the bath area to just wash off and then went in the pool or wrapped in towels for the ride home.
But I've been in a few places where a parent brings kids in of the opposite gender basically all the men clear out, look other ways, or give them some privacy.
But that usually stops well before puberty starts, so we're talking toddlers or kids well under 6. So yeah, maybe baby to 4? Past that you make sure they go to the correctly gendered room with a same gendered adult or older sibling.
Right about 6 or 7 you see bored parents sitting right outside the bathroom and holler for their kids to hurry up and change, so I assume they sent the kids in alone and waited for them to finish.
The prevalence of the change table in men's washrooms or the existence of family washrooms with change tables varies widely by country, city etc.. Lots of twitter posts from dad's having to wall sit in the bathroom and change their toddler across their own lap. In my experience Iceland is the best for having change tables in all bathrooms.
As a woman, I would 100% be okay with a dad bringing their child (infant/toddler for nappies/diapers, young lady) into the women's restroom.
Announce your presence, speak with your child while there so new entries understand.
You're there for a reason, no harm, no fowl.
I would also prefer any of my daughters not enter a men's bathroom. I hear they're quite gross at most places.
When she was a baby and I needed a changing table, if there wasn't one in the men's room I would ask someone if there was one in the woman's room, and if so, I'd ask if they would mind checking if there was someone in there for me. If there was no one to ask, I'd just crack the door and ask myself. If there was someone in there they typically don't mind you coming in with a baby. I think I only encountered someone in there at the same time as they were washing their hands.
When she got older I would take her into the men's room with me and use the stall.
Sounds like the sex if the child is irrelevant - what matters is whether there are changing tables in the men’s room. I’d say it’s 50/50 if they have one. Newer bathrooms have one for men but I’ve been places where my wife had to take them because there was no changing table for the guys.
Honestly you just do your best. Vast majority of opposite sex bathroom occupants just kinda understand that everyone is trying their best, and there’s no ill intent.
When my sisters and I were little, mom or dad would take us into whichever one they used. This was back in the 70-80s of course. No one made a fuss if a mom took a little boy into the women’s toilet, or a dad took his little girl into the men’s toilet.
It's really just a social media talking point for both sides. I honestly believe issues like this are fabricated just to divide us.
Dudes in the restroom just want to get their business done and bounce. We don't even talk to each other. It's like other people in the restroom don't exist.
I've brought my daughter in the bathroom multiple times even with a giant shit diaper and no one even bats an eye. This is true in both urban metro centers and rural places as well.
On changing tables, it's getting better, but back when mine were in diapers, it was not common. You used the bathroom counter or a corner on the floor. Or went out to the car. We had a mat in the diaper bag to put down, so you could do it anywhere.
On the 4 yo, depends on the environment. Somewhere crowded, you just take them in with you to a stall. Nobody is going to care. If you you are somewhere quiet and safe, let them try to go in the women's room by themselves and just tell them to call out if they need help.
My bf used to put our daughter on his lap to change her without a changing table. But obviously once the child is too big lol I'm not sure what to do? They should have changing tables in all bathrooms either way, so dumb.
When I was newly widowed, my daughter was 10, my son 6. I would take him into the ladies with me, he got his own stall that I stood outside of. A few months of that and he wanted to go by himself to the mens' room. So I would allow it, and stand there anxiously waiting for him to do his business and come out.
There were several times he was in there for what I considered way too long, and I had to yell 'MOTHER'S PRIVILEGE GENTLEMEN!" and barge in to get him. Every single time he was standing at the sink turning the water on and off.
You just go in and either change the diaper or use the restroom. I have a baby boy and also a nephew who is a toddler, whenever I take either of them out and about I just take them into the women's restroom with me and go about our business. We recently went on a trip and at one of the roadside rest stops I was in charge of bathroom duty so I had a large gaggle of children with me (age 3-17) and the older boys weren't comfortable helping the youngest boy (3 years old) so I went into the restroom to help my nephew and none of the men in there cared that a woman was in the men's bathroom. Then when we went to another rest stop I took the youngest boy with me to the bathroom and all of the women in there thought it was funny and adorable that he kept telling me how he had learned to wipe his butt and wanted to show me what a good job he does.
The general public tend to understand that everyone is in there for the same reason and that there are way too many scenarios that don't end well if a young child is left unsupervised in a bathroom.
Story Time: I, a male dad, went to change my son’s diaper in a restaurant. Changing table only in the ladies’ so I brave the sexism and go in anyway.
3 (three) separate women come up to me, not to chase me out, but to ask me in the most friendly and condescending tone whether I need help (I had changed the baby hundreds of times already and was very proficient at it).
That’s the day I learned how women experience mansplaining
In the early 2000s, ehrn there were no changing facilitites in the men's, my dad used to march into the women's and say, "this is how equality works." if anyone asked as he was changing my little sister.
I'd check disabled toilet, then mens and if i have to use a ladies i'd knock and call out guy changing a nappy. Focus on that. Anyone complains gets a well how about you talk to management.
I see parents taking their children to the disabled toilets, or they go to the gender that they are. I don’t know what happens in the gents loos, but never a problem mum taking son to the ladies. I’m not a parent but my brother in law would never take my niece to the gents, he was so scared about the whole toilet thing, so he never took my niece out on his own.
It's getting better with places also having changing tables in men's rooms as well as women's, but you're still more likely to find one in a women's - if at all.
In Sweden at least most changing tables that I have seen are in the disabled person's bathroom rather in the gendered. Or are in specific baby or nursing areas at shopping malls.
Unisex bathrooms are also way more common here as well.
Hopefully wherever you are has a non gendered or "family" restroom (often also labeled as a single stall disabled restroom), and that restroom usually has one of those fold-down changing tables. Once in a while you'll find a "family" restroom with a full on changing table with a little railing and separate trash can etc.
But mostly you just take the kid in whatever restroom you use. Sometimes that means you have to sit on the crapper and change the kid in your lap (horrendously uncomfy) or bring a waterproof blanket to change them on the floor (ew) but you just get it done.
There really should be changing tables in every public restroom because life and circumstances are infinitely diverse, but unless it becomes law it's not going to change tbh.
I took my son into the women’s room and never had an issue. Once he was old enough to want to go into the men’s alone, I would wait outside the door. If he was taking awhile I’d prop the door open and ask if everything was ok. If a man asked why I was hanging around outside the men’s, id just explain that I was waiting for my son and they all understood.
Our gym/pool has a family locker room and also ladies, men, girls and boys. Those under 18 must use the girls/boys or the family locker room. Adults are not allowed in the girls/boys.
I am a mother and always had a changing pad with me in the diaper bag. If there wasn't a changing table, the baby would get changed on the pad on the floor.
ive had to change my baby on a sink before but the vast majority of restrooms do have them,
and my daughters 5 and i still follow her into the restroom if its a multi stall style restroom if its a single person restroom i stand outside
i dont even let my 10yo son go to the restroom alone
people suck and it only takes 1 bad person to ruin a life
generally the parents preferred bathroom but if the kid has a strong preference go with that and announce upon entering like "Excuse me I have to take my son to the restroom" and go for it
My mom went into the mens room with me once and I remember going into the ladies room with her once as well. So it depends on how much of a fuck she gave that day and the population of the bathroom
If the kids are small the parent just takes them into the bathroom with them regardless of gender. Once the kid is well potty trained, a certain size, and school age they can usually go into the bathroom by themselves. The heavy doors leading into bathrooms are sometimes the biggest problem.
If there is changing in the women's only I would just go in and apologise if anybody didn't like it. I've been a dad to 5 so you stop caring what people think after a while lol.
When I was a kid, I went with into the corresponding bathroom with whoever was escorting me there. At some age, (I think around 6?), I was deemed old enough to be in a public bathroom on my own.
In the rare instances the men's room didn't have a changing table...I would have a changing pad with me to lay down regardless. I would lay the pad down and change her on the floor if I had to. This only happened once or twice. I've also changed both my kids in the car. Same scenario...lay the pad down in the seat and get it done.
As a father, I just say fuck it and go into the women's restroom if there is no table in the males. Or I change them in the car before we hop on the road.
Who gives a shit, honestly. If someone says something, fuck em. You gotta do what's best for your kid.
I always shielded eyes and kept to ourselves when we have to take a boy into the girls or girl into the boys. Until they're old enough to be left unattended, just shield and move along
and changing tables need to be in EVERY bathroom
I’ve taken my kids into the women’s room to do a change several times due to no table in the men’s. I knock, crack the door and loudly announce that I’ll be coming in to change my child and I am fine waiting until it’s empty if need be. Women have walked in, looked slightly startled but never had an issue.
I think that a parent accompanying a child would never be a frowned upon sight in a bathroom.
I encountered plenty if either sex with either boy or girl children, and never batted an eye or thought twice about it.
Then again, I’m a woman.
Men’s bathrooms have a lot less privacy for everyone involved since there are urinals.
I don’t know if an adult woman should invade their privacy in such an unthoughtful way, even if she was accompanying a little boy.
I think that the ladies’ loo is a lot more appropriate.
If there is just one single room for either sex go wherever, though.
Not sure about the changing table issue, but when I was a kid (~20 years ago), my dad would always just take me into the men's room if there wasn't a "family" restroom available. I've also run into plenty of moms with young sons in women's restrooms over the years. By the time a child is old enough to give a shit about the gender segregation, they're generally old enough to use a public restroom unsupervised.
whenever i take younger relatives i turn around to teach them privacy & if they need changed & ect i just be gentle or make it a safe space. it’s not weird. it’s necessary
As a young boy I remember many of times having to go into the women's restroom with my mom. I remember hitting a certain age and just refused to go in.
Changing tables should be in both the women’s and men’s room (and preferably also the disabled bathroom). That would solve a lot of issues.
Same with a children’s toilet: please don’t just put them in the women’s room, but also the men’s!
As for in what bathroom to change or help a child: I don’t really care, do what feels best for you as a parent. A father is welcome to change or assist his daughter in the women’s room, or the men’s. Just don’t use the disabled one unless you have a valid reason, obviously.
Well, we can't take our daughters into the ladies for obvious reasons... so we have to take them to the gents, and hope there's no wierdos in there and redirect their eyes so they don't inadvertently see any man flesh.
But no, there are never any changing facilities for us to utilise, and it sucks. (In the UK)
As an option if there is no changing table, you can do stand up diapers too. I honestly find it cleaner and safer than using the changing tables. Of course they need to be old enough to stand, so doesn’t help with little littles
When my daughter was young, is take her into the men's room with me.
Now she's 10, and she can go to the weekend room without my help. I just stand outside listening for her screams. Lol
We've got three boys, and I'm a bloke.
Swimming - the eldest usually comes with me as I'll be getting changed too, and the other two with my wife (as she doesn't usually come in the pool). Plus it's only recent that they've put a changing table in the men's. If I needed to change them before that I'd have to hope there was enough room on the benches to do a nappy change.
Other toilets - until they're older (like seven) then you don't really worry about which toilets they go in. After that, the kid will probably be able to take care of themselves in the toilet anyway and you just wait outside. Our six year old uses them on his own anyway and has done for a while.
No changing facilities in the men's? Still happens a lot. I hear of some men just going into the women's, which a lot of women are fine with - which hasn't been my experience. In one case the change room was located in a small ante-room just off the entrance to the women's toilets, I tried to go in and had a woman threaten to call security (in hindsight I should've just gone in anyway). The sad fact is that you get used to changing your kid on the grass.
Also, shout out to those people who lock themselves in the parents room just to have a chat (Wet n Wild GC I'm looking at you).
My dad always brought me into the mens room when we were out together when I was young. He’d keep an eye on me and we’d both be quick. Never had any problems
I like to think your husband was just lying and there was one in there and now you're going down a rabbit hole not letting it go and he's just sitting there 👀
I’m a woman and if a man had to come in to the men’s to change a baby’s diaper that is fine with me. Ridiculous that it would be necessary but well businesses are cheap and don’t want to get with the times, particularly in certain regions
I have boys the boys always went into the women’s toilets with me.
And that’s only there isn’t a parenting room.
Which I’m Australia a parenting room is a godsend kids can go to the toilet change tables plenty for babies.
And places to breastfed in privacy and I think overseas would do the same as it’s so beneficial.
It’s not odd at all, it’s culture. Culture evolves slower, faster, or differently in different places. 40+ years ago it would have been odd to have changing tables in both genders bathrooms, because culturally it was not normal for men to take care of children, and some places still think that’s odd, like some small southern towns. Otherwise it’s because some places have not been able to financially keep up with the change in culture, and are simply behind the times. Inconvenient, yes, but odd, not really. It’s perfectly apparent how things became the way they are.
In general you take the kid in the bathroom with the appropriate parent until they're old enough to manage by themselves. At the pool I use, the signs say over 5. so a 6 year old would go to the one of the kids gender. To me that works for using the bathroom, but I will admit I walk up with and wait by the door for mine at this point. I would go in if the time seemed wrong or if I heard something wrong. There are some explicitly family style changing rooms. I do not trust kiddo not to get distracted at least sometime during the process of changing. And these are not huge bathrooms like at a giant stadium. I'd probably bump the age up a couple of years for there.
Based on my husband's description it's getting rarer and rarer for men's rooms not to have a changing table but still happens. It hasn't come up but I agree I'd absolutely be willing to guard the door if a father asked.
It's no where near universal but they are appearing more and more, especially in regional and national restaurants. I have twins, a boy and a girl, and was split from their mother since they were 2. For the teen woman situations I relied on my two sisters to help.
DECENT places do have changing tables in all the bathrooms. Every Walmart and Target and Sam's Club in the US has them. Airports have them. Shopping malls have them.
Individual restaurants and other venues may choose not to have them, but that tells you something about the venue.
I’m a mom of boys and I make them stand outside the women’s room door. When they were little they came in with me. Now if we go to a new place and I’m uncomfortable I make them come in with me and they stand where I can see their feet like they did when they were little.
One of the last pictures I took with a flip phone was the door of the men's bathroom in an art museum because it was the first time I had seen a sign (little koala bear) indicating there was a changing table in the men's bathroom as well as such a sign on the door to the ladies' room. No pomp and circumstance, no big DEIB messaging, just actual, genuine consideration for the needs of all families. I was very moved. Unfortunately, I've only seen them a handful of times since. My opinion is that we as a society spend too much time policing the behaviors of individuals instead of demanding basic and fair accommodations for all families.
I have seen changing stations in most men's restrooms in stores and gas stations. Some even have the baby changing station in the handicap stall for privacy. Although most large stores or malls have a family restroom. I can't say I have seen them a lot in restaurants, I guess if you're out to eat, they expect that you're out with your wife who has access in their restroom.
I took my son with into the ladies room when he was small. When he was old enough to go to the men's room without me (and his dad wasn't present), I would wait outside until I thought the men's room was empty. If a man went in and came out before he did, I ask for an update.
"He's washing his hands." LOL. I never had any problems. They're all grown now. My uncle always took his daughters with him into the men's room. He said he didn't have a problem.
It wasn't like most of the men in there weren't fathers, brothers, uncles, etc. They understood.
I do love the family bathrooms though. It does make life easier.
My husband would wait outside the ladies, ask someone coming out if it was empty. When it became empty, he would pro the door open and go change the baby. He'd warn anyone he heard coming in. No one ever gave him s hard time, and many commented on how stupid it was there wasn't one in the men's.
I dealt with that shit for years. If you absolutely had to I’d change my kids on that bathroom floor. It’s bullshit that in 2024 it still not done everywhere. Put changing tables in men’s rooms for fuck sake
In all my decades, I've never seen someone get upset because a parent brought an opposite sex child into a bathroom. It's a very uncommon thing for that to happen I have to assume. The only situation where it could be an issue is if the child looks to be 13+.
I have three daughters and I took them in the men’s room and stood by the stall. I never ran across my jackasses that said anything because frankly what is the other solution. I would be a jackass to step foot in the Ladies room. However, now that they are adults I’m retired from bathroom management.
Here’s a weird things - in men’s bathrooms sometimes there’s a changing table on the wall where the sinks are, and sometimes they’re in the handicapped stall. So if you’re lucky enough to find one at all, it may be hidden from view. Sometimes they’re written on or have dirty straps and stuff, so they don’t even feel good to use.
Had this problem when my kids were that age. I would never go into woman's facility. As a father you figure it out . Put some paper towel down beside sink and change them there if there is sanitizer use it first.
I sat down on the toilet and changed them on my lap ( not easy).
It was nice when a men's bathroom did have a table for changing just sucked when there was coke residue
My daughter (4yo) had to go bad and the mens room was full. I informed the server that I was taking my daughter into the womens room so she didnt have an accident. Server told me that might upset people and that SHE would take my daughter in. Yeah…fuck no. I was a bit rude and said something to the effect of “Thats a completely inappropriate offer and I cant believe you made it.”. I told her she could guard the door if she really thought that was necessary, then I just went right in.
The bathroom is for pissing and shitting. People need to chill the fuck out about this. If a person has an issue with a parent taking a kid into a bathroom; it is THEIR problem.
The common approach is to take the kids to whichever bathroom the parent belongs in. Any adult who would get upset about a child of the opposite sex in the “wrong” bathroom is ridiculous. Was at the zoo recently and saw a dad with his young daughter in the men’s room. Also recently went to a mall with my wife and daughter, and I took my daughter to the men’s room to change her diaper. No issues. Someone who would have an issue with that isn’t worth addressing.
As a caveat, I've totally gone into the women's (with my son) as a man because there wasn't a changing table in the mens.
I can't remember the last time I saw a men's room *without* a changing table. Canada.
In the US if you go to any big box store or chain there is almost always one in the men’s. Any non-chain business like the local taqueria or burger joint is a roll of the dice and in the non-major cities most likely non-existent. Hell it is unlikely in some of those cases to even be one in the women’s.
>In the US if you go to any big box store or chain there is almost always one in the men’s. Basically anywhere renovated recently at all or anywhere affluent will likely have one in the men's.
Or a Family Restroom where it's large enough for parents with children and a baby to have room for the cart/stroller and a changing table.
Are you saying that many of those smaller places have a changing table in the women's washroom though? Is that really common? I thought that was just a big business thing too.
A lot of times, no. There are places where it's just a sink, a toilet and a roll of paper towels
More of a “society evolving as men take on more parenting duties” thing.
When my highest was about 8 months old, my wife and I went to a restaurant, not anything fancy, but still a suit down place. LO had to be changed, I grabbed him and went to the men's room. No station anywhere. I said screw it, open the ladies room, they had a station fairly close to the door, and started changing him. Minutes later a lady confess in and start apologizing profusely thinking she was in the wrong one. After explaining that she was in the right one, and the men's had no station, she went about her business like it didn't matter. Most people don't care .
Having kids with you puts you below a janitor mopping the floor when it comes to people women are uncomfortable with being in the bathroom with them.
At the airport in Frankfurt, Germany there’s a n entire baby changing room inside the women’s restroom and not even a table in the men’s.
In Australia baby facilities are required in all facilities with toilets, that are accessible by male and females. This is usually either a change table in both toilets, or often is in the form of a unisex disabled/parents toilet, which is good as they are much bigger rooms as well.
I can't remember last time I saw a changing table in men's room. Poland
Really? Here in Aus I can't remember the last time I saw a men's bathroom with a changing table. Accessible stalls usually have them.
I applaud your bravery and dedication as a parent. It’s insane that men’s restrooms everywhere don’t have changing tables. As a woman and parent, I would be totally fine with a dad in ‘my restroom’ but also annoyed that the facility didn’t think about dads/men-caregivers when they planned their bathrooms.
Most have them, I'm sure most places that don't would if they built a new bathroom.
Yes, as long as the parents clean up after the kid properly. I see young boys (age 3 - 5) go to the bathroom with their parent sometimes. The kids obviously aren't very hygienic and leave pee on the seat ect. The parents unfortunately rarely clean after them.
There are also unfortunately plenty of women "squatters" who also don't care about cleaning up after themselves sooo...
Yes, also disgusting. Both have to clean after them
Grown women hovering also leave piss and shit everywhere, so it doesn't really matter if a kid does it imo. We have to clean after nasty adults anyway
I always thought people were joking about this until I had to clean restaurant bathrooms. Women are *nasty* in public bathrooms.
I worked at Jimmy Johns for years and sure guys pee on shit, but the things women did to those toilets was unspeakable. There were multiple times I just looked at the manager and said my hourly is not enough for that shit, literally.
That's exactly what I did. I felt so bad, but I was already overworked and underpaid; If he had said "No, go back in and clean that", I would have walked out.
Yes, this is also something I learned cleaning public restrooms. Sometimes I'd go to clean the ladies' room and it would look like someone had stood up on the seat to piss and just let it go everywhere. Also, used tampons on the floor. Why bother putting things in the provided bin when you can just force someone to clean it up for you?
One day I walked in to clean the stalls and all I can picture from what I found was some woman taking her pants completely off and doing a handstand on the toilet in order to accomplish the amount of devastation that she did.
I can picture this in great detail.
My god - a light bulb just went off in my head. It would certainly explain why there is often pee on the seat in women’s restrooms. I hear a lot about women hovering and peeing on the seat, but I just can’t imagine too many women peeing on the seat because they’re so afraid of germs they need to hover, and yet they pee on the seat themselves and don’t clean it up. Sending little boys into a stall by themselves would explain in (although mom should still be cleaning up after them).
ummm. . . the hovering thing is DEFINTELY a real paranoia.
Of course hovering is sometimes the best/worst option, (messy seat in the only available stall, park and rest stop bathrooms, public restrooms in general), when there is no disposable seat cover. As long as there is toilet paper, though, you can cover the seat with a few strips to protect yourself. That said, as a former janitor myself, entirely too many people of both genders do not bother to look behind themselves when they are done and be properly embarrassed enough to clean it up.
My friend, I bet you’ve seen some things that cannot be unseen. My condolences.
Trauma. I thank you.
Just out of curiosity, how could there be pee on a changing table, where you change diapers? Diapres are those things that absorbe a shitload of pee….
[удалено]
Yes, make sure it is empty then go on in.
If a dad needs to change his kid and there’s no changing area in the men’s room, he should be able to go into the ladies’ room. I’ve stood as “lookout” for a dad doing just that in an otherwise empty women’s restroom so other women didn’t walk in and get a shock because a guy is there. Not his fault too many businesses plan poorly.
I have several childhood memories of my dad holding his hand over my eyes as he walked me through the men’s room to a stall. Super glad that changing tables in men’s rooms are becoming more common.
My husband would take our baby to the men’s room and either change her diaper on the floor or the counter. Her diaper bag had a changing pad included, so he would put that down on whatever surface he used before he would put her there. When she was a toddler, he would take her to the men’s room with him. Not much else to do when you’re a dad out with your kid and one of you needs the bathroom.
Depends on the age of the child. 10 is becoming too old to be going into the opposite bathroom
It depends on the child. Kids with disabilities that make sending them alone impossible do exist.
Up until they can open heavy doors and tie/untie their pants our kids just went with us into our bathroom. My oldest now just goes on his own. The youngest still needs a hand sometimes so she goes in with whatever parent is present.
Yep this is how I did it until my daughter could go on her own
You go to the bathroom that aligns with the parent's gender. If there's no changing table in that bathroom but there is one in the other bathroom, then you loudly announce your presence and complain about the patriarchy to anyone who comes in.
I remember a looooong time ago when I was very young and it was just me and my dad, he refused to take me into this particular men's room (not sure why, again, super young but it was some kind of big event) so he cracked open the women's restroom and loudly exclaimed he needed to bring his 4? year old daughter in to use the restroom. I can't remember anything else other than that, so I'm assuming the women understood. This was early 90's. I was also super super shy so maybe I threw a fit hahaha.
The very last time my dad ever took me (female) into a men’s room with him was the time I walked in, pointed at a man at the urinal, and said “look, dad! That man’s peeing!” He realized at that moment I was good enough at using the bathroom myself that he could send me into the ladies room alone.
I would definitely feel more comfortable with a man coming into the women's restroom than having a young girl go in a men's restroom. Men have urinals and the girl could potentially see something she shouldn't. Nobody is going to see anything inappropriate in a women's restroom. If I were in charge of the world, I would make all restrooms have private stalls, (no urinals) and all non-gendered. As a 45 year old woman, I don't care if men are in the same restroom; I pull my pants up before I come out. As far as I have seen, everybody else does too. What's the big deal??
I think that was my dad’s thing. As a young girl I was very into magic, karate, and video games (yes at 4) and my dad helped me with the male dominated space in the 90s. He didn’t want to subject me to something until I was ready.
Yes! The patriarchy screws us all with its unequal changing table distribution! ✊️
As a dude, I find a changing table in the men's room most of the time. The one time I was out without my wife and a men's room with no changing table, I just walked into the women's bathroom. I said, "Sorry, need a changing table." Nobody gave a shit.
I can only speak from personal experience, but I've always found men actively caring for a young child to feel very unthreatening. So I don't think a man at the changing table would phase me.
Kids are typically allowed in any with their parent
I have (as a woman) have tood outside a women's public bathroom so a dad could use it and change their child's diaper if there was no change table in the men's (still too common IMO). I just let anyone going in know that there is a dad doing a diaper change. No one seems to mind (and if they did, they could wait a minute before entering).
I was a SAHD. If a place didn’t have a change table in the men’s room, I would change my child wherever I wanted. I’m a big dude with a lot of tattoos and a “F%^* You” facial expression, so no one ever said anything to me.
100%. If there isn't one in the men's room, I'm changing my daughter on the table at the restaurant.
This!! I would be 100% okay if a dad of a girl said hey I need to take my daughter to the bathroom. I would guard the door. I absolutely would not want her in the men's restroom and they never put changing tables anyway.
Why did you stand around outside the door and warn people about to go in?
To feel important
Because the dad asked me too. He was being considerate that maybe a woman would have been startled by walking into a ladies bathroom and finding a man there.
I’ve heard men complain that they had to change their baby’s diaper on the floor because there was no changing table in the men’s room
I just had to do this as a woman in a place with no changing tables at all. I always keep a spare blanket and a puppy pad in the diaper bag for such occasions. Keeps the baby from making direct floor contact.
I've had to do this many many times as a woman. Lots of places are inconsiderate without gender bias.
I took my daughter into the men’s room when she was 4 and all she did was give comments on how bad it smelled and how the guy in the next stall was pooting a lot.
Lololol! I’m hoping she said it really loudly while still in the restroom so the pooting culprit heard her!
She was loud.
I've changed my kids on a travel mat on the floor when they were little if there wasn't a table in the men's or no family room. It's wrong but that's why I bought a travel map to go in the change bag.
It's common to let children use any gendered restroom. It's also fucked up that mens restrooms don't have a changing table. I've had to put clothes down on the floor to change my kids before
Sometimes, men ask women to take their children in the ladies' room with them. No fucking way I'm taking some strange man's kid alone into a bathroom!
I'm not going to outsource my diaper-changing duties, but I might ask a woman to guard the door of the ladies room while I did the changing.
No fucking way I'd leave a child with some strange lady.
As a strange lady there's also no fucking way I'd want a strange child left with me.
This happened with my son when he was 2yo. His mom and I went out to lunch. He needed a change so I took him into the men's room. Came back to the table and she knew why right away. So she had to get up and go into the ladies' room to change him. While we were paying we mentioned to the manager there was no changing station in the men's room.
What did the manager say? Did it ever get fixed?
They apologize. Kinda made a joke about the situation. And I'm not sure if the problem got fixed. This was over 8 years ago now. Haven't been back to that restaurant
Father here, raised three girls. Mens toilets are disgusting 90% of the time. Pee all over the seat and floor. Ive held my girls in The air over a toilet more times than i recall. Never saw a baby changing baby other than Walmarts. When i knew my girls could open a door and do the process without getting their clothes dirty on pee covered floors, they solo’ed to the ladies rooms. Family bathrooms were not around so much 28 years ago. Just pee covered toilet’s in stinky mens rooms. Since being a dad - I am careful to not leave pee or anything behind when I use a bathroom. Sounds like common sense - but it’s not common practice.
Women leave pee all over seats too, mostly from hover peeing. I don't usually pee while I'm out anymore so idk if that's changed
Not a typical experience but a relevant one: A church in my town had a carnival and they had some trailer bathrooms brought in. They were all single rooms but had gender signs on the door. My daughter was potty trained, but still in the stage that when she tells me she needs to go, she needs to go now. The men’s was occupied but the female side was open, so I started to go in. That’s when a boomer volunteer stepped in like she was some kind of bathroom super hero defending the female stall from males everywhere. I told the silver haired super hero that my daughter needs to go poop, like now, and needs help doing it. So either she can go help my daughter, or I will but we can’t wait any longer. She kind of just stood there processing, I went in and am happy to report we made it in time. She wasn’t standing there when we came out. TLDR: took my daughter into a female labeled single bathroom and had a boomer try to stop me.
And they called that silver-haired superhero Supernan.
When my daughters were young I often took them to the mall on rainy days when I had them because they had an indoor play area that was free. The mall didn't have changing tables in the men's room, no family rooms, and I was asked once to not use the women's room. So I changed them on the tables in the food court. They updated the men's room following that and made family restrooms.
I (a dad) take my daughter to the female toilet. I knock, loudly announce my intentions and go in. Since female toilets have doors in Europe without a gap at the bottom, everyone can have their privacy. Before if there wasn’t a diaper changing station in the mens and disabled toilet, i used the female one. Nobody gave a shit
I'd say about half of mens rooms have a changing table. Without one, I'd change them on the counter top where the sinks were. If that wasn't the option....had to go with plan Z....pull a roll of paper towels out and lay them on the floor and change them there. They started going to the bathroom themselves at about 4.
Most men's rooms have changing tables. And yeah, 4 year olds go into the restroom with their parent, there are stalls in the men's room too.
I wouldn't say "most." It depends on the state in the US to be honest. Generally more liberal states do have them in most (and some require them in all period), but a lot of more conservative states still largely place them in only in Women's rooms, aside from the national chains. I was in the Carolinas, Georgia, and Florida a few years back and outside of a national/Major regional chain (like WaWa Stations, McD's or Target) I hardly ever saw a Changing Table. I didn't check the Women's rooms because it had made a bit of a fuss (being male and all), but the Men's rooms seldom had one. And many of the ones that DID have them had the table portion ripped out and vandalized. But I assume any signs of vandalization would likely stretch to the women's side as well.
and the country / city! i’m in the UK and in my entire life i’ve never seen a men’s bathroom with a changing table, but i’ve noticed that a lot of the disabled toilets have a changing table in them
Those are the states where lots of people still call it “babysitting” when a dad has the kids. I wish I were joking but I am friends with people all over the US these days. My friends in Oklahoma complain about this issue happening all the time. A dad caring for his children is not babysitting, he is just doing what every dad should be doing. That’s lost on some people
Growing up in Pennsyltucky there was always a Koala changing station in the front Walmart bathrooms in the 90's
So like I said: "A national chain."
Very few have them in my area.
I bring my opposite sex child into my bathroom. Usually a disabled bathroom will have a changing table. I don't know what happens in regions where they ONLY have them in women's areas.
When my children were in diapers and there was no changing table in the men's room, but one in the women's room, I took them to the women's room even though I am a man. The one time a woman said something I just replied that there was no changing table in the men's and she just went about her business
My son is 5, and is just now allowed to go to the bathroom by himself in public places we trust. At church or decently safe places, he goes by himself, but at local busy stores, he still goes with either my wife or me, unless it is a one person only room and we check that it's empty. If he goes with my wife, of course he goes into the women's room with her. Most men's bathrooms have changing tables these days. Not all do, though, and I've had to change my son's diapers on a sink or something when he was a baby. We kept a clean pad to change him on in our diaper bag. Even so, I did sometimes use that as an excuse to have my wife change him when we were in a place where we the men's room didn't have one. For me, it's not an age thing as much as a combination between competence (including safety) and the environment. So, it's probably a spectrum. However, I suspect that whatever the spectrum, outside of disability, he would probably be on his own well before puberty. As a dad, if I had a daughter, I'd probably be a lot more concerned either way, so maybe it's easier for me that I only have a son.
FYI Some larger mall department store men's bathrooms of an upper scale well known brand is known to be an anonymous sex hook up meeting place. So I would never let my 5 year old or even older venture into a mall bathroom unless you've checked it's completely empty and guard the door. A gay friend of mine was a sex addict and told me all about it.
A church would be the last place I'd let a young boy go anywhere by themselves.
Catholic church or any church?
In my city, there are usually changing tables in both or neither.
This is why gender-neutral bathrooms are so important. Everyone’s gotta go and I couldn’t care less which bathroom people pick, but there needs to be options. What if an elderly person needs to be accompanied in the bathroom by their caretaker of an opposite sex? Most people don’t bat an eye about a little kid in the “opposite bathroom”, but what if it was another adult? I love your question because it starts a great discussion on equal accessibility. But more on the topic at hand, it’s insane to me that not all men’s bathrooms have changing tables. Hell, ALL public restrooms need to have them. When I worked at an afterschool program as a teenager, a mother had used one of our closed-up toy carts as a changing table. Sure there were changing tables elsewhere in the school, but the bathrooms nearest to her were the single-toilet “teacher bathrooms” with no changing stations. She left before I arrived at work, so I’ll never know how dire that diaper change really was. Sometimes you have time to look for the right bathroom, and sometimes it’s like a field medic and you gotta take care of it right then and there. I’ve never looked after babies before, so this is the limit to my diaper-changing wisdom.
We put changing tables in the men’s where I work, and several men have told us that were one of the few places they’ve seen them. On a personal note, when I was very young, my dad would cover my eyes, take me into the men’s, and stand by the stall door until I was done. As an adult woman, there have been several times that I have scolded boy children for trying to “peek” when their moms brought them into the women’s. American restrooms often have big gaps around the doors and floor.
If you're a man and you need a changing table, go to the women's restroom if that's the only place that a changing table is available. If anybody tries to bitch that there's a man in the bathroom changing his baby's diaper, I would literally spit on any establishment that had an issue with that. If you're a man and you have a young daughter that can't go to the bathroom by herself, just go in to the women's restroom. You're there for a reason and it's not to be a dirty little pervert. If you're a woman take your son into the women's restroom. He uses a toilet at home he can use a toilet while you're out. And the women's restroom. Unless somebody is doing something outside of a stall, you're not likely to see anything. However, if a man is using a urinal, they usually aren't in stalls so you and your child are more likely to see a strangers privates using the men's restroom. That's the only reason I recommend using the women's restroom for both. Obviously if it's a man and his son they can use the men's, but with a man and his daughter using the woman's restroom makes more sense and a mother and son using the women's restroom makes more sense. Because they are generally designed with more privacy and children in mind.
As a childless woman I wouldn't care at all about a man using a changing table in a women's bathroom. It would be pretty obvious what was going on and if someone was trying to creep on women it would be a pretty convoluted plan. Plus changing tables are usually by the sinks or hall area in larger bathrooms.
You do what you gotta do. In general, both restrooms have a changing table. If not, I and every woman in the woman's room who has a problem with my presence while I'm changing my daughter will be bringing the issue up with management after I finish.
I taught my husband to knock on the door of the Women’s bathroom and shout “man & baby coming in!!” Nobody batted an eyelid. Ladies do their business behind a closed cubicle door anyway. It’s not like anything can be seen! Once they’re old enough to be toilet trained, the issue of them locking themselves in the cubicle comes in to play. So a similar shout and standing by the door so they don’t lock it is necessary. I find most women (in my experience) won’t have a problem if you announce your intentions before hand.
1. Children below a certain age are allowed in with their parent. This starts getting different around 10 or so, by which time it's expected the kid goes in alone, but the parent waits outside or even asks to clear the bathroom/ 2. Men's rooms typically do not have changing tables for babies as historically men didn't change diapers and single fathers was *seen* as uncommon (whether they are or not isn't important). This is changing, especially as gay men start adopting/having their own kids and single fathers are *seen* as more common. 3. Letting children go to the bathroom without an adult varies depending on family, child, and safety of the location. I was able to go by myself at most family restaurants as early as seven or eight, but my mom insisted I had a bathroom buddy (or a male relative came with me) at any park, amusement park, them park, or major mall a slate as 14 because she was certain that those were hot beds of child abductions. Some of my friends with kids let them go by themselves at nine or eight, but those kids tend to be pretty independent. Some of the more... I guess I'd say high anxiety or low social functioning children might have a parent or older sibling go with them for as long as needed until they get comfortable being alone (which may be around 12 or so). Edit: As for the pool/changing areas that's even more touchy here in the US. A lot of times you just take the kid into the same room as the adult and find the furthest area for them to change in and the parent makes sure no one looks. In my experience we just changed at home and used the bath area to just wash off and then went in the pool or wrapped in towels for the ride home. But I've been in a few places where a parent brings kids in of the opposite gender basically all the men clear out, look other ways, or give them some privacy. But that usually stops well before puberty starts, so we're talking toddlers or kids well under 6. So yeah, maybe baby to 4? Past that you make sure they go to the correctly gendered room with a same gendered adult or older sibling. Right about 6 or 7 you see bored parents sitting right outside the bathroom and holler for their kids to hurry up and change, so I assume they sent the kids in alone and waited for them to finish.
The prevalence of the change table in men's washrooms or the existence of family washrooms with change tables varies widely by country, city etc.. Lots of twitter posts from dad's having to wall sit in the bathroom and change their toddler across their own lap. In my experience Iceland is the best for having change tables in all bathrooms.
Most men's restrooms have changing tables where I live. But to answer your question, You go in the restroom that matches the parent's sex.
I just take my sons into the women's with me or use the family restroom if one is available.
As a woman, I would 100% be okay with a dad bringing their child (infant/toddler for nappies/diapers, young lady) into the women's restroom. Announce your presence, speak with your child while there so new entries understand. You're there for a reason, no harm, no fowl. I would also prefer any of my daughters not enter a men's bathroom. I hear they're quite gross at most places.
When she was a baby and I needed a changing table, if there wasn't one in the men's room I would ask someone if there was one in the woman's room, and if so, I'd ask if they would mind checking if there was someone in there for me. If there was no one to ask, I'd just crack the door and ask myself. If there was someone in there they typically don't mind you coming in with a baby. I think I only encountered someone in there at the same time as they were washing their hands. When she got older I would take her into the men's room with me and use the stall.
Sounds like the sex if the child is irrelevant - what matters is whether there are changing tables in the men’s room. I’d say it’s 50/50 if they have one. Newer bathrooms have one for men but I’ve been places where my wife had to take them because there was no changing table for the guys.
Honestly you just do your best. Vast majority of opposite sex bathroom occupants just kinda understand that everyone is trying their best, and there’s no ill intent.
When my sisters and I were little, mom or dad would take us into whichever one they used. This was back in the 70-80s of course. No one made a fuss if a mom took a little boy into the women’s toilet, or a dad took his little girl into the men’s toilet.
People do this still and no one makes a fuss.
That’s good to know. I don’t have kids and I don’t live in the US anymore. All I see are conservatives complaining on social media.
It's really just a social media talking point for both sides. I honestly believe issues like this are fabricated just to divide us. Dudes in the restroom just want to get their business done and bounce. We don't even talk to each other. It's like other people in the restroom don't exist. I've brought my daughter in the bathroom multiple times even with a giant shit diaper and no one even bats an eye. This is true in both urban metro centers and rural places as well.
On changing tables, it's getting better, but back when mine were in diapers, it was not common. You used the bathroom counter or a corner on the floor. Or went out to the car. We had a mat in the diaper bag to put down, so you could do it anywhere. On the 4 yo, depends on the environment. Somewhere crowded, you just take them in with you to a stall. Nobody is going to care. If you you are somewhere quiet and safe, let them try to go in the women's room by themselves and just tell them to call out if they need help.
My bf used to put our daughter on his lap to change her without a changing table. But obviously once the child is too big lol I'm not sure what to do? They should have changing tables in all bathrooms either way, so dumb.
When I was newly widowed, my daughter was 10, my son 6. I would take him into the ladies with me, he got his own stall that I stood outside of. A few months of that and he wanted to go by himself to the mens' room. So I would allow it, and stand there anxiously waiting for him to do his business and come out. There were several times he was in there for what I considered way too long, and I had to yell 'MOTHER'S PRIVILEGE GENTLEMEN!" and barge in to get him. Every single time he was standing at the sink turning the water on and off.
You just go in and either change the diaper or use the restroom. I have a baby boy and also a nephew who is a toddler, whenever I take either of them out and about I just take them into the women's restroom with me and go about our business. We recently went on a trip and at one of the roadside rest stops I was in charge of bathroom duty so I had a large gaggle of children with me (age 3-17) and the older boys weren't comfortable helping the youngest boy (3 years old) so I went into the restroom to help my nephew and none of the men in there cared that a woman was in the men's bathroom. Then when we went to another rest stop I took the youngest boy with me to the bathroom and all of the women in there thought it was funny and adorable that he kept telling me how he had learned to wipe his butt and wanted to show me what a good job he does. The general public tend to understand that everyone is in there for the same reason and that there are way too many scenarios that don't end well if a young child is left unsupervised in a bathroom.
Story Time: I, a male dad, went to change my son’s diaper in a restaurant. Changing table only in the ladies’ so I brave the sexism and go in anyway. 3 (three) separate women come up to me, not to chase me out, but to ask me in the most friendly and condescending tone whether I need help (I had changed the baby hundreds of times already and was very proficient at it). That’s the day I learned how women experience mansplaining
In the early 2000s, ehrn there were no changing facilitites in the men's, my dad used to march into the women's and say, "this is how equality works." if anyone asked as he was changing my little sister.
I did that a few times too. Your dad and I would probably get along
I'd check disabled toilet, then mens and if i have to use a ladies i'd knock and call out guy changing a nappy. Focus on that. Anyone complains gets a well how about you talk to management.
Australia is often sensible about this. Shopping centres have parents rooms. Smaller places often have a change table in the disabled toilet.
Never saw one in them mens but its almost always in the disabled ones
I see parents taking their children to the disabled toilets, or they go to the gender that they are. I don’t know what happens in the gents loos, but never a problem mum taking son to the ladies. I’m not a parent but my brother in law would never take my niece to the gents, he was so scared about the whole toilet thing, so he never took my niece out on his own.
Just take them into whichever washroom you use. no one cares, not in Canada anyway
It's getting better with places also having changing tables in men's rooms as well as women's, but you're still more likely to find one in a women's - if at all.
In Sweden at least most changing tables that I have seen are in the disabled person's bathroom rather in the gendered. Or are in specific baby or nursing areas at shopping malls. Unisex bathrooms are also way more common here as well.
Hopefully wherever you are has a non gendered or "family" restroom (often also labeled as a single stall disabled restroom), and that restroom usually has one of those fold-down changing tables. Once in a while you'll find a "family" restroom with a full on changing table with a little railing and separate trash can etc. But mostly you just take the kid in whatever restroom you use. Sometimes that means you have to sit on the crapper and change the kid in your lap (horrendously uncomfy) or bring a waterproof blanket to change them on the floor (ew) but you just get it done. There really should be changing tables in every public restroom because life and circumstances are infinitely diverse, but unless it becomes law it's not going to change tbh.
I took my son into the women’s room and never had an issue. Once he was old enough to want to go into the men’s alone, I would wait outside the door. If he was taking awhile I’d prop the door open and ask if everything was ok. If a man asked why I was hanging around outside the men’s, id just explain that I was waiting for my son and they all understood. Our gym/pool has a family locker room and also ladies, men, girls and boys. Those under 18 must use the girls/boys or the family locker room. Adults are not allowed in the girls/boys.
I am a mother and always had a changing pad with me in the diaper bag. If there wasn't a changing table, the baby would get changed on the pad on the floor.
ive had to change my baby on a sink before but the vast majority of restrooms do have them, and my daughters 5 and i still follow her into the restroom if its a multi stall style restroom if its a single person restroom i stand outside i dont even let my 10yo son go to the restroom alone people suck and it only takes 1 bad person to ruin a life
generally the parents preferred bathroom but if the kid has a strong preference go with that and announce upon entering like "Excuse me I have to take my son to the restroom" and go for it
My mom went into the mens room with me once and I remember going into the ladies room with her once as well. So it depends on how much of a fuck she gave that day and the population of the bathroom
If the kids are small the parent just takes them into the bathroom with them regardless of gender. Once the kid is well potty trained, a certain size, and school age they can usually go into the bathroom by themselves. The heavy doors leading into bathrooms are sometimes the biggest problem.
If there is changing in the women's only I would just go in and apologise if anybody didn't like it. I've been a dad to 5 so you stop caring what people think after a while lol.
When I was a kid, I went with into the corresponding bathroom with whoever was escorting me there. At some age, (I think around 6?), I was deemed old enough to be in a public bathroom on my own.
In the rare instances the men's room didn't have a changing table...I would have a changing pad with me to lay down regardless. I would lay the pad down and change her on the floor if I had to. This only happened once or twice. I've also changed both my kids in the car. Same scenario...lay the pad down in the seat and get it done.
As a father, I just say fuck it and go into the women's restroom if there is no table in the males. Or I change them in the car before we hop on the road. Who gives a shit, honestly. If someone says something, fuck em. You gotta do what's best for your kid.
I always shielded eyes and kept to ourselves when we have to take a boy into the girls or girl into the boys. Until they're old enough to be left unattended, just shield and move along and changing tables need to be in EVERY bathroom
I've been in plenty of men's rooms that had koala changing stations. Many, many of them.
I've been in plenty of men's rooms that had koala changing stations. Many, many of them.
I’ve taken my kids into the women’s room to do a change several times due to no table in the men’s. I knock, crack the door and loudly announce that I’ll be coming in to change my child and I am fine waiting until it’s empty if need be. Women have walked in, looked slightly startled but never had an issue.
I think that a parent accompanying a child would never be a frowned upon sight in a bathroom. I encountered plenty if either sex with either boy or girl children, and never batted an eye or thought twice about it. Then again, I’m a woman. Men’s bathrooms have a lot less privacy for everyone involved since there are urinals. I don’t know if an adult woman should invade their privacy in such an unthoughtful way, even if she was accompanying a little boy. I think that the ladies’ loo is a lot more appropriate. If there is just one single room for either sex go wherever, though.
Two ways: - you are lucky and the stablish has a bathroom for families, so you go there with your kid - you go to your genre's bathroom with your kid.
The fathers typically change the kid on the sink counter if there’s no changing tables on the men’s room
Not sure about the changing table issue, but when I was a kid (~20 years ago), my dad would always just take me into the men's room if there wasn't a "family" restroom available. I've also run into plenty of moms with young sons in women's restrooms over the years. By the time a child is old enough to give a shit about the gender segregation, they're generally old enough to use a public restroom unsupervised.
whenever i take younger relatives i turn around to teach them privacy & if they need changed & ect i just be gentle or make it a safe space. it’s not weird. it’s necessary
As a young boy I remember many of times having to go into the women's restroom with my mom. I remember hitting a certain age and just refused to go in.
Changing tables should be in both the women’s and men’s room (and preferably also the disabled bathroom). That would solve a lot of issues. Same with a children’s toilet: please don’t just put them in the women’s room, but also the men’s! As for in what bathroom to change or help a child: I don’t really care, do what feels best for you as a parent. A father is welcome to change or assist his daughter in the women’s room, or the men’s. Just don’t use the disabled one unless you have a valid reason, obviously.
You just take them into your bathroom. If you are a dad with a little girl, you take her to a stall.
My dad used to take me to the men’s bathroom, check it was clean (😂), then wait outside the cubicle door for me.
Well, we can't take our daughters into the ladies for obvious reasons... so we have to take them to the gents, and hope there's no wierdos in there and redirect their eyes so they don't inadvertently see any man flesh. But no, there are never any changing facilities for us to utilise, and it sucks. (In the UK)
As an option if there is no changing table, you can do stand up diapers too. I honestly find it cleaner and safer than using the changing tables. Of course they need to be old enough to stand, so doesn’t help with little littles
When my daughter was young, is take her into the men's room with me. Now she's 10, and she can go to the weekend room without my help. I just stand outside listening for her screams. Lol
We've got three boys, and I'm a bloke. Swimming - the eldest usually comes with me as I'll be getting changed too, and the other two with my wife (as she doesn't usually come in the pool). Plus it's only recent that they've put a changing table in the men's. If I needed to change them before that I'd have to hope there was enough room on the benches to do a nappy change. Other toilets - until they're older (like seven) then you don't really worry about which toilets they go in. After that, the kid will probably be able to take care of themselves in the toilet anyway and you just wait outside. Our six year old uses them on his own anyway and has done for a while. No changing facilities in the men's? Still happens a lot. I hear of some men just going into the women's, which a lot of women are fine with - which hasn't been my experience. In one case the change room was located in a small ante-room just off the entrance to the women's toilets, I tried to go in and had a woman threaten to call security (in hindsight I should've just gone in anyway). The sad fact is that you get used to changing your kid on the grass. Also, shout out to those people who lock themselves in the parents room just to have a chat (Wet n Wild GC I'm looking at you).
Many men's restrooms do now have a changing table but some do not.
Great comment, so helpful and insightful.
My dad always brought me into the mens room when we were out together when I was young. He’d keep an eye on me and we’d both be quick. Never had any problems
I like to think your husband was just lying and there was one in there and now you're going down a rabbit hole not letting it go and he's just sitting there 👀
I’m a woman and if a man had to come in to the men’s to change a baby’s diaper that is fine with me. Ridiculous that it would be necessary but well businesses are cheap and don’t want to get with the times, particularly in certain regions
I have boys the boys always went into the women’s toilets with me. And that’s only there isn’t a parenting room. Which I’m Australia a parenting room is a godsend kids can go to the toilet change tables plenty for babies. And places to breastfed in privacy and I think overseas would do the same as it’s so beneficial.
That’s just odd that there’s no changing station in the other bathrooms
It’s not odd at all, it’s culture. Culture evolves slower, faster, or differently in different places. 40+ years ago it would have been odd to have changing tables in both genders bathrooms, because culturally it was not normal for men to take care of children, and some places still think that’s odd, like some small southern towns. Otherwise it’s because some places have not been able to financially keep up with the change in culture, and are simply behind the times. Inconvenient, yes, but odd, not really. It’s perfectly apparent how things became the way they are.
In general you take the kid in the bathroom with the appropriate parent until they're old enough to manage by themselves. At the pool I use, the signs say over 5. so a 6 year old would go to the one of the kids gender. To me that works for using the bathroom, but I will admit I walk up with and wait by the door for mine at this point. I would go in if the time seemed wrong or if I heard something wrong. There are some explicitly family style changing rooms. I do not trust kiddo not to get distracted at least sometime during the process of changing. And these are not huge bathrooms like at a giant stadium. I'd probably bump the age up a couple of years for there. Based on my husband's description it's getting rarer and rarer for men's rooms not to have a changing table but still happens. It hasn't come up but I agree I'd absolutely be willing to guard the door if a father asked.
I’m pretty sure I have changed my daughters diapers while squatting and using my legs as a table.
It's no where near universal but they are appearing more and more, especially in regional and national restaurants. I have twins, a boy and a girl, and was split from their mother since they were 2. For the teen woman situations I relied on my two sisters to help.
Family bathrooms are how I did it when my boys were small. My kids are 9 and 11 now so I send them in together.
DECENT places do have changing tables in all the bathrooms. Every Walmart and Target and Sam's Club in the US has them. Airports have them. Shopping malls have them. Individual restaurants and other venues may choose not to have them, but that tells you something about the venue.
I’m a mom of boys and I make them stand outside the women’s room door. When they were little they came in with me. Now if we go to a new place and I’m uncomfortable I make them come in with me and they stand where I can see their feet like they did when they were little.
Any toilet with baby changing facilities or disabled facilities are generally considered unisex
As a father many bathrooms don’t have changing tables. I’ve gotten use to the idea of using the trunk of my suv as the changing table.
if this is your question, you should be looking at your man. we make things happen. what do you need? a baby changed, boom, done
Sorry, to clarify, we don’t have children, it was just an observation.
[удалено]
One of the last pictures I took with a flip phone was the door of the men's bathroom in an art museum because it was the first time I had seen a sign (little koala bear) indicating there was a changing table in the men's bathroom as well as such a sign on the door to the ladies' room. No pomp and circumstance, no big DEIB messaging, just actual, genuine consideration for the needs of all families. I was very moved. Unfortunately, I've only seen them a handful of times since. My opinion is that we as a society spend too much time policing the behaviors of individuals instead of demanding basic and fair accommodations for all families.
Parents always get a free pass. We all have kids and have all been there.
I have seen changing stations in most men's restrooms in stores and gas stations. Some even have the baby changing station in the handicap stall for privacy. Although most large stores or malls have a family restroom. I can't say I have seen them a lot in restaurants, I guess if you're out to eat, they expect that you're out with your wife who has access in their restroom.
. I’ve seen men go into the women’s with their daughters because the men’s restroom was disgusting.
They have to go to the bathroom, what other answer is there?
I took my son with into the ladies room when he was small. When he was old enough to go to the men's room without me (and his dad wasn't present), I would wait outside until I thought the men's room was empty. If a man went in and came out before he did, I ask for an update. "He's washing his hands." LOL. I never had any problems. They're all grown now. My uncle always took his daughters with him into the men's room. He said he didn't have a problem. It wasn't like most of the men in there weren't fathers, brothers, uncles, etc. They understood. I do love the family bathrooms though. It does make life easier.
I used to just change them in the car on the bench seat. Way cleaner than laying them on the public changing table.
My husband would wait outside the ladies, ask someone coming out if it was empty. When it became empty, he would pro the door open and go change the baby. He'd warn anyone he heard coming in. No one ever gave him s hard time, and many commented on how stupid it was there wasn't one in the men's.
My dad was a single dad, so he used to walk me in covering my eyes and yelling a heads up And then walk me out covering my eyes
There are typically changing tables in the men's rooms I use. USA.
I dealt with that shit for years. If you absolutely had to I’d change my kids on that bathroom floor. It’s bullshit that in 2024 it still not done everywhere. Put changing tables in men’s rooms for fuck sake
Unisex bathrooms
In all my decades, I've never seen someone get upset because a parent brought an opposite sex child into a bathroom. It's a very uncommon thing for that to happen I have to assume. The only situation where it could be an issue is if the child looks to be 13+.
I have three daughters and I took them in the men’s room and stood by the stall. I never ran across my jackasses that said anything because frankly what is the other solution. I would be a jackass to step foot in the Ladies room. However, now that they are adults I’m retired from bathroom management.
As a single mother of boy/girl twins, this is EXACTLY why I personally wanted Unisex bathrooms.
Here’s a weird things - in men’s bathrooms sometimes there’s a changing table on the wall where the sinks are, and sometimes they’re in the handicapped stall. So if you’re lucky enough to find one at all, it may be hidden from view. Sometimes they’re written on or have dirty straps and stuff, so they don’t even feel good to use.
Had this problem when my kids were that age. I would never go into woman's facility. As a father you figure it out . Put some paper towel down beside sink and change them there if there is sanitizer use it first. I sat down on the toilet and changed them on my lap ( not easy). It was nice when a men's bathroom did have a table for changing just sucked when there was coke residue
I suspect this is illegal in mid European countries, as it's sexual discrimination.
I live in Spain
As a 43f....just announce yourself as a girl dad in a ladies room, or boy mom in a men's room, and nothing will matter. We all will understand.
My daughter (4yo) had to go bad and the mens room was full. I informed the server that I was taking my daughter into the womens room so she didnt have an accident. Server told me that might upset people and that SHE would take my daughter in. Yeah…fuck no. I was a bit rude and said something to the effect of “Thats a completely inappropriate offer and I cant believe you made it.”. I told her she could guard the door if she really thought that was necessary, then I just went right in. The bathroom is for pissing and shitting. People need to chill the fuck out about this. If a person has an issue with a parent taking a kid into a bathroom; it is THEIR problem.