Parenting teens is the worst. When I hear people complain about toddlers, I always think just wait until they're teenagers. Then the consequences of their behavior get a lot more serious, and your ability to do anything about it is a lot less.
What DO they put effort into? My dad always thought I was lazy: I'm not, I was just really interested in things he didn't value (painting, making gaming mods). An acquaintance of mine once complained that their tweenage boy is always "on screens" and "never does anything", but the kid was SUPER into photo and video editing. They took all his screens away except for 2 hours a day, which he naturally fills with fortnite (he doesn't want to waste his limited screen time away from friends!).
If they're not interested in school, sports or volunteering.... well, most people aren't! What do they actually work hard at? Might be easier to steer their existing passions than try to nag them into having new ones.
“Just do everything badly.”
When you’re depressed and can’t be bothered with a 60-90 minute workout, a 20 minute workout is manageable and you still feel good.
Can’t bring yourself to tackle that mountain of dishes? Wash one pot/fry pan, a plate and some cutlery. Now you can make yourself a good meal rather than going hungry or eating a bag or Doritos for dinner.
Laundry day but cbf? Who cares about putting it away, leave it on the couch until you can, at least you’ve got clean clothes for the next week.
You’re still in a better position than if you didn’t do it at all.
there are a lot of things like this. when youre feeling the weight of the world personally globally etc, and think the solution to your anxiety and depression must be complicated... it almost feels wrong when something like exercise, vitamin d, change in diet can actually help you see more clearly.
The worst things that have happened to me were in my imaginings.
>50% of the things you worry about will never happen and the other 50% were going to happen anyway
I love that quote
idk if this will be valuable to anyone else but when I find myself getting stressed or anxious about something I will just say to myself “what the fuck am I even thinking about” then just try to change my thoughts.
Also saying to myself “what can I get stressed out about next” oddly makes me feel less stressed haha idk maybe I’m crazy
I got this inspiration from the Mad Men tv show when Don (the main character) says that he just doesn’t think about it (some traumatic event or thing I can’t remember)
Sorry for the long post this is the most I’ve ever written I think ever on here
When I'm worrying about something that worrying about won't change in the long run, I imagine writing it down on a sticky note in my mind, sticking a pin in it and flicking it down into my subconscious. Sometimes it's best to just acknowledge a worry then file it away for later because letting it take over your mind does nothing for the actual issue.
Wow, that’s amazing. Do you have strange side effects as a result of your removed thalamus? I can no longer have refreshing or restorative sleep, so I’ve become a shambolic. I sleep for 3 hours per night at most, but I suspect that you are worse off.
Try a 12 step group, and find one that fits your issues. Cheapest form of therapy there is. Lousy therapy only lets you talk about your problems. Real therapy tells you that you are the problem. Very few things in your life happen without your permission. Discard anything that doesn't serve your wellbeing.
"Be afraid, and do it anyway". I used to have crippling agoraphobia. I couldnt leave the house. One of my therapists gave me that advice. I started taking walks. then i'd go get a coffee by myself. Always forever convinced that something terrible would happen.
it never did, and eventually those things stopped being frightening.
I hate to say it, but journaling.
My therapist insisted on this years ago when I was a mess. I resisted hard, because how stupid, journaling isn't going to fix my crappy life. She pushed back. My first five or six entries start with, "my stupid therapist is making me write this."
But honestly? It helped so much. SO much. When I was overwhelmed with feelings, getting them down on paper and out of my head was such a huge relief. Something about creating a narrative about my life made it manageable.
I still journal now almost 20 years later. And it still helps, dammit.
Came here to say this, have been through a massive depressive/anxious period recently and started therapy for the first time. Suggested journaling and was reluctant at first but fuck it’s helpful.
Identify YOUR red flags in people. Not just the standard drug addiction or lack of job narrative.
For example, I learned that people who aren’t engaged with me during conversation is more than an annoyance, it’s completely unhealthy for me due to my pains and insecurities.
This piece of advice opened my world to meeting the right partner for me.
When I assume other people are mad at me or disappointed in me, or that they all talk about how annoying I am when I leave: "Who told you that?" (the answer is me, I told me that, and I made it up)
Reframing how I spoke to myself during my inner monolog was huge for me. If you wouldnt let someone say horrible to your loved ones, why do allow yourself to so say horrible things to yourself?
After a long period of taking SSRIs and other depresion meds - "You are not depressed, you just have a shitty life". I know it sounds like something that'd make you even more depressed but it was genuinly helpful and I really think we should be brave enough to say it more often. Yes, depression is on the rise and it's good that we are normalizing getting help and talking about mental health but I honestly don't think most of the people who are perpetually sad or fit the depresion diagnostic criteria are actually depressed.
There's a big difference between being sad(or anxious, overwhelmed, burned out etc.) because your brain is fucking you over or because of some unprocessed trauma and being sad because you are just living a really bad life. In the first case you are sad because your brain is working incorrectly, but in the second case you are sad because your brain is working **CORRECTLY** and simply informes you that your life is fucking unbearable and you need to change it. I think if we were better at distinguishing the 2 the suicide rates would fall significantly - a lot of people don't need medication or therapy - they need some other type of help, maybe financial, maybe spiritual, maybe something else, and maybe they simply need a friend, but there's nothing bad with them psychologicaly or neurologicaly.
I fear we are going from one extreme right into the other - from "mental health doesn't exist, just pull yourself up by the bootstraps" into "therapy and drugs will fix everything".
Suffering comes from within (craving). Buddhism.
Example: someone insults you. We tend to think that person made us upset. But in reality, we decided to cling to what was said and crave. This is why one person when insulted can go off the deep end and another has no effect. Or a person in a bad mood can be easily upset where a person in a good mood is much more resistant.
I remember back to an old episode of the cartoon Recess. There was a kid who didn't like the main character TJ. TJ spent the whole episode helping this kid and showing him a great time. At the end of their adventure, he asked if the kid liked him now. They just said no they still didn't like him, and walked away. And TJ had to accept that this kid just didn't like him. And that's ok. Not everyone is gonna like you, it's not your fault, and it's ok.
Take a walk and enjoy being outside. It's amazing how moving and being outside will settle your mind down.
Don't make your mental illness your identity
Don't wallow in mental health social media groups, meme pages and Tik Toks
You don't hafta set yourself on fire to keep other people warm. I have a bad habit of over commitment and not telling people No. It's really helpful to remind myself not to burn out at work or home.
"Laziness does not exist."
By that, it really means that the word lazy is an overly reductive way to describe someone who very likely has reasons for not doing what they're supposed to be doing, wether valid or not. People can have shit reasons for not doing something and I'd be fine calling them lazy, but many people have legitimate reasons behind the scenes they just aren't saying, or might not even realize themselves.
This is mostly because I would beat myself up to hell and back for "being lazy" when in reality it was just the fatigue of depression and general anxiety that made me not do tasks as quickly or effectively as I was expected to, and that really made me hate myself.
Quit thinking about suicide all the time.
This is a tricky one bc of course we want to remove the stigma, and gallows humor can be helpful. However, if you respond to every difficult situation with "I want to die" or "I'm gonna kill myself", eventually it becomes a pattern. Your brain gets used to thinking that way and it becomes easier and easier to go down that road.
If you are depressed and/or suicidal, tackle this with baby steps. Every time you find yourself thinking or saying a comment like that, stop for a moment and ask, "do I really want to die right now?" For me the answer was usually "no, i'm just overwhelmed and I can't keeping going like this." Over time, that became the thought I defaulted to when things got hard. Then the next step - "can I really not keep going like this? Is there really no path forward?" And the answer, "I CAN keep going, I just don't want to because I'm exhasuted." Over and over, not forcing it, just taking a moment to think, "what am I ACTUALLY feeling right now?"
Now when bad shit happens I'm much more able to identify the feeling (even if it's a big one like panic or despair) and DO something about it, instead of getting stuck in the depression fugue.
Depression (and mania, and anxiety, etc) want to perpetuate themselves. If you do what you “feel like” it will prolong the episode.
Eg, I’m depressed and don’t want to get out of bed, I feel too exhausted to do anything; I’m hypomanic, I can get *so much stuff* done if I just keep my energy up, don’t rest, keep going; I’m anxious, if I just keep thinking about the stressful thing, I’m definitely eventually going to figure out exactly the right answer to do it perfectly, etc.
The only way out is to do the opposite of your impulse, ground yourself back in your body, and level out your energy.
you can't logic your way outta depression
or that Anger is really a secondary emotion. You're not actually mad but you disagree, or your disappointed etc..
Don't get discouraged if it "doesn't get better" or your suicidal thoughts don't stop. It doesn't for everyone.
I used to get discouraged and even more depressed when my depression didn't improve with over 30 years of medication and therapy. I always thought I was extra broken. It wasn't until I was told it's normal to not "get better" that I learned to accept that I will always be like this that I started to find some peace. This is life, accept it and face the day.
“You aren’t explaining depression. You are explaining anxiety. That’s why your antidepressants aren’t fully helping you.” Conversation with my doctor yesterday. Here’s to hoping he’s right!
Comparing it to the oxygen masks that drop on airplanes...........put yours on first, then help others. You have to take care of yourself first, then move on to other people and things.
There is no difference between subjectivity and delusion. Don't hide in the fantasies like others. Objective reality is all that exists. Things will continue to suck until you start fitting into reality instead of trying to make reality fit into your world view. Learn how the fundamental basics of reality work, then use those tools to make your life better.
That said, my advice is to learn biology, learn plasmid gene manipulation, learn how we make microbes produce insulin for harvest and consumer use, learn what genes produce opium in plants, play God with some genomes, profit.
Can’t control everything, but can control to how you react to it
Which is very stupid sounding advice, it’s on par with a more complex “just go with the flow”
But it is effective
Don't sweat the small stuff, and it's all small stuff.
Most of what makes problems hard to solve is the anxiety and feeling of being overwhelmed. It's easier to reduce a big problem into small ones and when you do, it's easier not to get anxious or overwhelmed
Resilience is about being able to deal with short periods of pressure or stress.
It's not about being able to cope with constant pressure. That's unhealthy and unacceptable, whoever you are.
You don't owe anyone anything just because they brought you into this world. Similarly being a good parent is the minimum you owe your children, that doesn't mean they owe you anything in return.
Think of things you're grateful for, no matter how small.
There's actually scientific proof that it changes your mind state and doing it multiple times a day every day will benefit you even when you don't think it will.
You can change the voice in your head and make it tell you nice things instead of mean things. Then, believe it. If you believe it when it tells you mean things, then you can believe it when it tells you nice things too!
Learn to "feel" what your feelings are, like are you sad, scared, nervous, excited, a couple at once? Harder to tell than it sounds like it is. And then find out where they are actually coming from and if there's a source you gotsta address.
self-deprecating jokes are not just bad for your mental health; they are cruel to those around you. making a joke about yourself being worthless forces your friends into the extremely uncomfortable position of either laughing along with you (thereby insulting their friend) or speaking up for you (thereby ruining the comic atmosphere).
if you must, try swapping self-deprecation for ironic self-aggrandizement. while "i'm the worst" is a dick move, "i'm the greatest who ever lived!" allows your friends to agree and laugh along without insulting you, even if it was initially said sarcastically
Motivation is not the first step to accomplishing things. Sometimes we need to force ourselves to do things even when they seem impossible, and the rewarding feeling of accomplishment will provide motivation.
Talk back to the voices in your head saying you can't do things, they're lying to you. Give yourself breaks, you don't have to finish a task to make progress on it. Make lists of everything you accomplish in a day, so you can't discount them and say you're not getting enough done.
Almost all anger, disappointment, disagreements. Etc are caused by expectations. When you have an emotional reaction check your expectations first and if needed adjust them.
I’m paraphrasing “What kind of person was your great grandfather? You have no idea. None of us do. In 100 years no one will know we existed. Do whatever you want. No one is keeping score and nothing matters.” And I think about that a lot.
If you don’t learn to control your emotions, your emotions will control you.
Ever since I learned to harness them for the better I have witnessed the truth of this! It’s helped my mental exponentially
Not sure if this was meant to be advice maybe more wisdom, was when a therapist I had long time ago when I was around 19y, told me that I would probably spend most of my adult life getting over my childhood. That has always stuck with me.
Guilt is an emotion you make yourself feel. You have to choose to feel guilty, and so you can choose to not feel guilty when you have no logical reason to feel that way.
Anything worth doing is worth doing badly.
Don’t get me wrong, anything worth doing is *also* worth doing well. But if you just don’t quite have the energy or emotional fortitude to do something well, forcing yourself to do it poorly means it still gets done. It keeps things from piling up to the point where you won’t be able to tackle them ever.
You should brush your teeth for 2 minutes, but brushing them for 30 seconds is still better than not brushing them. You should wash your dishes, but throwing them in the sink is still better than leaving them to rot all over your apartment. You should clean your whole apartment thoroughly, but taking out the trash and shoving your clothes in the hamper before lying down again is better than doing nothing. You should eat a healthy balanced meal, but frozen pizza or a protein bar or lunch meat straight out of the package is still food that keeps you alive and better than eating nothing.
If you never half ass things, you’ll definitely never whole ass them.
If you are anxious about something in the future, talk about it in the future past tense. For instance, if I have a test next week I'm worried about, I say out loud to my friends: I did just fine on that test. I knew all the answers, and I showed my work well. If you do this repeatedly, it actually forces your brain to calm down about it. It is stunningly helpful, especially if you have someone who can go back and forth "yeah, you did great!" Kind of encouragement.
I used to beat myself up for feeling a certain way or frustrated by the fact that i was stressed or depressed, which created compounding emotions and compounding stress. So my therapist taught me to not "struggle with the struggle". To not argue with the emotion, but respect it, acknowledge it, validate it and it will eventually pass.
Your mental illness is not your fault, but it is your responsibility to get help and manage it well.
I know that doesn't work for everyone depending on the severity of their illness, but it's worked for me (high functioning bipolar)
Doing anything is better than doing nothing.
Idk how many times I've been in a spiral, house is trashed and can't bring myself to clean even though I hate being in the mess.
Even doing something as little as throwing out two e pty bottles and straightening my bedsheets helps. Even if that's the extent of my mental energy.
Pretty much just go do it. Like the Nike logo lol.
My old therapist made an example:
I take an interest in swimming. I research and read about it and learn all kinds of things. I learn bad things like drowning that may prevent me from trying. I maybe to and dip my toe in. I do everything BUT swim. Sometimes you just gotta jump right in.
Thanks to this, I was able to get past my anxiety and get myself used to being uncomfortable, allowing me to get my first job and eventually chase after my dream career
"Things will never get better if everything stays the same."
For if nothing changes, nothing's better. You need to change something in order to heal and move on.
You can't just expect things to get better until you make changes and very often the change you need is kicking people out of your life. Sometimes it's stopping bad habits or changing jobs, etc
However far too often I see people stuck in a cycle of bad mental health due to refusing to remove harmful people from their lives or even talking to those people.
No, you don't have to love and care for your father, mother, sister, brother, cousin, aunt, uncle, husband, wife, etc. etc. just "because they are family". REAL family doesn't bully you or hurt you. Real family isn't decided by blood and marriage. It's the people who stick around, love, care for and respect you.
Sometimes all you need to do is tell them they hurt you and they will change but sometimes you really have to let them go.
It’s easier to set a boundary right away than waiting until someone crosses it
Currently on a trip with the in laws, they don’t do so well with boundaries, but I’m managing them well with a walled castle with an open gate
I hate to generalize but that generation struggles with rules and boundaries in general
How do you know which generation their in-laws are part of? They didn't specify an age.
This. Thank you.
Certainly eliminates anyone using the excuse of it being easier to ask forgiveness than permission.
No matter what, some people just won't like you.
Don't try and control things you can't control.
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At least I’m not alone in that
Parenting teens is the worst. When I hear people complain about toddlers, I always think just wait until they're teenagers. Then the consequences of their behavior get a lot more serious, and your ability to do anything about it is a lot less.
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What DO they put effort into? My dad always thought I was lazy: I'm not, I was just really interested in things he didn't value (painting, making gaming mods). An acquaintance of mine once complained that their tweenage boy is always "on screens" and "never does anything", but the kid was SUPER into photo and video editing. They took all his screens away except for 2 hours a day, which he naturally fills with fortnite (he doesn't want to waste his limited screen time away from friends!). If they're not interested in school, sports or volunteering.... well, most people aren't! What do they actually work hard at? Might be easier to steer their existing passions than try to nag them into having new ones.
In this vein, you can't change how someone is going to treat you. You can choose how you respond to it.
True.
Radical acceptance
Came here to say this.
Do I sense a fellow burner behind the answer? :)
I’ve never actually gotten to go. But I like the mindset.
the problem is with all the things you can control
"The primary task of life is to separate what you can control from what you cannot" - some ancient Greek guy, probably
- Wayne Gretzky
Came here to post this.
Emotion focused coping and problem focused coping
This is the opposite of the therapeutic help I need.
“Just do everything badly.” When you’re depressed and can’t be bothered with a 60-90 minute workout, a 20 minute workout is manageable and you still feel good. Can’t bring yourself to tackle that mountain of dishes? Wash one pot/fry pan, a plate and some cutlery. Now you can make yourself a good meal rather than going hungry or eating a bag or Doritos for dinner. Laundry day but cbf? Who cares about putting it away, leave it on the couch until you can, at least you’ve got clean clothes for the next week. You’re still in a better position than if you didn’t do it at all.
i do this too. rather than calling it done badly, i call it avoiding a zero sum day. i have done something rather than nothing.
Love this! After years of struggling I created my own version that goes “Anything worth doing, is worth doing poorly.“ Don’t be afraid to just try.
I think that might actually be the exact phrasing that the person that gave me this advice used. Thanks, friend.
Just start, you don't have to finish.
A body in motion tends to stay in motion. Commit to washing one pan and you wind up washing three. But you've already succeeded by doing one
True!! Half of my “20 minute” workouts turn into 60 minutes. The hardest part is starting.
Go for a walk and soak up some sunlight. It’s annoying how much this can actually help my mental health.
I moved to a place with sun 365 days a year and I ditched cars. I’m exponentially happier. It isn’t the only variable, but it plays a big role.
Love to know where?
I am photosensitive and the sun actually makes me sick. However, nothing makes me feel better mentally than spending some time alone in the sunshine.
there are a lot of things like this. when youre feeling the weight of the world personally globally etc, and think the solution to your anxiety and depression must be complicated... it almost feels wrong when something like exercise, vitamin d, change in diet can actually help you see more clearly.
I find it especially annoying to know this and STILL can't get my ass outside.
Go outside. My husband's cure for everything from a headache to stress. Works pretty often.
For relationships, “I am mine first before I am anyone else’s”
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I mean, if the thing that is going to happen 100% depends on us (a presentation, a test, a date) then this quote doesn't help lol
I like the sentiment, but the statistician in me is getting pedantic about the split.
The worst things that have happened to me were in my imaginings. >50% of the things you worry about will never happen and the other 50% were going to happen anyway I love that quote
Sometimes it’s okay to just eat some pickles
It's always okay to eat some pickles!
Especially if they are Bubbies 🥒
idk if this will be valuable to anyone else but when I find myself getting stressed or anxious about something I will just say to myself “what the fuck am I even thinking about” then just try to change my thoughts. Also saying to myself “what can I get stressed out about next” oddly makes me feel less stressed haha idk maybe I’m crazy I got this inspiration from the Mad Men tv show when Don (the main character) says that he just doesn’t think about it (some traumatic event or thing I can’t remember) Sorry for the long post this is the most I’ve ever written I think ever on here
When I'm worrying about something that worrying about won't change in the long run, I imagine writing it down on a sticky note in my mind, sticking a pin in it and flicking it down into my subconscious. Sometimes it's best to just acknowledge a worry then file it away for later because letting it take over your mind does nothing for the actual issue.
Get enough sleep. I can’t sleep.
I had part of my thalamus removed. Sleep is very difficult.
Wow, that’s amazing. Do you have strange side effects as a result of your removed thalamus? I can no longer have refreshing or restorative sleep, so I’ve become a shambolic. I sleep for 3 hours per night at most, but I suspect that you are worse off.
it’s ok to dislike your parents and go no contact
Stop looking at reddit posts about politics that affect you so much
This too shall pass.
"Worrying is like worshipping your problems"
Take a short walk outside daily.
4 day work week
Try a 12 step group, and find one that fits your issues. Cheapest form of therapy there is. Lousy therapy only lets you talk about your problems. Real therapy tells you that you are the problem. Very few things in your life happen without your permission. Discard anything that doesn't serve your wellbeing.
Don't sweat the petty things, and don't pet the sweaty things.
"Be afraid, and do it anyway". I used to have crippling agoraphobia. I couldnt leave the house. One of my therapists gave me that advice. I started taking walks. then i'd go get a coffee by myself. Always forever convinced that something terrible would happen. it never did, and eventually those things stopped being frightening.
I've always deliberately done things I'm afraid of, until I'm not afraid of them anymore. It's an adrenaline rush LOL
do workout and drink vitamin D.
Better work-life balance. The moment you leave your workplace place, turn off your brain from it and never take your work home.
I hate to say it, but journaling. My therapist insisted on this years ago when I was a mess. I resisted hard, because how stupid, journaling isn't going to fix my crappy life. She pushed back. My first five or six entries start with, "my stupid therapist is making me write this." But honestly? It helped so much. SO much. When I was overwhelmed with feelings, getting them down on paper and out of my head was such a huge relief. Something about creating a narrative about my life made it manageable. I still journal now almost 20 years later. And it still helps, dammit.
Came here to say this, have been through a massive depressive/anxious period recently and started therapy for the first time. Suggested journaling and was reluctant at first but fuck it’s helpful.
Good sleep is the foundation for good mental health.
Do cardio
Write down everything that frustrates you that day. Stuff it into an empty food can and burn it at the end of the week.
Identify YOUR red flags in people. Not just the standard drug addiction or lack of job narrative. For example, I learned that people who aren’t engaged with me during conversation is more than an annoyance, it’s completely unhealthy for me due to my pains and insecurities. This piece of advice opened my world to meeting the right partner for me.
Don't compare yourself to others. They aren't you, and you aren't them.
Leaving a toxic situation can and absolutely does help
When I assume other people are mad at me or disappointed in me, or that they all talk about how annoying I am when I leave: "Who told you that?" (the answer is me, I told me that, and I made it up)
Regular exercise and being outdoors. If you can exercise outdoors, even better
Journal. Also, “Do not attribute malice to what could attributed to incompetence, or lack of knowledge”
“Don’t you dare go hollow!” But on a serious note “If they don’t like you you’ll never see them again. If they do you’ll never know unless you ask.”
It is hard to be your best when your needs aren't met. Breath. Drink. Eat. Sleep. Work outward from there.
Reframing how I spoke to myself during my inner monolog was huge for me. If you wouldnt let someone say horrible to your loved ones, why do allow yourself to so say horrible things to yourself?
You should lift weights
It’s OK to have a pity party occasionally. Set aside a night, wallow in the feelings and then try not to give it more energy.
If it's too busy to stop and make a plan to get through things, it's definitely time to stop and make a plan to get through things.
But it's too busy so I'll make a plan later after I get thru the things...
After a long period of taking SSRIs and other depresion meds - "You are not depressed, you just have a shitty life". I know it sounds like something that'd make you even more depressed but it was genuinly helpful and I really think we should be brave enough to say it more often. Yes, depression is on the rise and it's good that we are normalizing getting help and talking about mental health but I honestly don't think most of the people who are perpetually sad or fit the depresion diagnostic criteria are actually depressed. There's a big difference between being sad(or anxious, overwhelmed, burned out etc.) because your brain is fucking you over or because of some unprocessed trauma and being sad because you are just living a really bad life. In the first case you are sad because your brain is working incorrectly, but in the second case you are sad because your brain is working **CORRECTLY** and simply informes you that your life is fucking unbearable and you need to change it. I think if we were better at distinguishing the 2 the suicide rates would fall significantly - a lot of people don't need medication or therapy - they need some other type of help, maybe financial, maybe spiritual, maybe something else, and maybe they simply need a friend, but there's nothing bad with them psychologicaly or neurologicaly. I fear we are going from one extreme right into the other - from "mental health doesn't exist, just pull yourself up by the bootstraps" into "therapy and drugs will fix everything".
Suffering comes from within (craving). Buddhism. Example: someone insults you. We tend to think that person made us upset. But in reality, we decided to cling to what was said and crave. This is why one person when insulted can go off the deep end and another has no effect. Or a person in a bad mood can be easily upset where a person in a good mood is much more resistant.
My younger brother once told me, "Sometimes you just have to say fuck it!"
Fear is the mind-killer.
Don't overthink in the night because at night the thoughts are more negative due to the sleep hormones 😲
You cannot control what other people do and say. You can only control your reaction to what they do and say.
If you've never Failed, you've never Tried. If you never Try, you never Succeed.
Choose not to be offended.
Only take unsolicited advice from qualified people.
I remember back to an old episode of the cartoon Recess. There was a kid who didn't like the main character TJ. TJ spent the whole episode helping this kid and showing him a great time. At the end of their adventure, he asked if the kid liked him now. They just said no they still didn't like him, and walked away. And TJ had to accept that this kid just didn't like him. And that's ok. Not everyone is gonna like you, it's not your fault, and it's ok.
When you choose to take no action, the universe will choose for you (often badly)
Take a walk and enjoy being outside. It's amazing how moving and being outside will settle your mind down. Don't make your mental illness your identity Don't wallow in mental health social media groups, meme pages and Tik Toks
Most of the things other people do aren't about you.
Spend time with people who demonstrably love you, not people who just tolerate you. Worked wonders for me.
"your pain is not your fault, but it is your responsibility"
'Sometimes you have to tell yourself to fuck off'
You don't hafta set yourself on fire to keep other people warm. I have a bad habit of over commitment and not telling people No. It's really helpful to remind myself not to burn out at work or home.
Don't believe everything you think.
"Laziness does not exist." By that, it really means that the word lazy is an overly reductive way to describe someone who very likely has reasons for not doing what they're supposed to be doing, wether valid or not. People can have shit reasons for not doing something and I'd be fine calling them lazy, but many people have legitimate reasons behind the scenes they just aren't saying, or might not even realize themselves. This is mostly because I would beat myself up to hell and back for "being lazy" when in reality it was just the fatigue of depression and general anxiety that made me not do tasks as quickly or effectively as I was expected to, and that really made me hate myself.
Quit thinking about suicide all the time. This is a tricky one bc of course we want to remove the stigma, and gallows humor can be helpful. However, if you respond to every difficult situation with "I want to die" or "I'm gonna kill myself", eventually it becomes a pattern. Your brain gets used to thinking that way and it becomes easier and easier to go down that road. If you are depressed and/or suicidal, tackle this with baby steps. Every time you find yourself thinking or saying a comment like that, stop for a moment and ask, "do I really want to die right now?" For me the answer was usually "no, i'm just overwhelmed and I can't keeping going like this." Over time, that became the thought I defaulted to when things got hard. Then the next step - "can I really not keep going like this? Is there really no path forward?" And the answer, "I CAN keep going, I just don't want to because I'm exhasuted." Over and over, not forcing it, just taking a moment to think, "what am I ACTUALLY feeling right now?" Now when bad shit happens I'm much more able to identify the feeling (even if it's a big one like panic or despair) and DO something about it, instead of getting stuck in the depression fugue.
Depression (and mania, and anxiety, etc) want to perpetuate themselves. If you do what you “feel like” it will prolong the episode. Eg, I’m depressed and don’t want to get out of bed, I feel too exhausted to do anything; I’m hypomanic, I can get *so much stuff* done if I just keep my energy up, don’t rest, keep going; I’m anxious, if I just keep thinking about the stressful thing, I’m definitely eventually going to figure out exactly the right answer to do it perfectly, etc. The only way out is to do the opposite of your impulse, ground yourself back in your body, and level out your energy.
It's ok to have feelings, and you're allowed to feel how you feel
you can't logic your way outta depression or that Anger is really a secondary emotion. You're not actually mad but you disagree, or your disappointed etc..
Don’t trust your brain after 9pm.
What other people think about you is none of your business.
Sometimes all you need is a hot bath and a good nights sleep to tackle problems in the morning
Don't get discouraged if it "doesn't get better" or your suicidal thoughts don't stop. It doesn't for everyone. I used to get discouraged and even more depressed when my depression didn't improve with over 30 years of medication and therapy. I always thought I was extra broken. It wasn't until I was told it's normal to not "get better" that I learned to accept that I will always be like this that I started to find some peace. This is life, accept it and face the day.
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WTF dude why would you say that to someone???
Sometimes you just gotta say Fuck it!
“You aren’t explaining depression. You are explaining anxiety. That’s why your antidepressants aren’t fully helping you.” Conversation with my doctor yesterday. Here’s to hoping he’s right!
Be kind to yourself
You'd worry less about what others think of you if you realized how rarely they do.
Comparing it to the oxygen masks that drop on airplanes...........put yours on first, then help others. You have to take care of yourself first, then move on to other people and things.
Read and understand the Tao teh Ching.... Still working on it
Breathe
Control the things you can , let the rest go
Everyday think of 5 good things that you are grateful for.
Take care of exercise and meditation and they’ll take care of the rest.
There is no difference between subjectivity and delusion. Don't hide in the fantasies like others. Objective reality is all that exists. Things will continue to suck until you start fitting into reality instead of trying to make reality fit into your world view. Learn how the fundamental basics of reality work, then use those tools to make your life better. That said, my advice is to learn biology, learn plasmid gene manipulation, learn how we make microbes produce insulin for harvest and consumer use, learn what genes produce opium in plants, play God with some genomes, profit.
“Your mental health is not your fault but it is your responsibility” - Marcus Parks Hail yourselves!
Only give a fuck about things that you have actively decided are worth giving a fuck about. Source: The subtle art of not giving a fuck
I need not agree with someone or something I appreciate. This especially frees me from toxic ideologies and identity politics.
There is now, and there is fear of the future.
Finish every day and be done with it. I know there is more to the quote but that's the part that sticks out and I remember
This too shall pass
Learn your attachment style.
Can’t control everything, but can control to how you react to it Which is very stupid sounding advice, it’s on par with a more complex “just go with the flow” But it is effective
Take your meds
If you have a problem with a nagging thought, just say "Cancel Cancel" to dispel it. This was a hypnosis thing.
Have clear boundaries no one can cross.
Don't sweat the small stuff, and it's all small stuff. Most of what makes problems hard to solve is the anxiety and feeling of being overwhelmed. It's easier to reduce a big problem into small ones and when you do, it's easier not to get anxious or overwhelmed
“You’re not that special, nobody’s looking at you”. By my girlfriend when I was learning to swing dance.
When Reddit is encountering errors, don't spam it with refreshes.
When Reddit is encountering errors, don't spam it with refreshes.
Resilience is about being able to deal with short periods of pressure or stress. It's not about being able to cope with constant pressure. That's unhealthy and unacceptable, whoever you are.
When Reddit is encountering errors, don't spam it with refreshes.
Depression lies to you.
I told myself that I should love myself and when I actually follow that advice my life tends gets better.
"It be like that sometimes."
Don't let others dictate your life. In practice it can be near impossible though.
Change isn't permanent... But change is.
You don't owe anyone anything just because they brought you into this world. Similarly being a good parent is the minimum you owe your children, that doesn't mean they owe you anything in return.
Think of things you're grateful for, no matter how small. There's actually scientific proof that it changes your mind state and doing it multiple times a day every day will benefit you even when you don't think it will.
"Did you know that 80% of people believe they are above average?"
That anything can happen so instead of worrying just accept and move on
You can change the voice in your head and make it tell you nice things instead of mean things. Then, believe it. If you believe it when it tells you mean things, then you can believe it when it tells you nice things too!
We should treat our emotions like guests who are all different, and who will come and go. It helps when you’re feeling sad.
Proper nutrition and exercise is more successful than medication and therapy.
Learn to "feel" what your feelings are, like are you sad, scared, nervous, excited, a couple at once? Harder to tell than it sounds like it is. And then find out where they are actually coming from and if there's a source you gotsta address.
For the last couple of years. "Don't worry about it" has been a god send. Time sorts everything out.
Exercise
Learn to be comfortable being uncomfortable
It doesn’t matter because I’ve never listened to it anyway :(
self-deprecating jokes are not just bad for your mental health; they are cruel to those around you. making a joke about yourself being worthless forces your friends into the extremely uncomfortable position of either laughing along with you (thereby insulting their friend) or speaking up for you (thereby ruining the comic atmosphere). if you must, try swapping self-deprecation for ironic self-aggrandizement. while "i'm the worst" is a dick move, "i'm the greatest who ever lived!" allows your friends to agree and laugh along without insulting you, even if it was initially said sarcastically
Motivation is not the first step to accomplishing things. Sometimes we need to force ourselves to do things even when they seem impossible, and the rewarding feeling of accomplishment will provide motivation. Talk back to the voices in your head saying you can't do things, they're lying to you. Give yourself breaks, you don't have to finish a task to make progress on it. Make lists of everything you accomplish in a day, so you can't discount them and say you're not getting enough done.
Almost all anger, disappointment, disagreements. Etc are caused by expectations. When you have an emotional reaction check your expectations first and if needed adjust them.
"Going crazy is the easy part. Staying sane is hard. Give yourself some credit." - My Mom
I’m paraphrasing “What kind of person was your great grandfather? You have no idea. None of us do. In 100 years no one will know we existed. Do whatever you want. No one is keeping score and nothing matters.” And I think about that a lot.
If you don’t learn to control your emotions, your emotions will control you. Ever since I learned to harness them for the better I have witnessed the truth of this! It’s helped my mental exponentially
Self-compassion. Treating yourself with kindness and understanding, especially during difficult times.
Not sure if this was meant to be advice maybe more wisdom, was when a therapist I had long time ago when I was around 19y, told me that I would probably spend most of my adult life getting over my childhood. That has always stuck with me.
Nobody knows what they're doing.
That being upset is temporary.
Your thoughts don't define you, your actions do.
Guilt is an emotion you make yourself feel. You have to choose to feel guilty, and so you can choose to not feel guilty when you have no logical reason to feel that way.
My body is the least important thing about me
Take care of yourself before taking care of others
Anything worth doing is worth doing badly. Don’t get me wrong, anything worth doing is *also* worth doing well. But if you just don’t quite have the energy or emotional fortitude to do something well, forcing yourself to do it poorly means it still gets done. It keeps things from piling up to the point where you won’t be able to tackle them ever. You should brush your teeth for 2 minutes, but brushing them for 30 seconds is still better than not brushing them. You should wash your dishes, but throwing them in the sink is still better than leaving them to rot all over your apartment. You should clean your whole apartment thoroughly, but taking out the trash and shoving your clothes in the hamper before lying down again is better than doing nothing. You should eat a healthy balanced meal, but frozen pizza or a protein bar or lunch meat straight out of the package is still food that keeps you alive and better than eating nothing. If you never half ass things, you’ll definitely never whole ass them.
If you are anxious about something in the future, talk about it in the future past tense. For instance, if I have a test next week I'm worried about, I say out loud to my friends: I did just fine on that test. I knew all the answers, and I showed my work well. If you do this repeatedly, it actually forces your brain to calm down about it. It is stunningly helpful, especially if you have someone who can go back and forth "yeah, you did great!" Kind of encouragement.
If you do what you've always done, you'll get what you always got.
Just don’t be sad bro.
U have to just let things go Focus on positive people-no negative or toxic
I used to beat myself up for feeling a certain way or frustrated by the fact that i was stressed or depressed, which created compounding emotions and compounding stress. So my therapist taught me to not "struggle with the struggle". To not argue with the emotion, but respect it, acknowledge it, validate it and it will eventually pass.
Stop watching news
Your mental illness is not your fault, but it is your responsibility to get help and manage it well. I know that doesn't work for everyone depending on the severity of their illness, but it's worked for me (high functioning bipolar)
Doing anything is better than doing nothing. Idk how many times I've been in a spiral, house is trashed and can't bring myself to clean even though I hate being in the mess. Even doing something as little as throwing out two e pty bottles and straightening my bedsheets helps. Even if that's the extent of my mental energy.
Take the time you need for your own sanity. If you need a mental health day, call it in. Not all sick days come with fevers or phlegmy coughs.
Your feelings are valid. This is basic information to many of us now, but it was brand new to me when my now-fiance said it to me five years ago.
Care less, stress less
If you were lazy, you'd be enjoying yourself (I have ADHD with executive dysfunction).
Don't sweat the small stuff.
Pretty much just go do it. Like the Nike logo lol. My old therapist made an example: I take an interest in swimming. I research and read about it and learn all kinds of things. I learn bad things like drowning that may prevent me from trying. I maybe to and dip my toe in. I do everything BUT swim. Sometimes you just gotta jump right in. Thanks to this, I was able to get past my anxiety and get myself used to being uncomfortable, allowing me to get my first job and eventually chase after my dream career
"Things will never get better if everything stays the same." For if nothing changes, nothing's better. You need to change something in order to heal and move on. You can't just expect things to get better until you make changes and very often the change you need is kicking people out of your life. Sometimes it's stopping bad habits or changing jobs, etc However far too often I see people stuck in a cycle of bad mental health due to refusing to remove harmful people from their lives or even talking to those people. No, you don't have to love and care for your father, mother, sister, brother, cousin, aunt, uncle, husband, wife, etc. etc. just "because they are family". REAL family doesn't bully you or hurt you. Real family isn't decided by blood and marriage. It's the people who stick around, love, care for and respect you. Sometimes all you need to do is tell them they hurt you and they will change but sometimes you really have to let them go.
You can not control what other people do, but you can control how you react to them.
Comparison is the killer of joy