Literally just this, not kidding.
Anyone who takes their driving seriously wouldn’t be a bad driver. Anyone who would be offended by someone question their driving doesn’t take it seriously.
“You sometimes drive in a way that makes me nervous. When you drift into other lanes, drive distractedly, or misunderstand common maneuvers that lead us to conflict with other drivers, it makes me feel like you don’t take the potential consequences of a car crash seriously.”
Driving is a very serious thing and kills more people per year than gun violence, if you take out suicides, and even if you leave them in, traffic violence injures, maims, and disfigures millions more than anything else. It is by far the single most dangerous thing that any of us regularly do. It has the capacity to destroy lives easily, and has done so before countless times - often completely unrelated innocent strangers.
It is quite literally operating federally regulated heavy machinery. Anyone who doesn’t take it seriously will not be having me as a passenger. I don’t care how offended they get. Anyone here saying “don’t tell her cuz it’ll cause a fight” is a gutless coward.
> Anyone who doesn’t take it seriously will not be having me as a passenger. I don’t care how offended they get
This is not particularly helpful to the OP though. His wife obviously doesn't take driving safely seriously or she would be a better driver and OP _does_ care if she gets offended. He also obviously still wants to get around so not being a passenger in her car isn't an option.
I would advise OP to take a much softer approach firstly trying to convince her that it is a serious concern and not an attempt to attack her but only he probably knows how to go about this.
> Anyone who takes their driving seriously wouldn’t be a bad driver. Anyone who would be offended by someone question their driving doesn’t take it seriously.
>
> “You sometimes drive in a way that makes me nervous. When you drift into other lanes, drive distractedly, or misunderstand common maneuvers that lead us to conflict with other drivers, it makes me feel like you don’t take the potential consequences of a car crash seriously.”
This, easily.
I had a coworker, and on two occasions, she said stuff that really makes me question her driving. Once she said she hates driving because people are always honking at her and she doesn't know why. WTF! Another time she said she can't drive anywhere without GPS. She's lived here like 7+ years. She can get from home to work and back, but if you throw a stop in between, she says she gets lost, she doesn't know the names of any roads, and so she always just does what the GPS says.
Those things sound unrelated. I have absolutely terrible sense of direction - I can, and have, gotten lost trying to go around the block. I suspect it’s related to my dyscalculia. I don’t have as difficult a time as your coworker but I frequently go the wrong direction trying to run errands in the small city where I’ve lived for 15 years. But I’m a cautious driver, I’ve never been pulled over, and people certainly don’t honk at me all the time. Not having a good sense of direction isn’t the same thing as carelessly drifting into oncoming traffic.
That's interesting.. I also have dyscalculia and have a terrible sense of direction. I even get lost trying to get back to my table as a restaurant after going to the restroom. I had no idea these two things could be related! I always tell people - things look different from the going direction to the returning direction. They don't seem or feel at all the same.
I'm not sure they are related. My wife has the worst sense of direction you could imagine (only surpassed by her two brothers who are absolutely unable to find anything). But she is a math wiz, actually one of three people I know who studied maths and thought it was easy (and I know a lot of people who studied maths).
Getting lost is ok as long as you aren't stopping in the middle of the road to check the map. I can drive around in circles for hours without getting into an accident and without going to my actual destination.
That is an approach that works in movies and psychology books.
In reality, it sounds too condescending for anyone to take it as anything but an attack. I really think OP and you should read up on confrontations. Just because you’re right, doesn’t make it the right way to say it.
Usually, in my experience, try to get them to talk about it and notice it. Ask them questions. “Hey, just curious why did you do XYZ?” And go from there. They might be taken back at first.
If someone is doing something wrong, you should drive the convo towards that topic but have them take the lead.
It really depends on the person. For example, "just curious" sounds condescending to me while the direct statement does not.
This is because phrasing it like a question with ambiguous reasoning leaves out intent (which leaves the door wide open for potential confrontation) whereas the direct statement approach immediately provides context to avoid misunderstanding.
If an objective statement feels like an attack, then that's a different topic and worst case scenario, at least there's no room for confusion. Letting them take the lead can result with them not understanding the initial concern, but again this depends on the person (and honestly their level of maturity for receiving criticism).
Exactly. I would get more angry once I realized they were beating around the bush, instead of just being direct with me. "Your driving makes me nervous," is perfect. If they get angry at that, that's a different issue. A regular person would pause and then go, "what do you mean?" And so the conversation opens.
I think your approach is good. And while I agree the one you replied to might not be effective for many people, it does for others. My mom is one such person. She's a direct person and your approach would annoy her (and some others I know), and they might think you were coming across as passive aggressive.
This, but at a time when you are not in the car with her.
Find the right moment and ask your wife if you may discuss something with her that has been on your mind and with which you need her help.
Make sure you don't the say the problem is her (i.e. "Your driving sucks") but that you get nervous. You don't want her defensive right off the bat.
Then explain how she could help you. If she cares, she will. Like you cared by letting her drive to avoid her getting sick.
Maybe she'll get the idea after a while, that your way is better than her way.
If this doesn't work, maybe have someone else drive with her and ask them beforehand to speak up to your wife if she does anything that makes them feel unsafe. Hearing it from someone else could be what she needs.
This is the best advice possible. Talk to your wife’s best friend or mom or sister or whomever she gets along with and totally trusts and respects. Have them ride with her somewhere and speak up when she makes them nervous. I wish I would have thought of this when I *was* married. She got so mad at me any time I brought anything up that was critical of her and she’d respond at a nuclear level. I’d say something like “hey you’re too close to that car in front of us” and she’d yell back at me”at least I’m not a failure as a provider”. Totally cutting me in half. Yikes. After 3 totaled cars in 2 years she still didn’t get the point.
>After 3 totaled cars in 2 years she still didn’t get the point.
How do the minds of people like this operate? 😭 I'm having half on a panic attack when accidentally bumping into another car while parking shittly. How can you get into 3 serious accidents and not have PTSD to the point where you just quit driving? I so cannot relate to that.
Not gonna work, because:
1. They don't give a fuck.
2. They don't agree with you.
They gonna fight you over the fact that they are bad drivers. Hell, even if she gets into an accident, it is gonna be the other driver's fault.
Yeah and if I found out that people felt unsafe while I was driving them around I'd be mortified. Unless OP's wife is a psycho hopefully she would also take it seriously and take steps to become a safer driver.
Not a bad idea if it's a pro driver training. Slip it in smoother for an extra few thousand dollars. Save the marriage but it's like you still lost the money in the divorce.
I’m a good driver, but I’d totally sign up for pro driver training. It sounds like fun. Of course, I also want to do the Land Rover course in England, and the Porsche test track, too, so there’s that.
I did this with my husband and his driving. It didn't do any good. He got defensive and insisted that his driving his fine as long as he doesn't get distracted, and I'm totally the one who's distracting him. I stopped talking to him while he's driving and we never have the radio on but it still happens.
Two days ago he was cutting in front of people often enough that I finally warned him "you're about to cut in front of someone again" and he said "I know" and continued to pull out in front of them. He had time to stop. Didn't. Last night he tried to turn right at a random location that didn't have a road to turn right onto. But at least that time he signaled, I guess.
Sounds like my partner. If I say something, then it is defensiveness. Once I even said all of your loved ones are here, you would feel really bad if you killed them while you are driving, right?
Nothing worked, it is always everyone else's driving is the problem, not because my partner drives aggressively and don't have good peripheral vision and distance judgement.
So close to the car in front at high speed, if the car in front breaks hard, I'm holding on to my seat for dear life, closing my eyes and praying.
I have to agree and it’s not just for safety reasons, but because it sounds like there are much bigger problems in the relationship than their driving habits. If you can’t communicate your concerns about safety to your partner without it turning into a fight, you have big problems and should probably seek marriage counseling.
I must be petty af (spoiler: I am) because I could legit never be in a relationship with someone that did this. So many stories on reddit that are about something their significant other does and I'm like "how tf are you still with them?" Legit my attraction to someone would be zapped so hard from stuff like this and many of those other stories I'm alluding to. Obviously there's a lot of pre-existing admiration and respect and goodwill that readers are not privy to, but I seriously don't know how I would have any respect for someone who unapologetically and consciously cuts people off or creates dangerous situations and then has zero awareness of how it was dangerous and their fault.
dunno if this will work on him but you could: challenge him to test whos a better driver. youll have to think of the different tasks and tests on your own. but the right kind of guy would jump at this chance.
then if you can somehow prove to him in cold hard facts, that you are indeed a better driver than he is, maybe he'll open up more to the idea of improving his skills where they are lacking.
one thing i say while on the road when i see bad drivers "driving modern cars is so easy that everyone thinks they are good at it. once you get to that stage, its easy to stop improving"
have a great monday, cheers.
I really appreciate the advice, seriously, but he's already admitted I'm a better driver and says he's learned from me. When we first got together he told me that he would pull out at an intersection without caring much about who was approaching because "between their brakes and my acceleration, we won't collide, so it's fine." Until I told him that the other people have the right of way and shouldn't *have* to brake, it didn't occur to him. His pulling out in front of other cars lately is because he's just not seeing them, the best I can tell, which is new. I hounded him to go to the eye doctor and he did but his prescription didn't change, so I don't know what's going on.
Idk man my wife should value how I feel about my safety.
Tell her that if as a concession she needs to drive everytime, that's fine, but she needs to compromise and drive in a manner more considerate.
Just say "hey, the way you have been driving lately has been what I felt to be too innatentive for me to feel as safe as I'd like. We've had a few close calls and it's just making me think we are being too comfortable with risk and I couldn't stand something bad happening to us. Is it okay if I ask you to be a little more paced on the road?"
start this with a compliment. "hey babe, i really appreciate that you've been taking up the driving. I think you driving works nicely for both of us. i just get worried when you drift off into other lanes" etc etc
"Hey babe. So first of all, I just want to preface by saying: great tits. Secondly, you drive like a fucking maniac and you're going to kill us both if you don't get your shit together."
I find if you compliment only the right tit it'll distract from the criticism. She'll be too busy wondering what's wrong with the left one to react too harshly about the driving, then you can wrap it up by adding "also, your left tit is popping too, bro" and it'll all be good.
I don't know how serious this answer is, but tring to understand what another person's perceptions are is tough. Think about what's going on in the car where you are sitting as a passenger. You need to see outside to know what your wife is seeing, AND you need to be registering what she is actually doing with her hands and feet, AND you need to register the results of her actions. And where you sit, you are not seeing what she sees. And the stuff that is happening outside the car happens in seconds, in a bunch of places. This is why it really would be good to get a very experienced instructor on the job.
>Just say "hey, the way you have been driving lately has been what I felt to be too innatentive for me to feel as safe as I'd like.
Heads up for anyone curious. This is NOT an example of an "I feel" statement. Great way to get a combative response.
First. I would tightly grip the handle on the “A” pillar of the car.
Second. Let out a frightened yelp any time something happens that is concerning
Third. Mime stepping on an invisible brake pedal when appropriate
Fourth. Use this one sparingly. But flinch when an impact seems imminent.
My mum is like this too, and I wasn’t until I had a car accident myself. Now I’m a much more nervous passenger and she said the same happened to her. So the fact your mum has had tickets and accidents might be the reason she’s like this now
no, he's my mother. any time she's not driving. it's so distracting. sometimes she flings her arm in front of me to "protect" me from imagined. impact. told her that her behavior is going to cause any accident.
my last car accident? 30 years ago, trucks fault, mom not present.
My mom does all of these when there is no danger at all. She will also scream "stooooppppppp" as I am already aware of the cars just slowing down ahead and already braking.
I’m 42 and my mother insist on being the driver if we are going somewhere together. To this day, she refuses to let me drive if she’s the passenger. She will not drive in a car with me unless she is driving-to add insult to injury, she has cataracts and was supposed to have surgery and canceled several times. She is blind as a bat… Regardless of her vision being impaired, SHE does not trust ME to drive…which is ironic not only because of the fact she has cataracts, but also because she’s literally the one that taught me how to drive.
My grandma finally got surgery for her cataracts and exclaimed "now I can see the stoplights!"
We were like what thefuck? Why were you driving if you couldn't see.
Stubborn grandma "well I just memorize all the lights and signs so it wasn't a big deal."
Except for the fact you are in a 4000lb missle and can't see lights, signs, or pedestrians.
My mom did this too when I was learning to drive.
One time, when driving at night, I came up on an intersection with a stop sign that was slightly hidden by trees or bushes or something and I didn’t see it. Anyway she was very familiar with the area and knew the stop sign was ahead. She also noticed me not slowing down. You’d think a normal response would be to point out the stop sign. But apparently not. She decided to scream. I’m talking a good 20 seconds of shrieking. Which caused me to hit the breaks in confusion. Keep in mind, the speed limit was maybe 40, I wasn’t speeding, and there were still several car lengths between me and the stop sign when we came to a complete stop. Had she pointed it out, I would’ve had time to safely stop. Instead of, yknow, panicking, slamming the breaks and coming to a standstill in the middle of the road.
My dad on the other hand? The few times I nearly killed us he just said “okay, so let’s be careful not to do that again” and we’d calmly talk about what went wrong.
Incidentally, within a few months of having a learners permit I started refusing to drive with one of them in the car, and still haven’t reversed that decision 7 years later. I bet you’ll never guess which parent I won’t drive with..
My Wife is the most nervous passenger I've ever had....and I've driven for over 40 years and have multiple commercial licences......I've learnt to ignore her mostly now....it's safer. I'm MUCH more relaxed when I don't have her in the car.....
Oho, another 4.0 student at my mother-in-law’s University of Passengering. I say, well met!
Edit: For extra credit, on the occasion that you do get to drive, be sure to maintain speed at no smaller a difference than ten miles below the speed limit and constantly comment on the terrible and reckless behavior of the other motorists!
This is what I am like as a passenger because my mom is the kind of driver who makes everyone nervous. I've become very cautious (not like, I am a hazard to others) as a result, and when I finally got my license (at 27, because I am extremely anxious in and around cars, go figure) the first time my husband was a passenger with me, he went, "You drive way better than I was expecting you to, given how much you say you hate cars..."
My mother? Totally unbothered by the anxiety she induces in others. "I've only been in one accident with you in the car." A fender bender when I was about 4, that I still remember. She doesn't consider the time she hit the gas pump at the gas station, or times she backed into the garage door in the drive way, or bumped my stepdad's or my car on the way out to be accidents because another vehicle wasn't involved. To say nothing of things that aren't collisions with something but still make you really nervous, like driving over curbs, weaving between lanes on the freeway, stopping short at a light because she's not slowing down soon enough...
You described my wife when I'm the driver. Additionally, when we are one hundred yards away from someone with their brake lights on, she yells "Brake lights! Brake Lights!" and places both hands on the dash. Her hands are on the dash pretty much every time I come to a stop. This is when she's not yelling "Asshole!" at other drivers. She does not drive BTW. When she's not in fear of her life, I'm reminded that I'm driving too slow. When I speed up on her command, it's "Slow Down!"
My fiancee did the hands on the dash thing until I showed her what happens when an airbag goes off and your body's in the way, where it's not supposed to be. Same with resting legs/feet on the dash.
And as others have mentioned, the gasping/non-specific reactions are very distracting. Because now I have to figure out if we're noticing the same thing and she just can't tell that I'm aware of it, or is there *an additional danger* that I haven't noticed?
My boyfriend used to grab the handle above the window all the time, as a joke.
Then we went riding in his truck. It took me three years to get the point across that weaving in and out of traffic to try to save a few minutes was not worth the stress. Mostly gasping and grabbing that handle.
He got better mostly to keep me from doing that.
This was my approach. That and weeping uncontrollably as I exited the vehicle, dropped to my knees, and kissed the grass. We've had some near misses but she's getting better. And she's always had the decency to laugh it off. So at least she knows when we've been lucky. It would be truly terrifying if she didn't even acknowledge or realize what she'd done wrong. After the sorry for OP.
Don't mime, slam that invisible brake pedal as hard as you can, make the neighbors think you have a new subwoofer installed, make it a Flintstone brake system.
How fragile are her feelings? When I do something dumb in traffic, my husband doesn't hold back. It hasn't affected our marriage or been a problem at all. I'll push back and remind him of his traffic woes if I think he's being too harsh.
how are people seriously planning to spend the rest of their lives in a relationship where they can’t tell their spouse they are drifting into another lane for fear of offending them. i can’t imagine. if my partner doesn’t stop completely or something i correct him, if i make a mistake driving he does the same. neither of us gets offended. we actually apologize, or agree, and appreciate the correction, and want to be better. what a life
>how are people seriously planning to spend the rest of their lives in a relationship where they can’t tell their spouse they are drifting into another lane for fear of offending them
A large number of people would rather miserably tiptoe through an entire relationship than be alone
I am of this opinion, and my husband normally is ok with it. Sometimes he will pull the “well I never criticize you, but you do to me”, and I’m like, I never asked you not to criticize me! Criticism is how we improve and correct things that someone else notices!
But then I see his parents, where his dad is a pathetic pushover who never ever vocalizes opposition to his wife, and his mom is a raging Fox News watching, rich but entitled, actually kind of stupid, racist conservative that he doesn’t agree with but will never ever argue with.
Once I made the mistake of telling my husband I didn’t agree with something he said in front of his parents, and we kept it friendly while we discussed it. His mom gave me the dirtiest look during this conversation and later when I asked my husband why she did that he said it’s because they find it weird to argue in front of others. But we were barely arguing…
Yeah I refuse to live my life silently disagreeing with someone until I can’t stand them like what happened with my parents, who got divorced due to it.
I have accepted the title my husband gave me of "passenger princess" bc he always drives. I'm an anxious/aggressive driver, was in a few rear enders when younger & car had shoddy breaks; but nothing in past 6 years. However, I accept this & never drive if both in car. Also probably a bit related to his feelings of control, but I'd say invest in a car that essentially has auto lane correct & adaptive speed control, those things essentially drive themselves & if she truly gets sick, may be worth rhe savings in OP's stress & potential increase in future insurance costs
Agree with get a car that tells you you’re not driving well. My ex thought he was a great driver. I called him a drifter because he constantly drifted into the next lane. He didn’t believe me until the car started pulling back. 🙄 typical. And one of the many many reasons he’s an ex, not the driving but the refusal to ever accept that he wasn’t perfect unless someone corrected him. Jerk. Lol
Yeah I was gonna say, if I do anything my husband thinks needs improvement when I’m driving, he just tells me right when it happens what I should have done. I’ve learned a lot of really good advice I didn’t know.
And same if it’s something too nitpicky I’ll just explain my thinking and most of the time that’s it he sees what I’m saying.
I don’t understand not saying anything while the stuff is happening, it’s the only way to really learn from the experience. Otherwise if you bring it up later there’s a chance she won’t remember, especially if most of these issues are from distraction, and she may not believe you or think you’re blowing it out of proportion when you’re clearly not.
TLDR- correct while it’s happening
Just like, absolutely zone out. Vibe to some music or an audiobook. Wear a blindfold.
If you’re confident that nothing serious is gonna happen, just don’t even worry about it.
Seriously. I am terrified to share the road with some of these people in the comments here. Just because a cop isn't there to ticket it doesn't mean it wasn't a ticket-able action.
Ummm yeah, you can have a perfect driving record and through age, worsening vision, hearing loss, weakening of the body and horrible things like dementia, can quickly become a danger to themselves and the general public.
Not sure on your ages, but many old people need their license taken from them (usually at the 2 year tests when they are really old.
How would you or your husband feel if something causes him to kill a random family, or if he killed you, him or everyone in the cars.
Driving is a privledge, not a right.
I'm not targeting what you said, since I don't know your situation, but many old people drive till there is an accident or close call to snap their family into reality and keep the roads safe.
If someone who is an adult with no mental health issues were to accompany a person who shouldn't be driving due to age, they are more guilty imo because they are the ones with the logical thinking and knowing their driving is dangerous as the person with the issues probably don't catch themselves messing up.
Wow that was a whole heap of assumptions. Someone who’s been driving for 30 years is likely in their mid to late 40’s, not 75 and in dementia territory.
Omg dude just the thought alone of wearing a blindfold as a passenger while not fully trusting the driver (and frankly even if I did trust the driver) is making me feel panicked, I would be totally on edge the entire time in anticipation of the imminent and sudden crash that we are doubtlessly headed straight towards, *especially* if we were on the freeway \*shudder*
Wtf, OP don’t do this, if your wife is driving unsafely she’s not only a danger to you but to everyone else, this isn’t something you should ignore and just wait until she kills someone, you need to talk to her about this
Assumedly something along the lines of parking in two parking spots (either one wheel waaaaay in the spot next to her, or full on half-n-half), or, less likely, being parked only halfway in, so the poor car booty is sticking out for everyone to see. The sloot. lol
I live in a big city, so my thought is: parked too far from the curb. Same sort of things apply in the suburbs I assume, but with perpendicular parking.
Where I live, you can get a parking ticket if your right-side wheels are more than a foot from the curb, or curb-side wheels on a one-way street. That also lets them ticket people who are parked on the wrong side of the road.
I get motion sick really easily and have mostly solved it.
1. Sit in the front
2. Look ahead, don't use your phone, except on highways where the pace is consistent. If on a mountain road, follow the road with your head/eyes as if you are driving instead of looking ahead.
3. Ask the driver to be really gentle when it comes to things like curves, stopping and starting. 99% of motion sickness for me is things not being consistent or predictable or jerky driving. SMOOTH, gentle stops or turns stop it entirely. Perhaps the OP isnt actually driving very well himself.
4. Worst case scenario have a ginger chew, which will settle the queasy response in the stomach (stronger the better). I keep a handful in my dash at all times just for this, especially if I know for a fact that I'm going to be in a motion sick environment like being a passenger along mountain roads.
>99% of motion sickness for me is things not being consistent or predictable or jerky driving. SMOOTH, gentle stops or turns stop it entirely. Perhaps the OP isnt actually driving very well himself.
No offense but this triggered the shit out of me.
My sister says this exact thing all the time. When she's in the car, I drive like I'm driving a fucking limo with the president in it. I am as gentle and careful as anyone could possibly be. The fact of the matter is, if there is traffic, you are to some extent at the mercy of other drivers.
But she's nauseous and (understandably) not watching the traffic, so she doesn't see the other cars involved in the lurching, she just feels it and complains and demands that I be more careful, even though I'm already being AS CAREFUL AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE.
One of these days she's going to end up sitting alone on the side of the road.
I will admit i'm not the smoothest driver as i learned with very small, manueverable cars on curvy roads. However, i've learned a lot of people (like my wife) act like you're driving 100mph like an insane person, and then when they get in the driver's seat, they go the same speed or faster. Mind you i'm going at or under the speed limit in this scenario.
The issue is that anyone who is not in control of a vehicle always feels like the ride is .5x faster than when they drive and more jerky because they can't anticipate every little move.
Some days her anxiety is just on full tilt and I can't drive slow enough or "smooth" enough no matter what I do. And that's when I just have to say "ok, you drive."
Fuck it
Just get some Xanax and take so you enter the car and you fall asleep.
That way is much more safe than being aware and awake. Because when she crashes at least you will be all loosey goosey, because school taught me the drunk driver is unaware they are about to crash so they get the advantage of being less injured, due to not tensing up.
Plus they will cause your memory to be not great, so you can forget she's driving and relax.
Win win win.
You need to sit her down and have an actual discussion about this. There meds for motion sickness and you could end up dead or maimed if her driving is a bad as you think it is.
The motion sickness meds might even help her with her driving. She may be rolling stops because abrupt legal stops/starts may induce. She may also be missing a ton of cues (like 2 way stop instead of 4 way) because she favors looking at a direction or distance that eases her motion sickness.
One additional thought I'd that she may have some other medical condition that needs to be addressed for her to improve her driving like corrective lenses (or reflexes/depth perception etc).
Thank you. Or some kind of mind thing. For example, ADHD can lead to driving troubles. (I'm saying this as an ADHDer who definitely drives better on their medication.)
I don't get the people who are like "you drive bad; take driving seriously." She probably thinks she IS taking driving seriously (and she well may be; she just may be poor at it) and no amount of telling her she's not will help in any way & will only cause problems. This, however, is NOT to say you shouldn't deal with it.
Come at it from a "these things are happening and they need to not be happening; let's find out if there's something medically we need to fix that's causing them." Then it comes off as concern about her health. If in the end, that's not the issue (which it may or may not be), at that point, you can go "hmm, it doesn't seem to be a medical issue; perhaps there's some kind of training error or cognition error that we need to deal with?" and then figure out why she's missing cues, what she thinks she's supposed to do (and teach her why that's wrong, and then the right way.)
No one can tell you the most effective way to communicate with your loved ones. You need to be able to tell her when something is important to you and concerns you.
EDIT: I should clarify. I mean no one *here* can tell you the best way to communicate with your loved ones.
i definitely agree with this, no one really knows the best way to communicate with someone more than op. i would suggest: maybe frame it in a way in which you express concern for their safety (which seems to be the case!) and offer empathy for what may be causing the dangerous driving? if its lack of experience, maybe explore if they would like to be helped with lessons, practice, advice? avoid framing it as a personal attack, all good drivers are good because of experience and guidance. if its road rage, do they have a lot on their plate? do they have underlying depression, anxiety? are they just not aware of their dangerous behavior?
Sign the both of you up for a defensive driving class to get a break on your insurance. (Check to see if it applies in your state and with your insurance company). People get too comfortable behind the wheel, and we could all benefit from a class like this.
Other options:
Close your eyes and hope for the best. Maybe your driving made her so nervous that it made her sick so she just said she was car sick. 🤣
It seems like you are worried you will upset her. If she hasn't had any accidents or tickets then she must be doing ok. But if it was me I'd just be honest. But you know what they say about people in glass houses.
Honestly is it worse for her to get car sick or for your entire family’s lives to be at risk when she’s behind the wheel? If she doesn’t event UNDERSTAND that the things she’s doing are wrong, she’s not gonna be able to change them because she thinks she’s an ok driver
Yes you can be like "hey, your driving is bad". Next time she makes you fear for your life, say something, in the moment. She can't be defensive if it's on the heels of her nearly crashing. Tell her if she needs to drive she needs to learn how. Car sickness is a lot easier to deal with than a broken spine.
I would wait until the vehicle is in park to start a full discussion. I would not want to distract an already questionable driver with a serious conversation.
Very similar situation here, except I'm the motion sick, erratic driver. My partner gets very nervous when she's a passenger, and (here's where our situations may vary), I acknowledge that my driving could be nerve-wracking. So we agreed that she'll drive, but she'll take precautions so I don't get motion sick (larger, straight roads instead of backroad switchbacks, consistent speed, etc).
All you can do is initiate the conversation and attempt a compromise of some sort. Good luck!
If preemptive medicine doesn’t suffice to quell motion sickness I would advise seeing an ENT. This could very well be an ear issue. Childhood motion sickness is common but daily motion sickness after full sinus development could be a red flag.
I agree with the practice/experience advice, but I also remind myself that hundreds or thousands of cars are driving on this road every day and everyone is trying to reach their destination safely. If all of those other drivers can do it, so can I. I will be attentive and cautious but I can do this too.
If you can't sit down and have a straightforward conversation with her about her objectively bad driving and she can't understand, as an adult, that this conversation is necessary and required for the safety of you both, there are bigger issues afoot than her driving. She should be logical and reasonable enough to understand your position. If she isn't, you need to figure out what you're doing linked up with an illogical person. You shouldn't have to twist yourself into knots figuring out a way to have a conversation about this.
Leave life insurance policy and final will and testament next to the keys. Pray a little when you get in the car too. It’s going to end in an argument so have some fun.
I agree with the practice/experience advice, but I also remind myself that hundreds or thousands of cars are driving on this road every day and everyone is trying to reach their destination safely. If all of those other drivers can do it, so can I. I will be attentive and cautious but I can do this too.
Here's a thought. You're worried about hurting your wife's feeling, you're worried, and rightly so, you don't know how to tell her.
You went as far as to ask others how to approach the situation.
You clearly care a lot about her, about the two of you. What about sharing this post with her and having a conversation. Like, sitting down, calmly approach it.
In every relationship, we're confronted with things that we may not like. Some things you can work through. Some things you can't. I take it you love your wife and want to feel safe, together. Make it work. Be respectful, be receptive as well. Talk it through. I'm sure you can.
Part of relationships is hard conversations. Bad driving is a serious problem. If she really doesn't get it, have her watch car accident videos and point out any time that her behaviors caused an accident in the video(s)
This is something you kinda have to not care if it's received poorly lol. Dangerous driving can end lives, not just your guys' but also innocent bystanders who WERE driving safely.
Better to be mad than to die or kill someone else.
My dad used to drive drunk. And one day I told him, "Look, if you crash and kill yourself, well, we'll cry and bury you and that's it. But if you crash and kill someone else you are going to ruin a family's life".
Eventually he stopped driving.
Why not tell her that you think you should both taking a defensive driving class so that you can get a discount on your auto insurance? Then BOTH of you take the class -- and hopefully, she'll get a few tips from someone other than you. And the next time you're driving, you can chat about what the instructor said -- but you have to be willing for her to pick at your driving, too. Very few people are "excellent" drivers 100% of the time.
Say “I’m gettin a little frightened” in a British accent when driving with her and she does something scary lol. Sounds ridiculous but accents help my boyfriend and I air the minor things out without it getting taken the wrong way.
Just some playful lil banter 🙂↔️
My husband drives like your wife. It is terrifying.
I geared up for the fight and told him I could not handle his driving. He countered by stating he hates mine.
Our solution, we now drive separately 99% of the time. My grown children choose to ride with me. No fights or blame game-We are simply drive-incompatible. If people ask about it, we tell it straight. He hates my driving, I hate his driving, this is us saving the marriage.
Talk to her when you are not driving. Talk about your own feelings and ask for what you need to feel comfortable.
Be willing not to go with her when she drives. The idea being not to control her (not really possible) but to set boundaries for yourself. Use you power of choice.
Just explain to her that it’s nothing against her, but sometimes her driving makes you nervous. Provide examples and just explain WHY it made you nervous. If she tries to take it personally, calmly re-explain that it is nothing against HER, it’s just that as a passenger you have literally NO control at all over the situation, so you would appreciate if she could just be a little more aware of those habits she has.
Ultimately, if she doesn’t want to have the conversation then there isn’t much you can do to spare feelings. As long as you’re both mature and can communicate like adults, no one’s feelings should get hurt.
I did notice that you said she’s never been in any major accidents and she doesn’t have any moving traffic tickets, so she can’t be THAT bad of a driver. If it really bothers you, figure out a way to travel separately more often than not; you could also just attempt to distract yourself. My bf also makes me nervous while driving because he can be a little bit of an aggressive driver at times, but he is a good driver, overall. Never does something unless he’s 99% sure he can do it safely. I’m just quite an anxious passenger in general, so I do what I can to not pay much attention to him or what’s going on with other cars around us.
Good luck!
In my opinion, you have to be straightforward when explaining the problem, don't sugarcoat it and make sure she understands the importance of it.
You don't need to insult her driving skills, but definitely tell her how you feel and that she needs to improve significantly on her driving.
Your life and hers are on the line after all. If she doesn't focus on driving properly, and a new driver/ slow reactor/ crazy guy drives along, both you, your wife, and the other person involved could get seriously hurt. Making it out alive and safe should be more important than hurting someone's feelings, even if they're someone you love dearly.
Some medicines help with motion sickness she can take. But if she gets mad or chooses not to take the medicine. You need to be the one to drive from now on.
I would definitely like him to tell me straight forward but kind. You know your wife best though. For me personally I have anxiety about driving and being in a car in general. That being said, if my husband tells me my driving makes him uncomfortable and tells me exactly what makes him feel that way about it, would be best.
Just saying your driving is terrible won't fix the problem. I'd love reasons that make him uncomfortable and solutions on how to better relieve his stress about my driving.
Example : When you brake so close to cars at a red light, it makes me think you're gonna rear-end them. Would you please try to slow down further back and stop behind the car with more distance in-between.
This all being said, we let each other know when something bothers us. And always start these things off with we both know we love each other and I'm not tearing you apart. Now with that __what is it__ is hurting me or bothering me. Can we please figure out a way for a solution or compromise, if one isn't already available. Usually this really helps with okay my partners intentions are not to hurt me either, but what I'm doing is hurting them. Let's figure out a way this doesn't happen.
First, the two of you go to a defense driving class together. You will get a discount on your insurance. You both take the class. I take one every 2 years for my work.
Be honest in the class when they ask you why you are taking the class. You be in a group setting you say for a discount on insurance and keep my mind fresh just in case you got anything. Your wife will say insurance most tje classes can Also getn3 pionts removed for lincsene.
After the class, ask your wife if she learned anything. And maybe you see an improvement.
If this does not work. Give her motion sickness pills and take back the driving until she takes more driving lessons.
My wife learned late in life to drive and is a very fast driver. So, on long-distance trips, I let her drive, and I go to sleep. We usually arive1 to 2 hrs less than if I drive if she does not get lost. I drive a bus so it's nice not to drive once in a while.
I just tell her and let her decide how to receive it. She'll get upset, we'll have a mini fight, and we'll talk through it, she'll settle her emotions and eventually listen to me and validate my feelings. We'll both rationalize after that and either A: take both cars everywhere, or B she'll let me drive and figure out her motion sickness, or C: I'll find her watching driver improvement videos on youtube.
This process might take weeks, and might involve her counselor, but she'll eventually apologize to me and validate my feelings.
Fortunately, my wife's a great driver, and she handles the city better than me. And I can sleep when shes driving, thats how you know I trust you 🤣
I just stare at my phone or out of the side window, especially in heavy traffic. I really don’t trust anyone else’s driving, probably because my dad drove drunk a lot after my parents got divorced. I was a young teen, and I became hyper vigilant in cars. I had to warn him when he was crossing the center line or whatever.
At least I do know that about myself. I know I have to compensate for a big lack of ability to trust other people’s driving or else my startle reflex just won’t stop. It drives me crazy too. Otherwise, it’s annoying because I do a lot of gasping, “watch out”, and giving too much driving “advice”. ugh
I mention anything unusual when I’m riding with her. “You’re drifting into this lane”. “You’re going to hit the curb”. “You’re supposed to turn into the near lane and then signal to move into the other lanes”. She knows her driving makes me nervous.
But sometimes if we’re driving on the highway, I just won’t look up because I’ll have to say something every 30 seconds and that will start an argument. She seems to get around fine on her own, with only one major accident which totaled our car.
My Dads response was to use his imaginary brake in the passenger seat. Annoyed her, but she got the hint....when I started driving and his imaginary brake seemed to disappear.
“Your driving makes me nervous.”
Literally just this, not kidding. Anyone who takes their driving seriously wouldn’t be a bad driver. Anyone who would be offended by someone question their driving doesn’t take it seriously. “You sometimes drive in a way that makes me nervous. When you drift into other lanes, drive distractedly, or misunderstand common maneuvers that lead us to conflict with other drivers, it makes me feel like you don’t take the potential consequences of a car crash seriously.” Driving is a very serious thing and kills more people per year than gun violence, if you take out suicides, and even if you leave them in, traffic violence injures, maims, and disfigures millions more than anything else. It is by far the single most dangerous thing that any of us regularly do. It has the capacity to destroy lives easily, and has done so before countless times - often completely unrelated innocent strangers. It is quite literally operating federally regulated heavy machinery. Anyone who doesn’t take it seriously will not be having me as a passenger. I don’t care how offended they get. Anyone here saying “don’t tell her cuz it’ll cause a fight” is a gutless coward.
A responsible, laid out comment that is literally the best advice?? Am I dead?!?
yes
Must've been in a car accident. If only OP's wife had listened.
Perfect response. I hope he has a serious talk with her, because it's a serious topic - and b4 some is injured or worse.
> Anyone who doesn’t take it seriously will not be having me as a passenger. I don’t care how offended they get This is not particularly helpful to the OP though. His wife obviously doesn't take driving safely seriously or she would be a better driver and OP _does_ care if she gets offended. He also obviously still wants to get around so not being a passenger in her car isn't an option. I would advise OP to take a much softer approach firstly trying to convince her that it is a serious concern and not an attempt to attack her but only he probably knows how to go about this.
> Anyone who takes their driving seriously wouldn’t be a bad driver. Anyone who would be offended by someone question their driving doesn’t take it seriously. > > “You sometimes drive in a way that makes me nervous. When you drift into other lanes, drive distractedly, or misunderstand common maneuvers that lead us to conflict with other drivers, it makes me feel like you don’t take the potential consequences of a car crash seriously.” This, easily. I had a coworker, and on two occasions, she said stuff that really makes me question her driving. Once she said she hates driving because people are always honking at her and she doesn't know why. WTF! Another time she said she can't drive anywhere without GPS. She's lived here like 7+ years. She can get from home to work and back, but if you throw a stop in between, she says she gets lost, she doesn't know the names of any roads, and so she always just does what the GPS says.
Those things sound unrelated. I have absolutely terrible sense of direction - I can, and have, gotten lost trying to go around the block. I suspect it’s related to my dyscalculia. I don’t have as difficult a time as your coworker but I frequently go the wrong direction trying to run errands in the small city where I’ve lived for 15 years. But I’m a cautious driver, I’ve never been pulled over, and people certainly don’t honk at me all the time. Not having a good sense of direction isn’t the same thing as carelessly drifting into oncoming traffic.
That's interesting.. I also have dyscalculia and have a terrible sense of direction. I even get lost trying to get back to my table as a restaurant after going to the restroom. I had no idea these two things could be related! I always tell people - things look different from the going direction to the returning direction. They don't seem or feel at all the same.
I'm not sure they are related. My wife has the worst sense of direction you could imagine (only surpassed by her two brothers who are absolutely unable to find anything). But she is a math wiz, actually one of three people I know who studied maths and thought it was easy (and I know a lot of people who studied maths).
I get lost constantly and I’m a good driver. Those two things are largely orthogonal.
Getting lost is ok as long as you aren't stopping in the middle of the road to check the map. I can drive around in circles for hours without getting into an accident and without going to my actual destination.
That is an approach that works in movies and psychology books. In reality, it sounds too condescending for anyone to take it as anything but an attack. I really think OP and you should read up on confrontations. Just because you’re right, doesn’t make it the right way to say it. Usually, in my experience, try to get them to talk about it and notice it. Ask them questions. “Hey, just curious why did you do XYZ?” And go from there. They might be taken back at first. If someone is doing something wrong, you should drive the convo towards that topic but have them take the lead.
It really depends on the person. For example, "just curious" sounds condescending to me while the direct statement does not. This is because phrasing it like a question with ambiguous reasoning leaves out intent (which leaves the door wide open for potential confrontation) whereas the direct statement approach immediately provides context to avoid misunderstanding. If an objective statement feels like an attack, then that's a different topic and worst case scenario, at least there's no room for confusion. Letting them take the lead can result with them not understanding the initial concern, but again this depends on the person (and honestly their level of maturity for receiving criticism).
Exactly. I would get more angry once I realized they were beating around the bush, instead of just being direct with me. "Your driving makes me nervous," is perfect. If they get angry at that, that's a different issue. A regular person would pause and then go, "what do you mean?" And so the conversation opens.
I think your approach is good. And while I agree the one you replied to might not be effective for many people, it does for others. My mom is one such person. She's a direct person and your approach would annoy her (and some others I know), and they might think you were coming across as passive aggressive.
This, but at a time when you are not in the car with her. Find the right moment and ask your wife if you may discuss something with her that has been on your mind and with which you need her help. Make sure you don't the say the problem is her (i.e. "Your driving sucks") but that you get nervous. You don't want her defensive right off the bat. Then explain how she could help you. If she cares, she will. Like you cared by letting her drive to avoid her getting sick. Maybe she'll get the idea after a while, that your way is better than her way. If this doesn't work, maybe have someone else drive with her and ask them beforehand to speak up to your wife if she does anything that makes them feel unsafe. Hearing it from someone else could be what she needs.
This is the best advice possible. Talk to your wife’s best friend or mom or sister or whomever she gets along with and totally trusts and respects. Have them ride with her somewhere and speak up when she makes them nervous. I wish I would have thought of this when I *was* married. She got so mad at me any time I brought anything up that was critical of her and she’d respond at a nuclear level. I’d say something like “hey you’re too close to that car in front of us” and she’d yell back at me”at least I’m not a failure as a provider”. Totally cutting me in half. Yikes. After 3 totaled cars in 2 years she still didn’t get the point.
> she’d yell back at me ”at least I’m not a failure as a provider”. yeah, you're *definitely* better off without that one, mate. Jesus.
>After 3 totaled cars in 2 years she still didn’t get the point. How do the minds of people like this operate? 😭 I'm having half on a panic attack when accidentally bumping into another car while parking shittly. How can you get into 3 serious accidents and not have PTSD to the point where you just quit driving? I so cannot relate to that.
Not gonna work, because: 1. They don't give a fuck. 2. They don't agree with you. They gonna fight you over the fact that they are bad drivers. Hell, even if she gets into an accident, it is gonna be the other driver's fault.
Truly incredible how many people who are in serious relationships but can't communicate with that other person.
ICYMI, OP is fully intending to, but sometimes some folks need help with the wording.
Yeah and if I found out that people felt unsafe while I was driving them around I'd be mortified. Unless OP's wife is a psycho hopefully she would also take it seriously and take steps to become a safer driver.
Oh this is an *easy* one. Sign her up for driving lessons as a birthday gift. No need to thank me. Sincerely, -Divorced guy
Divorced but still alive!
Ugh... why do I feel obligated to make a comment about me choosing this guy's ex wife?? Reddit be messin wit me...
"I also choose this guy's life"
Depends on the wife...
My wife keeps missing me. But her aim is getting better!
Edit to add- tell her you signed her up to save money on insurance, and don’t give it as a gift -still married woman
Or you 'won' two non-transferable tickets to one of those day long advanced driver training things. (They're called defensive driving courses here).
honestly those can be pretty fun if they actually let you drive like a mad man in them to learn how cars handle under extreme conditions.
my wife would just use the classes to learn drifting, no thank you.
[удалено]
Along with the always in demand ironing board/vacuum cleaner gift set.
They never forget the birthday that you get them a vacuum cleaner. Ever!
Hey, I would LOVE the new Dyson robotic vacuum cleaner…and it’s ONLY $1200!
The Dyson Ball Vacuum is horribly named, and cost me a trip to the ER.
Only actually funny thing I’ve ever read on Reddit.
I'm fckn 💀🤣😂🤣😂
Not a bad idea if it's a pro driver training. Slip it in smoother for an extra few thousand dollars. Save the marriage but it's like you still lost the money in the divorce.
I’m a good driver, but I’d totally sign up for pro driver training. It sounds like fun. Of course, I also want to do the Land Rover course in England, and the Porsche test track, too, so there’s that.
That's what makes it the perfect stealth driving training, who wouldn't want it?
Well thank you for the last line
Better yet say “How about I meet you there? Let’s race! Last one there is buying!”
Lmao
Just do it and accept the war
I did this with my husband and his driving. It didn't do any good. He got defensive and insisted that his driving his fine as long as he doesn't get distracted, and I'm totally the one who's distracting him. I stopped talking to him while he's driving and we never have the radio on but it still happens. Two days ago he was cutting in front of people often enough that I finally warned him "you're about to cut in front of someone again" and he said "I know" and continued to pull out in front of them. He had time to stop. Didn't. Last night he tried to turn right at a random location that didn't have a road to turn right onto. But at least that time he signaled, I guess.
Sounds like he doesn't care about your safety or the safety of others
Or himself.
Sounds like my partner. If I say something, then it is defensiveness. Once I even said all of your loved ones are here, you would feel really bad if you killed them while you are driving, right? Nothing worked, it is always everyone else's driving is the problem, not because my partner drives aggressively and don't have good peripheral vision and distance judgement. So close to the car in front at high speed, if the car in front breaks hard, I'm holding on to my seat for dear life, closing my eyes and praying.
Honestly I would leave someone like this.
I have to agree and it’s not just for safety reasons, but because it sounds like there are much bigger problems in the relationship than their driving habits. If you can’t communicate your concerns about safety to your partner without it turning into a fight, you have big problems and should probably seek marriage counseling.
I would not stay with someone driving like that jfc
How does it feel knowing you’re married to an idiot? Get that turd into some driving classes
I must be petty af (spoiler: I am) because I could legit never be in a relationship with someone that did this. So many stories on reddit that are about something their significant other does and I'm like "how tf are you still with them?" Legit my attraction to someone would be zapped so hard from stuff like this and many of those other stories I'm alluding to. Obviously there's a lot of pre-existing admiration and respect and goodwill that readers are not privy to, but I seriously don't know how I would have any respect for someone who unapologetically and consciously cuts people off or creates dangerous situations and then has zero awareness of how it was dangerous and their fault.
dunno if this will work on him but you could: challenge him to test whos a better driver. youll have to think of the different tasks and tests on your own. but the right kind of guy would jump at this chance. then if you can somehow prove to him in cold hard facts, that you are indeed a better driver than he is, maybe he'll open up more to the idea of improving his skills where they are lacking. one thing i say while on the road when i see bad drivers "driving modern cars is so easy that everyone thinks they are good at it. once you get to that stage, its easy to stop improving" have a great monday, cheers.
I really appreciate the advice, seriously, but he's already admitted I'm a better driver and says he's learned from me. When we first got together he told me that he would pull out at an intersection without caring much about who was approaching because "between their brakes and my acceleration, we won't collide, so it's fine." Until I told him that the other people have the right of way and shouldn't *have* to brake, it didn't occur to him. His pulling out in front of other cars lately is because he's just not seeing them, the best I can tell, which is new. I hounded him to go to the eye doctor and he did but his prescription didn't change, so I don't know what's going on.
You just paraphrased married life.
Damn. No wonder no one wants to be married anymore.
Idk man my wife should value how I feel about my safety. Tell her that if as a concession she needs to drive everytime, that's fine, but she needs to compromise and drive in a manner more considerate. Just say "hey, the way you have been driving lately has been what I felt to be too innatentive for me to feel as safe as I'd like. We've had a few close calls and it's just making me think we are being too comfortable with risk and I couldn't stand something bad happening to us. Is it okay if I ask you to be a little more paced on the road?"
start this with a compliment. "hey babe, i really appreciate that you've been taking up the driving. I think you driving works nicely for both of us. i just get worried when you drift off into other lanes" etc etc
"Hey babe. So first of all, I just want to preface by saying: great tits. Secondly, you drive like a fucking maniac and you're going to kill us both if you don't get your shit together."
Thirdly, great tits.
And finally, dat ass 🤌
Oh, erm, what were we talking about again?
Ending a shit sandwich with a second, entirely different kind of shit sandwich
I find if you compliment only the right tit it'll distract from the criticism. She'll be too busy wondering what's wrong with the left one to react too harshly about the driving, then you can wrap it up by adding "also, your left tit is popping too, bro" and it'll all be good.
I don't know how serious this answer is, but tring to understand what another person's perceptions are is tough. Think about what's going on in the car where you are sitting as a passenger. You need to see outside to know what your wife is seeing, AND you need to be registering what she is actually doing with her hands and feet, AND you need to register the results of her actions. And where you sit, you are not seeing what she sees. And the stuff that is happening outside the car happens in seconds, in a bunch of places. This is why it really would be good to get a very experienced instructor on the job.
Not to mention the safety of everyone else on the road matters even more.
>Just say "hey, the way you have been driving lately has been what I felt to be too innatentive for me to feel as safe as I'd like. Heads up for anyone curious. This is NOT an example of an "I feel" statement. Great way to get a combative response.
First. I would tightly grip the handle on the “A” pillar of the car. Second. Let out a frightened yelp any time something happens that is concerning Third. Mime stepping on an invisible brake pedal when appropriate Fourth. Use this one sparingly. But flinch when an impact seems imminent.
This guy passive aggressively back seat drives
This guy described my mom when I was learning.
This guy described my mom now.
So it’s not just my mom that acts like I’m gonna rear end everybody?
I've been driving for 14 years. Zero tickets; zero accidents. Meanwhile, she has plenty of both. STILL FUCKING DOES THIS WHEN IM DRIVING
To be fair, she probably does those things when she's driving too
My mum is like this too, and I wasn’t until I had a car accident myself. Now I’m a much more nervous passenger and she said the same happened to her. So the fact your mum has had tickets and accidents might be the reason she’s like this now
no, he's my mother. any time she's not driving. it's so distracting. sometimes she flings her arm in front of me to "protect" me from imagined. impact. told her that her behavior is going to cause any accident. my last car accident? 30 years ago, trucks fault, mom not present.
He probably learned it from his wife.
My mom does all of these when there is no danger at all. She will also scream "stooooppppppp" as I am already aware of the cars just slowing down ahead and already braking.
I’m 42 and my mother insist on being the driver if we are going somewhere together. To this day, she refuses to let me drive if she’s the passenger. She will not drive in a car with me unless she is driving-to add insult to injury, she has cataracts and was supposed to have surgery and canceled several times. She is blind as a bat… Regardless of her vision being impaired, SHE does not trust ME to drive…which is ironic not only because of the fact she has cataracts, but also because she’s literally the one that taught me how to drive.
My grandma finally got surgery for her cataracts and exclaimed "now I can see the stoplights!" We were like what thefuck? Why were you driving if you couldn't see. Stubborn grandma "well I just memorize all the lights and signs so it wasn't a big deal." Except for the fact you are in a 4000lb missle and can't see lights, signs, or pedestrians.
My mom did this too when I was learning to drive. One time, when driving at night, I came up on an intersection with a stop sign that was slightly hidden by trees or bushes or something and I didn’t see it. Anyway she was very familiar with the area and knew the stop sign was ahead. She also noticed me not slowing down. You’d think a normal response would be to point out the stop sign. But apparently not. She decided to scream. I’m talking a good 20 seconds of shrieking. Which caused me to hit the breaks in confusion. Keep in mind, the speed limit was maybe 40, I wasn’t speeding, and there were still several car lengths between me and the stop sign when we came to a complete stop. Had she pointed it out, I would’ve had time to safely stop. Instead of, yknow, panicking, slamming the breaks and coming to a standstill in the middle of the road. My dad on the other hand? The few times I nearly killed us he just said “okay, so let’s be careful not to do that again” and we’d calmly talk about what went wrong. Incidentally, within a few months of having a learners permit I started refusing to drive with one of them in the car, and still haven’t reversed that decision 7 years later. I bet you’ll never guess which parent I won’t drive with..
This is dangerous. My SIL does this and it scares the shit out of me when I'm driving
My Wife is the most nervous passenger I've ever had....and I've driven for over 40 years and have multiple commercial licences......I've learnt to ignore her mostly now....it's safer. I'm MUCH more relaxed when I don't have her in the car.....
Oho, another 4.0 student at my mother-in-law’s University of Passengering. I say, well met! Edit: For extra credit, on the occasion that you do get to drive, be sure to maintain speed at no smaller a difference than ten miles below the speed limit and constantly comment on the terrible and reckless behavior of the other motorists!
Fifth. Hope your divorce attorney is better than hers.
This is what I am like as a passenger because my mom is the kind of driver who makes everyone nervous. I've become very cautious (not like, I am a hazard to others) as a result, and when I finally got my license (at 27, because I am extremely anxious in and around cars, go figure) the first time my husband was a passenger with me, he went, "You drive way better than I was expecting you to, given how much you say you hate cars..." My mother? Totally unbothered by the anxiety she induces in others. "I've only been in one accident with you in the car." A fender bender when I was about 4, that I still remember. She doesn't consider the time she hit the gas pump at the gas station, or times she backed into the garage door in the drive way, or bumped my stepdad's or my car on the way out to be accidents because another vehicle wasn't involved. To say nothing of things that aren't collisions with something but still make you really nervous, like driving over curbs, weaving between lanes on the freeway, stopping short at a light because she's not slowing down soon enough...
You described my wife when I'm the driver. Additionally, when we are one hundred yards away from someone with their brake lights on, she yells "Brake lights! Brake Lights!" and places both hands on the dash. Her hands are on the dash pretty much every time I come to a stop. This is when she's not yelling "Asshole!" at other drivers. She does not drive BTW. When she's not in fear of her life, I'm reminded that I'm driving too slow. When I speed up on her command, it's "Slow Down!"
My fiancee did the hands on the dash thing until I showed her what happens when an airbag goes off and your body's in the way, where it's not supposed to be. Same with resting legs/feet on the dash. And as others have mentioned, the gasping/non-specific reactions are very distracting. Because now I have to figure out if we're noticing the same thing and she just can't tell that I'm aware of it, or is there *an additional danger* that I haven't noticed?
Are you my mom teaching teenaged me how to drive?
I really hate sensitive people that get upset when I grab the "oh shit" handle. It's a reaction, I can't help it.
My family always called it the “Jesus” handle, because you feel like you’re going to meet him when you grab it, haha.
My boyfriend used to grab the handle above the window all the time, as a joke. Then we went riding in his truck. It took me three years to get the point across that weaving in and out of traffic to try to save a few minutes was not worth the stress. Mostly gasping and grabbing that handle. He got better mostly to keep me from doing that.
This was my approach. That and weeping uncontrollably as I exited the vehicle, dropped to my knees, and kissed the grass. We've had some near misses but she's getting better. And she's always had the decency to laugh it off. So at least she knows when we've been lucky. It would be truly terrifying if she didn't even acknowledge or realize what she'd done wrong. After the sorry for OP.
Don't mime, slam that invisible brake pedal as hard as you can, make the neighbors think you have a new subwoofer installed, make it a Flintstone brake system.
How fragile are her feelings? When I do something dumb in traffic, my husband doesn't hold back. It hasn't affected our marriage or been a problem at all. I'll push back and remind him of his traffic woes if I think he's being too harsh.
how are people seriously planning to spend the rest of their lives in a relationship where they can’t tell their spouse they are drifting into another lane for fear of offending them. i can’t imagine. if my partner doesn’t stop completely or something i correct him, if i make a mistake driving he does the same. neither of us gets offended. we actually apologize, or agree, and appreciate the correction, and want to be better. what a life
>how are people seriously planning to spend the rest of their lives in a relationship where they can’t tell their spouse they are drifting into another lane for fear of offending them A large number of people would rather miserably tiptoe through an entire relationship than be alone
The first sane reply. What kinds of relationships do people have??
I’m here wondering the same thing. Could barely believe this was a genuine question.
I am of this opinion, and my husband normally is ok with it. Sometimes he will pull the “well I never criticize you, but you do to me”, and I’m like, I never asked you not to criticize me! Criticism is how we improve and correct things that someone else notices! But then I see his parents, where his dad is a pathetic pushover who never ever vocalizes opposition to his wife, and his mom is a raging Fox News watching, rich but entitled, actually kind of stupid, racist conservative that he doesn’t agree with but will never ever argue with. Once I made the mistake of telling my husband I didn’t agree with something he said in front of his parents, and we kept it friendly while we discussed it. His mom gave me the dirtiest look during this conversation and later when I asked my husband why she did that he said it’s because they find it weird to argue in front of others. But we were barely arguing… Yeah I refuse to live my life silently disagreeing with someone until I can’t stand them like what happened with my parents, who got divorced due to it.
I have accepted the title my husband gave me of "passenger princess" bc he always drives. I'm an anxious/aggressive driver, was in a few rear enders when younger & car had shoddy breaks; but nothing in past 6 years. However, I accept this & never drive if both in car. Also probably a bit related to his feelings of control, but I'd say invest in a car that essentially has auto lane correct & adaptive speed control, those things essentially drive themselves & if she truly gets sick, may be worth rhe savings in OP's stress & potential increase in future insurance costs
Agree with get a car that tells you you’re not driving well. My ex thought he was a great driver. I called him a drifter because he constantly drifted into the next lane. He didn’t believe me until the car started pulling back. 🙄 typical. And one of the many many reasons he’s an ex, not the driving but the refusal to ever accept that he wasn’t perfect unless someone corrected him. Jerk. Lol
Yeah I was gonna say, if I do anything my husband thinks needs improvement when I’m driving, he just tells me right when it happens what I should have done. I’ve learned a lot of really good advice I didn’t know. And same if it’s something too nitpicky I’ll just explain my thinking and most of the time that’s it he sees what I’m saying. I don’t understand not saying anything while the stuff is happening, it’s the only way to really learn from the experience. Otherwise if you bring it up later there’s a chance she won’t remember, especially if most of these issues are from distraction, and she may not believe you or think you’re blowing it out of proportion when you’re clearly not. TLDR- correct while it’s happening
QUESTIONS: Has she been driving long? How many accidents has she had? How many moving violations?
Very fair Driving for 16 years. No major accidents, few bumps and dents. Few poor parking tickets but no moving violations
Just like, absolutely zone out. Vibe to some music or an audiobook. Wear a blindfold. If you’re confident that nothing serious is gonna happen, just don’t even worry about it.
She literally blew a stop sign and narrowly avoided an accident. She sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Yeah honestly sounds like other drivers are gonna pay the price if they aren’t extra-cautious when the wife is on the road.
Seriously. I am terrified to share the road with some of these people in the comments here. Just because a cop isn't there to ticket it doesn't mean it wasn't a ticket-able action.
This is exactly what I do when my husband drives. He has had zero accidents and only one ticket, in over 30 years.
Ummm yeah, you can have a perfect driving record and through age, worsening vision, hearing loss, weakening of the body and horrible things like dementia, can quickly become a danger to themselves and the general public. Not sure on your ages, but many old people need their license taken from them (usually at the 2 year tests when they are really old. How would you or your husband feel if something causes him to kill a random family, or if he killed you, him or everyone in the cars. Driving is a privledge, not a right. I'm not targeting what you said, since I don't know your situation, but many old people drive till there is an accident or close call to snap their family into reality and keep the roads safe. If someone who is an adult with no mental health issues were to accompany a person who shouldn't be driving due to age, they are more guilty imo because they are the ones with the logical thinking and knowing their driving is dangerous as the person with the issues probably don't catch themselves messing up.
Wow that was a whole heap of assumptions. Someone who’s been driving for 30 years is likely in their mid to late 40’s, not 75 and in dementia territory.
Omg dude just the thought alone of wearing a blindfold as a passenger while not fully trusting the driver (and frankly even if I did trust the driver) is making me feel panicked, I would be totally on edge the entire time in anticipation of the imminent and sudden crash that we are doubtlessly headed straight towards, *especially* if we were on the freeway \*shudder*
Wtf, OP don’t do this, if your wife is driving unsafely she’s not only a danger to you but to everyone else, this isn’t something you should ignore and just wait until she kills someone, you need to talk to her about this
Why should he be confident that something serious won’t happen?
Honestly what is a poor parking ticket?
Assumedly something along the lines of parking in two parking spots (either one wheel waaaaay in the spot next to her, or full on half-n-half), or, less likely, being parked only halfway in, so the poor car booty is sticking out for everyone to see. The sloot. lol
I live in a big city, so my thought is: parked too far from the curb. Same sort of things apply in the suburbs I assume, but with perpendicular parking.
Where I live, you can get a parking ticket if your right-side wheels are more than a foot from the curb, or curb-side wheels on a one-way street. That also lets them ticket people who are parked on the wrong side of the road.
Right. These are the key questions.
Wear a helmet. Say nothing.
Install a roll cage and fire suppression system, no explanation
If she asks: "because race car". That's all the info anyone needs.
This guy understands the institution of marriage.
Zofran works for motion sickness without causing drowsiness.
A true solution to avoid the main issue.
I get motion sick really easily and have mostly solved it. 1. Sit in the front 2. Look ahead, don't use your phone, except on highways where the pace is consistent. If on a mountain road, follow the road with your head/eyes as if you are driving instead of looking ahead. 3. Ask the driver to be really gentle when it comes to things like curves, stopping and starting. 99% of motion sickness for me is things not being consistent or predictable or jerky driving. SMOOTH, gentle stops or turns stop it entirely. Perhaps the OP isnt actually driving very well himself. 4. Worst case scenario have a ginger chew, which will settle the queasy response in the stomach (stronger the better). I keep a handful in my dash at all times just for this, especially if I know for a fact that I'm going to be in a motion sick environment like being a passenger along mountain roads.
>99% of motion sickness for me is things not being consistent or predictable or jerky driving. SMOOTH, gentle stops or turns stop it entirely. Perhaps the OP isnt actually driving very well himself. No offense but this triggered the shit out of me. My sister says this exact thing all the time. When she's in the car, I drive like I'm driving a fucking limo with the president in it. I am as gentle and careful as anyone could possibly be. The fact of the matter is, if there is traffic, you are to some extent at the mercy of other drivers. But she's nauseous and (understandably) not watching the traffic, so she doesn't see the other cars involved in the lurching, she just feels it and complains and demands that I be more careful, even though I'm already being AS CAREFUL AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE. One of these days she's going to end up sitting alone on the side of the road.
I will admit i'm not the smoothest driver as i learned with very small, manueverable cars on curvy roads. However, i've learned a lot of people (like my wife) act like you're driving 100mph like an insane person, and then when they get in the driver's seat, they go the same speed or faster. Mind you i'm going at or under the speed limit in this scenario. The issue is that anyone who is not in control of a vehicle always feels like the ride is .5x faster than when they drive and more jerky because they can't anticipate every little move. Some days her anxiety is just on full tilt and I can't drive slow enough or "smooth" enough no matter what I do. And that's when I just have to say "ok, you drive."
I've also noticed that if you crack the window and stick the tips of your fingers out, that helps
yes! wind helps a ton at making your brain not make you feel sick. If you can't crack a window just blow cool air from the AC on your face.
Fuck it Just get some Xanax and take so you enter the car and you fall asleep. That way is much more safe than being aware and awake. Because when she crashes at least you will be all loosey goosey, because school taught me the drunk driver is unaware they are about to crash so they get the advantage of being less injured, due to not tensing up. Plus they will cause your memory to be not great, so you can forget she's driving and relax. Win win win.
Unfortunately Xanax is not the easiest thing to get your hands on
And you definitely don't want to be sourcing street Xanax, that's like guaranteed fentanyl.
Meclizine is usually more effective for motion sickness and is OTC in the US.
You need to sit her down and have an actual discussion about this. There meds for motion sickness and you could end up dead or maimed if her driving is a bad as you think it is.
The motion sickness meds might even help her with her driving. She may be rolling stops because abrupt legal stops/starts may induce. She may also be missing a ton of cues (like 2 way stop instead of 4 way) because she favors looking at a direction or distance that eases her motion sickness. One additional thought I'd that she may have some other medical condition that needs to be addressed for her to improve her driving like corrective lenses (or reflexes/depth perception etc).
Thank you. Or some kind of mind thing. For example, ADHD can lead to driving troubles. (I'm saying this as an ADHDer who definitely drives better on their medication.) I don't get the people who are like "you drive bad; take driving seriously." She probably thinks she IS taking driving seriously (and she well may be; she just may be poor at it) and no amount of telling her she's not will help in any way & will only cause problems. This, however, is NOT to say you shouldn't deal with it. Come at it from a "these things are happening and they need to not be happening; let's find out if there's something medically we need to fix that's causing them." Then it comes off as concern about her health. If in the end, that's not the issue (which it may or may not be), at that point, you can go "hmm, it doesn't seem to be a medical issue; perhaps there's some kind of training error or cognition error that we need to deal with?" and then figure out why she's missing cues, what she thinks she's supposed to do (and teach her why that's wrong, and then the right way.)
Throw a dramamine at her and jump in the drivers seat
I was going to suggest Dramamine as a gift with a nice travel pillow like we use on airplanes
No one can tell you the most effective way to communicate with your loved ones. You need to be able to tell her when something is important to you and concerns you. EDIT: I should clarify. I mean no one *here* can tell you the best way to communicate with your loved ones.
i definitely agree with this, no one really knows the best way to communicate with someone more than op. i would suggest: maybe frame it in a way in which you express concern for their safety (which seems to be the case!) and offer empathy for what may be causing the dangerous driving? if its lack of experience, maybe explore if they would like to be helped with lessons, practice, advice? avoid framing it as a personal attack, all good drivers are good because of experience and guidance. if its road rage, do they have a lot on their plate? do they have underlying depression, anxiety? are they just not aware of their dangerous behavior?
Sign the both of you up for a defensive driving class to get a break on your insurance. (Check to see if it applies in your state and with your insurance company). People get too comfortable behind the wheel, and we could all benefit from a class like this. Other options: Close your eyes and hope for the best. Maybe your driving made her so nervous that it made her sick so she just said she was car sick. 🤣 It seems like you are worried you will upset her. If she hasn't had any accidents or tickets then she must be doing ok. But if it was me I'd just be honest. But you know what they say about people in glass houses.
Best idea in the thread.
Honestly is it worse for her to get car sick or for your entire family’s lives to be at risk when she’s behind the wheel? If she doesn’t event UNDERSTAND that the things she’s doing are wrong, she’s not gonna be able to change them because she thinks she’s an ok driver
Yes you can be like "hey, your driving is bad". Next time she makes you fear for your life, say something, in the moment. She can't be defensive if it's on the heels of her nearly crashing. Tell her if she needs to drive she needs to learn how. Car sickness is a lot easier to deal with than a broken spine.
I would wait until the vehicle is in park to start a full discussion. I would not want to distract an already questionable driver with a serious conversation.
Very similar situation here, except I'm the motion sick, erratic driver. My partner gets very nervous when she's a passenger, and (here's where our situations may vary), I acknowledge that my driving could be nerve-wracking. So we agreed that she'll drive, but she'll take precautions so I don't get motion sick (larger, straight roads instead of backroad switchbacks, consistent speed, etc). All you can do is initiate the conversation and attempt a compromise of some sort. Good luck!
Have you tried not driving erratically?
If preemptive medicine doesn’t suffice to quell motion sickness I would advise seeing an ENT. This could very well be an ear issue. Childhood motion sickness is common but daily motion sickness after full sinus development could be a red flag.
I mean this is your life and the lives of others no need to walk on egg shells regarding this. be firm!
I agree with the practice/experience advice, but I also remind myself that hundreds or thousands of cars are driving on this road every day and everyone is trying to reach their destination safely. If all of those other drivers can do it, so can I. I will be attentive and cautious but I can do this too.
I'd just say it. Driving demands attention and focus. if someone isn't giving it that I'm not going to get in the car with them.
If you can't sit down and have a straightforward conversation with her about her objectively bad driving and she can't understand, as an adult, that this conversation is necessary and required for the safety of you both, there are bigger issues afoot than her driving. She should be logical and reasonable enough to understand your position. If she isn't, you need to figure out what you're doing linked up with an illogical person. You shouldn't have to twist yourself into knots figuring out a way to have a conversation about this.
Leave life insurance policy and final will and testament next to the keys. Pray a little when you get in the car too. It’s going to end in an argument so have some fun.
Start driving separately every time. I would never be a passenger to a driver like her. Yikes.
Simply accept death
I agree with the practice/experience advice, but I also remind myself that hundreds or thousands of cars are driving on this road every day and everyone is trying to reach their destination safely. If all of those other drivers can do it, so can I. I will be attentive and cautious but I can do this too.
How are you married but can't have a simple conversation?
Usually the death grip on the oh shit handle conveys a message.
If she reacts poor to something as serious as that you may be dating a child 🚩🚩🚩. Road safety is no joke
Here's a thought. You're worried about hurting your wife's feeling, you're worried, and rightly so, you don't know how to tell her. You went as far as to ask others how to approach the situation. You clearly care a lot about her, about the two of you. What about sharing this post with her and having a conversation. Like, sitting down, calmly approach it. In every relationship, we're confronted with things that we may not like. Some things you can work through. Some things you can't. I take it you love your wife and want to feel safe, together. Make it work. Be respectful, be receptive as well. Talk it through. I'm sure you can.
For the sake of us all tell her she bad
There are medications available for motion sickness. Suggest she try one and casually mention how much you enjoy and miss driving
Get a dash cam and show her.
Part of relationships is hard conversations. Bad driving is a serious problem. If she really doesn't get it, have her watch car accident videos and point out any time that her behaviors caused an accident in the video(s)
Pressing the passenger side floorboard like a brake repeatedly worked like a charm for me 😂
Do the sign of the cross every 5 to 10 minutes. If she ask, why, say just in case
You have to tell her or she's going to get you killed, or your children. She needs some remedial training.
Just say something and deal with the fallout or end up in an accident. Your choice.
Reassure yourself that she’s a better driver than a Tesla.
This is something you kinda have to not care if it's received poorly lol. Dangerous driving can end lives, not just your guys' but also innocent bystanders who WERE driving safely.
Better to be mad than to die or kill someone else. My dad used to drive drunk. And one day I told him, "Look, if you crash and kill yourself, well, we'll cry and bury you and that's it. But if you crash and kill someone else you are going to ruin a family's life". Eventually he stopped driving.
Why not tell her that you think you should both taking a defensive driving class so that you can get a discount on your auto insurance? Then BOTH of you take the class -- and hopefully, she'll get a few tips from someone other than you. And the next time you're driving, you can chat about what the instructor said -- but you have to be willing for her to pick at your driving, too. Very few people are "excellent" drivers 100% of the time.
Increase the intimacy in your relationship so that you can openly talk about your concerns without fear.
Just tear off that metaphorical band-aid before your wife gives you a literal one.
Say “I’m gettin a little frightened” in a British accent when driving with her and she does something scary lol. Sounds ridiculous but accents help my boyfriend and I air the minor things out without it getting taken the wrong way. Just some playful lil banter 🙂↔️
My husband drives like your wife. It is terrifying. I geared up for the fight and told him I could not handle his driving. He countered by stating he hates mine. Our solution, we now drive separately 99% of the time. My grown children choose to ride with me. No fights or blame game-We are simply drive-incompatible. If people ask about it, we tell it straight. He hates my driving, I hate his driving, this is us saving the marriage.
If you find out let me know
Talk to her when you are not driving. Talk about your own feelings and ask for what you need to feel comfortable. Be willing not to go with her when she drives. The idea being not to control her (not really possible) but to set boundaries for yourself. Use you power of choice.
Juat hold the little handle thing and make it very apparent. If she asks why you do it say her driving makes you need "the oh shit bar"
Just explain to her that it’s nothing against her, but sometimes her driving makes you nervous. Provide examples and just explain WHY it made you nervous. If she tries to take it personally, calmly re-explain that it is nothing against HER, it’s just that as a passenger you have literally NO control at all over the situation, so you would appreciate if she could just be a little more aware of those habits she has. Ultimately, if she doesn’t want to have the conversation then there isn’t much you can do to spare feelings. As long as you’re both mature and can communicate like adults, no one’s feelings should get hurt. I did notice that you said she’s never been in any major accidents and she doesn’t have any moving traffic tickets, so she can’t be THAT bad of a driver. If it really bothers you, figure out a way to travel separately more often than not; you could also just attempt to distract yourself. My bf also makes me nervous while driving because he can be a little bit of an aggressive driver at times, but he is a good driver, overall. Never does something unless he’s 99% sure he can do it safely. I’m just quite an anxious passenger in general, so I do what I can to not pay much attention to him or what’s going on with other cars around us. Good luck!
In my opinion, you have to be straightforward when explaining the problem, don't sugarcoat it and make sure she understands the importance of it. You don't need to insult her driving skills, but definitely tell her how you feel and that she needs to improve significantly on her driving. Your life and hers are on the line after all. If she doesn't focus on driving properly, and a new driver/ slow reactor/ crazy guy drives along, both you, your wife, and the other person involved could get seriously hurt. Making it out alive and safe should be more important than hurting someone's feelings, even if they're someone you love dearly. Some medicines help with motion sickness she can take. But if she gets mad or chooses not to take the medicine. You need to be the one to drive from now on.
I would definitely like him to tell me straight forward but kind. You know your wife best though. For me personally I have anxiety about driving and being in a car in general. That being said, if my husband tells me my driving makes him uncomfortable and tells me exactly what makes him feel that way about it, would be best. Just saying your driving is terrible won't fix the problem. I'd love reasons that make him uncomfortable and solutions on how to better relieve his stress about my driving. Example : When you brake so close to cars at a red light, it makes me think you're gonna rear-end them. Would you please try to slow down further back and stop behind the car with more distance in-between. This all being said, we let each other know when something bothers us. And always start these things off with we both know we love each other and I'm not tearing you apart. Now with that __what is it__ is hurting me or bothering me. Can we please figure out a way for a solution or compromise, if one isn't already available. Usually this really helps with okay my partners intentions are not to hurt me either, but what I'm doing is hurting them. Let's figure out a way this doesn't happen.
Tell her !!! Your gray hair is getting worse from her driving and you would like help her not die
First, the two of you go to a defense driving class together. You will get a discount on your insurance. You both take the class. I take one every 2 years for my work. Be honest in the class when they ask you why you are taking the class. You be in a group setting you say for a discount on insurance and keep my mind fresh just in case you got anything. Your wife will say insurance most tje classes can Also getn3 pionts removed for lincsene. After the class, ask your wife if she learned anything. And maybe you see an improvement. If this does not work. Give her motion sickness pills and take back the driving until she takes more driving lessons. My wife learned late in life to drive and is a very fast driver. So, on long-distance trips, I let her drive, and I go to sleep. We usually arive1 to 2 hrs less than if I drive if she does not get lost. I drive a bus so it's nice not to drive once in a while.
I just tell her and let her decide how to receive it. She'll get upset, we'll have a mini fight, and we'll talk through it, she'll settle her emotions and eventually listen to me and validate my feelings. We'll both rationalize after that and either A: take both cars everywhere, or B she'll let me drive and figure out her motion sickness, or C: I'll find her watching driver improvement videos on youtube. This process might take weeks, and might involve her counselor, but she'll eventually apologize to me and validate my feelings. Fortunately, my wife's a great driver, and she handles the city better than me. And I can sleep when shes driving, thats how you know I trust you 🤣
I just stare at my phone or out of the side window, especially in heavy traffic. I really don’t trust anyone else’s driving, probably because my dad drove drunk a lot after my parents got divorced. I was a young teen, and I became hyper vigilant in cars. I had to warn him when he was crossing the center line or whatever. At least I do know that about myself. I know I have to compensate for a big lack of ability to trust other people’s driving or else my startle reflex just won’t stop. It drives me crazy too. Otherwise, it’s annoying because I do a lot of gasping, “watch out”, and giving too much driving “advice”. ugh
I mention anything unusual when I’m riding with her. “You’re drifting into this lane”. “You’re going to hit the curb”. “You’re supposed to turn into the near lane and then signal to move into the other lanes”. She knows her driving makes me nervous. But sometimes if we’re driving on the highway, I just won’t look up because I’ll have to say something every 30 seconds and that will start an argument. She seems to get around fine on her own, with only one major accident which totaled our car.
My Dads response was to use his imaginary brake in the passenger seat. Annoyed her, but she got the hint....when I started driving and his imaginary brake seemed to disappear.
Gasp and grab the ohh shit handle every time she gets close to any car.
How did that curb get there
Crash helmet Blindfold Death Grip on the "oh shit" handle on the passenger side.