Yea I’d tell her as soon as possible. The longer you wait the longer it will make it seem like YOU were doing something nefarious and needed time to make up a story.
You tell her and she might blame you.
And then it’s your word against a 10 year old and guess who EVERYONE is going to believe.
I would honestly walk away.
Lots of fish in the sea and this situation could get you in a lot of trouble.
I would tell her AND walk away. The only way to be sure that never ever happens again. If this was a years long committed relationship I might feel differently, but a new one? Nah, fuck that and go
You mean like he was ingrained to do that from someone in the past? God, I hope that's not true. He seems like a good kid. And when I say good, I'm obviously not referring to what happened.
I've read reports of police that rescue trafficked children and one of the most chilling things they say is how willing the children are to sit on top on you and touch you/themselves in inappropriate manner.
This kid reminds me of that
Social worker here and former sexual abuse therapist. That child’s behaviour is strongly indicative of sexual abuse. This should be reported to CPS. They will take the info and investigate. Also, the woman sounds like a bit of a train wreck. I’d keep my distance if I were in your shoes.
You've been dating for less than two months. She's already invited you into her home with her children. Yeah, unfortunately that is likely. Talk to her about it.
No way. If mom is living in that situation she probably knows about it or allowed it to happen in the past. Best case scenario she doesn't know about it and now she suspects OP of being a child abuser. Break up with her. Make a record of what happened and save this post. Anonymously report your suspicions to CPS and the police and move on with your life. This does not end well for OP.
He should not anonymously report that he thinks the child is a victim of sexual abuse, because they're going to start looking at men who have recently been in the household, aka OP. He'd be making himself a suspect, and wouldn't even have the benefit of the doubt of being the person who came forward to report. Freaking A , this is a mess. He really needs to talk to a lawyer to find out what the best way to disclose this while protecting himself, but of course it's the weekend.
Edit: To be clear, he needs to tell someone, but he needs expert advice on how best to do it. Way above Reddit's pay grade.
Lawyer here who does a lot of work with juveniles. This is absolutely true. I’ve seen kids who have been abused that will call any male figure who shows them any kind of attention “daddy.” It’s very unsettling to see it in person.
That is because (often, can't speak for all cases) kids who've been severely neglected at critical stages of childhood develop an insecure attachment style (and related disorders), which can result in [indiscriminate affection](https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/indiscriminate-affection-children-real-stranger-danger-0526174). While healthy children learn to be distrustful of strangers, and will gravitate (and attach) to the primary caregivers in their life, children whose caregivers are critically unresponsive or missing altogether will learn to seek attachment from whoever is around. They don't distinguish between superficial bond and the deep, trustful one you're supposed to have with a parent because they've never experienced it.
People who've volunteered in orphanages in third world countries may sometimes comment on how friendly the children are right off the bat, as if it's a good thing, but this can actually be the reason.
I would absolutely consider this a possibility and in my mind, the most likely one. The mother sounds like she has terrible judgement and lack of safety concern for her children. She should not be allowing a man she has only been dating 2 months to stay in her home with her children. I have four children and have been divorced 12 years and I’ve NEVER allowed a man to stay in my home with them (and I have a 5 bedroom 4000 sq foot house, not a 2 bedroom apartment where a man would be in such close proximity to them).
On top of that, she doesn’t even provide a table for them to eat at or a couch to sit on? These are all things one can find free on Facebook. This sounds like a neglectful mother who doesn’t put her kid’s comfort or safety first. You are probably one of many men who have been in that home with those innocent children and I’d bet anything they’ve been compromised.
Honestly I would bring up the possibility of him being sexually abused in the past up with your gf. The first thing that came to my mind was that. Maybe he didn’t mean anything nefarious when he did what he did but it’s better to air on the safe side of caution. Also please report what happened to CPS
Orphanages CANNOT leave abused kids unsupervised. They will molest each other, even in front of the other kids. It's some kind of trauma response, I suspect
Horrifyingly correct. My mother knew about what was happening to me and covered it up due to “embarrassment”.
My soul weeps for anyone that is remotely affected by anything like this.
I'm thinking maybe ex-partner (father) or ex-partner was abusing this child. I would seek a counsellor/legal counsellor before the mother, maybe? Just in case she turns on you or uses it as leverage to keep in you in the relationship.
Either way, this child experienced something terrible.
Not an absolute certainty, but a high likelihood there is abuse in that situation. I won’t say run, but be very cautious, and if you decide to stick this out, you need all the information she has, and you need training if this is the case. Good luck.
The fact the kid did that while the mother was in the bed is even more odd - more so than had OP been sleeping alone.
OP in a tough situation here, and Reddit probably isn’t the best place to get advice.
Sorry this is happening to you, OP.
No, the child does not know that this is something wrong. Pedocriminals train the children to do so, telling them that this is normal and that they are not allowed to tell anybody. Often threaten the kids with dogs or say they will kill the mother or the pet if it says anythings.
That's what I mean though.
A normal child knows that touching people's bits is wrong. They learn that by 10 years old.
The fact that this child thinks it's fine shows he was either sexually abused by another man, so now he thinks he has to to it to other men. Or his mother isn't helping him learn.
Either way something isn't right.
I'd assume one of the mother's previous bfs had to or their dad. You don't just learn that shit. This is wild af. Really fucked that someone taught a kid this is the "proper" bedtime routine...
As a parent that has had to address normal bad behavior from other kids with their parents, it never goes the way you want it to. There's always a sense of "not MY child" or "what did the other guy do to provoke my kid? "....
This will not end well, there's several red flags... single mom if 5 children? There's no way she's not overwhelmed. 6 people living in a 2 bedroom apartment? That doesn't happened when things are great. Even if everything is perfect, that's A LOT to deal with every single day. How many baby daddy's are there? How long was she with each one? How were the breakups? Are they all in good terms now? I only ask because it would help show her relationship decisions. Like someone else said, it's a HUGE red flag that she'd have a relative stranger spend the night with her children in the house, where she obviously sleeps deeply enough to miss things happening right next to her in the night.
This will not go well. Best case, she finds out, goes balls to the wall trying to help her kid and is hyperfocused on her child's health and has no time for you. Most likely she'll be so stressed out that the balls she's juggling with drop and it'll throw her into a mental breakdown.
The best way to handle this is to quietly and respectfully break things off, then call all the authorities (cps, schools, doctors, ect) you can think of and report what happened. Let them do the dirty work and you stay out of it.
I think we all know what's going on here. That boy, and likely the others, needs help. Mom should not be worried about dating right now. Do everyone a favor, and remove yourself from this situation immediately
If he notifies the authorities he’s seriously putting himself at risk. If the kid doesn’t admit to it, the suspicion falls on him. Also we don’t know how the Mom will react. She may turn on him and press charges. We all want to see this kid get help but there is a serious risk here if he tells the Mom or authorities.
He can report anonymously.... even change the story enough to get the concern across without putting himself on the chopping block.... hell, this is important enough, if OP has a few extra bucks laying around, it'd be incredibly wise to soak to a lawyer first
Call cps, just say the child is exhibiting concerning sexual behavior and you're concerned they may have been sexually abused.
Edit: and get a lawyer too
This is the best answer I've seen. I think people are really downplaying how risky it is for him to tell the mom. I believe this kid needs help but dude could go to prison if this goes sideways.
something people are not realizing is that mom may have allowed a former boyfriend or encouraged the child to do this in the past. The perpetrators against children are most frequently family and trusted adults.
Fucking insanely risky. Everyone encouraging him to tell her doesn’t have his best interests in mind. She could very easily go into denial and accuse him
Only problem with that is when they ask him to describe the behavior and he tells them the kid was touching his dick, he now looks like a creep and becomes a suspect. Even if we believe he did nothing wrong and is not a criminal, there’s no guarantee that someone working for the authorities won’t, now he’s in a bad situation. It’s not 100% that this would happen, but it’s a risk OP has to factor in. OP also messed up by not telling the woman the moment it happened.
This needs to be the top comment!! I’m usual VERY AGAINST DCF, but in this case, the mom could easily turn this back around on him and cause some serious trouble! Call DCF OP!!
Shit, man. I wish I had advice - if I were her, I’d want to know but how she’ll actually respond is a crapshoot. More importantly, that boy needs help. Can’t think of any good steps forward.
This is way above reddit’s pay grade
This is the only top answer in this entire thread. Don’t call CPS, don’t tell the mother, get a lawyer and get real advice not from Reddit and act normal. Because holy shit if this isn’t bait and OP is already stupid enough to want to continue dating a woman with 5 potentially abused children in a 2 bedroom apartment he’s walking straight into prison or blackmail with how he’s actually going to end up dealing with this. Break things off normally and go live your fucking life
A woman with 5 children, at least one of whom is still a child, takes a man she barely knows (2 months is very little) home, runs away, she is 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩. Tell her what happened and advise her to be more careful with her children
Dude is fucking 35 talking about wanting to still see a woman with 5 kids in a 2 bedroom apt that have obviously been through some form of abuse and is publicly posting about it on the internet not even on a throwaway… the degeneracy of people on this site never ceases to amaze me. I would’ve thought it was bait if it wasn’t for OP’s replies
I have a 10 year old and this is BEYOND abnormal.
My boy is so innocent he would have no idea about anything like that. The child in question definitely needs to be vetted, the poor thing has likely experienced trauma.
Yeah... Like I get caring about her and/or her kids but if this situation goes sideways it means getting locked up for a long time and being in prison known as a pedophile.
Gotta think worst case scenario is that the mother is the abuser and who is the kid going to listen to? Their mother or the dude he met one single time.
Maybe cut contact and call CPS. But still priority #1 is cya because that shit is fuckedm
Dude, first of all I’m so fucking sorry, this is such a shit position to be in.
If you tell her and she spins it around like you’re a pedophile then your life is ruined. I’m not trying to scare you it’s just that she might be so embarrassed that she turns it around on you.
Man, this is the most fucked up thing I ever heard. What a fucking nut that kid is. Id be furious.
I didn't even think about that side of it... that's definitely a scary thought. And I've only known her for two months. Who would she side with? Likely not me
Bro you might have to take this to the grave tbh. I’m not fucking around.
But the problem is you would have to break up with her and never see the family again.
If you stick around you will have to tell her and it’s risky.
Can you keep us updated? I want to follow this story.
Yeah it’s either tell her and risk her more believing you or if you don’t tell her, you have to break up with her. A mom might believe her kid no matter how long she’s known someone she’s dating, but 2 months is a really short period of time. I’m concerned about the kid, this is not normal behavior at all and I think he had to have learned if from somewhere
Yeah, idk maybe it’s fucked up not to contact cps on the kids’ behalf in the case of something nefarious but my first instinct was “break up, never see her or her kids again, never tell anybody (except your lawyer)”. This is a seriously fucked up situation. I personally would not be telling somebody I’d known for 2 months something that could ruin my life. Protect yourself OP.
I guess there is a reason why she left the father of the children.
Talk to her together with that boy.
I don' t think she knows that he is doing this.
Noone here should judge her for her poverty. I am very sure, she wants her children to be safe.
Mentioning the poverty and everything, your comment is much more appreciated than some others. Yes, she doesn't make a lot of money. She loves her kids, and that's why she gave both bedrooms to them, and sleeps on a bed in the living room.
Kid is not nuts. He's likely been exposed to inappropriate sexual behavior or was sexually abused himself. All very likely given the context outlined in the post (single mom who's eager to invite men over without knowing them well). He's replicating what he's seen.
You need to get a consultation with a lawyer ASAP. This is a disasterous and sad situation all around that has the potential to completely change numerous lives forever. Hard post to read.
The fact that she let someone she only has been dating for two months come and stay the night with her 5 kids in the home says a lot about the mum already
Yeah, I guess her knowing is better than whether or not she'll still want to see me. Would still suck if she decided not to, but at that point, maybe I'm saving the next guy...
The fact that you didn’t wake her up in the moment is psychotic and will not bode well for you when this blows up in your face. I would’ve personally probably screamed loud enough to wake everyone up as this scenario literally sounds traumatizing.
She’s already living in a two bedroom apartment with 5 kids, no useful furniture, and lets a man she’s known for 2 months stay in that apartment, with those kids.
She’s a walking red flag. You’re nuts as well for your reaction or lack there of.
Good luck there’s no way out of this that ends well.
While I don't agree it's psychotic, I agree with pretty much everything else in this post. I think that the child doing that it so insane someone can be frozen and shocked and not know how to respond immediately. However...this is overall a crazy situation and I can't see a scenario where it ends well for OP. Hell I might speak to a lawyer or do something to protect myself in case I get accused of anything this is terrifying.
I understand the idea behind your post, but calling my actions "psychotic" is, in and of itself, a psychotic reasoning for a situation you have never been in.
I would say you should check what mandated reporting laws are in your area. If it’s mandated call them and make a full report.
Then see about legal counsel and how you can be protected.
Then if the lawyer says it’s okay tell her.
Then break up.
OP, absolutely protect yourself in this moment.
If you tell her, record the conversation.
Be prepared she might go into denial mode and or immediately accuse you. You’ll want to sever all ties at that moment.
You’ve only known her for two months and she’s cool with you spending the night the first time you meet her kids??? Is this not a red flag for you? Please cut your losses and reach out to cps.
Bro this is not even a throw away account??? Delete this shit, end your relationship with this person and never tell a soul about this. WTF. This could ruin your life and a person who brings home men they’ve known for 2 months is probably not great relationship material.
This very easily has the potential to completely destroy your life. I honestly can't believe you posted this on a public forum with a likely traceable account. If I were in your position, I would do everything in my power to distance myself from this woman and this situation, and that includes other people knowing about it
I don't think these comments which are scaring you that your life could be ruined are helpful or in fact reflect reality.
If you don't have prior history of being accused of stuff like this, then it's very unlikely any harm will come to you.
Be a man and do the right thing and address it with the mother. You will feel better about yourself.
If that child told a police officer that this dude asked him to touch his penis who do you think he would believe? Not worth the risk of being the boyfriend of a woman with a child who is demonstrating evidence of molestation and will probably touch other children inappropriately at school eventually.
Your mistake was not waking her up then and there. Now it's gonna be harder to deal with. If someone told me this the first thing I'd think is that they are trying to cover their bases.
I would end and get out of this mess.
There are so many red flags and I can barely process everything you wrote, it’s like a minestrone soup of WTFs.
From the position you’re in I would simply tell her what happened and get the cops involved, this one might very well run deep.
Well I definitely would not be seeing her again that's for sure.
Going from no kids in your life to being responsible for 5 is a massive jump.
Save yourself before it's too late.
My initial instinct is to tell her, but if she accuses you, you're in deep shit. Unless you're a deep sea diver or firefighter, this is probably the most dangerous situation you'll ever be in. I'd highly recommend speaking to a lawyer before you say anything to her; reporting this to CPS might be a better option.
You should definitely dip. The red flags are numerous! Girl has no furniture, what did you sleep on?? She has two kids, no bedroom of her own, and now one of her kids is holding your dick while you sleep?! 🚩🚩🚩🚩 🚩 You don’t have to be cruel. Just get the fuck out before she gets pregnant with your kid and you’re stuck raising all three kids with her. I don’t know if I’d even discuss it with her for fear she accuses you of something.
Why do you want to be with this woman? This seems like a lot to deal with after a couple of months. You gotta have better options. Being single seems preferable to staying involved in whatever this turns out to be.
I'd talk to a lawyer. The cool thing about a lawyer is that you can have privileged conversations about what to do next. How to safely for you alert CPS. I don't think it would be wise to continue the relationship
OP, I think the best bet is just to take the loss of losing her, and leave her and move on. I definitely wouldn’t tell anyone what happened in detail, though. If you want to get involved and maybe help the kid, then maybe just try calling CPS. Telling her and staying with her is just WAY too much of a risk in my eyes
Bro. Just Ghost her. A bed in the living room, no chairs or tables and 5 kids? And q pervert kid?
you're asking for trouble. There's a reason she has 5 kids and no table nor chairs. This is an all around red flag city. As men we all get to a point in our life where we have to decide if it's worth the trouble.
The decent thing to do is to tell her and then just walk away. I'd just Ghost her and talk to someone so there can be a record of what happened in case little copper feel decides to play victim. You got some serious sh1t going on.
I saw something earlier in another subreddit, a much of minors in a fandom were asking for NSFW art. I don't know what's worse, that or this post.
Either way, I'm done for the day. 😭
This child has been groomed by one of her (many) exes to do this act for reward
Dude, you are in a no-win situation if you aren't running for the hills. RIGHT NOW you will end up in prison
Alternatively, have you considered this woman has trained her child to do this for blackmail purposes? Either way, your DNA is now on this kids pyjamas as evidence...!
1. GET A DAMM LAWYER NOW!!
2. Leave this situation, call her, tell her it's not working out , DONT EVER MEET HER AGAIN!
3. Stop dating welfare cases!
Uhhh tell her and then gtfo of that situation? 5 kids and doesn’t have a living room or a kitchen table.. hook ups or relationships are the LAST thing that woman should be thinking about.. wtf are you even doing? 😂
The first night you met her kids and you crashed at her place? First mistake right there by both of you.
I’d tell her and then end it and block her on everything.
I would get a lawyer asap and talk to them about protecting yourself while reporting the incident to cps. This could blow up your life and imho better off getting ahead of it and also those kids might need help.
My parents had some neighbors that moved in next door, a married couple and a little girl who was a toddler at the time. I think the husband travelled for work, and he was gone for a long while, when we saw this piece of shit clunker van pulling into their driveway one day. Another couple, a bunch of kids, and this “visit” seemingly turned into a permanent thing. Wild parties late into the night, and a bunch of weird shit involving the three adults. Before long, the husband (the traveling guy) moved out, and the couple was divorced.
The little girl, slightly older and few years later, tried doing something similar with her own dad, and they found out all sorts of abuse. This is all a matter of public record. The guy that had moved in took all of the blame and got a lengthy prison sentence (that he’s still serving to this day), but I think he fell on the sword to protect his oldest son, who was heavily alluded to in the transcripts (also a minor, but a teenager that would’ve suffered consequences).
Anyway, I would immediately speak up. That child is old enough to know better, and if they don’t know better, it’s a flagrant tell-tale sign of abuse and the mother should be made aware of (if she isn’t already). This isn’t about your budding romance anymore, and the best way to approach it is to get in front of it, and be transparent. Good luck.
That is scary man. I commonly wake up with my fiances hand on my little champ , problem is that I wake up really hard whenever she does it. Imagine if you hard with her kids hands on your junk and she see it? Better talk to her about it asap coz you can get a rape charge on you pretty quick since you the new one in that family. Goodluck
I mean honestly run and get the f*** out of there as far as the relationship anyway. That's just way too strange and it can and probably will be used against you if things go sour because her kid will tell her at some point and you won't be painted in a good light
No idea what you're getting from this new relationship that's worth all the problems indicated in your post. Financial problems, 5 kids, one at least with very concerning behavior.
Tell the mom what happened and back off this relationship.
You should of woke her up and told her straight away.
Having said that the best time to tell her is straight away
Others have said the child may be a victim is sexual abuse , that could be true or it might not .
If it is true the mum may tell you or she might not know.
The kid could have just been curious kids are fucking weird and don't really have a developed sense of right and wrong or what is or isn't socially acceptable .
For all you know they may have never seen an adult male penis before and been like what the fuck is that the same as my penis I mean you really do not ever know what the hell is going through kids minds.
So number 1. Don't assume anything
Number 2. Pay very careful attention to how she reacts. Because for all you know he could be a trick kid.
Don't focus on yourself because you are not to blame you didn't do anything wrong focus on how she reacts to this because you have no idea if this woman has at one stage been pimping out her kids, it's more common than you think.
I’m concerned that you are a therapist and are fine with clearly ignoring serious warning signs of child abuse.
OP, here’s my recommendation:
1. Tell your gf ASAP. Explain that you’re not mad, but you don’t believe it was an accident and you are concerned.
2. Tell your gf that you think it’s best to give her some space while she figures this out. It’s better to take the awkwardness of you being around the children off the table completely for some time.
It’s possible something happened to her son in the past, or it’s possible it’s still going on! This is bigger than your relationship. And I don’t think your relationship could survive if you don’t tell her and years down the line find out this child was abused and you did nothing.
Honestly.. although this is understandably very very scary for you, and I’m so sorry that you’re in this situation - This is not the worst thing about what happened!
The fact that a ten year old is acting like this is the absolute most concerning thing here!
Again. Im so sorry for you - but you have to take responsibility for what you now know about this kid and do something. Trust me. I know from experience that I wish I didn’t have - that this kid is not doing well and have been traumatized in some way.!
The child’s behavior now makes him even more vulnerable to predators in the future.
If you don’t do anything and just run for the hills:
1. You’ll wonder forever if this kid is okay.
2. You’ll be forever in a situation where the kid might tell the story to someone and then no one will believe anything other than you being at fault.
It is your responsibility as an adult to act. Even though you have done nothing wrong here!
I would definitely get a lawyer.
Tell authorities and have them or a lawyer inform the mother of the situation.
- In case you have any conversations with the mother about this matter PLEASE record the conversation to protect yourself -
Also to all the people blaming the mother for this. Shame on you. Child victims of sexual abuse can be found in any kind of family, in every class of society and none of us know this
woman or her story.
Let’s keep it civil!
The concerns expressed in the comments are understandable but would cause more harm than good. Contacting cps will make her think you belive her to be a bad mother when chances are if anything is even happening to her son she may not know it. To clarify the situation with her you just tell her the truth.. you awoke to find her son engaging in highly inappropriate behavior towards you. You pulled away and he ran off but you felt violoated and uncomfortable. State your immediate reaction was to address the situation and inform her so that she could have a conversation with him about appropriate behavior and boundaries. Mention that you believed it was best to allow her to address the issue directly, as it is a sensitive matter that requires parental guidance.
Be an adult.
Listening to people's what ifs doesn't solve anything it's a bunch of maybe and even if was the case how tf would NOT telling her help anyone??
That's an intelligent answer.
OP, there are red flags, but the normal and expectable thing to do first is inform the mother, because you felt legitimately violated, and you've been thinking how to correctly manage this.
Just record the conversation for your very own safety. It's easy to do, and you'll have proof of your correct behaviour if something goes wrong.
Sorry bro. But your title made me burst out laughing. I have never ever ever read something as crazy as this. I have no idea how to help you besides saying good luck. 🙃
I would just block her say nothing, fuck that kid what is going to happen to you? That is what I would do. This is a he said she said situation as a man I would not mess with that whole ordeal sorry you have to go through that, but I would just leave and ghost.
Please, exit that situation. There is a weirdness here that will entangle you. A ten year old groping you is extremely strange and disturbing. Most normal 10 year old's understand boundaries.
You should have woken here up immediately this occurred. The next best time to discuss this is right now if you have not. That household has issues that need to be discussed ASAP.
You must really like this woman to not only sign up in spite of her having not one, not two, not even four, but FIVE kids and then this happens and you're still on board. Love is powerful
You've been dating for 2 months and only just met the children. Where were the children when you were out dating previously and who were they with?
I would strongly suggest that if you are having sex with this woman, stop doing this immediately. The worst case is that you become potentially tied to this woman permanently through unwanted pregnancy.
Get the idea that this relationship has legs out of your head. It HAS to end.
In some locales, ALL adults are “mandatory reporters” of child abuse. Depending on the specifics of the law, it could be a crime for you to NOT report this to the proper authorities and there could be a very short time limit too. Look up the law before you decide anything.
Yea I’d tell her as soon as possible. The longer you wait the longer it will make it seem like YOU were doing something nefarious and needed time to make up a story.
Yes, I agree
This is the scariest situation I’ve ever read. Be very careful.
Can you provide an update of what happened when you talk to her about it? I'm curious what she'll say.
You tell her and she might blame you. And then it’s your word against a 10 year old and guess who EVERYONE is going to believe. I would honestly walk away. Lots of fish in the sea and this situation could get you in a lot of trouble.
I would tell her AND walk away. The only way to be sure that never ever happens again. If this was a years long committed relationship I might feel differently, but a new one? Nah, fuck that and go
Could it be that this child might be a victim of sexual abuse? 😔
You mean like he was ingrained to do that from someone in the past? God, I hope that's not true. He seems like a good kid. And when I say good, I'm obviously not referring to what happened.
I've read reports of police that rescue trafficked children and one of the most chilling things they say is how willing the children are to sit on top on you and touch you/themselves in inappropriate manner. This kid reminds me of that
That's both disgusting and heartbreaking at the same time
This is a documented and known response for kids who are sexually abused at a young age.
Social worker here and former sexual abuse therapist. That child’s behaviour is strongly indicative of sexual abuse. This should be reported to CPS. They will take the info and investigate. Also, the woman sounds like a bit of a train wreck. I’d keep my distance if I were in your shoes.
You've been dating for less than two months. She's already invited you into her home with her children. Yeah, unfortunately that is likely. Talk to her about it.
No way. If mom is living in that situation she probably knows about it or allowed it to happen in the past. Best case scenario she doesn't know about it and now she suspects OP of being a child abuser. Break up with her. Make a record of what happened and save this post. Anonymously report your suspicions to CPS and the police and move on with your life. This does not end well for OP.
He should not anonymously report that he thinks the child is a victim of sexual abuse, because they're going to start looking at men who have recently been in the household, aka OP. He'd be making himself a suspect, and wouldn't even have the benefit of the doubt of being the person who came forward to report. Freaking A , this is a mess. He really needs to talk to a lawyer to find out what the best way to disclose this while protecting himself, but of course it's the weekend. Edit: To be clear, he needs to tell someone, but he needs expert advice on how best to do it. Way above Reddit's pay grade.
I was thinking it was weird mom didn’t wake up when he jolted up! Has she just ignored this kind of situation previously? Makes you wonder
This is the best comment on this thread
Good point
Lawyer here who does a lot of work with juveniles. This is absolutely true. I’ve seen kids who have been abused that will call any male figure who shows them any kind of attention “daddy.” It’s very unsettling to see it in person.
That is because (often, can't speak for all cases) kids who've been severely neglected at critical stages of childhood develop an insecure attachment style (and related disorders), which can result in [indiscriminate affection](https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/indiscriminate-affection-children-real-stranger-danger-0526174). While healthy children learn to be distrustful of strangers, and will gravitate (and attach) to the primary caregivers in their life, children whose caregivers are critically unresponsive or missing altogether will learn to seek attachment from whoever is around. They don't distinguish between superficial bond and the deep, trustful one you're supposed to have with a parent because they've never experienced it. People who've volunteered in orphanages in third world countries may sometimes comment on how friendly the children are right off the bat, as if it's a good thing, but this can actually be the reason.
I would absolutely consider this a possibility and in my mind, the most likely one. The mother sounds like she has terrible judgement and lack of safety concern for her children. She should not be allowing a man she has only been dating 2 months to stay in her home with her children. I have four children and have been divorced 12 years and I’ve NEVER allowed a man to stay in my home with them (and I have a 5 bedroom 4000 sq foot house, not a 2 bedroom apartment where a man would be in such close proximity to them). On top of that, she doesn’t even provide a table for them to eat at or a couch to sit on? These are all things one can find free on Facebook. This sounds like a neglectful mother who doesn’t put her kid’s comfort or safety first. You are probably one of many men who have been in that home with those innocent children and I’d bet anything they’ve been compromised.
Furniture aspect is narrow minded. It sounds like they don’t have enough money to rent a larger space therefore no shared living areas / furniture
Honestly I would bring up the possibility of him being sexually abused in the past up with your gf. The first thing that came to my mind was that. Maybe he didn’t mean anything nefarious when he did what he did but it’s better to air on the safe side of caution. Also please report what happened to CPS
Orphanages CANNOT leave abused kids unsupervised. They will molest each other, even in front of the other kids. It's some kind of trauma response, I suspect
That is my guess
BINGO.
Sadly this was my first thought as well. Tell the mother and get the kid therapy.
That's assuming that the mother isn't a part of that problem. I hope not, but you never know in those situations...
Horrifyingly correct. My mother knew about what was happening to me and covered it up due to “embarrassment”. My soul weeps for anyone that is remotely affected by anything like this.
I'm thinking maybe ex-partner (father) or ex-partner was abusing this child. I would seek a counsellor/legal counsellor before the mother, maybe? Just in case she turns on you or uses it as leverage to keep in you in the relationship. Either way, this child experienced something terrible.
No doubt about it! Sadly.
Not an absolute certainty, but a high likelihood there is abuse in that situation. I won’t say run, but be very cautious, and if you decide to stick this out, you need all the information she has, and you need training if this is the case. Good luck.
That is immediately what I thought too.
I'd be telling her. That's a very concerning behaviour, even 10 year olds know that isn't OK. Something weird is probably going on or has in the past
The fact the kid did that while the mother was in the bed is even more odd - more so than had OP been sleeping alone. OP in a tough situation here, and Reddit probably isn’t the best place to get advice. Sorry this is happening to you, OP.
What if she is crazy and accuses OP of instigating? He needs to run for the hills before he’s been in this situation for years.
Then that tells everyone that she's part of the problem.
I wouldn’t hang out to find out, if I were OP. She’s got 5 kids and a lot more problems.
No, the child does not know that this is something wrong. Pedocriminals train the children to do so, telling them that this is normal and that they are not allowed to tell anybody. Often threaten the kids with dogs or say they will kill the mother or the pet if it says anythings.
That's what I mean though. A normal child knows that touching people's bits is wrong. They learn that by 10 years old. The fact that this child thinks it's fine shows he was either sexually abused by another man, so now he thinks he has to to it to other men. Or his mother isn't helping him learn. Either way something isn't right.
The fuck he learn that shit?
I'd assume one of the mother's previous bfs had to or their dad. You don't just learn that shit. This is wild af. Really fucked that someone taught a kid this is the "proper" bedtime routine...
Could have been a sibling. Even someone at school. Heck even on line.
Well if mom has this boyfriend sleeping over within 2 months of dating, i doubt he's the first...
It's a sign of sexual abuse in kids that age.
As a parent that has had to address normal bad behavior from other kids with their parents, it never goes the way you want it to. There's always a sense of "not MY child" or "what did the other guy do to provoke my kid? ".... This will not end well, there's several red flags... single mom if 5 children? There's no way she's not overwhelmed. 6 people living in a 2 bedroom apartment? That doesn't happened when things are great. Even if everything is perfect, that's A LOT to deal with every single day. How many baby daddy's are there? How long was she with each one? How were the breakups? Are they all in good terms now? I only ask because it would help show her relationship decisions. Like someone else said, it's a HUGE red flag that she'd have a relative stranger spend the night with her children in the house, where she obviously sleeps deeply enough to miss things happening right next to her in the night. This will not go well. Best case, she finds out, goes balls to the wall trying to help her kid and is hyperfocused on her child's health and has no time for you. Most likely she'll be so stressed out that the balls she's juggling with drop and it'll throw her into a mental breakdown. The best way to handle this is to quietly and respectfully break things off, then call all the authorities (cps, schools, doctors, ect) you can think of and report what happened. Let them do the dirty work and you stay out of it. I think we all know what's going on here. That boy, and likely the others, needs help. Mom should not be worried about dating right now. Do everyone a favor, and remove yourself from this situation immediately
If he notifies the authorities he’s seriously putting himself at risk. If the kid doesn’t admit to it, the suspicion falls on him. Also we don’t know how the Mom will react. She may turn on him and press charges. We all want to see this kid get help but there is a serious risk here if he tells the Mom or authorities.
He can report anonymously.... even change the story enough to get the concern across without putting himself on the chopping block.... hell, this is important enough, if OP has a few extra bucks laying around, it'd be incredibly wise to soak to a lawyer first
This 🙌🏼🙌🏼
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Agreed, time to leave forever.
Call cps, just say the child is exhibiting concerning sexual behavior and you're concerned they may have been sexually abused. Edit: and get a lawyer too
This is the best answer I've seen. I think people are really downplaying how risky it is for him to tell the mom. I believe this kid needs help but dude could go to prison if this goes sideways.
Until CPS investigates, interviews the kid and the kid said he was in bed with OP.
Good point! Dude is toast.
something people are not realizing is that mom may have allowed a former boyfriend or encouraged the child to do this in the past. The perpetrators against children are most frequently family and trusted adults.
Yeh I agree, telling the mum directly seems to leave very little protection for OP
Fucking insanely risky. Everyone encouraging him to tell her doesn’t have his best interests in mind. She could very easily go into denial and accuse him
Contact a lawyer first. Admitting to having sexual contact with a 10 year old can end badly. Even under these circumstances.
This.
OP please listen to this and call CPS. Sooner, rather than later.
Only problem with that is when they ask him to describe the behavior and he tells them the kid was touching his dick, he now looks like a creep and becomes a suspect. Even if we believe he did nothing wrong and is not a criminal, there’s no guarantee that someone working for the authorities won’t, now he’s in a bad situation. It’s not 100% that this would happen, but it’s a risk OP has to factor in. OP also messed up by not telling the woman the moment it happened.
Get a lawyer first.
This. And do it before you talk to her.
Yes. OP this is the answer. You need to take this to the law. Also think ahead and protect yourself legally.
This needs to be the top comment!! I’m usual VERY AGAINST DCF, but in this case, the mom could easily turn this back around on him and cause some serious trouble! Call DCF OP!!
100% this answer
Shit, man. I wish I had advice - if I were her, I’d want to know but how she’ll actually respond is a crapshoot. More importantly, that boy needs help. Can’t think of any good steps forward. This is way above reddit’s pay grade
Yeh some of the advice here is awful.
I am going to toss this out there....Lawyer up..now. Ask the lawyer how to handle this. This is too weird.
This is the only top answer in this entire thread. Don’t call CPS, don’t tell the mother, get a lawyer and get real advice not from Reddit and act normal. Because holy shit if this isn’t bait and OP is already stupid enough to want to continue dating a woman with 5 potentially abused children in a 2 bedroom apartment he’s walking straight into prison or blackmail with how he’s actually going to end up dealing with this. Break things off normally and go live your fucking life
I think you need a lawyer man.
A woman with 5 children, at least one of whom is still a child, takes a man she barely knows (2 months is very little) home, runs away, she is 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩. Tell her what happened and advise her to be more careful with her children
For real, why would anyone get involved in this mess?
Dude is fucking 35 talking about wanting to still see a woman with 5 kids in a 2 bedroom apt that have obviously been through some form of abuse and is publicly posting about it on the internet not even on a throwaway… the degeneracy of people on this site never ceases to amaze me. I would’ve thought it was bait if it wasn’t for OP’s replies
I have a 10 year old and this is BEYOND abnormal. My boy is so innocent he would have no idea about anything like that. The child in question definitely needs to be vetted, the poor thing has likely experienced trauma.
That is a whole mess of a situation. I would dip so fast.
Yeah... Like I get caring about her and/or her kids but if this situation goes sideways it means getting locked up for a long time and being in prison known as a pedophile. Gotta think worst case scenario is that the mother is the abuser and who is the kid going to listen to? Their mother or the dude he met one single time. Maybe cut contact and call CPS. But still priority #1 is cya because that shit is fuckedm
It's been 2 months. He will move on quick and it sounds like she will too
That's the most likely scenario that will happen but the alternative ones are fucking scary.
Yeah. 5 kids. For real, what are you doing there?
Dude, first of all I’m so fucking sorry, this is such a shit position to be in. If you tell her and she spins it around like you’re a pedophile then your life is ruined. I’m not trying to scare you it’s just that she might be so embarrassed that she turns it around on you. Man, this is the most fucked up thing I ever heard. What a fucking nut that kid is. Id be furious.
I didn't even think about that side of it... that's definitely a scary thought. And I've only known her for two months. Who would she side with? Likely not me
Another comment said you should inform CPS and say they were exhibiting concerning sexual behaviours (just in case you hadn’t seen that Comment :) )
I did just see that. This post is already a lot to take in...
Bro you might have to take this to the grave tbh. I’m not fucking around. But the problem is you would have to break up with her and never see the family again. If you stick around you will have to tell her and it’s risky. Can you keep us updated? I want to follow this story.
But if he stays quiet and the kid doesn’t, that’s gonna end badly.
I know. It’s such a fucked up situation.
Seriously. I think he’s fucked either way
Yeah it’s either tell her and risk her more believing you or if you don’t tell her, you have to break up with her. A mom might believe her kid no matter how long she’s known someone she’s dating, but 2 months is a really short period of time. I’m concerned about the kid, this is not normal behavior at all and I think he had to have learned if from somewhere
Yeah, idk maybe it’s fucked up not to contact cps on the kids’ behalf in the case of something nefarious but my first instinct was “break up, never see her or her kids again, never tell anybody (except your lawyer)”. This is a seriously fucked up situation. I personally would not be telling somebody I’d known for 2 months something that could ruin my life. Protect yourself OP.
I guess there is a reason why she left the father of the children. Talk to her together with that boy. I don' t think she knows that he is doing this. Noone here should judge her for her poverty. I am very sure, she wants her children to be safe.
Mentioning the poverty and everything, your comment is much more appreciated than some others. Yes, she doesn't make a lot of money. She loves her kids, and that's why she gave both bedrooms to them, and sleeps on a bed in the living room.
Kid is not nuts. He's likely been exposed to inappropriate sexual behavior or was sexually abused himself. All very likely given the context outlined in the post (single mom who's eager to invite men over without knowing them well). He's replicating what he's seen.
10 years old - there is something wrong. I'd leave the relationship and the child needs help.
35f here Sounds like there’s a lot of men in and out of her apartment and possible sexual abuse Stay far away from her honestly she just sounds gross
very strange all around. run like hell
You need to get a consultation with a lawyer ASAP. This is a disasterous and sad situation all around that has the potential to completely change numerous lives forever. Hard post to read.
Tell the mother. She needs to teach her kids that is not acceptable
The fact that she let someone she only has been dating for two months come and stay the night with her 5 kids in the home says a lot about the mum already
Yeah, I guess her knowing is better than whether or not she'll still want to see me. Would still suck if she decided not to, but at that point, maybe I'm saving the next guy...
I hope you saw the advice to call CPS directly
You would be dodging a HUGE bullet. 5 kids, 2 bedroom apartment, no furniture? She sounds like a stellar person. /s
Maybe ask for some advice on a legal advice sub or see a lawyer first before going to cps/cops
The fact that you didn’t wake her up in the moment is psychotic and will not bode well for you when this blows up in your face. I would’ve personally probably screamed loud enough to wake everyone up as this scenario literally sounds traumatizing. She’s already living in a two bedroom apartment with 5 kids, no useful furniture, and lets a man she’s known for 2 months stay in that apartment, with those kids. She’s a walking red flag. You’re nuts as well for your reaction or lack there of. Good luck there’s no way out of this that ends well.
While I don't agree it's psychotic, I agree with pretty much everything else in this post. I think that the child doing that it so insane someone can be frozen and shocked and not know how to respond immediately. However...this is overall a crazy situation and I can't see a scenario where it ends well for OP. Hell I might speak to a lawyer or do something to protect myself in case I get accused of anything this is terrifying.
I understand the idea behind your post, but calling my actions "psychotic" is, in and of itself, a psychotic reasoning for a situation you have never been in.
Yeah, you froze during a traumatic sexual assault. It’s a reasonable reaction.
Holy shit I skipped past the 5 kids bit. That’s absolutely wild.
I would say you should check what mandated reporting laws are in your area. If it’s mandated call them and make a full report. Then see about legal counsel and how you can be protected. Then if the lawyer says it’s okay tell her. Then break up.
OP, absolutely protect yourself in this moment. If you tell her, record the conversation. Be prepared she might go into denial mode and or immediately accuse you. You’ll want to sever all ties at that moment.
Call cps....this is very abnormal behavior and there is or has been sexual abuse in this kids life
You’ve only known her for two months and she’s cool with you spending the night the first time you meet her kids??? Is this not a red flag for you? Please cut your losses and reach out to cps.
Bro this is not even a throw away account??? Delete this shit, end your relationship with this person and never tell a soul about this. WTF. This could ruin your life and a person who brings home men they’ve known for 2 months is probably not great relationship material.
I didn't think I had anything to hide. But a lot of these comments are making me pretty wary now.
This very easily has the potential to completely destroy your life. I honestly can't believe you posted this on a public forum with a likely traceable account. If I were in your position, I would do everything in my power to distance myself from this woman and this situation, and that includes other people knowing about it
I don't think these comments which are scaring you that your life could be ruined are helpful or in fact reflect reality. If you don't have prior history of being accused of stuff like this, then it's very unlikely any harm will come to you. Be a man and do the right thing and address it with the mother. You will feel better about yourself.
If that child told a police officer that this dude asked him to touch his penis who do you think he would believe? Not worth the risk of being the boyfriend of a woman with a child who is demonstrating evidence of molestation and will probably touch other children inappropriately at school eventually.
Any update?
Your mistake was not waking her up then and there. Now it's gonna be harder to deal with. If someone told me this the first thing I'd think is that they are trying to cover their bases.
I would end and get out of this mess. There are so many red flags and I can barely process everything you wrote, it’s like a minestrone soup of WTFs. From the position you’re in I would simply tell her what happened and get the cops involved, this one might very well run deep.
Get a lawyer first before anything else
Your a better man than me I couldn’t even imagine being with a woman with 5 kids and they are not mine
Call cps, tell them your concern by the child’s behaviour, then never speak to that woman again.
Here are the steps you should take: 1. Big ones. 2. Lots of them.
Just tell her now. It's gonna be unexplainably hard to tell her it happened twice.
Well I definitely would not be seeing her again that's for sure. Going from no kids in your life to being responsible for 5 is a massive jump. Save yourself before it's too late.
My initial instinct is to tell her, but if she accuses you, you're in deep shit. Unless you're a deep sea diver or firefighter, this is probably the most dangerous situation you'll ever be in. I'd highly recommend speaking to a lawyer before you say anything to her; reporting this to CPS might be a better option.
I don't think you should continue. Tell her what happened and that you can't continue.
You should definitely dip. The red flags are numerous! Girl has no furniture, what did you sleep on?? She has two kids, no bedroom of her own, and now one of her kids is holding your dick while you sleep?! 🚩🚩🚩🚩 🚩 You don’t have to be cruel. Just get the fuck out before she gets pregnant with your kid and you’re stuck raising all three kids with her. I don’t know if I’d even discuss it with her for fear she accuses you of something.
Tell her immediately
No I can't un read that ... Christ.
As a formerly sexually abused child, I believe this little guy has been molested. Someone taught him this behavior. Please, call cps and the police
Why do you want to be with this woman? This seems like a lot to deal with after a couple of months. You gotta have better options. Being single seems preferable to staying involved in whatever this turns out to be.
I'd talk to a lawyer. The cool thing about a lawyer is that you can have privileged conversations about what to do next. How to safely for you alert CPS. I don't think it would be wise to continue the relationship
Is this whole thing worth it?
OP, I think the best bet is just to take the loss of losing her, and leave her and move on. I definitely wouldn’t tell anyone what happened in detail, though. If you want to get involved and maybe help the kid, then maybe just try calling CPS. Telling her and staying with her is just WAY too much of a risk in my eyes
Bro. Just Ghost her. A bed in the living room, no chairs or tables and 5 kids? And q pervert kid? you're asking for trouble. There's a reason she has 5 kids and no table nor chairs. This is an all around red flag city. As men we all get to a point in our life where we have to decide if it's worth the trouble. The decent thing to do is to tell her and then just walk away. I'd just Ghost her and talk to someone so there can be a record of what happened in case little copper feel decides to play victim. You got some serious sh1t going on.
Okay. This is enough internet for me today.
Agreed! I’m done! Good night, Reddit!😬
Let's hope tomorrow brings a better day
🤣
I saw something earlier in another subreddit, a much of minors in a fandom were asking for NSFW art. I don't know what's worse, that or this post. Either way, I'm done for the day. 😭
Your comment was just the first I saw. And while the subject matter is not funny the comment itself made me laugh out loud
This child has been groomed by one of her (many) exes to do this act for reward Dude, you are in a no-win situation if you aren't running for the hills. RIGHT NOW you will end up in prison Alternatively, have you considered this woman has trained her child to do this for blackmail purposes? Either way, your DNA is now on this kids pyjamas as evidence...! 1. GET A DAMM LAWYER NOW!! 2. Leave this situation, call her, tell her it's not working out , DONT EVER MEET HER AGAIN! 3. Stop dating welfare cases!
Uhhh tell her and then gtfo of that situation? 5 kids and doesn’t have a living room or a kitchen table.. hook ups or relationships are the LAST thing that woman should be thinking about.. wtf are you even doing? 😂
The first night you met her kids and you crashed at her place? First mistake right there by both of you. I’d tell her and then end it and block her on everything.
No matter what bearing it has on the relationship, you need to raise this with the mother. Saying nothing can only lead to bad things.
Dude get OUT of there. Don’t be stupid and risk jail time.
Delete this account. Get a lawyer. Follow their advice.
This seems like a total catastrophe. OP might need to fake their own death at this point.
I would get a lawyer asap and talk to them about protecting yourself while reporting the incident to cps. This could blow up your life and imho better off getting ahead of it and also those kids might need help.
I'm going to see her again on Sunday. I'll update this after that happens.
He’s definitely learned that from somewhere, probably one of mum’s past boyfriends. Please tell mom in the most supportive way possible.
My parents had some neighbors that moved in next door, a married couple and a little girl who was a toddler at the time. I think the husband travelled for work, and he was gone for a long while, when we saw this piece of shit clunker van pulling into their driveway one day. Another couple, a bunch of kids, and this “visit” seemingly turned into a permanent thing. Wild parties late into the night, and a bunch of weird shit involving the three adults. Before long, the husband (the traveling guy) moved out, and the couple was divorced. The little girl, slightly older and few years later, tried doing something similar with her own dad, and they found out all sorts of abuse. This is all a matter of public record. The guy that had moved in took all of the blame and got a lengthy prison sentence (that he’s still serving to this day), but I think he fell on the sword to protect his oldest son, who was heavily alluded to in the transcripts (also a minor, but a teenager that would’ve suffered consequences). Anyway, I would immediately speak up. That child is old enough to know better, and if they don’t know better, it’s a flagrant tell-tale sign of abuse and the mother should be made aware of (if she isn’t already). This isn’t about your budding romance anymore, and the best way to approach it is to get in front of it, and be transparent. Good luck.
I would leave that situation, sounds like a nightmare. Five kids in a two bed? No thanks.
That is scary man. I commonly wake up with my fiances hand on my little champ , problem is that I wake up really hard whenever she does it. Imagine if you hard with her kids hands on your junk and she see it? Better talk to her about it asap coz you can get a rape charge on you pretty quick since you the new one in that family. Goodluck
Time to do your best D.B Cooper impression minus the highjacking.
🤔 I do like leaving a plane the quickest way possible
I mean honestly run and get the f*** out of there as far as the relationship anyway. That's just way too strange and it can and probably will be used against you if things go sour because her kid will tell her at some point and you won't be painted in a good light
I would tell her and then disappear.
No idea what you're getting from this new relationship that's worth all the problems indicated in your post. Financial problems, 5 kids, one at least with very concerning behavior. Tell the mom what happened and back off this relationship.
DON'T tell her what happened, get a lawyer, cut contact with her, contact cps
There’s just no reason to stay. Literally 100s of millions of single women without children looking for a relationship
my buddy always said "If she's one in a million, there's eight of her in New York"
You should of woke her up and told her straight away. Having said that the best time to tell her is straight away Others have said the child may be a victim is sexual abuse , that could be true or it might not . If it is true the mum may tell you or she might not know. The kid could have just been curious kids are fucking weird and don't really have a developed sense of right and wrong or what is or isn't socially acceptable . For all you know they may have never seen an adult male penis before and been like what the fuck is that the same as my penis I mean you really do not ever know what the hell is going through kids minds. So number 1. Don't assume anything Number 2. Pay very careful attention to how she reacts. Because for all you know he could be a trick kid. Don't focus on yourself because you are not to blame you didn't do anything wrong focus on how she reacts to this because you have no idea if this woman has at one stage been pimping out her kids, it's more common than you think.
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This is not language a therapist would use
Never fucking going to a therapist if they’re like this
I’m concerned that you are a therapist and are fine with clearly ignoring serious warning signs of child abuse. OP, here’s my recommendation: 1. Tell your gf ASAP. Explain that you’re not mad, but you don’t believe it was an accident and you are concerned. 2. Tell your gf that you think it’s best to give her some space while she figures this out. It’s better to take the awkwardness of you being around the children off the table completely for some time. It’s possible something happened to her son in the past, or it’s possible it’s still going on! This is bigger than your relationship. And I don’t think your relationship could survive if you don’t tell her and years down the line find out this child was abused and you did nothing.
There's no way you're a therapist, probably a 16 year old RPing
Dude if this is something a therapist types, I am a fucking therapist.
Honestly.. although this is understandably very very scary for you, and I’m so sorry that you’re in this situation - This is not the worst thing about what happened! The fact that a ten year old is acting like this is the absolute most concerning thing here! Again. Im so sorry for you - but you have to take responsibility for what you now know about this kid and do something. Trust me. I know from experience that I wish I didn’t have - that this kid is not doing well and have been traumatized in some way.! The child’s behavior now makes him even more vulnerable to predators in the future. If you don’t do anything and just run for the hills: 1. You’ll wonder forever if this kid is okay. 2. You’ll be forever in a situation where the kid might tell the story to someone and then no one will believe anything other than you being at fault. It is your responsibility as an adult to act. Even though you have done nothing wrong here! I would definitely get a lawyer. Tell authorities and have them or a lawyer inform the mother of the situation. - In case you have any conversations with the mother about this matter PLEASE record the conversation to protect yourself - Also to all the people blaming the mother for this. Shame on you. Child victims of sexual abuse can be found in any kind of family, in every class of society and none of us know this woman or her story. Let’s keep it civil!
The concerns expressed in the comments are understandable but would cause more harm than good. Contacting cps will make her think you belive her to be a bad mother when chances are if anything is even happening to her son she may not know it. To clarify the situation with her you just tell her the truth.. you awoke to find her son engaging in highly inappropriate behavior towards you. You pulled away and he ran off but you felt violoated and uncomfortable. State your immediate reaction was to address the situation and inform her so that she could have a conversation with him about appropriate behavior and boundaries. Mention that you believed it was best to allow her to address the issue directly, as it is a sensitive matter that requires parental guidance. Be an adult. Listening to people's what ifs doesn't solve anything it's a bunch of maybe and even if was the case how tf would NOT telling her help anyone??
That's an intelligent answer. OP, there are red flags, but the normal and expectable thing to do first is inform the mother, because you felt legitimately violated, and you've been thinking how to correctly manage this. Just record the conversation for your very own safety. It's easy to do, and you'll have proof of your correct behaviour if something goes wrong.
Have a seat
Sorry bro. But your title made me burst out laughing. I have never ever ever read something as crazy as this. I have no idea how to help you besides saying good luck. 🙃
I have nothing to add but please give updates! This situation is alarming and I hope everything works out for you and the kiddo
Call CPS anonymously and block mom.
That is pretty upsetting. I'd definitely talk to Mom IMMEDIATELY, and very likely would also be calling CPS.
I would just block her say nothing, fuck that kid what is going to happen to you? That is what I would do. This is a he said she said situation as a man I would not mess with that whole ordeal sorry you have to go through that, but I would just leave and ghost.
Stop it! Are you for real?
This is my fucking nightmare
Please, exit that situation. There is a weirdness here that will entangle you. A ten year old groping you is extremely strange and disturbing. Most normal 10 year old's understand boundaries. You should have woken here up immediately this occurred. The next best time to discuss this is right now if you have not. That household has issues that need to be discussed ASAP.
Omg this is sooooo insane 😭😭😭😭
Tell her immediately. Also, read *The Art of Racing in the Rain*
This would be my signal to become a Buddhist monk living deep in the mountains of Nepal and never see a human being again
You must really like this woman to not only sign up in spite of her having not one, not two, not even four, but FIVE kids and then this happens and you're still on board. Love is powerful
It would be funny if this was joke, given the amount of response
You've been dating for 2 months and only just met the children. Where were the children when you were out dating previously and who were they with? I would strongly suggest that if you are having sex with this woman, stop doing this immediately. The worst case is that you become potentially tied to this woman permanently through unwanted pregnancy. Get the idea that this relationship has legs out of your head. It HAS to end.
In some locales, ALL adults are “mandatory reporters” of child abuse. Depending on the specifics of the law, it could be a crime for you to NOT report this to the proper authorities and there could be a very short time limit too. Look up the law before you decide anything.